1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:05,371
¶¶
2
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:14,213
It's been a thrilling season
on "The Bitchin' Race."
3
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:17,850
15 teams left New York
hoping to win $1 million.
4
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,119
Now only five remain --
5
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:22,688
Stan and Francine.
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What a gift
this has been.
7
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Traveling around the world,
making new memories
8
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,195
and capturing them
9
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,132
in the honored art form
of caricature.
10
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,601
(French music plays)
11
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They say the giant head
is the window to the soul.
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Every single one of those
has cost us valuable time
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that I've had to make up.
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Not my first-choice partner,
15
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but every other person I know
is at Dick's bachelor party.
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He's such a go-getter.
17
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That's why I put him
in a go-cart in this one.
18
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(Italian music plays)
19
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...Steve and Hayley...
20
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Not surprised we made it
to the finals.
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As "sibs," we have
an unfair advantage --
22
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You suck.
The reason we're in the finals
23
00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,464
is because
I'm carrying you.
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You keep stopping
everywhere to buy souvenirs.
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And I swear, if Jeff wasn't
at Dick's bachelor party --
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...Bear and Rick.
27
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He's a survival expert,
I'm a travel expert.
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We've won every leg so far.
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It hasn't been
particularly enjoyable.
30
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...Yeager and Johnny.
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My name, and I hope
it's trending right now,
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is Yeager Chillax.
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It is not trending.
34
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Oh, but Dannon Yogurt
just followed me!
35
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I like to kick ass and jam clam
with my man Johnny Bananas.
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Yo, I've won MTV's
"The Challenge" six times.
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Now I own more yellow XTERRAs
than anyone in the whole world.
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Boom!
Vote for us.
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Is there --
Is there voting on this?
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And finally,
Meredith and Justin,
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her son who went
to heaven and back.
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As a single mom
who runs her own
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medical-billing business,
I've had my share of challenges,
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but at least
I have my son.
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In heaven, everybody
has long outie belly buttons
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that double as guitars.
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He's our miracle boy.
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The miracle boy who's
captured the world's heart.
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00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:11,697
But will that be enough
to win "The Bitchin' Race?"
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We'll find out tonight
on the exciting season finale.
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¶¶
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I know I should root
for someone in the family,
53
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but Justin
has captured my heart.
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Oh, I'd love to throw it
in his mom while he's sleeping
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like an angel
in the next room.
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¶¶
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¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
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¶ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶
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¶ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ¶
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¶ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ¶
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¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶
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¶ Good -- ¶
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
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Aah!
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¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
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In this box
are the first instructions
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for the final leg
of the race.
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Is everybody ready?
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Travel safe.
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Go!
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¶¶
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Bangkok!
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Ah, Bangkok,
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the most romantic-sounding
city in the -- Ahh!
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We've got to get
to the airport.
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Expert travelers know
that the best place
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00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,874
to find a cab
is often at a hotel.
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There's a Ramada
two blocks southeast.
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I'll grab a boba on the way
so when I have to
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drink my own piss later,
it'll taste like Boba.
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Dude,
you ready to do this?
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"Abs-solutely"!
82
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I'm all packed!
83
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,387
Aww, yeah!
84
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Why does mine
look different from yours?
85
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Are -- Are you
doing something?
86
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Are you eating
something?
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Let's go. Drive faster.
We're in a race!
88
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I don't think
this is a taxi.
89
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,768
I think we just got in this
Tunisian guy's car.
90
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,904
Wait. Are you not
a cab driver?
91
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,939
Wait.
Are you not carjackers?
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00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:03,642
(laughter)
93
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I didn't say slow down.
94
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(laughs)
95
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Where are all the cabs?
(vibrating)
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What is wrong
with this country?
97
00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:14,319
Maybe it's for the best.
98
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,687
Our table's ready
at the Hard Rock.
99
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:16,955
We're not going
to the Hard Rock.
100
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,323
We've got a race to win.
101
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,292
But some of the pins
they won't let you buy
102
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unless you eat there!
103
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,429
(indistinct talking,
horns honking)
104
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Do you need me to take out
all my drawings?
105
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,647
Uh, no.
106
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:44,182
Your acne
scarring inspires me.
107
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:47,119
I'm gonna draw you.
108
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,687
They're getting
ahead of us!
109
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,223
Ooh! I'm gonna put
a little moon man
110
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:53,225
planting a flag
in your cheek.
111
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:55,360
Maybe give him
a tennis racquet.
112
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Can you imagine playing
tennis on the moon?
113
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It's probably all lobs.
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(snorts, laughs)
115
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Here's a tip.
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00:05:03,037 --> 00:05:04,469
To get through
the terminal quickly,
117
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sit in the lap
of a wheelchair person.
118
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,141
By the time anyone
hears their weak protest,
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you'll be at your gate.
120
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Cowabunga, dude!
121
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,313
If they get
the first flight out,
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we'll never catch them.
123
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,316
And Francine's still
stuck at security.
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Steve's in the gift shop.
125
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,252
He keeps buying
and returning the same
126
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:22,020
Tunisian
New York Yankees hat.
127
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,523
We have to stop the experts
from getting on that plane.
128
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I invoke a one-time-only
129
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Dollar Shave Club
Temporary Alliance.
130
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(shaving cream squirting)
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ANNOUNCER: Now, that's
some smooth action.
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Hi. I'm Brett Favre for
poor retirement planning --
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00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,174
KLAUS: Nope.
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00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,612
Huh. When you're not
doing it yourself,
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ski jumping is
phenomenally boring.
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Ohh! Aah! He's pinwheeling!
137
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There's no way he survived that!
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Ugh. There's his leg. Nasty.
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(sighs) They're bringing
it to the widow. Good.
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Ohh! But another woman's
fighting for it!
141
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,564
His mistress, of course.
142
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Ah, ski jumpers.
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We're all dogs.
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Oh, no, the race!
145
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(dramatic music plays)
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(both panting)
147
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Who would have guessed
that Rick Steves
148
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,746
would be harder to choke out
than Bear Grylls?
149
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:24,116
He smiled the whole time
and would not break eye contact.
150
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,757
I like to go half-recline
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00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:33,725
even before we push
from the gate.
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I've never been busted.
153
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Are you willing and able
to assist
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00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:39,097
in the event
of an emergency?
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00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:42,467
Honey, I'll assist
you anytime, anywhere.
156
00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:46,004
Oh! That is
so Yeager Chillax.
157
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,607
Angels are gonna
help us fly the plane!
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ALL: Aww.
159
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,177
Hey! I'm still
hogging the camera here!
160
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What, that kid's special
because he died for a second?
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Bananas can kiss his own tip!
Tell 'em, Bananas!
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I could suck it,
but I never do.
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HOST: Once in Bangkok, teams
will hit their first detour,
164
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:07,626
where they'll have to choose
between yak and back.
165
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:11,863
Here, they must herd yaks
or have a full Thai massage
166
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,632
before they can
continue racing.
167
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,142
Doesn't a massage
sound nice,
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a little romantic
couple time?
169
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,213
We watched "Rush Hour 3"
on the plane.
170
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,514
I think
I'm done wooing you.
171
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,650
I bet we can rip
through that yak herding.
172
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:34,653
-Based on what?
-Hurry up!
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00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:37,956
(cheers and applause)
174
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,491
Dude, they love us!
175
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,394
The cameras, the attention --
they're finally on us!
176
00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,696
(crowd shouting "Justin!")
177
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:47,065
In heaven,
you can fart colors!
178
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,900
(cheers and applause)
179
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,169
This ain't working,
Yeager Chillax.
180
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,804
I know, Johnny Bananas.
181
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,539
I've seen this before.
182
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,074
We're not the stars
of this season,
183
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,175
and we're never gonna be.
184
00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:59,478
Ugh. This sucks.
I quit.
185
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,681
I feel like I'll never be
happy again -- Ooh, karaoke!
186
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,350
I'm next! I'm next!
187
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:09,387
I'm...Nattapong W.
188
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,523
HOST: Teams must
herd their yaks into the pen
189
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,358
on the far side
of their corral.
190
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,862
Since Stan and Hayley have done
all the challenges so far,
191
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:21,366
Steve and Francine
must do the herding.
192
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,567
Kiss for luck?
193
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,669
We'll kiss
at the finish line!
194
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:29,074
Yak, I-I'm gonna need you to --
Wow, your fur is soft!
195
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:31,042
Reminds me of a shawl I have.
196
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,245
I like to wrap it
around my shoulders
197
00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:35,113
when I get cold
at Trader Joe's.
198
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,115
(chuckles)
Why keep it so chilly?
199
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,751
CVS -- same problem,
not to mention how loud
200
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:40,952
they play the music in the--
201
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,587
Move your ass!
202
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:45,690
You can do it, honey!
203
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,260
(whispering) Your great
grandmother says hello.
204
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:50,228
(yak grunts)
205
00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:55,400
(yak bellows)
206
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:57,869
(yaks bellowing)
207
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,107
Do what he did.
208
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,742
Do something!
209
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,644
Oh, my goodness.
210
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,079
Will you look at
that temple over there?
211
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,215
I feel so lucky
to be here.
212
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,551
TOGETHER: Oh, come on!
You're killing me!
213
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,286
You have no idea
what it's like
214
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:16,588
trying to compete with
that tied around my neck.
215
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:17,889
"That"?
216
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,424
Oh, I think I do.
217
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:22,093
It's like you're an alpha,
and you're strapped to a...
218
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,962
What's the "B" one?
219
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,330
A little bitch boy.
220
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,165
You think
you're an alpha?
221
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,167
You're an unemployed
college dropout
222
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,303
who sleeps with her husband
in a twin bed.
223
00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:34,005
First of all, it's a yoga mat
on an air-hockey table.
224
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:37,008
Second, when there's something
I want, I have another gear.
225
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,312
So, you don't
want a real bed?
226
00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:43,582
Stan, you really think
I don't pull my own weight?
227
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,016
Uh, this is you.
228
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,918
"La-di-da!
I'm on vacation
229
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,422
and not trying to win
this race or help at all!"
230
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:54,159
I invoke a one-time-only
Tostitos Scoop Partner Swap.
231
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,161
ANNOUNCER: Partner Swap,
232
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:58,430
brought to you
by Tostitos Scoops --
233
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,365
scoop up a new partner!
234
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,967
You know what, Stan?
235
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,436
I don't want to be
your partner anymore.
236
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:05,837
Me neither!
237
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,105
ANNOUNCER:
Everyone loves a Scoop!
238
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,506
Shall we massage,
Mother?
239
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:11,543
Yes, Steve, we shall.
240
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:14,379
Let's win this thing.
241
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,481
Which one of you yaks
is the leader?
242
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,116
Step forward, alpha yak!
243
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,852
(yak bellows)
244
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,555
(snarling)
245
00:10:23,557 --> 00:10:27,025
(dramatic music builds)
246
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,627
(grunts)
247
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,662
(dramatic music plays)
248
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,336
(smooches)
249
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,238
(grunts)
250
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,407
Holy shit.
251
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:46,244
¶¶
252
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,918
(Muzak plays]
253
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:57,989
Call now and talk
to hot singles in your area.
254
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:01,526
Oh, man, we got chicks
like that in my area?
255
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,828
Oh! The race!
256
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,431
¶¶
257
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:09,901
I've never done a bungee jump
before, but I'm a single mom,
258
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:13,371
a lupus survivor, and I'll do
anything for my miracle boy.
259
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,006
(screams)
260
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,708
Wait! How much
do you weigh?!
261
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:20,178
Less than Meredith!
B-B-B-Burn!
262
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:23,381
Get the next clue.
263
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,850
You blocked Justin
and his mom.
264
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,221
We have to find
some big guy named George.
265
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,890
Let's do it!
266
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,961
Who would choose
a yak herding challenge
267
00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,563
over a massage challenge?
268
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,098
How stupid!
269
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,133
And they think
we can't make decision?
270
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,902
-Ludicrous.
-Insulting.
271
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,303
Cucumber water?
272
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,571
Um...
273
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,106
Well, hmm...
274
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,241
I, uh...
275
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,110
Hmm...
276
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,614
That must be George.
277
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,550
Hey. Are you George?
278
00:11:58,552 --> 00:11:59,951
Uh, aren't we looking
for a big guy?
279
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,419
That's got to be him.
280
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,088
He's the only guy
we've seen for an hour.
281
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,122
Maybe he's got
a big dick.
282
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,657
Good thinking, daughter.
283
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,459
Don't mess with us,
"Big Dick" George.
284
00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:09,294
We're in a hurry,
so take us now.
285
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:11,730
TOGETHER:
Take us! Take us! Take us!
286
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:19,270
Hey, camera guy,
it's a television show,
287
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,005
not a television
"don't show."
288
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,440
Roasted!
289
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,075
I've said it before,
and I'll say it again.
290
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:27,078
If I weren't your dad,
you'd really make me laugh.
291
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,351
HOST: Before they
can continue racing,
292
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,621
Justin must complete
this puzzle blindfolded.
293
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,656
Don't worry, Mommy.
I got this.
294
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:41,426
Or should I say,
I "God" this.
295
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,628
You sure do, honey!
296
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,104
Believe it or not,
he's always been like this,
297
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,173
a real cocky little shit.
298
00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,441
(beeping)
299
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,942
Oh, it's 3:30.
300
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,681
(Gun clicks)
Well, back to the show.
301
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,650
See you tomorrow.
302
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,690
It must be
an escape-room challenge.
303
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,025
And an eating
challenge?
304
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,393
It's the finale.
305
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,061
I bet as soon as we
finish this gruel,
306
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,631
this shack turns into
a hot-air balloon.
307
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,966
¶¶
308
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,803
What a massage.
309
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:28,239
You were crying...
a lot in there.
310
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,308
Sanit said that
happens all the time.
311
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,343
Has to do with
too much testosterone.
312
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,745
Uh-huh.
313
00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:34,979
So, let's continue
the race.
314
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,247
You bet.
315
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,483
We should find a --
like, a train?
316
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:39,818
Is a taxi better?
317
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,052
Tough to say.
318
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,520
Maybe a stroll?
319
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,189
We're already
in this park.
320
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,423
Gorgeous.
321
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:48,092
Quick sit?
Maybe a little nibble?
322
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,829
Crying makes me
super hungry.
323
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:55,400
¶¶
324
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,502
Whoa!
You got the wrong idea.
325
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,604
I'm not some prostitute who's
gonna take you to the back room.
326
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,705
What?
327
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,440
I'm a freewheelin'
party boy
328
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,242
who'll slob your knob
right here.
329
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:06,010
Just untuck
your Tommy Bahama
330
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,679
and give me a little
privacy curtain.
331
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,281
("Ghostbusters" theme plays)
Oh, that's my song.
332
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,616
¶ When there's
something strange ¶
333
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:12,784
Johnny.
334
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:13,885
¶ In your neighborhood ¶
335
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:14,919
I need you to...
336
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,221
¶ Who you gonna call? ¶
337
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,222
...jerk that guy off.
338
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,023
¶ ...Busters ¶
339
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,759
¶¶
340
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,962
This must be the last part
of the challenge.
341
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,730
Any second now,
we'll hit that hot-air balloon.
342
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:27,732
Two holes, two balloons?
343
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,801
Don't be silly.
One's for the basket.
344
00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,135
Now just keep digging
these holes,
345
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:33,571
these two rectangular...
346
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,574
human-sized holes...
347
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,109
these graves.
348
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,411
This isn't part
of the show, is it?
349
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:44,082
No. We seem to be prisoners
in some sort of rebel camp.
350
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:47,485
Hey, camera guy,
did you know this?
351
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,988
-Dad, what are we gonna do?
-It's okay.
352
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,456
I have a lot
of experience getting out
353
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:52,991
of situations like this.
354
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,159
The first thing is
to ascertain what they want.
355
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:57,962
Then, you figure out
how you can help them get it.
356
00:14:57,964 --> 00:15:00,965
I want you to suffer,
dum-dum,
357
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:04,302
so you can help me
by suffering!
358
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,771
Welcome
to the jungle, baby!
359
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,640
You're gonna die!
360
00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:10,575
Hit it, Som Phong!
361
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,510
¶ Para bailar La Bamba ¶
362
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,012
No!
363
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:17,448
Does that sound like
"Welcome to the Jungle" to you?!
364
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,117
¶ Una poca de gracia ¶
365
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,919
Som Phong, do you even
want to be here?
366
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,287
¶ Una poca de gracia ¶
367
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,959
¶¶
368
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:32,163
I can't believe my
arch-nemesis, Stan Smith,
369
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:34,532
has just fallen
into my lap!
370
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,167
Dad, who is this guy?
371
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,369
He's a Thai general
who threw me and my friends
372
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,871
into prison
a couple of years back.
373
00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:40,972
You mean
your coworkers.
374
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,106
My friends.
375
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,374
If they
were your friends,
376
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,710
you'd be at Dick's
bachelor party.
377
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:49,213
That's right. Everybody
knows you weren't invited.
378
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,382
(gasps)
And that is just a taste
379
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,552
of the torture you deserve
because after you escaped,
380
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:57,455
the stupid king
fired me from army!
381
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:01,459
And he took my yaks,
all of them!
382
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,394
Dad, we were
so focused on winning,
383
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,229
we walked straight
into a prison camp.
384
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:08,566
The king took Yackie Mason
and Samuel L. Yackson.
385
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:11,002
Do you realize if we hadn't
partner-swapped,
386
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:12,470
we wouldn't be
in this position.
387
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,807
He also took Yackie O.,
Bo-Yak Horseman...
388
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:18,042
Maybe instead
of wanting Francine and Steve
389
00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:19,644
to be more like us...
390
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,213
...Gene Yakman, Hugh Yakman --
they're brothers.
391
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,182
We should be more
like them.
392
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:25,984
There was a group of them
I called Nickelyak.
393
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,585
I don't miss them.
394
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:31,389
Well maybe -- maybe --
it's not too late to learn.
395
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,391
We're probably
going to die here,
396
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,026
but we can at least
go out the way
397
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:39,030
Steve and Francine would --
savoring every moment.
398
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,366
We accept your
invitation to stay.
399
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:42,700
Invitation?!
400
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,236
This is no prom!
This prison!
401
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:48,072
Instead of corsage,
you will have disease.
402
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:50,875
Instead of party limo,
you will have pain.
403
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:52,744
Instead of peach schnapps,
404
00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:56,280
you will have so much
peach schnapps!
405
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,349
(laughs maniacally)
406
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,854
(birds chirping)
407
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,288
Check me out, Mama!
408
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:07,091
Great, honey!
409
00:17:08,962 --> 00:17:10,895
What the hell
are you doing?!
410
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,530
Well, we're...
411
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:13,731
I don't exactly know.
412
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,099
What day is it?
413
00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:17,101
It's two weeks since
you switched partners.
414
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:22,573
Wow. I have got to say, I cannot
account for most of that time.
415
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,308
We've just kind of
been hanging out.
416
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,977
So, who won?
No one!
417
00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:28,046
Everyone's stuck
or disappeared.
418
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,648
Look.
419
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,551
Yay! This'll be
in the movie of me!
420
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,253
Right, Mom?
421
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,587
Mom?
422
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,390
It's time his father
deals with some of this.
423
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,093
That's fair, right?
424
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,995
¶ Bustin', yeah, bustin' ¶
425
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:46,731
¶ Oh, bustin'
makes me feel good ¶
426
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:47,999
(cheers and applause)
427
00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:50,501
Whoo!
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
428
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,271
Ow!
429
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,006
What about
Stan and Hayley?
430
00:17:55,008 --> 00:17:57,275
They were captured
by Thai rebels.
431
00:17:57,277 --> 00:18:00,178
Every time I want to complain
about how uncomfortable this is
432
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,780
I just think,
"How would Francine and Steve
433
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,015
be handling it?"
434
00:18:04,017 --> 00:18:05,983
They'd be appreciatig
every second.
435
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,785
Feeling the sun
on their face.
436
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,087
(inhales deeply)
437
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,822
Really smelling the mud.
438
00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:13,624
And feeling the thins
in the mud,
439
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,194
like the thing
that's coiled around my lg
440
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,462
and working its way u.
441
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,263
I'm excited
to see its face.
442
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,299
We're very lucky.
443
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,868
Please, please get off your
asses and win this thing.
444
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,269
I got to get home.
445
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,171
My cat-sitter --
she's been sending me
446
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:28,706
some very dark e-mails.
447
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,508
Oh, no!
448
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,544
If they're acting like us,
they'll never get out of there!
449
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:37,115
If they won't act like them,
then we're gonna have to --
450
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:40,818
to save them
from ourselves.
451
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,121
Or you could just
finish the race!
452
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,823
I don't get to go home
until someone wins!
453
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,625
Wait.
454
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,560
I invoke a one-time-only
455
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,863
Rocket Mortgage
Take Me Home loan.
456
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,564
ANNOUNCER: Rocket Mortgage --
457
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,567
you can't go home
if you don't have a house.
458
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:59,470
Daddy's coming home,
Mr. Slippers!
459
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,506
(grunts)
460
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,041
You know, I've kind of learned
to love this piss jar.
461
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,077
I hope our captors
will respect my wishes
462
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,745
and let me be
buried with it.
463
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,982
And I am straight up addicted
to pooping in a river.
464
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,650
What is wrong
with you guys?!
465
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,418
We have
like six bathrooms!
466
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,822
Aah! Okay, only person
being tortured here is me!
467
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:20,558
That's on you, bro.
You choose to torture yourself.
468
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,394
Oh, I choose?
Okay, then.
469
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,930
I choose to have guards
shoot you a lot.
470
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,865
(rumbling)
471
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,836
Mush! Mush!
472
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,538
Whoa!
473
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,173
I believe these are yours.
474
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:37,074
My yaks.
475
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:40,578
You have my dad and my sister,
so we came to trade.
476
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,180
Check out
alpha Steve!
477
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,848
Just when
we learned to appreciate
478
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,583
what a huge wussy
you are.
479
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:47,385
And just to sweeten
our offer...
480
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,687
A portrait! Of me!
481
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,356
And you even guessed that,
although I am left-handed,
482
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,358
I would play tennis
with my right, like my hero
483
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,593
Jim Courier!
484
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,261
Yep.
485
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:58,896
So, what do you say?
486
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,264
We got a deal?
487
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:02,900
No one has ever
been this nice to me.
488
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,302
I could get used to it.
489
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,370
Seize them!
490
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:11,642
They had free Tai Chi
classes in the park.
491
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:15,279
Do you want me to cloud-hands
you to the flippin' Stone Age?
492
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,148
Okay, okay, okay!
Backsies!
493
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:18,583
I accept deal!
494
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,585
You get dum-dum
and daughter.
495
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,220
I get yaks and portrait.
496
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,721
Everyone wins!
497
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,223
ALL: All right!
498
00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,958
HOST: Actually, no one wins.
499
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,726
Due to everyone
being disqualified,
500
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,761
this season's million dollar
prize has been donated
501
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,797
to the ExxonMobil
legal defense fund.
502
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,666
Better lawyer up, pelicans.
503
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,269
Wait. It's over?
504
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:39,670
Where's the big ending?
505
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,806
(creaking)
506
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,143
What?!
507
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,114
The big ending!
508
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,749
I knew it!
509
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,918
The winner is me!
510
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,987
I won somehow!
511
00:20:55,989 --> 00:21:00,258
I'm being rewarded
because I believed!
512
00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,028
Have a great night!