1 00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:05,527 Can I pour you some more wine? 2 00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:08,225 It comes from the grape region of France. 3 00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:10,706 I think you'll find it pairs well with food. 4 00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:13,752 Jeff, I've had cooked fish in sauce before. 5 00:00:13,796 --> 00:00:15,798 But this? This is special. 6 00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,974 And served with rice! 7 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,932 Thanks. It's my mother's recipe. 8 00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:22,152 She was from the old country... Florida. 9 00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:23,632 We thought it would be nice 10 00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:25,460 to have you guys over for a dinner party. 11 00:00:25,503 --> 00:00:29,594 After all, you two have hosted us for several thousand meals. 12 00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:32,032 We were nothing like this when we were first newlyweds. 13 00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:33,468 It's true. 14 00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:35,948 I had to reform your mother's party girl ways. 15 00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:37,559 That's not how it was. 16 00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:39,952 Your father was hopeless when I met him. 17 00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:43,956 The house had no furniture. He used a sock for underwear. 18 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,350 And for a napkin, he used whichever sock 19 00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:48,265 he wasn't using as underwear. 20 00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,137 Well, I wasn't exactly hopeless... 21 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,791 young C.I.A. agent in my prime? 22 00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:54,924 I was a physical specimen. 23 00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:58,145 Firm chest. Chestnut buttocks. And my penis? 24 00:00:58,188 --> 00:01:01,931 A muscled servant ready to obey my every command. 25 00:01:01,974 --> 00:01:03,280 Dad! 26 00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:04,977 I'm sorry, Hayley, but these are facts. 27 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:07,545 Francine was lucky she locked me down when she did. 28 00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,417 That's not what you said at the time. 29 00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:12,333 Remember the night of the placemats conversation? 30 00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:15,118 Of course. That was the night I won the big argument. 31 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:17,164 I won the argument, Stan. 32 00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:21,168 The sweet man I married admitted I was right. 33 00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:23,213 We should have placemats. 34 00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,607 Please. I remember exactly how it happened. 35 00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:26,869 We were in the living room. 36 00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:28,653 Show me. Show me exactly. 37 00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:32,179 Maybe that'll jog your thick memory. 38 00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,876 Was it my food? 39 00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,618 Did you have to serve your mom's Florida Cursed Fish 40 00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:38,489 with Argument Sauce? 41 00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:41,013 ♪ 42 00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:44,147 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 43 00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:47,194 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 44 00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:50,414 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 45 00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:54,114 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 46 00:01:56,855 --> 00:02:00,032 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 47 00:02:00,076 --> 00:02:02,078 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 48 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,384 Aah! 49 00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:08,128 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 50 00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:12,306 This was you... 51 00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:14,438 "I'm lucky to have a guy like you, Stan. 52 00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:17,659 Thanks for putting up with me even when I'm being ridiculous!" 53 00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:20,401 No. No! It was more like, 54 00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:23,186 "Francine, I've got a lot to learn, 55 00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,232 but you're the best thing in my life, 56 00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:26,885 and I just want to make you happy." 57 00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,452 That does not sound like me. 58 00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,237 I remember it exactly. 59 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,239 You were standing right over there. 60 00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:34,260 You know what? There's a simple way to settle this. 61 00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:36,243 Time travel. 62 00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:40,247 Oh, I wish I had a time machine right now, 63 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:43,250 so I could fast-forward to when we get to the C.I.A.'s 64 00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:46,078 time machine, and I'm proven right. 65 00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:48,777 Francine, it's like a nine-second drive. 66 00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:51,693 Can't believe Hayley and Jeff are having a dinner party 67 00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,216 the same night as mine. 68 00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:54,652 You could've invited them anyway. 69 00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:56,239 No, they bring nothing to the conversation. 70 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:57,655 They're zeroes. 71 00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,285 Is anyone else even coming to this party? 72 00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:00,658 Of course! 73 00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:02,965 Jurgen, Danuta, my various boys. 74 00:03:03,008 --> 00:03:05,097 Roger even RSVP'd "maybe." 75 00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:07,883 - Where is everybody? - They're coming! 76 00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:09,145 They're just running late. 77 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,929 Traffic is solid orange. 78 00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,409 Well, I'm starving. 79 00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:15,151 I'm digging into whatever these fried balls are. 80 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,501 Ugh. Klaus, what is in this? 81 00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:18,937 Skittles. 82 00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:20,548 Blue package. 83 00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,509 Do you always park here? 84 00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,792 Yeah. I did it once, and it just kind of became my thing. 85 00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,905 I got the machine. You know, it's interesting. 86 00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:31,341 We've had the tech for years, 87 00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:33,517 but Bullock insisted we keep refining it 88 00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:36,216 till it was small enough to fit in a chimpanzee's asshole. 89 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,478 Why? 90 00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:38,846 That's how big he wants everything. 91 00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:41,133 - So, where's the machine? - It's in my butt. 92 00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,484 Does it have to be there to work? 93 00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:45,790 Hmm. I guess not? 94 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,492 Did you...? 95 00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:52,754 Yeah, yeah. I washed it. Yeah. 96 00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:54,538 So, the argument happened the night 97 00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,932 when Rachel on Friends turned 30. 98 00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:58,716 At least we can agree on that. 99 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,110 Thursday nights back then, we'd go over to Tuttle's. 100 00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:02,503 He's our oldest friend. 101 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:05,157 We'd watch Friends, Inside Schwartz, 102 00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:07,769 then we'd change the channel to watch Temptation Island 103 00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:10,162 until Tuttle would say he was too horny, 104 00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:11,792 and the show was making him uncomfortable. 105 00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:13,557 Then, we'd change the channel to ER, 106 00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,167 calm him down, and go home. 107 00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:16,778 Now, if we're traveling in time, 108 00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,997 we can't let our younger selves see us. 109 00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:20,627 We could really mess up the time stream... 110 00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,740 create alternate futures, that kind of thing. 111 00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:25,308 The president is a dinosaur, there's no Sinbad. 112 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:26,962 In that case, I would hope 113 00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:29,834 President Brontosaurus would appoint a new Sinbad. 114 00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:32,837 So, we go upstairs, beam to that very night, 115 00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:36,580 right after ER ends, wait for our young selves to come in, 116 00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,756 watch the argument, figure out who's right, 117 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,845 and then jump back to the future for the apologies 118 00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:42,238 and the apology cake. 119 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,848 Apology cake? 120 00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:45,589 Oh, you'll be baking one. 121 00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:46,851 The cake can be any flavor. 122 00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,766 The point's more the humiliation. 123 00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:53,075 Oh, you're gonna be the one humiliated, Stan. 124 00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:55,686 Fire that thing up, and let's go. 125 00:04:58,254 --> 00:04:59,690 Wow. Remember this? 126 00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:01,823 That poster was so cool. 127 00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,235 - Never saw the film. - [door opens] 128 00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:05,217 Shh! I hear ourselves. 129 00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,089 Should we find a better place to hide? 130 00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,265 There's no... time. 131 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,136 YOUNG STAN: Wow. I just love that show. 132 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,095 Imagine having five friends! 133 00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:15,315 You have friends, Stan! 134 00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:18,013 I have three... Dick and Sanders. Tuttle. 135 00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:20,842 And, well, I also have my best friend... 136 00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:23,366 you, Francine. 137 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,281 You know, I noticed Tuttle's placemats. 138 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,370 I used to think they were just for show-offs. 139 00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:30,242 Now, I see they're an important part of crumb management. 140 00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:32,636 You were right, Francine. We should buy some placemats. 141 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,421 Aww, Stan. 142 00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:35,987 I already did. 143 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,949 Hey, roomies! What are you spying on? 144 00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:46,215 Ahhhhhh! 145 00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:47,651 Oh, right. 146 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,653 Our roommate, Radika. 147 00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:53,265 She was always doing laundry at the most inconvenient times. 148 00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:55,964 Ugh. Could this be any worse? 149 00:05:56,486 --> 00:06:00,490 [laughter] 150 00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,147 Let's all put our guns away. 151 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,757 We're you from the future. 152 00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,933 We traveled in time and did everything perfectly. 153 00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:11,675 Except we forgot about Radika, the tenant who used to rent 154 00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:13,460 what's now Steve and Hayley's rooms. 155 00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:15,287 Who are Steve and Hayley? 156 00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:17,072 Who's this old lady? 157 00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,378 Please, honey. 158 00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,902 We look basically exactly the same. 159 00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:24,209 Also, that hair doesn't work for you the way you think it does. 160 00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:25,907 Shoot 'em, Stan! Shoot 'em! 161 00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:28,300 Hang on. Hang on. Nobody needs to shoot anybody. 162 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,128 We time traveled here from the future, 163 00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:32,827 using C.I.A. technology, to settle an argument. 164 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,698 Francine, I'd die to protect you, 165 00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,221 but this guy's story checks out. 166 00:06:36,265 --> 00:06:37,527 Radika, all this is kind of 167 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,200 an American thing you wouldn't understand. 168 00:06:39,224 --> 00:06:40,661 I'm from Ohio! 169 00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:41,923 Do I need to kill Radika? 170 00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:43,490 No, no. It's okay. 171 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:46,144 Radika, does this honestly seem like something 172 00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:49,844 you want to be involved with? 173 00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:51,454 Bye, Radika! 174 00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:53,500 You know, I always had a little thing for Radika. 175 00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:58,374 So, you two came back in time to settle an argument? 176 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:02,160 And great news, I... and therefore you... were right! 177 00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:03,466 Of course we were. 178 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,163 We're friggin' Francine. 179 00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:07,557 Maybe you were right on the details and the facts, 180 00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,342 but bigger picture, I couldn't be more right. 181 00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,780 Look at this fine chunk of manflesh. 182 00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,217 You were lucky to lock this down, Francine. 183 00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:16,523 Uh, 'scuse me? 184 00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:18,220 This ain't exactly nothin'! 185 00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:20,918 Yeah, show her, Francine! 186 00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:24,748 Stan, look at that fine ass and apologize. 187 00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:26,184 You want me to look at it? 188 00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:27,882 At least enough to be polite. 189 00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,536 As long as you guys are here, 190 00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:32,800 shall we rip a pitcher of Franny's Crazy 'Ritas? 191 00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:34,517 They're called "crazy" 'cause I put so much 192 00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:36,194 alcohol and pills in 'em. 193 00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:41,983 Girl, I was you, I remember you, and I love you. 194 00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:45,160 Gah, feel how firm this couch is! 195 00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:46,770 You need to savor this. 196 00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:49,207 Over the years, it gets kind of old and worked in. 197 00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:52,210 A lot of things get kind of old and worked in. 198 00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:53,995 Excuse me? 199 00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,518 You know what, Stan? 200 00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,172 As long as I'm back here, 201 00:07:57,215 --> 00:07:59,827 I'm gonna go to Buckaroo's Pizza one last time. 202 00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:02,394 Appreciate that place. It's about to close. 203 00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,440 Oh, no! What happens to Martino? 204 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,181 [Bleep] if I know. 205 00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:09,227 When I get back, Stan, I hope you're ready to apologize. 206 00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:10,664 Me, too. 207 00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,535 Dude, you're not gonna accompany your lady? 208 00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,189 Nah. I'm gonna sit here and enjoy 209 00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,408 the former firmness of the couch, 210 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,585 then maybe play some Jurassic Park pinball. 211 00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:20,717 Great game. Never saw the movie. 212 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,070 Roger, Klaus is losing it. 213 00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,594 No one's coming to his party. 214 00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:29,247 I'm paralyzed! 215 00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:31,815 Because he's Klaus, I know no one else will show up. 216 00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:34,035 So that means I don't have to come in a persona. 217 00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,602 I can come as myself. 218 00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:39,301 But who is that, Steve? What does that mean? 219 00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:40,868 I don't know how Roger dresses. 220 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:42,260 I don't know how Roger acts. 221 00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:46,264 I... I don't know Roger! 222 00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:48,310 [cries] 223 00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:49,833 Roger. Roger. 224 00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:51,269 We can do this. 225 00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:52,836 Because you know who this is? 226 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,013 This vulnerable guy I'm talking to? 227 00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:58,059 That's Roger. 228 00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:00,540 [gasps] Roger's bald? 229 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,632 So, I don't know if you're allowed, 230 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:08,417 but can you tell me anything about the future? 231 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:12,290 Oh, you've got lots of stuff to look forward to. 232 00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:14,858 We go to Korea to investigate rumors 233 00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:16,468 of a reinvented Noah's Ark. 234 00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:19,080 You bring James Garfield back to life. 235 00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:20,951 You become a horse briefly. 236 00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:22,910 There's a salt mine in our backyard. 237 00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,868 Do... Do we have any kids? 238 00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:26,304 Oh, yeah! 239 00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,524 We also have a talking fish named Klaus, 240 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,266 and an alien named Roger lives with us. 241 00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:33,660 There's a koala named Reginald for a while. 242 00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:35,400 Forget what happens to him. 243 00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:39,753 And then, there's Rogu, who kind of came off of Roger. 244 00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:42,146 So, Rogu is Roger's baby? 245 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:46,586 Not in the traditional sense, but he does breastfeed him. 246 00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:54,115 So, I gotta say, I'm kind of liking the sloppy, 247 00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:56,683 older thing you got going on, Old Stan. 248 00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,641 - Oh, yeah? - There's no term for this, 249 00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:02,863 but I've always been into the bods of dads. 250 00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:05,343 - "Dad bod." - Oh, my God, that's so funny. 251 00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,345 You're so funny. 252 00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:09,696 You are a dad, aren't you? 253 00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:11,915 Did you knock me up, Stan? 254 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:13,308 I sure did. 255 00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:14,590 We have a daughter, Hayley, and... 256 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,789 Don't tell me their names. 257 00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,399 I don't wanna hear the names. 258 00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:20,707 Just tell me you knocked me up real good. 259 00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:22,360 Maybe you shouldn't get so close. 260 00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:24,754 Old Francine's already pretty mad at me. 261 00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,166 She'll be even madder if she heard me 262 00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,714 call her "Old Francine." 263 00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:30,325 That better be our little secret, then. 264 00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:33,371 Maybe we should have other secrets. 265 00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:36,200 We could even get Radika in the mix... 266 00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:39,160 fully clothed and completely off-limits to you, of course, 267 00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:42,816 but she'd be in the mix. 268 00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:44,948 Francine, I know all I ever talk about 269 00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:47,124 is how I'm gonna kill Osama bin Laden, 270 00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,387 but I'm also full of a lot of love. 271 00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:54,001 And just as much as I want to kill him, I love you. 272 00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:56,743 Whatever I did that you're mad at me about in the future, 273 00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:58,179 I apologize. 274 00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:00,181 You were right, and I'm sorry. 275 00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,400 You're gonna have a great life. 276 00:11:02,444 --> 00:11:04,402 Enjoy every second of it. 277 00:11:04,446 --> 00:11:05,969 YOUNG FRANCINE: Is that Radika? 278 00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:09,103 Get in here, girl! 279 00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:11,975 What the...? I should've known! 280 00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:13,237 You! 281 00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,631 How could I not see that coming? 282 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,939 You pulled a classic separation move on me! 283 00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:22,159 I taught us that... to use against others! 284 00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:23,770 We never made that deal! 285 00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:25,380 Share your man! 286 00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,338 Are... Are you mad about this, me? 287 00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:28,600 Not really. 288 00:11:28,644 --> 00:11:30,124 I mean, if you're me, 289 00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:32,213 then I'm about to have sex for the eighth time! 290 00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,389 That's a healthy attitude. 291 00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:37,784 Wanna come over here and give me a double extra good-time, 292 00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:39,437 Stanning? 293 00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:41,613 See if you can make your wangs meet in the middle. 294 00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:44,051 Staniel, may I see you in the kitchen? 295 00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:47,271 - Which one of... - You! 296 00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,708 I can't believe you. 297 00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:51,667 Cheating on me the first second you get a chance? 298 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,495 Yeah, but cheating on you with you. 299 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:54,844 That's romantic. 300 00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:56,716 I have an idea. 301 00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:59,806 What if both Francines cool off with a hot steamy shower... 302 00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:03,026 You know what? If you love the past so much, 303 00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:06,769 you can stay here until you've learned your lesson. 304 00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,946 Why don't you keep him if you want him so much, young me? 305 00:12:09,990 --> 00:12:11,295 I'm going back to the present. 306 00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:12,775 Wait, Francine. 307 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:15,038 You can't leave two Stans here in one timeline. 308 00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:17,084 What if we kiss, and can't stop kissing? 309 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,913 Fine. I'm taking the Stan I like better. 310 00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:23,264 Goodbye, Stan. 311 00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,483 Okay. All right. No problem. 312 00:12:25,527 --> 00:12:28,008 I still have you in your prime. 313 00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,487 Now, where were we? 314 00:12:29,531 --> 00:12:32,534 Actually, some of the stuff old me was saying 315 00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:33,840 sounded kind of bad. 316 00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,319 Don't listen to her. She's crazy. 317 00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:38,322 - She's me! - I-I meant crazy in a cool way. 318 00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:40,672 Cool Runnings. Is that from now? 319 00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:44,502 I'd be pretty mad if you slept with 20-years-ago me. 320 00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:47,027 - She'd be 8. - Exactly, you perv! 321 00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:50,334 I'm gonna crash at Trish's until I find my own place. 322 00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:53,860 Good luck, Stan. 323 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,340 Santa? Oh. 324 00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:01,041 Mr. and Mrs. S. 325 00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:04,305 You decided to return for hookah, figs, 326 00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:05,741 and apricot brandy. 327 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,352 Hayley, your father and I went back in time 328 00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:09,876 to settle our argument, 329 00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:12,748 but then, your dad acted like a jackass, 330 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,882 so I left him back there and gave myself an upgrade. 331 00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:18,580 Meet your new dad, Young Dad. 332 00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:20,712 - Whoa. - Hi. 333 00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:21,931 You're my daughter? 334 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,933 You messed with the time stream? 335 00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:26,196 I feel myself fading away! 336 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,285 Jeff, that doesn't make sense. 337 00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:30,113 Dad's not your dad. 338 00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:32,637 But how come I still exist? 339 00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,726 You're already conceived, somewhere back there. 340 00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:35,945 In that case, I'm good. 341 00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:37,555 Nice to meet you, Young Dad. 342 00:13:37,599 --> 00:13:38,861 What's your favorite band? 343 00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,168 Tie... Evanescence and Wheatus. 344 00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,213 We're gonna be all right. 345 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:45,912 Now, because we did mess up time, 346 00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:48,566 I'm not sure if Steve will still be here, 347 00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:51,352 which means you'll have to be the one 348 00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:53,180 who remembers the wi-fi password. 349 00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:54,572 Steve! 350 00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:56,748 This is a young version of your dad. 351 00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,315 He'll be your new father. 352 00:13:58,359 --> 00:14:00,535 Wait. Does this mean I won't exist? 353 00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:02,580 Either we'll eventually conceive you, 354 00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,365 or you'll start to fade away 355 00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,541 into non-existence as time changes. 356 00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:09,544 Well, at least that would get me out of Klaus' dinner party. 357 00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,589 - Who's Klaus again? - Don't worry about Klaus. 358 00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:13,156 Klaus is nobody. 359 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:17,769 Well, Young Dad, allow me to introduce you to Roger. 360 00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,902 Hi. I'm Roger. 361 00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,773 Stan, you're gonna meet me in Utah 362 00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:24,646 about 12 years ago, my past, your future. 363 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:27,257 We made a beautiful sound together. 364 00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:30,608 Was that a space alien? 365 00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,697 - [doorbell rings] - Who could that be? 366 00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:37,877 [gasps] 367 00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:42,794 Oh, hey, Radika. 368 00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:44,274 Sorry it's a little messy in here. 369 00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:46,624 I'm just going hog on the bachelor lifestyle. 370 00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:51,803 So, it's looking like Francine's not coming back, huh? 371 00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:53,849 What's it been, like, two months? 372 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,198 Two months, six days. 373 00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:56,634 Yeah, don't think she's coming. 374 00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:59,202 But it's cool. I'm enjoying... all this. 375 00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,422 Plus, I'm about to win big gambling. 376 00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:02,945 I know the Cincinnati Bagels 377 00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:04,816 win the Super Bowl one of these years. 378 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,688 - The Bengals? - Yeah, maybe. 379 00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:09,256 Well, I'm sure you'll find someone else. 380 00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,040 You're a catch, Stan. 381 00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:14,522 Thanks. But it's just so hard to meet new people, Radika. 382 00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:17,786 Pssh, you're telling me. 383 00:15:17,829 --> 00:15:19,831 ANNOUNCER: Flips it downfield! 384 00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,442 Knocked away! 385 00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:25,533 ♪ 386 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:33,845 Somewhere inside me, I think I always knew this was right. 387 00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,673 Me too, Stan. 388 00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:38,198 There's so much I love about you. 389 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:41,418 And the things I don't love I know I can fix. 390 00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,507 Because you don't need placemats! 391 00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,379 Why would we have something we don't need? 392 00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:47,511 Why did I think this was a good idea? 393 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,209 My mother warned me. 394 00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:52,038 Why did I marry an old C.I.A. agent 395 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:53,735 who spent all of our savings 396 00:15:53,778 --> 00:15:55,650 betting on the Cincinnati Bengals 397 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:57,086 to win the Super Bowl?! 398 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:59,262 They win one of these years, I swear! 399 00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:02,048 I remember tears of joy on Carson Palmer's face! 400 00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,658 He was kissing his little boy. 401 00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,877 This isn't working out, Stan. 402 00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:08,402 - Fine. - Fine! 403 00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:11,492 STAN: Maybe I messed up when I lost Francine. 404 00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:14,538 Maybe she was the best thing that ever happened to me. 405 00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:16,279 No, no, no. I'm fine. 406 00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,499 I'm still a cool single guy! 407 00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:19,935 You know, I always regretted 408 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,719 never doing a year as a ski bum. 409 00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:23,286 Maybe I'll try that. 410 00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:26,072 So, are you interested in buying this one, or...? 411 00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:27,551 Nah. Motorcycles aren't for me. 412 00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,075 Way too dangerous. 413 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,339 Cool. You're all set. 414 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,620 Have a great day on the mountain. 415 00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,603 ROGER: Gustin. Marlowe. Gustin! 416 00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:38,649 I didn't buy you two $400 Helly Hanson jackets 417 00:16:38,693 --> 00:16:39,931 so you could just sit in the lodge. 418 00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:41,174 - Let's move. - Roger? 419 00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:42,827 Hmm? You're confused. 420 00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:46,092 I'm Doctor Steele Birchington, Houston cardiac surgeon. 421 00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,311 I've put in over 600 stents. 422 00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:51,097 Gustin! Gustin, stay in line. 423 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:53,273 No, Roger, it's me, Stan. 424 00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:56,537 You don't know me yet, or maybe we never met, but... 425 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,278 God, it's so good to see a friend! 426 00:16:58,321 --> 00:16:59,757 What're you talking about? 427 00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,039 You know what? What'd you say your name is? 428 00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:02,804 Stan? I'm ready for a change. 429 00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:04,066 What's your thing, old man? 430 00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,720 You're too old to be a ski bum. 431 00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:08,070 Yeah, I was thinking about starting a coffee shop. 432 00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,332 Maybe learn guitar. 433 00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:10,812 I'm in. Goodbye, kids. 434 00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:12,398 Tell your mother I was sleeping with Paolo 435 00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:14,033 from photography class. 436 00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:21,953 [guitar strumming "Africa" by Toto] 437 00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:24,565 ♪ Gonna take some time to do the things ♪ 438 00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:29,352 ♪ We never haa-aa-aad! ♪ 439 00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:34,140 ♪ 440 00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:36,533 Stan, we're locking in on a sound, here. 441 00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:38,796 We could be a credible Toto cover band. 442 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,059 No. 443 00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,277 No. This isn't right. 444 00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:42,601 We're sounding better than ever, 445 00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:44,585 but nothing feels right. 446 00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,674 I blew it when I lost Francine. 447 00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:49,068 What're you talking about? You've got Amanda now. 448 00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:53,159 It's not the same. 449 00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:54,769 I've been going through life 450 00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:57,206 with nothing to keep me company but regret. 451 00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,252 Uh, okay. 452 00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:03,212 Is there any way to fix my life? 453 00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:06,041 And so, I waited until now, Francine. 454 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,391 Life was so dreary without you. 455 00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:10,611 Sure, I got to witness the 2008 Olympic 456 00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,178 opening ceremonies again. 457 00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:14,397 Incredible, Francine, the precision. 458 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,399 But it wasn't worth it. 459 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,184 Life without you was hollow. 460 00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,011 I had years to think on it. 461 00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:23,189 I realized that, maybe, just maybe, if I could wait 462 00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:26,017 until tonight... the very night when we went back in time 463 00:18:26,061 --> 00:18:27,628 because of my stupid pride... 464 00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:30,457 maybe there'd be a chance to salvage some of my life. 465 00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,895 So, you relived the last 20 years? 466 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:36,550 Not quite. Young Francine left me. 467 00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:37,812 She married Principal Lewis. 468 00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:39,379 Ooh, nice. 469 00:18:39,422 --> 00:18:40,834 And she had this great group of girlfriends, too. 470 00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:42,208 If one of them needed something, 471 00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,663 the other ones were, like, always there. 472 00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:45,602 They were, like, closer than sisters. 473 00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:47,058 There was some drama when Lillian was 474 00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:48,451 getting married again, and it was like, 475 00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:50,195 "Does she deserve a second bachelorette..." 476 00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:53,219 - No! - What's happening? 477 00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:55,046 I heard something, so I started shooting. 478 00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,918 That's you! 479 00:18:56,961 --> 00:19:01,836 This beautiful, special woman is yours now, young Stan. 480 00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:04,447 Don't make the mistake I did. 481 00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:06,623 Don't live your life full of regret. 482 00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,669 [groans] 483 00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:10,932 Oh, Stan! 484 00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,108 No. No. This isn't right. 485 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,893 We can't let this happen to this pathetic old man. 486 00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:18,026 Where are we going? 487 00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:20,594 Back in time. 488 00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:22,248 Guests! 489 00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:24,206 People came! 490 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,077 And look at you, Roger. 491 00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:29,211 What outrageous persona are you presenting? 492 00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:32,432 Klaus, I'd like you to meet Roger. 493 00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:33,694 Hi. I'm Roger. 494 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,478 I like baseball and musicals. 495 00:19:35,522 --> 00:19:39,482 Nice to meet you, Roger. 496 00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,876 I'm so sorry we're late, Klaus. 497 00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:43,573 Traffic was solid orange. 498 00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:46,272 I can't believe this. People came! 499 00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:51,102 Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to someone. This is... 500 00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:54,889 Demetrius Fitzpatio, chiropractor to the stars! 501 00:19:57,544 --> 00:20:00,590 Who am I? 502 00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:04,942 Oh, I wish I had a time machine right now, 503 00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:07,902 so I could fast-forward to when we get to the C.I.A.'s 504 00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:10,905 time machine, and I'm proven right. 505 00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:14,169 Francine, it's like a nine-second drive. 506 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,127 - Ahhh! - Looking for this? 507 00:20:16,171 --> 00:20:17,520 Don't do it, Stan. 508 00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:18,956 Let go of your pride. 509 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,958 It's not worth losing Francine over. 510 00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:23,134 Don't worry, sweetie. I'm you. 511 00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:24,919 We're doing great. 512 00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:26,486 [whispers] You win the argument. 513 00:20:26,529 --> 00:20:29,228 Appreciate what you have, Stan. 514 00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:34,145 Do you know what that was about? 515 00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,191 No. But you know what? 516 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,149 Maybe we don't go back in time. 517 00:20:38,193 --> 00:20:39,760 I'm sure you were right. 518 00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:42,153 Whatever happened in the past, it brought us here. 519 00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:43,372 That's right. 520 00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:45,287 And it's pretty nice, isn't it? 521 00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:47,115 It's beautiful. 522 00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:49,354 Did you know Klaus was also having a dinner party tonight? 523 00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,511 Mother[bleep] didn't invite us! 524 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:52,773 We could go back and ruin it. 525 00:20:52,816 --> 00:20:54,296 Beats Jeff's figs. 526 00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,211 That's not dessert. 527 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,213 Bye! Have a beautiful time!