1 00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:08,225 Mom. 2 00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:09,879 Mom. Psst! 3 00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:12,186 What is it, sweet pea? 4 00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:15,754 I know it's before 6:00 and I'm a'sposed to stay asleep, 5 00:00:15,798 --> 00:00:17,930 but could I play with a couple toys in my room 6 00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:19,976 if I promise to be extra quiet? 7 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:26,243 Steve, we haven't had that rule since you were 3 years old. 8 00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:28,985 Yes, but I still follow it independently. 9 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,553 Maybe just my Woodland Creatures Nesting set? 10 00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:32,728 Sure, baby. 11 00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:34,817 It has a mouse named Seymour. 12 00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,210 Nuh, guh-way. 13 00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:38,386 And there's a rabbit and an owl. 14 00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:40,059 - And there's a bear. - Please, still dreaming. 15 00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:41,669 - Can I play with him? - Sex with hot lady. 16 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:43,497 He sounds loud and mean, but I promise he's not. 17 00:00:43,521 --> 00:00:44,740 Beach. Now she's an owl. 18 00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:46,394 - Oh, good. - Why is she an owl? 19 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:47,719 He's actually -un-bear-ably cute. -Come back, hot lady. 20 00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:49,136 Okay, that's that. I'm awake! 21 00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:50,876 Steve, we're trying to sleep. 22 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,923 I know, Dad, that's why I was using my soft voice. 23 00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,403 I hate your soft voice. 24 00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:57,579 It reminds me everything about you is soft. 25 00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,624 Stan, he's just a boy. 26 00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:01,148 He can't be as hard as you. 27 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:03,324 Well, now I'm soft because he put an owl 28 00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:07,763 into my dream about hot, filthy, porno-style ssss... 29 00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:09,069 sandwiches! 30 00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,374 Heard dad singing. 31 00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,115 - That's my cue. - What are you doing? 32 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:14,422 Oh, I always sleep in here when you leave. 33 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:16,772 I feel like if I switch beds once a day, 34 00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:18,948 I've really accomplished something. 35 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,690 It's a little productivity tip I got from Garfield. 36 00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,779 Francine, are we sure these kids are mine? 37 00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:25,650 100%. 38 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:26,999 With Steve. 39 00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:30,960 And Hayley, y-y-yes. 40 00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,748 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 41 00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:40,578 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 42 00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:43,712 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 43 00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:48,108 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 44 00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:53,374 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 45 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,854 ♪ Good... ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 46 00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:56,942 Aah! 47 00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:01,382 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 48 00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:05,429 The standoff between police 49 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:07,475 and the backwoods militia ended last night 50 00:02:07,518 --> 00:02:09,216 in tragic, murderous fashion, 51 00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:11,174 soaking our streets in blood, 52 00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,829 and many now wonder who will clean those streets 53 00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:16,875 before Langley's 6th Annual Bed Race! 54 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,835 Bed Race? Sounds like something my kids would be into. 55 00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,793 Teams are already working around the clock 56 00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:23,752 to prepare for this grueling event, 57 00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:26,581 because those beds aren't for sleeping and dreaming. 58 00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,409 They're for racing and winning. 59 00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:29,801 Racing and winning? 60 00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,586 That sounds like something you'd be into. 61 00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:33,588 It does, and if I'm into it, 62 00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:36,112 what's to stop me from forcing my kids to do it? 63 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,158 Child Services? Ha! 64 00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:41,291 If they didn't take 'em away after the "alligator incident," 65 00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,728 I think it's pretty clear they ain't never comin' 66 00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:47,558 for big daddy Stan's bouncin' bambinos. 67 00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:48,994 Push through the burn! 68 00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:51,214 Screw you! I hate your skank face. 69 00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:52,563 I love you, let's work! 70 00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:56,306 - Rogu can't. - Stay with it. 71 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:59,222 We can't let anything stop us from getting in shape. 72 00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:01,181 Ooh, phone! 73 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:04,009 Aw, noyce, it's a Memphis Stormfront VIP 74 00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:05,707 Advanced Weather Alert-gasm! 75 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,143 Whoa, there's gonna be an early 76 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,754 isolated snowstorm coming to Vermont. 77 00:03:09,798 --> 00:03:11,147 I got to tell... Me! 78 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,583 Did you get the Alert-gasm? 79 00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:13,932 Yeah, dude. 80 00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:15,543 Someone's playin' with God's balls, 81 00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:18,633 'cause he's spraying white gold all over Vermont. 82 00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:22,114 Which means we get to do the one thing we bond over. 83 00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:23,681 Skiing! 84 00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:29,600 Buon dia, my fresh, chunky plow gobblers! 85 00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:32,777 You three hang out? 86 00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:35,258 Hell yeah! We do when it comes to... 87 00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,304 Skiing! 88 00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:39,523 Whoa, how did you get up here? 89 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,699 I was excited. I jumped. 90 00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:46,226 I've entered us in Langley Falls' 91 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:47,836 Bed Racing Extravaganza 92 00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:50,708 to toughen you guys up, teach you about hard work. 93 00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:51,840 Any questions? 94 00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:53,755 Um, is this my mattress? 95 00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:56,540 No, but it was almost Klaus'. 96 00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,368 I was planning to turn him back into a human, 97 00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,587 but that'll have to wait. 98 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,371 Oh, good, 'cause I just bought him 99 00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:03,286 a 50-pound bag of fish flakes, 100 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,070 and it's the kind he doesn't like. 101 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:07,072 Okay, so let's talk design. 102 00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:10,337 I've secured some ultra-light carbon fiber for the axle. 103 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,034 And what if we decorated it 104 00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:14,079 with a princess bed canopy 105 00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:15,603 and a chiffon furbelow? 106 00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:17,561 - Ooh, that's nice. - Ooh. 107 00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:18,693 Go back, go back. 108 00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:20,042 Stop it! 109 00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:21,365 We need to start thinking of this 110 00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,132 as a racecar, not as a bed! 111 00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,481 Maybe someone should tell her. 112 00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:27,658 I can't be here right now. 113 00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,051 I'm going to work. 114 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,420 Maybe clear my mind in the torture... 115 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:32,968 I mean, interrogation room. 116 00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:34,970 Has anyone seen my iPad? 117 00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:37,712 Is that it lying shattered on the ground? 118 00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:40,541 And is that a 50-pound bag of Beefaroni fish food 119 00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,673 that you know I don't like? 120 00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:44,109 You guys don't respect me! 121 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,981 I should charge you like a bull! 122 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,809 - Do it. - Yeah, charge us. 123 00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,680 Haaaa! 124 00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:52,814 Oh, damn. 125 00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,341 What is all this? 126 00:04:58,385 --> 00:04:59,951 We're doing CRISPR. 127 00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,344 The children's cereal? 128 00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:02,476 That's Crispix. 129 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:03,825 And it's not just for children. 130 00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:05,783 Successful scientists like it, too. 131 00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:09,744 CRISPR is Clustered Regularly Interspaced Short 132 00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,136 Palindromic Repeats. 133 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,182 That's nerd talk for improvising 134 00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:17,317 a sax solo over a 2-5-1 change on your double helix. 135 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,581 And that was jazz talk for we're editing DNA. 136 00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:21,973 Can I show him the video?! 137 00:05:22,017 --> 00:05:24,976 Of course you can, little buddy. 138 00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:32,114 I'm Dr. Dubs, and this is my ride. 139 00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:36,074 Many diseases, like those carried by mosquitoes, 140 00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,467 could be eradicated by changing 141 00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:41,776 a single letter of incorrect DNA. 142 00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,865 Think of genetic code as a text document 143 00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:45,954 that describes a living thing. 144 00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:49,653 CRISPR can target the part of the DNA causing a problem... 145 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,658 ...then take a mug shot of the defective gene... 146 00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:57,400 And delivers it to a surgical protein. 147 00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:59,489 What the hell?! This is my video! 148 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,012 Not anymore. 149 00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:04,842 I'm friends with the editor, and he hates you. 150 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:09,499 It's like putting an APB out on a defective gene. 151 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:10,935 And voilà! 152 00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:13,024 You've changed a living organism 153 00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:17,725 and created a malaria-free mosquito. 154 00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,423 Is this real? Does it work on people? 155 00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,207 Sure does. Wait. 156 00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,340 - Jackson? - In the flesh. 157 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,081 I always wanted to be a wooly mammoth, 158 00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:27,778 and CRISPR made it happen. 159 00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,738 And these two swear this is exactly how big they were. 160 00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:33,349 So it works on people, you say? 161 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,873 And my children are people, you say? 162 00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:38,485 And I can borrow this for the weekend, you say? 163 00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,878 He's going to take it, that's pretty clear. 164 00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:42,924 Let's just stand here 165 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:46,710 and enjoy the smell of giant corn and each other. 166 00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,457 You know what my favorite kind of skis are? 167 00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:55,850 Brew-skis! 168 00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:57,460 Open wide, Lewis. 169 00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:01,508 Wait, no! I'm six months sober! 170 00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,771 You're a good friend. 171 00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:06,600 Hey, Roger, you put those snow chains on the tires 172 00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,515 when we pulled over back there, right? 173 00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:10,081 On the tires? 174 00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,083 But if I had done that, then I couldn't do... 175 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,303 this! I'm a ghooost! 176 00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,000 Ooh! 177 00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,266 Jeff, get back in your lane! 178 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,181 Aah! 179 00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:32,887 We could've died. 180 00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:35,106 Yeah. And then we'd all be... 181 00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:37,631 ghooosts! 182 00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:41,852 Ebenezer Scroooooge! 183 00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:53,429 Your DNA is ready for injection. 184 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,039 You may now play God. 185 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:57,259 Someone has to. 186 00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:06,790 Excuse me. Mind if I move in? 187 00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,104 Owww. 188 00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:18,628 Pleased to meet you, one-fanged Dracula. 189 00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,631 My name's Unicorntail Softbottom. 190 00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,900 Steve, honey, what are you doing? 191 00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:32,816 You may come to regret asking me that, Francine. Huh? 192 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:36,298 I started cleaning out my closet and spotted a few choice mags. 193 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,256 Decided to drop trou and fire off 194 00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:41,216 a few mortar rounds of Dreamy Stevie's Thick and Creamy... 195 00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:42,347 Steven Anita! 196 00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,784 What is wrong with you?! 197 00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:47,788 Wrong? I feel better than ever. 198 00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:52,314 Uh, I forgot to go to the zoo today. 199 00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:55,665 Avoid Lisa's Dry-Cleaner's at all costs. 200 00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:58,146 While I've never had anything dry-cleaned here, 201 00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,975 the owner's attitude toward potential customers 202 00:09:01,018 --> 00:09:03,455 needing to take a dump in the employee bathroom 203 00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:06,981 shows me they more than deserve a one-star rating. 204 00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:09,331 Oh, Francine, I need you to get the paperwork going 205 00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,854 on a divorce with Jeff. 206 00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:13,074 Time for me to do some big game hunting, 207 00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:14,554 if you catch my drift. 208 00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:16,425 What the... 209 00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:22,474 Eh, nothin' to watch on the tube. 210 00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:25,347 We could always make whoopie, Al. 211 00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:28,045 Peggy, I'd rather bang a bowl of beans. 212 00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:32,876 Stan, have you noticed that the kids are acting... 213 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,225 strange? 214 00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:35,551 Probably 'cause I altered their DNA 215 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,619 so they're more like me. 216 00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,360 What? Why?! 217 00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:40,841 Look, I've tried to teach them to hack it in this world, 218 00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,364 but I'm not getting through to 'em. 219 00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:44,168 It's time I stopped blaming myself and start... 220 00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:46,281 I don't remember you blaming yourself. 221 00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:48,326 Exactly, 'cause that would've been a mistake 222 00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:49,850 and I don't make mistakes. 223 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,329 It's not in my DNA, 224 00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:53,027 and now it's not in theirs, either. 225 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:56,334 And to be honest, this town could use a few more Stans. 226 00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:59,729 This town could use more Buffalo Wild Wings locations, 227 00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,557 not this. 228 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,646 Francine, have you ever looked at someone 229 00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,170 and just known they needed to get CRISPR'd? 230 00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:09,043 Does CRISPR have anything to do 231 00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:10,740 with that syringe you're holding? 232 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,655 No, this is liquid kisses. 233 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:16,398 Liquid kisses?! For me? 234 00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:18,748 Screw you, Al Bundy! 235 00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:23,666 Me too, guys. 236 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:24,928 Quiet, fish! 237 00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:27,452 Whoa, we're really on the same page. 238 00:10:27,496 --> 00:10:30,238 Burt Bacharach seems like he should be dead by now. 239 00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:32,806 Whoa! 240 00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:34,111 Who... 241 00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:37,027 Great parking spot, right, guys? 242 00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:38,942 Hell yeah, and check this out, pops. 243 00:10:38,986 --> 00:10:40,596 ♪ A-ding-a-ding-a-ding 244 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,424 ♪ Bring back those good old days ♪ 245 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,121 ♪ Those, those days 246 00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:47,385 ♪ We mean those days when the boys sang the melody ♪ 247 00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:53,435 Could I have engineered a more perfect family? 248 00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:54,479 My chin dropped. 249 00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:55,829 Oh, mama. 250 00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:58,701 Get over here. 251 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:01,443 Whoo, that is hot, -that is hot! -Yeah, yeah, yeah, get her, Dad! 252 00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:05,186 Yes, uh, can you guys keep it down and maybe leave? 253 00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:06,753 We don't open until 5:00. 254 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:09,799 Then how did we get this pitcher of beer, Sally Mae? 255 00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:14,238 I think it was the steak knife you held to Daniel's throat. 256 00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,371 Did Daniel open his little bitch mouth? 257 00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:19,113 I got this. 258 00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:20,723 Whoa, come back here, hon. 259 00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,987 I like the initiative, but let's all tone it down a notch. 260 00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:25,815 Tone down my dick, Daddy. 261 00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:28,775 Wow, walked right into that one. 262 00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,302 We're... alive. 263 00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:35,303 Oh, look. 264 00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,305 The ski resort. 265 00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:41,744 Oh, baby, Lewis needs soup in a bread bowl! 266 00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:45,879 Shh! You'll cause an avalanche. 267 00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,358 What are we gonna do? 268 00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:48,664 I brought some cherry syrup, 269 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,710 so I'm sellin' snow cones. 270 00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:56,628 Ooh, I'll take one of those. 271 00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:57,673 Sure. 272 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,588 $1,000. 273 00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:01,590 You rat. 274 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,600 When did you guys do all this? 275 00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:12,993 We've been working all night. 276 00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,559 The race is this afternoon. 277 00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:17,998 You guys have become real self-starters, just like me. 278 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:19,129 Like you? 279 00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:21,610 You slept until what? 6:15? 280 00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,525 You lazy sack of eggs. 281 00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:24,874 Ouch. 282 00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,199 I've never been on the business end 283 00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:27,964 of the sack of eggs treatment. 284 00:12:28,008 --> 00:12:31,576 Steve, were you gonna secure the valves on the flamethrower 285 00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:34,014 or did you want it to leak out and kill us all? 286 00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:37,147 Maybe I'll get on that after I secure my fist in your mouth. 287 00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:39,802 Whoa! Son, that's no way to talk to your mother. 288 00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,804 It's just a little trash talk, Dad. 289 00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,763 You better grow a pair before the race. 290 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,590 Cup check! 291 00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:47,201 It's 6:20 in the morning. 292 00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:48,506 Cup check! 293 00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:50,770 We already knew I didn't have one. 294 00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,599 I don't get it. 295 00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:56,819 My family has my DNA. 296 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,516 They should be acting like me, 297 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:02,085 but they're louder, cruder, and more judgmental. 298 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,802 Hey, your cup selection's pretty picked over. 299 00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,175 You got anything in the back? 300 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,917 Oh, yeah, we keep all our inventory in the back 301 00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,440 so customers can't see it, 302 00:13:09,484 --> 00:13:12,313 and I get to field jack-off questions like yours! 303 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:14,576 - When did you get that chin? - Oh, this morning. 304 00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,119 Kid came in here, stuck a needle in my neck, 305 00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,188 and got everyone in his path on the way out. 306 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,060 Derek, are you helping this customer? 307 00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:23,715 Oh, no! They've been CRISPRing people. 308 00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:27,850 What did you say to me? 309 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:30,853 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 310 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,072 Could be a coincidence. 311 00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:35,336 ♪ Good morning, USA! 312 00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:37,294 They've CRISPR'd the whole town! 313 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:39,209 I only hope I have time to warn Chimdale. 314 00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:47,000 You guys CRISPR'd the whole town! 315 00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,828 Now we got a bunch of me's running around. 316 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,177 You're welcome. 317 00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:51,831 No, something's gone wrong. 318 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,442 Everybody out there with my DNA is acting horribly. 319 00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:55,617 That's not who I am. 320 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:59,534 Oh, then who are you, buttercup? 321 00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:01,666 Yeah, who are you, buttercup? 322 00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:03,886 Yeah. 323 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,018 Knock, knock. 324 00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:06,106 Who are you? 325 00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:09,587 What are you all even laughing at? 326 00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:10,850 Screw this! 327 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,982 I need to be on an ATV right now. 328 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:15,463 We're going to the CIA to reverse this. 329 00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:18,335 - But we're happy. - And we have a Bed Race to win. 330 00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:20,207 Well, I'm thinking about putting the Bed Race 331 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,599 on the back burner for the moment. 332 00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:23,471 That's loser talk, Dad, 333 00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:25,386 and you know what we do to losers. 334 00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:27,779 Take them to lunch and consider their ideas? 335 00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:30,173 Close. Hold him down and fart on him. 336 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,088 Yeah, that sounds closer to what I'd do. 337 00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:37,702 Oh, Stan, you're awake. 338 00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:39,617 The family went crazy. 339 00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,924 They were farting on you relentlessly. 340 00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,534 Klaus, untie me. 341 00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:45,928 Sorry, Stan, they'll kill me if I do. 342 00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,321 I'll kill you if you don't. 343 00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,540 Ooh, but the ropes, though. 344 00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:51,020 But don't worry. 345 00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:53,849 I'll give you "Plato's Republic" to keep you company, 346 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,764 read by Gilbert Gottfried. 347 00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:58,332 A man does not give what is owed 348 00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,638 in giving back gold 349 00:15:00,682 --> 00:15:05,339 to someone who has deposited it! 350 00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:10,126 A-Ah-choo! 351 00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:15,392 God bless you, you stupid idiot. 352 00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:17,394 We're gonna freeze to death here. 353 00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222 I know we're afraid of starting an avalanche, 354 00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:20,920 but we have to try something. 355 00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:22,138 I have an idea. 356 00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:24,314 If we can get out super quietly 357 00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:26,926 and attach our skis to the wheels of the car, 358 00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,841 I think we could ski this whole car down to the resort. 359 00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:32,279 T-That might work. 360 00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:33,976 We came here to ski. 361 00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:35,586 Let's ski. 362 00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:47,250 Great work. 363 00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:48,556 What do you say, boys? 364 00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:51,298 Should we head down to the lodge? 365 00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:53,430 Okay, here we go. 366 00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:55,084 Picking up speed. 367 00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,956 Got to dodge that tree. 368 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,610 Yeah! Alright! 369 00:15:59,654 --> 00:16:02,265 100 yards. Better slow down. 370 00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,093 Perfect stop. 371 00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:06,791 What? I thought we were in the car. 372 00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:09,098 Damn it. What do we do now? 373 00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:10,273 Plan B. 374 00:16:10,317 --> 00:16:11,535 Avalanche! 375 00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:12,797 Roger, no! 376 00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:22,242 Cold in here. 377 00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:27,029 Stan, I found a half deck of cards. 378 00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,378 We can't play any games, 379 00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:30,250 but there are lots of face cards. 380 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,295 We could use them to put on a play. 381 00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:33,470 Stan? 382 00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:36,256 He's gone! 383 00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:38,736 And he used my pocket knife to cut the ropes. 384 00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:43,654 I knew he wasn't borrowing it for "oh, no reason." 385 00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:49,834 They did what?! 386 00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:51,445 They turned the whole town. 387 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,838 Is that why my Uber driver punched me in the dick? 388 00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:55,405 - When was this? - Like a month ago. 389 00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,059 Yeah, I think that's a separate issue. 390 00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:59,061 But my family didn't turn just like me. 391 00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:01,194 They turned into terrible versions of me. 392 00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:02,543 That's because your personality 393 00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,849 isn't determined purely by genetics. 394 00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:07,113 There's nature and nurture. 395 00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:08,940 I mean, you'd probably be terrible, too, 396 00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:11,769 if you didn't have your kids and your wife to balance you out. 397 00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,381 You mean my soft son and my lazy daughter 398 00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:15,860 make me a better person? 399 00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:19,821 No, your considerate son and your hot daughter. 400 00:17:19,864 --> 00:17:21,301 What can we do? 401 00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:23,303 Well, I think you should let them be themselves. 402 00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:24,869 No, about this disaster! 403 00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:26,697 I guess theoretically if we found someone 404 00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:29,048 with the exact opposite DNA as you, 405 00:17:29,091 --> 00:17:31,137 we could neutralize your cells. 406 00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:33,835 Can you think of anyone that's your exact opposite? 407 00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:37,882 Stan! You're right in time. 408 00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:39,275 I made a bundt cake. 409 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:42,626 It's a beautiful day for 410 00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:45,107 the 6th Annual Langley Falls Bed Race. 411 00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:47,718 I'm here with last year's runner-up, Herman Lundy. 412 00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:49,285 You're looking festive. 413 00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:51,461 I'm gonna bathe in the blood of my enemies 414 00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:54,247 and bring this trophy back to the rest of my co-workers 415 00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:59,556 on the janitorial staff at Samuel Gompers Middle School! 416 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,429 As you can see, the vibe is a little different this year. 417 00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:31,458 To the inside of the turn! 418 00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:32,850 Go, go, go! 419 00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:42,686 This is awesome! 420 00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:44,558 I'm so glad we made it! 421 00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:46,037 Life is sweet! 422 00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:47,430 Last jump of the day. 423 00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:49,258 Get your sickest trick ready. 424 00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:52,914 Ski trip! 425 00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,395 360. 426 00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:58,441 Extreme. 427 00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:02,750 The avalanche must've buried them somewhere around here. 428 00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:04,273 Wait, the dog found something. 429 00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:07,146 Oh, but yeah, it's lunch. 430 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:08,930 Okay, try to remember this spot. 431 00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,584 They're not going anywhere. 432 00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:17,156 On your left! 433 00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,567 We're gonna win! 434 00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:40,570 And then we're gonna burn this town to the ground! 435 00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:45,401 What's with all the mosquitoes? 436 00:19:46,837 --> 00:19:48,143 It's working. 437 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,710 The mosquitoes are biting everybody. 438 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,365 What the hell's going on? 439 00:19:58,893 --> 00:19:59,937 Hi, Stan! 440 00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,591 Comin' in for a hug. 441 00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:02,679 Get away from me! 442 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:04,333 Oh, man. 443 00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,119 Can I sit here? No! 444 00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:10,296 - Oh, hello, Stan. - What are you doing here? 445 00:20:10,339 --> 00:20:12,689 - I made a bundt cake! - Leave me alone! 446 00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:15,649 - May I have this dance? - Stop it! 447 00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:23,265 Slow down! This isn't safe! 448 00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,919 Steve's a wimp again! 449 00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:26,225 The hell? 450 00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:31,795 Huh? 451 00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:33,362 There's my family! 452 00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,843 Each bringing your specific kind of magic 453 00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:38,106 to this weird and wonderful world. 454 00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:40,456 I'm sorry I changed you to be like me. 455 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,980 I'm not perfect, but with your help, 456 00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:44,678 I am better than you, 457 00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:46,941 and that's something we can all be proud of. 458 00:20:46,984 --> 00:20:48,812 Hey, man, can you keep it down? 459 00:20:48,856 --> 00:20:50,771 I'm trying to nap. 460 00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:52,163 Oh, of course. 461 00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:53,904 You're my little napper. 462 00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:56,255 I hope you never wake up. 463 00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:58,213 Bye-bye! See you soon!