1 00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:07,181 Ahh, the perfect night for the Smith family picnic. 2 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:11,272 I always feel so fancy walking into a gated community. 3 00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,795 Our community, Mom. 4 00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,231 We're property owners here. 5 00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:15,798 Hustle up, guys. 6 00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,626 If we want to picnic on the family gravesite, 7 00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,584 we need butts on blankets by sunset, 8 00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:20,803 and we've only got... 9 00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:24,502 one fist... of time, I guess. 10 00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:26,243 Still don't know how people do that. 11 00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:29,681 Wow! The view up here is amazing. 12 00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:31,553 It better be. 13 00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:34,556 It's the swankiest neighborhood in the whole cemetery. 14 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:38,081 Can you imagine being buried down there by the restrooms? 15 00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,997 That's where the runoff from our bodies ends up. 16 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,087 And you know we're getting the leakiest coffins money can buy. 17 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,741 [woman crying] 18 00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:47,699 Papa, what is this? 19 00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:50,093 Who is this dark weeper on our land? 20 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:52,878 Babe, isn't that our forever home? 21 00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:56,143 Hey, all our plots are filled. 22 00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,101 - What gives? - KLAUS: Phew. 23 00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:02,149 Mine still looks normal. 24 00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:04,542 All right, I think I may know what happened here. 25 00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:07,502 Little while ago, I sold our plots for some quick cash. 26 00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,939 I was planning to buy them back before we needed them, 27 00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:12,115 but apparently, someone's family 28 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,943 had to go and walk into a mass tragedy. 29 00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,119 Yeah, our family! 30 00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:19,122 Dad, my grave was the one nice thing I owned. 31 00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:20,732 How could you do this? 32 00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:23,561 To buy the sweet Sea-Doos we'll all be enjoying. 33 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:26,129 Soon as I sell a few things, get some quick cash for a trailer. 34 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,262 But who wants Jet Skis?! 35 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:30,133 We want our graves! 36 00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,589 Hey, there's a lot of pressure that comes 37 00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,658 with being the decision-maker in the family. 38 00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:35,573 Not every one of them is gonna be a home run. 39 00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,271 Stan, fix it. 40 00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,316 How? This looks like a done deal. 41 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,665 Just fix it! 42 00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,102 Let's just get out of here, okay? 43 00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:43,166 I can't listen to this shit anymore. 44 00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,452 How recent was your tragedy? 45 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:47,759 Like five minutes ago? God! 46 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,110 [patriotic music plays] 47 00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:52,938 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 48 00:01:52,982 --> 00:01:56,725 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 49 00:01:56,768 --> 00:01:59,989 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 50 00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:03,949 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 51 00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:09,651 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 52 00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,522 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 53 00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:12,915 Aah! 54 00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:17,485 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 55 00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:20,096 ♪ 56 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,708 Whoa. Is this God's office? 57 00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:26,407 God wishes. The cemetery owner's. 58 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,017 Okay, when we get in there, 59 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,801 I want us to be prepared for the worst. 60 00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,542 We may need to take a worse plot. 61 00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:33,370 You messed this up, Stan. 62 00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,024 You go fix it. 63 00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:37,809 TEDDY: Entrée! 64 00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:42,205 Wh... You're not Postmates. 65 00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:44,642 Postmates? Aren't you roasting a pig? 66 00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,644 Oh, this? I just like the smell. 67 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:50,082 Oh, you're a guest, then. I love guests. 68 00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:52,041 Take a look around. Whiff the pig. 69 00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:53,869 I have all the right and good stuff. 70 00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:55,653 Here. Touch this old thing. 71 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,829 Can you sense its temporal immensities? 72 00:02:57,873 --> 00:02:59,309 Uh-huh. I wanted to talk to you 73 00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:01,529 about buying another plot for my family. 74 00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:03,226 - See, we ran into a... - We're full. 75 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,054 - What? - The cemetery. 76 00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:07,317 It's full up, I'm afraid, ever since Gwyneth Paltrow 77 00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,537 mentioned us as her favorite summering cemetery 78 00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,452 in an article on Goop. 79 00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,081 BOTH: 10 Places to Be Buried Before You Die. 80 00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:14,368 Yeah, I get the newsletter. 81 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,457 Everyone was begging to get in after that. 82 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,459 I made millions. 83 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,070 Ooh, do you want to watch me ride a penny farthing? 84 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:23,246 I'll need a boost. And a push. 85 00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,640 Uh-huh. But there has to be something left, right? 86 00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:26,684 Please. I'm desperate. 87 00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,512 Well... 88 00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:31,602 I have two spots here, but you won't want them. 89 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:34,562 I'll take anything! Thank you. 90 00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:38,174 I'm not leaving until I get an eyeful of you on that high bike. 91 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,177 KLAUS: The plots are in Pedophile Alley? 92 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,919 But this is only for confirmed pedophiles! 93 00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:47,052 And if it's only two plots, how are we all gonna fit? 94 00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:48,532 You can squeeze with your mother. 95 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:50,467 The liver disease will leave her rail-thin anyway. 96 00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,667 - Preach. - [zipper closes] 97 00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:54,886 [chuckles] I get this looks bad, 98 00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:56,758 but I'm no sicko. 99 00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,629 The cemetery pays me to desecrate these graves 100 00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:00,196 by peeing on them. 101 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,111 It's the only way the city would sanction 102 00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:03,721 a burial site like this. 103 00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:05,984 Okay. Take care. 104 00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:08,160 Camembert, anyone? 105 00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:09,379 What? 106 00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:11,555 You always do this. 107 00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:15,167 You make big dumb decisions based on big dumb ideas, 108 00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:16,952 and it ends up hurting all of us. 109 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:17,953 I'm sick of it! 110 00:04:17,996 --> 00:04:19,520 We're all sick of it! 111 00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,348 Well, I'm sick of all this criticism. 112 00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,219 I'd like to see you do any better. 113 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,743 We can't do any worse than picnicking on pedophiles! 114 00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:27,310 All right, then. Be my guest. 115 00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,704 My final decision as family shot caller 116 00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:32,010 is that you can all call the shots from now on. 117 00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:34,361 Fine. We obviously need a new place to be buried. 118 00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:36,319 - Agreed. - Top priority. 119 00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:39,496 But we need money because Dad spent it all on Jet Skis. 120 00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:40,280 [rustling] 121 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,325 [gasping] 122 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,761 [coughs] 123 00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,633 One of my personas is buried here. 124 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,025 You guys need money? 125 00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:48,592 This place is making a tidy profit, 126 00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,768 and there's clearly still a demand. 127 00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,509 [sniffs] Is that piss? 128 00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:54,424 God, who keeps doing that? 129 00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:58,341 Maybe this is crazy, but if we opened our own cemetery, 130 00:04:58,385 --> 00:05:01,301 we could make money and give ourselves the best plots! 131 00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:02,563 Two birds, one stone. 132 00:05:02,606 --> 00:05:04,913 More like one tombstone. 133 00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:09,091 Tombstone. 134 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:12,355 Your first big decision is to open a cemetery? 135 00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,226 That is, without a doubt, 136 00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:16,403 the dumbest idea I have ever heard. 137 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:17,795 You need land for that! 138 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,145 Well, I think it's a great idea. 139 00:05:20,189 --> 00:05:21,843 And we already have the land. 140 00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,279 The backyard! 141 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,933 No one ever goes back there, anyway. 142 00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:26,761 Steve, I apologize. 143 00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,458 Your idea isn't the dumbest anymore. 144 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,677 Your mother's is. 145 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,374 Well, I think it rules, Mom. 146 00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:32,462 Me too. 147 00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:33,898 Sure, or... 148 00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:35,204 and this is just another way 149 00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,988 we could make money with the backyard... 150 00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,469 poolside club. 151 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:43,255 We open up cabanas back there and sell bottle service. 152 00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:46,433 It's friggin' lucrative. 153 00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:48,391 I went to Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club 154 00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:53,135 and paid $40 for a chicken Caesar wrap that never came. 155 00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:54,615 And I loved it! 156 00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:56,791 I tipped another $40. 157 00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,880 But that's me. I like to splash. 158 00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,537 All right. 159 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,756 Well, if your remission takes a turn, 160 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,125 - you have my number. - [cellphone beeps] 161 00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,847 Well, that was every old person I know. 162 00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:12,459 Every one, healthy as an ox. 163 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:15,679 Gosh, awfully dead around here, isn't it? 164 00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:19,204 I guess you could say this cemetery situation... 165 00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:20,486 Hang on. I worked hard on this one. 166 00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:21,946 I don't want you to miss it. 167 00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,515 Remains grave! 168 00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:29,040 Two puns! Call me Ol' Stanny-Two-Puns! 169 00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:31,652 Francine? 170 00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,175 Did you go in another room? 171 00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:35,482 Okay, we don't have any business, 172 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:38,267 and that's not something we can rub in Stan's face. 173 00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:40,443 We just need some outside-the-box ideas 174 00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,706 for getting bodies in the ground. 175 00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,926 How did that other cemetery make so much money? 176 00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,928 Gwyneth Paltrow bought a plot there. 177 00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:49,670 Hey, what if we got an even bigger celebrity 178 00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:51,323 to buy a plot here? 179 00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:53,891 Yeah, but who's bigger than Gwyneth Paltrow? 180 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,632 I once saw a woman bigger than her. 181 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,460 In the movie Shallow Hal. 182 00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,375 But that turned out to be her, too. 183 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,159 Let's each take the rest of the day 184 00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,161 to brainstorm some names. 185 00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,382 [door opens, closes] 186 00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:08,732 [door opens] 187 00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:09,820 TOGETHER: Scottie Pippen! 188 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,648 And look! 189 00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:14,172 He's coming through town in a few days on a book tour 190 00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:17,001 of his new Navy thriller, Deep Danger. 191 00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:18,525 Then it's settled. 192 00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:21,223 We need NBA Hall of Famer Scottie Pippen 193 00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:24,487 - to save our cemetery. - Do we, though? 194 00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,837 I feel like we're really just latching onto the first idea 195 00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:28,448 out of the gate each time. 196 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:31,929 Maybe if we revisit some other ideas... 197 00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:34,932 Oh, my God, no one is feeling your pool pub or whatever. 198 00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,194 "Pool pub"? 199 00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:38,283 It's a poolside club! 200 00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,000 There's so much human fluid in those things, 201 00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,244 you can walk away pregnant just by swimming through it. 202 00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:44,028 So freaking cool. 203 00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:46,466 You're talkin' a poolside club back here? 204 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:48,032 Killer idea. 205 00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,339 Thank you! They won't listen. 206 00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:53,385 They're so horny to get Scottie Pippen instead. 207 00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:56,040 They're getting Pippen to save the cemetery? 208 00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:58,173 Damn, that's a really good choice. 209 00:07:58,216 --> 00:08:00,044 I never would have thought of that. 210 00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:02,090 Huh. Maybe they're right about me. 211 00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,048 Maybe I do make bad decisions. 212 00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:06,355 Stan, do you think it's possible 213 00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:08,923 that without the family around to doubt you, 214 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,751 you're starting to doubt yourself a little? 215 00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:13,580 No way. Then again, what do I know? 216 00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:16,670 A second ago, I said I liked one of your ideas, and I meant it. 217 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,299 I mean, that's gotta be a red flag, right? 218 00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:20,151 No, you were right to like it. 219 00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:22,066 - My idea is special. - [water splashes] 220 00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:23,894 I gotta nip this in the bud. 221 00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,723 My signature decisiveness is who I am. 222 00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,725 Just gotta make one really great choice 223 00:08:28,769 --> 00:08:30,205 and see it through to success 224 00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:32,337 to get back up on that confidence horse. 225 00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,035 Oof. "Confidence horse"? 226 00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,471 Where did that come from? 227 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,560 I'm an idiot. 228 00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,344 I can fix this. 229 00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,651 Just one big decision that everything can ride on. 230 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:42,826 That's all it takes. 231 00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:45,786 And that decision is... 232 00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:47,657 poolside club? 233 00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:49,093 Is... Is that okay? 234 00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:50,660 Are you really deferring to me? 235 00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:52,096 Yeah, I think I am. 236 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,881 Then mount up, Stan. 237 00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,884 Because I will be your confidence horse. 238 00:08:57,319 --> 00:09:01,758 ♪ 239 00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:03,543 More people than I thought. 240 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,980 It's fine. I'm a cucumber. 241 00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:08,852 Just get me close enough to get a shot off. 242 00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:10,375 I love you so much, babe. 243 00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:11,768 You brought a gun?! 244 00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:13,509 Jeff, you cannot shoot Scottie Pippen. 245 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,860 But your mom said we need his body to save the junkyard. 246 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:19,384 Cemetery. And we only need him to buy a plot. 247 00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:20,777 We just have to talk to him. 248 00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,997 Next. What am I signing? 249 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:26,000 With any luck, an invoice for a coffin! 250 00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:29,307 Mr. Pippen, have you put any thought into your burial plan? 251 00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:31,135 Mm, I have been meaning 252 00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:33,660 to get my affairs in order for awhile now. 253 00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:36,663 Well, we have a gorgeous little cemetery 254 00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:37,857 we'd love to show you some ti... 255 00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:38,839 Okay. 256 00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,797 Oh, right now? Great! 257 00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,625 This little guy's not with you, is he? 258 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,279 He's got a bad energy. 259 00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,760 He's all sweaty like we're on a date. 260 00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:49,284 This isn't a trick date with this dude, is it? 261 00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:52,374 [chuckles] Don't worry about me, Mr. Poppins. 262 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:55,725 I was just nervous from before about killing you. 263 00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:00,164 Do you really have 11 siblings? 264 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,992 How did you guys go to the movies? 265 00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:05,300 Is the Olympic Village really just one big sex pile? 266 00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,694 How many feet high are you? 267 00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:11,611 Was the set of He Got Game really just one big sex pile? 268 00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:13,221 I'm sorry if my family 269 00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,136 seems a little starstruck, Mr. Pippin. 270 00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,529 We're all huge fans of yours. 271 00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:20,358 I'm gonna be honest with you. My book sales are down. 272 00:10:20,402 --> 00:10:21,597 That's why I agreed to come here. 273 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,971 So, you'll buy a plot? 274 00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,668 I can do better. 275 00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:29,106 What would you say to burying me here tonight? 276 00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:32,588 Everybody make up their damn minds! 277 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,808 My publisher thinks I'll sell more books 278 00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,200 if I fake my own death. 279 00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:39,116 I'd get a chance to make the best-sellers list, 280 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,554 and you'll get to lock in a celebrity here forever. 281 00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:44,600 I would just need to lay low with you for a while. 282 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,776 So what do you say? 283 00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:50,562 Goodbye, Scottie Pippen. 284 00:10:50,606 --> 00:10:53,653 And hello, savings! 285 00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:56,743 While other cemeteries may ask an arm and a leg for burial, 286 00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:58,875 our family business believes your limbs 287 00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,007 should be buried with you. 288 00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:01,443 Unless they were lost 289 00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:04,098 in an industrial accident or something. Ha. 290 00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:07,231 Down here at Sweet Surrender, we got deals to die for 291 00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:10,626 and burial sites for every taste. 292 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,497 From water features 293 00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:15,457 to lush greenery, 294 00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,894 we got it all, basically. 295 00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:20,505 And we're excited to announce starting today, 296 00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:22,899 the only thing lower than our prices 297 00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:26,773 is the body of NBA champion Scottie Pippen! 298 00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,735 He's dead. 299 00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:35,477 So come on down to the best little cemetery 300 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,045 in Langley Falls, Sweet Surrender, 301 00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:40,438 and spend eternity with Scottie Pippen. 302 00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:42,266 Who is, as we just proved, 303 00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:45,226 dead now. 304 00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:47,097 When did you get a TV in here? 305 00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:49,839 Um, around the same time as the whiteboard. 306 00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:53,756 Oh. Okay. Back to work. 307 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,281 Now, we need a theme that's going to scream cool, 308 00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,370 unique, exclusive. 309 00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:01,590 Good luck topping this one Stan... 310 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:04,506 A Night to Remember. 311 00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,073 What do you have? 312 00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:08,771 World War I Christmas Truce. 313 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,599 It's bad. I hate it. 314 00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:13,471 Hey, buddy, come on. I like it. 315 00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:16,126 I'm putting it on the board, I like it so much. 316 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,475 But we'll just know in our hearts 317 00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:19,129 that we're doing mine, okay? 318 00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:20,827 Menu items! Hit me. 319 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,133 Cream-top lasagna? 320 00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:25,788 [gasps] Did you say spiked soft-serve? 321 00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:26,920 - Did I? - Yes! 322 00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:30,053 Adult ice cream. I love it. 323 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:33,100 We'll call it hard serve. What do you think? 324 00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:34,492 I don't know. 325 00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:36,146 Great. It's settled. 326 00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:38,975 Now, suspenders for the bartenders. 327 00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:41,064 I personally like the denim ones. 328 00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:42,892 The kind with the buckles at the tops 329 00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:45,068 and they're, like, part of the pants. 330 00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:46,678 - Overalls? - No! 331 00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:48,245 Stan, your ideas are terrible! 332 00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:49,681 Okay. 333 00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:52,467 Denim suspenders locked in. 334 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:53,990 Moving on. 335 00:12:54,034 --> 00:12:56,819 We're sorry for your loss. 336 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,822 But take comfort, your grandmother's coffin 337 00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:02,564 will be touching Scottie Pippen's for eternity. 338 00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:04,566 It's all she ever wanted. 339 00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:07,569 Cha-ching! 340 00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,092 Boy, I thought the commercial 341 00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:10,920 might help move the needle a little, 342 00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:12,748 but to fill up in one day? 343 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,315 Wow. 344 00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:16,317 And to think, all these people 345 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,536 wanted to buried next to me, 346 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:21,191 world-famous novelist Scottie Pippen. 347 00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:24,064 [sniffs] Oof. And they're starting to stink. 348 00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:25,563 We should maybe come up with some sort 349 00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,110 of a refrigeration system. 350 00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:30,244 No time. We've got a lot of bodies to prepare. 351 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,376 You know, we could just put up the headstones 352 00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:34,204 and dump all these in the pool. 353 00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:36,728 Seal it over with concrete. You mean a mass grave? 354 00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:39,601 Yes! Thank you, Steve, for putting words to my idea. 355 00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:42,560 I love all the support and positivity without Stan around. 356 00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:44,301 Where's Dad been lately? 357 00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:47,565 And we should have a very chill, very bored hot lady 358 00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:49,524 in a glass case behind the bar. 359 00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:51,656 [sniffs] Ugh! What's that smell? 360 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,442 That's the sweet smell of success. 361 00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,139 Take a whiff, Stan. 362 00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:59,099 The dumbest idea you've ever heard worked. 363 00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:02,232 Best of all, we did it without you. 364 00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:03,407 How does that feel? 365 00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:04,495 Bad. 366 00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:08,064 Well... good. 367 00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:10,284 - Dad, are you okay? - He's fine. 368 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,025 You have to get these bodies out of here. 369 00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,504 Stan and I are doing the bar 370 00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:15,637 - in the backyard idea. - You're what? 371 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,136 And the health inspector is coming tomorrow 372 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,858 - to give us the all clear. - What?! 373 00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,685 I can barely believe it, either! 374 00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:22,513 This has been a dream of mi... Ooh! 375 00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:24,254 How dare you! 376 00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:25,690 Sabotage! 377 00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:27,779 This is a new low, Dad. 378 00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:30,086 Yeah. Eat shit, sad guy! 379 00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:34,656 Admit it, you knew a health inspector would shut us down. 380 00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:37,528 You don't care about Klaus's stupid thing. 381 00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:39,879 You just want us to fail. 382 00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,489 Dad, you want us to fail? 383 00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:43,012 I don't know. 384 00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:45,319 If I do, I'm sorry. Probably. 385 00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:46,798 At least I think I'm sorry. 386 00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,235 Klaus, what am I? 387 00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:50,890 You're on the clock! Let's get to work. 388 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:53,109 Look, you've got your stupid thing going on, 389 00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:55,242 and Stan and I have my good thing, 390 00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:57,374 and they are separate things. 391 00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,724 Now, stop distracting my employee. 392 00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:01,639 He has napkins to fold! 393 00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:03,511 And make it snappy, Stan! 394 00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,817 This isn't Easter brunch at the White House! 395 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,645 This is a place where people will have sex 396 00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:09,430 in the port-o-potties! 397 00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:14,087 ♪ 398 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,871 I thought I would hate doing this, 399 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,046 but it's actually giving me 400 00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:19,179 some exciting ideas for my new novel. 401 00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:21,094 Thank you! Just leave 'em by the door. 402 00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:27,839 Yeah, just like some really good plots for my new novel. 403 00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:31,147 Fine. 404 00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:33,149 What's your new novel about, Scottie? 405 00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:36,413 The President. On a submarine. 406 00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:39,286 How does any of this make you think of any of that? 407 00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:40,591 I don't know. 408 00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:42,202 But you can picture it, right? 409 00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:44,682 "That's not just an order, radar guy. 410 00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:46,554 It's an executive order." 411 00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,991 It's getting a little backed up in here! 412 00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:51,080 When can I start rouging these guys? 413 00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:53,213 It takes however long it takes, Jeff! 414 00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:54,997 How did you even get on makeup duty? 415 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:57,217 'Cause makeup's my passion! 416 00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:59,045 Wow. 417 00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:02,352 Who hasn't been listening all these years? 418 00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:03,788 [sobbing] 419 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,268 Come on, Frannie. 420 00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:06,898 The health inspector will be here any minute, 421 00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,445 and this is still our first burial. 422 00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:11,144 [sobbing loudly] 423 00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,059 I say we bury her with him. 424 00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:15,104 I'll wait 30 seconds, but then I'm filling it in. 425 00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,540 We aren't gonna make it. 426 00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:17,802 This isn't gonna work. 427 00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:20,327 Thank God! Can we quit now? 428 00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,242 All this work is honestly not worth it 429 00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:23,939 just to prove Dad wrong. 430 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,158 [feedback squealing] 431 00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,553 Change of plans. 432 00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:31,164 Stan! 433 00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:32,556 He's busy. 434 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,862 What can I help you with? 435 00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:35,646 I need your club for the night. 436 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:36,996 Club Sweet Surrender? 437 00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,606 I'll check availability. 438 00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:41,913 I'm not renting it. You're giving it to me. 439 00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:44,307 You've got just as much to lose as we do 440 00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:47,049 if that health inspector sees all the wrong kind 441 00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:49,312 of hardbodies at your little club. 442 00:16:49,356 --> 00:16:53,273 Hmm, if what she says is right, she might be right. 443 00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,449 What do you want the club for, anyway? 444 00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:59,061 We're gonna Weekend at Bernie's this bitch. 445 00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:00,932 [doorbell rings] 446 00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:03,065 Hey! 447 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,111 You must be the health inspector. 448 00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:06,808 The club's in the back. 449 00:17:06,851 --> 00:17:09,941 [dance music playing] 450 00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:16,078 ♪ 451 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:18,341 Jet Skis. Very cool. 452 00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:19,212 I don't agree. 453 00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:21,475 Okay. 454 00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:28,134 ♪ 455 00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,484 [water splashes] 456 00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:31,659 [gasps] 457 00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:41,930 ♪ 458 00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:43,453 What are those back there? 459 00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:44,585 Kickboards. 460 00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,456 - Really? - Of course. 461 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:50,112 In fact, I was just thinking about getting some laps in. 462 00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:53,115 [grunts] 463 00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,116 Aah! 464 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,335 [water splashes] 465 00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:58,338 See? 466 00:17:58,381 --> 00:17:59,948 Hmm. 467 00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:02,342 Kickboards at a club... 468 00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:03,560 are healthy. 469 00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:05,040 [deep voice] Great shot! 470 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,607 [high-pitched voice] Nice return! 471 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,696 [deep voice] How did you get to that one? 472 00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:12,874 What'll you have? I'll take a cranberry juice. 473 00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:15,790 So, any skeletons in the closet I should know about? 474 00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:17,487 [laughs] 475 00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:21,012 Oh. Hello. 476 00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:23,058 [gasps] 477 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,408 Janeane! Who the hell is this? 478 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:27,454 You know I hate it when you flirt with other men. 479 00:18:27,497 --> 00:18:29,369 Now, shut up forever and kiss me. 480 00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:30,370 [exhales] 481 00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:31,719 [inhales deeply] 482 00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,332 [gulping] 483 00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:37,681 - Whoo-hoo! - [glass shatters] 484 00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,640 Your club is sick, 485 00:18:39,683 --> 00:18:42,425 and I mean that in the way I think my son means it. 486 00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:44,123 A-plus inspection. 487 00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,342 That's great news. Thank you for coming. 488 00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:47,952 Ooh, and I'd love to get the number 489 00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:49,539 of that little lady I met in the cabana. 490 00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,521 I didn't catch her name, 491 00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:55,569 but we didn't exactly do much talking if yaknowwhaddamean. 492 00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:58,659 Yes! We pulled it off! 493 00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,182 I don't understand. 494 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,315 I succeeded, but I don't have my confidence back. 495 00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,491 Well, Stan, it was more of my success. 496 00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:09,278 Stan, why did you try to torpedo our cemetery? 497 00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:12,412 Torpedo is a underwater gun. 498 00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:15,328 You said we could decide things for ourselves, 499 00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:17,678 but when we did, you hated that we were succeeding. 500 00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,288 Of course I did! 501 00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:21,290 You were all doing so well without me, and... 502 00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:23,292 I got scared. 503 00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:25,686 I started thinking maybe you don't need Ol' Stanny-Two-Puns 504 00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:28,384 and his dumb decisions to kick around anymore. 505 00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:30,995 But I swear, I wasn't trying to sabotage you. 506 00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:32,606 Aww, Stan. 507 00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:35,435 You're more than just your decisions to us. 508 00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:38,394 You're also the guy we get to blame when they go wrong. 509 00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:40,048 We need that. 510 00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:42,398 Yeah, honestly, that was a way easier system. 511 00:19:42,442 --> 00:19:46,010 Dad, we were sorta hoping maybe you'd take the reins again. 512 00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:48,491 But it seemed like things were going so well for you. 513 00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,077 You don't want to keep doing your cemetery? 514 00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:51,494 - We hated it! - So many guts! 515 00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:53,453 I think it's affecting our groundwater. 516 00:19:53,496 --> 00:19:56,151 Well, I don't want to run a club, especially with Klaus. 517 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,459 Because you don't want business to ruin our friendship? 518 00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:00,503 Was that an option? 519 00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:02,940 Baby, we want you back. 520 00:20:02,984 --> 00:20:06,205 But of course, it's your decision. 521 00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:07,858 I'll do it. 522 00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:11,862 Now, what are you gonna do with all these bodies? 523 00:20:11,906 --> 00:20:13,299 Yeah, Dad, what the hell? 524 00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:14,256 Don't worry. 525 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:15,300 I got this. 526 00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:19,305 You sure you're okay with this, Scottie Pippen? 527 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:22,133 You bet. The sea will take care of me. 528 00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:25,311 That's why they always call me The Admiral. 529 00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:27,704 - Wasn't that David Robinson? - Who knows? 530 00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:31,186 I will return when I have written my next masterpiece. 531 00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:37,845 See? Not all my ideas are bad. 532 00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:39,368 I got rid of the bodies, 533 00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:41,588 and we can be buried in our own backyard. 534 00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:43,242 Two birds, one stone. 535 00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:45,505 More like one tombstone! 536 00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:47,637 [laughter] 537 00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:50,161 Another all-timer, Roger! 538 00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:51,728 Where do you come up with these? 539 00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:54,122 My spectacular imagination! 540 00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:56,298 What the ffff... 541 00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,300 Have a great night!