1 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:02,570 ♪♪ 2 00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:03,871 (laughs) 3 00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:04,905 Yes, yeah! 4 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,674 Whoo! 5 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,442 Yeah! 6 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,244 Yes! Whoo! 7 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,913 -Chug, Francine! -Whoo! 8 00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,351 Whoo! 9 00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:18,719 (all cheering) 10 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,588 Whoa, what's the party for? 11 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,556 Stan's uncle died! 12 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,259 And left us a ton of cash, baby. 13 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,128 A toast to me. 14 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,529 I told you if we stayed in touch 15 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,030 with Uncle Mitch it would pay off. 16 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,432 Is this why you always laughed 17 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,101 at his terrible racist jokes? 18 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,069 Yeah, it's one of the reasons. 19 00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:40,241 I guess we should talk about what to do with this 5 grand. 20 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,409 How about a trip? 21 00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:42,876 (gasps) Maybe to New York. 22 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,578 I've always wanted to try a calzone. 23 00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,247 Calzone? 24 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,416 It's New York City, baby. 25 00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,484 I'm getting a turkey sandwich. 26 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,320 A trip? What a waste of money. 27 00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:53,487 Why don't we just pour the cash 28 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:54,955 down the drain with Uncle Mitch? 29 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,924 We need to invest this money. 30 00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,759 I think we all just want a vacation. 31 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,894 We just went on that trip to Fort Lauderdale. 32 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:03,564 Sure, it was fun at the time, but look at us now. 33 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:04,965 We have nothing to show for it. 34 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,934 We have all the great family memories. 35 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,302 Memories are useless. 36 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,570 What can I do with memories? 37 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:10,838 Write a memoir? 38 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,306 You think I'm the new Chelsea Handler? 39 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,342 Well, I'm not. There's only one Chelsea Handler 40 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,676 and she's a goddess. 41 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,845 Dad, we all worship Chelsea Handler. 42 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:19,012 Keep her name out of your mouth! 43 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,948 Let's have a family vote. 44 00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:25,353 Who wants to use the money to buy a vacation to New York? 45 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:26,987 Who's for investing the money? 46 00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:32,826 Oh, yeah! Uncle Mitch is dead! 47 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,329 (patriotic music plays) 48 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,031 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 49 00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:41,869 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 50 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:45,105 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 51 00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:49,377 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 52 00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:54,615 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 53 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,884 -♪ Good -- ♪ -♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 54 00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:58,219 Aah! 55 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,856 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 56 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,162 I thought we were booking our New York trip. 57 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:09,663 Why are we at Costgo? 58 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,300 Someone's not listening to my podcast. 59 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,302 Costgo has a travel agency. I devoted a whole -- 60 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:15,336 (all gasp) 61 00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:18,138 (angelic music plays) 62 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:22,075 We need those leather jackets if we are going to New York. 63 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:25,078 Stan, we can't go to New York without leather jackets. 64 00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:27,215 Lena Dunham will kick our asses. 65 00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:29,517 We may have our differences, but I'm not an idiot. 66 00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:32,653 I know we need leather jackets to go to New York. 67 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,488 Okay, you guys grab the jackets. 68 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,023 I'm gonna go and talk to a travel agent 69 00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:37,525 and get us a sweet deal. 70 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,028 I want to book a trip to New York. 71 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:42,763 All right, when would you like to fly out? 72 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,733 Fly? Who am I, the C.E.O. of Amazon? 73 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,035 I want to say John or Josh something. 74 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,770 How much will you charge me if I walk there? 75 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:50,938 Um, nothing. 76 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:52,206 That's a good start. 77 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,074 Excuse me, but I've been listening, 78 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,177 and I can tell you are someone who knows the value of a dollar. 79 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,746 -I do! -Come with me. 80 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,781 I like this. Not enough strangers 81 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,850 physically escort you places. 82 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:05,353 (car alarm blares, siren wails) 83 00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,521 Today's your lucky day, 84 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,622 because I'm about to offer you 85 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:11,692 a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. 86 00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:15,696 (rhythmic stomping, clapping) 87 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:25,038 (clanging) 88 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:27,608 (lids clang) 89 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,943 (rhythmic stomping, broom scraping) 90 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,250 I'm offering you the North American rights 91 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:39,387 to the off-Broadway show "Stomp," 92 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:40,754 all for the low price of -- 93 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,556 I will pay whatever you want. 94 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:46,394 ♪♪ 95 00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,896 Stan, where did you go? 96 00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:51,164 Costgo search and rescue looked for hours 97 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,434 and then declared you legally dead. 98 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:54,935 We just read your will. 99 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,837 I'm glad you're alive, but for the record, 100 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,273 my basketball is not yours to give away. 101 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,774 Well, you're gonna forget all about that 102 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,109 when you hear my news. 103 00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:03,110 (rhythmic stomping, lids clanging) 104 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,445 Ow! 105 00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:05,613 What is he doing? 106 00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:06,780 Mama, make him stop! 107 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,916 Stan, you're upsetting the children. 108 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,351 -Fine. -(lids clang) 109 00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:12,586 Does anyone in this family like Broadway? 110 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,922 Really, Dad? We're going to Broadway?! 111 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,491 Nope, Broadway is coming to us. 112 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,159 What'd you say, Big Daddy? 113 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:22,496 I used the vacation money to buy "Stomp." 114 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,032 Wait, is "Stomp" the one where they're all painted blue? 115 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:26,534 No, that's "Jersey Boys." 116 00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,702 "Stomp" was a huge Broadway hit in the '90s 117 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,304 that put New York on the map. 118 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:32,473 It incorporates rhythms, acrobatics, 119 00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:34,942 pantomime, and brooms! Here, watch this. 120 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:38,312 [ Rhythmic stomping, broom scraping ] 121 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,314 What the [bleep] was that? 122 00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,650 The family voted for a vacation. 123 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,818 This is so much better than a vacation. 124 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,454 We're gonna make buttloads of money 125 00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,288 and then you can buy all the memories you want. 126 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,825 You, sir, have broken a buttload of hearts. 127 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,562 Stan, I love this. 128 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,864 I've always wanted to be part of a Broadway show. 129 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,332 Ooh, can I be your assistant? 130 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,067 Really? Yeah, sure. 131 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:03,136 My first order of business will be to fetch you some sorbet 132 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,338 in the shape of a penis. 133 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,573 What? Why? 134 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,140 I'm trying to show initiative. 135 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,576 I thought you'd be happy. 136 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,744 Oh, please don't tell me you're one of those bosses 137 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,813 who can never be happy. 138 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,357 Hideki, first thing -- love the picture and résumé. 139 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:26,527 You don't see a lot of nudes. 140 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:29,497 I'll just, uh, hang on to this. 141 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,767 Rockin' Ronnie here with Stan Smith, 142 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,503 the man who's given this whole town 143 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:38,105 a terrible case of "Stomp" fever. 144 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,573 Stan, people are going bonkers 145 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:40,941 waiting for your show to open. 146 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,376 Let's take some callers. 147 00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:44,578 BUCKLE: I love "Stomp," 148 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,781 and I was sadly out of town for the audition process, 149 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,551 so I'd like to audition now. 150 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,453 Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! 151 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:53,787 Clap, clap! 152 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,589 Broom, broom, broom! 153 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,257 Trash can lids! 154 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,026 Brooooom! 155 00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:01,862 Yeah, everyone's very excited. 156 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,130 What do you say we give some tickets away 157 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,231 -at the top of the hour? 158 00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:06,467 Wish we could but the show's all sold out. 159 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,635 Why are you here promoting the show 160 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,369 if it's totally sold out? 161 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,705 Why don't you ever play Toad the Wet Sprocket? 162 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:16,143 Because Toad slept with my wife, Stan. 163 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:19,613 Awkwaaard! 164 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,082 ♪♪ 165 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:24,284 It's cray-cray-donkulous. 166 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,119 Ever since you bought "Stomp," 167 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:29,289 I've been getting the most amazing treatment around town. 168 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,824 See these earrings? 169 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,961 Everyone at CVS saw me shoplift them, 170 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,963 but nobody said nothing. 171 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,799 My weed dealer let me play with his tarantula. 172 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,801 Principal Lewis showed up in my math class 173 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,003 and presented me with an old bowling trophy. 174 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,304 It was pretty cool. 175 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,106 He was sweating pretty bad. 176 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:50,110 For Mr. "Stomp" and his family, compliments of the chef. 177 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:52,980 Wow, Dad, I'm sorry. 178 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,182 Buying "Stomp" was a great idea. 179 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:57,284 Guys, you don't have to apologize. 180 00:06:57,384 --> 00:07:01,522 A simple singing of the "Wrong Song" is all I need. 181 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,024 ♪ You were right, so, so right ♪ 182 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,426 ♪ And we were oh, so wrong ♪ 183 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,696 ♪ You are smart and we are dumb ♪ 184 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:11,431 ♪ That's why we sing this song ♪ 185 00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:16,604 ♪ We're idiooots ♪ 186 00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:19,106 ♪♪ 187 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,841 (audience murmuring) 188 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,544 Man, if that house was any more packed, 189 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:24,978 it'd be my wife's suitcase 190 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,880 when we're just going away for the weekend. 191 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,816 (groans) 192 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,187 (audience chanting "We want 'Stomp'!") 193 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,188 Opening night. 194 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,490 Feel the electricity. 195 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:37,525 How's my cast? 196 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:38,726 To tell you the truth, 197 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:40,293 we're a little nervous, Stan. 198 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,629 We haven't rehearsed at all. 199 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,631 In fact, we never even met the director. 200 00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,966 Director? What do you think this is, a movie? 201 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,735 You didn't hire a director? 202 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:50,203 All the direction you need is right there in the title -- 203 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,372 stomp. Just go out there and do it. 204 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,808 Feet, broom, floor. Now, come on, 205 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,076 this audience paid 100 bucks a ticket. 206 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,344 Let's give them their money's worth. 207 00:07:57,444 --> 00:08:02,750 (cheers and applause) 208 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,918 (broom handle taps) 209 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:08,221 (broom brushing) 210 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,023 (broom handle taps, garbage can scrapes) 211 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,692 What the frick is this?! 212 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:14,227 (audience booing) 213 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,863 We got to get the hell out of here. 214 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:19,166 Well, bad news -- 215 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,334 the angry mob destroyed my S.U.V. 216 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:24,171 But good news, they spared Jeff's van. 217 00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:25,839 That "coexist" bumper sticker 218 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:28,275 has gotten me out of a lot of jams. 219 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,210 Religion is the great unifier. 220 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,278 (mob shouting) 221 00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:32,345 Oh, look at that, 222 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,247 our house is on fire. 223 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,786 ♪♪ 224 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:41,254 Three weeks on the road and we're broke. 225 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,924 This Luna Bar is our last meal until... 226 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,226 we start eating the leather jackets. 227 00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,728 -Never! -Never! 228 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,062 Look, I'm sorry, guys, 229 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:51,098 but this is what you wanted, right? 230 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,566 We're making memories. 231 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,635 Remember when that coyote attacked Steve? 232 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,737 Or how about when the coyote attacked Hayley? 233 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,239 -And who can forget -- -Yes, we all remember 234 00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,609 that coyote you tried to domesticate. 235 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:02,810 (siren wails) 236 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:05,946 Nice leather jackets. 237 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:06,980 Big fan. 238 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,416 License and registration. 239 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,484 Sir, this isn't your registration. 240 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:14,588 It's...the North American rights to "Stomp"? 241 00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,056 You should do a show here. 242 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,925 Sorry, but our theater days are behind us. 243 00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:19,126 He's kidding. 244 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,427 We're still doing "Stomp," 245 00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,596 and we're bringing it to your town. 246 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:23,731 Spread the word. 247 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:24,832 You got it! 248 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:28,268 Hey, I'll miss you guys. 249 00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,603 Francine, what are you doing? 250 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:30,904 We don't have any performers. 251 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,405 We'll be the performers, 252 00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:35,075 and this time, we'll do it right. 253 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,612 You ripped us off! 254 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:41,448 -(laughs evilly) -What the hell? 255 00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,684 I thought we were gonna do "Stomp" for real this time. 256 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:46,253 We were going to, but it just seemed like 257 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,621 a whole lot of work. 258 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,322 So while you were out selling tickets, 259 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,590 we were drinking 40s 260 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:51,792 and getting super into tetherball. 261 00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,661 I started out the worst, Stan, 262 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,328 but now I'm second best. 263 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,465 We realized we could just say we were putting on a show 264 00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,600 and then drive away with all the ticket money. 265 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,603 So now we go from town to town doing this. 266 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,005 Ripping people off? 267 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,439 Won't that make us bad people? 268 00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,976 No, we're tricking them, and in my experience, 269 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,510 people love being tricked. 270 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,512 Hey, Jeff, what's that over there? 271 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,849 -(grunts) -(laughter) 272 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,885 -See? -Well, I'm sold. 273 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,120 And I'm a famously tough sell. 274 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:23,691 ♪♪ 275 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:27,327 ♪♪ 276 00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:29,797 And the dancers are always going... 277 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:31,398 (rhythmic stomping, clapping) 278 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,166 What else do they do? 279 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,501 (chuckling) Oh, you're gonna have 280 00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:38,171 to buy a ticket to find out. 281 00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:39,306 Surprise! 282 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,640 It's me, Hayley! 283 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:42,242 Who the hell is Hayley? 284 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,144 The gal with the "Stomp" tickets. 285 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,313 (all cheering) 286 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:49,817 ♪♪ 287 00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,719 Ah, that's a gimme. 288 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:54,021 Why don't you celebrate your hole in one with a little... 289 00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,423 (tapping golf balls rhythmically) 290 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:59,927 Wait, I know what this stranger's talking about. 291 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,329 -It's "Stomp"! -(tapping golf clubs rhythmically) 292 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:04,664 Young man, those are expensive golf clubs. 293 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,567 You can't bang 'em around like some "Problem Child 2." 294 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,838 Or can you? 295 00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:14,174 ♪♪ 296 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,575 Here's 50 bucks. 297 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,545 And you just bought yourself a ticket to "Stomp." 298 00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:19,780 But I was only paying for the blow-- 299 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,181 That was free! 300 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:24,517 (mob shouting) 301 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,854 Hot damn, it feels good to rip people off! 302 00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:30,057 Oh, man, look at those small-town morons chasing us. 303 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,424 Stan, slow down a little. 304 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,060 Steve, why don't you serve our friends up 305 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,228 a little pressed ham? 306 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,032 (mob shouting) 307 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,701 Oh, yeah, they're hungry for it, Steve. 308 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:45,138 (engine stalls) 309 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:48,308 Roger, I told you to go to the gas station today. 310 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,610 I did, but there were some college kids there 311 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,945 and I wanted to impress them 312 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,213 and I couldn't think of anything cool, 313 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,581 so I deepthroated the nozzle 314 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,383 and guzzled $80 of gas. 315 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:59,086 -You idiot! -Relax. Just punch it when I say. 316 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,592 Guys, th-this ham's getting overcooked. 317 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,427 You can pull up your pants at any time. 318 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,829 -Go, go! -(engine starts) 319 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,463 Ahh. 320 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,399 (tires squeal) 321 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:13,500 (mob shouting) 322 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,835 Look at me. 323 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,404 I got my son's ass against my window, 324 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,406 my alien's dick in my gas tank, 325 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,741 and nothing but the open road in front of me. 326 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,778 And here comes God with the cherry on top. 327 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,013 Let's celebrate. 328 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,447 (all cheering) 329 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:28,515 ♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪ 330 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:29,616 (gunshots) 331 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,018 ♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪ 332 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:34,354 (laughs) 333 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,991 (grunts in slow-motion) 334 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,092 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 335 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:42,695 ♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪ 336 00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:44,031 ♪ Ba du bop, ba du ♪ 337 00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,366 (family screaming) 338 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,802 Did someone order a ham slider? 339 00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:49,870 (glass squeaks) 340 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,004 HAYLEY: Yeah, yeah! 341 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,606 FRANCINE: Being mean is fun! 342 00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:00,848 Another day, another town full of suckers. 343 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,115 Patron of the arts. 344 00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:04,117 More like morons of the farts. 345 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,953 What a way with words. 346 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:08,355 Give me some of that silver tongue. 347 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,457 Yeah! French him, Mom. 348 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,492 (laughter) 349 00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,494 Look who's skipping out again. 350 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:15,829 Sorry, we don't remember you. 351 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,998 We've swindled a lot of people. 352 00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:20,033 Funny. Let's see how funny you are 353 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,468 with my gun in your mouth. 354 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,174 (laughter) 355 00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:32,479 Okay, that was funny. 356 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:33,914 But that doesn't change the fact 357 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:36,049 that you guys are in deep trouble. 358 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,750 If you want your money back, sorry, 359 00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,719 we spent all of it to have Young MC play 360 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,088 at Klaus' birthday party. 361 00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,255 It was freezing out. 362 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:43,991 For some reason, he wore shorts. 363 00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:45,425 He said he wasn't cold, but he had goose bumps 364 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:46,726 all over his legs. 365 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:47,895 That's all I can remember. 366 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,397 Well, if we can't get our money, 367 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,332 we're getting that show. 368 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,768 And it better be good, or else you're dead. 369 00:13:58,105 --> 00:13:59,706 (man coughs) 370 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,608 Do it! 371 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,278 (broom handle taps) 372 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,680 (broom scrapes) 373 00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,382 (clangs) 374 00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:10,417 (broom handle taps) 375 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,119 (bangs) 376 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,754 (drum banging, lids clanging rhythmically) 377 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,224 (brooms scraping rhythmically) 378 00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:24,864 Are we good at this? 379 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,266 How is it possible? 380 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,800 I guess during the past year 381 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,302 when we were pitching the show, 382 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,971 we must've learned how to stomp. 383 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,772 (cheers and applause) 384 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,543 (banging, scraping, clapping musically) 385 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,379 (clapping rhythmically) 386 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:42,649 (brooms thumping) 387 00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:45,552 (trash can banging) 388 00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:51,158 PRODUCER: Stop the play! 389 00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:53,493 I'm from New York City. 390 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:54,995 He's wearing a scarf! 391 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,296 Let him speak! 392 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,830 I'm a producer -- 393 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,266 a very important person 394 00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,234 to a very small segment of people. 395 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:04,604 You simply must come with me and do this show on Broadway. 396 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:05,905 Did you hear that, family? 397 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,840 We finally get to go to New York City. 398 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:12,312 Mm! I can almost taste that Times Square turkey. 399 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:15,115 And we got what we wanted -- half a show. 400 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,449 Good luck in New York! 401 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:17,917 (cheers and applause) 402 00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,819 Wait. 403 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,921 There's one thing that stands 404 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,457 between you and New York City. 405 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,359 Do you have a leather jacket? 406 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,428 We have 10. 407 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:31,664 (wild cheers and applause) 408 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,336 (rhythmic banging) 409 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,704 ALL: Stomp! 410 00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:38,871 -(cheers and applause) -WOMAN: Mazel tov! 411 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,173 MAN: Let's go, Mets and Yankees! 412 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,375 MAN #2: Our clam chowder is red! 413 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:45,712 Francine, Hayley, Steve? 414 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,648 Anyone up for a little tai chi in Central P? 415 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,483 They all left right after the show. 416 00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:51,718 Again? 417 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,686 Do you want to hit up C Park with me? 418 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:54,854 I can't. 419 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,289 I'm a ghost. 420 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:59,492 I died in this very theater in 1927. 421 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,829 Only a kiss will free me from haunting this realm. 422 00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:04,964 Please, sir, a kiss? 423 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,235 (laughs) You stupid idiot. 424 00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:11,871 I'm not a ghost, I'm a perverted boy. 425 00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:18,345 Morning, Steve. I made a big family breakfast like old times. 426 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,013 Wait, wait, wait. I got a joke here. 427 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,748 -Knock, knock. -Who's there? 428 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:24,351 Not me. I have brunch plans with Diane. 429 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:25,885 Diane? 430 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,187 Steve's girlfriend. 431 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,488 It's pretty serious. 432 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:31,824 She's 50, but she looks 57. 433 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,360 Sorry, we have to run. 434 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:36,029 Oh, we were supposed to be at the gallery ages ago. 435 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,564 Gallery? 436 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,167 Jeff is one of New York's premier underground artists. 437 00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:43,103 See ya. On Tuesdays, I play melancholy violin music 438 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,205 on a subway platform. 439 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,674 Francine, what has happened to us? 440 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,842 This family used to be so close. 441 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,411 Now the only time we spend together 442 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,246 is on stage when we're performing. 443 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:56,583 I hear ya, but can we talk about it during "Stomp" tonight? 444 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,118 I don't want to be late for my first day 445 00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,852 writing on "Law & Order." 446 00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,954 -What are you doing today? -Oh, I'm busy, Stan. 447 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:04,091 I've got a big day of staring out this window 448 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,193 and reporting our neighbors to the FBI. 449 00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:07,394 You don't have to be right. 450 00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,062 You just have to have a phone. 451 00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:11,131 They're all happy. 452 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,966 Maybe I'm not giving this town a chance. 453 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:16,403 (melancholy violin music plays) 454 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:23,476 ♪♪ 455 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:30,383 So, Balanchine's "Agon" is going at the Koch Theater. 456 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,552 Balanchine's "Agon"? 457 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:35,888 We might as well see Hall & Oates at the ESPN Zone. 458 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:40,127 Shall we have dessert at the M&M store? 459 00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,795 Is it one of those Sundays again, Diane? 460 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:43,896 (cellphone chimes) 461 00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,665 Oop, your fibromyalgia medication 462 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,134 is ready for pickup. 463 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:53,806 (screams) 464 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,142 Bird! 465 00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:56,776 It's in my hair! 466 00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,411 It's in my hair! 467 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,580 (violin continues) 468 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:05,418 ♪♪ 469 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:06,953 It's a beautiful painting. 470 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:09,989 Thanks, but I was trying to write a book. 471 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,326 I'll never be a novelist! 472 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,162 (crying) 473 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,996 (violin continues) 474 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:21,334 ♪♪ 475 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,637 Mr. Wolf, I have an idea for an episode. 476 00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,706 What if a waiter gets murdered, 477 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:30,210 and we find out that the murderer who murdered him 478 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,879 isn't who we thought he was? 479 00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,982 We've already done that. 480 00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:37,617 (violin continues) 481 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:43,190 ♪♪ 482 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:53,032 (thunking) 483 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,735 Tough city, but I couldn't live anywhere else. 484 00:18:57,504 --> 00:19:01,408 Everyone's miserable and they don't even know it. 485 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:06,213 ♪♪ 486 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,715 -Stan Smith? -Yes. 487 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,717 I've been looking everywhere for you. 488 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,386 I'm Eric Jeremyson III, president of Broadway. 489 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,754 Hi. 490 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,589 Buying the North American rights to "Stomp" 491 00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,057 was a smart investment. 492 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,092 You must be a very happy man. 493 00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,661 Well, obviously you are. 494 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,563 You're sitting here alone on this park bench, 495 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,698 reflecting on your happiness, no doubt. 496 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:28,535 -Get to it. -I'd like to offer you and your family 497 00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:31,170 a lifetime contract to perform "Stomp." 498 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:33,906 Imagine, you'll be in New York for life! 499 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,108 But I need your answer tonight. 500 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:40,046 -Why? -For drama! 501 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,885 Hey, where are the brooms? 502 00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,621 Huh, are they not where they always are? 503 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,290 There's just rakes. 504 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,958 No brooms?! 505 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,794 What the hell are we supposed to do with rakes?! 506 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:57,764 Calm down. We're the ones that make the show amazing. 507 00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,198 The props don't matter. 508 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,401 (mob shouting) 509 00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:03,403 The props definitely matter! 510 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,305 The brooms were the real stars! 511 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,073 I've got to tell you something before you read it 512 00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,608 in The Village Voice tomorrow. 513 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,443 I switched out the brooms. 514 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,279 Why would you do such a thing? 515 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:13,746 I know we didn't vote on it, 516 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,548 but our family's happiness is too important 517 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:16,916 to leave to democracy. 518 00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,285 We're miserable here. 519 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,253 Maybe, but being miserable 520 00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:21,954 and pretending to love living here 521 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,923 is just what New Yorkers do. 522 00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,124 That's what I was doing. 523 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,125 Being together with you 524 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,294 this past year, 525 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:28,661 I've never felt so alone. 526 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,263 Me, too, babe. 527 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,732 Plus, these buildings are too tall. 528 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:35,302 And let's admit it, Domino's has better pizza. 529 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,003 The last time I was happy 530 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:40,139 was when we were making memories together as a family. 531 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,741 I want to go back to that place. 532 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,643 I want to go home, too, Dad. 533 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,111 Wrong again, numbnuts. 534 00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:47,847 ♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪ 535 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,750 ♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪ 536 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:51,951 ♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪ 537 00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:54,253 ♪ Ba du, ohh ♪ 538 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,589 ♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪ 539 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,791 ♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪ 540 00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,593 ♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪ 541 00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,128 ♪ Ba du ♪ 542 00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:04,163 Bye! Have a great time!