1
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:07,606
What do people think of
when they think of Germany?
2
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,676
ALL: Uh...
3
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,711
The Holocau--
4
00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:15,514
Hazelnut omelets! Exactly!
5
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,550
And the next batch is almost...
6
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,719
Oh, God.
The Roomba heard that.
7
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,554
Nobody move!
8
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:25,190
(Roomba whirs)
9
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:32,998
(all sigh)
10
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,334
And none of us remember
buying that?
11
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,870
So there's a new Web program
called Facebook.
12
00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:41,006
It's the most efficient way
to wish people happy birthday.
13
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,841
(all chuckle)
14
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,309
What?
Why are you snickering?
15
00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:45,811
Dad, Facebook's, like,
16
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,479
the oldest website
in the world.
17
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,581
Francine,
you missed a couple hazelnuts.
18
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,083
Some went under the fridge.
19
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:53,152
I know some went under
the fridge, Klaus.
20
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,320
That's why I'm sweeping
under the fridge.
21
00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:56,655
I'd like to join Facebook,
22
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,023
but my work computer
won't let me.
23
00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,825
I hit the "enter" key
as hard as I could,
24
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,193
but even that
didn't work.
25
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,828
Can you have a look
at my "enter" key?
26
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,063
Dad, your keyboard's fine.
27
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,731
I mean,
you broke your "enter" key,
28
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,733
but that's not the problem.
There's probably a firewall.
29
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,601
Just download Ultrasurf,
unzip the software,
30
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,270
put the executable
on a flash drive --
31
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:13,072
Wait, let's back up a bit.
32
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:15,374
Where does my computer go
when I'm asleep?
33
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,042
Okay, not to be a nag,
34
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:20,746
but I think if you just sweep
with less of a wide motion
35
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,414
and more of a --
-You know what, Klaus?
36
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,050
If you want your precious
hazelnuts, you sweep 'em up.
37
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:28,187
Ew, we all heard that.
38
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,622
Tense.
39
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,724
Dad, why don't you just
bring me to work with you?
40
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,460
I'll set your computer up.
41
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:37,262
Hmm. You hanging around
all my badass colleagues.
42
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,797
I don't know.
43
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,466
Dad, I won't embarrass you.
44
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:43,235
You know what?
Maybe it'll be good for you.
45
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,903
Yes!
You'll wear pants.
46
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,439
I have the perfect pair
of khakis from...
47
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,374
Petite Sophisticate.
48
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,543
(sighs)
Of course you do.
49
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,813
Awesome! I get to miss
the rope climb in gym class.
50
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:57,950
Not only are my arms too weak
to pull myself up,
51
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,651
but I don't like the feeling
the rope makes
52
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,086
as it rubs
against my genitals...
53
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:03,222
Until I do like it.
54
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:07,493
Steve, wait!
You haven't tried --
55
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:12,598
Okay, Klaus, I will try
one of your hazel whatevers.
56
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,601
Mmm! This is really good.
What's in it?
57
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:18,003
Hazelnut, butter, eggs,
veal, milk.
58
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,771
(spits)
I use whole milk.
Some people --
59
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:22,274
Wait. Veal?!
There's meat in this?
60
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,144
For thickening.
You know what they say --
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00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,645
you can't make
62
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,581
hazelnussomeletten
without kinderkuhfleische.
63
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:32,784
Klaus! I haven't eaten meat
in over a year!
64
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,586
(gagging, coughing)
65
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:37,589
How do you like yours,
Roger?
66
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,159
(Roomba whirring)
Ah, it's great, it's great.
67
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,661
¶¶
68
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,364
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
69
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:48,767
¶ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶
70
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,837
¶ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ¶
71
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:56,175
¶ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ¶
72
00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:01,146
¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶
73
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:03,615
¶ Good -- ¶
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
74
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,950
Aah!
75
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:10,122
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
76
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,193
Wow, this is cool.
77
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,795
Dad, you think I could be
in the C.I.A. someday?
78
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,530
I don't know, son.
79
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,199
The C.I.A. is all about guys
who can do stuff like this.
80
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:21,567
(gasps, groans)
81
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,302
Whoa, that was awesome!
82
00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:25,971
(chuckles)
Jim is an old friend.
83
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:28,707
(raspy voice) It's Carl.
(gasps)
84
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:34,546
You see what
those jackoffs did?
85
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:35,914
They've blocked my view!
86
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,749
It's a strong word,
but it's appropriate.
87
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,318
Those jackoffs!
88
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,919
Who?
Who are the jackoffs?
89
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:45,357
Our number one rival --
the National Security Agency.
90
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:47,192
Spy on this, nerds!
91
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,994
(window squeaks)
92
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,929
Aren't you guys
on the same team?
93
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,398
Steve, let me show you
an informative film.
94
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,866
MAN:
The C.I.A. began as
95
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,535
the Office
of Strategic Services.
96
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,237
STAN (lowered voice):
Recognize the voice?
97
00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,838
...founded by
"Wild Bill" Donovan
98
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,274
whose courage
and overall badass-ery
99
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,709
helped win World War II.
100
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:07,079
Have you figured it out?
It's a famous actor.
101
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,780
"Sling Blade"?
102
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,350
He was everything
a C.I.A. agent should be --
103
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,752
a brave,
big-chinned tough guy.
104
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,387
STEVE:
Oh, it's Billy Bob Thornton.
105
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:16,855
STAN: Yeah! Couple of
the guys got to meet him.
106
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,390
They said
he was pretty cool.
107
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,859
And though
we've had our failures...
108
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:25,430
...we've won
our nation's trust,
109
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,399
and we kept
that bastard Fidel Castro
110
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,434
from getting his hands
on America.
111
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:32,137
Then someone decided
the American taxpayers
112
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:34,740
should foot the bill
for more government,
113
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:37,876
and the National Security
Agency was born.
114
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:41,280
They secretly monitor
all kinds of communication,
115
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:44,583
including the phone calls
of American citizens.
116
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,451
We fight over how much
of the Federal Budget
117
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,120
we should each get.
118
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:51,323
Last year, those jackoffs
cost us a Ping-Pong table.
119
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,792
Now our game room
only has four games.
120
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,295
When I grow up, I wanna work
here with you, dad.
121
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,230
(scoffs) Not if you're sleeping
on the double bank.
122
00:04:58,232 --> 00:05:02,634
All right. 1 to 9.
123
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,107
(sniffles) Sorry, toilet.
124
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:12,144
I know you've been a vegetarian
as long as I have.
125
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:13,979
Oh, enough.
(toilet flushes)
126
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:17,182
Be honest. It was delicious
coming up, wasn't it, Hayley?
127
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:20,819
What? No! I --
I'm a committed vegetarian.
128
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,854
Wasn't it, Hayley?
129
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,490
Fine, fine!
It was delicious!
130
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,759
Listen, it's great that
you're a vegetarian.
131
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,661
But you know that movie
"The Purge"?
132
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,129
Is that the movie where
those girls go shopping?
133
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,098
No, Hayley, you're thinking
of "The Splurge,"
134
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,433
my unproduced screenplay,
135
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:35,767
and I told you
not to speak of it
136
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:39,171
because people steal
great ideas.
137
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:41,640
What you need is
a vegetarian purge --
138
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:44,209
one day a year
when you go crazy on meat.
139
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,712
No. That violates
all the principles --
140
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,046
(faucet squeaks)
141
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:51,316
(imitates water gushing)
142
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:53,218
Think it over.
I'll be in your bath.
143
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,120
I'm not actually gonna
clean myself.
144
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,556
I just like to sit on the drain
while it empties.
145
00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,592
Now you share something
crazy about you.
146
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:06,198
Okay, I culled your bloatware,
disabled running services.
147
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,167
Did you know you were still
using Netscape Navigator?
148
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,502
I use these!
149
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:13,638
Time for lunch, Smith.
Ah, your son.
150
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,807
Put her there, young man.
151
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,243
Mr. Bullock, can I come to
lunch with you guys?
152
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,011
Hmm,
with that limp handshake?
153
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,913
Strength's not my speciality,
but --
154
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,816
yes, I'm not sure you should
come with us to Applebee's.
155
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,986
We have a reputation to
uphold with our waitress, Trish.
156
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:31,656
She's a single mother
with sass to spare!
157
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,225
Coming, Smith?
158
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:36,728
Or do you have plans
with Edward Sissyhands here?
159
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:42,401
Steve will be good here.
You still have work to do.
160
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,172
Sorry about my goofball son,
sir.
(elevator bell dings)
161
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,540
His handshake
grosses me out, too.
162
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:51,810
Not exactly C.I.A. material.
163
00:06:58,252 --> 00:06:59,885
You convinced me.
164
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:02,020
About what?
Baths make me forgetful.
165
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,456
That I might as well
eat meat today.
166
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:07,692
I still love it,
and I really miss it.
167
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,797
For the next 24 hours,
Hayley Smith is a carnivore.
168
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,965
I want to eat
a cheeseburger.
169
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,001
Ow! Too hard.
170
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:21,573
Stupid dad.
Not C.I.A. material?
171
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,742
So what if I can't shake
a hand right?
172
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,911
Let's see what happens when
I refuse to update your Adobe.
173
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,212
No, no, that's too much.
174
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,747
Every Adobe update is critical
175
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,715
and should be
installed immediately.
176
00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:32,317
But stupid Dad!
177
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:33,819
(computer bloops)
178
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:37,656
Who's watching me?
(computer bloops)
179
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:45,197
(cellphone blooping)
180
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,069
Who are you?
181
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,438
A guy who knows that
Amanda Duquette digs you.
182
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,174
And no shame in that.
She's a solid six.
183
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:59,344
Sixes and fives --
that's where the bargains are.
184
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:00,745
How do you know
about Amanda?
185
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,147
Oh, sorry. I'm Nat.
186
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,649
I work for
the National Security Agency.
187
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,986
We saw what you were doing
with your dad's computer,
188
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:11,256
and we think you, Steve Smith,
are N.S.A. material.
189
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:15,093
Really? Hey, do you ever listen
to my conversations with Snot?
190
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,628
(scoffs)
We're the N.S.A.
191
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,930
we got better things to do
than listen
192
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,799
to two confused kids
flirt with each other.
193
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,868
(chuckles) What a relief.
194
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,539
(birds chirping)
195
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,975
Your dad ditched you to go
to Applebee's with his friends.
196
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,610
How'd you know that?
197
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:37,115
We're the N.S.A. We know
who goes to Applebee's.
198
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,483
See, we don't learn stuff
199
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:39,985
the dumb,
old-fashioned C.I.A. way.
200
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,620
We use our heads here.
201
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,522
Come on.
Let me show you a movie.
202
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:45,891
I'm watching a lot
of movies today.
203
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,559
MAN: World War II
wasn't won by jocks.
204
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:50,962
It was won by nerds.
205
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,564
We built the first computers
206
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,834
and broke the Japanese
and German codes.
207
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,303
STEVE: Now, this one I got.
That's George Takei.
208
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,505
A single N.S.A. computer
209
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:04,209
does more than
a hundred C.I.A. agents.
210
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,078
We monitor
the world's communications.
211
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:11,516
If you're talking,
the N.S.A. is listening.
212
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:12,984
That's what keeps America safe.
213
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,753
(crunching)
That was George Takei.
214
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,421
Yeah, I said that already.
215
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,823
Sorry, I can't hear anything
when I'm munching my corns.
216
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:21,259
(crunches)
217
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,694
Mmm! (crunching)
218
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,096
Oh! Ohh!
219
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,899
Oh, I'm so disgusted
with myself,
220
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,435
but I can't stop
eating this.
221
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,337
What did I say?
You would love it.
222
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:34,039
And what happened?
You love it!
223
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:35,941
Oh, we're not stopping here,
Roger.
224
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,410
If I'm having a meat day,
I'm going all the way.
225
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:41,179
I want to get weird.
You mean...
226
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,915
Roger,
take me to Koreatown.
227
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,217
Take you? I mean,
can we just go to Koreatown?
228
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,353
What's gonna happen?
I'm gonna be driving,
229
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:50,055
and you're gonna sit
in the back?
230
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,424
I'm glad your son
didn't ruin our lunch.
231
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,060
It would've revolted me
to see his limp wrist
232
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,895
holding up
a chicken tender.
233
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,363
And Trish!
What would Trish think?
234
00:09:58,365 --> 00:09:59,898
Arm strength
isn't his thing.
235
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,900
Steve will find his thing,
I don't know,
236
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,535
working on a computer
someplace, like...
237
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:05,103
¶ Doop be doop be doop ¶
238
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,073
(laughs)
Nerds are like that.
239
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,608
¶ Doop be doop be doop ¶
(laughs)
240
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,543
(gasps)
That's not how I talk!
241
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:13,712
I don't say...
¶ Doop be doop be doop ¶
242
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,147
You guys are watching them
all the time?
243
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,816
Yeah, the more dirt
we get on them,
244
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,551
the more of their budget
we can take.
245
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,252
We've been trying to get on
to your dad's computer,
246
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,887
but we can't figure out
where he keeps his files.
247
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:25,824
(laughter)
¶ Doop be doop be doop ¶
248
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,392
How is he still doing it?
249
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:29,694
And how is he still
getting laughs?!
250
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,668
There you are. Hey,
sorry about lunch, buddy.
251
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,603
But thanks
for setting up Facebook.
252
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,238
Facebook...on!
253
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:44,409
Notify my friends of
my many accomplishments...on!
254
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,277
I need to take
your disks, okay?
255
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:50,415
To get them...
digitally cleaned.
256
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,317
Should I get the whole
computer cleaned?
257
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,685
Would that make it
happier?
258
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,021
No.
It doesn't feel anything.
259
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,657
Sometimes I wish
I was a computer.
260
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:01,026
You sound a little ominous,
Steve.
261
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,427
Is everything okay?
262
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,962
Yes, everything's fine.
263
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,898
Cool!
264
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,868
(squeaks)
265
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,770
Eat it, Hayley.
Eat it!
266
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,872
(shudders)
267
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:19,177
(groaning)
268
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,979
(slurps and gulps)
269
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,614
Oh, my God.
270
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,716
I could feel him fighting
all the way down my throat.
271
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,518
He did not wanna die.
272
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,354
Hayley,
what's your wildest fantasy?
273
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,022
I've been kidnapped
by three African guys,
274
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,657
and while
the whole village watches,
275
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:35,727
their most powerful warrior
demands that I disrobe.
276
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:38,196
Whoa, okay, fascinating.
Will return to.
277
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,532
But I meant
your wildest food fantasy.
278
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:43,234
I, uh...
I don't know if I should say.
279
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,236
Oh,
this is gonna be good!
280
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:49,074
I've always wanted to eat
a gorilla --
281
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,743
a gorilla that can speak
sign language.
282
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,244
I wanna eat its brain.
283
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,847
Oh,
that is truly horrifying.
284
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:59,417
Oh, I'm disgusted!
You should be disgusted.
285
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:02,787
But I do know a guy.
286
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:06,991
I can't believe this.
287
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,060
The C.I.A. would be stupid
to store their data this way.
288
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,395
They are stupids!
289
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,996
Oh, with what's on here,
290
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:14,599
we could take them down!
There won't even be a C.I.A.
291
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,501
Wait,
that seems a tad strong.
292
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:17,869
You don't get a vote.
293
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,604
I thought
I was N.S.A. material.
294
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:23,341
Not anymore. You're what we call
a "discarded asset."
295
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:24,676
(door whooshes)
Later, traitor.
296
00:12:24,678 --> 00:12:27,045
(gasps)
297
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,580
(door whooshes)
298
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:34,686
(door whooshes)
Sorry, gotta swipe you
out of this door, too.
299
00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:37,055
(door whooshes)
That'll get you
as far as the cafeteria.
300
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:38,623
Someone there will have to
swipe you to the garage.
301
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,558
Then you can just walk up
the ramp.
302
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,527
Technically, you have
to swipe at the top,
303
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:43,795
but it's just one of
those arm gates,
304
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:47,532
so you can just duck
under it. Uh, bye!
305
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,100
(door whooshes)
306
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:53,738
(crickets chirping)
307
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:57,208
Oh...
(mumbles indistinctly)
308
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,576
(playing harmonica)
309
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:02,247
The C.I.A.
what happened to the C.I.A.?
310
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,482
Hush, papa.
The C.I.A. is gone.
311
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,751
It's been gone
for a long time.
312
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:11,089
Who betrayed me?
Someone betrayed me.
313
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,924
Well, I did it.
314
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,960
I provided food
for the family.
315
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,262
It's Klaus.
316
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:18,730
But...but...
317
00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:22,133
(voice breaking)
We can't afford tartar sauce!
318
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,937
(all sobbing)
319
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:28,573
Well, I guess I'd better go
to my job as a stripper.
320
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:31,910
(horns honking)
321
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,913
(siren wailing)
322
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,481
What's happened?
(Latin music playing)
323
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,483
(Spanish accent)
With your C.I.A. gone,
324
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,518
it was easy for Cuba
to invade United States.
325
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,254
All hail Fidel!
(shouting indistinctly)
326
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,490
(gasps)
What a horrible nightmare.
327
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,792
And why did I include that
extra part
328
00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:49,994
where I actually saw
Mom stripping?
329
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,963
One problem at a time.
330
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,364
(snoring)
331
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:56,434
Dad. Dad, wake up.
I did something terrible.
332
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,669
I was snooping on you,
333
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,470
and I heard
what you said about me.
334
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,806
And I got so mad
I betrayed you to the N.S.A.
335
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,141
The N.S.A.?
336
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,475
I gave them
all your floppy disks,
337
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,810
and they're gonna use them
338
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:07,345
to put the C.I.A.
out of business!
339
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,814
I feel so awful.
How can I make this up to you?
340
00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:11,716
I'm afraid that's impossible,
son.
341
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,319
Wha...no! Papa, please!
342
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:17,722
Remember when you and I built
that fort out in the woods?
343
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:20,625
I'd suggest you go live
in that fort, Steve.
344
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,061
No traitors can live
under my roof.
345
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:26,064
Can --
Can I say goodbye to mom?
346
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,869
That's her waving goodbye,
Steve.
347
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:36,641
I'm on my own...
maybe forever.
348
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:40,245
(crying)
349
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:44,048
I should probably wait
to eat my snacks.
350
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,050
I'll just put 'em
where I can see 'em.
351
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:50,588
(thunder crashes)
352
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:53,591
(bird chirps)
353
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,393
(squawks)
354
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,028
(inhales deeply)
355
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:59,731
(Southern accent) So y'all wanna
eat a signing gorilla?
356
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,366
We got one. Mittens!
357
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:03,434
(door squeaks)
358
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,840
You got the money?
359
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:12,377
All right. You folks think
about wine pairings.
360
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,145
(stomp)
361
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,016
Are we okay with this?
362
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:20,385
After today,
I am never eating meat again.
363
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:21,853
But I'm going out on top.
364
00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:23,922
No, I mean,
are we okay with wine?
365
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,424
I've always heard beer
with gorilla brain.
366
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,494
(thunder crashing)
367
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,198
(Steve shivering)
368
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,800
Why did I betray my dad?
369
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,102
And why did I eat
all my snacks?
370
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,705
You'll always have snacks
as long as I'm around.
371
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:41,973
Dad!
372
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,275
Steve,
I was hurt you betrayed me.
373
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,611
But now I can see
where it came from.
374
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,112
I was just so mad.
375
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,648
You told your friends
I wasn't C.I.A. material!
376
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,784
And then I turned out
not to be!
377
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:55,386
Whoa, buck up, son.
I'm sorry I said that.
378
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:56,888
And I was wrong, anyway.
379
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:58,957
I mean,
you figured out my plan.
380
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,591
You're right. I...
Your plan?
381
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,894
You knew I'd never
kick you out of the house.
382
00:16:02,896 --> 00:16:05,229
I just needed to get you
somewhere where I knew
383
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,965
the N.S.A.
couldn't snoop on us.
384
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,599
Right. Your plan.
385
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:12,103
That's why I could afford to eat
all my snacks right away.
386
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,639
I didn't have to play
the long game.
387
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,477
Now, where do you think
my disks are?
388
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,479
Forget the disks.
They've uploaded the data.
389
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,481
They won't be clouded yet,
not secure enough.
390
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,517
But it will be somewhere
backed up on their server farm.
391
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,252
Okay, I don't know
what any of that means.
392
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,088
The crucial thing is
we get those disks back.
393
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,956
How are we gonna get
in there?
394
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,959
They have triple lock,
fingerprint encryption systems.
395
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:36,327
Did you check the roof?
396
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,595
Nerds never go up
on the roof.
397
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,297
'Cause of the sun.
398
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:43,634
(pop, rope whirs)
399
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,370
Come on, Steve!
Follow me up!
400
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:48,706
A rope climb?
Dad, I can't do it!
401
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,141
Sure, you can, Steve!
402
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,777
I don't always say it,
but I believe in you!
403
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,712
(groans)
404
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:58,383
(grunting)
405
00:16:58,385 --> 00:16:59,717
(groans)
406
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:03,121
I'm doing it!
All by myself.
407
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:06,290
(grunts) Uh-oh.
408
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,526
Here's where the rubbing
starts to feel funny.
409
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,561
This'll be a bad time
for a boner.
410
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,730
Don't think about
the rope at school.
411
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:15,133
Aah! (panting)
412
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,735
I did it! Go home?
413
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,570
Job's not done, son.
414
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:21,773
(metal clangs, thuds)
415
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:27,545
Well, isn't this cute?
Father and son.
416
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,380
Yeah, that's right.
417
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:33,251
This is my dad,
Stan Smith of the C.I.A.
418
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:36,087
C.I.A.?!
No, The-Theodore!
419
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:38,189
(sighs) Shoot them.
420
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,091
You ever even fire
that thing, son?
421
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:43,094
(nerdy voice) No. I downloaded
a PDF about gun use.
422
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,562
Shoot him!
423
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,331
(gunshot, glass shatters)
Aah! So loud!
424
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:50,501
You're just a bunch of nerds.
What do bullies do to nerds?
425
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,003
Steve?
426
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:53,337
A purple nurple!
427
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:55,940
Ah, ah, ah!
Titty twister!
428
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:59,710
Ow!
Okay, now how 'bout one
that's not on the nipple?
429
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:02,613
Noogie!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
430
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,716
Quit punching yourself!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
431
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,185
Pig belly!
(slapping sound)
432
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:11,089
Aah, aah, aah, aah, aah!
Wedgie! No. Atomic wedgie!
433
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,557
(high-pitched voice)
Aah, aah, aah!
434
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,793
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Ah, ah, ah!
435
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,062
Aah! Ow, ow, ow.
436
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:22,266
You're what we call...
a discarded asshole.
437
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,868
(door whooshes)
438
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,236
Lousy machines.
439
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,939
Storing
America's private data.
440
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:29,273
(clanking)
441
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,442
Dad, dad!
I know a better way.
442
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,178
They're all connected
in a series.
443
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,648
Like Christmas lights, papa.
444
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:42,787
(electricity crackling)
445
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,589
(machines powering down)
No!
446
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:50,228
Error 404 --
N.S.A. files not found.
447
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,096
Nat, are you gonna take
that underwear off your head?
448
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:56,134
It's the only thing
that feels good right now.
449
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,636
(crickets chirping)
450
00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,937
(fork clinks)
451
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,406
Mmm, I think I just ate
the memory
452
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,143
of when it was taken away
from its mom.
453
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:07,078
So, no sides at all?
454
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:10,748
(fork clinks)
455
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,985
Mmm, oh...
456
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,687
Oh, no.
Oh, this was a mistake.
457
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,589
You're damn right it was!
458
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,759
Gus Derwitt, U.S. Fish
& Wildlife Service.
459
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,328
We got you on tape
eating an endangered species.
460
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,030
That's
a 10-year prison term.
461
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:28,533
Please, she accidentally ate
veal this morning.
462
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,201
You can see how
we got here.
463
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:32,436
We're so sorry!
Please don't turn us in!
464
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:35,206
Hmm, well, my hands
aren't exactly clean either.
465
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,774
There was probably a way
to do this
466
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,277
without butchering
a gorilla.
467
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:41,712
Tell you what,
give me $10,000,
468
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,447
I'll let you walk.
469
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,050
I have $60.
470
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:48,986
I have two stamps
and a used ticket
471
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,555
to Chicago's
Adler Planetarium.
472
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:54,192
Hand it over and get out of here
before I change my mind.
473
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:59,964
(gulps)
There should be sides.
474
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,500
We got 60 bucks
475
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:06,704
and whatever two Forever stamps
is worth these days.
476
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,673
(growls)
477
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,641
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
478
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,344
(grunts)
479
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:14,645
(growls)
480
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,547
The old gorilla brain
switcheroo
481
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,549
doesn't play like
it used to.
482
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,384
Maybe we need
a new swindle.
483
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:25,056
You wanna grift with
someone else? That's fine.
484
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,592
But you still gon' be
my husband.
485
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:29,160
(grunts)
486
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,400
Tonight, you proved
you are C.I.A. material.
487
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:38,569
We just did
a mission together.
488
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,937
Put her there.
489
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:43,274
Hmm, nothing we can do
about the sweat.
490
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:44,942
That's from
your mom's side.
491
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,777
But you can tighten up
the grip.
492
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,112
All right, all right.
493
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,014
Still pretty weak,
but getting there.
494
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,349
(groans)
495
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:54,585
There it is!
Now that's a handshake.
496
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,587
Cute kid.
You leaving him as a tip?
497
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:57,955
(laughter)
498
00:20:57,957 --> 00:20:59,924
'Cause last time,
you didn't leave a tip.
499
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:02,126
Trish.
Trish.
500
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:04,128
Bye! Have a beautiful time!