1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,336
(Tennessee Ernie Ford's
"Shenandoah" playing)
2
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:09,875
¶ Oh, Shenandoah ¶
3
00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:17,216
¶ I hear you calling ¶
4
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:21,153
¶ Hi-o ¶
5
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:27,126
(thunder crashes)
¶ You rolling river ¶
6
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:30,062
¶ Oh, Shenandoah ¶
7
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:32,998
(patriotic music plays)
8
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,833
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
9
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,735
(static)
10
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:39,505
(high-pitched tone playing)
11
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:44,476
¶ She's a mighty river ¶
12
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:48,714
¶ Hi-o ¶
13
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:54,887
¶ You rolling river ¶
14
00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,855
(thunder crashes)
15
00:00:56,857 --> 00:01:00,359
¶ When she rolls down ¶
16
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:05,864
¶ Her topsails shiver ¶
17
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,767
(rattling)
18
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:15,507
(clanking)
19
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,243
(thunder crashes)
20
00:01:32,093 --> 00:01:35,094
(wind howling)
21
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,305
(thunder crashes)
22
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:47,606
(glass shatters)
23
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,807
(shing!)
24
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,542
(rattling)
25
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:54,913
(growls)
26
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,116
Stan, don't!
It's me -- Principal Lewis!
27
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,250
Where's my family?!
28
00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,119
I don't know where they are.
29
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:02,721
I swear!
To the old Gods and the new!
30
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,157
(fire crackling)
31
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,459
Fire's a bad idea.
32
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,894
Relax, Stan.
33
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,829
There's two of us,
and it's nice and warm.
34
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,598
Your clothes
are soaked through.
35
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,966
You need to dry 'em out.
36
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,670
(thunder crashes)
37
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,673
Ooh, sexy.
38
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:26,912
(thunder crashes)
39
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:29,948
If you weren't here with
your family, where were you?
40
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:32,417
You know,
when the blast happened?
41
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:35,154
On a mission.
South America.
42
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,156
(whistles)
That's a long walk.
43
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:39,625
You run into the Two Hundred
out there?
44
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,026
I hear they're brutal.
45
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:44,530
No, but I've seen
what they've done.
46
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:47,966
Cool. Hey, you, uh, seems
like a lot of people
47
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,702
are doing that thing
where they eat other people.
48
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,504
(laughing)
I mean, isn't that wild?
49
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,439
But also maybe
understandable, hmm?
50
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:57,376
You, uh, done any of that?
51
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:58,377
Nope.
52
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,546
(laughs) Me neither!
53
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,281
You passed my test!
54
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:04,483
Now I feel
like I can relax.
55
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:05,751
Look out!
56
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:10,355
I thought I saw
a murderous road bandit,
57
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:11,790
but it was just a moth.
58
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:17,029
So tell me, what's your
feeling about tattoos?
59
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:19,231
They should be covered
in the workplace.
60
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,632
Come on, Stan!
61
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,834
And what's with
that huge-ass hummingbird?
62
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,503
It's a falcon.
63
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:27,005
It was the end
of fishing season.
64
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,041
And the sun.
65
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:31,810
I can remember how warm
it felt on my face.
66
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,213
Aah!
My face is so hot!
67
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,381
Why don't you wear
a hat?
68
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,816
Great idea, Hayley.
69
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,519
Maybe don't look directly
at the sun.
70
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,854
Oh, you'd just love for me
to miss another eclipse.
71
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,190
Why did you want to come
on this trip so bad again?
72
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:48,327
Yeah, don't you have,
like, a moral objection
73
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,028
to fishing or something?
74
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:54,633
Oh, my God, can I stop myself?
75
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:59,104
(falcon shrieks)
76
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,240
This is nice.
77
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:02,774
You know,
I asked to come along
78
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,210
because, well, it's actually
pretty rare that we --
79
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:07,045
Talk quieter.
You're scaring the fish.
80
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,580
-it's just rare that --
-Quieter.
81
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,048
-it's so rare --
-Too quiet!
82
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:12,417
It sounds like you're
conspiring against the fish.
83
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,919
You're making them
paranoid!
84
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,054
I was saying we never spend
any time together!
85
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,623
Well, they're
definitely gone now!
86
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,057
First you eat all my drivin'
pickles on the way up,
87
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,592
and now this!
88
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,628
Wasn't there some sort of
protest you could have gone to
89
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,029
instead of ruining
my fishing trip?!
90
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,297
A protest?
91
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:27,599
How 'bout I do a protest
right here?
92
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,901
Live free!
93
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,236
(falcon shrieks)
94
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,972
Whoa.
Well, you live free!
95
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,741
(falcon shrieks)
96
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:38,610
This one, though,
definitely lives free.
97
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,912
(falcon shrieks)
98
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:43,048
WOMAN ON RADIO:
...Considered overbudget.
99
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:45,250
Still, the LQL insists
that Langley Falls'
100
00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:48,120
very own Hadron Collider
will meet its opening deadline.
101
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,091
Shut up, Klaus!
102
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,661
(thunder crashes)
103
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:59,765
All she wanted was to spend
a little time together.
104
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:00,966
I was a fool.
105
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,302
So you got the tattoo...
106
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:04,836
As penance.
107
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,606
And a reminder of what
I'd try to do differently,
108
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:10,442
if I'm ever lucky enough
to see my family again.
109
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,944
Fire's dying down.
110
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,413
All this talk of fish.
111
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,948
I never touched the stuff
before the blast,
112
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,617
but now
I'd kill for one.
113
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:21,453
Man, I'd eat those worms
if they were here right now.
114
00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:22,688
(laughs)
115
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:25,023
It's amazing the things
you'll eat...
116
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,092
If you get hungry enough.
117
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,327
(thunder rumbles)
118
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:30,162
I'm not a killer, Stan.
119
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,930
I just want a slice.
120
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,765
Hyah!
121
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,167
(grunting)
122
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,335
(glass shatters)
123
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:37,536
LEWIS: Did I get ya?
124
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:38,770
Ya gotta say something
if I gotcha!
125
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,707
Them's
apocalypse rules!
126
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,542
Stan, I thought
that was you!
127
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:44,876
Aah! Quiet, Greg!
128
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,111
I was looking out
my basement window...
129
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,146
-Shh.
-...and I said to myself,
130
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,981
'cause that's who
I talk to these days.
You have to stop talking.
131
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,283
I said, "I think
that's Stan Smith."
Please shut up!
132
00:05:51,285 --> 00:05:52,551
I didn't think
I'd ever see you again
133
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,786
after your family left.
-Be quiet!
134
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,121
You have a lot of tattoos.
Wait, what? Do you know
where my family went?
135
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,056
Oh, yeah. But we shouldn't
talk out in the open
136
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,058
because Principal Lewis
has been prowling around,
137
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,294
and you would not believe
what he's been getting up to.
138
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:05,997
All I wanted was a taste!
139
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,100
We're cool now!
So be cool!
140
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,938
I can't look.
Did he get me?
141
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,377
Last I saw Francine
and the kids,
142
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,045
they were leaving
for the New Haven.
143
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,747
-in Connecticut?
-No.
144
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,749
The New Haven is a safe zone
a hundred miles west of here.
145
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:26,017
If they were
in New Haven, Connecticut,
146
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,086
they'd be dead already...
Of boredom!
147
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,688
J.K.
I've never been there.
148
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,056
I just think it's more
important now than ever
149
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,524
to try to laugh.
150
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,493
What's this tattoo here?
Looks like a doily.
151
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:35,894
I don't want
to talk about it.
152
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,029
Okay.
I'm feeling pretty weak.
153
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,198
Maybe I'll just
sleep a little.
154
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,567
It was
a particularly warm June.
155
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,737
I can still recall the light,
sweet smell of Jasmine
156
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,873
that lingered
in the summer air.
157
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,408
It's a thousand degrees!
158
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,610
I'm sweating
like a razorback hog!
159
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:54,379
It's really cool that you want
to do this with me, Dad.
160
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,515
Why can't I stretch again?
-It's no good.
161
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,850
You gotta keep those muscles
tight and ready.
162
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,019
Don't let the tendons
get all loosey-goosey
163
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,187
like some spaghetti man.
164
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,723
Sons and fathers,
on your marks!
165
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:07,125
All right, Steve,
as you know, first prize
166
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,594
is a refurbished Hamilton
Beach panini press.
167
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,297
With a little ciabatta
and a little gabagool,
168
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:15,367
I'll be mangia-ing my way
straight to mama-mia-ville.
169
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:16,835
(gunshot)
170
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:22,073
Speed it up!
171
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:25,277
Aah! I think
I sprained my ankle!
172
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:26,578
It's just a twist!
173
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,114
There was a rusty nail
in one of the tires,
174
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,483
and now my jaw feels
like it's locking up!
175
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,318
It's just tetanus!
176
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:38,290
I'm really having
a hard time
177
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,292
putting weight
on this foot!
178
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:42,594
I don't think
I can go on!
179
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,296
And I don't think
I can go another day
180
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,664
eating sandwiches
that make my mouth cold!
181
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:46,731
Now, pick it up!
182
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:49,067
Aah!
183
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,503
Oh, God, look at him
flat on the ground,
184
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,472
like
a pressed hot sandwich.
185
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:57,242
But why
is the tattoo a doily?
186
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:58,643
His leg was broken.
187
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,011
He spent the whole summer
laid up on the couch,
188
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,246
learning to knit.
189
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,614
He made doilies,
190
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,749
each one finer
and lacier than the last.
191
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:06,485
It was a nightmare.
192
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,954
If I'd just carried him,
like I'm carrying you now...
193
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,622
(rustling)
194
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,257
Oh, cute, a rabbit.
195
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:13,458
(bones crack)
196
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:14,926
Oh, cute, a dinner.
197
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,696
MAN: Damn. I thought
it'd be somethin' bigger.
198
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:20,198
Or someone.
199
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,768
Run for your lives!
200
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,203
Is -- is it the --
201
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,839
It's the Two Hundred!
They're coming!
202
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,208
(footsteps stomping)
203
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,010
-Go! Go!
-Get out of here!
204
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,345
-(screaming)
-Get out of here!
205
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,547
Stan, before
the Two Hundred kills us,
206
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,115
I want to tell you
207
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,384
that you were often
an inconsiderate neighbor.
208
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:43,688
(singsong voice)
It's the Two Hundred!
209
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,056
Clear out y'all!
210
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,292
You'll run faster
without your stu-uff.
211
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:48,527
Roger!
212
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,797
We have to get moving!
The Two Hundred are coming.
213
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,299
Oh, no,
there's no Two Hundred.
214
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,902
Made 'em up.
I just walk around,
215
00:08:56,904 --> 00:09:00,305
do a creepy "Waah waah,
the Two Hundred are coming!"
216
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:01,973
They scatter.
I get the stuff.
217
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,509
It's mostly tin plates,
a lot of spoons.
218
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:07,245
I have so many spoons now,
I'm like the Little Mermaid.
219
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,047
Oh, my God, Stan!
How are you?
220
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,815
And what's this
on the back?
221
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,350
-It's a Greg.
-Oh, right.
222
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,986
Greg, you remember my...
Uncle Roger?
223
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,588
Stan, no.
That's all done now.
224
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,056
We live
in a changed world.
225
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,524
There's no need
for characters.
226
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:20,859
I'm just a man in rags.
227
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:22,861
Whose name is Clifton.
-Hi, Clifton!
228
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:26,031
We're heading to the New Haven
to find Francine and the kids.
229
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,766
Ooh!
I haven't seen them in ages!
230
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,234
Not since the blast.
231
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,936
I'm coming with -- wait,
is Steve gonna be there?
232
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:33,371
I pray to God that he is.
233
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,174
Guh.
I still owe him 60 bucks.
234
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,243
But, like, he's not gonna care
about that anymore, right?
235
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,645
And maybe he's dead!
I am coming with you.
236
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:46,017
I mean, sure, I could pay
Steve back in spoons,
237
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,720
but nowadays one spoon
is worth more than $60.
238
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,589
How would he
even give me change?
239
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,424
What, like
a tiny, little spoon?
240
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,292
Oh, my God,
that sounds amazing!
241
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:57,095
Let's rescue the tiny spoon
and the boy who has it!
242
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,599
Let's hop on!
243
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,034
These tracks go
right to the New Haven.
244
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,202
It's on fire.
245
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:05,704
I guess
we can hang around here
246
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,472
and see if those
wild dogs are friendly.
247
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,475
(growling, barking)
248
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,883
(grunts)
249
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,087
(barking, growling resumes)
250
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,222
We did this
in the wrong order.
251
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,958
Goodbye, Greg!
No hard feelings! (laughs)
252
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,060
-Damn it.
-Don't beat yourself up.
253
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,229
He was a liability
slowing us down.
254
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,164
(panting)
255
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:36,835
Ah! You did it!
Somehow.
256
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:40,071
We're so...glad.
257
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:43,842
Boy, that blast.
258
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:46,311
I don't remember
any of it.
259
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:49,147
Was it a blast?
Like the party kind?
260
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,916
I-I just think
it's more important now
261
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,752
than ever to try to laugh.
262
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:54,786
Hey, me too.
263
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,921
Hey!
I'm haunted by memories.
264
00:10:56,923 --> 00:11:01,326
So, Stan, we haven't talked
about all these tattoos.
265
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,528
Could I ask...
that we don't?
266
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,864
Why the garbage can tattoo
you ask?
267
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,465
-No.
-It was a Thursday morning.
268
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,134
Trash day.
269
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,803
We were having a very hot
August, which was unusual.
270
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:14,039
Unusual? August --
August is -- what?
271
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,340
August is always hot.
272
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,342
Francine was sleeping
like an angel.
273
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,877
(garbage truck beeping)
274
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,278
Stan, did you remember
275
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,280
to put the garbage cans out
this time?
276
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,615
I'm in the shower!
277
00:11:23,617 --> 00:11:24,883
And no-o-o!
278
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:31,823
Come back!
279
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,793
This is two weeks' worth
of trash!
280
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,796
My husband keeps forgetting
to take it to the curb!
281
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:46,304
¶¶
282
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:08,760
Francine Smith.
283
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,495
I just want
to let you know
284
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:13,598
that my husband watches you
from our upstairs window.
285
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:18,570
(brakes screech)
286
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:28,279
Why would anyone go out
in this heat?
287
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:31,616
If Francine is there
at the end of all this,
288
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,418
I'll make it up to her.
289
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,855
She'll never carry trash again,
unless I forget for real.
290
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,325
Gimme food
or the cripple gets it.
291
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:45,730
We just left Greg!
292
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,732
I could tell that guy
was coming for the spoons,
293
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,701
and I've worked too hard
and too long to --
294
00:12:49,703 --> 00:12:51,870
Aw, crap, I left my spoons
on the train!
295
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,271
Greg's dead.
296
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,206
As he should be.
He was the weakest --
297
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,708
Hey, guys!
298
00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:57,876
I managed to wrestle away
his knife and kill him.
299
00:12:57,878 --> 00:12:59,277
This isn't my blood.
300
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,479
Could I finish
what I was saying, please?
301
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:05,049
Weakest link.
Greg is the weakest link.
302
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,985
I got your spoons.
303
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,360
No.
304
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,132
(man grunts)
305
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,634
What happened?
306
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,302
It was a massacre.
307
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,603
No survivors.
308
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,105
My family was here.
309
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,807
Is there any chance
they made it out alive?
310
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,910
What did I just say?
Ugh.
311
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,578
Oh, no, Stan.
312
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,146
This looks
like Francine's locket.
313
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,918
I'm...too late.
314
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,586
But I'm right on time!
315
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,787
Aaah!
316
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,589
You big, black bitch!
317
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:53,198
I bet you all think
I'm some kind of a monster,
318
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,666
just 'cause
I'm a cannibal now.
319
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:57,135
That's what these
delicious jerks are sayin'.
320
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,370
I think you're great.
I'm nuts about ya.
321
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,973
Stan, snap out of it!
We gotta get out of here.
322
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,341
This guy is gonna eat us.
323
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,945
See ya,
wouldn't wanna be ya.
324
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:10,181
(sighs) What?
325
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,717
It was just
a normal breakfast...
326
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,186
Can't we just enjoy our ride
in the cage cart?
327
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,688
...except
I was about to leave
328
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,523
on a perilous mission
to South America
329
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,458
that I knew I might not
come back from.
330
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,394
I wanted to tell them
I loved them, but I couldn't.
331
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:24,729
'Cause I never do.
332
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,332
They would've known
something was wrong,
333
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:28,900
and they
would've worried.
334
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:31,836
In that moment, I wanted to say
how much they meant to me.
335
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:34,005
I wanted to say
how much I regretted
336
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,074
letting things
get to this point,
337
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:39,177
where them hearing "I love you"
from me would be weird.
338
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:42,981
I wanted to say all those
things, but instead I said...
339
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:46,317
(voice breaking) See ya,
wouldn't wanna be ya!
340
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,555
Those are the last words
I ever said to them.
341
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,757
I wasn't with them
when the blast hit.
342
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,759
I wasn't with them
when they needed me.
343
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,027
And now they're dead.
344
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,829
And I want to be dead,
too!
345
00:14:57,831 --> 00:14:59,998
Shoot me, Lewis!
I'm beggin' ya!
346
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,166
Stan,
you're stressin' me out!
347
00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:06,004
Lucky for you,
I'm a stress eater.
348
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,540
(falcon shrieks)
349
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:10,541
What the hell?!
350
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:11,676
(falcon shrieks)
351
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,011
-Aah!
-(horse neighs)
352
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:16,281
(heroic music plays)
353
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,217
Never bring a gun
to a bird fight.
354
00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,586
Baby girl!
You're alive!
355
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,755
And you continued
your interest in falcons!
356
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,890
I wouldn't come
any closer.
357
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:29,027
Oh, I appreciate the advice,
but --
358
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,229
-Net!
-Aah!
359
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:34,065
Steve! Little Steve!
360
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,067
That took me three months
to knit!
361
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:39,137
My kids are alive!
And capable!
362
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,972
And the cart's moving!
363
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:44,742
LEWIS: So strong,
I can't get a tear goin'.
364
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,210
(dramatic music plays)
365
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:49,480
(Greg, Roger screaming)
366
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,483
(grunting)
367
00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:01,059
It's too heavy, Dad!
368
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,427
We can't stop it!
369
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:05,930
It's okay, kids.
You can let go.
370
00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,265
He doesn't speak
for the cart!
371
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,067
Take care of each other.
372
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,070
(heroic music plays)
Francine!
373
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:15,406
Thanks to you always hiding
in the bathroom on trash day,
374
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:19,143
I have a powerful set of
the muscles I'm using now.
375
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,611
(grunting)
376
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,647
(smooching)
377
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,083
(strained)
In a minute, Stan.
378
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,755
I thought you were dead
when I found the locket.
379
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,991
You never take it off.
It's too precious to you.
380
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,425
I traded it
for flip-flops.
381
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,661
There were communal showers
at New Haven.
382
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:37,996
Which is why
we left New Haven.
383
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,430
Couldn't do it.
384
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,866
Now that we're reunited,
I want to say something
385
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:44,002
I couldn't bring myself
to say before.
386
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,603
(inhales)
387
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,672
I would like to see ya.
388
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,507
And I would want
to be ya.
389
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,776
Is that
what you wanted to say?
Don't rush me.
390
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,611
There'll be plenty of time
for that later.
391
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,880
(laughs)
You all think you're safe?
392
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:59,517
You think I'm alone?
(whistles)
393
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,987
(ominous music plays)
394
00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:06,124
(crowd chants)
395
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,625
I love you guys so much.
396
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:11,929
It's time we feast.
Take them.
397
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,200
It's the
T-T-T-Two Hundred!
398
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,369
Nonsense!
I made the Two Hundred up.
399
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,071
They don't exist.
Whaaa?
400
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,842
HAYLEY:
Two hundred Rogers?
401
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,477
ROGER: Two hundred mes?
402
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,980
I don't underst--
oh, right. I remember.
403
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:32,884
MAN: Welcome, Mrs. Houlihan's
sixth grade class,
404
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,987
to our brand-new
Hadron Collider.
405
00:17:35,989 --> 00:17:38,423
This is where we shoot
sub-atomic particles
406
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,690
at fantastic speeds.
407
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,192
And you kids are in luck,
408
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,728
because today we're shooting
our first beam.
409
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,430
First beam!
410
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:47,532
Now, kids,
if you look through here,
411
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,234
you can actually see
inside the collider tunnel.
412
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,537
-Can we go in there?
-Good Lord, no!
413
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,572
That would be wildly dangerous.
414
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,407
But he's in there.
415
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,943
Sorry!
I dropped my Ray-Bans.
416
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,445
(metallic humming)
What's that sound?
417
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:03,014
The beam!
It's starting!
418
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:04,348
Ouch!
419
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,350
Something really, really small
just hit me.
420
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:07,952
Ouch! And again!
421
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,454
Ow.
422
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:10,721
Ow.
423
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:13,124
Ow.
-Dear God.
424
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,459
-Ow!
-(cries)
425
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,260
Ow! Ow!
426
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,530
Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow,
ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!
427
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:20,865
I feel like
I'm gonna fart.
428
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,100
(farts)
429
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:26,437
Come on, man.
Just a little wind.
430
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,606
Yeah!
431
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:36,581
Oh! They were hitting me
with bosons.
432
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:39,117
Yeah, yeah,
you can't do that.
433
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,586
The particle impact
caused my personas to split
434
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:43,654
and form separate
physical entities,
435
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,923
which released
a cataclysmic energy burst.
436
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,091
I apologize, everyone.
437
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,459
I'm the one
who ended the world.
438
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,061
Saved these babies,
though.
439
00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:52,296
Aw, damn it,
there's a crack in them.
440
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:55,833
(mob screams)
441
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,768
-Jeannie Gold!
-Tom Yabo!
442
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,937
-Genevieve Vavance!
-Braff Zacklin!
443
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,973
-Roy Rogers McFreely!
-Kevin Bacon!
444
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,008
-Horse Renoir!
-Chex LeMeneux!
445
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,776
-Clive Trotter!
-Miles Raymond!
446
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:08,412
-The Phantom of the Telethon!
-Cleshawn Montegue!
447
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:11,015
-Captain Francois Dubonet!
-Roland Chang!
448
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,817
General Juanito Pequeño!
449
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,520
Ricky Spanish!
450
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:17,688
-Max Jets!
-Jenny Fromdabloc!
451
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:20,191
-Frankie Carconni!
-Ruby Zeldastein!
452
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,826
-Uncle Roger!
-Dr. Penguin!
453
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,928
-Jojo Quinoa!
-Michael Corbin!
454
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:26,197
-The Legman!
-Dan Ansome Handsome!
455
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:28,599
-Arbuckle T. Boone!
-Lazlo Morphine!
456
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,635
-Shalonda Dykes!
-Dom Fikowski!
457
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:33,471
-Dimitri Garabedian!
-Morris Buttermaker!
458
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:35,973
-Sidney Huffman!
-Reaganomics Lamborghini!
459
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,942
-Martin Sugar!
-Burt Jarvis!
460
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,944
-Cuss Mustard!
-Frank Slade!
461
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,713
-Abigail Lemonparty!
-Twill Ongenbone!
462
00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:45,783
And who could forget Clip Clop!
463
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:48,319
Are they...
on our side?
464
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,989
Kevi-i-i-i-i-n Ramage!
465
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,291
Aah!
466
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:54,825
They are not
on our side.
467
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,795
(screaming continues)
468
00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:02,066
I think we all knew
it would end this way.
469
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,702
(growling)
470
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:08,406
Did somebody order the fish?
471
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,241
Whooooo!
472
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,482
(birds chirping)
473
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:21,085
And that's the end
of the story.
474
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,186
(children laughing)
475
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:25,489
¶¶
476
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,440
Grandpa, how come
you never talk about
477
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:43,941
what happened
in the battle?
478
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,010
'Cause grandpa didn't
have a great view
479
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:47,245
from his hiding spot.
480
00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:49,013
But that's not
what's important.
481
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,015
What's important
is that every day,
482
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:54,719
we take a moment and tell
the people we care about...
483
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:58,055
"Don't let Roger
in a Hadron Collider!"
484
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:02,093
I need to be watched
very closely.
485
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:03,995
Bye!
Have a beautiful time!