1 00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:03,302 And now, Dickie Dobbins, 2 00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:04,970 with the channel 3 Doppler 12,000 3 00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:07,506 Accu-Climate Weather-Plus Forecast. 4 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,775 We got more record heat movin' in. 5 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,877 My guess is it's from Eurasia, 6 00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,512 or even, possibly, 7 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,382 the Dark Continent. 8 00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,650 That's where Miss Maisie comes from. 9 00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,386 She raised me. 10 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,687 Jesus, Dickie. (nervous chuckle) 11 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,822 it's -- it's important to remember 12 00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:25,557 old Dickie comes from a different era. 13 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,725 Right, Terry? 14 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,627 Oh, that's right. 15 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:32,464 Sometimes I forget (tearfully) that he's gone. 16 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,634 As the week-long beat wave continues -- 17 00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,136 beat wave? What's a beat wave? 18 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:39,705 As the heat wave -- sorry -- continues -- 19 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,541 (sobs) 20 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,209 I just hate seeing Greg like this. 21 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,178 Guy's been a mess ever since Terry 22 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,580 dumped him and left town to follow 311 on tour. 23 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:49,815 You know what? 24 00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,350 Greg needs a new man, 25 00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,252 and I'm gonna help him find one. 26 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,553 Why? 27 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,655 Because that's what you do for friends. 28 00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,924 At least, that's what I do for friends. 29 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:02,027 In high school, my nickname was Superfriend. 30 00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:05,364 Actually, it was Supermouth. 31 00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:06,865 Actually, it was Suckmachine. 32 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,334 They called me Stan The Man. 33 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:12,237 There was a girl in my class named Stan. 34 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,174 (band plays) 35 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:18,110 ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 36 00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:21,547 ¶ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶ 37 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:24,450 ¶ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ¶ 38 00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:28,187 ¶ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ¶ 39 00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:34,193 ¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶ 40 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,428 ¶ Good -- ¶ ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 41 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,596 Aah! 42 00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:42,267 ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 43 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:45,037 (tranquil tune plays) 44 00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:47,306 Just a little more pepper. 45 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,907 Greg's coming up the driveway! 46 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,076 Aah! Aaaaaaah! 47 00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,811 Now, remember -- 48 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:54,446 We're pumping him for information 49 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,148 about his perfect guy 50 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,283 so we can find someone to set him up with. 51 00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,419 It's actually the perfect temperature. 52 00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,554 Can someone toss me a tecate? -I'll tell you 53 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,823 what my perfect man would be if I was gay. 54 00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,493 He'd have smooth, soft skin, 55 00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:08,827 long, shiny hair, 56 00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,629 a narrow waist and wide hips, 57 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,598 forming the shape of an hourglass. 58 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,800 Pouty lips, big doe eyes. 59 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,302 A musical, high-pitched voice. 60 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,606 Large, supple, breast-like pectoral muscles. 61 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:21,974 And huge balls. 62 00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:23,609 Something you can really grab onto. 63 00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:24,676 Stan! 64 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,745 Oh, we're at dinner now. 65 00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,280 Thank you so much for having me. 66 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,748 It's nice to get out of the house. 67 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,116 Our pleasure. 68 00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:33,785 Now, what would you like for dessert, 69 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:37,356 a bear claw or a twink-ie? 70 00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:40,092 Or maybe Asian dessert? 71 00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:41,760 We haven't even eaten dinner yet. 72 00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,262 Okay, then, let's start with salad. 73 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,763 Would you like your dressing on the top 74 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,932 of your salad, or on the bottom? 75 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,600 How would you put it on the bottom? 76 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,638 Okay, what are you two up to? 77 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,306 All right. The truth is 78 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,508 we were trying to figure out your type 79 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,843 so we could set you up. 80 00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,279 You just seem so down ever since Terry left. 81 00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,948 Oh. That's sweet of you. 82 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:05,384 I admit, I do miss Terry as a life partner, 83 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,519 but to be honest, I miss him more right now 84 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,555 as a work partner. 85 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:10,956 I'm -- I'm sorry. That -- that probably 86 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,524 didn't exactly warrant a spit-take. 87 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,293 Kind of jumped the gun there. Go on. 88 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,962 What makes a reporter, journalistic integrity? 89 00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,664 Ha! It's the banter! 90 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:21,033 But you can't just plug anybody into that other chair. 91 00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:23,702 You need chemistry and chemistry is hard. 92 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,137 Tell me about it. 93 00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:27,239 I burned down my school in chemistry class. 94 00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:30,075 My school experience was pretty flaming, too, 95 00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:32,010 if you know what I mean. (chuckle) 96 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,712 I bet you were quite the fire-starter. 97 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,980 Just call me young Drew Barrymore. 98 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,848 You're not the only one who liked 99 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,650 "Riding in Cars with Boys." 100 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:39,718 "Charlie's Angels"! 101 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,019 "Charlie's Angels 2"! 102 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,187 "Home Fries"! 103 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,355 (gasp) Francine, 104 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,923 do you realize what we're doing? 105 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,925 We're bantering. Crazy idea -- 106 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,061 Would you come fill in in Terry's old seat? 107 00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,063 Just until we find a permanent replacement. 108 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:52,397 I don't know, Greg. 109 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,233 I'm not really up on current events. 110 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,868 I get most of my news off Snapple caps. 111 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,403 Please, Francine. 112 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,705 To help a friend. 113 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:03,609 Sounds like a job for Suckmachine. 114 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,410 How'd you know my high school nickname? 115 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,951 Hey, check out what we found in the basement. 116 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,286 You walk in without knocking 117 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,587 like a bunch of Duprees? 118 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,222 It's my old Dream Phone game. 119 00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:19,558 It's so dumb. You try to figure out 120 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,126 which cute boy has a crush on you. 121 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,228 We thought it'd be fun to play as a goof. 122 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,197 Doesn't sound fun. Sounds lame. 123 00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:26,431 But I guess I'll do it, 124 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,033 'cause I got nothing else to do. 125 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,035 But it sounds boring. I'm gonna be bored. 126 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:32,070 I was right. This is boring. 127 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,905 I'm bored. I think I'm just about ready to -- 128 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,375 Who is that?! 129 00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:37,776 (breathily) Dylan. (piano flourish) 130 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,578 (ring) Hello? 131 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,480 Your crush loves pizza. 132 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,148 That could be Dylan. 133 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,483 We like all the same things. 134 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,752 Dylan likes the mall. I like the mall. 135 00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:51,056 Oh, my God. Is he...the one? 136 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,325 ¶ I once wished a wish ¶ 137 00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,394 ¶ One day I would meet ya ¶ 138 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:57,296 ¶ My two scoops of kisses ¶ 139 00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:59,831 ¶ With a heart shaped like pizza ¶ 140 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,934 ¶ What angel or genie ¶ 141 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,603 ¶ Led me here to you? ¶ 142 00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:07,906 ¶ My telephone Romeo ¶ 143 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:12,177 ¶ My dream come true ¶ 144 00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:15,614 ¶ My dream come true ¶ 145 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,483 (moaning) 146 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:23,655 ¶ My dream come true ¶ 147 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,357 I'd sing you the second verse, 148 00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:28,694 but it gets pretty... explicit. 149 00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:34,333 And remember, we are the news of Langley Falls. 150 00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:37,469 Without us, people making dinner won't know who's been murdered! 151 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,604 ¶¶ 152 00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:41,173 Good evening. I'm Greg Corbin. 153 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,141 And I'm Francine Smith. 154 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,776 Our top story tonight -- 155 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,379 17 alligators were set loose today 156 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:50,816 when an oak tree fell on a fence at the Langley Falls Gator Farm. 157 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,284 Dickie, I bet you were around 158 00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:53,518 when that oak tree was planted. 159 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,553 Huh? 160 00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:55,987 Planted? 161 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,056 Dickie was around when the oak tree was invented. 162 00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,725 (chuckle) Looks like those gators 163 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:01,059 aren't the only ones who bite. 164 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,861 Chomp, chomp. (chuckle) 165 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,197 Her banter -- It's beautiful. 166 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:09,735 ¶ She's a revelatio-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n! ¶ 167 00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,136 Oh, she's good. 168 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,971 Real good. 169 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:15,374 Too good. 170 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:18,243 This will end poorly. 171 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,078 Raven! 172 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,880 (laughs) 173 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,682 She's so Raven. 174 00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:25,384 Real Raven. 175 00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,753 Too Raven. 176 00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:30,489 This will end poorly. 177 00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:36,695 ¶¶ 178 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,029 Thank you. 179 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,664 This is the first and last step 180 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,333 to opening my dry-cleaning business. 181 00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:44,403 So, we eat here for free? 182 00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:46,371 I never realized being the husband 183 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:48,840 of a local news celeb would be so sweet! 184 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,909 Ah, the perks are nice, but remember -- 185 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,944 I'm doing all this to help Greg. 186 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:56,915 Complimentary order of shrimp enchiladas. Mwah! 187 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,518 The veins in the shrimp are -- how you say? 188 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,187 Bursting with turds tonight. 189 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,656 That's exactly how you say it, Miguel. 190 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,228 One more call, and I'll zero in 191 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,597 on the identity of the landline strangler. 192 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,932 I've crafted my own narrative 193 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,600 to enhance my enjoyment of the game. 194 00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,469 Now, talk to me, you sicko! 195 00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,237 Who are you talking to? Is it Dylan? 196 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,106 (grunting) 197 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,274 keep your paws off him, you slut! 198 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,642 (ring) 199 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,310 your crush hates the mall. 200 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,912 Hates the mall? It's not Dylan. 201 00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,447 We're resetting. (beep) 202 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,482 Roger, you can't just keep resetting the game 203 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,317 every time until you get Dylan. 204 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,753 I don't see why you're so hung up on Dylan, anyway. 205 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,556 Tyler is clearly the cutest of the dream boys. 206 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,558 Hell, I'd even take Wayne over Dylan. 207 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,326 You have six seconds 208 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:42,627 to suck those filthy words back 209 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,929 inside your rotten little mouth. 210 00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,263 Damn it, Roger. 211 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,998 This isn't even a real person, okay? 212 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,268 This is just some model who posed for a picture in 1994. 213 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,837 It's insane to have a crush 214 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,905 on a fake person on a fake phone. 215 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,907 (sigh) You're right. 216 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,242 The sane thing to do is 217 00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,277 track down the model who posed for the card 218 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,612 and go on a road trip to meet him. 219 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,180 Exactly. 220 00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:05,250 ¶ I'm so excited ¶ 221 00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:07,519 ¶ And I just can't hide it ¶ 222 00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,254 ¶ No, no, no ¶ 223 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,622 ¶ I'm about to lose control ¶ 224 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,657 ¶ And I think I like it ¶ 225 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:13,959 ¶ Ooh, hey ¶ 226 00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,927 I know I like you, Dylan. 227 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:21,933 (laughter) 228 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,301 Of course, that was back when it was okay 229 00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,337 to bring a crossbow on a bus. 230 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:29,140 This just in -- channel 3's own Dickie Dobbins has... 231 00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,709 died? 232 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,110 Of a stroke. 233 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,346 I didn't know you could die from that. 234 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,281 I thought it just made you talk funny. 235 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,517 Ah, I had a stroke, see? 236 00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:40,952 We always poke fun at Dickie, sure, 237 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,454 but I never thought we'd... 238 00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:46,224 (wheels squeaking) 239 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,526 ...lose him. 240 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,061 Greg? 241 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,667 (sighs) 242 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,402 Ladies and gentlemen, 243 00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,872 heaven just got one hell of a weather angel. 244 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,575 Or, if the allegations that followed Dickie 245 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:06,478 his entire life turn out to have been true, 246 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:10,415 hell just got one angel of a weather demon. 247 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:13,752 And...we're...out. 248 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,554 Thank you, Francine. That -- 249 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:16,888 That was wonderful. 250 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,356 You just got in the zone. 251 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:19,891 It was like there was no one else at the desk. 252 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,259 Oh! (laughs) 253 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,894 Oh, that's ridiculous. 254 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,264 Who ever heard of one person anchoring the news? 255 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,566 (laughs) -(nervous laugh) 256 00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,401 (laughs) 257 00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,169 But do ya think? 258 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:34,673 ¶¶ 259 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,042 So, I had the sassiest waiter the other day. 260 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:40,078 Oh, I'll tell you how I feel about sassy waiters. 261 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,180 "Homey don't play around wit' dat." 262 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,883 Remember that, the black clown? Anyway. 263 00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:48,687 ¶¶ 264 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,791 If I was that hang-glide instructor, 265 00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,193 I'd have just cut that big boy loose. 266 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,728 Well, I -- -Oh, we're gonna get calls 267 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,196 on that one, aren't we? -I-I once -- 268 00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,632 Oh, behave, Francine. 269 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,067 (laughs) 270 00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:05,370 ¶¶ 271 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,741 (music climbs) 272 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,013 ¶¶ 273 00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,785 Man, Francine really ain't letting you 274 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,621 get a word in edgewise, is she? 275 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,956 Oh, she's just doing her part to be helpful. 276 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,558 And you know what they say, 277 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:27,892 "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" 278 00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:29,661 No! I don't know that, 279 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:30,962 'cause I never learned to read! 280 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,931 (sobbing) 281 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,466 (hissing) 282 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:35,767 Aah! 283 00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,235 Why do we have this room?! 284 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,339 So, they've got a killer new 285 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,808 verde shrimp chimichanga down at Larry's. 286 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,310 I was thinking maybe you could work in 287 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,611 a plug on the show today. 288 00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:47,946 I'm not gonna compromise the news 289 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,814 to make you a hero at Loco Larry's. 290 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,683 This isn't about you. 291 00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,018 And it's not about me. 292 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,519 It's about Greg. 293 00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,921 Now, I really need to do my vocal warm-ups. 294 00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,324 ¶ Me me me me me ¶ 295 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,992 ¶ Not Greg, not Greg, not Greg ¶ 296 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,963 ¶ All that is his will be mine ¶ 297 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,665 What's going on? 298 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,099 We've finally got a new weather guy 299 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,635 to replace Dickie -- Memphis Stormfront. 300 00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:12,470 From channel 6 in Raleigh-Durham. 301 00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,472 They say he gives great banter. 302 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,374 (Southern accent) And that he's got his eye on the anchor desk. 303 00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,209 He might be just the guy to be Greg's 304 00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,544 permanent co-anchor, fool! 305 00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:20,979 Why are you doing that? 306 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:25,450 I love Gossi-i-i-p! 307 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,319 (laughter) 308 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,990 ¶¶ 309 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:34,526 We have a new member of the channel 3 team, 310 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:35,894 and we're about to find out 311 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,496 "weather" he's any good at his job. 312 00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,398 A job, by the way... 313 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,001 that can be done better by a free phone app. 314 00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,369 Memphis? 315 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,539 "Appy" to prove you wrong, there, Francine. 316 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:51,743 I'd also happily help you find a phone made after 1998. 317 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,311 Hey, no fair! That's just a backup 318 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,879 until her beeper gets out of the shop. 319 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,681 Ooh! Burn! 320 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,883 Um, uh... 321 00:11:58,885 --> 00:11:59,984 I... 322 00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:01,753 ch-chimichanga. 323 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,555 Turning to the five-day forecast. 324 00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,724 I haven't felt this kind of on-air chemistry since Terry. 325 00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,759 I think he's the one. Isn't this great? 326 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,194 You'll be able to go back 327 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,595 to your whatever you do with your days. 328 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:14,999 My lokey! 329 00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:18,002 I want that weather punk gone! 330 00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:21,339 I just heard you got Memphis fired. 331 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,608 He was deadweight, ratings poison, 332 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,410 a real Ray Donovan. 333 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,011 I was looking out for ya. 334 00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:29,447 Look, you've been such a good friend to me, 335 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,716 so speaking as your good friend, 336 00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,518 I think your love of the limelight 337 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,019 is clouding your judgment. 338 00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,921 Oh. Wow! 339 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,257 Thank you for helping me realize 340 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,559 (crunch) what an ingrate you are. 341 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,061 Francine, you're hurting me! 342 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,562 I get the viewers. 343 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,564 I make the news fun. (crunch) 344 00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,933 And I do it all to help you! 345 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,135 Well, you're gonna have a hard time 346 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,637 helping me, because me quits! 347 00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:53,738 (sobbing) 348 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,073 wait, wait! 349 00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,541 Greg, come back! 350 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,910 I didn't mean what I said. 351 00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,279 I've never seen "Ray Donovan." 352 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,081 It could be a good show. 353 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,650 I don't know. We don't get Showtime. 354 00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,218 Everything else I said stands. 355 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,953 (sobbing) 356 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:17,095 Stupid, ungrateful Greg. 357 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,898 I guess some friends just don't want to be helped. 358 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,820 Oh, my God! 359 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:45,089 I was so busy telling myself I was helping Greg, 360 00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:47,458 I couldn't see how much I was hurting him. 361 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,794 Oh, we need to make this right. 362 00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:52,664 Are you okay, losing your Loco Larry's perks? 363 00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,632 Hey, helping Greg is more important 364 00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:56,434 than eating 16 burritos a day, 365 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,635 every day of the week. 366 00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:58,837 Also, my -- 367 00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,038 my colon came out. 368 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,139 What? 369 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,507 M-my colon came out. 370 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,509 I-I looked it up online and it is reversible. 371 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:08,179 Greg and Memphis are so clearly right for each other. 372 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,815 We need to get 'em back together 373 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,450 and back on the air. 374 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,453 Easier said than done. Mmm. Mmm. 375 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,522 Greg's done with TV. Runs a cake shop now. 376 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,491 Another interesting tidbit -- Greg might not be 377 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:23,595 the macho lady-killer we all think he is. 378 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,567 Greg, please. 379 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:32,570 You're the one who belongs behind that desk, not me. 380 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,572 I'm sorry. I'm not going back. 381 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:36,541 Even if you did get Memphis back, too. 382 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,176 And good luck with that. 383 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,577 He's a stormchaser now. 384 00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,145 Said at least you can trust a tornado 385 00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:42,981 not to stab you in the back. 386 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,983 Also, you know Ashley in HR? 387 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,151 Got an abortion. 388 00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:49,721 What do we need a weatherman for anyway? 389 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,322 You said it yourself. 390 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,557 Unless, of course, there was some sort of 391 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,926 cataclysmic superstorm to cover. 392 00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:58,062 But barring that, I would get rid of the snake room 393 00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,764 before I brought back Greg and Memphis. 394 00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:01,866 Ohh! 395 00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:04,068 (munching) 396 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,937 I just know deep down, 397 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:08,039 Greg wants to come back to the news. 398 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:10,575 If I could only get him and Memphis back 399 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,177 on the air together for one broadcast. 400 00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,579 But we'd need to be able 401 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,547 to control the weather to do that. 402 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,517 Easy as pie. 403 00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,552 Stan, that's a cake. -Oh, what would you say? 404 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,754 "Piece of cake." 405 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,022 Oh, yeah, it's really easy 406 00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,356 to come up with clever word play 407 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,691 when you're not holding in your butthole 408 00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,192 with a piece of duct tape. 409 00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:29,794 (ring) 410 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,530 Top-secret CIA weather-control division. Dick speaking. 411 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,098 I mean, pizza store! 412 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,633 Oh, it's you, Stan. 413 00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,101 What kind of favor? 414 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:44,809 (warble) 415 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,619 (playing heavy metal) 416 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,188 (thunder rumbles) 417 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,126 (doorbell rings) 418 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,328 (gasps) 419 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,629 can I help you? 420 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,731 You've aged beautifully. 421 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:07,932 What? -A drink? Sure! 422 00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,334 I'll take a sweet tea, no ice. 423 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,002 You'll have one, too. Put this in yours. 424 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,504 Come on in. Let's get you out of those wet clothes. 425 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,074 (wind blows) 426 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,079 Hello? I received an order 427 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,780 to deliver a cake to this lamppost. 428 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,315 (tires screech) 429 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,150 I got a call saying my birth mother 430 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,986 would meet me at this lamppost. 431 00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,153 Greg? 432 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,422 Memphis? (thunder rumbles) 433 00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:34,659 Oh, my God, a category-6 subpolar tornado-cane, 434 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,661 the rarest storm in all of weather! 435 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,097 Don't tell us, tell the viewers. 436 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,366 Our breaking story right now -- 437 00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:45,503 a weather event that I couldn't even begin to explain. 438 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:46,971 Oh! 439 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,940 So we're going to go live to Greg Corbin 440 00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:52,477 and Memphis Stormfront, in the heart of the storm. 441 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,512 Ohhh?! 442 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,347 I told you, I'm done with the news, Stan. 443 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,815 I'm a cake man now! 444 00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,450 You're a what? 445 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,618 (thunder rumbles) 446 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,153 Goddamn it, I'm a news man! 447 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,621 Greg Corbin, here, 448 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,623 live in the midst of the storm of the century, 449 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,859 with our very own Memphis Stormfront. 450 00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:10,495 Greg, we are witnessing a once-in-a-lifetime 451 00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:14,065 weather event unleashing multiple funnel clouds. 452 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,537 The gators are gettin' spooked! 453 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:22,006 Get 'em into the barn, and quick! 454 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,307 Hyah! 455 00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,043 It's too late! 456 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:28,146 (growling) 457 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,982 (lightning crackles) 458 00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:32,850 (alarm blares) 459 00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,419 (people screaming) 460 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,154 In a stunning development, 461 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:39,924 we are now in the midst of a full-fledged gator storm. 462 00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,793 (cheering) 463 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,729 Aah! 464 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,600 (gasping) 465 00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:50,768 Aah! 466 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,236 (whimpering) 467 00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:56,074 (sighs) 468 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,743 (hissing, rattling) 469 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,545 (blows) 470 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:03,047 By the way, great to be back on the air with you, Memphis. 471 00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:04,382 What have you been up to lately? 472 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:07,051 Well, I finally caught "Step Up: All in" 473 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,753 on cable this weekend. 474 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,688 That mess? They should've -- 475 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:13,224 (gasps) called it "Throw Up: All over." 476 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,560 They should've called it off. 477 00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,462 (laughs) 478 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:21,365 Even in the belly of the storm, they banter flawlessly. 479 00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:23,601 These are my stars! 480 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,474 (gulping) 481 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:33,077 Ahh! 482 00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:35,379 You know, you look familiar to me. 483 00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:38,216 I did do a bit of board-game modeling, 484 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,750 back in my younger days. 485 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:40,985 Oh, yeah, maybe that's it. 486 00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,086 I think I -- I think I remember. 487 00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,788 Was it, um... 488 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,156 Oh, God, it's on the tip of my -- 489 00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:47,325 I want to say mystery phone? 490 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,626 Dream Phone. -Dream Phone, Dream Phone. 491 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,894 Right. Now I remember. It's been -- 492 00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,329 been such a long time. 493 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:53,264 Is that the phone from the game 494 00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:54,732 that you're holding right now? 495 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,567 So, it is. 496 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,136 Say, you know, I got the day free. 497 00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,670 What do you say we head to the mall 498 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,839 and grab ourselves a slice of 'za? 499 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:06,244 Ugh! I try to stay away from malls and pizza. 500 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,946 I'm beginning to get the distinct impression, 501 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,782 Dylan, that you are a liar. 502 00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,352 Well, I wouldn't exactly call it lying, 503 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:18,022 but for starters, my name's not actually Dylan. 504 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:24,462 So, um, what happened back there? 505 00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,164 We went to the mall and had pizza, 506 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,133 because that's what Dylan likes. 507 00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:31,435 Why is there blood on the Dream Phone? 508 00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:33,304 He likes malls and pizza... 509 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,438 and me. 510 00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:40,311 Roger? 511 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,846 W-what's in this jar? 512 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:45,950 Dylan was being bad, and now we have the jar. 513 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,553 ¶ I'm so excited ¶ 514 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:51,422 ¶ And I just can't hide it ¶ 515 00:19:56,829 --> 00:20:00,064 Well, it's official -- I'm out at channel 3 516 00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:03,401 and you two are back in, thanks to us. 517 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,635 What do you mean, thanks to you? 518 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,170 We did all of this. 519 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:07,705 Francine got you on the air, 520 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,474 and I abused my CIA powers to make that superstorm. 521 00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:13,211 You made this storm? 522 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,346 Lives were destroyed. 523 00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:18,349 But Greg's life was fixed. 524 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,518 Now you've got a new work partner 525 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,221 and a new life partner. 526 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,056 Now kiss, you two lovebirds. 527 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,224 And put some mustard on it. 528 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,361 Aren't you straight? 529 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,730 Yes, but I'm terrified of these people. 530 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,932 They can control the weather! 531 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,001 BOTH: Mmm. 532 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,373 You did it, baby. 533 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,608 We did it. 534 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,209 Because we're helpers. 535 00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:46,877 It's just in our nature. 536 00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,512 We help. 537 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,618 Mommy? 538 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,423 (growls) 539 00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:04,161 Bye! Have a beautiful time!