1 00:00:02,269 --> 00:00:04,036 Announcer: It's game day! 2 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:07,539 And the Rockville Gorilla Stars are coming to the Sharks' Nest! 3 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:08,874 A capacity crowd is expected 4 00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:10,776 for the first Bazooka Sharks game 5 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,012 since quarterback Johnny Concussion's death. 6 00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:16,115 Johnny's ashes and carbonized bone chunks will be on display 7 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,649 in a football-shaped urn, 8 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:20,686 which should be a real treat for the kiddies! 9 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:23,288 Hey, bud. Got a little kink in your line. 10 00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,957 It's okay. No one's perfect. 11 00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:26,892 Except everyone who works for me! 12 00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:28,127 You're fired! 13 00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:30,863 I want you to crank the pressure on these tanks. 14 00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:33,298 People want to see their juice drink 15 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,701 really hit the walls and cascade around. 16 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:39,405 These foam fingers are heavier than they usually are. 17 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:42,241 And you're not the usual delivery guy. 18 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:45,411 There's usually one of you, not eight. 19 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:47,746 And you all have ponytails. 20 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:51,383 I hate ponytails. I am not signing -- 21 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:57,189 It's gonna be a hell of a game. 22 00:00:57,191 --> 00:01:00,692 [ Horns honking ] 23 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:04,229 Rockin' Ronnie: It's gonna be a hell of a game! 24 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:08,934 People are saying it's... gonna be a hell of a game. 25 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,569 I heard that. 26 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,038 When I, uh, got these tickets from work, 27 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,442 I was surprised you were down to take the other one. 28 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,243 When I said yes, I thought you had four, 29 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,280 so Mom and Steve could kind of keep the conversation going. 30 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,048 You know what? This will be great. 31 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,450 Just us. 32 00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:27,252 And now, Rockin' Ronnie's gonna rest his voice 33 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,754 till the game starts. 34 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,622 [ Sighs ] 35 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:33,025 [ Dramatic music plays ] 36 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:43,435 [ Crowd cheering ] 37 00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:48,307 Look at all the people. Good crowd. 38 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,309 Popular place. 39 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:53,145 Well, I'm gonna pop out and get us some Zooka Dogs. 40 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,446 Hey, you could stay here. 41 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,582 Hot hot dogs -- right at your seat! 42 00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:57,883 No need to walk around. 43 00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,252 But this guy doesn't have any beers. 44 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,620 I got two extra beers. 45 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,489 You'd be doing me a favor if you took them. 46 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,257 It's very rude to eavesdrop. 47 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:08,594 Before the game, a reminder that all noise makers, 48 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:13,065 vuvuzelas, and air horns are strictly encouraged! 49 00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:14,500 [ Horns blaring ] 50 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,969 Never let the decibels drop! 51 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:19,171 Except at halftime, when, in memory of Johnny Concussion, 52 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,140 there will be a respectful moment of silence. 53 00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:24,343 A moment of bone-crushing silence, 54 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,612 presented by Baby Bel Cheese! 55 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,947 So, when's the game start? 56 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,583 Kickoff's in 15 minutes -- which sounds like a lot, 57 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,018 but if we just break it down 58 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,854 into 900 easy-to-digest one-second chunks... 59 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,923 You know what? I need something 60 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,691 I can only get in the concourse -- a key chain! 61 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,293 Here you go, mister. Take mine. 62 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:41,894 Leave me alone! 63 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:50,269 Smartest move I ever made, buying the Bazooka Sharks. 64 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,703 All these fools are 65 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:55,274 literally paying to sit in this building. 66 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,542 They're idiots! 67 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,977 We are supposed to eat these, right? 68 00:02:58,979 --> 00:02:59,878 I believe so, yes. 69 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,813 Excuse me. Cutting in front. 70 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:03,782 It's okay, I'm a hired escort. 71 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,551 Hmm. Don't be so shocked. 72 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,718 All the girls are escorts. 73 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,453 What, you think hot girls like us 74 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:10,222 would hang out with toads like you? 75 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:11,323 Ha! Dream on! 76 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,724 What's your name, darling? 77 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:15,360 Tawny Luxardo -- one of the escorts you hired... 78 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,495 to have sex for money. 79 00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:17,963 Listen, I got V.I.P.s here. 80 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:20,065 Stop telling everyone you're an escort. 81 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,967 Gotcha. Low-key, I'm all over it. 82 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,169 I'll circulate, but give me the signal -- 83 00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:27,406 two taps on the nose and I'll come running to suck you off. 84 00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,074 Did you just do it? I blinked. 85 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,242 [ Groans ] 86 00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:31,743 [ Knock on door ] 87 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:36,515 It's the luxury box dessert cart! 88 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,916 -All right! -Well done! 89 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,885 I want the biggest chocolate cake! 90 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,421 Gotta watch my figure, though. I'm a hooker. 91 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,590 Say, aren't you fellas a little early? 92 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,425 [ All gasp ] 93 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:49,661 Oh, I'd say we're right on time. 94 00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,097 Huddle up, team. 95 00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:54,866 I'm the quarterback and here's the play. 96 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,736 We get the combination to the safe, and then we disappear. 97 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,605 No one gets hurt and everybody wins. 98 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,273 It will be a real touchdown. 99 00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:04,610 I'm Cyrus Mooney, boy. I don't negotiate with -- 100 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:05,911 [ Silenced gunshot ] 101 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,613 -[ Gasps ] -Oh, my God! 102 00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:10,382 I was just talking to him! -Cyrus fumbled. 103 00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:11,950 Now, while we crack the safe, 104 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,720 my men are putting bombs around the arena. 105 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,289 So if anyone tries to call an audible 106 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:20,859 and contact someone outside this room, kablooey. 107 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,427 -My God! -We're gonna die! 108 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,930 Oh, of course -- right after I do a huge Costco run. 109 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,099 Bury me with all my almonds. 110 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:36,141 Okay, okay, but how many napkins do you go through in a day? 111 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,910 Look, buddy, it seems like you're avoiding something 112 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,213 or someone by asking me ridiculous questions. 113 00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:43,982 It's not ridiculous to ask how many pepperoni slices 114 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,651 go on a personal pan pizza. 115 00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,119 And I told you, it's four. 116 00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:50,055 And I told you I saw five once. 117 00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,791 Avoiding someone. The nerve! 118 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,427 [ Gasps ] It's Dwight the Great White! 119 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,462 Dwight, do the Shark Shuffle! 120 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,031 The Shark Shuffle, Great Dwight. 121 00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:04,670 [ Door closes ] 122 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:06,805 How hard is it to do this? 123 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,677 Is that a bomb, Great Dwight? 124 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,679 [ Grunts ] 125 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,014 [ Gasps ] 126 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,617 You're not the Asian woman who plays Great Dwight! 127 00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,419 What have you done with Lee Tran? 128 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,754 [ Grunting ] 129 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:31,797 ¶ And the rocket's red glare ¶ 130 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:35,334 ¶ The bombs bursting up the air ¶ 131 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:36,635 Where's Dad? 132 00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:39,438 He loves Sky Crooner... for some reason. 133 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,606 [ Grunting ] 134 00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:42,874 [ Steam hisses ] 135 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:46,845 -[ Screams ] -Yes! Enjoy the facial. 136 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,015 Wow. That is really hot steam. 137 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:52,617 Terrorist: Hans, what's taking so long? 138 00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:54,052 Hans?! 139 00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,555 I was bragging to everyone about how fast you were. 140 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,757 Nobody's faster than Hans, I said. 141 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,931 Dad? 142 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,068 Lee Tran's dead?! 143 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:13,071 And you guys must be, fingers crossed, her husbands, 144 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,539 looking to avenge her death... 145 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,041 with their new friend Hayley? 146 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:21,513 Terrorist: Hans, why aren't you responding, Hans? 147 00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:22,814 Hans, are you mad at me? 148 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,550 Yeah, he's real steamed. 149 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,152 What?! Who is this?! 150 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,920 Your worst nightmare, bad guy. 151 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,423 Foiling your plans will be the perfect distraction 152 00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:34,159 from having awkward conversation with my daughter. 153 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,994 God, why is it so -- -Hello! 154 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,063 You have to hold the button down. 155 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,765 You can't just push it once. 156 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,266 Get your hands off me! 157 00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,268 -They have Hayley! -Put her with the others! 158 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:46,071 Roger: Hayley, welcome to the luxury box, girl! 159 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,439 Grab a glass of sparkling wine 160 00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:50,075 and come hang with me by the owner's brains. 161 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,949 The terrorists have Hayley in the owner's box. 162 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,118 How did Francine not see this coming? 163 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,387 "Stan, you should take Hayley to the game. 164 00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:05,123 It'll be nice, eat some nachos, have some laughs." 165 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,625 "Francine, it'll be awkward." 166 00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,861 "Stan, what could go wrong at a Bazooka Sharks game?" 167 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,863 "Hey, Mom, where's the applesauce?" 168 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,265 "In the fridge, Steve." 169 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,567 [ Echoing ] "I only see watery-ass Kroger. 170 00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,102 Where's the Mott's?" 171 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,404 "They taste the same." "Have you lost your mind?!" 172 00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:21,273 So we've got ourselves a hero. 173 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,809 The bomb in the rafters is armed. 174 00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,377 Excellent. 175 00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:26,411 Hey, baddie, guess what? 176 00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:27,746 What? 177 00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:30,315 Chicken butt. I'm in your head now, son. 178 00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:33,618 Team, switch walkies to back-up channel. 179 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,321 Hey, gang, it's me -- one of the gang. 180 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:40,125 Looks like I forgot the back-up channel -- again! 181 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,894 Dad's gonna come here, but I have to warn him 182 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,163 about the other bombs first. How? 183 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,331 [ Knock on door ] 184 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,399 Man: Dessert cart. 185 00:07:47,401 --> 00:07:49,501 -Ooh, dessert! -Real dessert cart! 186 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,969 Mmm, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet! 187 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,904 Nobody get cute and try anything, 188 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:56,074 because we're definitely letting the dessert cart in. 189 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,516 [ All munching ] 190 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:07,118 I need you to get this message to Stan Smith. 191 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,354 He's in the arena, but I don't know where. 192 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:11,623 All the food venders here are very connected. 193 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:12,858 We'll find him. 194 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,659 We're kind of like a family. 195 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,994 I can't be seen talking -- 196 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,696 We get drinks after work all the time. 197 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:18,964 Please go. 198 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,932 Almost all of us drive pickup trucks. 199 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,301 I've never even thought about hiring a mover. 200 00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:26,171 I got Cracker Jacks! I got peanuts. 201 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,207 I got a secret message for Stan Smith! 202 00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:32,277 I got a secret message for Stan Smith! 203 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:35,380 I got big, spicy pickles in bags! 204 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,549 I'm Stan Smith, the man in the vents. 205 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,050 Your daughter says she's fine 206 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:41,119 and go to the rafters to defuse a bomb. 207 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,288 So Hayley's communicating with me. 208 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,991 Why is that so hard for us to do in person? 209 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:48,226 [ Sighs ] You got a daughter, buddy? 210 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,861 -I used to. -Whatever. 211 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,530 I gotta get to the rafters. 212 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,733 So, real quick, give me a Zooka Dog, Chicago style. 213 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,401 Pile the onions up high like I like. 214 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,503 And more mustard. More mu-- there you go. 215 00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,805 Another fistful of onions. Perfect, perfect. 216 00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,474 Now push it through the vent. 217 00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:10,815 ¶ And that's how you sing the end of the first quarter song ¶ 218 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,319 Yeah, yeah! 219 00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:15,921 Sky Crooner! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 220 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:17,422 Don't be scared, don't be scared. 221 00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:19,324 My name is Stan, and I need your help. 222 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,359 No one knows the rafters better than you. 223 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,495 Have you noticed anything suspicious? 224 00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:25,397 That blinky thing is new. 225 00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:26,932 [ Beeping ] 226 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,433 I'm gonna defuse that bomb, 227 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:31,436 and I need you to shoot anyone who tries to stop me. 228 00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,004 Is there a bad man? 229 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,273 You got that right, Sky Crooner. 230 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,111 Sky Crooner: Stan, I can't kill! 231 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,247 ¶ Life is sacred! ¶ 232 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:45,517 ¶ And it begins at conception! ¶ 233 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:49,421 You know, someone went to a lot of trouble 234 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:50,855 to put that bomb there. 235 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:53,458 I do want us to have a fist fight on this girder. 236 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:54,559 It will look hella cool. 237 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,295 Just promise me one thing. -Anything. 238 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,297 Don't look down. 239 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,202 -Whoa, whoa, whoa! -Ha ha! 240 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:05,870 Works every -- Whoa, whoa! 241 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:08,573 Whoa, whoa, whoa! -Whoa, whoa, whoa! 242 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,642 [ Screams ] 243 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,310 [ Screams ] 244 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,378 [ Whistle blows ] 245 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:16,147 Too many men on the field. 10 yards. 246 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:19,718 Not getting up? Delay of game. Another 5 yards. 247 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,152 Still not getting up. 248 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,988 Unsportsmanlike conduct. 249 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,322 Another 15 yards. 250 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,658 Had enough? I can go all day. 251 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:30,128 Terrorist: Strannix? Strannix? You there? 252 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,130 Damn it! He got him! 253 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,332 How does he keep finding us? 254 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,601 Maybe he's spotting our ponytails. 255 00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:37,836 Team, switch to braids. 256 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,437 Still, the clock is ticking, 257 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:41,840 and he'll never track down all the bombs 258 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,174 before we crack the safe. 259 00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:45,910 [ Laughs ] Ouch, too tight! 260 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,245 [ Laughs ] 261 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,083 I need to figure out a way 262 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,652 to get the bomb locations to Dad. 263 00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:56,321 And I need to prank the stadium announcer 264 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:59,090 with these raisins I picked out of a scone. 265 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,526 So we both have something, Hayley. Equal. 266 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:06,031 Present today's ticket to save 5% at Sculpa Family Car Wash. 267 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,666 Sculpa Family Car Wash. 268 00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:10,602 They found out which towel guy was the thief! 269 00:11:10,604 --> 00:11:12,771 Big flies today at the Sharks' Nest. 270 00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:15,840 They're not biting, but they are landing heavily. 271 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,509 [ Laughs ] 272 00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,144 Roger, you're a genius. 273 00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:21,246 I got those big brains. 274 00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:25,150 My producer doesn't normally write my announcements 275 00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:27,052 on napkins and drop them from the sky. 276 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,354 "Don't ask questions." 277 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,722 Okey-doke. 278 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:34,225 Attention, Shark fans, a message here from a Hayley, 279 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,961 who wants her dad to keep going. 280 00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,163 That's sweet. 281 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,798 Also, the loge men's room is closed 282 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,967 due to someone leaving a huge bomb in one of the toilets. 283 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,071 That's disgusting. 284 00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,573 Another announcement just fluttered in. 285 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:51,643 To the owner of the car with license plate "DABOMB," 286 00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:55,280 you are illegally parked in the Shark's locker room? 287 00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,485 [ Grunting ] 288 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:08,593 Another message -- 289 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,762 "It's on the visitor's goalpost" -- 290 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,063 whatever that means. 291 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,666 Oh, now I'm being a note by John, the P.A. 292 00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:17,102 This is how I typically get messages. 293 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,003 It says I've been fired. 294 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,572 Oh. I see. 295 00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:24,342 I'll just gather up 40 years of things. 296 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,111 The bomb is on the goalpost. 297 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,780 How am I supposed to get on the field? 298 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:29,881 Hey, champ. 299 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,016 Forgot my lucky steroids. 300 00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:34,018 You're the quarterback! 301 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:37,055 Hey, it's me, guys, the quarterback. 302 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:39,591 Get in there, Ignatowski! 303 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,061 You guys are enormous. 304 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,530 What's the play, Ignatowski? 305 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,667 [ Beeping ] 306 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,138 We're gonna drive all the way down the field 307 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,372 and get to that goalpost. 308 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,808 Yeah, no shit. What's the play? 309 00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,077 Uh... flea-flicker. 310 00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,545 Announcer: A flea-flicker -- 311 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,814 the most worn-out trick play there is -- 312 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:05,416 somehow picks up 20 yards for the Sharks. 313 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,585 How happy are we Dad only had two tickets? 314 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,621 The game's so much better on TV anyway. 315 00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,656 -[ Gasps ] Who said that?! -[ Panting ] 316 00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:14,492 I can't believe that worked. Now what? 317 00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:17,162 Another flea-flicker, no question. 318 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,797 Another flea-flicker. 319 00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:20,298 Puerile, yet effective. 320 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,134 -[ Gasping ] -Is that you gasping, Steve? 321 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,503 Enough with all the gasping, Steve. 322 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,506 The Gorilla Stars finally wise up to the flea-flickers, 323 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:31,142 forcing the Sharks to settle for a field goal. 324 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,178 The hell we will. 325 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,513 ¶¶ 326 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,317 Touchdown! 327 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,620 Ignatowski enjoys a well-deserved dance. 328 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:43,822 What's this?! 329 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:45,623 Now he's shinnying up the goalpost 330 00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,926 like a burlesque dancer, shocking the crowd 331 00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:51,830 with a sensual celebratory acrobatics display. 332 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:54,666 What a disgrace. 333 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:55,867 [ Beeping ] 334 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,869 You did it, Dad! 335 00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,304 Dad? 336 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:02,140 Ignatowski, your walkie-talkie's 337 00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,942 crackling like crazy! 338 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,210 Shello. 339 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,111 Terrorist: Nice play, Daddy. 340 00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:09,380 That was the last of my little bombs. 341 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:10,548 You almost beat me. 342 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,151 But then I realized I had the key 343 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,386 to stopping you the whole time. 344 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,488 -A poison sandwich. -What? 345 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,224 No, I have your daughter. 346 00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,226 Hayley: Dad. 347 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,727 [ Grunts ] 348 00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,062 Dad, I'm so sorry. 349 00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,464 We'll get out of this. 350 00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:30,735 So, um... that, uh... 351 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,738 Miley Cyrus is pretty outrageous, isn't she? 352 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,740 Stop this terrible conversation! 353 00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:37,208 [ Grunts ] 354 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,546 [ Crowd cheering ] 355 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,015 You're a wild card, I'll grant you that. 356 00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:47,919 The thing is, the wild-card team rarely wins the Super Bowl. 357 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,054 It's happened, like, six times. 358 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,890 Then I'd say that's pretty rare. 359 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,424 That's like 12% of the time. 360 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,760 In your mind, that's rare? I don't get you, buddy. 361 00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,396 You don't have to. You'll be dead soon. 362 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,832 Not before we'll all be dead soon. 363 00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:02,700 Recognize these? 364 00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,068 [ All gasp ] 365 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,170 Ah, yes -- my fake bombs. 366 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,605 What? 367 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,374 Cream cheese. 368 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,109 Roger: There's cream cheese?! 369 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,177 I've been eating dry bagels! 370 00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:15,213 We're in! 371 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:19,517 You see, the fake bombs were simply a diversion to buy time. 372 00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,920 Time we needed to get this. 373 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,855 Johnny Concussion's jersey 374 00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:27,058 from the last game he ever played. 375 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,726 Of course! You can turn around 376 00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:31,129 and sell it to Steve Wynn for a fortune. 377 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,131 The perfect crime. 378 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,133 Oh, I won't be selling it. 379 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,401 You son of a bitch! 380 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:38,069 Steve Wynn's gonna be heartbroken! 381 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,137 I'll be wearing it! 382 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,438 You son of a bitch! 383 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,307 Only Johnny Concussion can wear that! 384 00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:46,077 I couldn't agree with you more. 385 00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,745 Johnny Concussion? 386 00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:50,481 The owner kicked me off the team 387 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,084 because of all my brain booms. 388 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,619 Didn't he sound smarter before? 389 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:58,756 Ha! I was only pretending to be a genius. 390 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,224 Here come more surprise. 391 00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,427 Johnny's got a buddadda-duddadda. 392 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:05,363 Ultimate frisbee! 393 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:12,270 Johnny go bye-bye! 394 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,539 Ultimate frisbee! 395 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:20,645 [ Crying ] Oh, God! We almost died! 396 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:23,114 I thought it was curtains for old Tawny! 397 00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,917 I realize now life is precious! 398 00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:27,185 I want a baby! 399 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:30,355 Who wants to give old Tawny a baby?! 400 00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:33,458 [ Whirring ] 401 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:37,028 Who wants to support old Tawny and her baby 402 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,464 for the rest of their lives?! 403 00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:41,933 [ Dramatic music plays ] 404 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,971 Get away from Johnny! 405 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,539 Wow! I caught a pass 406 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,642 from beloved football hero Johnny Concussion! 407 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:54,212 Right in the numbers -- incredible! 408 00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:55,713 I'm gonna go long this time, Johnny! 409 00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,015 Dad, no! 410 00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:04,389 Johnny, why?! 411 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,457 Why did you commit the crime of the century? 412 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,893 What about your fans?! -Fans? 413 00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,561 The same fans who cheered 414 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,964 as I banged my head into madness? 415 00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:16,901 Well, soon they'll see just how mad I can be! 416 00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:19,804 They'll be blown away! 417 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,708 [ Gasps ] My fly fly! 418 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,717 Oh, come on! 419 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,989 We did it! 420 00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:40,224 Now for our special halftime presentation, 421 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:43,594 Johnny Concussion's ashes will be brought out 422 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,264 for our memorial moment of silence! 423 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:49,100 Wait. Johnny's not in that urn. 424 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,402 "Blown away"! 425 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,870 The urn's a bomb. A real one! 426 00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:54,672 He is gonna blow up the stadium. 427 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,074 We'll never get down there in time! 428 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,375 [ Falsetto singing ] 429 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:58,576 Wait! Do you hear that? 430 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,245 ¶ I'll take you, Stan! ¶ 431 00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,947 Do you trust me? 432 00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:08,419 ¶ I do ¶ 433 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,488 Let's do this. 434 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,192 [ Crowd booing ] This ain't cream cheese. 435 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,094 [ Booing gets louder ] 436 00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,795 Ladies and gentlemen, 437 00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:20,898 let's put your lips together for our moment of silence! 438 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,401 It's gonna go off when the meter reaches zero. 439 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,236 We can't let the crowd get quiet. 440 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,771 Come on, make some noise! 441 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,439 Johnny Concussion was a bad guy! 442 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,907 I said it! 443 00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:32,410 Now yell at me nonstop for, like, two minutes! 444 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:35,379 -You no good -- -Avery. 445 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,251 No, no, no! 446 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:43,321 Say stuff -- thoughts and words! 447 00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,123 [ Squawking ] 448 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,058 Um, uh! 449 00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:49,660 Ben is one of the all-time greatest bachelors. 450 00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:51,929 He's on the Mount Rushmore of Bachelor Nation. 451 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,398 And in the produce section, you'll find onion, 452 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,567 banana, blueberry, strawberry, Halle Berry. 453 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,503 Oh, oh, Halle Berry, Phylicia Rashad, 454 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,005 Esther Rolle, Mo'Nique, Viola Davis, Gabrielle Union, 455 00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:03,608 Jurnee Smollett-Bell, Regina King, Ruby Dandridge, 456 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,176 Ruby Dee, Tia Mowry, Tamera Mowry, 457 00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:08,012 the mom from "Family Matters" who never anticipated Urkel. 458 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:10,014 Urkel, Urkel, Urkel! Urkel, Urkel, Urkel! 459 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,182 Urkel, Urkel! 460 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,284 Oh, my first sexual dream was about Urkel! 461 00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,352 Sorry, Dad! 462 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,520 Cookie Crisp! 463 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:16,754 ¶ A-B-C-D-E-F-G ¶ 464 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,422 ¶ H-I-J-K Elemeno-P ¶ 465 00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:19,524 ¶ Q-R-S -- ¶ -[ Chuckles ] 466 00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:20,858 Dad, stay with me! 467 00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,426 We've gotta talk for another 90 seconds. 468 00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,995 I know, it's just -- it's just elemeno -- 469 00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,863 that reminds me of when you were little 470 00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,431 and you thought elemeno was one letter. 471 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:28,699 I remember that! 472 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,168 And when I told you it was four letters, 473 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,170 you thought I was the smartest man in the world. 474 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,438 It's been a long time since you thought that about me. 475 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,040 Angela Bassett, Cicely Tyson. 476 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,708 What are you talking about? I still think you're smart! 477 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,043 ¶ When it's late at night ¶ 478 00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,645 ¶ And you want a tasty bite ¶ 479 00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,979 ¶ What are you gonna pick? Hot Pockets ¶ 480 00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,848 I don't always feel smart, but I'm your dad. 481 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,550 So when we talk, I feel pressure, 482 00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:47,652 like I'm still supposed to be teaching you stuff. 483 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,554 But everything got more complicated after "elemeno." 484 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:50,855 And I want to help you, 485 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,557 but I'm afraid I'm getting it wrong -- 486 00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:54,025 or worse, you're gonna think I'm an idiot. 487 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,059 Stacey Dash! 488 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,561 Can't believe I almost forgot the Dash. 489 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:57,895 You're not an idiot, Dad. 490 00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,463 I thought it was my fault we didn't talk. 491 00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:00,565 I always worry you won't be interested 492 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:01,966 in what I have to say. 493 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,568 I mean, you travel the world as a spy, 494 00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,836 and I live in my childhood bedroom with my husband. 495 00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,705 Uh! Hattie McDaniel, Cicely Tyson. 496 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,240 I already said Cicely Tyson. 497 00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,374 Then Kerry Washington! 498 00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:11,709 If we stop blaming ourselves, 499 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,177 we'll have lots to talk about. 500 00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:15,079 Our shared passion for black actresses 501 00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:17,515 and not blowing up, and who needs a third thing? 502 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,584 And when it gets quiet between us, 503 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,886 it doesn't mean it's somebody's fault. 504 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,755 Right. It's not gonna kill us to sit in silence. 505 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:28,259 Both: Elemeno, elemeno, Pam Grier! 506 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,161 [ Buzzer sounds ] 507 00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:33,231 This concludes Baby Bel's moment of silence. 508 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:36,234 Baby Bel, cheese for your purse. 509 00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,002 [ Crowd booing ] 510 00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:41,606 It's Lee Tran! 511 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,076 She's okay! 512 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:48,246 I think we're all gonna be okay. 513 00:20:57,457 --> 00:21:01,192 Johnny Concussion always gets up. 514 00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:03,928 Bye! Have a great time!