1 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,003 ANNOUNCER: Feeling a little tired 2 00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:06,138 of America's number-one sport, football? 3 00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,706 God, they're pathetic! 4 00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,775 There's got to be a better way. 5 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:12,378 And there already is. 6 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:15,047 Arena football! 7 00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:17,182 Unforgiving sideline barriers! 8 00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,484 (bones crack, cheers and applause) 9 00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,020 Water cannons! 10 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,321 (bones crack) (screams) 11 00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:25,624 And you better watch out for... 12 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,060 the Black Knight! 13 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:30,129 It's arena football. 14 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,997 And the indoor thrills are coming your way 15 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:34,566 as the league welcomes its newest expansion team -- 16 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:38,003 the Langley Falls Bazooka Sharks! 17 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:40,539 Finally! Yeah! 18 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,741 Yeah! Ah! Yeah! 19 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,043 Yeah! 20 00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,744 Yeah! Yeah! 21 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,179 Yeah! 22 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,414 Yeah! 23 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:51,283 (all shouting) 24 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:57,156 ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 25 00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:00,492 ¶ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶ 26 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:03,595 ¶ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ¶ 27 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:07,833 ¶ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ¶ 28 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:13,005 ¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶ 29 00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:15,240 ¶ Good -- ¶ ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 30 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,642 Aah! 31 00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:21,313 ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 32 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:28,854 Old Man Hansen, do you sell Bazooka Sharks merchandise? 33 00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,623 I'm looking for one of those Snuggies with a built-in diaper 34 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,258 and a place I can put my driver's license. 35 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,794 That blasted arena football team! 36 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:38,397 We've been here three generations, 37 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:41,533 and now they're tearing us down to put in the new stadium. 38 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,236 You poor old man. 39 00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:46,705 This lamp sucks. I'll give you 2 bucks for it. 40 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,774 Mom! That is disgusting. 41 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,110 Taking advantage of -- Wait. Half off this bird cage? 42 00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:53,378 Please, I could really use this. 43 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,647 I foster abused birds. 44 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,883 I'd like to put a candle in it. 45 00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,219 I still have one shot to save the store. 46 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:03,388 There's a town council meeting about the stadium tonight. 47 00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:06,158 Tonight, eh? Oh, I'll be there. 48 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,328 Please don't come if you're gonna support the stadium. 49 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,964 It's too late. 50 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,836 What's to become of you with the store closing, Petruchio? 51 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,839 It could-a be time to find the guy who killed my brother. 52 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,774 Mm, now, what is this lining? 53 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,410 Is a fine Bemberg lining, Mr. Steve. 54 00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,646 Bemberg, not silk. 55 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,482 Well, you've been right about this kind of thing before. 56 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,851 Snot went nuts for me in paisley. 57 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:35,320 Inseam always-a 20 inches. 58 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,322 I-Is that unusual? 59 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:40,459 You see, all the other boys -- bum, bum, bum, 60 00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:41,927 they are growing. 61 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:45,764 You -- bum, bum, bum. You hear the difference? 62 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,300 They go on to men's-a department. 63 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:51,203 But you stay with Petruchio. 64 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,972 Y-You're telling me I'm not growing at all? 65 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,841 Not in two years. 66 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,944 And it says it's been-a three days since-a you poop. 67 00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:01,647 Let me see that book. 68 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:04,016 A-never. 69 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,790 I am not growing! Look! 70 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,325 Nothing's happening! 71 00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,460 Yeah, when we flew to Hawaii last summer, 72 00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:17,062 you sat on Dad's lap for free. 73 00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:18,530 I haven't grown in years. 74 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,699 And it's actually quite liberating. 75 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,302 Gives me time to focus on all my other shit. 76 00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:25,304 B-B-But what if I never grow again? 77 00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,573 Look, if you really want to do something, 78 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:30,842 I know a doctor who specializes in growth treatments. 79 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,412 A specialist -- that's where the money is. 80 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,581 I should probably talk to my dad about this. 81 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,182 Steve, you want to talk? 82 00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,418 Oh, yeah. I wanted to ask you -- There's no time. 83 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,919 Your mother and I have to hurry 84 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,354 down to the town council meeting. 85 00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,722 I hope they let me speak. 86 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,757 I didn't put my name on a list or anything. 87 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,360 Of course they'll let you, honey. You're tall. 88 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:51,163 You're right. I'm to be taken seriously. 89 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,366 Oh, Steve, that really ties into 90 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,602 what you were talking about earlier. 91 00:03:56,604 --> 00:04:00,505 BUCKLE: The sign outside needs to be updated. 92 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,774 And I say we just break the glass 93 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,711 instead of continuing this preposterous 30-year search 94 00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:07,079 for the key. 95 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,714 And I say the key is still out there. 96 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,015 Agreed. 97 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,219 We'll now hear the last of the community objections 98 00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:16,054 to the arena football stadium. 99 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,956 First up is Old Man Hansen. 100 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,524 (clears throat) 101 00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,927 Good people of Langley Falls, 102 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,463 I ask you to join me 103 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:28,467 in standing up to the no-good crooks on our city council. 104 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:31,770 These bums are lining their pockets with their dirty deals, 105 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,406 and they need to be hogtied and thrown down a well! 106 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:35,974 (clears throat) 107 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:38,477 Sorry. I'm a little nervous. 108 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,145 You're doing great. 109 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,214 It's important for Langley Falls 110 00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:44,816 to protect our historic places. 111 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:49,421 Also, while I'm up here, my name isn't Old Man Hansen. 112 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:52,257 It's Olmen -- Olmen Hansen. 113 00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:54,559 It's Swedish. I'm 43. 114 00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:57,229 I think we've all heard just about enough from Old Man H. 115 00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,298 He doesn't know what he's talking about. 116 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,166 If you don't count our two hockey teams 117 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,068 and our championship basketball squad -- 118 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:05,737 Go, Lizards -- we have no indoor sports in this town. 119 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:09,141 We need indoor sports for the times when it's raining! 120 00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,577 Look at this beautiful vision of the future. 121 00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:15,747 It's time for us to join the ranks of the other great cities 122 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,150 in the Arena League Mid-Atlantic Conference. 123 00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:21,520 I'm talking Wilkes-Barre, Harrisburg, Wilmington. 124 00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,322 [Bleep] Wilmington! 125 00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,090 Great cities have to move forward. 126 00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,192 And you know what else has to move forward? 127 00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:28,927 Uh, parades? 128 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,963 Sharks. Bazooka sharks. 129 00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:34,533 Wow. Parades isn't wrong. 130 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,601 We can't go back to the past. 131 00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:40,038 We can't go back to a time before arena football. 132 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,040 No go back! 133 00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,308 ALL: (chanting "No go back") 134 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,010 Wait, what is this? 135 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,445 COUNCILMAN #2: Oh, just some tree that's gonna be cut down 136 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,113 to make way for the arena. 137 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:52,217 I'd like to go back on my previous statement. 138 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,820 (all gasp) But no go back. 139 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,688 This stadium cannot happen. 140 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,357 Mr. Smith, 141 00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:00,058 you've made a passionate case in favor of progress, 142 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:03,662 and now, before us and God and the Langley charter, 143 00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:06,531 you mysteriously reverse your position? 144 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:10,902 You are, simply put, the most electric speaker I've ever seen. 145 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,505 I-I just think we're, uh, rushing into things. 146 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,173 That's what I'm saying. 147 00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,542 Can someone put Grandpa to bed? I'm trying to talk here. 148 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,745 We went to high school together! 149 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:22,681 Let's get real, you guys. Do we even want this stadium? 150 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:25,183 Arena football is kind of lame. 151 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,018 (all gasp) Mr. Smith, 152 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,987 what is really going on here? 153 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,990 It obviously has something to do with that tree. 154 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,593 Now, come on. You can talk to us. 155 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:38,897 We're your town council. We love you. 156 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,366 (sighs) All right. 157 00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:44,770 If you must know, that tree... 158 00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,905 that tree is my father. 159 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,508 What does that even mean? 160 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,676 It means he's half tree. 161 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:55,781 Question is, what's the other half? 162 00:07:01,355 --> 00:07:03,789 (indistinct shouting) Order, order. 163 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,425 Stenographer, can you read those last parts back? 164 00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:09,127 And then Mr. Smith said, "That tree is my father," 165 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,930 at which point, the stenographer blacked out from excitement 166 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,532 and the record stops. 167 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,966 I apologize to the council. 168 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,902 I ate some almonds. I'm good now. 169 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,237 Mr. Smith, I think we're ready to hear what you mean 170 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,072 when you say this tree is your father. 171 00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,909 Okay. I'll tell you. 172 00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,243 (chairs creak) 173 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,611 I was just a little -- 174 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:27,879 (chairs creak) 175 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,448 I was just -- (chair creaks) 176 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:30,849 Is everyone comfortable? 177 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,719 I was just a little kid. 178 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,589 The father-son picnic. 179 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:41,426 And, as usual, my dad, Jack, was the only one who didn't show up. 180 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,261 I felt so alone. 181 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:46,798 But then -- then I wasn't. 182 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,968 After that, I came back every day after school. 183 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:53,939 I know this sounds crazy, but the tree raised me. 184 00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:56,641 He taught me how to play catch. 185 00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,910 He watched me grow. 186 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:05,016 He helped me start my first business, 187 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,018 even gave me my product. 188 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:11,122 Turns out magnolia juice is as poisonous as it is delicious. 189 00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,593 And no matter what, he kept me safe. 190 00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:23,835 His mighty roots connected me to something constant, 191 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,604 something I could depend on, 192 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,807 when so often life is cruel and unreliable. 193 00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:33,512 He has been and always will be there for me. 194 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,449 Please don't kill my tree daddy. 195 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:39,451 My God, Stan. 196 00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:42,354 How come I've never heard of this tree father before? 197 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:43,822 I've brought you there tons of time. 198 00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,323 I made us have our wedding there. 199 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,993 Oh. I just thought you were a cheap asshole. 200 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:51,029 In light of new facts and emotions, 201 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,733 I move to cancel the stadium construction. 202 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,301 All in favor? 203 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,003 ALL: Aye. 204 00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,371 All opposed? 205 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:00,705 (all gasp) 206 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,708 It's Dom Fikowski, the asphalt king. 207 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,243 He runs asphalt in this town. 208 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,745 Don't you think I know that? 209 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,247 Y'all know me. Y'all know what I do. 210 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:13,018 I sling the hot stuff, the flat makings, the stone carpet. 211 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:16,321 I'm sure you folks are hearing a lot of objections to the arena. 212 00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:19,858 Taxes, traffic, crime -- so much crime. 213 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,092 Crime is a problem. 214 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,861 Think of the advantages 215 00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,163 from an asphalt-pouring standpoint. 216 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,065 With the new parking lots alone, 217 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,535 we're looking at two square miles of sizzling-hot tarmac. 218 00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:32,404 When the sun starts beating on it, 219 00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:35,340 the average temperature around town is gonna go up 10 degrees. 220 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,909 With all the balmy, roasting breezes, 221 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:41,179 it's gonna feel like we're on permanent vacation. 222 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,847 ALL: Ooh. 223 00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,516 And if you're still on the fence, 224 00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:47,285 allow me to get you off... the fence 225 00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,688 with some free asphalt. 226 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,222 Aw! 227 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,825 (laughs) It burns. 228 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:57,629 The stadium is back on. 229 00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:58,964 (gavel bangs) 230 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,535 Roger, you can't build the stadium. 231 00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:06,304 You're standing here in a parking lot I poured, 232 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,273 asking me not to pour asphalt? 233 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,442 Pouring asphalt is what I do, Stan. 234 00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:13,411 If you do this, it would mean the death of my dad tree. 235 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:16,915 Ugh. I really wanted this pour. 236 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,951 But out of respect for our friendship, 237 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,888 I'll withdraw my bid, kill the project, and save your tree. 238 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:29,227 We did it, Tree Dad. They're not gonna cut you down. 239 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,796 And it's all thanks to Roger. 240 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,898 That paper boy always finds me. 241 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,134 PAPER BOY: It's 'cause I'm in love with you. 242 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,304 "Stadium off... 243 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,905 to the races." 244 00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:42,173 What? 245 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,242 "Carconi Brothers pick up construction bid 246 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,244 after Fikowski drops out." 247 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,480 Carconi Brothers. 248 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:52,317 I knew it would be you. 249 00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,919 You have to cancel this project. You promised. 250 00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,955 But I don't control anything around here. 251 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:58,690 I'm just dumb old Frankie. 252 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,159 My twin brother, Freddie's, the boss, and what he says goes. 253 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,795 I screw up a lot. Stupid Frankie. 254 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:07,298 So, your twin brother is who I have to talk to? 255 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,367 So tedious. 256 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,369 FREDDIE: Damn it, Frankie! 257 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,105 You just let some nut come in and open my plywood door? 258 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,640 He was so fast, Freddie. 259 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:18,009 You have a human brother? 260 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,612 Oh, yeah. And Mama just loves Freddie. 261 00:11:20,614 --> 00:11:22,347 She lets him have sex with girls 262 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:25,283 but puts my ear to the stove for playing with the chickens. 263 00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,686 How's that figure, you stupid mama? 264 00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,521 (gasps) I'm sorry, Mama. 265 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,022 (smooching) 266 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,527 I-I-I can't get into this right now. 267 00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:37,896 You can't tear down my tree father. 268 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,664 I can't stop it. 269 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:42,133 I'm drowning in bulldozer invoices. 270 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,002 I'm supposed to keep the yellow copy, 271 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:45,470 but the purple one's prettier. 272 00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:50,742 What can I do for you today, little buddy? 273 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:53,411 You want to do something about that skin? 274 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:56,881 I'm here because it's come to my attention that I am not growing. 275 00:11:56,883 --> 00:12:00,185 (laughs) You want to know the secret to growing? 276 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,420 Get lots of sleep, eat lots of veggies, 277 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,556 and always remember your inner worth, 278 00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:07,192 'cause that'll make you feel 10 feet tall. 279 00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:08,526 Oh. 280 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:09,928 Klaus made it sound like 281 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,930 you might have more immediate solutions. 282 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,331 You know Klaus? 283 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:18,503 (German accent) That changes everything. 284 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:21,506 Much can be done about your height. 285 00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:26,578 Are you familiar with the abominable sciences? 286 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:31,182 There's bone splicing, giraffe marrow transplant. 287 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:34,385 I could boil your brain in gorilla hormones. 288 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,588 I also have unorthodox options. 289 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:39,190 For instance, I could have your soul 290 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,793 put into the body of something taller. 291 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:45,897 How comfortable are you with the serpent god Oxumaré? 292 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,632 Not super comfortable. 293 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,101 We'll stick to surgery, then! 294 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,303 I'd like to think on it. 295 00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,606 What's there to think about? 296 00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:58,643 If B.B. King had come to me, he would have never died... 297 00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:00,812 at the height he was. 298 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:03,081 The Carconi Brothers are coming to tear you down. 299 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,716 They're coming, 300 00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:07,385 and -- and I don't have any ideas about how to stop them. 301 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:10,321 (engines rumble) 302 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:14,292 Get out of the way, you tree-hugging fruit. 303 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,061 So, you think I'm a fruit, huh? 304 00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:20,665 Well, then a fruit I shall become. 305 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:23,301 Oh, my God, Freddie, we can't chop down a tree 306 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,069 with a homosexual man in it. 307 00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:26,604 Ugh, no. 308 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,474 I made a gay slur, then he threw it back in my face 309 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:32,143 by acting like the kind of fruit that grows on trees. 310 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,979 Everybody thinks so fast. 311 00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:41,085 Stan Smith, remove yourself from the tree immediately. 312 00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:43,454 Not until you promise you won't cut it down. 313 00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:45,323 That's a great idea. 314 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,226 I'll go and get on the roof of my store right -- 315 00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,464 I'm so sorry. 316 00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:56,100 Can I offer you a temporary tattoo? 317 00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,702 I'll get him down, Freddie. 318 00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,604 I know just how to play this guy. 319 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,872 Please get down. 320 00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:03,341 Freddie says the budget's so tight 321 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,510 that if you delay us just seven days, 322 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,646 the whole thing'll be canceled, saving your stupid tree. 323 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,348 Seven days? 324 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,851 I can do that for my tree dad. 325 00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:14,686 (gasps) Dumb Frankie. 326 00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:16,154 Dumb. Dumb. 327 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,555 W-What are you, uh -- 328 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,691 W-What do you get out of this Frankie thing? 329 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,360 Actually, I get some great intel for Fikowski Asphalt. 330 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,562 It's me, Dom Fikowski. 331 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,198 You'll never make it a week. 332 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,901 ¶¶ 333 00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:39,377 (wind whistles) 334 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,323 (all shouting) 335 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,787 (wind whistles) 336 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,699 (wind whistles) 337 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:37,201 (thunder cracks) 338 00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:51,983 Dr. Kalgary, I've decided I -- Oh, you're with a patient. 339 00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:54,419 It's just Billy. He's part of the program. 340 00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:56,321 One of my success stories. 341 00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:59,057 I used to be six inches tall. 342 00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,459 Now I'm Daddy's favorite. 343 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,761 Look at me walk. 344 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:06,164 Oh, my God. 345 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,968 W-Well, despite...this, I still want the operation. 346 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,469 I need to grow. 347 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,071 Wonderful! 348 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:15,840 You'll be able to look over any stall in the men's room 349 00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,675 and see what's happening. 350 00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:20,311 Hooray. 351 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,984 It's coming to the end of day 7 in -- 352 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,785 Oop, that weird Carconi brother 353 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,254 who's always telling everyone he's an honorary firefighter 354 00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:31,622 is approaching the tree now. 355 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,825 Well, Freddie says once the sun sets, 356 00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:35,660 we got to send the crew home. 357 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,328 That means the stadium's dead 358 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,964 and he's not gonna take me to Mountain Mike's Pizza. 359 00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:42,834 (voice breaking) And it's the sauciest pizza. 360 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,837 Oh, my sweet flesh family. 361 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,439 Come, be with me in my hour of triumph. 362 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,141 Honey, you've blown me away 363 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,610 with your commitment to this hunger strike. 364 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,479 It wasn't supposed to be a hunger strike. 365 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:55,980 I kept asking you to bring me food. 366 00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:57,782 But I stood strong. 367 00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,952 Hayley, who would have thought that between the two of us, 368 00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:03,054 I'd be the first one to save a tree? 369 00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,489 I've saved lots of trees. 370 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,457 I'm sorry. You're right, sweetie. 371 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:09,827 Not ever buying or reading books is also a way of saving trees. 372 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,195 Where's Steve? 373 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,830 Yeah, where is Steve? 374 00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,298 Oh, you guys don't know? 375 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,734 Steve's with my associate, Dr. Kalgary, 376 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,903 about to undergo an irreversible, 377 00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:21,672 fabulously risky, height-boosting procedure. 378 00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:23,041 What? What? 379 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,675 Steve will be sliced into pieces, 380 00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:26,177 and when he's reassembled, 381 00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,179 he'll be exactly like the boy you remember, 382 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:31,849 only taller and with a lot more bones... 383 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,151 if he lives. 384 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,519 Oh, God. 385 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,821 Why would Steve do something like this? 386 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,023 Wait, does he think he stopped growing? 387 00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:41,426 Yeah, that's right. I know what this is about. 388 00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:43,728 You do? Yep. 389 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,830 Well? 390 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:49,000 It's sounds like he could use some guidance, Stan. 391 00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:51,169 I agree. But for whatever reason, 392 00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,371 he never developed a relationship with a tree. 393 00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,705 Poor kid. 394 00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:57,909 I think you can be his tree. 395 00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,545 A human tree father. 396 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,180 It sounds so stupid. 397 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:05,917 But to hell with how it sounds. Steve needs me. 398 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:12,090 But if I leave to save him, they're gonna cut you down. 399 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,125 (wind whistles) 400 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:19,931 You're right. Steve's my responsibility now. 401 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,033 You're still teaching me. 402 00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:25,303 I guess...this is goodbye. 403 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,040 I love you, Tree Daddy. 404 00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:32,944 He's gone! 405 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:35,246 (singsong voice) Frankie gets the pizza. 406 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,781 (sobs) 407 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,151 ¶ The surgeon cuts at night ¶ 408 00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,820 ¶ The surgeon cuts at night ¶ 409 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,889 ¶ I'm gonna cut you, Steve ¶ 410 00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:47,892 ¶ I'm gonna cut you right ¶ 411 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,761 Actually, uh, you know, I think I've changed my mi-- 412 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,463 Oh. 413 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,099 They always get cold feet. 414 00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:58,636 And I always cut them off. 415 00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:03,241 Aah! 416 00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:15,286 STEVE: Oh, my God. I'm so tall. 417 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,088 It's gonna take some getting used to. 418 00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:19,123 Aaaaah! 419 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:21,359 Aaaaaah! 420 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:23,961 Look out, Steve. I made things worse for you. 421 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,930 Hold on, son. I can climb up. 422 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,366 (voice breaking) Someone taught me how. 423 00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:29,700 Dad, get it together! 424 00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:31,569 Coming. 425 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,773 (saw whirring) 426 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,108 (metal creaking) 427 00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:40,611 Aaaah! 428 00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,548 You're here. 429 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,049 Of course I am. 430 00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:46,884 It's what dads do. 431 00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:50,288 Even when their kid's a stupid shorty? 432 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,024 Steve, there's something I have to show you. 433 00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,725 (siren wailing) 434 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,127 (gasps) The fuzz! 435 00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:59,697 Time to see if your wings work, Billy! 436 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,736 Run, Billy! 437 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,042 When I was a boy, 438 00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:13,177 I used to carve my height here on the bark. 439 00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:15,479 This extra-deep one is from a few years 440 00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,014 where I didn't grow at all. 441 00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:19,050 It's called the Smith Stall. 442 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,652 But eventually, I shot up six inches. 443 00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:23,054 So I will get tall. 444 00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,856 But even if I didn't, it doesn't matter 445 00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:28,759 because I have a dad who loves me. 446 00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,862 You're gonna get tall. 447 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:37,168 So, this tree w-was like a dad to you or something? 448 00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:39,270 I know. We'll both miss him. 449 00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:42,073 But he goes on now to a greater purpose. 450 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:45,476 May his timber bring shelter to a deserving soul. 451 00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:56,921 Please don't cut down this tree. It's like a father to me. 452 00:20:56,923 --> 00:21:02,226 The world...needs ...ax handles. 453 00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:04,195 Bye! Have a beautiful time!