1
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:05,104
(snoring)
2
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:06,772
¶¶
3
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:12,444
(tires squeal)
4
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:15,014
You don't have to do this.
I'll tell you anything you want.
5
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:17,516
You look great in that dress.
You don't look fat at all.
6
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:18,851
You made your point, Francine!
7
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,185
(laughter)
8
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,388
I hope you enjoyed
your kidnapping.
9
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:25,858
That was just my fun way
to give you some exciting news.
10
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,459
You've been elected
11
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:31,030
to be in charge of this year's
C.I.A. calendar!
12
00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:32,798
Really?
I can't believe it.
13
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,968
And to be clear, I pissed myself
out of happiness just now,
14
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:37,569
not during
the kidnapping thing earlier
15
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:38,804
that -- that wasn't scary.
16
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,172
As you know, our calendar
17
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,975
is the C.I.A.'S number-one
fundraiser.
18
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:45,644
Selling calendars pays
for everything around here,
19
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,679
including
printing the calendars.
20
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:50,082
It's an enormous expense.
21
00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:52,384
Now be a dear
and help me with this.
22
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,686
These are the steroids
officially endorsed
23
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,856
by MTV's "Real World/Road Rules
Challenge."
24
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,425
As per usual,
25
00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:04,229
I will be absolutely ripped
for my July spread.
26
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,697
(sloop!)
27
00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:09,435
(screams)
28
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,036
This is
the photo proof book.
29
00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:13,372
You'll store all your photos
and negatives in here.
30
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:15,274
Guard this with your life.
31
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:18,043
And also, it likes to wear this
tiny, little jacket on Sundays.
32
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,279
-It does?
-Well, I like it to.
33
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,680
Just give this
your all, Stan.
34
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,382
You don't want
to mess up the calendar,
35
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,617
or you'll never
live it down.
36
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:28,020
What?
My calendar wasn't that bad.
37
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:31,457
It was just 12 pictures of some
lady taken through her blinds.
38
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:34,126
She had those big boobs!
39
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:40,232
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
40
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:43,769
¶ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶
41
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,772
¶ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ¶
42
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:50,509
¶ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ¶
43
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,415
¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶
44
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:58,817
¶ Good -- ¶
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
45
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,152
Aah!
46
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,123
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
47
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,661
I just felt so aimless.
48
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,797
I was in a rut, Francine.
You get that.
49
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,999
I do.
You know, once, I was in --
50
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,167
I was telling a story!
51
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:18,971
Can I finish one story
one time?!
52
00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:20,572
Thank you!
53
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:24,243
After a ton of soul searching,
I found my new passion --
54
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,445
getting my degree
in criminology.
55
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:29,248
I'm so happy
you're going to college.
56
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,849
Can I go to school today?
57
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,285
You know, if you tried harder
in high school,
58
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,487
maybe you could go to college
like Roger.
59
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,656
I'm missing my PSATs
right now!
60
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,858
Steve, you need to get serious
about school.
61
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,094
Me, I worked my ass off
for this.
62
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:43,595
Good for you, Roger.
63
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:46,798
The name is Jeremy Neiderhoff,
college freshman.
64
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,433
BRO: Neiderhoff!
65
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:49,935
It's really great
66
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,804
when you find something
you're passionate about.
67
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:55,707
I'm happy for you,
but I'm also a little jealous.
68
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,709
You know,
I never went to college.
69
00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,679
And look at you now --
driving someone else to college.
70
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,681
(whistles)
Wow.
71
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,253
(stately music playing)
72
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:17,629
(music stops)
73
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,566
(music continues)
74
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:23,335
(music stops)
75
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:26,305
(music continues)
76
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,873
(music stops)
77
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:31,076
(music continues)
78
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,545
I got a Discovery card!
79
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,380
Whoo!
80
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,349
Look at all these cool things
you can buy
81
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:39,051
with your
Discovery card points!
82
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:40,586
Wow, look at this jacket!
83
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,188
Francine, I quit college
to focus on my new passion --
84
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:44,356
getting this jacket.
85
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,358
Roger, it's really great
86
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,328
when you find something
you're passionate about.
87
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,929
I'm happy for you.
88
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,699
But I'm also a little jealous.
I never owned a --
89
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:56,268
You never owned a satin
credit-card jacket. I know.
90
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,370
Have I told you
that story before?
91
00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,806
Uh, yeah.
Beep, beep. Let's go.
92
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,281
Sir, thank you
for getting me an assistant.
93
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:12,684
Don't thank me.
Have your assistant do it.
94
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,055
Asher! I wanted the water
room-temperature
95
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,891
but not this room.
I meant a slightly colder room.
96
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,727
Oh, I'm so sorry.
i-I'll get an ice cube.
97
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,362
That's your generation,
isn't it?
98
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,063
An ice cube
will fix everything.
99
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,065
Well, not this time.
You're fired.
100
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,734
But before you go,
bring me an ice cube.
101
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:32,537
That does sound nice.
102
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:35,607
Sir, I'd like you to meet
the newest member of the C.I.A.,
103
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,477
which makes him eligible
for the C.I.A.'s calendar --
104
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,245
agent Tyrese Gibson.
105
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,647
Thank you
for this opportunity.
106
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,815
Now, I've been reviewing
some files,
107
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:47,052
and I think I have a lead on
a terrorist attack on U.S. soil.
108
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:50,722
Your eyes --
they are mesmerizing.
109
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,291
Can I put a shirt on?
110
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,793
I don't think you understand
why we brought you here.
111
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,066
This is Dustin,
my new assistant.
112
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,301
He's a flincher.
113
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,636
-(grunts)
-Two for flinching.
114
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,438
-(sneezes)
-Germs!
115
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,474
How dare you not dive in front
of the proof book to protect it.
116
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,643
It's like you don't believe
in this, or me.
117
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,645
You've got bad energy, Dustin.
118
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,947
All day, you've been
silently judging me.
119
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,849
You're fired.
120
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:23,455
Whoa. You think your dad
would hire me?
121
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,424
'Cause I don't have
a lot going on
122
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:29,928
since I lost my frisbee
in that scary bush.
123
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:32,030
It'd be hell
to work for my dad.
124
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,766
He has never once said
I did a good job.
125
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,301
When I was a kid,
126
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:38,537
my dad would always take me
to the same beach.
127
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:42,541
So for father's day, I drew him
a picture of our beach.
128
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,009
My bedtime story that night
129
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:48,313
was a 45-minute critique
of my drawing.
130
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,781
Well, if it were me,
131
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,950
I would have drawn it
on a single piece of paper.
132
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:55,354
I did. He tore it up.
That's how critical he is.
133
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:58,657
And that day, I vowed
that if he ever made anything,
134
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,192
I'd ruin it.
135
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,194
And I forgot about that vow
for a long time
136
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,329
'cause, you know,
I had other stuff going on.
137
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,165
But now it's back
with a vengeance.
138
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:10,802
Oh! So you're gonna try
to ruin his calendar thing.
139
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,504
(mockingly) "Oh!"
140
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,673
(normal voice)
Yeah. I'll become his assistant,
141
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,508
and I'll help him
make the calendar.
142
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,877
(chuckling) And then when
he's feeling all good about it,
143
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,345
I'll destroy it!
144
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:23,248
Babe, you're scaring me
more than the scary bush.
145
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:26,151
(ominous music plays)
146
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,860
BRO: Neiderhoff!
147
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,328
How was school today,
Steve?
148
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:37,896
You know I didn't go.
149
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,931
I watched you and Mom
drink two bottles of wine,
150
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,067
and now we're here,
and Mom's sleeping in the car.
151
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,869
So, you want to go
watch your mommy sleep
152
00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:47,706
or help me break in
my Discovery card?
153
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,008
I thought this was a stupid
choice when you said it,
154
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,243
but I get it now.
155
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,645
10 more minutes,
then we go shopping?
156
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:01,386
Ooh, I'm sorry.
157
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:03,255
We don't accept
Discovery card.
158
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,957
We do take Visa, MasterCard,
American Express,
159
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,592
Diners Club,
traveler's checks,
160
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,462
even a gentleman's agreement
to come back and pay tomorrow,
161
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:12,397
but no Discovery card.
162
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,232
What?!
Let's get out of here, Steve.
163
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:17,636
This place smells like farts,
anyway -- or it's about to.
164
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,404
(grunts)
165
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:22,707
Is there a store here that sells
paper towels and underwear?
166
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,479
Discovery card
at a Tumi store?
167
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:29,214
You have to be kidding me.
168
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,116
This is Tumi.
169
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,151
Tu-mi.
170
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,419
Sorry. Geez.
171
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:39,624
Tuuumiiiii!
172
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:44,095
I guess Discovery card isn't
as widely accepted as I thought.
173
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,897
Oh, you must be
the Discovery card people
174
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,933
I've been hearing about.
Right this way.
175
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,035
I think I know
what you're looking for.
176
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,539
Steve, are you seeing
this door?
177
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,478
Please, sir,
don't make this difficult.
178
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,013
I'm going. I'm going.
179
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,683
Aah!
180
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,619
I guess I'll never get
that Discovery card jacket.
181
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,988
MAN: Psst.
182
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,290
I know a place
that takes Discovery card.
183
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:13,592
(gasps)
184
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,797
Hayley, I don't know why
you wanted this job,
185
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,333
but I hope you're motivated
enough to handle it.
186
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,805
Oh, I'm plenty motivated.
187
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,173
What was that?
188
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,141
I thought I heard you say
something pointedly,
189
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:32,043
like you were plotting
to take someone down,
190
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,946
someone close to you,
someone completely oblivious.
191
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,616
-Nope.
-Okey-dokey.
192
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:45,357
Oh, my God.
This is quite a production.
193
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,125
Don't pretend
like you didn't know
194
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,860
the C.I.A. calendar
is a huge deal.
195
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,062
I don't think anyone
outside the C.I.A. knows.
196
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,831
You mean the Muggles?
197
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,966
We're all set up to shoot
"January" with Jackson.
198
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,468
What?! No!
199
00:08:56,470 --> 00:09:00,505
Every year, Bullock goes
overboard with the steroids.
200
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,874
We do July first and then
drop him off in the woods
201
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,011
so he can work off
his aggression in isolation.
202
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,312
(barrel clangs)
203
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,315
Bullock love body!
204
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:14,185
Muscle powder!
205
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:17,322
(slurping)
206
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,758
(grunting)
207
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,093
All right, people, we're only
gonna get one of these.
208
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,428
Bullock doesn't like the flash.
209
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,529
(grunts)
(camera shutter clicks)
210
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,031
Lightning box!
211
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,365
Aah!
212
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,100
Heads up.
213
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,268
I said heads up.
214
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,003
(camera shutter clicks)
215
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:35,507
(screaming)
216
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,275
(panting)
217
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,877
Hayley, you saved my life.
218
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:42,747
And ruined the perfect shot.
Way to go.
219
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,382
Wha-- what are you doing?
220
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,351
It's called a slow clap.
221
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,253
Notice the speed
my hands are moving.
222
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:51,423
That's how sarcastic
I'm being.
223
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:54,225
(camera shutter clicks)
224
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,894
Come on, Hayley.
Throw him a good one.
225
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,597
-I'm hitting him in the chest.
-With the pointy part!
226
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,899
Why don't we just Photoshop
a ball into his hands?
227
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,934
Only amateurs use Photoshop.
228
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,769
You don't know
what Photoshop is, do you?
229
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,371
I don't have to know
what something is
230
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:10,308
to not like it.
You think I know what hummus is?
231
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,043
(camera shutter clicks)
Stan, listen.
232
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,245
I've been tracking the
terrorists' cellphone chatter,
233
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:15,914
and I think it's time
to go undercover.
234
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,016
Sure, sure. Whatever.
Release the bull!
235
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,054
Beautiful.
236
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,990
Hayley, get this bull
out of here.
237
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,501
Not so fast.
238
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,169
You're a clown.
Make us laugh.
239
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,138
Um...
240
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:42,474
Aah!
241
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:43,775
(laughs)
242
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,710
I di--
I didn't think she could do it.
243
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:51,349
Uh, we've already been
to this mall.
244
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,851
No one takes Discovery card.
245
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,686
Oh, we're not going here.
246
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:57,188
For us Discovery card people,
247
00:10:57,190 --> 00:11:00,492
this is our mall.
248
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,293
Starting...
249
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,695
Right now,
this is our mall.
250
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,463
¶¶
251
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,366
This mall has remained untouched
since the '80s.
252
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,468
It's perfect.
How can we ever repay you?
253
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:13,138
Actually, I host
this singer-songwriter night...
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
254
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,073
-Uh-huh.
-...at the Coffee Cabana on...
255
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,310
And a little for Roge.
(sniffs)
256
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:21,346
(slurring)
Let's get shopping!
257
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,448
A shower thermometer?
258
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,483
This will eliminate
all the guesswork.
259
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,819
Look at me, Steve.
I'm like a jockey...
260
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:30,055
Who came four times!
261
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,222
Whoa!
262
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,824
I can't see it.
I can't se--
263
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,325
Ohh!
264
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,494
It's a (bleep) classic car.
265
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,797
It's coming right out
of the (bleep) poster!
266
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,001
These are compliments
of the gentlemen in the booth.
267
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,170
-The California Raisins!
-The California Raisins!
268
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,338
-We're cursed to live forever!
-We're cursed to live forever!
269
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,977
(sighs)
The calendar is done.
270
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,546
Hard to believe
that this proof book
271
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,915
holds my entire vision inside.
272
00:11:56,917 --> 00:12:00,485
This must be what it's like
to hold a baby you love.
273
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,554
(snoring)
274
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,594
What are you doing
with my baby?!
275
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,996
Um, i-i was just gonna
lock it up in the safe.
276
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:14,666
Ah, good.
That's where babies go.
277
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,836
¶¶
278
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,138
It's here!
Steve, it's here!
279
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,541
As good as it looks
on the outside
280
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,877
is how scratchy it feels
on the inside.
281
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,947
You can tell
the stitching is fishing line.
282
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,882
It's perfect.
283
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:34,552
My Discovery card bill.
284
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,454
(gasps)
285
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,923
Rag, take me away.
(inhales deeply)
286
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,393
Oh, shit, bro.
287
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,696
The A.P.R. on this card
is terrible.
288
00:12:44,698 --> 00:12:46,297
What are you gonna do
about this bill?
289
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,933
You'll -- you'll never be able
to pay it back.
290
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,769
I'm gonna ask
for a moment of silence,
291
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,204
because Jeremy Neiderhoff
is dead.
292
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,606
(marker squeaks)
293
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:58,209
(sighs) Now I got to call
Mrs. Neiderhoff.
294
00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,744
(laughs)
295
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,646
Oh, there's someone
on the other line, claire.
296
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,414
It's probably Jeremy.
(cellphone beeps)
297
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:04,616
Hello?
298
00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:06,484
Nooooo!
299
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,753
Jeff, I got his book!
300
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,421
Here.
Now I'm gonna go get my dad,
301
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,990
and the moment
we walk in the door,
302
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:13,324
you set the book on fire.
303
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,826
The photo book.
304
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,661
What other --
(scoffs)
305
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:18,229
Yes, the photo book.
306
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,564
I knew it.
307
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,499
I can't wait to see
the look on his face
308
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,802
when all his hard work
goes up in smoke.
309
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:27,272
His hard work
is in the book.
310
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,607
Dad, can you come upstairs
for a sec--
311
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,110
Hayley, I wanted to discuss
your performance this week.
312
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,578
And how disappointing
I've been?
313
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:34,979
I've been really impressed.
314
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,781
What? r-really?
315
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:38,249
You worked your ass off.
316
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,617
Don't think I haven't noticed.
317
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,353
You've done a good --
no, a great --
318
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:45,323
no, a good job.
319
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:49,160
And I'm proud of you.
320
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,696
Did he -- did he just say...?
321
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:54,933
¶ The greatest words
that a girl could hear ¶
322
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:58,369
¶ Well, my dad just spat 'em
right into my ear ¶
323
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:02,006
¶ I've been waiting
for years and years to hear ¶
324
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,542
¶ My dad, he's proud of me ¶
325
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,711
Pose!
¶ I did a good -- no, great ¶
326
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,346
¶ No, good job ¶
327
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,014
¶ I did a good -- no, great ¶
328
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,783
¶ No, good job ¶
329
00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:13,551
¶ I did a good -- no, great ¶
330
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,653
¶ No, good job ¶
331
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,790
¶ My dad and I
have had rough patches ¶
332
00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:23,695
¶ That's why Jeff's upstairs
with a book of matches ¶
333
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:24,829
Oh, shit!
334
00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:26,397
(music stops)
335
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,732
KLAUS:
Don't worry. I got this.
336
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:28,900
(music continues)
337
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:31,002
¶ My name is Klaus, and I -- ¶
338
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:33,671
i-i, uh, uh -- oh, dang.
339
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:37,008
Say something. Anything.
(music fading)
340
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,477
I killed two teenagers!
341
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:42,914
¶ I killed two teenagers ¶
(music continues)
342
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:46,251
¶ I was hammered on bourbon
as I took a turn ¶
343
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:50,421
¶ Then ditched the car
as my passenger burned ¶
344
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:51,556
Oh, wait.
345
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:55,426
¶ I killed three teenagers ¶
346
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:58,263
¶ Three teenagers ¶
347
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:03,067
¶ I killed three teenagers ¶
348
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:06,237
Don't tell anyone.
349
00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:08,339
Jeff, don't!
350
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,741
Burn, baby, burn!
351
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:12,410
Roast in the flames of revenge,
Mr. "S."
352
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,912
Put out the book.
Put out the book!
353
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,079
-what?
-the water!
354
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,081
I'm on it, babe.
355
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,616
What are you doing?!
356
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,451
I'll pee out the fire.
357
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,186
You could have just
used the --
358
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:25,089
babe, you know this thing
doesn't work when you talk.
359
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:31,229
The whole book is destroyed.
360
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,564
(liquid splashing)
361
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:37,468
(moaning)
362
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,474
(zipper zips)
363
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,977
For the first time in my life,
my dad is proud of me,
364
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,780
and I spoil everything
in five minutes.
365
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,082
He can't find out
this proof book is ruined.
366
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,617
I have to fix this.
367
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,786
Babe, I don't think
this is fixable.
368
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,788
Maybe I can re-create
the whole calendar.
369
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:59,557
I mean, i-if I take new photos
of the agents,
370
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,893
I can photoshop them
into the old backgrounds.
371
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:03,061
Will you help me?
372
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,595
(groans)
373
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,931
(buzzes lips)
374
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:09,067
(sighing)
375
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,439
Is that a yes?
376
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:15,673
Yeah.
377
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,742
¶¶
378
00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:26,684
(screaming)
379
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,686
(camera shutter clicks)
380
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,262
(woman screaming)
381
00:16:38,264 --> 00:16:40,365
(camera shutter clicks)
382
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,380
(camera shutter clicks)
383
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:09,494
(screaming)
384
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:10,795
(horse whinnies)
385
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:12,063
(screaming)
386
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,698
Oh, God! Oh, God!
387
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,732
(screaming)
388
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,034
Beautiful!
389
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,335
(camera shutter clicks)
390
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:18,803
(screaming)
391
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,778
This is gonna work!
392
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:33,518
BRO: Neiderhoff!
393
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,019
Goodbye, old friend.
394
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:38,189
You burned too brightly
for this world.
395
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:41,492
(gulping)
396
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,161
Mom, that's not
funeral behavior.
397
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,396
(elurring)
You're not funeral behavior!
398
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,398
(engine sputtering)
399
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:53,504
We've got company.
400
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:54,939
We're from Discovery card.
401
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:56,874
It's standard practice
to inspect the body
402
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,510
when there's a large
outstanding balance.
403
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:05,016
He's ready now.
404
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,388
Ugh! God, the smell!
405
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,490
He must have been dead
for weeks.
406
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:17,395
Oh, I almost forgot.
407
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,464
This funeral was paid for
on the card,
408
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:23,701
which earned Mr. Neiderhoff
this Discovery card beach towel.
409
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,475
ROGER:
(muffled) Yay!
410
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,877
Thank you. He would have wanted
to be buried with it.
411
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,852
I'll be the coolest guy
at the beach.
412
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,990
Smith, enjoy your big night,
413
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,092
because tomorrow
we put away the calendar
414
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:54,065
and start to focus on the
C.I.A.'S big night of magic!
415
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,234
That was supposed to be
a smoke pellet.
416
00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,770
(breathing heavily)
417
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,906
Hayley, did you remember
to bring my lapel pin?
418
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,008
Don't worry.
I have it right here.
419
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,144
Wait, this is the wrong pin.
420
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:08,813
This is a big night.
I asked for my big-night pin.
421
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,782
My big-night pin is bigger.
It has star-shaped stars.
422
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:13,451
These are dot-shaped stars.
423
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,453
There were so many
on top of the dresser.
424
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,455
Uh, may-- maybe I should have
brought them all.
425
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:21,259
You think?! I can't believe I
said you were doing a good job.
426
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,793
You ruined this night
427
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:25,463
by making it all about
bringing the wrong pin.
428
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:26,964
(crying)
429
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:30,134
Mr. "S," Hayley didn't ruin
this night for you.
430
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:31,936
She saved it.
431
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:34,839
Jeff, are you out of your mind?
This night is a disaster!
432
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:35,873
Dots.
433
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,109
Dots are too good for you.
434
00:19:38,111 --> 00:19:39,610
(gasps)
You take that back!
435
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:40,811
I won't.
436
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,647
-(gasps)
-You're a big jerk!
437
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:45,349
For your information,
I destroyed your proof book,
438
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:48,319
and Hayley worked her butt off
to re-create the whole calendar.
439
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,122
She did it because she knew how
big of a deal this was for you.
440
00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:52,957
All she wants
is your approval,
441
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:55,326
and all you ever do
is cut her down.
442
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:56,861
I'm motivating her
to be better.
443
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,230
Your daughter
is already amazing,
444
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,966
and it's sad you've never
been able to see that.
445
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,305
-Jeff?
-oh, hey, Mr. "S"!
446
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,606
I need your help.
447
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,680
Dad, w-what are you
doing here?
448
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:17,982
I'm here to say
I'm sorry.
449
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:19,684
Did Jeff tell you
about the calendar?
450
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:22,486
Yeah, but what I'm sorry about
is this.
451
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:26,524
I should never
have torn this up.
452
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,327
It's a beautiful picture.
453
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:30,528
For a kid.
454
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,263
Thanks, dad.
455
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,432
But you're missing
your big night.
456
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,933
Jeff's got it covered.
457
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:37,868
This is January.
458
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:41,239
He's a football man,
and he goes really fast.
459
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,840
Next slide.
460
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,375
(chuckling) Oh!
461
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,577
I wasn't here
when she did this one,
462
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:49,180
but it looks like
a guy washing his truck.
463
00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:50,915
Maybe it was dusty or --
464
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,083
next slide.
465
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,018
MAN:
No one's asking you to do this!
466
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:56,587
Oh, this guy was really nice.
467
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,190
Wait, I think I was there
for the last one.
468
00:20:59,192 --> 00:21:00,291
Previous slide?
469
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,193
WOMAN:
Sit down, you Yutz!
470
00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,128
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
471
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:07,999
-- Captions by VITAC --