1
00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:03,302
And now, Dickie Dobbins,
2
00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:04,970
with the channel 3
Doppler 12,000
3
00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:07,506
Accu-Climate
Weather-Plus Forecast.
4
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,775
We got more record heat
movin' in.
5
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,877
My guess is it's from Eurasia,
6
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,512
or even, possibly,
7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,382
the Dark Continent.
8
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,650
That's where Miss Maisie
comes from.
9
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,386
She raised me.
10
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,687
Jesus, Dickie.
(nervous chuckle)
11
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,822
it's -- it's important
to remember
12
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:25,557
old Dickie comes
from a different era.
13
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,725
Right, Terry?
14
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,627
Oh, that's right.
15
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:32,464
Sometimes I forget
(tearfully) that he's gone.
16
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,634
As the week-long
beat wave continues --
17
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,136
beat wave?
What's a beat wave?
18
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:39,705
As the heat wave --
sorry -- continues --
19
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,541
(sobs)
20
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,209
I just hate
seeing Greg like this.
21
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,178
Guy's been a mess
ever since Terry
22
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,580
dumped him and left town
to follow 311 on tour.
23
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:49,815
You know what?
24
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,350
Greg needs a new man,
25
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,252
and I'm gonna
help him find one.
26
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,553
Why?
27
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,655
Because that's
what you do for friends.
28
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,924
At least, that's what
I do for friends.
29
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:02,027
In high school, my nickname
was Superfriend.
30
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:05,364
Actually,
it was Supermouth.
31
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:06,865
Actually, it was
Suckmachine.
32
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,334
They called me
Stan The Man.
33
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:12,237
There was a girl
in my class named Stan.
34
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,174
(band plays)
35
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:18,110
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
36
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:21,547
¶ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶
37
00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:24,450
¶ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ¶
38
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:28,187
¶ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ¶
39
00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:34,193
¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶
40
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,428
¶ Good -- ¶
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
41
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,596
Aah!
42
00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:42,267
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
43
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:45,037
(tranquil tune plays)
44
00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:47,306
Just a little
more pepper.
45
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,907
Greg's coming
up the driveway!
46
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,076
Aah! Aaaaaaah!
47
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,811
Now, remember --
48
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:54,446
We're pumping him
for information
49
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,148
about his perfect guy
50
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,283
so we can find someone
to set him up with.
51
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,419
It's actually
the perfect temperature.
52
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,554
Can someone toss me a tecate?
-I'll tell you
53
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,823
what my perfect man
would be if I was gay.
54
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,493
He'd have smooth,
soft skin,
55
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:08,827
long, shiny hair,
56
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,629
a narrow waist
and wide hips,
57
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,598
forming the shape
of an hourglass.
58
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,800
Pouty lips,
big doe eyes.
59
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,302
A musical,
high-pitched voice.
60
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,606
Large, supple, breast-like
pectoral muscles.
61
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:21,974
And huge balls.
62
00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:23,609
Something you can really
grab onto.
63
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:24,676
Stan!
64
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,745
Oh, we're
at dinner now.
65
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,280
Thank you so much
for having me.
66
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,748
It's nice to get out
of the house.
67
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,116
Our pleasure.
68
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:33,785
Now, what would you
like for dessert,
69
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:37,356
a bear claw
or a twink-ie?
70
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:40,092
Or maybe
Asian dessert?
71
00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:41,760
We haven't even
eaten dinner yet.
72
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,262
Okay, then,
let's start with salad.
73
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,763
Would you like your
dressing on the top
74
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,932
of your salad,
or on the bottom?
75
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,600
How would you put it
on the bottom?
76
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,638
Okay, what are you two
up to?
77
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,306
All right.
The truth is
78
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,508
we were trying
to figure out your type
79
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,843
so we could set you up.
80
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,279
You just seem so down
ever since Terry left.
81
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,948
Oh.
That's sweet of you.
82
00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:05,384
I admit, I do miss Terry
as a life partner,
83
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,519
but to be honest,
I miss him more right now
84
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,555
as a work partner.
85
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:10,956
I'm -- I'm sorry.
That -- that probably
86
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,524
didn't exactly warrant
a spit-take.
87
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,293
Kind of jumped the gun
there. Go on.
88
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,962
What makes a reporter,
journalistic integrity?
89
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,664
Ha!
It's the banter!
90
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:21,033
But you can't just plug anybody
into that other chair.
91
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:23,702
You need chemistry
and chemistry is hard.
92
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,137
Tell me about it.
93
00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:27,239
I burned down my school
in chemistry class.
94
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:30,075
My school experience
was pretty flaming, too,
95
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:32,010
if you know what I mean.
(chuckle)
96
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,712
I bet you were quite
the fire-starter.
97
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,980
Just call me
young Drew Barrymore.
98
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,848
You're not the only one
who liked
99
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,650
"Riding in Cars
with Boys."
100
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:39,718
"Charlie's Angels"!
101
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,019
"Charlie's Angels 2"!
102
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,187
"Home Fries"!
103
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,355
(gasp) Francine,
104
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,923
do you realize
what we're doing?
105
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,925
We're bantering.
Crazy idea --
106
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,061
Would you come fill in
in Terry's old seat?
107
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,063
Just until we find
a permanent replacement.
108
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:52,397
I don't know, Greg.
109
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,233
I'm not really up
on current events.
110
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,868
I get most of my news
off Snapple caps.
111
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,403
Please, Francine.
112
00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,705
To help a friend.
113
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:03,609
Sounds like a job
for Suckmachine.
114
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,410
How'd you know
my high school nickname?
115
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,951
Hey, check out what
we found in the basement.
116
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,286
You walk in
without knocking
117
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,587
like a bunch of Duprees?
118
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,222
It's my old
Dream Phone game.
119
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:19,558
It's so dumb.
You try to figure out
120
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,126
which cute boy
has a crush on you.
121
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,228
We thought it'd be fun
to play as a goof.
122
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,197
Doesn't sound fun.
Sounds lame.
123
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:26,431
But I guess I'll do it,
124
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,033
'cause I got
nothing else to do.
125
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,035
But it sounds boring.
I'm gonna be bored.
126
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:32,070
I was right.
This is boring.
127
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,905
I'm bored. I think
I'm just about ready to --
128
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,375
Who is that?!
129
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:37,776
(breathily) Dylan.
(piano flourish)
130
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,578
(ring)
Hello?
131
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,480
Your crush loves pizza.
132
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,148
That could be Dylan.
133
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,483
We like
all the same things.
134
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,752
Dylan likes the mall.
I like the mall.
135
00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:51,056
Oh, my God.
Is he...the one?
136
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,325
¶ I once wished a wish ¶
137
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,394
¶ One day I would meet ya ¶
138
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:57,296
¶ My two scoops of kisses ¶
139
00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:59,831
¶ With a heart
shaped like pizza ¶
140
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,934
¶ What angel or genie ¶
141
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,603
¶ Led me here to you? ¶
142
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:07,906
¶ My telephone Romeo ¶
143
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:12,177
¶ My dream come true ¶
144
00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:15,614
¶ My dream come true ¶
145
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,483
(moaning)
146
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:23,655
¶ My dream come true ¶
147
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,357
I'd sing you
the second verse,
148
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:28,694
but it gets pretty...
explicit.
149
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:34,333
And remember, we are
the news of Langley Falls.
150
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:37,469
Without us, people making dinner
won't know who's been murdered!
151
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,604
¶¶
152
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:41,173
Good evening.
I'm Greg Corbin.
153
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,141
And I'm Francine Smith.
154
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,776
Our top story tonight --
155
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,379
17 alligators
were set loose today
156
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:50,816
when an oak tree fell on a fence
at the Langley Falls Gator Farm.
157
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,284
Dickie,
I bet you were around
158
00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:53,518
when that oak tree
was planted.
159
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,553
Huh?
160
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:55,987
Planted?
161
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,056
Dickie was around when
the oak tree was invented.
162
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,725
(chuckle)
Looks like those gators
163
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:01,059
aren't the only ones
who bite.
164
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,861
Chomp, chomp.
(chuckle)
165
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,197
Her banter -- It's beautiful.
166
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:09,735
¶ She's a revelatio-o-o-
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n! ¶
167
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,136
Oh, she's good.
168
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,971
Real good.
169
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:15,374
Too good.
170
00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:18,243
This will end poorly.
171
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,078
Raven!
172
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,880
(laughs)
173
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,682
She's so Raven.
174
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:25,384
Real Raven.
175
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,753
Too Raven.
176
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:30,489
This will end poorly.
177
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:36,695
¶¶
178
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,029
Thank you.
179
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,664
This is the first
and last step
180
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,333
to opening
my dry-cleaning business.
181
00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:44,403
So, we eat here
for free?
182
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:46,371
I never realized
being the husband
183
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:48,840
of a local news celeb
would be so sweet!
184
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,909
Ah, the perks are nice,
but remember --
185
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,944
I'm doing all this
to help Greg.
186
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:56,915
Complimentary order
of shrimp enchiladas. Mwah!
187
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,518
The veins in the shrimp
are -- how you say?
188
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,187
Bursting with turds tonight.
189
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,656
That's exactly
how you say it, Miguel.
190
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,228
One more call,
and I'll zero in
191
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,597
on the identity
of the landline strangler.
192
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,932
I've crafted my own narrative
193
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,600
to enhance my enjoyment
of the game.
194
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,469
Now, talk to me, you sicko!
195
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,237
Who are you talking to?
Is it Dylan?
196
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,106
(grunting)
197
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,274
keep your paws off him,
you slut!
198
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,642
(ring)
199
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,310
your crush hates the mall.
200
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,912
Hates the mall?
It's not Dylan.
201
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,447
We're resetting.
(beep)
202
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,482
Roger, you can't just
keep resetting the game
203
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,317
every time
until you get Dylan.
204
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,753
I don't see why you're
so hung up on Dylan, anyway.
205
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,556
Tyler is clearly the cutest
of the dream boys.
206
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,558
Hell, I'd even take
Wayne over Dylan.
207
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,326
You have six seconds
208
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:42,627
to suck
those filthy words back
209
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,929
inside your rotten
little mouth.
210
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,263
Damn it, Roger.
211
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,998
This isn't even
a real person, okay?
212
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,268
This is just some model who
posed for a picture in 1994.
213
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,837
It's insane
to have a crush
214
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,905
on a fake person
on a fake phone.
215
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,907
(sigh)
You're right.
216
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,242
The sane thing to do is
217
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,277
track down the model
who posed for the card
218
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,612
and go on a road trip
to meet him.
219
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,180
Exactly.
220
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:05,250
¶ I'm so excited ¶
221
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:07,519
¶ And I just can't hide it ¶
222
00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,254
¶ No, no, no ¶
223
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,622
¶ I'm about to lose control ¶
224
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,657
¶ And I think I like it ¶
225
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:13,959
¶ Ooh, hey ¶
226
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,927
I know I like you, Dylan.
227
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:21,933
(laughter)
228
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,301
Of course, that was back
when it was okay
229
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,337
to bring a crossbow
on a bus.
230
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:29,140
This just in -- channel 3's
own Dickie Dobbins has...
231
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,709
died?
232
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,110
Of a stroke.
233
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,346
I didn't know
you could die from that.
234
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,281
I thought it just
made you talk funny.
235
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,517
Ah, I had
a stroke, see?
236
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:40,952
We always poke fun
at Dickie, sure,
237
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,454
but I never thought
we'd...
238
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:46,224
(wheels squeaking)
239
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,526
...lose him.
240
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,061
Greg?
241
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,667
(sighs)
242
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,402
Ladies and gentlemen,
243
00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,872
heaven just got one hell
of a weather angel.
244
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,575
Or, if the allegations
that followed Dickie
245
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:06,478
his entire life
turn out to have been true,
246
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:10,415
hell just got one angel
of a weather demon.
247
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:13,752
And...we're...out.
248
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,554
Thank you, Francine.
That --
249
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:16,888
That was wonderful.
250
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,356
You just
got in the zone.
251
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:19,891
It was like there was
no one else at the desk.
252
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,259
Oh! (laughs)
253
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,894
Oh, that's ridiculous.
254
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,264
Who ever heard of one person
anchoring the news?
255
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,566
(laughs)
-(nervous laugh)
256
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,401
(laughs)
257
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,169
But do ya think?
258
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:34,673
¶¶
259
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,042
So, I had the sassiest
waiter the other day.
260
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:40,078
Oh, I'll tell you
how I feel about sassy waiters.
261
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,180
"Homey don't play
around wit' dat."
262
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,883
Remember that,
the black clown? Anyway.
263
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:48,687
¶¶
264
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,791
If I was that
hang-glide instructor,
265
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,193
I'd have just cut
that big boy loose.
266
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,728
Well, I --
-Oh, we're gonna get calls
267
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,196
on that one, aren't we?
-I-I once --
268
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,632
Oh, behave, Francine.
269
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,067
(laughs)
270
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:05,370
¶¶
271
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,741
(music climbs)
272
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,013
¶¶
273
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,785
Man, Francine really
ain't letting you
274
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,621
get a word in
edgewise, is she?
275
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,956
Oh, she's just doing
her part to be helpful.
276
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,558
And you know
what they say,
277
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:27,892
"There's no 'I' in 'team.'"
278
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:29,661
No!
I don't know that,
279
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:30,962
'cause I never learned
to read!
280
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,931
(sobbing)
281
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,466
(hissing)
282
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:35,767
Aah!
283
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,235
Why do we have
this room?!
284
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,339
So, they've got
a killer new
285
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,808
verde shrimp chimichanga
down at Larry's.
286
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,310
I was thinking maybe
you could work in
287
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,611
a plug
on the show today.
288
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:47,946
I'm not gonna
compromise the news
289
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,814
to make you a hero
at Loco Larry's.
290
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,683
This isn't about you.
291
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,018
And it's not about me.
292
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,519
It's about Greg.
293
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,921
Now, I really need to do
my vocal warm-ups.
294
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,324
¶ Me me me me me ¶
295
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,992
¶ Not Greg,
not Greg, not Greg ¶
296
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,963
¶ All that is his
will be mine ¶
297
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,665
What's going on?
298
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,099
We've finally got
a new weather guy
299
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,635
to replace Dickie --
Memphis Stormfront.
300
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:12,470
From channel 6
in Raleigh-Durham.
301
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,472
They say he gives
great banter.
302
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,374
(Southern accent)
And that he's got his eye
on the anchor desk.
303
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,209
He might be just the guy
to be Greg's
304
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,544
permanent co-anchor,
fool!
305
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:20,979
Why are you doing that?
306
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:25,450
I love Gossi-i-i-p!
307
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,319
(laughter)
308
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,990
¶¶
309
00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:34,526
We have a new member
of the channel 3 team,
310
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:35,894
and we're
about to find out
311
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,496
"weather" he's
any good at his job.
312
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,398
A job, by the way...
313
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,001
that can be done better
by a free phone app.
314
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,369
Memphis?
315
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,539
"Appy" to prove you wrong,
there, Francine.
316
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:51,743
I'd also happily help you
find a phone made after 1998.
317
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,311
Hey, no fair!
That's just a backup
318
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,879
until her beeper gets
out of the shop.
319
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,681
Ooh! Burn!
320
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,883
Um, uh...
321
00:11:58,885 --> 00:11:59,984
I...
322
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:01,753
ch-chimichanga.
323
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,555
Turning to the five-day
forecast.
324
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,724
I haven't felt this kind of
on-air chemistry since Terry.
325
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,759
I think he's the one.
Isn't this great?
326
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,194
You'll be able
to go back
327
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,595
to your whatever you do
with your days.
328
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:14,999
My lokey!
329
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:18,002
I want that
weather punk gone!
330
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:21,339
I just heard
you got Memphis fired.
331
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,608
He was deadweight,
ratings poison,
332
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,410
a real Ray Donovan.
333
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,011
I was looking out
for ya.
334
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:29,447
Look, you've been such
a good friend to me,
335
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,716
so speaking
as your good friend,
336
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,518
I think your love
of the limelight
337
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,019
is clouding
your judgment.
338
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,921
Oh. Wow!
339
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,257
Thank you
for helping me realize
340
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,559
(crunch)
what an ingrate you are.
341
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,061
Francine,
you're hurting me!
342
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,562
I get the viewers.
343
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,564
I make the news fun.
(crunch)
344
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,933
And I do it all
to help you!
345
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,135
Well, you're gonna have
a hard time
346
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,637
helping me,
because me quits!
347
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:53,738
(sobbing)
348
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,073
wait, wait!
349
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,541
Greg, come back!
350
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,910
I didn't mean
what I said.
351
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,279
I've never seen
"Ray Donovan."
352
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,081
It could be
a good show.
353
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,650
I don't know.
We don't get Showtime.
354
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,218
Everything else
I said stands.
355
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,953
(sobbing)
356
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:17,095
Stupid, ungrateful Greg.
357
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,898
I guess some friends just
don't want to be helped.
358
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,820
Oh, my God!
359
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:45,089
I was so busy telling myself
I was helping Greg,
360
00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:47,458
I couldn't see how much
I was hurting him.
361
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,794
Oh, we need
to make this right.
362
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:52,664
Are you okay, losing
your Loco Larry's perks?
363
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,632
Hey, helping Greg
is more important
364
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:56,434
than eating
16 burritos a day,
365
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,635
every day of the week.
366
00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:58,837
Also, my --
367
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,038
my colon came out.
368
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,139
What?
369
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,507
M-my colon came out.
370
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,509
I-I looked it up online
and it is reversible.
371
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:08,179
Greg and Memphis are so clearly
right for each other.
372
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,815
We need to get 'em
back together
373
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,450
and back on the air.
374
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,453
Easier said than done.
Mmm. Mmm.
375
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,522
Greg's done with TV.
Runs a cake shop now.
376
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,491
Another interesting tidbit --
Greg might not be
377
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:23,595
the macho lady-killer
we all think he is.
378
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,567
Greg, please.
379
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:32,570
You're the one who belongs
behind that desk, not me.
380
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,572
I'm sorry.
I'm not going back.
381
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:36,541
Even if you did get
Memphis back, too.
382
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,176
And good luck with that.
383
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,577
He's a stormchaser now.
384
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,145
Said at least
you can trust a tornado
385
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:42,981
not to stab you in the back.
386
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,983
Also, you know Ashley in HR?
387
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,151
Got an abortion.
388
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:49,721
What do we need
a weatherman for anyway?
389
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,322
You said it yourself.
390
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,557
Unless, of course,
there was some sort of
391
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,926
cataclysmic superstorm
to cover.
392
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:58,062
But barring that, I would
get rid of the snake room
393
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,764
before I brought back
Greg and Memphis.
394
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:01,866
Ohh!
395
00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:04,068
(munching)
396
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,937
I just know deep down,
397
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:08,039
Greg wants to come back
to the news.
398
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:10,575
If I could only get
him and Memphis back
399
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,177
on the air together
for one broadcast.
400
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,579
But we'd need to be able
401
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,547
to control the weather
to do that.
402
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,517
Easy as pie.
403
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,552
Stan, that's a cake.
-Oh, what would you say?
404
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,754
"Piece of cake."
405
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,022
Oh, yeah,
it's really easy
406
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,356
to come up
with clever word play
407
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,691
when you're not
holding in your butthole
408
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,192
with a piece
of duct tape.
409
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:29,794
(ring)
410
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,530
Top-secret CIA weather-control
division. Dick speaking.
411
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,098
I mean, pizza store!
412
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,633
Oh, it's you, Stan.
413
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,101
What kind of favor?
414
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:44,809
(warble)
415
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,619
(playing heavy metal)
416
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,188
(thunder rumbles)
417
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,126
(doorbell rings)
418
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,328
(gasps)
419
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,629
can I help you?
420
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,731
You've aged beautifully.
421
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:07,932
What?
-A drink? Sure!
422
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,334
I'll take a sweet tea,
no ice.
423
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,002
You'll have one, too.
Put this in yours.
424
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,504
Come on in. Let's get you
out of those wet clothes.
425
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,074
(wind blows)
426
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,079
Hello?
I received an order
427
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,780
to deliver a cake
to this lamppost.
428
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,315
(tires screech)
429
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,150
I got a call saying
my birth mother
430
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,986
would meet me
at this lamppost.
431
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,153
Greg?
432
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,422
Memphis?
(thunder rumbles)
433
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:34,659
Oh, my God, a category-6
subpolar tornado-cane,
434
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,661
the rarest storm
in all of weather!
435
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,097
Don't tell us,
tell the viewers.
436
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,366
Our breaking story right now --
437
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:45,503
a weather event that I couldn't
even begin to explain.
438
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:46,971
Oh!
439
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,940
So we're going to go live
to Greg Corbin
440
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:52,477
and Memphis Stormfront,
in the heart of the storm.
441
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,512
Ohhh?!
442
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,347
I told you, I'm done
with the news, Stan.
443
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,815
I'm a cake man now!
444
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,450
You're a what?
445
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,618
(thunder rumbles)
446
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,153
Goddamn it,
I'm a news man!
447
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,621
Greg Corbin, here,
448
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,623
live in the midst
of the storm of the century,
449
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,859
with our very own
Memphis Stormfront.
450
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:10,495
Greg, we are witnessing
a once-in-a-lifetime
451
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:14,065
weather event unleashing
multiple funnel clouds.
452
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,537
The gators
are gettin' spooked!
453
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:22,006
Get 'em into the barn,
and quick!
454
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,307
Hyah!
455
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,043
It's too late!
456
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:28,146
(growling)
457
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,982
(lightning crackles)
458
00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:32,850
(alarm blares)
459
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,419
(people screaming)
460
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,154
In a stunning development,
461
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:39,924
we are now in the midst
of a full-fledged gator storm.
462
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,793
(cheering)
463
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,729
Aah!
464
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,600
(gasping)
465
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:50,768
Aah!
466
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,236
(whimpering)
467
00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:56,074
(sighs)
468
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,743
(hissing, rattling)
469
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,545
(blows)
470
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:03,047
By the way, great to be back on
the air with you, Memphis.
471
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:04,382
What have you been
up to lately?
472
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:07,051
Well, I finally caught
"Step Up: All in"
473
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,753
on cable this weekend.
474
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,688
That mess?
They should've --
475
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:13,224
(gasps)
called it "Throw Up: All over."
476
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,560
They should've
called it off.
477
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,462
(laughs)
478
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:21,365
Even in the belly of the storm,
they banter flawlessly.
479
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:23,601
These are my stars!
480
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,474
(gulping)
481
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:33,077
Ahh!
482
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:35,379
You know, you look
familiar to me.
483
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:38,216
I did do a bit
of board-game modeling,
484
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,750
back in my younger days.
485
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:40,985
Oh, yeah,
maybe that's it.
486
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,086
I think I --
I think I remember.
487
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,788
Was it, um...
488
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,156
Oh, God, it's
on the tip of my --
489
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:47,325
I want to say
mystery phone?
490
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,626
Dream Phone.
-Dream Phone, Dream Phone.
491
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,894
Right. Now I remember.
It's been --
492
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,329
been such a long time.
493
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:53,264
Is that the phone
from the game
494
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:54,732
that you're holding
right now?
495
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,567
So, it is.
496
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,136
Say, you know,
I got the day free.
497
00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,670
What do you say
we head to the mall
498
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,839
and grab ourselves
a slice of 'za?
499
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:06,244
Ugh! I try to stay away
from malls and pizza.
500
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,946
I'm beginning to get
the distinct impression,
501
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,782
Dylan,
that you are a liar.
502
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,352
Well, I wouldn't exactly
call it lying,
503
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:18,022
but for starters,
my name's not actually Dylan.
504
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:24,462
So, um,
what happened back there?
505
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,164
We went to the mall
and had pizza,
506
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,133
because that's
what Dylan likes.
507
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:31,435
Why is there blood
on the Dream Phone?
508
00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:33,304
He likes malls
and pizza...
509
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,438
and me.
510
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:40,311
Roger?
511
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,846
W-what's in this jar?
512
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:45,950
Dylan was being bad,
and now we have the jar.
513
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,553
¶ I'm so excited ¶
514
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:51,422
¶ And I just can't hide it ¶
515
00:19:56,829 --> 00:20:00,064
Well, it's official --
I'm out at channel 3
516
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:03,401
and you two are back in,
thanks to us.
517
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,635
What do you mean,
thanks to you?
518
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,170
We did all of this.
519
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:07,705
Francine got you on the air,
520
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,474
and I abused my CIA powers
to make that superstorm.
521
00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:13,211
You made this storm?
522
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,346
Lives were destroyed.
523
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:18,349
But Greg's life
was fixed.
524
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,518
Now you've got
a new work partner
525
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,221
and a new life partner.
526
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,056
Now kiss,
you two lovebirds.
527
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,224
And put some mustard on it.
528
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,361
Aren't you straight?
529
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,730
Yes, but I'm terrified
of these people.
530
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,932
They can control
the weather!
531
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,001
BOTH: Mmm.
532
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,373
You did it, baby.
533
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,608
We did it.
534
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,209
Because we're helpers.
535
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:46,877
It's just in our nature.
536
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,512
We help.
537
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,618
Mommy?
538
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,423
(growls)
539
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:04,161
Bye!
Have a beautiful time!