1
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:07,039
I've been
so distracted lately,
2
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,774
mainly thinking
about my marriage and --
3
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:10,843
And blah, blah, blah.
You'll never leave him.
4
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:11,944
Now focus up, girl!
5
00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:13,012
You're right!
6
00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:14,480
It's foolish
to be talking at all
7
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,648
when you bring out
one of your A-list personas.
8
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:19,284
I mean, it's so rare
for the Samantha Kingsbury
9
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:21,020
to make an appearance.
10
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,789
Please, you sound just like
my ski instructor in St. Moritz.
11
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:26,191
I don't know
if I can winter there again...
12
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,994
Who is that?
13
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,829
Her?
That's Meredith Fields.
14
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,465
She's the most interesting
and fabulous woman
15
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,034
in Langley Falls.
16
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:37,302
She can't be all that
if I, Samantha Kingsbury,
17
00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:38,470
never heard of her.
18
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,239
Meredith's
pretty amazing.
19
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:42,574
She runs the best book club
in town.
20
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:43,876
(scoffs)
Book club.
21
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,744
I pretend skied
in Switzerland.
22
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,680
And she runs a charity
to raise...
23
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,982
Awareness.
24
00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:51,350
(scoffs)
Charities.
25
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,485
It's all about podcasts
these days.
26
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,921
She's even got time
for the homeless.
27
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:58,323
Time?
I have sex with the homeless!
28
00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:01,326
Roger, she's married
to a dentist.
29
00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:02,394
(gasps)
30
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,932
I can't believe
you haven't met her.
31
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:10,569
Correction, she can't believe
she hasn't met me.
32
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,571
Observe.
33
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,006
Excuse me.
34
00:01:14,008 --> 00:01:15,374
Thank you.
35
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,943
Oh, I just adore
the service here.
36
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,946
Can I trouble you
for a glass of water?
37
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:35,461
Thank you.
38
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,096
Uh, before I order,
39
00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:39,398
you might want to get
that couple first.
40
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,033
They were here
before me.
41
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,953
Holy shit!
42
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:04,456
She is amazing!
43
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,924
She thought
I worked here.
44
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,493
You kind of do.
45
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,799
(patriotic music plays)
46
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,668
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
47
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:20,139
¶ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶
48
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:23,142
¶ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ¶
49
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:27,212
¶ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ¶
50
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:32,951
¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶
51
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:35,487
¶ Good -- ¶
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
52
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,922
Aah!
53
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,926
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
54
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:47,466
Whew! That CrossFit workout
was amazing.
55
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,535
Coach Trey is awesome!
56
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:52,004
Remember when he put
a protein bar against his crotch
57
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,839
and pretended to jack off
all over the yoga class?
58
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:54,973
So funny.
59
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:57,943
Oh, CrossFit kicks
so much ass!
60
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,845
Give it a rest, Klaus.
You're not a CrossFitter.
61
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,313
Yeah, but I'm totally
gonna hit it
62
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:02,614
when my shoulder
feels better.
63
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:03,982
Sure, fish.
64
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:07,019
Guys, check out my abs.
Jeff, hit me!
65
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,787
Now me!
(gasps)
66
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,289
Okay, plan --
67
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,491
We hit it hard today,
so let's say we relax,
68
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,626
grab some protein,
then hit the sack early
69
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,461
so we can crush
tomorrow's workout.
70
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:19,565
Oh, yeah.
I'm already hooked.
71
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:22,968
I am in for
the swole enchilada.
72
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:26,872
(all sigh)
73
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,341
(gasps)
74
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:30,242
No!
75
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:31,176
No!
76
00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,311
No!
77
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,745
Roger,
what are you doing?
78
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,647
Samantha Kingsbury
may not have been
79
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,349
as fabulous
as Meredith Fields,
80
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:40,052
but there has to be a persona
in here that could beat her.
81
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,554
PTA rock star
Mike Babcock --
82
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,324
the cool dad every mom at school
wants to sleep with.
83
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,858
I mean, bang.
84
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:49,094
Nobody's sleeping
when Mike comes a-creeping.
85
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,395
Nope.
86
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,264
I'm just gonna have to start
from scratch.
87
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:53,465
Come on,
you'll drive.
88
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,235
Where are we?
89
00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:57,736
Now you're asking?
90
00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,539
You're a real odd duck,
Francine.
91
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:03,008
Anyway, this is my magical
persona factory.
92
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,778
Oh, my God!
93
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:10,282
Funny you mention him.
This is where he was created.
94
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,017
Or, rather, she.
95
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:14,353
No, he.
God's a he.
96
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,988
And he's white.
97
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,895
FRANCINE:
Roger, I have to ask...
98
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:24,930
(bleats)
99
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,765
What is your
electric bill?
100
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,066
Don't worry about it.
101
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,768
(electricity crackling)
102
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,640
All my characters
are conceived here.
103
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,643
I'm sure you recognize
some of my best work.
104
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:40,646
And now, my best work
needs to be better!
105
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:44,149
Like a chef, I must pick
the finest ingredients.
106
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:48,086
All my work has led me
to this moment...
107
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:52,224
The most fabulous person
I've ever birthed.
108
00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:55,294
And dry ice
for effect.
109
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,663
Get ready to meet...
110
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,231
Raider Dave!
111
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:00,499
Oh, overcooked it.
112
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,668
Boy, you add
just one ingredient too many,
113
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,436
and you end up
Raider Dave --
114
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,671
every time.
115
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:11,677
All right,
time for the morning work--
116
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,111
Ouch!
117
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,480
My body --
it's dead!
118
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:18,617
Oh, my God!
Why can't I move?!
119
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:21,119
It must be
from CrossFit.
120
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,254
Jeff?!
121
00:05:22,256 --> 00:05:24,156
Down here.
I'm stuck, too.
122
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:26,024
Do I hear
that correctly?
123
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,292
(glass shatters)
124
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:31,263
The entire family
is unable to move?
125
00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:33,365
Klaus, thank God!
Help us!
126
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:37,102
Oh, no.
Klaus is in charge now.
127
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,438
I can finally
have that birthday party
128
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,807
you didn't let me have
two years ago.
129
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:43,475
We never stopped you from --
130
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,811
Yes! The party!
131
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:48,513
It'll be my party,
132
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,649
with my favorite food.
133
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,451
My favorite drink.
134
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:55,520
And everybody's
favorite song!
135
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,155
No! Klaus!
136
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,157
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
137
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,226
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
My ears!
138
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,461
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
It burns!
139
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:03,729
(music stops)
140
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:06,331
Oh, I can't do this
to you guys...
141
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,734
without Jacking
that bass!
142
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,502
¶ ...Move it, move it ¶
(all screaming)
143
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,137
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
144
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,039
¶ Ya like to move it ¶
145
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,541
(classical music playing)
146
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,344
Let's thank Sandra
for her choice this month.
147
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,413
Little Women
was just a delight.
148
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:24,549
By the end, after all
Jo and the girls went through,
149
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,485
it should called
Big Women.
150
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:29,721
Big women?
Try huge.
151
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:33,825
Mm.
152
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,560
Cecilia Takaru's
the name.
153
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,330
Born on a sleigh ride
outside St. Petersburg.
154
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,065
Closer to Tampa,
actually.
155
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,234
Or as us Tampons
like to call it,
156
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,269
-home of Hulk Hogan.
(laughter)
157
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,037
-My goodness.
-What a gas.
158
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:48,407
Studied literature
at Space Camp for four years,
159
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,342
which, naturally,
led me to franchise
160
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:51,910
the Chimdale Ikea.
161
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:55,247
Not a stress-free job,
but I have a handle on it.
162
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,116
Sorry, I blacked out.
163
00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,018
Oh, yeah,
Little Women.
164
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,787
Alcott called it
Little Women
165
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,589
because she was challenging
the male-centric Huck Finn
166
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,359
and the role of females
in a post-colonial America.
167
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:09,361
Wow.
Welcome, Cecilia.
168
00:07:09,363 --> 00:07:13,031
I'm not familiar
with the Space Camp curriculum,
169
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,533
but wasn't Little Women
170
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:17,235
published 20 years
before Huck Finn?
171
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,137
(gulps)
172
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:22,774
In -- in space,
time is very fluid.
173
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,310
As Einstein hypothesized,
174
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,045
stuff from earlier...
175
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:30,549
might actually be
from later.
176
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:31,883
Pull it together.
177
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:34,553
Einstein's theory
of relativity.
178
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:38,890
And to come up with that
riding a Strassenbahn in Vienna.
179
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:44,095
I'd say it was a greater leap
for mankind than the moonwalk.
180
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,163
(retches)
181
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,632
(tires squeal)
182
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,170
Roger,
what are you doing?
183
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,139
Cecilia Takaru
is a lie!
184
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,475
All of these personas
are lies!
185
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:58,176
Well, yeah.
186
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,511
Masks!
187
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,480
They cover up the fact
that I'm empty inside!
188
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,914
Roger, that's not true!
189
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,083
It took meeting someone
as real as Meredith
190
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,785
for me to see
I'm like an onion.
191
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:09,955
When you peel away the layers,
there's nothing left --
192
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,289
except tears!
193
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,357
(sobbing)
194
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,595
Aah!
195
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:19,197
What are you doing?!
No!
196
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,768
Die! All of you!
197
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:26,004
This is agony!
198
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,173
I programmed them
to feel burning.
199
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,709
Back to crazy!
Aah!
200
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,778
(screaming)
201
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,483
Why would you do this?
202
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:40,619
That was
your life's work!
203
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,020
That life is over.
204
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,822
I'm done
creating characters!
205
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,857
I'm gonna live
the rest of my days
206
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,460
as the most boring person
on the planet...
207
00:08:48,462 --> 00:08:49,794
me.
208
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:52,130
Well, you have to
put on something.
209
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:55,133
I can't drive you around
looking like an alien.
210
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:57,335
Fine!
211
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,304
Drive.
Take me nowhere.
212
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:02,073
It's the only place
a nobody belongs.
213
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:05,210
(sobbing)
214
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,645
(car door opens, closes)
215
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,980
(sirens wailing)
216
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:11,883
(explosion, glass shatters)
217
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:19,357
(Roger sobbing)
218
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:22,027
Oh, Roger, I can hear you
sobbing in there,
219
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,895
and it's breaking
my heart.
220
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,196
(crinkling)
221
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,898
I also hear you
rubbing on stuff,
222
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,366
probably our groceries.
223
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,201
ROGER: Probably.
224
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:33,271
Just put on the emergency poncho
and come sit up front with me.
225
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:38,843
Formless and generic --
just like me.
226
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,513
Well, we can zhuzh it up
a little.
227
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:46,885
Much better.
228
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,254
But you need
some hair.
229
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,090
Pretty.
230
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,526
Ugh.
231
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:55,961
(car door closes)
232
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:59,664
I just know he did
something terrible to this.
233
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,701
(car door closes)
234
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,308
(all squawk)
235
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,384
Come on, Tony,
pick up, pick up.
236
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,586
You've been calling people
all afternoon.
237
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,989
Face it, Klaus,
no one's coming to your party.
238
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:27,125
Trust me, my boy Tony
always comes through.
239
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,494
Hey, Tony!
It's Klaus!
240
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,630
Get your ass over here.
241
00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:34,499
There is a par-tay
going on!
242
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:37,669
Yeah, of course
I'll give you the the deets.
243
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,671
See?
He wants the deets.
244
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,106
Okay, usual deets.
245
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:44,075
Personal pepperoni
and small crazy bread.
246
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,577
45 minutes!
247
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:48,580
Oh, he can't wait to party!
248
00:10:48,582 --> 00:10:51,182
That's Tony, bro!
249
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,187
I got a double
half-caff cappuccino,
250
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,422
extra whip for...
251
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,190
Wait a second,
there's no name.
252
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,660
That's me.
I don't deserve a name.
253
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,028
Gah! This is awful!
254
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,764
Do you know who I am?
Make it again...
255
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:06,931
for no name.
256
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:09,000
Why don't you just go
by Roger?
257
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,502
There is no Roger.
258
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,637
Roger is just a collection
of phony persona's
259
00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:14,606
to cover up
an emptiness inside.
260
00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:15,874
You're not empty inside.
261
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,709
You've just forgotten
who you are
262
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:20,311
'cause you spend so much time
being other people.
263
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:23,281
So what's a person do when
they've forgotten who they are?
264
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,783
You could...
265
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,484
volunteer
for something.
266
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,953
They say the best way
to find yourself
267
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,855
is in the service
of others.
268
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,123
"Awareness.
269
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,892
A-where's yours?"
270
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,326
(chuckles)
That's clever.
271
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,728
This speaks to me.
272
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:39,164
That's the flier
for Meredith's charity gala.
273
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,566
I don't think
you should be around the woman
274
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,835
who's got you wearing a mop
on your head.
275
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,870
She's exactly
who I should be around,
276
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,839
'cause she knows
exactly who she is.
277
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,541
Ooh,
phone jack installation.
278
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:52,043
This guy sounds like he knows
who he is as well.
279
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,212
Hmm, so it's down
to these two.
280
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,647
Piano lessons?!
281
00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:58,016
Wait, don't park
in the CVS parking lot?
282
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,819
This board is just knocking
my socks off!
283
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,556
Okay, so...
284
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,925
you take
your water bottle, okay,
285
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,427
and you just slide
the label on.
286
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,996
There.
You just raised awareness.
287
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:14,065
I think I felt it.
288
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,701
Oh.
Your bungee cord belt.
289
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:17,669
(groans)
290
00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:20,038
Look at your
neat belt!
291
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,073
Seems to have traveled
on you.
292
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,174
Thank you!
293
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,909
And thank you
for your help.
294
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,878
Awareness
is the first step
295
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,215
before thinking about caring
about a specific thing.
296
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:32,117
You crawl
before you walk.
297
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,518
Walk before you run.
298
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,286
Pee before you sex!
299
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:38,089
(laughs)
Someone's got spunk!
300
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,725
You're gonna do
just fine.
301
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,293
(laughs) Oh!
302
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,362
That means so much coming
from someone like you.
303
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,931
Sometimes, I don't have
a lot of confidence.
304
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:49,534
Don't be silly.
You can be whoever you want.
305
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:50,902
You're so kind.
306
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,004
May I give you something?
307
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,208
Well,
what do we have here?
308
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,343
Triangle.
309
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:05,316
Now, isn't that a curious way
to look at someone.
310
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:07,819
(Reel 2 Real's
"I Like to Move It" playing)
311
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,988
Why didn't the pizza guy
help us?
312
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,923
'Cause Klaus
didn't tip him.
313
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,091
An apple is a tip.
314
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,225
(doorbell rings)
315
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,327
Thank God, somebody's here!
Help!
316
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,629
Yeah, party people!
317
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,798
Help yourselves
to some pizza.
318
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,833
If anyone knows
how to make Jell-O shots,
319
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,468
there's a half handle
of Popov.
320
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,336
Klaus, who the hell
are these people?
321
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,239
Oh, just some people I know
through my friend Craig.
322
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,508
You might know him.
He has his own list.
323
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:33,778
You invited perverts
from Craigslist into my house?
324
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,780
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
325
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:37,415
¶ Ya like to move it ¶
326
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,284
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
327
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:40,585
Babe!
328
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:42,120
Dealing with my own
thing here, Jeff.
329
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,121
My glasses!
330
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,322
¶ Ya like to move it ¶
331
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,291
What's happening?!
Something's wet!
332
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:49,327
Oh, God!
Something's wet!
333
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,263
Nice to see you smiling again
and not starting fires.
334
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,299
Did you do something
to your hair?
335
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,267
It looks like
Meredith's, right?
336
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,236
She says I can be
just like her.
337
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,174
Don't forget --
338
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,476
You're supposed to be finding
yourself!
339
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:06,811
Yeah, yeah.
340
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,513
Meredith! Meredith!
341
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,682
Meredith!
Meredith, hi!
342
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,483
Oh.
Oh, it's you.
343
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:13,718
Is that my scarf?
344
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,653
Did you change
your hair?
345
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:16,888
I don't think so.
346
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,122
Do you like it?!
347
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,891
I have the same haircut.
348
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:21,793
Uh, Mer, I've got
the band leader on the phone.
349
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:23,895
I wrote some songs about
awareness. You want to hear 'em?
350
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:26,164
You're probably already thinking
'em 'cause we're so similar.
351
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,165
Oh, my God, that's so us!
352
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:28,666
-Meredith?
-Yes?
353
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,368
Yes? I mean -- I mean,
why are you asking me?
354
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,904
I'm not Meredith.
We have to move up
the news plug.
355
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:35,206
Did you think I was Meredith?
Do I look like Meredith?
They need you on the air
in five.
356
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,808
Meredith, we've got
big banner problems.
357
00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:38,209
Not now.
I'm in the middle of something.
358
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,545
Please,
can you give us some space?
359
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,914
Yes, can you all
give us some space?
360
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,148
Oh, right, sure.
361
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:46,351
I'll -- I'll just go
busy myself...
362
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,087
in our trash.
363
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,723
That Dumpster's got to be
around here somewhere.
364
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:54,192
Oh! Maybe it's in Meredith's
master bedroom.
365
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,760
I'll just take a quick peek.
366
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:01,833
(smooches)
367
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,339
What are you doing?!
368
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,340
Mer-Mer?
369
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,541
Is that my negligee?
370
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:11,542
I'm so sorry.
371
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,011
I just admire you so much,
372
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,013
and I saw it,
and -- and -- and --
373
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,681
Oh, promise me
you're not mad!
374
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,116
What?!
I'm extremely mad!
375
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,784
We don't even
know each other.
376
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,753
-I mean, what's your name?
-Meredith.
377
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,121
But that's my name.
378
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,422
I know!
379
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,124
You told me I could be
whoever I want.
380
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,191
And I chose you.
381
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:28,359
But I'm me.
382
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,028
Mm, sorry.
You're already taken.
383
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,629
I'd like you
to leave right now.
384
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,564
And I'd like you
to give me your pants,
385
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,600
because we're so obviously
the same size.
386
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,101
Why are you acting
like this?
387
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,770
Gee, I don't know,
Meredith two.
388
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,306
Maybe it's because
I'm standing here
389
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,574
in my delicates
like a crazy person!
390
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:44,776
(grunting)
391
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,478
Oh, my God!
She's out cold!
392
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,614
What have I done?
What do I do?
393
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,250
What would Meredith do?
394
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,618
Of course.
395
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,854
The answer's
right in front of me.
396
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,733
(doorbell rings)
397
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:09,901
Why, hello there!
398
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:11,402
Sorry to bother,
399
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,671
but I'm looking
for one of your volunteers.
400
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,807
She didn't come home
last night.
401
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,842
ROGER (as Meredith):
Who's at the door, dear?
402
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:18,910
Oh, no.
403
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:21,646
Well,
I'll leave you two.
404
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,649
I'm gonna go
brush my teeth.
405
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,852
Small circles,
light pressure.
406
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,487
(both moaning)
407
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,928
Roger, what the hell
did you do?
408
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:38,196
Where's Meredith?!
409
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,498
Francine,
everything's fine now.
410
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,134
I put her on a barge,
and now I'm her.
411
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,535
A barge?
412
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,637
You can't take
someone's life like this!
413
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,973
Why? Can't it just be like
when we were kids?
414
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:50,641
Oh, Franny,
we'd draw pictures
415
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,311
with red oceans and green skies
and be who we wanted!
416
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,013
And then play
in the sprinklers
417
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,714
till Mama called us
for supper.
418
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:59,283
Are you having a stroke
right now?
419
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,519
Forget it.
I'm stopping this.
420
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,221
That's barge talk,
Francine.
421
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:06,157
Roger, I am not going
to sit here and --
422
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,494
(fog horn blares)
423
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:13,031
Son of a bitch.
He barged me.
424
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,667
Meredith,
are you okay?
425
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:19,670
Some lunatic kidnapped me
and dumped me here.
426
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:21,372
Yeah, that's my friend.
427
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:24,876
She's stolen your life.
She's running your gala.
428
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:30,014
Oh, and she may be having
relations with your husband.
429
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:32,183
No! My gala!
430
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,218
(Reel 2 Real's
"I Like to Move It" playing)
431
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,087
Klaus, you've got to stop
this party.
432
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:37,922
The perverts
have become emboldened.
433
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:40,224
You've proven your point.
You have a crew, okay?
434
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,759
Now stop this!
435
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,595
I don't know what's happening,
but I think I'm moving!
436
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,497
Tell me it's a good guy,
please.
437
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:47,698
Even if it's not true.
438
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,434
(doll squeaks)
439
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,836
Stan, Hayley, Steve, Jeff!
440
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:52,837
Trey!
Trey!
Trey!
Trey!
441
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:54,205
Do I hear Coach Trey?
442
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:58,176
Party's over.
Now pump up my workout jam.
443
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,044
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
444
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:02,213
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
445
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:04,082
¶ Ya like to move it ¶
446
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,783
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
447
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:08,186
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
448
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,188
¶ I like to move it, move it ¶
449
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,689
¶ Ya like to move it ¶
450
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,424
Personal record.
451
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,126
How did you know
we were in trouble?
452
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,295
After you didn't show up
for your second workout,
453
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:19,297
I figured something like this
had happened.
454
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,865
A lot of first-time
CrossFitters
455
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,366
end up so sore
they can't move.
456
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:24,068
It's the roofie
of physical fitness.
457
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:25,736
You should tell people that
when they sign up.
458
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,138
Hey, no problem.
459
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:29,607
Now, I got to go back
to my other job...
460
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,943
As a terrible
marine biologist.
461
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:35,113
See ya in the box!
462
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,448
That's what we call
the gym!
463
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,650
(classical music playing)
464
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:42,553
[ Drill whirring ]
465
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,659
It's me --
Jerry the dentist!
466
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,128
(cheers and applause)
467
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,929
But tonight is not about me.
468
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,732
Or the number-one
family dental practice
469
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:57,568
in the Langley-Langston-Chimdale
triangle.
470
00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:58,970
(scattered applause)
471
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:01,973
Tonight is about my wife.
472
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:06,110
I give you
Meredith Fields.
473
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:09,113
¶¶
474
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:11,582
(cheers and applause)
475
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:19,390
Where does awareness come from?
476
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,961
Tell us!
Tell us where!
477
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,663
The sky!
Everyone look up!
478
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:29,500
Get him!
479
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,769
(sirens wailing)
480
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:38,709
Maniacs!
481
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,383
Hold it right there,
imposter!
482
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,418
I'm not the imposter!
She is!
483
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,027
Hey!
484
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:01,799
(sighs)
485
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,467
Back to being nobody,
I guess.
486
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:05,870
Oh, hey, Franny.
How was the barge?
487
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,004
Honestly...
488
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,239
pretty great.
489
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,707
Listen, I'm sorry.
490
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,343
I know I went too far,
but being Meredith,
491
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:15,012
it just felt so good
to be someone real.
492
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:17,415
But you were nothing
like Meredith.
493
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,483
I didn't even
do that right.
494
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:20,985
You were you.
495
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:23,688
You're always you,
no matter who you're playing.
496
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,156
'Cause the real Roger
497
00:20:25,158 --> 00:20:27,825
is at the core
of all your characters.
498
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:31,262
You are real selfish
and real horny
499
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:34,832
and real violent
and real sensitive.
500
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:37,101
And just really...
501
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,070
Really amazing.
502
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,338
Do you mean it?
503
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,506
Do you honestly
think I'm horny?
504
00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:45,343
The horniest.
505
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,544
Thank you, Franny.
506
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:48,746
You're not so
not horny yourself.
507
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,081
Where's the criminal?
508
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,616
He's not a criminal.
509
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:54,185
Unless it's a crime
to bleed silver and black.
510
00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:55,753
Raider Dave!
511
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,956
This is our year!
Raider Nation will rise again!
512
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:02,193
(whooping)
513
00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,161
Bye-bye! See you soon!