1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:05,371 ¶¶ 2 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:14,213 It's been a thrilling season on "The Bitchin' Race." 3 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:17,850 15 teams left New York hoping to win $1 million. 4 00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,119 Now only five remain -- 5 00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:22,688 Stan and Francine. 6 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,790 What a gift this has been. 7 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:28,427 Traveling around the world, making new memories 8 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,195 and capturing them 9 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,132 in the honored art form of caricature. 10 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,601 (French music plays) 11 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:39,738 They say the giant head is the window to the soul. 12 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,408 Every single one of those has cost us valuable time 13 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,575 that I've had to make up. 14 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,210 Not my first-choice partner, 15 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,479 but every other person I know is at Dick's bachelor party. 16 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,081 He's such a go-getter. 17 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:51,550 That's why I put him in a go-cart in this one. 18 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,586 (Italian music plays) 19 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,488 ...Steve and Hayley... 20 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,590 Not surprised we made it to the finals. 21 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,560 As "sibs," we have an unfair advantage -- 22 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,829 You suck. The reason we're in the finals 23 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,464 is because I'm carrying you. 24 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:08,067 You keep stopping everywhere to buy souvenirs. 25 00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,903 And I swear, if Jeff wasn't at Dick's bachelor party -- 26 00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:13,005 ...Bear and Rick. 27 00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:15,841 He's a survival expert, I'm a travel expert. 28 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,643 We've won every leg so far. 29 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,279 It hasn't been particularly enjoyable. 30 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:22,081 ...Yeager and Johnny. 31 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,516 My name, and I hope it's trending right now, 32 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:27,853 is Yeager Chillax. 33 00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,488 It is not trending. 34 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,657 Oh, but Dannon Yogurt just followed me! 35 00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:35,160 I like to kick ass and jam clam with my man Johnny Bananas. 36 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:37,796 Yo, I've won MTV's "The Challenge" six times. 37 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:41,633 Now I own more yellow XTERRAs than anyone in the whole world. 38 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,302 Boom! Vote for us. 39 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,003 Is there -- Is there voting on this? 40 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:48,006 And finally, Meredith and Justin, 41 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:50,609 her son who went to heaven and back. 42 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,878 As a single mom who runs her own 43 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,315 medical-billing business, I've had my share of challenges, 44 00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,617 but at least I have my son. 45 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,820 In heaven, everybody has long outie belly buttons 46 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,989 that double as guitars. 47 00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,657 He's our miracle boy. 48 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:08,861 The miracle boy who's captured the world's heart. 49 00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:11,697 But will that be enough to win "The Bitchin' Race?" 50 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:15,634 We'll find out tonight on the exciting season finale. 51 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,870 ¶¶ 52 00:02:17,872 --> 00:02:20,239 I know I should root for someone in the family, 53 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,808 but Justin has captured my heart. 54 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,911 Oh, I'd love to throw it in his mom while he's sleeping 55 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,846 like an angel in the next room. 56 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,749 ¶¶ 57 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,919 ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 58 00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:37,422 ¶ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶ 59 00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:40,559 ¶ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ¶ 60 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:44,997 ¶ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ¶ 61 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,235 ¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶ 62 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:52,704 ¶ Good -- ¶ ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 63 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:53,739 Aah! 64 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:58,010 ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 65 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,514 In this box are the first instructions 66 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,216 for the final leg of the race. 67 00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:06,451 Is everybody ready? 68 00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:08,120 Travel safe. 69 00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:09,254 Go! 70 00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,957 ¶¶ 71 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:16,795 Bangkok! 72 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,864 Ah, Bangkok, 73 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:22,467 the most romantic-sounding city in the -- Ahh! 74 00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:24,269 We've got to get to the airport. 75 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,371 Expert travelers know that the best place 76 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,874 to find a cab is often at a hotel. 77 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,109 There's a Ramada two blocks southeast. 78 00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:33,245 I'll grab a boba on the way so when I have to 79 00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:35,714 drink my own piss later, it'll taste like Boba. 80 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,616 Dude, you ready to do this? 81 00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:38,984 "Abs-solutely"! 82 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,485 I'm all packed! 83 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,387 Aww, yeah! 84 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,657 Why does mine look different from yours? 85 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,226 Are -- Are you doing something? 86 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,994 Are you eating something? 87 00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:51,563 Let's go. Drive faster. We're in a race! 88 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,398 I don't think this is a taxi. 89 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,768 I think we just got in this Tunisian guy's car. 90 00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,904 Wait. Are you not a cab driver? 91 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,939 Wait. Are you not carjackers? 92 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:03,642 (laughter) 93 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,677 I didn't say slow down. 94 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,613 (laughs) 95 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,583 Where are all the cabs? (vibrating) 96 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,985 What is wrong with this country? 97 00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:14,319 Maybe it's for the best. 98 00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,687 Our table's ready at the Hard Rock. 99 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:16,955 We're not going to the Hard Rock. 100 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,323 We've got a race to win. 101 00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,292 But some of the pins they won't let you buy 102 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:21,760 unless you eat there! 103 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,429 (indistinct talking, horns honking) 104 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,312 Do you need me to take out all my drawings? 105 00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,647 Uh, no. 106 00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:44,182 Your acne scarring inspires me. 107 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:47,119 I'm gonna draw you. 108 00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,687 They're getting ahead of us! 109 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,223 Ooh! I'm gonna put a little moon man 110 00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:53,225 planting a flag in your cheek. 111 00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:55,360 Maybe give him a tennis racquet. 112 00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:58,163 Can you imagine playing tennis on the moon? 113 00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,132 It's probably all lobs. 114 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,633 (snorts, laughs) 115 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,035 Here's a tip. 116 00:05:03,037 --> 00:05:04,469 To get through the terminal quickly, 117 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,972 sit in the lap of a wheelchair person. 118 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,141 By the time anyone hears their weak protest, 119 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,676 you'll be at your gate. 120 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,878 Cowabunga, dude! 121 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,313 If they get the first flight out, 122 00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,580 we'll never catch them. 123 00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,316 And Francine's still stuck at security. 124 00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,583 Steve's in the gift shop. 125 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,252 He keeps buying and returning the same 126 00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:22,020 Tunisian New York Yankees hat. 127 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,523 We have to stop the experts from getting on that plane. 128 00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,591 I invoke a one-time-only 129 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:29,161 Dollar Shave Club Temporary Alliance. 130 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,730 (shaving cream squirting) 131 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:34,900 ANNOUNCER: Now, that's some smooth action. 132 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:40,372 Hi. I'm Brett Favre for poor retirement planning -- 133 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,174 KLAUS: Nope. 134 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,612 Huh. When you're not doing it yourself, 135 00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:50,916 ski jumping is phenomenally boring. 136 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:53,719 Ohh! Aah! He's pinwheeling! 137 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,587 There's no way he survived that! 138 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:58,590 Ugh. There's his leg. Nasty. 139 00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:01,760 (sighs) They're bringing it to the widow. Good. 140 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,929 Ohh! But another woman's fighting for it! 141 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,564 His mistress, of course. 142 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,432 Ah, ski jumpers. 143 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,434 We're all dogs. 144 00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,770 Oh, no, the race! 145 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:14,406 (dramatic music plays) 146 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:16,942 (both panting) 147 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,710 Who would have guessed that Rick Steves 148 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,746 would be harder to choke out than Bear Grylls? 149 00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:24,116 He smiled the whole time and would not break eye contact. 150 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,757 I like to go half-recline 151 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:33,725 even before we push from the gate. 152 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,294 I've never been busted. 153 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:37,662 Are you willing and able to assist 154 00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:39,097 in the event of an emergency? 155 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:42,467 Honey, I'll assist you anytime, anywhere. 156 00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:46,004 Oh! That is so Yeager Chillax. 157 00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,607 Angels are gonna help us fly the plane! 158 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,108 ALL: Aww. 159 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,177 Hey! I'm still hogging the camera here! 160 00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:54,746 What, that kid's special because he died for a second? 161 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,516 Bananas can kiss his own tip! Tell 'em, Bananas! 162 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:01,486 I could suck it, but I never do. 163 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:04,623 HOST: Once in Bangkok, teams will hit their first detour, 164 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:07,626 where they'll have to choose between yak and back. 165 00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:11,863 Here, they must herd yaks or have a full Thai massage 166 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,632 before they can continue racing. 167 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,142 Doesn't a massage sound nice, 168 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,278 a little romantic couple time? 169 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,213 We watched "Rush Hour 3" on the plane. 170 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,514 I think I'm done wooing you. 171 00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,650 I bet we can rip through that yak herding. 172 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:34,653 -Based on what? -Hurry up! 173 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:37,956 (cheers and applause) 174 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,491 Dude, they love us! 175 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,394 The cameras, the attention -- they're finally on us! 176 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,696 (crowd shouting "Justin!") 177 00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:47,065 In heaven, you can fart colors! 178 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,900 (cheers and applause) 179 00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,169 This ain't working, Yeager Chillax. 180 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,804 I know, Johnny Bananas. 181 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,539 I've seen this before. 182 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,074 We're not the stars of this season, 183 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,175 and we're never gonna be. 184 00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:59,478 Ugh. This sucks. I quit. 185 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,681 I feel like I'll never be happy again -- Ooh, karaoke! 186 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,350 I'm next! I'm next! 187 00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:09,387 I'm...Nattapong W. 188 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,523 HOST: Teams must herd their yaks into the pen 189 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,358 on the far side of their corral. 190 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,862 Since Stan and Hayley have done all the challenges so far, 191 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:21,366 Steve and Francine must do the herding. 192 00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,567 Kiss for luck? 193 00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,669 We'll kiss at the finish line! 194 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:29,074 Yak, I-I'm gonna need you to -- Wow, your fur is soft! 195 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:31,042 Reminds me of a shawl I have. 196 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,245 I like to wrap it around my shoulders 197 00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:35,113 when I get cold at Trader Joe's. 198 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,115 (chuckles) Why keep it so chilly? 199 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,751 CVS -- same problem, not to mention how loud 200 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:40,952 they play the music in the-- 201 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,587 Move your ass! 202 00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:45,690 You can do it, honey! 203 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,260 (whispering) Your great grandmother says hello. 204 00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:50,228 (yak grunts) 205 00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:55,400 (yak bellows) 206 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:57,869 (yaks bellowing) 207 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,107 Do what he did. 208 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,742 Do something! 209 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,644 Oh, my goodness. 210 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,079 Will you look at that temple over there? 211 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,215 I feel so lucky to be here. 212 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,551 TOGETHER: Oh, come on! You're killing me! 213 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,286 You have no idea what it's like 214 00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:16,588 trying to compete with that tied around my neck. 215 00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:17,889 "That"? 216 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,424 Oh, I think I do. 217 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:22,093 It's like you're an alpha, and you're strapped to a... 218 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,962 What's the "B" one? 219 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,330 A little bitch boy. 220 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,165 You think you're an alpha? 221 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,167 You're an unemployed college dropout 222 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,303 who sleeps with her husband in a twin bed. 223 00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:34,005 First of all, it's a yoga mat on an air-hockey table. 224 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:37,008 Second, when there's something I want, I have another gear. 225 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,312 So, you don't want a real bed? 226 00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:43,582 Stan, you really think I don't pull my own weight? 227 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,016 Uh, this is you. 228 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,918 "La-di-da! I'm on vacation 229 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,422 and not trying to win this race or help at all!" 230 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:54,159 I invoke a one-time-only Tostitos Scoop Partner Swap. 231 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,161 ANNOUNCER: Partner Swap, 232 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:58,430 brought to you by Tostitos Scoops -- 233 00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,365 scoop up a new partner! 234 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,967 You know what, Stan? 235 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,436 I don't want to be your partner anymore. 236 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:05,837 Me neither! 237 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,105 ANNOUNCER: Everyone loves a Scoop! 238 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,506 Shall we massage, Mother? 239 00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:11,543 Yes, Steve, we shall. 240 00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:14,379 Let's win this thing. 241 00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,481 Which one of you yaks is the leader? 242 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,116 Step forward, alpha yak! 243 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,852 (yak bellows) 244 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,555 (snarling) 245 00:10:23,557 --> 00:10:27,025 (dramatic music builds) 246 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,627 (grunts) 247 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,662 (dramatic music plays) 248 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,336 (smooches) 249 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,238 (grunts) 250 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,407 Holy shit. 251 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:46,244 ¶¶ 252 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,918 (Muzak plays] 253 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:57,989 Call now and talk to hot singles in your area. 254 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:01,526 Oh, man, we got chicks like that in my area? 255 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,828 Oh! The race! 256 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,431 ¶¶ 257 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:09,901 I've never done a bungee jump before, but I'm a single mom, 258 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:13,371 a lupus survivor, and I'll do anything for my miracle boy. 259 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,006 (screams) 260 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,708 Wait! How much do you weigh?! 261 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:20,178 Less than Meredith! B-B-B-Burn! 262 00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:23,381 Get the next clue. 263 00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,850 You blocked Justin and his mom. 264 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,221 We have to find some big guy named George. 265 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,890 Let's do it! 266 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,961 Who would choose a yak herding challenge 267 00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,563 over a massage challenge? 268 00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,098 How stupid! 269 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,133 And they think we can't make decision? 270 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,902 -Ludicrous. -Insulting. 271 00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,303 Cucumber water? 272 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,571 Um... 273 00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,106 Well, hmm... 274 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,241 I, uh... 275 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,110 Hmm... 276 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,614 That must be George. 277 00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,550 Hey. Are you George? 278 00:11:58,552 --> 00:11:59,951 Uh, aren't we looking for a big guy? 279 00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,419 That's got to be him. 280 00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,088 He's the only guy we've seen for an hour. 281 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,122 Maybe he's got a big dick. 282 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,657 Good thinking, daughter. 283 00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,459 Don't mess with us, "Big Dick" George. 284 00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:09,294 We're in a hurry, so take us now. 285 00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:11,730 TOGETHER: Take us! Take us! Take us! 286 00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:19,270 Hey, camera guy, it's a television show, 287 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,005 not a television "don't show." 288 00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,440 Roasted! 289 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,075 I've said it before, and I'll say it again. 290 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:27,078 If I weren't your dad, you'd really make me laugh. 291 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,351 HOST: Before they can continue racing, 292 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,621 Justin must complete this puzzle blindfolded. 293 00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,656 Don't worry, Mommy. I got this. 294 00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:41,426 Or should I say, I "God" this. 295 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,628 You sure do, honey! 296 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,104 Believe it or not, he's always been like this, 297 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,173 a real cocky little shit. 298 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,441 (beeping) 299 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,942 Oh, it's 3:30. 300 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,681 (Gun clicks) Well, back to the show. 301 00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,650 See you tomorrow. 302 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,690 It must be an escape-room challenge. 303 00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,025 And an eating challenge? 304 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,393 It's the finale. 305 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,061 I bet as soon as we finish this gruel, 306 00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,631 this shack turns into a hot-air balloon. 307 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,966 ¶¶ 308 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,803 What a massage. 309 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:28,239 You were crying... a lot in there. 310 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,308 Sanit said that happens all the time. 311 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,343 Has to do with too much testosterone. 312 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,745 Uh-huh. 313 00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:34,979 So, let's continue the race. 314 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,247 You bet. 315 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,483 We should find a -- like, a train? 316 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:39,818 Is a taxi better? 317 00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,052 Tough to say. 318 00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,520 Maybe a stroll? 319 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,189 We're already in this park. 320 00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,423 Gorgeous. 321 00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:48,092 Quick sit? Maybe a little nibble? 322 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,829 Crying makes me super hungry. 323 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:55,400 ¶¶ 324 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,502 Whoa! You got the wrong idea. 325 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,604 I'm not some prostitute who's gonna take you to the back room. 326 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,705 What? 327 00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,440 I'm a freewheelin' party boy 328 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,242 who'll slob your knob right here. 329 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:06,010 Just untuck your Tommy Bahama 330 00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,679 and give me a little privacy curtain. 331 00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,281 ("Ghostbusters" theme plays) Oh, that's my song. 332 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,616 ¶ When there's something strange ¶ 333 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:12,784 Johnny. 334 00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:13,885 ¶ In your neighborhood ¶ 335 00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:14,919 I need you to... 336 00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,221 ¶ Who you gonna call? ¶ 337 00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,222 ...jerk that guy off. 338 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,023 ¶ ...Busters ¶ 339 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,759 ¶¶ 340 00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,962 This must be the last part of the challenge. 341 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,730 Any second now, we'll hit that hot-air balloon. 342 00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:27,732 Two holes, two balloons? 343 00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,801 Don't be silly. One's for the basket. 344 00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,135 Now just keep digging these holes, 345 00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:33,571 these two rectangular... 346 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,574 human-sized holes... 347 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,109 these graves. 348 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,411 This isn't part of the show, is it? 349 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:44,082 No. We seem to be prisoners in some sort of rebel camp. 350 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:47,485 Hey, camera guy, did you know this? 351 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,988 -Dad, what are we gonna do? -It's okay. 352 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,456 I have a lot of experience getting out 353 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:52,991 of situations like this. 354 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,159 The first thing is to ascertain what they want. 355 00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:57,962 Then, you figure out how you can help them get it. 356 00:14:57,964 --> 00:15:00,965 I want you to suffer, dum-dum, 357 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:04,302 so you can help me by suffering! 358 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,771 Welcome to the jungle, baby! 359 00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,640 You're gonna die! 360 00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:10,575 Hit it, Som Phong! 361 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,510 ¶ Para bailar La Bamba ¶ 362 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,012 No! 363 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:17,448 Does that sound like "Welcome to the Jungle" to you?! 364 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,117 ¶ Una poca de gracia ¶ 365 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,919 Som Phong, do you even want to be here? 366 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,287 ¶ Una poca de gracia ¶ 367 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,959 ¶¶ 368 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:32,163 I can't believe my arch-nemesis, Stan Smith, 369 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:34,532 has just fallen into my lap! 370 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,167 Dad, who is this guy? 371 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,369 He's a Thai general who threw me and my friends 372 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,871 into prison a couple of years back. 373 00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:40,972 You mean your coworkers. 374 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,106 My friends. 375 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,374 If they were your friends, 376 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,710 you'd be at Dick's bachelor party. 377 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:49,213 That's right. Everybody knows you weren't invited. 378 00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,382 (gasps) And that is just a taste 379 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,552 of the torture you deserve because after you escaped, 380 00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:57,455 the stupid king fired me from army! 381 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:01,459 And he took my yaks, all of them! 382 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,394 Dad, we were so focused on winning, 383 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,229 we walked straight into a prison camp. 384 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:08,566 The king took Yackie Mason and Samuel L. Yackson. 385 00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:11,002 Do you realize if we hadn't partner-swapped, 386 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:12,470 we wouldn't be in this position. 387 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,807 He also took Yackie O., Bo-Yak Horseman... 388 00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:18,042 Maybe instead of wanting Francine and Steve 389 00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:19,644 to be more like us... 390 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,213 ...Gene Yakman, Hugh Yakman -- they're brothers. 391 00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,182 We should be more like them. 392 00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:25,984 There was a group of them I called Nickelyak. 393 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,585 I don't miss them. 394 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:31,389 Well maybe -- maybe -- it's not too late to learn. 395 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,391 We're probably going to die here, 396 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,026 but we can at least go out the way 397 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:39,030 Steve and Francine would -- savoring every moment. 398 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,366 We accept your invitation to stay. 399 00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:42,700 Invitation?! 400 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,236 This is no prom! This prison! 401 00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:48,072 Instead of corsage, you will have disease. 402 00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:50,875 Instead of party limo, you will have pain. 403 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:52,744 Instead of peach schnapps, 404 00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:56,280 you will have so much peach schnapps! 405 00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,349 (laughs maniacally) 406 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,854 (birds chirping) 407 00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,288 Check me out, Mama! 408 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:07,091 Great, honey! 409 00:17:08,962 --> 00:17:10,895 What the hell are you doing?! 410 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,530 Well, we're... 411 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:13,731 I don't exactly know. 412 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,099 What day is it? 413 00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:17,101 It's two weeks since you switched partners. 414 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:22,573 Wow. I have got to say, I cannot account for most of that time. 415 00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,308 We've just kind of been hanging out. 416 00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,977 So, who won? No one! 417 00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:28,046 Everyone's stuck or disappeared. 418 00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,648 Look. 419 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,551 Yay! This'll be in the movie of me! 420 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,253 Right, Mom? 421 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,587 Mom? 422 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,390 It's time his father deals with some of this. 423 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,093 That's fair, right? 424 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,995 ¶ Bustin', yeah, bustin' ¶ 425 00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:46,731 ¶ Oh, bustin' makes me feel good ¶ 426 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:47,999 (cheers and applause) 427 00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:50,501 Whoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! 428 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,271 Ow! 429 00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,006 What about Stan and Hayley? 430 00:17:55,008 --> 00:17:57,275 They were captured by Thai rebels. 431 00:17:57,277 --> 00:18:00,178 Every time I want to complain about how uncomfortable this is 432 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,780 I just think, "How would Francine and Steve 433 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,015 be handling it?" 434 00:18:04,017 --> 00:18:05,983 They'd be appreciatig every second. 435 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,785 Feeling the sun on their face. 436 00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,087 (inhales deeply) 437 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,822 Really smelling the mud. 438 00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:13,624 And feeling the thins in the mud, 439 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,194 like the thing that's coiled around my lg 440 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,462 and working its way u. 441 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,263 I'm excited to see its face. 442 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,299 We're very lucky. 443 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,868 Please, please get off your asses and win this thing. 444 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,269 I got to get home. 445 00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,171 My cat-sitter -- she's been sending me 446 00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:28,706 some very dark e-mails. 447 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,508 Oh, no! 448 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,544 If they're acting like us, they'll never get out of there! 449 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:37,115 If they won't act like them, then we're gonna have to -- 450 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:40,818 to save them from ourselves. 451 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,121 Or you could just finish the race! 452 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,823 I don't get to go home until someone wins! 453 00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,625 Wait. 454 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,560 I invoke a one-time-only 455 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,863 Rocket Mortgage Take Me Home loan. 456 00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,564 ANNOUNCER: Rocket Mortgage -- 457 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,567 you can't go home if you don't have a house. 458 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:59,470 Daddy's coming home, Mr. Slippers! 459 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,506 (grunts) 460 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,041 You know, I've kind of learned to love this piss jar. 461 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,077 I hope our captors will respect my wishes 462 00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,745 and let me be buried with it. 463 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,982 And I am straight up addicted to pooping in a river. 464 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,650 What is wrong with you guys?! 465 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,418 We have like six bathrooms! 466 00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,822 Aah! Okay, only person being tortured here is me! 467 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:20,558 That's on you, bro. You choose to torture yourself. 468 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,394 Oh, I choose? Okay, then. 469 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,930 I choose to have guards shoot you a lot. 470 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,865 (rumbling) 471 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,836 Mush! Mush! 472 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,538 Whoa! 473 00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,173 I believe these are yours. 474 00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:37,074 My yaks. 475 00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:40,578 You have my dad and my sister, so we came to trade. 476 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,180 Check out alpha Steve! 477 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,848 Just when we learned to appreciate 478 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,583 what a huge wussy you are. 479 00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:47,385 And just to sweeten our offer... 480 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,687 A portrait! Of me! 481 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,356 And you even guessed that, although I am left-handed, 482 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,358 I would play tennis with my right, like my hero 483 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,593 Jim Courier! 484 00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,261 Yep. 485 00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:58,896 So, what do you say? 486 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,264 We got a deal? 487 00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:02,900 No one has ever been this nice to me. 488 00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,302 I could get used to it. 489 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,370 Seize them! 490 00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:11,642 They had free Tai Chi classes in the park. 491 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:15,279 Do you want me to cloud-hands you to the flippin' Stone Age? 492 00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,148 Okay, okay, okay! Backsies! 493 00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:18,583 I accept deal! 494 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,585 You get dum-dum and daughter. 495 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,220 I get yaks and portrait. 496 00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,721 Everyone wins! 497 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,223 ALL: All right! 498 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,958 HOST: Actually, no one wins. 499 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,726 Due to everyone being disqualified, 500 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,761 this season's million dollar prize has been donated 501 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,797 to the ExxonMobil legal defense fund. 502 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,666 Better lawyer up, pelicans. 503 00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,269 Wait. It's over? 504 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:39,670 Where's the big ending? 505 00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,806 (creaking) 506 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,143 What?! 507 00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,114 The big ending! 508 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,749 I knew it! 509 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,918 The winner is me! 510 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,987 I won somehow! 511 00:20:55,989 --> 00:21:00,258 I'm being rewarded because I believed! 512 00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,028 Have a great night!