1 00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:06,919 Now for the question that I'm famous for asking on Fridays... 2 00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,747 What's everyone doing this weekend? 3 00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:11,141 Me and Dick are gonna go check out this cranberry bog 4 00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,925 down in the Chimdale Wetlands. 5 00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:14,579 How about you, Deputy Director? 6 00:00:14,623 --> 00:00:17,756 Oh, I'm going to a different cranberry bog. 7 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,063 ♪ With a girl ♪ 8 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,412 [laughter, cheering] 9 00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:22,761 Oh, nice! 10 00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:24,633 All right, men. Back to work. 11 00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:27,940 We're in the middle of a giant mission! 12 00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:30,334 Do you have any plans this weekend, Stan? 13 00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,119 Hey, would you mind asking the other guys? 14 00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:33,511 I feel like if I answer, 15 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:35,513 I'll get trapped in a conversation with you. 16 00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:37,167 But you're the only one with a family, 17 00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:39,300 and families have always fascinated me 18 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:41,824 because I don't have one. 19 00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:44,479 That's a stupid reason to be fascinated by something. 20 00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:47,438 I don't have a vagina and I never think about those. 21 00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:49,614 Well, now I'm thinking about them a little bit. 22 00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:52,008 Thanks a lot, Weitzman. Now I have to go home at lunch. 23 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,488 Hey, wait! 24 00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,533 I have a coupon to take a whole family to a buffet. 25 00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:57,796 Zoinks! Thanks, Dr. Weitzman! 26 00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,059 Maybe I could join you guys. 27 00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,712 Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that. 28 00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,279 After all, you gave us the coupon. 29 00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:03,976 You've done enough. 30 00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:09,373 So how's your day going? 31 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,767 Sorry. I don't like a lot of chitchat 32 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,247 while I'm getting my nails done. 33 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,249 [cellphone rings] 34 00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:17,816 Buckle, what's good, my man?! 35 00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:19,209 [tires screech] 36 00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,953 Everyone... Everyone get in the [bleep] car! 37 00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:26,129 Stan, you can't just kick the door 38 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,262 off its hinges and scream at us. 39 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:31,265 There's a new buffet in town. [panting] 40 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:35,007 And I got us a coupon for free everything. 41 00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:38,446 Everyone get in the [bleep] car! 42 00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:40,970 [patriotic music plays] 43 00:01:41,013 --> 00:01:43,625 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 44 00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:47,498 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 45 00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:50,762 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 46 00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:54,984 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 47 00:01:56,855 --> 00:02:00,163 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 48 00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,557 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 49 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,819 Aah! 50 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:08,519 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 51 00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:11,131 ♪ 52 00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:14,395 Hey, Rog, is Dad forcing you to go to the buffet too? 53 00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,223 What... What's that? I'm sorry. 54 00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:17,678 It's just that I am thinking about, like, 55 00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:19,617 a billion things right now. 56 00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:21,706 [breathes deeply] What were you asking me? 57 00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:24,927 I just wanted to know if you were coming to the buffet. 58 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:27,364 [laughs] He thinks I can go to a buffet! 59 00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:30,672 Now. In the middle of this chaos! 60 00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,935 You don't look stressed, Roger. 61 00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:34,338 You're... You're just sitting here. 62 00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:36,156 STAN: Steven! Leave him! 63 00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:37,679 Maybe it looks that way. 64 00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,898 But up here, full meltdown. 65 00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:42,901 Imagine a thousand Chernobyls and you're halfway there. 66 00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,033 So... 67 00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:45,426 2,000 Chernobyls? 68 00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:46,905 You can't put a number on it, Steve! 69 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:49,038 It's one meltdown! 70 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,041 [engine revving] 71 00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:53,434 Why are we speeding? 72 00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:55,566 We just spent 45 minutes decorating the car. 73 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,873 What do I love most about buffets? 74 00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,788 In a word... camaraderie. 75 00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:01,790 I thought we'd get together and do something fun, 76 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,140 go eat cafeteria style, like at camp. 77 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,707 Camp isn't fun. 78 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:08,536 They force you to sing and ride horses all day. 79 00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:10,668 You chose musical horse camp. 80 00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:13,454 Oh, I thought the horses were gonna make the music. 81 00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:16,805 Well, forcing us to eat together isn't camaraderie. 82 00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:19,503 Steve, I'm hearing that you feel "forced." 83 00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:21,026 Could you expand on that? 84 00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:23,855 I guess these handcuffs give me that "forced" feeling. 85 00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:25,030 The feelings you're feeling 86 00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,468 are very natural family time feelings. 87 00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:30,645 Would anyone like to know how I feel about buffets? 88 00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:39,088 This long silence has got to be tough for you. 89 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,569 ♪ 90 00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,397 Make way! Coupon holder! 91 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,226 Man with a coupon coming through! 92 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:48,706 [flatly] Welcome to the King's Choice Buffet. 93 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,055 ♪ Da-da-da ♪ 94 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:51,579 When you're royalty, you're here. 95 00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:53,537 The VIP section is located in the back. 96 00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:54,625 Here's your wristbands. 97 00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:57,106 Ew. 98 00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:01,023 It's a little weird that this buffet has a VIP section, right? 99 00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:02,459 You wanna hear something weird? 100 00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:04,722 The Goodyear Blimp is the official bird 101 00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:06,681 of Redondo Beach, California. 102 00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:09,945 Oh, you guys wanna hear something really weird? 103 00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:12,730 Zerp Znap Za-noodle! 104 00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,123 Sit yo ass down. 105 00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:16,691 You need to hear my patented rules of the buffet. 106 00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:20,782 ♪ Stan's patented rules of the buffet ♪ 107 00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:23,959 Rule one... There are no rules. 108 00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:25,569 Wowwww. 109 00:04:25,613 --> 00:04:28,268 Rule two... Never fill up on bread. 110 00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:30,618 Rule three... Plates are for losers. 111 00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:32,204 Cut out the middleman and pile your food 112 00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:33,664 directly onto your tray. 113 00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:35,057 Rules 4 through 100 114 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,320 only apply to buffets at strip clubs. 115 00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:40,323 And most important, rule 101... 116 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:43,892 You can never have a bad time at the buffet. 117 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:47,417 Cold melon and scallop soup? 118 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:51,334 Uhhh, I'll take nasty-ass soups for $200, Alex. 119 00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,293 [laughs] 120 00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:55,817 Survey says... 121 00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:57,340 I have to smell it! 122 00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:58,472 [sniffs] 123 00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:01,344 Ugh! Aah! 124 00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:03,738 I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat. 125 00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:07,350 This. Is. A. Disaster. 126 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:12,094 ♪ 127 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,184 I thought a walk would clear my head 128 00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:17,795 but I'm just getting more stressed out! 129 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:19,754 Look at those flowers. 130 00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,495 Not a care in the world. 131 00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:24,149 Sitting around eating bees all day. 132 00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:25,412 Do I dare? 133 00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:26,848 No, no, you're being silly, Roger, 134 00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:29,198 with all the irons you have in the fire. 135 00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:30,504 But on the other hand... 136 00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:34,029 [thinking] Ahhh, meltdown averted. 137 00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:36,553 [bee buzzing] 138 00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:42,385 Yuck, I don't like the taste, but I'm a flower, 139 00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,692 so I gotta get used to eating bees. 140 00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:47,216 ♪ 141 00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:50,306 Can we leave now? The place is closing. 142 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,614 Not until we get the special VIP dessert we were promised. 143 00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:54,789 What the... 144 00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:57,139 MAN [amplified]: Welcome, Smith family. 145 00:05:57,182 --> 00:06:00,272 I'm so glad you joined us for dinner, 146 00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:02,710 but your time here is just... 147 00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,233 - [crash, clatter] - Oh! 148 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,061 Okay, who left this cart out? 149 00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:08,411 Oh, I just bashed my shin! 150 00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:10,065 Oh, turn on the lights! 151 00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,066 ♪ Let's go ♪ 152 00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:12,415 MAN: Not those lights! 153 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,548 Why would I want the disco lights?! 154 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,768 TOGETHER: Dr. Weitzman?! 155 00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:20,075 That's right! Oh, sorry. 156 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,598 [normal voice] My evil genius voice 157 00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:23,121 sounded cool, though, right? 158 00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,949 Sorry about my real voice. 159 00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:26,864 I'm making you my family! 160 00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:30,912 What is happening?! 161 00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,436 Geez, Hayley, are you dense? 162 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,917 Dr. Weitzman is a lonely person. 163 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,571 He wants a family. 164 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:40,835 He's gonna force us to live with him forever in accordance 165 00:06:40,878 --> 00:06:44,316 to whatever his demented idea of a "family" is. 166 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,754 I'm assuming these VIP wristbands 167 00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,277 are rigged with explosives 168 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,671 and we've been drugged with a neurotoxin 169 00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:54,588 to temporarily paralyze... us. 170 00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:57,765 I don't know if I'd call my ideas "demented." 171 00:06:57,808 --> 00:07:01,769 Plus I wanted to be the one to say all my demented shit. 172 00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:03,988 [suspenseful music plays] 173 00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,686 ♪ 174 00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:11,387 Home sweet home. 175 00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:15,478 - Stan, are you okay? - Okay? 176 00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:17,567 - I'm having a blast! - You are? 177 00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,047 Of course! 178 00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:21,789 Rule 101... You can't have a bad time at the buffet. 179 00:07:21,832 --> 00:07:25,488 Huh. That's an interesting way of looking at things, honey. 180 00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,359 Excuse me, ma'am. 181 00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:28,883 My sheets are a little tight. 182 00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,798 Oh, no, are they a little tight? 183 00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:33,104 They're supposed to be very tight. 184 00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,803 What about all the other people at the restaurant? 185 00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:37,413 - Were they... - Background actors. 186 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,023 They actually were all extras 187 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,721 from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel set. 188 00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,897 Great show. Getting worse every year. 189 00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,768 Can you help us get out of here? 190 00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:47,510 - No. - What kind of person are you? 191 00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,643 I'm not a person. I'm a robot. 192 00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:52,297 Dr. Weitzman made me. 193 00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:53,579 And then he named me after a stripper 194 00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:54,952 he once fell in love with. 195 00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:57,825 Okay, put your face back on, Chardonnay. 196 00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,348 No one likes when you do that. 197 00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,176 Oh, God, are you two... 198 00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:02,394 I wish! 199 00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,440 No, my hostess robot became sentient, 200 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:08,009 and as per usual I'm stuck in the "friend zone." 201 00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:11,839 Okay, it's nigh-nighs, my sweet family. 202 00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:16,408 ♪ Hush, little family, it's time to hit the hay ♪ 203 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:21,849 ♪ You all live with Dr. Weitzman in a big buffet ♪ 204 00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,677 ♪ You're down here for forever ♪ 205 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,375 ♪ Now, isn't that fun? ♪ 206 00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,420 ♪ Eat whatever you want ♪ 207 00:08:28,464 --> 00:08:33,774 ♪ And never see the sun ♪ 208 00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:40,563 ROGER [thinking]: Ahhh, this is the life. No stress. 209 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:44,219 Just eating bees, not thinking a million miles an hour. 210 00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,441 I wonder why bees aren't more afraid of flowers. 211 00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,139 [vehicle approaching] 212 00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:53,750 Oh, no. 213 00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,012 Let's go! 214 00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:58,538 Steal as many flowers as you can for the shop! 215 00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:00,540 I don't like this one bit. 216 00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:04,369 What's that thing? 217 00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,937 I thought it was a flower, but I'm not so sure now. 218 00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:09,549 Check out its nasty root bulb. 219 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:12,769 It looks like a gross, gray ass. 220 00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,466 Eh, let's put it in the van. 221 00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:15,729 Maybe some freak will like it. 222 00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,295 [men grunting] 223 00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:22,213 And now to the cemetery for more free flowers! 224 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,302 ROGER [thinking]: This is so stressful. 225 00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:28,089 ♪ 226 00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:30,439 Dr. Weitzman must've woken me up 227 00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:34,051 seven times last night walking to the bathroom to pee. 228 00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:37,707 If you ask me, he should spend less time imprisoning families 229 00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,927 and more time imprisoning urologists. 230 00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:42,494 But counterpoint... What a great night! 231 00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:43,887 I mean, when was the last time 232 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,802 we all slept together in the same room? 233 00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:47,848 Obviously I'm not counting our annual trip 234 00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,719 to the Gathering Of The Juggalos. 235 00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,591 Good morning, my beautiful children. 236 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,505 Can you please let us go?! 237 00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,986 There must be some humanity inside you! 238 00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:58,467 Sounds like you guys are hangry. 239 00:09:58,510 --> 00:09:59,990 Who wants Monte Cristos? 240 00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:02,340 STAN: The American riff on a croque monsieur?! 241 00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:03,777 Sign me up! 242 00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,127 Now, two simple rules here in the Weitzman home... 243 00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:08,172 I'm in control of everything, 244 00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:12,699 and that door over there is off limits. 245 00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:15,049 [whispering] I think that door might be significant. 246 00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:16,528 Yeah, no shit. 247 00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:17,660 Dr. Weitzman... 248 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,183 - Call me Dad. - No. 249 00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:20,750 - Uncle? - That's worse. 250 00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:23,666 Dr. Weitzman, why are you doing this? 251 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,494 Great question, Franny. 252 00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:28,540 Chardonnay, roll tape and do it like... 253 00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:29,890 Christoph Waltz. 254 00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:32,849 WALTZ'S VOICE: Christoph Waltz mode initiated. 255 00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:40,814 No one knows when or where Dr. Weitzman was born. 256 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:44,426 He was abandoned as a baby in the Lanceton sewers, 257 00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:48,996 where even the rats refused to be his family. 258 00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,651 Dr. Weitzman's adolescence 259 00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:55,132 was spent in and out of orphanages. 260 00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:59,223 He briefly appeared on The Mickey Mouse Club 261 00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:01,051 until he caught the attention 262 00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:03,488 of the show's legendary producer 263 00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:05,577 and was quickly removed. 264 00:11:05,621 --> 00:11:09,016 Then back to his sewers for doctor school. 265 00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:13,890 But even after becoming a successful C.I.A. doctor, 266 00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:16,501 he could never find the right woman. 267 00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:19,722 So he was never able to start the family 268 00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,724 he dreamt of his whole life. 269 00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:23,987 And adoption was out of the question 270 00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:27,034 because obviously his appearance 271 00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:28,905 terrifies children... 272 00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:31,168 Chardonnay, did I sign off on this artwork? 273 00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:35,564 We're screwed. 274 00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,348 You know how stubborn Dad is. 275 00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:40,003 He'll never admit you can have a bad time at the buffet. 276 00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,309 You're right. 277 00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,703 If we're getting out of here, it's up to us. 278 00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:48,098 I did it. [belches] 279 00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:51,058 I ate all that disgusting soup. 280 00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:52,537 And now to... 281 00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:55,018 Well, shit. 282 00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,980 Come on, that door has to be the exit! 283 00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:04,332 ♪ 284 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,726 [laughs] Oh, you goofy kids! 285 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,292 Always playing pranks. 286 00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,338 I think you all will love it here. 287 00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,383 The days are gonna fly by. 288 00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:15,125 If you don't believe me, check out this montage. 289 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:19,434 ♪ We are family ♪ 290 00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:23,568 ♪ I got all my sisters with me ♪ 291 00:12:24,526 --> 00:12:27,181 ♪ We are family ♪ 292 00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,489 ♪ Get up, everybody, and sing ♪ 293 00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:37,844 ♪ We are fami-lay! ♪ 294 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:43,240 ♪ I trapped the Smiths in a buffet! ♪ 295 00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:45,155 ♪ We are family ♪ 296 00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:49,377 ♪ I got all my sisters with me ♪ 297 00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:51,335 Who Framed Roger Rabbit! 298 00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,947 ♪ We are family ♪ 299 00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:56,819 ♪ Get up, everybody ♪ 300 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,995 Okay, gang, just checked the time 301 00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,910 and it's "rock" o'clock. 302 00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:03,130 Be right back with the acoustic. 303 00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:04,696 I can't do it. 304 00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,394 I can't listen to him play 305 00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:08,875 another Death Cab for Cutie song. 306 00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:11,268 I guess some of them are technically Postal Service. 307 00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:13,401 I've been trying to smile through all this, 308 00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:14,663 'cause rules are rules. 309 00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:16,360 But some rules are meant to be... 310 00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:17,361 Broken? 311 00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:19,059 To a crisp. 312 00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,843 I have a plan. 313 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:24,586 Everybody sneak a Monte Cristo sandwich into bed tonight. 314 00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,414 This plan sounds delicious, Dad. 315 00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:28,416 Don't be cute, Steve. 316 00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,680 - [snoring] - Dad! 317 00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:33,464 We all brought sandwiches to bed. 318 00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:34,509 What's the plan? 319 00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:36,293 Five minutes, son. 320 00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:37,468 Stan! 321 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,775 Chumbawumba! Okay. 322 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,385 Everything we need for our escape 323 00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,910 is right here in the Monte Cristo sandwich. 324 00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:46,434 I'll remove it from the baggie and just lightly touch 325 00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:48,828 the grease-soaked bread to the sheets. 326 00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:52,788 Wow. And gross. 327 00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:58,446 Next we use the jam. 328 00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:01,101 [gasps, screams] 329 00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,887 Wow, that's strong jam. [gasps] 330 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:07,716 I think I just figured out why I almost died of diarrhea. 331 00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:11,894 Wait. It's powdered sugar time. 332 00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,330 [blows] 333 00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:18,814 We're not going this way, but it looks cool, right? 334 00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:22,774 Wait, we should grab Klaus! 335 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,341 There's no time! 336 00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:27,910 Next, everyone take the ham out of your sandwich and eat it. 337 00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:29,912 It's the perfect protein-rich snack 338 00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:32,219 to keep our motors humming. 339 00:14:32,262 --> 00:14:33,785 KLAUS: Is anyone there?! 340 00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:36,571 It sounds like four people eating ham! 341 00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:38,225 Good ham. 342 00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:41,924 [doorknob rattling] 343 00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,796 Oh, man, the forbidden door is locked! 344 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,975 Luckily, the "Giving Sandwich" has one last thing to give. 345 00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:50,150 The bread. 346 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,457 [lock disengages] 347 00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:55,068 [gasps] 348 00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:57,505 This isn't an exit. 349 00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,202 It's a graveyard. 350 00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,291 Look at the way they're grouped. 351 00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:05,165 I think they're... other families. 352 00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:08,603 Yes, there are a lot of dead bodies, 353 00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:10,170 but at least it's not a gift shop. 354 00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,085 I hate crass commercialism. 355 00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:14,087 But the skeletons are for sale. 356 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,349 I make keychains! 357 00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:17,438 Perfect for a gas station bathroom! 358 00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:19,440 Do you have any gas station owner friends 359 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:21,529 who have a birthday coming up? 360 00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:28,188 You killed all those families? 361 00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:31,234 What? No, they killed themselves. 362 00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:32,975 On average, most offed themselves 363 00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:35,282 after living with Dr. Weitzman for three days. 364 00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,197 Though the current record is the Shelmerdines, 365 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,242 who only lasted 45 minutes. 366 00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,809 That hurt my feelings. 367 00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:44,073 But you guys really hurt my feelings trying to escape. 368 00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:45,945 I thought you loved me. 369 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,816 Wait, the other families killed themselves 370 00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:49,252 without trying to escape? 371 00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:52,168 Well, it was before my online guitar lessons. 372 00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:54,910 [sniffles] Before I got really good. 373 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,085 You suck at guitar. 374 00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,826 Yeah, man, you suck at guitar. 375 00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,959 [crying] 376 00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,570 Keep it up, guys. I think this is working. 377 00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:03,919 Keep mocking him. 378 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,790 You have long, beautiful eyelashes. 379 00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,096 No, honey! 380 00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:10,143 Aaand you always cuff your sleeves like Cam 381 00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:12,319 from Modern Family. 382 00:16:12,362 --> 00:16:14,582 That's not good? 383 00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:16,323 Wizard alert! 384 00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,933 [laughter] 385 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:18,978 Get out! 386 00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,806 Get out! [cries] 387 00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:24,070 How'd you know he'd let us go? 388 00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,072 Actually I was sure he was gonna kill us, 389 00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:28,683 so I just wanted to get it over with. 390 00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:31,164 ♪ 391 00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,514 I can't believe it. We're home! 392 00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,516 There you all are! 393 00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:36,952 You're good hiders! 394 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,780 I've been looking for months. 395 00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:40,869 Jeff, did you think we were playing 396 00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:42,175 hide and seek this whole time? 397 00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:45,308 In September I doubted it for a second. 398 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:48,007 But then I found this clue. 399 00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,183 So I took apart the water heater, 400 00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:51,662 but you guys weren't in there. 401 00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:53,838 There certainly was a smell, though. 402 00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:56,276 And a lot of scalding water. 403 00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,800 And you guys stayed true to the game. 404 00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:02,456 When I screamed in agony for help, you stayed hidden. 405 00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:05,589 And you didn't visit me in the burn ward. 406 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:08,375 I can't tell you how much I respect that. 407 00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:12,422 And now the game is over and I don't know why. 408 00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,946 I guess I can return to my life. 409 00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,210 Right back in. 410 00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:19,908 Hi. 411 00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:22,389 [doorbell rings] 412 00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,436 - Flower delivery! - Whoo! 413 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,917 Smells like dead bees and cigarettes. 414 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,919 It's been in the shop for two months. 415 00:17:30,962 --> 00:17:34,096 Your sweetheart got an unbelievable price on it. 416 00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,838 Adam, you got me flowers?! 417 00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:39,623 I am Adam and I am guilty. 418 00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,669 Whoaaaa, that guy's hot. 419 00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:44,411 MAN: The dang door's blockin' the hot body! 420 00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:45,977 I love it! 421 00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,414 [smooching] 422 00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:49,459 ROGER [thinking]: So I'm a symbol of love. 423 00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:50,808 That's nice. 424 00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:52,419 JENNY: I can't believe you remembered 425 00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:54,812 that I love grotesque flowers. 426 00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:57,641 [Adam and Jenny smooching] 427 00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:59,121 - JENNY: Ooh! - ADAM: Mm. 428 00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:03,995 Stan, I'm happy to be home, 429 00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:07,825 but does something feel... off to you? 430 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,436 There's no buffet and I hate it. 431 00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:11,002 I'm feelin' it too, Dad. 432 00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:12,787 There was just so much food. 433 00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,789 I think that's what I loved about it. 434 00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:17,661 Sounds crazy, but maybe we're all... 435 00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:19,576 Concerned about Jeff? Me too. 436 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:21,622 I think there's something really wrong there. 437 00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,928 He's not, like, fun stupid, ya know. 438 00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:26,148 I worry Hayley might be committing a crime 439 00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,367 being married to him. 440 00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,064 Maybe we meet with the lawyer, 441 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,761 get on record what we knew when... 442 00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,043 We're talking about the buffet. 443 00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,590 Oh, my God, the buffet! 444 00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,157 I miss the buffet! 445 00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:37,333 - We all do! - We gotta go back! 446 00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:39,379 Maybe we just have Stockholm Syndrome? 447 00:18:39,422 --> 00:18:43,557 If that means overwhelming desire to break into a buffet, 448 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,168 then I got the stock, homes. 449 00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:55,177 ♪ 450 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,701 And now for dessert. 451 00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:59,921 [grunting] 452 00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:03,490 [both smooching] 453 00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:05,622 ROGER [thinking]: They're so in love. 454 00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:07,842 And I'm so relaxed. 455 00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:09,211 - [door closes] - JENNY: Get off me! 456 00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:10,323 He's home early! 457 00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,846 Now, who the hell is this? 458 00:19:11,889 --> 00:19:13,040 MAN: Jennifer, what's going on? 459 00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:14,327 What is that hideous flower? 460 00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,546 ADAM: Your wife happens to love hideous flowers! 461 00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:20,159 MAN: [gasps] My best friend and business partner! 462 00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:22,161 Oh, my jangled nerves! 463 00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:23,510 [guns cocking] 464 00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:25,468 Oh, good, they're all gun owners. 465 00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:27,078 This should de-escalate quickly. 466 00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:29,820 [gunshots] 467 00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:31,866 That's a tip for everyone at home... 468 00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:34,912 No one ever shoots the flower. 469 00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:37,872 ♪ 470 00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:40,657 Dr. Weitzman is never gonna let us back in. 471 00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:41,876 Remember how we used 472 00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:44,183 the Monte Cristo sandwich to get out? 473 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:46,228 Here's a sandwich to help us get in... 474 00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:48,448 a C-4 Sandwich. 475 00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:51,755 There are also some tuna sandwiches in the bag 476 00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:53,627 in case anyone wants to scarf. 477 00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:57,935 Wait, this is the C-4 sandwich. 478 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:04,333 Wait a second. That means the tuna... 479 00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:06,727 Stan, did you buy the cheap tuna again? 480 00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:09,120 No! It was me! 481 00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:10,774 You bought the cheap tuna? 482 00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:14,082 No, I blew up the wall from the inside. 483 00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,519 What a twist! Why? 484 00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:19,087 Because my family came back to me. 485 00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:20,567 I'm just so excited! 486 00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,133 This guy's not cool. 487 00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:24,266 I'm starting to think this was a mistake. 488 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,747 No, no, no, no, let me get my guitar! 489 00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:28,444 And some Legos! 490 00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:34,058 You guys came to rescue me! 491 00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,886 Yes. Yes, we did. 492 00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:38,280 Let's not be here when Dr. Weitzman comes back. 493 00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:39,977 But the buffet! 494 00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:42,110 I still want a dried-out piece of Dover sole 495 00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,243 and a sweaty sweet potato pie. 496 00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:47,420 I guess we could try the buffet across the street. 497 00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:50,118 HAYLEY: "Smiths eat free"? 498 00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:51,554 I like that price. 499 00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:53,252 Come on in! 500 00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:54,601 Leave whenever you like! 501 00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,646 I'm not lonely! 502 00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,648 Bye-bye! See you soon!