1
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,506
(factory whistle blowing)
2
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:15,014
(moaning, babbles)
3
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:19,385
(cat yowls and car alarm)
4
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,353
Please stay green,
please...
5
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,689
Come on, come on!
6
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,891
Damn it!
(tires screeching)
7
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,626
Are we there?!
Are we at camp?!
8
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,061
Almost, honey.
9
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:31,730
One f'ing light in this
craphole town,
10
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,466
and I hit it every
mother-loving year.
11
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,901
I can see the entrance!
12
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:37,569
You guys are so lucky
you get to live
13
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,371
next to the best
place in the world.
14
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,007
Hey! That guy's got
a sleeping bag!
15
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:44,076
Mom, maybe he needs
a ride to camp!
16
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:46,311
Whole town's
got the camp spirit.
17
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:49,048
Not too close to the fire, boys!
You'll burn your dogs!
18
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,417
But that's how my friend Snot
likes them!
19
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:53,252
We're finally
in the big-boy cabin this year!
20
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,586
Can you believe it?!
21
00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:57,756
Oh, arts and crafts.
22
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,360
How long is
this damn light?
23
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,595
¶ Big boys rule the camp,
yeah! ¶
24
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:04,897
¶ Big boys rule the camp! ¶
25
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:06,265
Tomahawk!
26
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,067
¶ Big boys
rule the camp, yeah ¶
27
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,768
¶ Big boys rule the camp,
uh-huh ¶
28
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:13,672
¶ The big boys rule the camp¶
29
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,274
That guy gets it.
30
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:16,508
(glass shatters)
31
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,243
Ooh, free hammer!
32
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,913
Did anyone see that throw?
33
00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:23,415
¶¶
34
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,118
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
35
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,922
¶ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶
36
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:33,058
¶ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ¶
37
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:37,429
¶ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ¶
38
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:42,734
¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶
39
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,204
¶ Good -- ¶
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
40
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:46,205
Aah!
41
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:50,943
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
42
00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:52,478
COUNSELOR:
¶ I said-a boom, chicka boom ¶
43
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,980
CAMPERS:
¶ I said-a boom, chicka boom ¶
44
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,482
ALL:
¶ I said a-boom, chicka rocka ¶
45
00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:58,150
¶ Chicka rocka, chicka boom ¶
46
00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,818
Oh, boy, Snotski.
47
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,420
Looks like someone
was in such a rush,
48
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,654
he forgot
his sleeping bag.
49
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,590
No matter.
You can share mine.
50
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:05,924
We'll just sleep
nose-to-nose --
51
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:08,393
keep our privates
at a respectful distance
52
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:09,795
and our faces...
53
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:10,996
mashed together, I guess.
54
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:13,265
Actually, Steve,
I won't need
55
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,466
my own bedding
this summer,
56
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,901
'cause I have this.
57
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,436
Whoa, buddy!
58
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,471
Only counselors are allowed
to have whistles.
59
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,073
Wait. Are you --
60
00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:22,674
A counselor-in-training.
61
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,910
My whistle's corked
so you can't blow through it.
62
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,812
But Chief Danny
says if I do
63
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,847
a good job with
the Lil' Apaches,
64
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,850
I'll get full
whistle privileges.
65
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,853
How...'s it going, boys?
66
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,588
I tell ya, Steve,
every time I see you,
67
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,257
I just want to give you
a wedgie!
68
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,692
You've got a wedgie face.
Anyone ever tell you that?
69
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,294
I usually get
"Ellen Page."
70
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:43,795
But I'm
a big Cherokee now,
71
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,831
so I'll be the one
giving the wedgies.
72
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,799
Actually, no one
will be giving wedgies.
73
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:50,669
Thanks to a lawsuit that until
now, I was sure you'd filed,
74
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,305
we have a zero-tolerance policy
for bullying.
75
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,007
I don't like it
personally,
76
00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:57,876
but it's really helpful
for the wimps and the Polacks.
77
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:02,981
Why would you choose to be
a C.I.T. instead of a camper?
78
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:05,184
If you're a C.I.T.,
you don't have to pay.
79
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,619
It's the only way I could
afford to come this year.
80
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,221
I always forget
how poor you are.
81
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,023
I drink generic milk.
82
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:13,825
It's gray
and comes in a bag.
83
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:16,662
I think it's softening
my bones.
84
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,497
But I promise you,
nothing is going to change
85
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:19,898
between us this summer.
86
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,533
Big boys rule the camp?
87
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,702
BOTH:
¶ Yeah, big boys rule the ca-- ¶
88
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,973
I'm part of a
class-action lawsuit.
89
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:30,475
¶¶
90
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,377
You all laughed at me,
91
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,414
but I told you we needed
five newspaper subscriptions.
92
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,748
Happy anniversary,
babe!
93
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,518
Oh, yeah, congratulations,
you two!
94
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,019
Which anniversary is it?
95
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,322
Is it one?
96
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,923
Is it two?
97
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,192
Is it 69?
98
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,493
(laughing)
99
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:50,062
Well executed, Jeff.
100
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:52,998
You just earned yourself
one month of USA Today.
101
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,234
Anyway, we're gonna celebrate
by heading out to Burning Man.
102
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:57,669
I used to burn.
Got too corporate.
103
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,905
Now you gotta poo
in designated areas.
104
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,407
Anyhoo, how'd you get tickets?
I hear it's hard now.
105
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,243
Uh...
106
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:06,178
You didn't get tickets?
107
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:08,213
You told me you were
taking care of it!
108
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:09,915
(imitating Jeff)
"I got it covered, babe."
109
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:12,017
Hey, don't get on
the naggin' wagon now.
110
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:14,219
Could've used that
when I forgot to get tickets!
111
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:16,855
Ugh! Way to ruin our
anniversary!
112
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,791
69 years down the drain.
113
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,363
(crickets chirping)
114
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:27,266
...which is how
this camp came to be built
115
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:29,735
on an ancient
Indian burial ground.
116
00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,370
Which tribe?
117
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:34,206
The, uh -- Whatever, kid.
They were friggin' Indians.
118
00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:37,809
And some say their zombie chief
still haunts the camp.
119
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,044
(light switch clicks)
120
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:41,280
Whoa, whoa, Steve!
What's going on?
121
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:44,082
Just telling the Lil' Apaches
here the legend of the camp.
122
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:47,719
(as the Cryptkeeper)
It's a great "dead"-time story.
123
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,088
(laughing evilly)
124
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,990
Okay, maybe that's not
a good idea.
125
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,759
If you get 'em
all riled up,
126
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,093
I'm the one that
has to read 'em
127
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,995
an extra chapter
of "Super Fudge".
128
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,664
(normal voice)
I thought this C.I.T. stuff
129
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,165
wasn't going to change us
having fun.
130
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:01,767
It's not!
131
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:04,736
Look, let's hang at the rope
swing tomorrow after lunch,
132
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,004
just you and me.
133
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,439
What about them?
134
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:08,807
They'll be
writing letters home
135
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:12,110
and playing with the iPads
they smuggle in.
136
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,111
Right, guys?
137
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,813
We don't all have iPads.
138
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,448
(laughter)
139
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,151
My Etch-a-Sketch can do
something your iPad can't.
140
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,155
¶¶
141
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:26,358
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on!
142
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,162
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on!
143
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:33,632
Since you couldn't go
to Burning Man,
144
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,101
I brought Burning Man
to you!
145
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:39,871
I'm giving you two
the best anniversary ever.
146
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,606
And tearing up my lawn!
147
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,175
It's a Burn, Stan.
148
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:45,811
The only limit...
149
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,446
is your mind.
150
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,348
(crash)
151
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,949
And the property line.
152
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,285
(crickets chirping)
153
00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:55,454
I can't believe Snot
stood me up.
154
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:58,290
I've wasted the whole day
flawlessly skipping stones.
155
00:05:58,292 --> 00:06:01,326
Oh, no! It's the man
from the other side of the lake!
156
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,994
Are these yours?!
157
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:06,998
Your stone hit me and my wife
while we were making love!
158
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,967
You were alone
over there.
159
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,036
That is one narrative!
160
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,538
¶¶
161
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,240
SNOT: (thinking)
As far back as I can remember,
162
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,376
I always wanted to be
a counselor.
163
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:21,546
Hey, what do you call 50 townies
at the bottom of a rockslide?
164
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,683
A good start!
(laughter)
165
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:27,419
Good one, Chief!
Get you another Sprite?
166
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:30,322
I don't know, Snot.
Do townies eat their own shit?
167
00:06:30,324 --> 00:06:32,491
(laughter)
168
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:35,861
To me, being a counselor
169
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:38,830
was better than being president
of the United States.
170
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:43,101
It meant being a somebody
in a town full of nobodies.
171
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,870
STEVE:
You guys get Sprite?!
172
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:49,207
Camper Steve? What are you doing
in the counselor cabin?!
173
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:52,277
I'm sorry, Chief.
Just a little misunderstanding.
174
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,680
Do you have any idea how long
I was waiting out there for you?
175
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,015
I'm sorry.
176
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,717
What happened to us
having fun together?
177
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,852
I have
responsibilities now,
178
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,087
grown-up stuff.
179
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,622
That are more
important than me?
180
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:04,689
Yes!
181
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:07,359
I mean...sometimes.
182
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:08,360
Yes.
183
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:10,529
Oh. Okay.
184
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:11,730
Look, Steve--
185
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:12,764
Apology accepted.
186
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,366
I wasn't apologizing.
187
00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:18,103
I was just gonna say
it's bedtime for you.
188
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,039
What a dick.
189
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,508
I'm still here.
I wasn't talking to you.
190
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:29,214
This guy was talking to this guy
about how much of a dick he is.
191
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,450
I'm tired of you guys
fighting all the time.
192
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,919
You want to make up
in my mouth?
193
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:36,388
(moaning)
194
00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:40,025
BOY: This, Smith. This is why
no one wants to canoe with you.
195
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:45,730
(door slams)
196
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:48,266
Hey, guys!
How was arts and crafts?
197
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:50,302
You make some
cool dreamcatchers?
198
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,305
Great! Great!
199
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:57,008
I've just been finding
all the candy you hid in here!
200
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,811
In your pillowcases,
under your mattresses.
201
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:04,416
And, guys, come on. I know
"Todd" isn't a real camper.
202
00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:06,952
He's just a bunch of
Starburst mushed together
203
00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:08,620
wearing Noah's clothes.
204
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:11,156
Didn't you used to sneak
candy into camp?
205
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,124
Yeah,
when I was a kid.
206
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,460
Now you're looking
at a grown-ass man.
207
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,795
Do you see this?
208
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:20,165
This is what a grown-ass man
looks like.
209
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,967
You are all
missing swimming.
210
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,502
And if I find
this stuff again,
211
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:25,303
I'm gonna make you smell
these Air Walks
212
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,540
I've been wearing
all summer without socks.
213
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:31,676
STEVE: Snot's not letting you
have any fun, huh?
214
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,278
Well, I'm here
to change that.
215
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:38,683
(inhaling)
216
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,019
(coughing)
217
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,621
(straining)
That's a lot of powdered sugar.
218
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,189
(coughing)
219
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,426
What is happening?
220
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,696
What is happening is...
221
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,231
(coughing)
222
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,065
...is I'm...
223
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,568
(coughing)
224
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,571
Mm! Whew!
225
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:02,040
I'm here to invite
you guys on a panty raid.
226
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,909
Won't that get us
in more trouble?
227
00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:06,211
Listen, I came here
to have fun!
228
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,480
This time tomorrow,
we could all be knee-deep
229
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:11,583
in stolen Disney
princess Underoos!
230
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:12,584
Yes!
Yeah!
231
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,352
Whoo!
Let's do it!
232
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,688
Still doesn't change the fact
that I'm wetting my bed
233
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:19,891
because I'm homesick
for Mommy.
234
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,394
(loud dubstep music plays)
235
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,667
Hello, my lovelies.
236
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:31,903
I have playa gifts for you.
237
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,172
Anniversary necklaces.
238
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,541
Together, they symbolize
your love.
239
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:39,744
Wow! Roger,
these are beautiful!
240
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,513
Did you
make them yourself?
241
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:43,048
I went
to Target myself.
242
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,584
I told you, I want this
to be special for you.
243
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:47,719
Later, I'm cooking you
a gourmet meal.
244
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,721
Plus, I made you
a sheet of acid.
245
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:52,023
Each tab features
a little alien saying,
246
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,592
"Take me
to your dealer."
247
00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,226
(chuckling)
They usually say "leader,"
248
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,696
but this alien likes drugs.
249
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,367
This is so thoughtful.
250
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:04,469
This whole thing,
it's just...
251
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:05,937
too thoughtful.
252
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,540
When has Roger ever done
anything just to be nice?
253
00:10:08,542 --> 00:10:09,774
He always has
an ulterior motive.
254
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,643
Dude, that's true.
255
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,044
Maybe
these psychedelics
256
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,746
will help us see
through his plan.
257
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:17,716
Jeff, no! Look, until we figure
out what Roger's up to,
258
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,318
we should do nothing,
trust nothing...
259
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,786
take nothing.
260
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,389
Can I take a Benadryl
if I get stung by a bee?
261
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,091
Yes, Jeff,
you can take that.
262
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,126
What about Roger's
homemade Benadryl?
263
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,928
It's good that you're
asking me about these these.
264
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,463
No.
265
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,135
What's that
horrible music?
266
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,503
It's called dubstep.
267
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:41,506
It's the sound of living in your
parents' basement forever.
268
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,108
(laughing)
269
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,510
Why are you being
so uptight, Stan?
270
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,078
Come hula-hoop with me!
271
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,014
Is there another one?!
272
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:57,155
(wind blowing)
273
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,591
Oh, no! Roger's acid!
274
00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:03,261
Each of these things can make
a full-grown man trip balls!
275
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:06,998
Imagine what they'll do
to a four-ounce goldfish!
276
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,802
...cracker?
277
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,771
I think I'm
"crackering" up!
278
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:15,206
(canned laughter)
279
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,708
(applause)
280
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:19,010
(gasps)
They're all here!
281
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,680
Milanos, Chessmen...
282
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:22,947
Pretzel Thins.
283
00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:24,115
(applause intensifies)
284
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,284
Congratulations,
Klaus.
285
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,720
You're high as shit.
286
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:31,222
¶¶
287
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:36,828
Okay, guys, I did
a little panty raid recon
288
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,196
on the girls' cabin.
289
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,298
Actually, we're not doing
the panty raid.
290
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,133
W-Why not?!
291
00:11:42,134 --> 00:11:43,967
Well, we talked about it,
and we get the sense
292
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:46,171
that you're a pretty nerdy
14-year-old.
293
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:48,540
But us, we're pretty cool
10-year-olds.
294
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:51,209
I've kissed three girls
this summer.
295
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:55,080
So, we're feeling like we should
avoid anything that you do.
296
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,181
(sighs)
297
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,650
Okay, first of all, Paul?
298
00:11:58,652 --> 00:11:59,984
[Bleep] you.
299
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:02,554
(loud dubstep music plays)
300
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,689
Whoa! Cool bed!
301
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:07,025
I stress-tested this baby
to four tons,
302
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,860
so feel free
to pound it out.
303
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,895
Again,
very thoughtful.
304
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,430
The food looks
delicious, too.
305
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,866
Good -- so you'll eat,
then get nice and tired
306
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,901
and sleep
like the dead.
307
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,337
What's that?
It looks like...blood.
308
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:20,872
(chuckles nervously)
Must be mine.
309
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:23,141
I mean, who else's
would it be?
310
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,010
Nope. One of those
cocker spaniels
311
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:27,712
must've had their
period in here.
312
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:30,248
Okay, you two,
eat and sleep time!
313
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:35,320
(crickets chirping
and owl hooting)
314
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:39,090
(whispering)
Oh, this is awesome!
315
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,725
You guys should've seen
the Lil' Apaches.
316
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:43,695
They were all like, "Can
we please come with you, Steve?
317
00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:45,764
None of us have even
kissed a girl."
318
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,800
I heard Paul is plowing his way
through Cabin 7.
319
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:52,370
The point is I told them
if I'ma do a panty raid,
320
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,239
I'ma do it
with my O.G.s --
321
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:57,442
the younger,
sleepier Mini Mohawks.
322
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,210
This doesn't feel fun,
323
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,879
what you're doing
right now.
324
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,647
It feels
more desperate.
325
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,249
(shouting)
Desperate how?!
326
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,951
Okay, so...
we're gonna bounce.
327
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,053
Just 'cause
we're leaving
328
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:12,390
doesn't mean we don't want you
to get better.
329
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,859
(loud dubstep music plays)
330
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,296
Hey!
Where's your glow?
331
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,964
Darktards!
(bicycle bell dings)
332
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:24,068
All right, we need to figure out
what Roger is up to.
333
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:25,837
Klaus, are you okay?
334
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:28,139
Oh, yeah, I'm cool.
I'm cool.
335
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,574
I was just gonna
cut my face off
336
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,810
to let the shadow people
out of my skull.
337
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,444
So, the burritos
are up for grabs?
338
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,681
Burritos?!
I'm marrying this young couple.
339
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:39,217
(music continues)
340
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:43,421
All right,
I think I got something.
341
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,490
Roger wrote down
a phone number.
342
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:48,993
Reverse lookup says it's a
medical clinic in El Salvador.
343
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,862
Hey, does this
mean anything?
344
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,102
Holy crap!
345
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,104
Roger set this whole thing up
to take our organs!
346
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:01,806
Roger's evil!
347
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:04,342
But you gotta give him a little
credit for being so...
348
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,845
organ...ized.
349
00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:09,981
(chuckling)
There's that smile.
350
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,483
¶¶
351
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:14,953
Bunch of 8-year-olds
calling me nerdy.
352
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,488
Bunch of 6-year-olds
calling me desperate.
353
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,123
I don't need any of 'em.
354
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:20,658
Snot?
Gotcha.
355
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,561
Don't you mean "Gotye"?
'Cause you're...
356
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,798
¶ Somebody
that I used to know ¶
357
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,235
ANNOUNCER:
"American Dad" remembers Gotye.
358
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:31,636
I can't let you do this.
359
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,571
Sure you can!
You can do it with me!
360
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,540
You don't think
I wanna have fun?
361
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,509
But if I have fun,
sunscreen is not applied,
362
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,545
friendship bracelets
are poorly woven,
363
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:44,315
and no one scratches Chief
Danny's bug bites to completion!
364
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:47,585
You know what? Forget it!
I got panties to try on --
365
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,320
raid! To raid.
366
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,822
Stop, Steve, or I'll --
367
00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:53,157
What? Blow
your corked whistle?
368
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,896
You wouldn't dare.
369
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,431
(blowing whistle)
370
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,102
C.I.T. Snot,
you uncorked your whistle.
371
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,737
This better be good.
372
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:08,907
Camper Steve was
about to commit...a panty raid.
373
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,676
By himself?
That's kind of a bummer.
374
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:15,046
And also a clear violation
of our no-bullying policy.
375
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,214
I gotta send ya home.
376
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:17,282
What?!
377
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:18,616
I will, however,
allow you
378
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:21,552
to sing "Boom Chicka Boom"
one last time.
379
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,021
But I...
380
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:24,689
¶ I said
a-boom chicka-boom ¶
381
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,758
(sadly)
¶ I said a-boom chicka-boom ¶
382
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,693
¶ I said a-boom
chicka-boom ¶
383
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,795
(crying)
¶ I said a-boom chicka-boom ¶
384
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:34,232
¶ I said a-boom chicka
rocka chicka rocka chicka boom ¶
385
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:39,203
(sobbing) ¶ I said a-boom chicka
rocka chicka rocka ¶
386
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:40,672
¶ Chicka boom ¶
387
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,443
¶¶
388
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,611
Gimme a Sprite.
389
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,413
Get the hell
out of my bar.
390
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:51,382
Don't tell me --
Sprite's only for counselors.
391
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,617
(glass shatters)
392
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,386
There's two things we don't
like in this town--
393
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,289
that lousy summer camp
and Sprite.
394
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:01,793
So, you can do the Dew,
or you can be on your way.
395
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:04,228
You don't have to tell me
that camp sucks.
396
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:05,496
It double-sucks.
397
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:08,800
Hey, everybody, this kid's
making a lot of sense over here.
398
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:11,269
What'd he say, Meaux?
399
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:13,737
He said that camp,
and I quote, "double-sucks."
400
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,406
Whoa!
(chuckles)
401
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:18,609
I never had the balls to push it
that far, but he's right.
402
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,578
They drive straight
through our town
403
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,246
to drop their
bratty kids off.
404
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:24,649
Never once stopping by to see
what the mill's like.
405
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,451
It's really cool
in there.
406
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,785
I bet it is.
407
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,454
That dumb camp
kicked me out
408
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,356
'cause I wouldn't play
by their rules.
409
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:34,492
Now my life is garbage,
just like you guys.
410
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,327
Yeah!
This kid gets us.
411
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,329
Ah, I wish
there were some way
412
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,164
we could help ya
get back at that camp --
413
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,666
you know,
since you're one of us.
414
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,468
We could give him
a tour of the mill.
415
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:44,769
It's really cool
in there.
416
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,604
Yes. Maybe not today,
417
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,940
but let's definitely
get that on the books.
418
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:51,709
In the meantime,
I know just how you guys
419
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:53,211
can help me
get back at that camp.
420
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,779
But before we get to that,
421
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:58,149
which sushi roll
would you recommend?
422
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,618
(loud dubstep music plays)
423
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,357
(singsong voice)
Hayley.
424
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,126
Jeff.
425
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,727
Watermelon.
426
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,029
Aha! Busted!
427
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,663
Wait, what are you --
Did you not sleep
428
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,966
in the beautiful bed
I put together for you?
429
00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:18,469
Nope, we've avoided everything
you've done for us this weekend
430
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,172
because we know you're
harvesting organs!
431
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,907
That cooler is probably
full of 'em.
432
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:25,977
This cooler...is filled...
433
00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:29,547
with fresh smoked salmon
for your breakfast in bed!
434
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:34,085
Man! For once in my life,
I do something
435
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,254
with absolutely
no ulterior motive
436
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:39,424
'cause, "Oh, it's supposed to
make you feel so good!"
437
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,042
Never again!
438
00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:42,659
So what's with the operating
room in your attic?
439
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,096
I was harvesting
my own organs!
440
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,866
How do you think I was planning
to pay for all this?
441
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:51,569
Unfortunately, there's not much
of a market for alien organs,
442
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,738
so I'm going to have to
put 'em back in.
443
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,773
Or maybe not -- I haven't
noticed a single difference
444
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:56,908
since I took them out.
445
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:57,909
Oh, my God!
446
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:01,012
¶ Let's all go to the body ¶
447
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:03,714
¶ Let's all go to the body ¶
448
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:06,884
¶ Let's all go to the bodyyy ¶
449
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,220
¶ We'll go in
through the butt ¶
450
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,189
(organs chittering)
451
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,459
(trills)
452
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,060
(coughs)
453
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,029
How long was I out?
454
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:22,266
Jeff? Did you...
take advantage of me?
455
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,870
Looks like the counselors
won't be stopping us,
456
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,272
so let's have us
a panty raid!
457
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,907
Look, we're adults.
458
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,742
If we go stealing
little kids' panties,
459
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:34,779
well, that's a list you don't
wanna be on twice.
460
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,548
ALL: (chanting)
Raid, raid, raid!
461
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:40,451
Whoa! You guys are motivated!
Wait up!
462
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,086
Steve!
What are you doing?!
463
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,988
Me and my new friends
from town
464
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,124
are teaching this camp
some manners.
465
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:49,727
(grunting and screaming)
466
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,562
It looks more
like a riot.
467
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,331
(screaming)
468
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:56,100
(intense classical music
playing)
469
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,935
(screaming)
470
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,971
(grunting)
471
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,473
We're free!
472
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:09,447
This is gonna be
my coffee table!
473
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,849
Uh, guys, m-maybe we
should have a quick pow-wow
474
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,484
to review our
objectives here.
475
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,952
You're not our leader.
476
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,654
You're just some kid
that looks like Juno.
477
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,624
Only from certain angles!
Now calm down!
478
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:22,093
You think you can
tell us what to do?
479
00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:24,595
You'd -- You'd kill me
over this?!
480
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,931
Would it please m'lady?
(clears throat)
481
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:29,167
Sorry.
I meant "mill lady."
482
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,005
Run, Steve!
483
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,373
Get 'em!
484
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,541
(crowd shouting)
485
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,620
You can't tread water
forever!
486
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,189
Yeah, but we can do it
for 20 minutes,
487
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,291
or else we wouldn't
have lake privileges!
488
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,293
Townie huddle!
489
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,994
(muttering)
Privileges...20 minutes...
490
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,229
I know, I know.
491
00:19:58,231 --> 00:19:59,897
(muttering continues)
492
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,833
Okay!
Enjoy your swim party.
493
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,001
We're gonna keep raiding.
494
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:06,003
(crowd cheering and shouting)
495
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:09,307
Sorry I brought hell
into this camp.
496
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:10,474
I was just mad at you
497
00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:12,843
because you were becoming
a grown-up first,
498
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,246
and it was...
changing everything.
499
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:17,148
No, Steve, I was wrong.
500
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:20,685
I thought being a grown-up meant
not having fun anymore.
501
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,186
But look at them.
502
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,422
Let me down,
you townie scum!
503
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:25,756
Whoo-hoo!
504
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,558
Best day ever!
505
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,026
They're having a ball!
506
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,261
Exactly.
507
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:32,730
No matter
how grown up we get...
508
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,032
We'll always be able
to have fun.
509
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:37,034
I think he's havin'
a heart attack!
510
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:38,536
(laughter)
511
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,004
(factory whistle blows)
512
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:41,172
Shift change!
(chief whimpers)
513
00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:43,274
Time to get to work, fellas!
514
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,414
(eerie whooshing)
515
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,720
(gasps)
516
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:57,121
Yes.
517
00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:59,123
This body will do.
518
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:02,193
Ew! Ew!
I'm covered in ants!
519
00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,161
Have a great night!