1 00:00:01,566 --> 00:00:04,047 ♪♪ 2 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:07,181 First day of class. I'm back, baby! 3 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:10,271 Ah! I see no one's discovered my secret parking spot. 4 00:00:10,314 --> 00:00:12,751 [ Tires screech ] 5 00:00:12,795 --> 00:00:15,276 Surf wheels! 6 00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:19,062 Hayley's back!Did you see me see Hayley?! 7 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,847 [ Grunts ] 8 00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:23,719 Sick trick, Hayley. 9 00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,416 Excuse me, dear. 10 00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:27,418 You seem very comfortable here. 11 00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:30,856 Do you know where the science trailer is? 12 00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:31,944 [ Scoffing ] Freshmen. 13 00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:34,034 Come on. Roll with me. 14 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,560 Name's Hayley. I'll show you the ropes. 15 00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:39,343 [ Grunts ] 16 00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:40,649 That's the first one. 17 00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:42,346 There are six more around campus. 18 00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:44,261 There's a lot of impromptu tug-of-war 19 00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:45,697 happening around here. 20 00:00:45,741 --> 00:00:47,003 Also kick the can. 21 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,440 Pretty much any trash you see lying around campus, 22 00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:50,876 we have a game for it. 23 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,444 This is the dining hall and computer lab. 24 00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:55,316 You should hear the fan in that Gateway. 25 00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:57,231 Try opening AltaVista and "Wolfenstein" 26 00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:58,667 at the same time. 27 00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:01,887 Blow your [bleep] eardrums out. 28 00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,324 [ Indistinct shouting ]Here's a gym. 29 00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,152 Team's getting ready for a big game tonight. 30 00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:07,893 [ Shouting continues ][ Whistle blows ] 31 00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:09,243 A foosball game? 32 00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:11,332 You play? You should try out for JV. 33 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:14,335 No spinning, though. That's bitch play. 34 00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:17,512 [ Panting ] Wow.You really know your stuff. 35 00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:18,991 Yeah, well, I love it here. 36 00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:21,690 And I plan to stay for a long, long time. 37 00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,996 Hey, Hayley.I thought I heard your wheels. 38 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,130 One more credit to go,and you are out of here, huh? 39 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,219 [ Wheels screech ]What?! 40 00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,481 Th-That can't be right. 41 00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:32,135 I was going through school records 42 00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:35,007 and I found out you are one stamp away 43 00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:36,139 from graduating. 44 00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:37,140 But I don't want to graduate! 45 00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:38,794 And I don't want to helpmy gross mom get 46 00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:40,361 in and out ofher dumb wheelchair, 47 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:43,320 but she paid for my house, so... 48 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:45,844 You get what I'm saying,right? 49 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:51,023 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 50 00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:54,853 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 51 00:01:54,897 --> 00:01:57,987 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 52 00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:02,644 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 53 00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:07,649 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 54 00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:09,999 ♪ Good -- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 55 00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:11,435 Aah! 56 00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,787 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 57 00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:18,616 ♪♪ 58 00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,227 Roger, I need your help. 59 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,054 Well, you've come to the right place. 60 00:02:22,098 --> 00:02:23,317 I'm Roger. 61 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,536 Did you know Groff is only a two-year school? 62 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,408 I did know it was only two years, 63 00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:30,324 but I thought, legally,they couldn't call it a school. 64 00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,108 They're gonna make me graduate! 65 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,892 And you don't want to leave. No! 66 00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:36,460 I am not ready for the real world -- Look at me. 67 00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:38,593 [ Sighing ] Ah!A Peter Pan situation. 68 00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,334 Well, you came to the right place. 69 00:02:40,377 --> 00:02:41,378 I'm Roger. 70 00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:43,250 Did I already say that? Doesn't matter. 71 00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,991 Anyhoo, give me 24 hours,and I'll have your solution. 72 00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:48,385 Thanks. I knew I could count on you, Roger. 73 00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,431 Looking for Roger? That's me. 74 00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:53,782 I'm Roger. Wait a second. 75 00:02:53,825 --> 00:02:55,871 Oh, I'm cleaning with gin. 76 00:02:55,914 --> 00:02:58,917 That means I've had14 Pine-Sol martinis. 77 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:03,444 And explains why my diarrhea cleaned the toilet. 78 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,141 I'm Roger. 79 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,361 ♪♪ 80 00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:08,579 [ Gasps ] 81 00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:11,495 So, this is the room for rent. 82 00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:14,019 Obviously, it's got great natural light. 83 00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:16,370 And a lot of shared walls. 84 00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:18,023 [ Hollow thudding ]Paper-thin. 85 00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:21,288 That's good,because I play coolmusic. 86 00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:22,811 Dad, what the hell?! 87 00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:25,379 This is that problem tenant I told you about. 88 00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:27,076 Oh, hey,it's my little bookworm. 89 00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:29,383 About to graduate, spread her wings, 90 00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:30,297 and leave the nest. 91 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:32,473 Dad, I'm not going anywhere. 92 00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,257 Actually, you are. 93 00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:37,042 Family rules clearly state, "After college, 94 00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:39,393 each child will forge outon their own 95 00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,482 without financialor emotional support 96 00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,048 from the parents/guardians." 97 00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:44,746 The "emotional" part felta little cold, 98 00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:47,792 but our lawyer at the time saidwe need to protect ourselves. 99 00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:50,708 [ Switch flicks ] 100 00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:54,712 Nice! I could get used to this. 101 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,280 Roger! You're trying to steal my room? 102 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:58,629 Yeah. I need it. 103 00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:00,152 Made the mistakeof renting out the attic 104 00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:02,546 as a practice spacefor Rogu's ska band. 105 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:05,070 They're terrible.How do you screw up ska? 106 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,898 You're supposed to be helping me. Sorry. 107 00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,987 We got a drop-everythingkind of situation. 108 00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:11,120 This room hasn'tbeen on the market in 19 years, 109 00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:13,688 and the landlord doesn't havea friggin' clue what it's worth. 110 00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,777 Plus, I'm buds with the guy in the next unit. 111 00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,953 Steve: Make it happen, Rog! 112 00:04:22,392 --> 00:04:24,655 ♪♪ 113 00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:27,310 Whoa! Look at allthese hot-sauce packets. 114 00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,312 Del Taco Inferno! 115 00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,531 I always want to ask for it, 116 00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:31,793 but then I chicken outat the window. 117 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,751 Take them. My car lease is up, 118 00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,536 and I got to get this thing cleaned out 119 00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:36,711 before I take it in. 120 00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,887 Mm...you've got a dent here. 121 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:41,542 Returning it like thisis leaving money on the table. 122 00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,108 Really? But... 123 00:04:43,152 --> 00:04:45,894 I could pop it out for youright here in the garage. 124 00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:48,244 I used to be a little bitof an oil boy. 125 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,376 A what? 126 00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:50,681 You know, a wrench monkey, 127 00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:53,118 a muffler humper, a tire charmer. 128 00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:54,337 A tailpipe Tony. 129 00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,252 You mean a mechanic?Wuz dat? 130 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,473 Can you really fix the dent?Give me two days. 131 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:02,171 Do you want me to do anythingabout the interior smell? 132 00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:03,346 What smell? 133 00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,479 Okay. 134 00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:08,220 ♪♪ 135 00:05:08,264 --> 00:05:11,789 I scheduled a 2:00.Hey, my number-one senior. 136 00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:14,966 Sit down. 137 00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:17,578 I have got such a good feeling about you, Smith. 138 00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,623 You're gonna make it on the outside. 139 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:23,235 You are destined for the Groff Wall of Fame. 140 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,367 The what? 141 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,151 These are all the Groff alumni 142 00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:27,370 who became famous. 143 00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,503 This guy right here went on to be 144 00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:31,461 the most prolific serial killer 145 00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:32,854 in Virginia history. 146 00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:35,291 These two -- his first victims. 147 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,424 Oh, and this last one is Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, 148 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,382 the creator of TV's "Designing Women." 149 00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:40,949 She didn't go here. 150 00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:44,518 Actually, Cheryl, I'd reallylike to avoid graduating. 151 00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,215 Totally understand. 152 00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,870 Between us, it is hell on the other side. 153 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:51,089 Oh, in fact, I got to clock into my second job 154 00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:53,265 at Yoshinoya Beef Bowl in 12 minutes. 155 00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:55,964 And if I graduate,I'm gonna be homeless. 156 00:05:56,007 --> 00:05:58,749 There is one way to stay here indefinitely, 157 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,664 but nobody's ever pulled it off. 158 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,405 I'll try anything. 159 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,668 Fail your class over and over 160 00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:07,454 and then retake it forever. 161 00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:10,544 A forever class! Of course! 162 00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,459 Thank you.[ Monkey chitters ] 163 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,548 Holy shit!I thought that was a poster! 164 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,114 Oh, my God. Was that my ex? 165 00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:18,769 About yea high, likes to show his entire gums? 166 00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:22,469 Can eat an entire apple in seconds? Ugh! 167 00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:24,035 You know what the sad part is? 168 00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:26,647 I'm probably gonna take him back. 169 00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:31,086 [ Indistinct conversations ] 170 00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:32,261 Hey, guess what. 171 00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:34,655 I'm gonna intentionally fail this class. 172 00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:35,786 Oh, we're friends? 173 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,614 Can you drive me to the vetafter this? 174 00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:40,269 My snake is sick.I think I gave him an old mouse. 175 00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,532 We have to pick him upfrom my stepdad's house. 176 00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:44,795 He lives in the woods. 177 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,623 Excuse me. Could you keep it down? 178 00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,451 Some of us are trying to learn. 179 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,671 Roger?!What are you doing here? 180 00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:51,889 It's Lacey Krinklehoel, 181 00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:54,022 and I'm here to make sure you graduate. 182 00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,458 This is about my room,isn't it? 183 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,329 Sure is. Can you believe it? 184 00:06:57,373 --> 00:07:00,332 The valedictorian and star of her high school's production 185 00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:03,597 of "Pirates of Penzance" is here to help you graduate. 186 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,033 You're lucky I couldn't go to Harvard 187 00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:08,079 because my mom got super-sick --Don't ask. 188 00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,691 Now let's learn everything there is to know about... 189 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:11,692 advanced theory? 190 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:14,042 Well, sorry,but you can't help me... 191 00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:17,872 if I'm in my van,smokin' doobie smacks. 192 00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:20,744 Professor, what if we had class outside today? 193 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:23,138 Maybe in the parking lot, next to Hayley's van? 194 00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:26,271 Huh. Well, I would be closer to my car when class ends. 195 00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:28,273 And who knows -- Maybe Ms. Smith will share 196 00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:31,407 those doobie smacks with her favorite professor of... 197 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,496 advanced theory? 198 00:07:36,412 --> 00:07:38,327 ♪♪ 199 00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:39,850 Lacey Krinklehoel?! 200 00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:41,635 Right?Such a good student. 201 00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,419 She worried about her grades so much, 202 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,507 it gave her rickets. 203 00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,422 Look, I am failing this class, 204 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,772 and there is nothing you or your boring persona can do 205 00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,731 to stop me. Boring? 206 00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,863 Does liking horses sound boring? 207 00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:54,691 Does reading"The Clan of the Cave Bear" 208 00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:56,650 50 times sound boring? 209 00:07:56,693 --> 00:07:59,304 Does collecting sand from every vacation 210 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,871 she goes on sound boring? 211 00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:02,133 Well, that one sounds boring. 212 00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:04,962 But not when you seethe little jars. 213 00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:06,790 Then it takes you right back 214 00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:09,793 to that magical summeryou went to... 215 00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,142 sand. 216 00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:12,317 Huh. 217 00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:13,754 Hey, babe? 218 00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:16,670 Aren't you going to belate for school? 219 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:19,324 New plan -- not going. 220 00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:20,456 Roger: Sure you are. 221 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,675 I didn't want to wake you, 222 00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:23,633 but I didn't want you to miss class. 223 00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:25,548 Roger, get us down from here! 224 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,550 Babe, could you keep it down? 225 00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:30,118 And you're hogging all the blankets. 226 00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:33,121 [ Jeff screams ][ Horn honks, tires screech ] 227 00:08:33,164 --> 00:08:35,340 ♪♪ 228 00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:38,343 My favorite team is the Bazooka Sharks. 229 00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:39,606 We pay in dollars. 230 00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:41,608 In Germany, they use marks. 231 00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,697 Pretty excited about my slam poem. 232 00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:45,612 How's yours?Non-existent. 233 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,918 Don't worry. Lacey's got you. 234 00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,354 What i-- What is it? 235 00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:52,140 Different trees have different barks. 236 00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:55,709 This poem is for Rosa Parks. 237 00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:58,407 Ms. Smith, excellent work. 238 00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:03,368 Damn it! How did you --I was president of the A.V. Club. 239 00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:05,936 I did all the special effects for "Pirates of Penzance" 240 00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:07,590 in addition to starring in it. 241 00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:09,636 The high-school paper declared it... 242 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,203 "this year's musical." 243 00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:17,818 Hey, Lacey, this midterm's worth40% of our grade. 244 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,167 Does this look like an "A"? 245 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,778 It looks like an innocent horse's penis, but... 246 00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:23,867 hanging from a man. 247 00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:25,782 You can't turn that in. 248 00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:30,091 Professor, I was thinking, what if this midterm 249 00:09:30,134 --> 00:09:32,267 didn't count at all toward our grade? 250 00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:34,269 Huh. I like that. 251 00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,401 Shoot.But then what would count? 252 00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:38,839 The final -- a speech that would count 253 00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,710 for 100% of our grade. 254 00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:42,190 100%? 255 00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:44,192 That's whatwe're trying to get to. 256 00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:45,759 And what if we do it in teams, 257 00:09:45,802 --> 00:09:47,978 but only one person has to present, 258 00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:49,850 and my partner is Hayley? 259 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:52,809 Everyone, throw your midterms away, 260 00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,898 'cause the coolest teacherin school 261 00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:58,728 is doing a thing. 262 00:09:58,772 --> 00:10:01,775 ♪♪ 263 00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:03,864 Hey, Klaus, how's the dent looking? 264 00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,430 What happened to my car?! 265 00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:08,651 You have to take it apart to put it back together. 266 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:09,870 It was a dent! 267 00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,132 Puh! The dent. 268 00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:13,003 I wish the dent was our only problem. 269 00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,657 Look at this air filter. 270 00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:15,876 That's a muffler. 271 00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:17,225 Okay, little lady. 272 00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,357 You listened to "Car Talk" a couple times, then -- 273 00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:21,664 Klaus, I've gotto turn this lease in! 274 00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:23,361 Fine! Turn it in now. 275 00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:24,580 I can get you a bag. 276 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,929 What?! No! 277 00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:27,801 I need you to put thisback together. 278 00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:28,889 [ Chuckling ] Oh! 279 00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,804 So, you want me to do my job. 280 00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,066 Oh, I'd love to. 281 00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:34,764 You're back and forth like a windshield wiper. 282 00:10:34,808 --> 00:10:35,809 Hey, Klaus? 283 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,462 Your "Babes of Pennzoil"calendar came. 284 00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:38,594 Oh, good, good. 285 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,902 Hang it in the very wet bathroomwith no lock. 286 00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:44,165 ♪♪ 287 00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,036 For this speech tomorrow,this book says 288 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,256 to start with a joke or anecdote. 289 00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:50,301 Maybe I'll tell a joke,and if no one laughs, 290 00:10:50,345 --> 00:10:51,781 I'll say it was an anecdote. 291 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:52,956 That's perfect. 292 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,610 What's going on, Hayley? 293 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,786 I thought you were tryingto fail this class. 294 00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,962 I can't, not with you in my way. 295 00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:00,181 You're gonna crush the speech tomorrow. 296 00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:01,748 You're an amazing orator. 297 00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:03,358 Well, I was selectedby my peers 298 00:11:03,401 --> 00:11:05,273 to readthe Emancipation Proclamation 299 00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:06,753 at Disney World in Orlando. 300 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,580 Jafar came up to me afterwards 301 00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:11,322 and said I changed his mindabout a lot of things. 302 00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:12,802 I bet you did. 303 00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:14,499 Say, since this is my last night 304 00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:15,805 in community college, 305 00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:17,938 how about you take me out to one last hurrah? 306 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,809 Some people from class are having a little get-together. 307 00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:20,854 Sounds good. 308 00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:22,290 I usually like to go to bed early, 309 00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:24,596 but I had three rotisseriechickens for lunch, 310 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,556 so I have a little extra energyto burn off. 311 00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:28,992 [ Music plays ][ Indistinct talking ] 312 00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,602 Oh, cheese and rice,Hayley! 313 00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:33,910 There's alcohol on the premises.What if the police come? 314 00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,999 That girl's standingon the bed. 315 00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:37,740 Talk about your lifebeing over. 316 00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,742 Oh, my gosh. I had no idea. 317 00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,788 Let's get out of here, Lacey. 318 00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,920 Wait. Is that Ronnie over there? 319 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:46,183 I didn't know he was gonna be here. 320 00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:48,403 Don't you have a huge crush on him? 321 00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,448 You should go talk to him.Oh, God! 322 00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:52,581 I can feel my ricketsflaring up. 323 00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:53,887 Sounds like nerves. 324 00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:56,890 You're gonna need something to help you relax. 325 00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:59,327 Alcohol's good for that. 326 00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:01,111 I guess I could have one. 327 00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:03,984 To a chaste kiss with Ronnie. 328 00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:06,334 Mmm! That's not too bad. 329 00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:08,205 Makes my tummy feel confident. 330 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:11,774 And you look beautiful. Have some more. 331 00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,951 Look at me go, Hayley!I'm coming out of my shell. 332 00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:17,998 Maybe I'll evenlet Ronnie hold my hand. 333 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:20,000 I sucked seven [bleep], 334 00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:23,003 and I didn't even get to Ronnie. 335 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,920 So, did we pass? 336 00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,138 Well, let's see. 337 00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:29,836 Lacey mostly talked about a party 338 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:31,402 I wasn't invited to. 339 00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:33,709 The seven [bleep] partwas engaging, though. 340 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,624 How about this? F-plus. 341 00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:37,147 No! 342 00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:40,672 Now I'll never go to Harvard and make my sick mother proud! 343 00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:43,893 She has the bubonic plague. Thanks for asking, by the way. 344 00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,025 She was camping in New Mexico, 345 00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:47,505 and some squirrel feces got in her mouth. 346 00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:49,594 [ Sobbing ] 347 00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,466 [ Ratchet cranking ][ Register beeping ] 348 00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:53,076 What the hell?! 349 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,643 Where's my car? 350 00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:56,950 Which one's yours? The yellow F-150? 351 00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:57,820 No, Klaus. 352 00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,169 You said two days. 353 00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:00,997 It's been a month. 354 00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,912 Look, I'm sorry, okay? 355 00:13:02,956 --> 00:13:04,392 I have a lot to do around here. 356 00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:07,047 I just finished making sure the coffee is super-bitter, 357 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:09,266 greased up all the Sports Illustrateds, 358 00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:12,835 and some jerk keeps lowering the volume on "TMZ." 359 00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:15,055 Fine.You can have two more days. 360 00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:16,883 Two days. Ooh! 361 00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:19,886 That's when your Coleman beer-can chicken roaster rack 362 00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,191 is supposed to arrive. 363 00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:23,280 Ugh! Too bad your Good Grips salad spinner 364 00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:25,065 is back-ordered for another week. 365 00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:26,675 That could have been a cool combo 366 00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:28,198 for, like, backyard party. 367 00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:30,984 Have you been spyingon my Amazon account? 368 00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:33,508 Yes. Why? 369 00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:35,771 I think you have an exciting account. 370 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,425 Thank you. 371 00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:44,736 ♪♪ 372 00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:52,092 ♪♪ 373 00:13:52,135 --> 00:13:55,965 [ Bell tolls ] 374 00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:57,445 Listen up. 375 00:13:57,488 --> 00:14:00,361 We have some unsavory newsto share. 376 00:14:00,404 --> 00:14:01,884 I'm going to turn itover to Cheryl, 377 00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:04,974 my colleague hereand at Yoshinoya Beef Bowl. 378 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:06,889 Thank you, my Beef Bowl brother. 379 00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,891 Okay. This is never easy. 380 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,458 Tragically, last night, 381 00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:14,766 Lacey Krinklehoel took her own life. 382 00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:18,466 She jumped from the clock tower after unnecessarily dragging 383 00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:20,772 a long wooden plank to the top. 384 00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:23,775 Apparently, she was, until the very end, 385 00:14:23,819 --> 00:14:26,300 so proud of her work in her high-school production 386 00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:28,519 of "Pirates of Penzance." 387 00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,739 And one! 388 00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:32,828 Oh, please. You guys don'tknow her like I do. 389 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,264 She's gonna be fine. 390 00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:37,964 And so, in accordance withGroff Community College by-laws, 391 00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:41,141 the partner of any student who commits suicide 392 00:14:41,184 --> 00:14:43,534 is awarded an automatic "A." 393 00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:45,101 No! 394 00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:47,756 In lieu of official grief counseling, 395 00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:50,063 the school is partnering with Yoshinoya 396 00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:52,500 to offer all grieving students coupons 397 00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:55,068 for brown rice at the white-rice price. 398 00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:56,808 Now, I'm gonna tell you up front, 399 00:14:56,852 --> 00:15:01,074 because we've had some issues, it is a mail-in rebate. 400 00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:02,597 So, come on down to Yoshinoya 401 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,600 so we can get to Yoshi-know each other. 402 00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,213 ♪♪ 403 00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:13,869 Here's an apartmentthat's perfect for us. 404 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,175 This is a photo of a cup. 405 00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,525 I'm thirsty. 406 00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:20,093 Oh, my God! I just heard about Lacey. 407 00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,529 That's crazy! 408 00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:23,096 I can't believe you killed her. 409 00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:25,141 I passed my class because of you. 410 00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:27,665 Oh, my God! The bylaws! 411 00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:30,973 I didn't even think about Section 13A, Subset "G." 412 00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,888 But that would mean you're gonna graduate. 413 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,544 And I didn't hire theseshirtless movers for nothing! 414 00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:39,764 Let's see if my stud finder's working. 415 00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:41,157 [ Device beeps ] 416 00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:43,594 [ Beeping intensifies ] 417 00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,205 Stud detected. 418 00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,554 [ Beeping stops ] 419 00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,251 [ Screams ] 420 00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:51,124 [ Thud ][ Man scream ] 421 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,691 Ah, the classic stud-finder bit. 422 00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:56,607 I know it's a dad joke, but I still like it. 423 00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:58,870 ♪♪ 424 00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:00,133 [ Ratchet cranking ]It's been two days! 425 00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:01,917 Give me my damn car! 426 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,136 Which one is it?Klaus! 427 00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:05,138 I'm kidding. It's ready. 428 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:06,574 I'll have my guy bring it around. 429 00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:08,097 Mijo! 430 00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:19,848 I know what's going on in my shop. 431 00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,025 Did Steve learn Spanish? 432 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:25,375 I think you're really gonna likewhat we did. 433 00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:27,682 [ High-pitched whistling ][ Engine revs ] 434 00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:29,249 What is that noise? 435 00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:31,294 Whistle tips! 436 00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:32,165 [ Tires screech ] 437 00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:34,036 [ Hydraulics hiss ] 438 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,255 Klaus: Okay, pay attention. 439 00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:36,691 You've got an 8-ball stick shift now. 440 00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:37,735 Very cool. 441 00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:39,172 I know it was an automatic before. 442 00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:40,651 It's kind of a hybrid now. 443 00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:42,914 For gears 1 and 2, you have to shift, 444 00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:45,613 but, realistically, how often do you use those gears? 445 00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:47,310 We installed a nitrous button. 446 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,617 It's not connected to anything, but it's there. 447 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,227 This is a disaster, Klaus. 448 00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:52,750 Um, check again. 449 00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:55,753 I added a super-super- long antenna. 450 00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:58,495 It has incredible bounce. Look how it catches the wind. 451 00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:01,324 You don't even feel, Francine. 452 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,500 ♪♪ 453 00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:05,415 Tomorrow, my little girl receives 454 00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:07,200 her community-college diploma -- 455 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:09,289 color-printed and laminated. 456 00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:10,290 To Hayley's diploma. 457 00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:12,553 It's just a stupid piece of paper. 458 00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:14,207 I've got a whole ream of paper. 459 00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:16,165 I can print whatever I want on it. 460 00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:17,123 You sure can. 461 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:19,168 But every day is your day, honey. 462 00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,214 Today, we're celebrating the girl. 463 00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:22,432 To Hayley! To my room! 464 00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:24,086 To my new room! Hip, hip... 465 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,349 All but Jeff: Hooray!Opotamus! 466 00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:28,221 Oh, don't feel bad, Hayley. 467 00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:30,310 You didn't have a chanceto beat Lacey. 468 00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:32,442 She was possiblymy greatest creation. 469 00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:33,574 What?! 470 00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:36,272 She was the most boring, uninspired persona 471 00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:37,665 you have ever had. 472 00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:38,796 Uninspired?! 473 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:39,884 She was flawless. 474 00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,190 She sucked. 475 00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:42,235 She was an angel. 476 00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:43,801 It's a tragedy she had to die 477 00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:45,455 just to get you out of your room. 478 00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,544 I guess that's the silver lining -- 479 00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:48,545 Lacey's dead. 480 00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:50,373 You keep her name outof your mouth! 481 00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:52,810 Hmm. You're really sensitive about this. 482 00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:55,770 I'm sorry that I'm sensitiveabout sacrificing 483 00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:58,338 such a brave and confident soul. 484 00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:00,992 I'm so upset,I can't even eat my side salad. 485 00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:04,126 Look at this pale tomato wedgeI was so excited to eat. 486 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,346 It's the color of uncooked salmon, 487 00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:09,044 the most delicious colorof all! 488 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,350 [ Sobbing ] 489 00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:12,613 I'm gonna take this.[ Sobbing continues ] 490 00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:14,136 Hmm. 491 00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,312 ♪♪ 492 00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:18,314 Cheryl: Okeydokey, one more warm hand 493 00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:19,750 for your commencement speaker, 494 00:18:19,794 --> 00:18:23,406 Mr. Giggles and his goofy balloon show! 495 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:27,367 I am sorry there wasn't enough time 496 00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,282 for him to make a hat for everybody. 497 00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:32,285 And now your student speaker, 498 00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:33,329 Hayley Smith. 499 00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:37,290 [ Applause ] 500 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:38,987 Thank you. 501 00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:42,295 This may surprise some of you, but up until recently, 502 00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:44,253 I didn't even want to graduate. 503 00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:45,515 I was scared. 504 00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:48,301 But then I met someone who changed all that, 505 00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:49,606 Lacey Krinklehoel. 506 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,304 Sounds like quite the young woman. 507 00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:52,566 Heard her mother was sick. 508 00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:54,524 Lacey was the only person I knew 509 00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:57,745 who was more afraid and insecure than I was. 510 00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,312 That doesn't sound right, exactly. 511 00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:03,098 Seeing how pathetic she was made me feel braver 512 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,317 and more confident. 513 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,319 She lied to try and fit in. 514 00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:07,842 She lied about volunteering. 515 00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,888 She lied about her field-hockey triumphs. 516 00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:13,282 She didn't lie about loving horses. 517 00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:17,243 She even lied about starring in "Pirates of Penzance." 518 00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:20,681 She's entering libel terr-- t-territory now. 519 00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:22,987 But today, isn't about her. 520 00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:25,555 In fact, it will never be about her again, 521 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,689 because she's as dead as she was boring. 522 00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:30,560 ♪ Penzance! Penzance! [ All gasp ] 523 00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,345 ♪ We're the Pirates of Penzance! ♪ 524 00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:34,477 ♪ We got treasure Cannonballs ♪ 525 00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:36,087 ♪ There's a parrot, probably ♪ 526 00:19:36,131 --> 00:19:38,220 ♪ So hoist the sailsand anchors aweigh ♪ 527 00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,353 ♪ Kiss your mom, submarine ♪ 528 00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:42,224 ♪ We're the Pirates of Penzance ♪ 529 00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,879 ♪ A well-received play! 530 00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:47,011 Lacey Krinklehoel alive? 531 00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:50,493 Change the transcripts! Hayley Smith fails! 532 00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:52,234 Hayley stays! 533 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,411 [ Class cheers ] 534 00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:59,241 That was some shit, Hayley. 535 00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:02,462 I warned you.Well, game respects game. 536 00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,290 For what it's worth,if you did graduate, 537 00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,379 I think you'd be just fineon the outside. 538 00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:09,469 Maybe, but I hope I never have to find out. 539 00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:10,600 Oh, I got to bounce. 540 00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:12,385 My character who getstrapped in elevators 541 00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,387 needs to getfood poisoning first. 542 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:16,127 It really makes everyone I'm stuck with 543 00:20:16,171 --> 00:20:18,129 feelthe panic. 544 00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:23,918 [ Pen scribbling ] 545 00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:35,321 Is that a Decepticon sticker? 546 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:36,322 Klaus?Huh? 547 00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:37,410 Oh, yeah. 548 00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:39,847 Wow! Wow! Okay, then. 549 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:42,197 I don't know what to say, other than this car... 550 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,765 rules! 551 00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:46,984 And this thing is nitrous-ready? 552 00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:49,204 Ready and waiting. 553 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,075 Bye-bye, bad guys. 554 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:51,989 [ Hydraulics hiss ] 555 00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:53,426 This all looks great, ma'am. 556 00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:54,775 Only thing I have to charge you for 557 00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:56,690 is this dent down here in the corner. 558 00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:57,647 Klaus! 559 00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:59,083 Oh, did your goldfish not 560 00:20:59,127 --> 00:21:01,869 do a good-enough job fixing your car? 561 00:21:01,912 --> 00:21:04,306 Bye! Have a great time!