1 00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:03,335 ¶¶ 2 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,637 Ah, Saturday afternoon TV, 3 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:08,540 where the sneaky networks hide all the good shows -- 4 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,676 A guy with question marks on his suit 5 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,111 yelling tax secrets at me, 6 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,046 "Rick Steves: Gloryholin' Europe," 7 00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,181 and of course, the secret final episode 8 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,549 of "Caroline in the City." 9 00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,021 Now the city is mine! 10 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,789 [ Laughs ] 11 00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,657 Still holds up! 12 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:28,327 ¶¶ 13 00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,329 ¶ I'll be ready ¶ 14 00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:31,830 ¶ I'll be ready ¶ 15 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:34,333 ¶ Never you fear ¶ 16 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:36,635 ¶ No, don't you fear ¶ Well, suck me off through a hole 17 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,870 and call me Rick Steves, 18 00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:38,837 what is this?! 19 00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,039 It's "Baywatch." 20 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:41,473 You've never seen "Baywatch"? 21 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:42,975 Do you like this, Roger? 22 00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:45,377 Franny, I like the smell of gasoline. 23 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,479 I like to play with Stan's dingaling 24 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,514 while he sleeps. 25 00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,682 This. This, I love! 26 00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,051 Wait, wha-- what was that second thing? 27 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:53,419 Why were you keeping 28 00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,754 the exciting world of lifeguards from me?! 29 00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,556 I'm watching upstairs! 30 00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,163 Guys, we have huge news! 31 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,431 [ Inhales ] 32 00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:06,999 We're going to start trying for a baby! 33 00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:09,268 [ Squeals, laughs ] 34 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,103 Steve, you're gonna be an uncle! 35 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:13,338 [ Squeals, laughs ] 36 00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:14,673 And what will I be? 37 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:19,044 Oh, Klaus, you'll be...nearby. 38 00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:22,114 And, Dad, you're gonna be a grandpa! 39 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:24,349 Dad? 40 00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:25,751 Dad, where are you going? 41 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,252 [ Door closes ] 42 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,854 [ Tires screech ] 43 00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,023 How'd you get this car so fast? 44 00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:33,125 I got it at Off Screen Motors. 45 00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:35,127 Hey! No cameras! 46 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,762 We're never on camera! 47 00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:39,231 Honey, why are you upset? 48 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,600 I'm excited about being a grandmother! 49 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,768 Of course you are. 50 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,104 Society celebrates women as they age. 51 00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:46,538 It's different for men. 52 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,941 Aging just means we're closer to death. 53 00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,576 And I've got too much to live for. 54 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:51,977 I own a Corvette! 55 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:54,379 [ Engine revs, tires squeal ] Me too! 56 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:57,382 I just turned the same age as my dad when he died! 57 00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,953 [ Tires squeal ] 58 00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:03,589 ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 59 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:07,426 ¶ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶ 60 00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:10,562 ¶ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ¶ 61 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:15,000 ¶ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ¶ 62 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:20,239 ¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶ 63 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,674 ¶ Good -- ¶ ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 64 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:23,809 Aah! 65 00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:28,413 ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 66 00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:30,916 ¶¶ 67 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,851 What's all this? 68 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,520 I felt bad about how I reacted 69 00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:36,321 to your wonderful news yesterday. 70 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,991 So I'm cooking breakfast for my sweet daughter. 71 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,492 Aww, thanks, Dad. 72 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,328 or should I say... "Grandpa". 73 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,332 [ Blender whirs ] Fresh squeezed O.J.?! 74 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,500 Great! 75 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,536 I've never tried it blended! 76 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:51,870 [ Blender shuts off ] Enjoy! 77 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,141 You know, Stan, 78 00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:57,843 Tropicana makes an O.J. pre-mixed with birth control -- 79 00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,646 Country style, tons of pulp. 80 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,681 Mmm. You gotta drink it with a fork. 81 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,116 To cover all my bases, 82 00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:06,785 I've got something special planned for Jeff. 83 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,820 Also, most flavors of Go-Gurt 84 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,156 can double as a pubic lice shampoo. 85 00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,158 [ Engine revs ] 86 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,227 Jeff, I wanted to take you out to dinner 87 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,863 to celebrate your efforts to impregnate my daughter. 88 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,199 It's not that much of an effort, Mr. S. 89 00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:23,735 I just lie on top of her and flop around like a fish. 90 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,070 Great. 91 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,371 Excellent. 92 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,307 And here we are at the restaurant! 93 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,878 This place looks fancy. 94 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,379 I'm not sure I can afford it. 95 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,081 Well, Jeff, I've never known you to pay for anything, 96 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,417 but it's interesting that you still pretend to try. 97 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,918 That's why I bought a wallet. 98 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,487 Well, you bought me the wallet. 99 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,356 You know what I'm talking about -- 100 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,425 the wallet! Yes, the wallet, Jeff. 101 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,994 The wallet. So, you know, so I can go like this. 102 00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,329 I can reach for it. 103 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:51,863 Yes, yes, that's the move, Jeff. 104 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,165 That's the move. 105 00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,500 Wonderful. 106 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,574 Steve, you're giving away all 107 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,776 of your popular trademarked toys?! 108 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:08,213 Yep, my GI Joels, my Trans-Changers, 109 00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:11,917 My "My Tiny Baby Horse," Warm Wheels, 110 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,585 Lettuce Field Gang doll, 111 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,521 My Pre-teen Radiated Judo Bullfrogs, 112 00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,558 Giggle-Me-Elmer, Theo Ruxberg. 113 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,692 Even my Smorfs. 114 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,628 All classics. 115 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,363 So, why are you getting rid of them? 116 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,864 Well, I'm gonna be an uncle. 117 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,533 So it's time to put away my childish things. 118 00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:32,437 Things such as Leegos, Malibu Barbara, 119 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,106 Affection Bears. 120 00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,575 Plus, of course, there's the matter of my board games -- 121 00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:39,711 Slides and Stepstools, Connect Three, 122 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:44,616 Starving Starving Rhinos, Scrapple, Guess Whom, 123 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:48,220 Front-gammon, Unincorporated Candy Township. 124 00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:50,956 As you can see, I take being an uncle very seriously. 125 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,491 I totally get it. 126 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,794 I take my family role very seriously too. 127 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,729 You know -- being "nearby." 128 00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,598 Oh, Klaus. 129 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,667 Were you there when she said that? 130 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,235 Roger: [ Blows whistle ] 131 00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:05,837 Last warning, guys -- no glass in the swimming area. 132 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,439 Uh, this is my bedroom. 133 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:10,609 To us lifeguards, the whole world is a swimming area. 134 00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:13,111 See you nutsacks by the pool later. 135 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,346 Aah. 136 00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:17,916 Get help... you nutsacks. 137 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:22,688 So, pretty sweet they gave us a private dining room, huh? 138 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:25,857 But why do you think the maître d' shaved my junk? 139 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,793 This is an Italian restaurant. 140 00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:30,529 -Oh! -Hello, Mr. Fischer. 141 00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,931 I see you're prepped. Now, this procedure -- 142 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,800 No need to hear the specials, my good man. 143 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,101 We know what we want. 144 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,169 I think I'll have the spaghetti. 145 00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,770 Spaghetti? 146 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,306 Jeff, never order out what you can make at home. 147 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:44,476 I mean, okay, the sauce is sometimes amazing, that's true. 148 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,611 And fresh pasta -- Can't beat that. 149 00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,447 You know what? I talked myself into it. 150 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,981 Make it two spaghettis. 151 00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,650 How big is your minestrone? 152 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:54,486 Is this man not aware he's here for a medical procedure? 153 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,789 Can you tell me a little bit more about your "colonoscopy"? 154 00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,458 Is that spicy? 155 00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:03,228 I'm sorry, but I can't operate on a man this stupid. 156 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,430 [ "Baywatch" theme plays ] 157 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,565 [ Record scratching ] Wait! Stop! Stop! 158 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,834 What are you doing? These are my opening credits. 159 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,169 Oh, sorry. 160 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,171 I was just taking out the garbage. 161 00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:49,040 Did I mess things up? Franny, be honest. 162 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:52,010 Do you think I have what it takes to be a sexy lifeguard? 163 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,111 Roger... 164 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,747 I don't know what's happening. 165 00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:58,617 [ Door closes ] 166 00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,886 Rough day at work? Work? 167 00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,754 Oh, yeah. I should have gone to work. 168 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,357 I'm just so distracted by this grandfather stuff. 169 00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:08,693 Oh, Stan, I hoped you were over that silliness. 170 00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:11,062 Well, no matter. It's out of our hands now. 171 00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,531 What are you talking about? 172 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:15,200 Jeff and Hayley just left for a romantic vacation 173 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,436 to the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas. 174 00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:20,639 Oh, man. Dudes get it in at Atlantis. 175 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,907 We have to go to the Bahamas. 176 00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,475 We do? Yeah. 177 00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,944 We need to be supportive and help them in any way we can. 178 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,879 If we want to support Hayley in this, 179 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,981 we should take her to the dog track. 180 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,417 That always gets my motor revvin'. 181 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:36,955 Seein' all those dogs run real fast. 182 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,663 So, you're saying I'm obsessed with stopping Hayley 183 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,097 from having a baby 184 00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,933 because of my relationship with my grandparents? 185 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,568 Ridiculous! 186 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:52,270 They were nice people who grew older and smaller and weaker 187 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,972 until I found them both dead. 188 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,508 I only asked if you wanted an ocean view. 189 00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,410 And let them fishes see me while I sleep? 190 00:07:58,412 --> 00:08:01,346 Uh, no, thank you. -Where'd you get that doughnut? 191 00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,348 I got it on the Welcome Pastry Cart. 192 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,583 Where'd you get that wine? 193 00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,184 My suitcase. 194 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,319 Whoa. 195 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,354 [ "Baywatch" theme plays ] 196 00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,204 [ Music continues ] 197 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,210 Dad?! 198 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,945 D-Dad, what are you doing here? 199 00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,647 You forgot your orange juice. 200 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:38,884 Ugh. What is that pink scum on top? 201 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:42,020 That means this orange juice is for a girl. 202 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,623 Dad, this was supposed to be a romantic getaway. 203 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,057 I've got my partner... 204 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,627 Men: [ Chanting ] Chug, chug! Chug, chug! 205 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:51,162 So, where's yours? He's in the Jacuzzi. 206 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:54,466 Do you dare me to put my wiener in the jet? 207 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,034 I do. 208 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,570 [ Children shouting playfully ] 209 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,407 Hey, sluggers! I'm Mark! 210 00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,409 I run the Kidz Klub for the hotel. 211 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,411 You cool dudes should join us. 212 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,680 We're making a hippo boat out of milk cartons. 213 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,649 Mark, Mark, Mark. 214 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,918 Looks like you got a great thing going here, Mark. 215 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,720 A week ago, I'd be rooting around your Kidz Klub 216 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,155 like a pig in shit. 217 00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,157 However, I'm about to be an uncle. 218 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,861 So I'm looking for something a little more mature. 219 00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,864 Oh. I see. 220 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:29,000 Well, if you change your mind, we'll always be here for you! 221 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,269 Don't bring that desperation to my boy. 222 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,371 He's about to be an uncle. 223 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,174 You're a freakin' joke, buddy. 224 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:40,679 Huh! That's what I thought. 225 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:44,115 You know, this whole resort feels like a Kidz Klub to me. 226 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,750 This isn't the real Bahamas. 227 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,052 Yeah, I was feeling that, too, 228 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,621 but you really put a bow on it. 229 00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:52,691 Klaus, if I want to give worldly uncle advice, 230 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,559 I got to get out in the real world. 231 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,729 Didn't they say it's dangerous outside of the resort? 232 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,965 Those warnings are for kids, Klaus. 233 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,535 [ Screams ] 234 00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:06,004 ¶¶ 235 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,062 [ Thud ] 236 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,965 [ Glass squeaking ] 237 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,404 I don't know why you're doing what you're doing, 238 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,772 but it has to stop. 239 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,907 Hayley, I didn't want to have to do this, 240 00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,909 but I forbid you from having a baby. 241 00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,611 I'm too young to be a grandfather. 242 00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,513 Well, don't worry about it. You're never gonna be one. 243 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,315 Ah, what a relief. [ Chuckles ] 244 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,684 Hey, what do you say you and me go pet that manta ray? 245 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,319 Because... 246 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,989 when I have a baby, you won't be part of its life. 247 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:03,028 Hey! No running on the pool deck! 248 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,363 Did I get her? 249 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,165 [ Thud ] Nope. 250 00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:11,503 [ Sighs ] 251 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,271 Rough one, too? 252 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,841 I'm miserable, even though I've achieved every actor's dream -- 253 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,811 performing in a hotel water show. 254 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:22,047 It's a show about animal cruelty. 255 00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:25,116 I play the villain, Animal Strangling Johnson, 256 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,386 while Tyler gets to play the hero, Ranger Ron. 257 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,688 You don't know what it's like 258 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:32,657 to have 200 people boo you every night. 259 00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,325 The most boos I've ever gotten 260 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:37,395 was like 60, maybe 70 people. 261 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,665 I would do anything to get to play Ranger Ron. 262 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,400 Anything. 263 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,135 I get it. 264 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:47,505 I would do anything to keep my daughter and son-in-law 265 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:48,807 from having a baby. 266 00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,675 Even murder? 267 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:52,143 -What? -Eight Coronas, Jimmy. 268 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,912 Oh, hey, Stan. 269 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,581 Us lifeguards are having a big bonfire on the beach later. 270 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,650 You should come. But don't bring that guy. 271 00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:01,753 He strangles animals. Boo! 272 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:05,090 Talking to you reminds me of a fun idea I had once. 273 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,425 Stan: Does it? You're not having that effect on me. 274 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:11,930 Now, let's say that you'd like to kill off your son-in-law. 275 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,698 This isn't the fun idea, then? 276 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,067 But you can't, because you'd get caught. 277 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,936 But let's say, hypothetically, 278 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,705 two fellas with no connection at all meet up, 279 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,173 and they swap murders -- 280 00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,908 hypothetically, of course. 281 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,610 Do you know what "hypothetically" means? 282 00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,713 Let's say... hypothetically, I do. 283 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:31,449 We good? I think so? 284 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,184 But do not kill my son-in-law. 285 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:34,753 I can't be any more clear about that. 286 00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:37,856 You got it. Great. 287 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,792 You know, I was just thinking about it, 288 00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,594 and the fact that you winked at me 289 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:45,363 makes me think that you might... 290 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,731 want to sleep with me. 291 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,266 And although I'm flattered, 292 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,035 and maybe even a little bit curious, 293 00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:52,771 um, I am a happily married man. 294 00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:55,974 And, um, I'm gonna have to say... 295 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,842 no. 296 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,947 Did you say something? 297 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,150 Okay. 298 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,185 [ Birds chirping ] 299 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:12,290 So, your story is that you just walked away 300 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,958 from the Atlantis Resort? 301 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,060 Yes, th-- That's right. 302 00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,429 Could I get a glass of water? It's very humid. 303 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:22,167 You expect me to believe that you left seven pools, 304 00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:25,804 a casual dining bistro, and a turquoise shop? 305 00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:28,673 That's everything a little boy could dream of... 306 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:32,577 unless that little boy is a D.E.A junior agent! 307 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:35,346 What? The D.E.A wouldn't even have jurisdiction down here. 308 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:39,117 Mr. D.E.A. quoting from the D.E.A handbook. 309 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,286 Kill them and feed them to the pigs. 310 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,154 Aah! Please don't kill me! 311 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,689 I'm gonna be an uncle! 312 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:48,092 Wait. You're going to be an uncle? 313 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,928 Why didn't you say so? 314 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,996 I am an uncle myself. 315 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,698 I'm gonna be the best uncle ever. 316 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,166 Next to me. 317 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,869 My niece is so cute. She can't say "mosquito." 318 00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,370 She says "momito." 319 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,873 "Uncle Drake, I am covered in momito bites." 320 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:04,209 [ Laughs ] 321 00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:07,545 You know, I've been looking for an uncle type 322 00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,181 to step up in my organization. 323 00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,618 Joining a violent drug gang. 324 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,953 I don't know. 325 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,555 Raising a child is expensive. 326 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,958 A rich uncle could really help out. 327 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,694 Listen to your fish. Hmm. 328 00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,163 You're not gonna sell this to any white people, are you? 329 00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:26,631 Not directly. 330 00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,366 I'm in! 331 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,702 [ Cellphone buzzes ] 332 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:34,239 [ Groans ] Who's texting me this early? 333 00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:35,707 [ Cellphone chiming ] 334 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:40,845 "Whoa! How about you just chill?" 335 00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:42,714 Surfer emoji. 336 00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:45,483 Should I put a snowflake on there to really sell the chill? 337 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,318 [ Cellphone chiming ] 338 00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:52,357 Oh, God. I got to find Jeff! 339 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,658 [ Door opens ] 340 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,159 Where am I? 341 00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:57,095 A hotel room! 342 00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,964 You're getting a lot better at drinking, Francine. 343 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,571 Jeff's not in his room. 344 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,407 All right, if I'm gonna find him, I've got to think like him. 345 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:13,011 Okay, I'm a 20-year-old stoner trying to bang my daughter. 346 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,713 Where would I go? 347 00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,749 Donny! Wait! 348 00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:21,352 Aah! My back! 349 00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:27,458 Oh! Oh! 350 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,760 [ Italian accent ] My cart! 351 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,095 My grandfather's pastry cart! 352 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,797 [ Italian accent ] You promised me we would find 353 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:35,066 a better life here on the island! 354 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,268 [ Sighs ] I should have married Guiseppe. 355 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,972 Guiseppe! 356 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,007 ¶¶ 357 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,910 Now, be careful out there, girls. 358 00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:48,246 I can handle losing a few grams of product. 359 00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:50,315 I don't know what I'd do if I lost one of you. 360 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:51,549 -Aww. -Aww. 361 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,151 Now I'll quit jibber-jabbering 362 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:56,321 and let you girls stuff those coke condoms up your asses. 363 00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:59,891 Great work, Shazmayne. You too, Sydney. 364 00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:02,126 Mateo, buddy, what's wrong? 365 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,762 Where's that famous Mateo smile? 366 00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:07,265 Mateo's smile hides today. 367 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,100 Well, that's no good. 368 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,336 Want me to buy you a poster of the planets? 369 00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:12,937 No, Mr. Uncle Steve. 370 00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:15,073 It's just, uh, well, 371 00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:17,475 M-Mr. Klaus -- He's sort of -- 372 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,977 Klaus: Sort of what?! 373 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,612 First, I told you I want to be called Razor. 374 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,848 How hard is that to remember? 375 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,917 Maybe you need a little reminder... 376 00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:27,418 every time you dance! 377 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:28,586 Ha! 378 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,254 Um, Razor. A word. 379 00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,590 You've been acting a little erratic lately. 380 00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,459 I know. It's terrible. 381 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,461 I think I know what it might be. 382 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,363 [ Inhales deeply ] 383 00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:40,965 Gah. I feel, like, super-disconnected from the family. 384 00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,501 I mean, Hayley said that thing about me being "nearby," 385 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,336 and it got me spinning out, and I feel like -- Hold on. 386 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,838 [ Inhales deeply ] 387 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,339 I feel like I'm trying to make the gang a new family, 388 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,807 but the "Razor" thing? 389 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,142 I mean, it's just -- just not a home run yet. 390 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,311 What? Ridiculous! 391 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,279 You're "the Razor"! 392 00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:57,148 That means something around here. 393 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:58,783 Maybe just a little less coke, 394 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,485 a little less threatening people's toes. 395 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,487 Who says I'm doing too much coke?! 396 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:05,690 Okay, shoes on, everyone. Razor's in one of his moods. 397 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:09,961 [ Groans ] 398 00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:11,362 Here you go, old-timer. 399 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,997 [ Groans ] 400 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:15,366 [ Straining ] Got to find Jeff. 401 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,503 [ Blows whistle ] Hey! 402 00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:19,837 Where'd you get that popsicle? 403 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,539 Is that a Rocket Pop? 404 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,374 They told me they were out. 405 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,476 [ Blows whistle ] 406 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:26,878 Damn it, Roger! My ears! 407 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,212 Bitch got my pop! 408 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,747 Eh? 409 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,221 Give us back our ball! Eh? 410 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,223 God, I hate old people. 411 00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:40,391 Get him! 412 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,160 Eh? [ Indistinct shouting ] 413 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,428 No! 414 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:48,066 [ Dramatic music plays ] 415 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:54,005 It has come to my attention 416 00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:56,674 that we're light on product this month. 417 00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,709 Someone is ripping me off! 418 00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,211 Who do you think it is? 419 00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,579 My money's on Mateo. 420 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,914 [ Grunting ] 421 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,348 Just give me the word, and I'll cut him. 422 00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:05,917 I'll do it in the town square. 423 00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:08,886 That way, everyone knows who runs this [bleep] island. 424 00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:11,422 Shut up! I know it was one of you two. 425 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:15,526 And you're both going to die. 426 00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:20,031 I knew it was a mistake to mix business and uncles. 427 00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:24,569 I told you we'd always be here for you, Steve! 428 00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,204 Glue guns now, gang! 429 00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,539 [ Groaning ] 430 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,775 [ Tinkle! ] 431 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,377 Way to go, P.J.! 432 00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:35,480 We're all helping equally. 433 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,881 Come on, Steve. 434 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,620 I didn't know Kids Klub was so bad-ass! 435 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,756 You know, I've never lost a kid. 436 00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,592 [ Screams ] 437 00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:51,229 Steve: You're amazing, Mark! 438 00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,798 Mmm! Mmmmm! 439 00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:57,668 [ "Baywatch" theme plays ] 440 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,510 [ Music stops ] 441 00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:13,251 [ Vomits, coughs ] 442 00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:16,187 Jeff! 443 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,523 Aah! 444 00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:19,790 Kids, look! 445 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,692 That's Animal Strangling Johnson! 446 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:22,860 Donny, catch! 447 00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:25,163 [ Indistinct shouting ] 448 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:26,898 [ Screaming ] 449 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,268 What the hell is going on, Dad? 450 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,870 I'm so sorry for being such an idiot. 451 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,473 I thought I was too young to be a grandfather. 452 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,976 But now I realize young is the best time to do it. 453 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,179 If I wait too long to have grandchildren, 454 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,880 they're gonna drown me in a pool. 455 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:46,017 Come to think of it, that's how I killed my grandfather. 456 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,486 I'm a little confused. What's happening? 457 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,955 What's happening is that I'm giving you two 458 00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,690 my blessing to have children. 459 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,293 Aww. Thanks, Dad. 460 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,728 [ "Baywatch" theme plays ] 461 00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,900 Glad you came around, Stan. 462 00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,802 That's gonna be one hell of a baby. 463 00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,037 Thanks, Roger. Yep. 464 00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,738 Half human, half alien. 465 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,575 Gonna be one gorgeous splice baby. 466 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:11,909 What are you talking about? 467 00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,911 Oh, yeah. You don't remember. [ Laughs ] 468 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:17,181 Isn't it ironic that I forget that your minds were erased? 469 00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,482 [ Laughs ] 470 00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,985 Anyway, Jeff's brain is in an alien body. 471 00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,420 It was a whole thing in space. 472 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,889 And nobody but me knows. And now you. 473 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:28,059 And the guy who's behind us who won't stop eavesdropping! 474 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,261 We know you're not asleep, buddy. 475 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:33,030 Sorry. I'm just naturally curious. [ Door opens ] 476 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,999 Wow, Jeff. That was amazing. 477 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,501 Look, Mr. S.! I fell in the toilet! 478 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,273 Are you sure about this? 479 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,709 That your daughter's married to an alien with superpowers? 480 00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:47,111 Yeah, babe. Superpowers?! 481 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:56,187 That's right, Dadders. Jeff has superpowers. 482 00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:59,056 Tune in next week and see if we deal with that. 483 00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:02,126 And maybe Reginald will come back. 484 00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:03,961 Bye-bye! See you soon!