1 00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:05,483 Man, I love weekdays. 2 00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:07,485 I know, right? 3 00:00:07,529 --> 00:00:09,357 The weekends are all "go, go, go." 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,577 I need five full days to just chill. 5 00:00:13,709 --> 00:00:15,667 Hello? 6 00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,452 Francine, I'm having a character emergency. 7 00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:19,410 There's a small, brown bag in the fridge. 8 00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:22,457 I need you to bring it to 1466 Hemlock Street right now. 9 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:26,243 Ooh, Roger wants me to deliver a creepy package 10 00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:27,940 to one of his characters. 11 00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:29,942 I can't wait to see what he's up to. 12 00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:32,815 I bet it's, like, a bunch of human anuses 13 00:00:32,858 --> 00:00:35,035 he's gonna dump into the fountain at the mall. 14 00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:36,384 Ooh, ya think? 15 00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:38,908 I swim in that fountain sometimes. 16 00:00:38,951 --> 00:00:41,432 There it is. Gimme, gimme! 17 00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:44,087 Just carrots? 18 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:47,308 Unless that's something fun 19 00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:50,093 like toddler fingers covered in Cheeto dust? 20 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,703 Yeah, right. 21 00:00:51,747 --> 00:00:53,662 Naomi Carcaterra doesn't have the metabolism 22 00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:55,403 the other gals in the office do. 23 00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:57,753 We're doing ice-cream cake for Jill's birthday, 24 00:00:57,796 --> 00:00:59,296 and I want to fill up on something healthy 25 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:00,973 so I'm not tempted. 26 00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:04,151 You had me come all the way out here for this? 27 00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:05,717 This is so unlike you. 28 00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:08,111 This is so... boring. 29 00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,505 Boring? No, no, no. 30 00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:12,507 Naomi can curl her tongue. 31 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:15,031 Look. Doesn't it look like a taco? 32 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,598 I think it looks like a taco. 33 00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:22,908 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 34 00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:26,390 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 35 00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:29,480 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 36 00:01:29,524 --> 00:01:33,484 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 37 00:01:35,921 --> 00:01:39,055 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 38 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,318 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 39 00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:42,580 Aah! 40 00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:49,805 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 41 00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:51,546 Good news, everybody. 42 00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,176 The doctors figured out why you're seeing birds 43 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,592 when there aren't any birds around? 44 00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,420 Better. 45 00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:58,683 They mailed us the tickets for our cruise. 46 00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,468 Hot damn. We're really doing it. 47 00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:03,732 - All right! - Unh, big boat time! 48 00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:05,951 It says they recently converted their infirmary 49 00:02:05,995 --> 00:02:07,605 to a Teen Hang Zone. 50 00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,041 Oh, hell yeah! 51 00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:11,479 I dominate in international waters. 52 00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:13,283 I got the skimpiest little teal bathing suit... 53 00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:15,222 Little teal bathing suit. Yes. 54 00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:16,875 How does Hayley do the high seas? 55 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,182 No food, no water. 56 00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,750 Piña coladas only. 57 00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:23,708 You know what I'm looking forward to? 58 00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:25,971 Swimming in a pool with 30 people 59 00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:27,756 who have active diarrhea. 60 00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:29,932 F'ing "A," we're doing a cruise. 61 00:02:29,975 --> 00:02:32,804 - Whoo! - Yeah-ha-ha! 62 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,937 What's for dinner? I'll just take a nibble. 63 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,982 Ate an entire ice-cream cake today. 64 00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:39,202 Well, look who it is. 65 00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,161 Would you believe this bum had me drive 66 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,598 all the way out to Chimdale Acres 67 00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:46,470 just to bring carrots to some boring-ass character? 68 00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:48,559 Wow, Chimdale Acres? 69 00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:50,735 No one ever goes out there, unless, of course, 70 00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:52,800 you're looking for the best trade-in price for your Toyota, 71 00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:55,218 Nissan, or anything from the Chrysler family. 72 00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:58,178 Well, sadly, I wasn't out there to get an unbeatable deal 73 00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,658 from Carruthers Auto Mall, Steve. 74 00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:04,793 Instead, I was experiencing one of Roger's lamest personas yet. 75 00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,490 What? Naomi's great. 76 00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:09,014 She's thinking about joining Costco. 77 00:03:09,058 --> 00:03:10,407 Naomi? 78 00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:11,669 In Costco? 79 00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:13,671 I mean, come on. 80 00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,369 What happened, Roger? 81 00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:17,980 The beauty of my characters is their diversity. 82 00:03:18,023 --> 00:03:19,590 They can't all be serial killers. 83 00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:23,551 Your last serial-killer persona never even killed anyone. 84 00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:26,031 He got sidetracked going to estate sales in the desert. 85 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:28,773 People are basically giving away turquoise out there. 86 00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:30,645 Wow, Roger. 87 00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,777 Have you lost your edge? 88 00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,301 How dare you? 89 00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:36,346 I'm the same old Roger I've always been. 90 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,043 I don't know. 91 00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,176 You were just Ricky Spanish for a whole week, 92 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,222 and you spent the entire time on the computer, 93 00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:44,746 quietly rating movies on IMDb. 94 00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,356 You've clearly lost something. 95 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,837 I haven't lost anything, and I'll prove it to you. 96 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,972 Man, he really took the air out of this dinner. 97 00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:55,800 You know what'll steer us back? 98 00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,586 ♪ Little teal ♪ 99 00:03:58,629 --> 00:04:01,241 ♪ Bathing suit, bathing suit, bathing suit ♪ 100 00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,286 - Whoo! Oh, yeah. - Whoo! Whoo-hoo! 101 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,290 - Yeah! I made him. - ♪ Little teal bathing suit ♪ 102 00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:10,424 Told ya I haven't lost it. 103 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,861 I just pulled off the world's greatest heist. 104 00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:16,299 Behold the Mona Lisa. 105 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:19,737 What the? Dr. Slippy's Boner Grease-a? 106 00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:21,826 Aah, my partner set me up! 107 00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:24,089 Or, I'm not an art expert, 108 00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:26,178 but is this the Mona Lisa? 109 00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,312 Aaaah! 110 00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,661 Roger, what is it? 111 00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:33,316 Meet Winston Equity III. 112 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,468 I found a bunch of guys who look kind of like Vin Diesel 113 00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:38,190 and set up a "Boiler Room" -style brokerage firm. 114 00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:41,150 Now we're about to get rich to the tune of... wait. 115 00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,500 IT hasn't set up our computers yet? 116 00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,415 We haven't made or lost any money! 117 00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:47,243 Aaah! 118 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,419 I'm Mike Microscope, 119 00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:51,682 and I figured out how to clone people. 120 00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:52,901 Feast your eyes. 121 00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:54,076 Nice try. 122 00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:56,078 I've already seen the Vin Diesels. 123 00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:58,733 Damn it. Personas are hard. 124 00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:04,869 Hey, whatever happened with your girlfriend from the museum? 125 00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:07,785 The old lady? I still haven't broken up with her. 126 00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:08,917 I know, I know. 127 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,353 I-I just really feel like 128 00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:13,400 natural causes are gonna bail me out. 129 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,837 Welp, time to face the music. 130 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,317 My personas stink, 131 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,623 and I can't pull off wacky shenanigans anymore. 132 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,669 I really have lost my edge. 133 00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:24,889 Oh, I'm sorry I was so right. 134 00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:26,891 Is there anything I can do to help? 135 00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:30,417 Well, I got 9,000 uninspired years before I die, 136 00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:34,682 so just humor me and my dull personas. 137 00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:37,554 Maybe take a little girl... whose only noteworthy quality 138 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:40,818 is her ability to chew raisins very thoroughly... to the park. 139 00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:44,169 Of course. 140 00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:46,650 Well, now that I'm all alone, 141 00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:49,218 I can drink the grease directly out of the pepperoni cups 142 00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:51,525 without a single iota of shame. 143 00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,833 You're disgusting. 144 00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:58,358 Noooooooo! 145 00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:04,929 Mm, I'm really pulverizing these raisins. 146 00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:07,018 It's probably nothing, 147 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:09,499 but I feel like everyone's looking at us. 148 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:11,414 You're crazy. 149 00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:15,113 Oh, my God! It's little Bonnie Ramirez! 150 00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:16,854 That is her, the pageant girl 151 00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:19,204 who went missing three years ago. 152 00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:23,339 Bonnie's alive, and that woman kidnapped her! 153 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,908 Yes, it is me, little Bonnie Ramirez. 154 00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:29,432 Someone please free me from this monster. 155 00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:33,741 Roger, what the hell is going on? 156 00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:36,831 Decided to dust off an old chestnut to teach you a lesson. 157 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:39,964 You're about to be charged with child abduction. 158 00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:45,143 Who's lost their edge now, you perv? 159 00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:48,190 That poor, confident little girl. 160 00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:50,192 Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries 161 00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:56,285 The New Class, an Iowa woman is just gone, 162 00:06:56,328 --> 00:06:58,505 and a little boy who can draw Manny 163 00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:00,898 from Modern Family perfectly, 164 00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:04,162 even though he's never heard of the show. 165 00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:07,383 Could something supernatural be at play? 166 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:11,082 But first, we have an Unsolved Mysteries update. 167 00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:14,521 Three years ago, child-pageant queen 168 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:17,175 Bonnie Ramirez went missing. 169 00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:21,397 With no clues left behind, Bonnie was gone forever. 170 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,705 Until this week, when she was spotted at the park 171 00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:28,535 with a woman going by Francine Smith. 172 00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:30,275 Authorities believe Smith has been 173 00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:34,366 holding little Bonnie captive this entire time. 174 00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,760 Smith is now in police custody 175 00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:39,502 and scheduled for trial this week. 176 00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:42,592 And additionally, to the growing number of viewers 177 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:46,509 posting online that I'm the one kidnapping all these kids, 178 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:48,990 see? Not me. 179 00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:54,212 Your mother's obviously gonna be fine. 180 00:07:54,256 --> 00:07:56,911 This is just some silly feud between her and Roger. 181 00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:59,957 But I do have one concern... the cruise. 182 00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,611 We were supposed to go this week. 183 00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:03,831 And I'd argue we still should. 184 00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:07,095 A trial like this can't be easy on the family of the accused. 185 00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:08,966 I think we deserve a getaway. 186 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:10,794 We'd be back before the verdict. 187 00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:12,535 - I'm in. - Wonderful. 188 00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,668 There is just one more issue. 189 00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:16,887 Your mom purchased the cruise in her name, 190 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:19,455 and Party Artie's Floating Family Shitshow 191 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,978 won't let us onboard without her. 192 00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:25,635 We just need someone who can pass for her. 193 00:08:25,679 --> 00:08:27,202 She looks like Mom. 194 00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:29,421 Maybe more like Mom than Mom. 195 00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:31,293 In my head, when I think of your mom, 196 00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:33,077 I now picture this woman. 197 00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:35,079 It's settled. We're going on the cruise. 198 00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,038 It's what Francine... and by that, 199 00:08:37,081 --> 00:08:39,170 I mean this woman... would have wanted. 200 00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,700 Your court-appointed attorney's here. 201 00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:49,354 Him? Unh-unh. No way. 202 00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:52,401 Sorry. No one else is willing to defend a monster like you. 203 00:08:52,444 --> 00:08:54,621 Aaaah! 204 00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,579 What the hell have you gotten me into? 205 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,581 I'm going on trial! 206 00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:01,323 Wow, sounds like the work of someone 207 00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:03,281 who hasn't lost their edge. 208 00:09:03,325 --> 00:09:04,587 Jesus, Roger. 209 00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,458 I admit it, okay? 210 00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:08,591 You haven't lost your edge or you're not washed up 211 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,245 or whatever this is about. 212 00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:13,378 Just tell everyone I didn't do it so we can end this. 213 00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:15,250 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 214 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:16,991 You're just telling me what I want to hear 215 00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:19,602 because you're desperate, but I'm gonna show you 216 00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:22,605 I've still got it and in undeniable fashion. 217 00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,607 No. 218 00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:27,741 I'm gonna give the performance of my life as little Bonnie, 219 00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,743 bringing you to the brink of conviction, 220 00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:32,746 only to be topped by my public-defender character... 221 00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,748 Ed Dickle, the ultimate showman... 222 00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:36,488 who's gonna rake that little girl 223 00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:38,447 over the coals to get you off. 224 00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:41,145 Let's get to work. 225 00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:43,147 What's this? 226 00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:46,760 An even smaller briefcase? 227 00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:48,936 Another? 228 00:09:48,979 --> 00:09:50,633 A key? 229 00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,722 But to what? 230 00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:54,768 This. 231 00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,944 The ultimate showman! 232 00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:59,511 Oh, here's my phone bill. Hang on. 233 00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:01,446 I should knock this out while I'm thinking about it. 234 00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:02,993 Got a charge on here I don't recognize. 235 00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:05,996 Your call is important to us... 236 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,432 Trust me, you want this resolved 237 00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:09,565 so I can give your case full focus. 238 00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:13,395 Can you even pull this off, 239 00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:15,615 Bonnie and the lawyer in the same room? 240 00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:18,748 You forget I got super-speed, baby. 241 00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,924 Roger! 242 00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:26,036 Sorry, was trying to do something cool there, 243 00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,235 but you get the point. 244 00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:28,715 I'm over here now. I'm fast. 245 00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:31,021 So you were the real Bonnie Ramirez, huh? 246 00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:33,110 Yep. But got bored with the whole pageant thing, 247 00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:35,069 so I just wandered off one day. 248 00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:36,133 Didn't think the family was gonna make 249 00:10:36,157 --> 00:10:37,811 such a big deal about it. 250 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,658 I mean, they only knew her for like five years. 251 00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,118 JAG was on twice that long, 252 00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:43,207 and no one's crying about that going off the air. 253 00:10:43,251 --> 00:10:46,341 Oh, God, such a good show! 254 00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:51,868 Thank you so much for coming with us, Isabella. 255 00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,827 It's the least I could do. 256 00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:56,090 This must be a very hard time for you. 257 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:58,440 Good thing I'm literally in Margaritaville 258 00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,355 with all these piña coladas. 259 00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:02,270 - Mmm. - Hey, Steve. 260 00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:04,378 Am I gonna see your moves in the dance contest tomorrow? 261 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,970 Y-You... You know it. 262 00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:09,016 You know that badass? 263 00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:11,627 She's the only kid I couldn't bully off the foosball table. 264 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,542 I met her at the Teen Hang Zone, 265 00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,631 but it's not gonna matter after tomorrow. 266 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,720 She's expecting me to perform in the dance contest, 267 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:18,982 and I'm terrible. 268 00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:21,115 You know, Steve, I used to dance 269 00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,552 competitively back in Johannesburg. 270 00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:25,162 I could show you a few steps. 271 00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,338 Wow, that would be amazing. 272 00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:29,384 Root beer, red wine, 273 00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:31,081 another piña colada for the lady, 274 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:34,128 and an Arnold Palmer for the gentleman. 275 00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:36,826 Stan, what's wrong? 276 00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:39,176 It's just this is an Arnold Palmer, 277 00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:42,484 and I asked for a triple-vodka Coke. 278 00:11:42,527 --> 00:11:44,399 It's fine. It's basically the same thing. 279 00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:46,967 Stick up for yourself, Stan. 280 00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:49,752 You're the only man here wearing a shirt to dinner. 281 00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:53,190 You deserve to be treated right. 282 00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:54,626 Hi. Excuse me. Sorry. 283 00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,193 I hope it's not too much trouble, 284 00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:58,718 but I actually ordered a triple-vodka Coke, 285 00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,110 and, for some reason, 286 00:12:00,154 --> 00:12:01,546 you chose to me in the face 287 00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:04,898 with what looks like a glass of piss and shit. 288 00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:07,465 Now, get me what I ordered before I shoot you to death 289 00:12:07,509 --> 00:12:09,119 in front of this crowd full of drunks. 290 00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:10,294 Please. 291 00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,122 All right, Dad! 292 00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:15,125 Little Bonnie, 293 00:12:15,169 --> 00:12:18,433 please take a look around the room. 294 00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:20,478 Is the person who imprisoned you here today? 295 00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:21,566 Yes. Her. 296 00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,046 Pink dress. 297 00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,395 Oh, it was horrible. 298 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:26,920 She made me call her "Mama God." 299 00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:29,836 She kept me in a cage and only fed me moths. 300 00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:34,579 Actually developed a taste for 'em. 301 00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:41,369 Mm. Did I miss anything while I was gone? 302 00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:43,371 Aunt Becky from Full House up to anything? 303 00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:45,416 I'm just playing. 304 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:47,897 Even I heard about that college-admissions scandal. 305 00:12:47,941 --> 00:12:50,682 Yep, Mama God told me and Nancy all about it. 306 00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:52,206 I'm sorry. Who? 307 00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,034 Oh, Nancy was just one of the many, 308 00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:56,950 many other children mashed into that cage with me. 309 00:12:58,473 --> 00:13:01,389 You're supposed to tell me everything. 310 00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:03,870 So, Mr. Dickle, it's your turn 311 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:06,916 to cross-examine little Bonnie. 312 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,440 Finally, our side of the story. 313 00:13:09,484 --> 00:13:10,833 All good, dude. 314 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:13,096 Are you sure? I'm in pretty deep here. 315 00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,795 Relax. I got an ace in the hole. You're golden. 316 00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:17,666 Very well, Mr. Dickle. 317 00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,886 You may now call your first witness. 318 00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:23,715 Time to see why the call Ed the ultimate showman. 319 00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:27,458 ♪ Living in America ♪ 320 00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:32,812 ♪ Hit me ♪ 321 00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:33,900 Black belt. 322 00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:36,641 ♪ Living in America ♪ 323 00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:38,034 ♪ Yeah ♪ 324 00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:39,296 ♪ I walk in and out ♪ 325 00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:41,733 Ed Dickle has acquired a tape 326 00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:44,867 of the actual abduction three years ago. 327 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:49,045 Mr. Dickle, this is not how trials work, 328 00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:51,874 especially not here at the Chimdale County Courthouse 329 00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:54,137 presented by Carruthers Auto Mall. 330 00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:57,140 All evidence must be submitted in advance. 331 00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:00,970 I couldn't submit it in advance. I staged it last night. 332 00:14:02,929 --> 00:14:04,017 It's okay. 333 00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:05,366 There's got to be another 334 00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:07,890 ace in the hole here somewhere. 335 00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,457 Here. Don't hang up. 336 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,285 I'm still on hold with the phone company. 337 00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:13,417 This is Sarah B. How may I assist you today? 338 00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:15,419 Oh, my God! Have someone else go for a minute. 339 00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,073 Sorry, Sarah, I'm here. 340 00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:18,917 Do you happen to have my bill in front of you? 341 00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:25,168 ♪ Choka, choka, choka, choka ♪ 342 00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:27,562 Is that his mom? 343 00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:30,434 ♪ Choka, choka, choka, choka ♪ 344 00:14:30,478 --> 00:14:33,437 ♪ Ombligo con omligo ♪ 345 00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:35,657 ♪ Choka, choka, choka, choka ♪ 346 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,442 ♪ Dale, que te sigo ♪ 347 00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:43,621 ♪ Choka, choka, cho... Pero muévete conmigo ♪ 348 00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:47,582 Sorry, everybody. 349 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:50,802 It wasn't supposed to be that sexy. 350 00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:53,849 Steve, what you just did on the dance floor with your mom... 351 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,416 Yeah? 352 00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:57,984 ...is exactly why I want to have a son one day! 353 00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:01,335 I always knew you had talent. 354 00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:02,902 It just took a complete stranger 355 00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:06,470 making the smallest effort to unlock it. 356 00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:08,037 - Sister! - Oh, my God! 357 00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:09,778 What do we do? 358 00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:13,129 Listen, everything will be okay if we act fast. 359 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,480 I'm going in after her. 360 00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:18,961 Stan, go tell the captain to stop at once. 361 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:21,311 Steve, offer your coat to the girl. 362 00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:23,357 The girl, accept it, and give Steve a kiss. 363 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,837 Bye-by-y-y-y-e! 364 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,323 Mwah! 365 00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:35,456 Iceberg... 366 00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:38,850 lettuce is the crunchiest lettuce! 367 00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:41,636 Gimme those binoculars. 368 00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:49,774 That was a quick deliberation. 369 00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:51,689 But cuttin' our lunch break short must mean 370 00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:53,561 they can't wait to give us the good news. 371 00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,128 This can't be happening. 372 00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:58,870 The jury finds Francine Smith... 373 00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:01,134 oh, thank God... guilty. 374 00:16:02,526 --> 00:16:05,007 Okay, let's wrap this up. 375 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:08,010 Mr. Dickle, pick a number between one and four. 376 00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,838 - Four! - Perfect. 377 00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:13,755 I hereby sentence Ms. Smith to four life sentences. 378 00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:16,410 I just assumed you'd find a way out of this like you always do. 379 00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:19,891 Yeah, me too. 380 00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,197 But you didn't. 381 00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:25,245 Oh, my God. 382 00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:27,247 It's just hitting me what happened here. 383 00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,640 I really have lost my edge. 384 00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:35,646 I'm nothing but a washed-up fool now. 385 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:37,561 Life comes at you fast. 386 00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:39,302 One minute, you're on top of the world, 387 00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:40,912 and the next you're explaining 388 00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:43,915 what just happened to nobody in the kitchen. 389 00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:47,876 Boy, I tell ya, the Internet is a wonderful place. 390 00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:50,226 Everybody is so supportive. 391 00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,707 Whoa, you look terrible. 392 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,796 Get used to it. This is the new me. 393 00:16:54,839 --> 00:16:56,363 The washed-up me. 394 00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:58,191 The me who doesn't have his edge anymore. 395 00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:00,062 What happened? 396 00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:02,127 Francine went to prison for kidnapping some little girl. 397 00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:03,631 Oh, damn! 398 00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:05,154 You lost that case? 399 00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:08,201 Yep. The old me would've weaseled her out of it, 400 00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:11,987 but she's in prison now 'cause I blew it. 401 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,817 A tragic ending for ol' Rog. 402 00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,601 You guys, the cruise was awesome. 403 00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:19,429 I should've died! 404 00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:22,389 And I got robbed by a 30-year-old Romanian stowaway 405 00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:24,434 pretending to be a teenage girl. 406 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:28,090 But guess who got a kiss first. 407 00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,787 You look like hell. Get cleaned up, 408 00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:30,982 and we'll drive to court together. 409 00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:32,790 Mm, we lost. 410 00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,009 She's in prison forever. 411 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,837 - What?! - Oh, my God! 412 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,231 Roger, I have decided to hurt you. 413 00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:40,624 You must be Uncle Roger. 414 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:42,028 Why don't we go to the living room, 415 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,411 and I can hear your side of the story? 416 00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:47,066 Stan, listen. I have an idea. 417 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:48,850 I got the mail every day you were gone, 418 00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:51,635 so I think I should get extra allowance this week. 419 00:17:51,679 --> 00:17:53,028 That's your idea? 420 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,683 Ple-e-e-ase! 421 00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,554 And now Francine's in prison, 422 00:17:57,598 --> 00:17:59,513 and it's all because I lost my edge. 423 00:17:59,556 --> 00:18:01,689 I'm washed up. I'm done. 424 00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:03,734 Listen to yourself. 425 00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:07,521 Your friend's locked up, and all I hear is, "I, I, I." 426 00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:10,698 Wow. You missed a ton of what I said. 427 00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:13,396 The best way to get back on track is to forget 428 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,964 about the "I's" and focus on others. 429 00:18:16,007 --> 00:18:19,141 You know, that actually makes a lot of sense. 430 00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:22,971 But where do I... sorry, where do me begin? 431 00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:26,453 Well, for starters, have you even visited Francine yet? 432 00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:27,976 No. 433 00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:29,499 We're going to visit her right now. 434 00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:31,501 - I'll gather the others. - Love it. 435 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,764 Would follow you to the end of the Earth. 436 00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:36,115 One quick question... who are you? 437 00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,226 - Mom! - It's so good to see you. 438 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:42,295 My girl. 439 00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:45,167 Who the hell is that? 440 00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:46,386 That's Isabella. 441 00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:48,344 She played you in a TV reenactment. 442 00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:49,756 And in the cruise we took without you. 443 00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:51,434 She's awesome. 444 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:55,003 And, most importantly, she showed me how selfish I've been. 445 00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:58,485 If I wasn't so concerned about proving I still had my edge, 446 00:18:58,528 --> 00:19:00,226 there's a chance you wouldn't be in here. 447 00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:01,531 A chance?! 448 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,359 A very good chance. 449 00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:06,362 Francine, Isabella taught me something special... 450 00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:08,495 how valuable helping others can be. 451 00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,105 So with that said... 452 00:19:14,718 --> 00:19:16,677 H-H-How did I get in this? 453 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,939 What's going on? 454 00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:19,680 Time's up. Come on. 455 00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:22,726 No! I didn't do anything! 456 00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:26,077 I'm not supposed to be here! 457 00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:27,949 Listen to all those "I's." 458 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,994 Focus on how selfless it is 459 00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:32,388 to do four life sentences for someone. 460 00:19:32,432 --> 00:19:33,563 We got to get out of here. 461 00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:39,830 Did you see that? 462 00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:41,528 I just imprisoned an innocent woman 463 00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:44,008 and freed a convicted child abductor. 464 00:19:44,052 --> 00:19:45,967 How's that for edgy? 465 00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,752 Couldn't we have solved this without anybody going to prison? 466 00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:50,972 That woman saved my life. 467 00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:53,148 We could have, but then you wouldn't have gotten to go 468 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,497 on your precious cruise. 469 00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:57,413 Yes, I would... with Mom. 470 00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:58,980 But then who would've saved your life? 471 00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:01,374 Whoa. 472 00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,767 Roger, if I didn't have this seatbelt on, 473 00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,160 I'd punch you right in the face. 474 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,510 No. Thank you, Francine. 475 00:20:07,554 --> 00:20:09,947 You were right. I'd gotten complacent, 476 00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,602 and I needed your little push to get back on track. 477 00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:14,343 And, boy, am I back. 478 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,606 You wanted interesting characters? 479 00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:20,306 Toga Gomez, NASCAR Vampire. 480 00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:25,006 Jenna Diarrhea-Evans, heiress to the diarrhea fortune. 481 00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:28,357 Gord Gullmax, Michael Jackson apologist. 482 00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:31,404 Lieutenant Wingz, enormous mosquito. 483 00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,406 Wow. 484 00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:35,210 I can't believe Mom almost spent the rest of her life in prison 485 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,019 because she said Roger lost his edge. 486 00:20:38,062 --> 00:20:40,543 Geez. Talk about overly sensitive. 487 00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:43,024 Okay, Roger! I'm sorry! 488 00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:46,201 You're not sensitive! 489 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,595 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 490 00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:50,553 You're just telling me what I want to hear 491 00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:51,859 because you're desperate. 492 00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,991 No shit I'm desperate! 493 00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:56,298 - You sweared. - Aah! 494 00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:57,995 Bye! Have a beautiful time!