1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:03,335
¶¶
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,637
Ah,
Saturday afternoon TV,
3
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:08,540
where the sneaky networks
hide all the good shows --
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,676
A guy with question marks
on his suit
5
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,111
yelling tax secrets at me,
6
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,046
"Rick Steves:
Gloryholin' Europe,"
7
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,181
and of course,
the secret final episode
8
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,549
of "Caroline in the City."
9
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,021
Now the city is mine!
10
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,789
[ Laughs ]
11
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,657
Still holds up!
12
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:28,327
¶¶
13
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,329
¶ I'll be ready ¶
14
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:31,830
¶ I'll be ready ¶
15
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:34,333
¶ Never you fear ¶
16
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:36,635
¶ No, don't you fear ¶
Well, suck me off
through a hole
17
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,870
and call me Rick Steves,
18
00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:38,837
what is this?!
19
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,039
It's "Baywatch."
20
00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:41,473
You've never seen
"Baywatch"?
21
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:42,975
Do you like this,
Roger?
22
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:45,377
Franny,
I like the smell of gasoline.
23
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,479
I like to play
with Stan's dingaling
24
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,514
while he sleeps.
25
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,682
This. This, I love!
26
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,051
Wait, wha--
what was that second thing?
27
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:53,419
Why were you keeping
28
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,754
the exciting world of lifeguards
from me?!
29
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,556
I'm watching upstairs!
30
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,163
Guys,
we have huge news!
31
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,431
[ Inhales ]
32
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:06,999
We're going to start
trying for a baby!
33
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:09,268
[ Squeals, laughs ]
34
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,103
Steve,
you're gonna be an uncle!
35
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:13,338
[ Squeals, laughs ]
36
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:14,673
And what will I be?
37
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:19,044
Oh, Klaus,
you'll be...nearby.
38
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:22,114
And, Dad,
you're gonna be a grandpa!
39
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:24,349
Dad?
40
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:25,751
Dad,
where are you going?
41
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,252
[ Door closes ]
42
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,854
[ Tires screech ]
43
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,023
How'd you get this car
so fast?
44
00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:33,125
I got it
at Off Screen Motors.
45
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:35,127
Hey! No cameras!
46
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,762
We're never on camera!
47
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:39,231
Honey, why are you upset?
48
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,600
I'm excited about
being a grandmother!
49
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,768
Of course you are.
50
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,104
Society celebrates women
as they age.
51
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:46,538
It's different for men.
52
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,941
Aging just means
we're closer to death.
53
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,576
And I've got
too much to live for.
54
00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:51,977
I own a Corvette!
55
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:54,379
[ Engine revs, tires squeal ]
Me too!
56
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:57,382
I just turned the same age
as my dad when he died!
57
00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,953
[ Tires squeal ]
58
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:03,589
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
59
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:07,426
¶ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶
60
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:10,562
¶ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ¶
61
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:15,000
¶ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ¶
62
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:20,239
¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶
63
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,674
¶ Good -- ¶
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
64
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:23,809
Aah!
65
00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:28,413
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
66
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:30,916
¶¶
67
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,851
What's all this?
68
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,520
I felt bad about
how I reacted
69
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:36,321
to your wonderful news
yesterday.
70
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,991
So I'm cooking breakfast
for my sweet daughter.
71
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,492
Aww, thanks, Dad.
72
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,328
or should I say...
"Grandpa".
73
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,332
[ Blender whirs ]
Fresh squeezed O.J.?!
74
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,500
Great!
75
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,536
I've never tried it
blended!
76
00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:51,870
[ Blender shuts off ]
Enjoy!
77
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,141
You know, Stan,
78
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:57,843
Tropicana makes an O.J.
pre-mixed with birth control --
79
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,646
Country style,
tons of pulp.
80
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,681
Mmm. You gotta drink it
with a fork.
81
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,116
To cover all my bases,
82
00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:06,785
I've got something special
planned for Jeff.
83
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,820
Also,
most flavors of Go-Gurt
84
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,156
can double
as a pubic lice shampoo.
85
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,158
[ Engine revs ]
86
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,227
Jeff, I wanted
to take you out to dinner
87
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,863
to celebrate your efforts
to impregnate my daughter.
88
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,199
It's not that much
of an effort, Mr. S.
89
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:23,735
I just lie on top of her
and flop around like a fish.
90
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,070
Great.
91
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,371
Excellent.
92
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,307
And here we are
at the restaurant!
93
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,878
This place looks fancy.
94
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,379
I'm not sure
I can afford it.
95
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,081
Well, Jeff, I've never known
you to pay for anything,
96
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,417
but it's interesting
that you still pretend to try.
97
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,918
That's why
I bought a wallet.
98
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,487
Well,
you bought me the wallet.
99
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,356
You know
what I'm talking about --
100
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,425
the wallet!
Yes, the wallet, Jeff.
101
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,994
The wallet.
So, you know,
so I can go like this.
102
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,329
I can reach for it.
103
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:51,863
Yes, yes,
that's the move, Jeff.
104
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,165
That's the move.
105
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,500
Wonderful.
106
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,574
Steve,
you're giving away all
107
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,776
of your popular
trademarked toys?!
108
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:08,213
Yep, my GI Joels,
my Trans-Changers,
109
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:11,917
My "My Tiny Baby Horse,"
Warm Wheels,
110
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,585
Lettuce Field Gang doll,
111
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,521
My Pre-teen
Radiated Judo Bullfrogs,
112
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,558
Giggle-Me-Elmer,
Theo Ruxberg.
113
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,692
Even my Smorfs.
114
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,628
All classics.
115
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,363
So, why are you
getting rid of them?
116
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,864
Well, I'm gonna be
an uncle.
117
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,533
So it's time to put away
my childish things.
118
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:32,437
Things such as Leegos,
Malibu Barbara,
119
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,106
Affection Bears.
120
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,575
Plus, of course, there's
the matter of my board games --
121
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:39,711
Slides and Stepstools,
Connect Three,
122
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:44,616
Starving Starving Rhinos,
Scrapple, Guess Whom,
123
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:48,220
Front-gammon,
Unincorporated Candy Township.
124
00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:50,956
As you can see, I take
being an uncle very seriously.
125
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,491
I totally get it.
126
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,794
I take my family role
very seriously too.
127
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,729
You know -- being "nearby."
128
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,598
Oh, Klaus.
129
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,667
Were you there
when she said that?
130
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,235
Roger:
[ Blows whistle ]
131
00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:05,837
Last warning, guys --
no glass in the swimming area.
132
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,439
Uh, this is my bedroom.
133
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:10,609
To us lifeguards, the whole
world is a swimming area.
134
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:13,111
See you nutsacks
by the pool later.
135
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,346
Aah.
136
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:17,916
Get help...
you nutsacks.
137
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:22,688
So, pretty sweet they gave us
a private dining room, huh?
138
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:25,857
But why do you think
the maître d' shaved my junk?
139
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,793
This is
an Italian restaurant.
140
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:30,529
-Oh!
-Hello, Mr. Fischer.
141
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,931
I see you're prepped.
Now, this procedure --
142
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,800
No need to hear the specials,
my good man.
143
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,101
We know what we want.
144
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,169
I think
I'll have the spaghetti.
145
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,770
Spaghetti?
146
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,306
Jeff, never order out
what you can make at home.
147
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:44,476
I mean, okay, the sauce is
sometimes amazing, that's true.
148
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,611
And fresh pasta --
Can't beat that.
149
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,447
You know what?
I talked myself into it.
150
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,981
Make it two spaghettis.
151
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,650
How big
is your minestrone?
152
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:54,486
Is this man not aware he's here
for a medical procedure?
153
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,789
Can you tell me a little bit
more about your "colonoscopy"?
154
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,458
Is that spicy?
155
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:03,228
I'm sorry, but I can't operate
on a man this stupid.
156
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,430
[ "Baywatch" theme plays ]
157
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,565
[ Record scratching ]
Wait! Stop! Stop!
158
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,834
What are you doing?
These are my opening credits.
159
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,169
Oh, sorry.
160
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,171
I was just taking out
the garbage.
161
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:49,040
Did I mess things up?
Franny, be honest.
162
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:52,010
Do you think I have what it
takes to be a sexy lifeguard?
163
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,111
Roger...
164
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,747
I don't know
what's happening.
165
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:58,617
[ Door closes ]
166
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,886
Rough day at work?
Work?
167
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,754
Oh, yeah.
I should have gone to work.
168
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,357
I'm just so distracted
by this grandfather stuff.
169
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:08,693
Oh, Stan, I hoped you were
over that silliness.
170
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:11,062
Well, no matter.
It's out of our hands now.
171
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,531
What are you talking about?
172
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:15,200
Jeff and Hayley just left
for a romantic vacation
173
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,436
to the Atlantis Resort
in the Bahamas.
174
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:20,639
Oh, man.
Dudes get it in at Atlantis.
175
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,907
We have to go
to the Bahamas.
176
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,475
We do?
Yeah.
177
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,944
We need to be supportive
and help them in any way we can.
178
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,879
If we want to support Hayley
in this,
179
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,981
we should take her
to the dog track.
180
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,417
That always gets
my motor revvin'.
181
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:36,955
Seein' all those dogs
run real fast.
182
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,663
So, you're saying I'm obsessed
with stopping Hayley
183
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,097
from having a baby
184
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,933
because of my relationship
with my grandparents?
185
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,568
Ridiculous!
186
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:52,270
They were nice people who grew
older and smaller and weaker
187
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,972
until I found them both dead.
188
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,508
I only asked
if you wanted an ocean view.
189
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,410
And let them fishes
see me while I sleep?
190
00:07:58,412 --> 00:08:01,346
Uh, no, thank you.
-Where'd you get that doughnut?
191
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,348
I got it
on the Welcome Pastry Cart.
192
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,583
Where'd you get
that wine?
193
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,184
My suitcase.
194
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,319
Whoa.
195
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,354
[ "Baywatch" theme plays ]
196
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,204
[ Music continues ]
197
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,210
Dad?!
198
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,945
D-Dad,
what are you doing here?
199
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,647
You forgot
your orange juice.
200
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:38,884
Ugh. What is
that pink scum on top?
201
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:42,020
That means this orange juice
is for a girl.
202
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,623
Dad, this was supposed to be
a romantic getaway.
203
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,057
I've got my partner...
204
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,627
Men: [ Chanting ] Chug, chug!
Chug, chug!
205
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:51,162
So, where's yours?
He's in the Jacuzzi.
206
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:54,466
Do you dare me
to put my wiener in the jet?
207
00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,034
I do.
208
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,570
[ Children shouting playfully ]
209
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,407
Hey, sluggers!
I'm Mark!
210
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,409
I run the Kidz Klub
for the hotel.
211
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,411
You cool dudes
should join us.
212
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,680
We're making a hippo boat
out of milk cartons.
213
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,649
Mark, Mark, Mark.
214
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,918
Looks like you got
a great thing going here, Mark.
215
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,720
A week ago, I'd be rooting
around your Kidz Klub
216
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,155
like a pig in shit.
217
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,157
However, I'm about
to be an uncle.
218
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,861
So I'm looking for something
a little more mature.
219
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,864
Oh. I see.
220
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:29,000
Well, if you change your mind,
we'll always be here for you!
221
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,269
Don't bring that desperation
to my boy.
222
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,371
He's about to be an uncle.
223
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,174
You're a freakin' joke,
buddy.
224
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:40,679
Huh!
That's what I thought.
225
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:44,115
You know, this whole resort
feels like a Kidz Klub to me.
226
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,750
This isn't
the real Bahamas.
227
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,052
Yeah,
I was feeling that, too,
228
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,621
but you really put a bow
on it.
229
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:52,691
Klaus, if I want to give
worldly uncle advice,
230
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,559
I got to get out
in the real world.
231
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,729
Didn't they say it's dangerous
outside of the resort?
232
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,965
Those warnings
are for kids, Klaus.
233
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,535
[ Screams ]
234
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:06,004
¶¶
235
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,062
[ Thud ]
236
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,965
[ Glass squeaking ]
237
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,404
I don't know why you're
doing what you're doing,
238
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,772
but it has to stop.
239
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,907
Hayley, I didn't want
to have to do this,
240
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,909
but I forbid you
from having a baby.
241
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,611
I'm too young
to be a grandfather.
242
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,513
Well, don't worry about it.
You're never gonna be one.
243
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,315
Ah, what a relief.
[ Chuckles ]
244
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,684
Hey, what do you say you and me
go pet that manta ray?
245
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,319
Because...
246
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,989
when I have a baby,
you won't be part of its life.
247
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:03,028
Hey!
No running on the pool deck!
248
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,363
Did I get her?
249
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,165
[ Thud ]
Nope.
250
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:11,503
[ Sighs ]
251
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,271
Rough one, too?
252
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,841
I'm miserable, even though I've
achieved every actor's dream --
253
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,811
performing
in a hotel water show.
254
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:22,047
It's a show
about animal cruelty.
255
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:25,116
I play the villain,
Animal Strangling Johnson,
256
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,386
while Tyler gets to play
the hero, Ranger Ron.
257
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,688
You don't know
what it's like
258
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:32,657
to have 200 people
boo you every night.
259
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,325
The most boos
I've ever gotten
260
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:37,395
was like 60,
maybe 70 people.
261
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,665
I would do anything
to get to play Ranger Ron.
262
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,400
Anything.
263
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,135
I get it.
264
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:47,505
I would do anything to keep
my daughter and son-in-law
265
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:48,807
from having a baby.
266
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,675
Even murder?
267
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:52,143
-What?
-Eight Coronas, Jimmy.
268
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,912
Oh, hey, Stan.
269
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,581
Us lifeguards are having a big
bonfire on the beach later.
270
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,650
You should come.
But don't bring that guy.
271
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:01,753
He strangles animals.
Boo!
272
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:05,090
Talking to you reminds me
of a fun idea I had once.
273
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,425
Stan: Does it? You're not
having that effect on me.
274
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:11,930
Now, let's say that you'd like
to kill off your son-in-law.
275
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,698
This isn't
the fun idea, then?
276
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,067
But you can't,
because you'd get caught.
277
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,936
But let's say,
hypothetically,
278
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,705
two fellas with no connection
at all meet up,
279
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,173
and they swap murders --
280
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,908
hypothetically, of course.
281
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,610
Do you know
what "hypothetically" means?
282
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,713
Let's say...
hypothetically, I do.
283
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:31,449
We good?
I think so?
284
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,184
But do not kill
my son-in-law.
285
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:34,753
I can't be any more clear
about that.
286
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:37,856
You got it.
Great.
287
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,792
You know, I was
just thinking about it,
288
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,594
and the fact
that you winked at me
289
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:45,363
makes me think
that you might...
290
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,731
want to sleep with me.
291
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,266
And although I'm flattered,
292
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,035
and maybe even
a little bit curious,
293
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:52,771
um, I am
a happily married man.
294
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:55,974
And, um,
I'm gonna have to say...
295
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,842
no.
296
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,947
Did you say something?
297
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,150
Okay.
298
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,185
[ Birds chirping ]
299
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:12,290
So, your story
is that you just walked away
300
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,958
from the Atlantis Resort?
301
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,060
Yes, th-- That's right.
302
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,429
Could I get a glass of water?
It's very humid.
303
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:22,167
You expect me to believe
that you left seven pools,
304
00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:25,804
a casual dining bistro,
and a turquoise shop?
305
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:28,673
That's everything
a little boy could dream of...
306
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:32,577
unless that little boy
is a D.E.A junior agent!
307
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:35,346
What? The D.E.A wouldn't even
have jurisdiction down here.
308
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:39,117
Mr. D.E.A. quoting
from the D.E.A handbook.
309
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,286
Kill them
and feed them to the pigs.
310
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,154
Aah!
Please don't kill me!
311
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,689
I'm gonna be an uncle!
312
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:48,092
Wait.
You're going to be an uncle?
313
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,928
Why didn't you say so?
314
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,996
I am an uncle myself.
315
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,698
I'm gonna be
the best uncle ever.
316
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,166
Next to me.
317
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,869
My niece is so cute.
She can't say "mosquito."
318
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,370
She says "momito."
319
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,873
"Uncle Drake, I am covered
in momito bites."
320
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:04,209
[ Laughs ]
321
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:07,545
You know, I've been looking
for an uncle type
322
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,181
to step up
in my organization.
323
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,618
Joining
a violent drug gang.
324
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,953
I don't know.
325
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,555
Raising a child
is expensive.
326
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,958
A rich uncle
could really help out.
327
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,694
Listen to your fish.
Hmm.
328
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,163
You're not gonna sell this
to any white people, are you?
329
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:26,631
Not directly.
330
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,366
I'm in!
331
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,702
[ Cellphone buzzes ]
332
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:34,239
[ Groans ]
Who's texting me this early?
333
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:35,707
[ Cellphone chiming ]
334
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:40,845
"Whoa!
How about you just chill?"
335
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:42,714
Surfer emoji.
336
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:45,483
Should I put a snowflake on
there to really sell the chill?
337
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,318
[ Cellphone chiming ]
338
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:52,357
Oh, God.
I got to find Jeff!
339
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,658
[ Door opens ]
340
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,159
Where am I?
341
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:57,095
A hotel room!
342
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,964
You're getting a lot better
at drinking, Francine.
343
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,571
Jeff's not in his room.
344
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,407
All right, if I'm gonna find
him, I've got to think like him.
345
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:13,011
Okay, I'm a 20-year-old stoner
trying to bang my daughter.
346
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,713
Where would I go?
347
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,749
Donny! Wait!
348
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:21,352
Aah! My back!
349
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:27,458
Oh! Oh!
350
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,760
[ Italian accent ]
My cart!
351
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,095
My grandfather's pastry cart!
352
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,797
[ Italian accent ]
You promised me we would find
353
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:35,066
a better life
here on the island!
354
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,268
[ Sighs ]
I should have married Guiseppe.
355
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,972
Guiseppe!
356
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,007
¶¶
357
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,910
Now, be careful out there,
girls.
358
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:48,246
I can handle losing
a few grams of product.
359
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:50,315
I don't know what I'd do
if I lost one of you.
360
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:51,549
-Aww.
-Aww.
361
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,151
Now I'll quit
jibber-jabbering
362
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:56,321
and let you girls stuff those
coke condoms up your asses.
363
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:59,891
Great work, Shazmayne.
You too, Sydney.
364
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:02,126
Mateo, buddy,
what's wrong?
365
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,762
Where's
that famous Mateo smile?
366
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:07,265
Mateo's smile hides today.
367
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,100
Well, that's no good.
368
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,336
Want me to buy you
a poster of the planets?
369
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:12,937
No, Mr. Uncle Steve.
370
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:15,073
It's just, uh, well,
371
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:17,475
M-Mr. Klaus --
He's sort of --
372
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,977
Klaus: Sort of what?!
373
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,612
First, I told you
I want to be called Razor.
374
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,848
How hard
is that to remember?
375
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,917
Maybe you need
a little reminder...
376
00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:27,418
every time you dance!
377
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:28,586
Ha!
378
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,254
Um, Razor.
A word.
379
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,590
You've been acting
a little erratic lately.
380
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,459
I know.
It's terrible.
381
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,461
I think
I know what it might be.
382
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,363
[ Inhales deeply ]
383
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:40,965
Gah. I feel, like,
super-disconnected
from the family.
384
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,501
I mean, Hayley said that thing
about me being "nearby,"
385
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,336
and it got me spinning out,
and I feel like -- Hold on.
386
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,838
[ Inhales deeply ]
387
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,339
I feel like I'm trying
to make the gang a new family,
388
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,807
but the "Razor" thing?
389
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,142
I mean, it's just -- just
not a home run yet.
390
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,311
What?
Ridiculous!
391
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,279
You're "the Razor"!
392
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:57,148
That means
something around here.
393
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:58,783
Maybe just
a little less coke,
394
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,485
a little less
threatening people's toes.
395
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,487
Who says
I'm doing too much coke?!
396
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:05,690
Okay, shoes on, everyone.
Razor's in one of his moods.
397
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:09,961
[ Groans ]
398
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:11,362
Here you go,
old-timer.
399
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,997
[ Groans ]
400
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:15,366
[ Straining ]
Got to find Jeff.
401
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,503
[ Blows whistle ]
Hey!
402
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:19,837
Where'd you get
that popsicle?
403
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,539
Is that a Rocket Pop?
404
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,374
They told me
they were out.
405
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,476
[ Blows whistle ]
406
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:26,878
Damn it, Roger!
My ears!
407
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,212
Bitch got my pop!
408
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,747
Eh?
409
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,221
Give us back our ball!
Eh?
410
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,223
God, I hate old people.
411
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:40,391
Get him!
412
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,160
Eh?
[ Indistinct shouting ]
413
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,428
No!
414
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:48,066
[ Dramatic music plays ]
415
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:54,005
It has come
to my attention
416
00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:56,674
that we're light
on product this month.
417
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,709
Someone is ripping me off!
418
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,211
Who do you think it is?
419
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,579
My money's on Mateo.
420
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,914
[ Grunting ]
421
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,348
Just give me the word,
and I'll cut him.
422
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:05,917
I'll do it
in the town square.
423
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:08,886
That way, everyone knows
who runs this [bleep] island.
424
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:11,422
Shut up!
I know it was one of you two.
425
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:15,526
And you're both
going to die.
426
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:20,031
I knew it was a mistake
to mix business and uncles.
427
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:24,569
I told you we'd always be here
for you, Steve!
428
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,204
Glue guns now, gang!
429
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,539
[ Groaning ]
430
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,775
[ Tinkle! ]
431
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,377
Way to go, P.J.!
432
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:35,480
We're all helping equally.
433
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,881
Come on, Steve.
434
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,620
I didn't know
Kids Klub was so bad-ass!
435
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,756
You know,
I've never lost a kid.
436
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,592
[ Screams ]
437
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:51,229
Steve:
You're amazing, Mark!
438
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,798
Mmm! Mmmmm!
439
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:57,668
[ "Baywatch" theme plays ]
440
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,510
[ Music stops ]
441
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:13,251
[ Vomits, coughs ]
442
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:16,187
Jeff!
443
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,523
Aah!
444
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:19,790
Kids, look!
445
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,692
That's
Animal Strangling Johnson!
446
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:22,860
Donny, catch!
447
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:25,163
[ Indistinct shouting ]
448
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:26,898
[ Screaming ]
449
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,268
What the hell
is going on, Dad?
450
00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,870
I'm so sorry
for being such an idiot.
451
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,473
I thought I was too young
to be a grandfather.
452
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,976
But now I realize young
is the best time to do it.
453
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,179
If I wait too long
to have grandchildren,
454
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,880
they're gonna drown me
in a pool.
455
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:46,017
Come to think of it, that's
how I killed my grandfather.
456
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,486
I'm a little confused.
What's happening?
457
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,955
What's happening
is that I'm giving you two
458
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,690
my blessing
to have children.
459
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,293
Aww.
Thanks, Dad.
460
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,728
[ "Baywatch" theme plays ]
461
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,900
Glad you came around, Stan.
462
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,802
That's gonna be
one hell of a baby.
463
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,037
Thanks, Roger.
Yep.
464
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,738
Half human, half alien.
465
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,575
Gonna be
one gorgeous splice baby.
466
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:11,909
What are you talking about?
467
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,911
Oh, yeah.
You don't remember. [ Laughs ]
468
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:17,181
Isn't it ironic that I forget
that your minds were erased?
469
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,482
[ Laughs ]
470
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,985
Anyway, Jeff's brain
is in an alien body.
471
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,420
It was
a whole thing in space.
472
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,889
And nobody but me knows.
And now you.
473
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:28,059
And the guy who's behind us
who won't stop eavesdropping!
474
00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,261
We know you're not asleep,
buddy.
475
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:33,030
Sorry.
I'm just naturally curious.
[ Door opens ]
476
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,999
Wow, Jeff.
That was amazing.
477
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,501
Look, Mr. S.!
I fell in the toilet!
478
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,273
Are you sure about this?
479
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,709
That your daughter's married
to an alien with superpowers?
480
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:47,111
Yeah, babe.
Superpowers?!
481
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:56,187
That's right, Dadders.
Jeff has superpowers.
482
00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:59,056
Tune in next week
and see if we deal with that.
483
00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:02,126
And maybe
Reginald will come back.
484
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:03,961
Bye-bye!
See you soon!