1
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:07,106
Tell me I'm wrong, 'cause I'm
never wrong about oatmeal.
2
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,540
(slurp!)
3
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:11,143
You know, you really can
taste a difference
4
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:12,511
with the steel-cut.
5
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,946
Thank you.
6
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:15,314
Thank you for trusting me
7
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,049
to take you on this
breakfast journey.
8
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,117
Shit!
9
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,618
Uh, excuse you.
10
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,954
They did it.
They finally did it.
11
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:24,690
Finally made a Junior Jumble
you couldn't master, huh?
12
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:25,791
Here,
let me take a look.
13
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,226
They freakin' did it!
14
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,761
Did what?!
15
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:35,734
The Langley Falls Art Museum
has acquired the paintings...
16
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,736
of Reynolds...
17
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,838
Jasperterian.
-Who's that?
18
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,907
It's philistine attitudes
like that
19
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:45,044
that have kept this rinky-dink
burg off the cultural map!
20
00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:47,046
Roger, please, your tone!
21
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,415
You know who's the best artist?
Gary Larson.
22
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:53,352
He took us all to the far side
and kept us chuckling.
23
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,653
(sighs)
24
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,021
You know, Roger,
25
00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:58,023
I knew
Reynolds Jasperterian.
26
00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,258
You did?
27
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,260
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit.
28
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:10,202
Francine,
do we have any honey?
29
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:11,804
(footsteps recede)
30
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,642
(squirt!)
31
00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:21,246
What?!
32
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,849
You knew
Reynolds Jasperterian?!
33
00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:27,119
Knew him?
He painted my portrait.
34
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:29,221
Ahem!
35
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:32,191
The Smiths are going
to the art museum!
36
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:35,227
That includes me.
I took Hayley's last name.
37
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,795
I'm the wife!
38
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,932
(patriotic music plays)
39
00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:43,202
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
40
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:46,572
¶ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶
41
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:49,942
¶ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ¶
42
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:54,012
¶ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ¶
43
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:59,218
¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶
44
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,487
¶ Good -- ¶
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
45
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:02,821
Aah!
46
00:02:04,058 --> 00:02:07,493
¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶
47
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:12,131
MAN: Fearing it was
hurting his art,
48
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:16,101
Jasperterian spurned the party
scene of New York City.
49
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:19,438
But he died anyway of
party-related diseases
50
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:23,075
in the arms of the wife he had
so often humiliated.
51
00:02:23,077 --> 00:02:24,676
Roger, I'm surprised.
52
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,945
I thought Reynolds Jasperterian
was gonna be you.
53
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,081
I gotta tell you,
I did, too.
54
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:32,251
"I capture forever and share
55
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:35,454
the most exceptional beauty
in the world."
56
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,523
(gasps)
Oh, Reynolds.
57
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,358
Big whoop.
I'm in the CIA.
58
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,361
(camera shutters clicking)
59
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,662
What's this line for?
60
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,831
To see Jasperterian's
masterpiece.
61
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,367
Does it have two funny animals
and a joke?
62
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,701
A fat kid wearing glasses
63
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,670
and a hilarious
observation underneath?
64
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,172
If not,
I'm like that T. Rex
65
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:55,307
watching the asteroid
hurl towards earth.
66
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:56,975
"Uh, check, please."
67
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,544
No!
68
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:01,313
It's his "Portrait of
Francine's Genitals."
69
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:02,981
Wait, what?!
70
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,449
Astounding.
71
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:07,219
What an achievement.
72
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,321
(horror-movie music plays)
73
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,389
No!
74
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,057
All of you, stop looking!
75
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,492
Don't look at this!
This is private!
76
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,060
Take your eyes off this!
77
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:21,300
MAN: Clean-up on aisle
mid-century, post-Modernism.
78
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,401
Nobody look!
79
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,002
(screaming)
80
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,972
Oh, yeah, I forgot
to tell you kids,
81
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,007
the portrait is of my box.
82
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:32,044
STEVE: I can't unsee
any of this, can I?
83
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,079
Where did you get
that falafel pita?
84
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,215
I had it
in my pocket.
85
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,019
(laughing)
86
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,854
Ah. Stan Smith,
87
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,691
the fellow whose wife's pudenda
we all saw
88
00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,526
on the wall
of the art museum.
89
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,094
I also got the tote bag.
90
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:52,497
And I stuffed it
with zucchinis.
91
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:57,202
I thought last year's Matisse
exhibition was a thrill.
92
00:03:57,204 --> 00:04:00,172
But to witness a Jasperterian
in person.
93
00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:02,107
You shut your filthy mouth!
94
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,243
(chuckling) Oh, yes.
95
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:06,345
It's going to be
a very amusing day.
96
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:07,813
(yells)
97
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,619
Oh, what a day.
98
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,354
This is some day,
I'll tell ya.
99
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,289
Steve, what are you doing
out there?
100
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,291
Yeah, you're usually
in your room,
101
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,426
moaning at some
mysterious activity.
102
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:25,230
Well, I had my normal afternoon
all planned out.
103
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:26,898
Shades were drawn,
104
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:30,135
my favorite pages were
bookmarked and waiting for me.
105
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,738
My Korean micro-fiber
polishing mitten
106
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,473
rinsed out and almost dry.
107
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,743
I untied the drawstring of
my loose-fitting Gypsy pants.
108
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,045
Okay, set the scene less.
109
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,547
But there was one problem.
110
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:46,218
No matter what I looked at,
all I saw was...
111
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,719
that painting.
112
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,054
(screams)
113
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,155
I think I'm broken!
114
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,456
It's no big deal, Steve.
115
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,492
Mom's always flashing me
that thing.
116
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,127
"Does this look right
to you?"
117
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,728
Ew.
118
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,231
Maybe you can use your newfound
time to help people.
119
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,400
Like how I'm helping Jeff
with his coloring.
120
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,567
I'm ready for red now.
121
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:06,905
Are you sure you're done
with the green?
122
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:10,809
Wait!
One more thing.
123
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:11,843
(humming)
124
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,245
You!
125
00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:14,680
You embarrassed me in front
of everybody!
126
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:17,115
By making London broil?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
127
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,084
Don't drag your delicious
London broil
128
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,353
into a conversation
about that filthy painting!
129
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:23,322
Are you still upset
about that?
130
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,157
That painting
was years ago.
131
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:28,860
Besides, it's an honor
to inspire great art.
132
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,996
I don't intend to share
my property
133
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:34,099
with the low-brow pond scum
that frequent art museums.
134
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:37,469
I'm sorry, Stan, did you say
your property?
135
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:40,472
Well, yeah.
That part of you is owned by me.
136
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,607
That's what our wedding
was all about, right?
137
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:48,547
I hope you can learn to enjoy
the portrait, Stan,
138
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:51,616
because you don't deserve
to enjoy the real thing!
139
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,654
Francine, wait!
140
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,023
KLAUS: Oh, hi, Francine.
Excited for that London broil.
141
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,658
Oh, okay, you're
storming upstairs.
142
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,226
Francine!
143
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,794
She stormed upstairs
in a huff, Stan!
144
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,363
Oh, but maybe you'd like
to come in,
145
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:07,065
chat with your friend Klaus,
maybe clean my bowl!
146
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,734
Yeah, maybe.
Let me think it over.
147
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,502
Okay.
148
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,637
It's just that Roger's
minor-league baseball character
149
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:16,675
Rusty Buntafolio spits tobacco
in my bowl when he's frustrated.
150
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:17,909
(door slams)
151
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,145
Oh, hey, Rusty.
How was the game?
152
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,680
RUSTY: Horrible!
(growls)
153
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:23,482
They pulled me
after one pitch.
154
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,817
My arm feels like
a sock full of sand.
155
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,086
They're sending me down
to Delmarva, I just know it.
156
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,488
Rusty, please!
157
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,089
(Rusty spits,
water splashes lightly)
158
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:35,060
I don't understand!
You have an empty Slurpee cup!
159
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,998
WOMAN:
It's so brave, you know.
160
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,401
To empower a woman's body
through art.
161
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:46,338
Yeah. I-I love how --
how it's so feminist.
162
00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:48,206
We're just friends,
Duncan.
163
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,175
Right, right,
definitely.
164
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,943
Hey.
165
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,845
Is this truly
a great painting?
166
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,714
Um, yeah.
Definitely.
167
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:59,684
I-I mean, the way the artist
takes her most private space
168
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:02,354
and exposes it
for all of us to consume.
169
00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:03,755
You sick little man!
170
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,890
Oh!
171
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,358
Not in front
of my girlfriend!
172
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,392
Your what?
173
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:08,493
My nothing.
174
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:12,230
Art fan, huh?
Me too.
175
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,900
I love art.
Stealing it, that is.
176
00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,969
Tato Montacello --
art heist guy.
177
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,605
Of course!
Steal the painting!
178
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,140
Exactly.
179
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,042
And I'm gonna help ya,
because, are you ready?
180
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,544
This is a good one.
181
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:28,146
I cannot believe this hasn't
been in a movie already.
182
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:33,452
Stealing art is
the greatest art of all.
183
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,253
Oh, screw you, Stan!
184
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:38,056
If Gary Larson drew a cow
with curlers in its hair
185
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,491
saying that,
you'd be dying!
186
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,127
(chuckles)
"Check, please."
187
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,996
(laughing)
188
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,635
(engine revving)
189
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,471
So, you want to steal
a painting.
190
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:54,239
Well, you're gonna
need a crew.
191
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,740
And the crew is here
in Monaco?
192
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:57,509
Oh, we're just in Monaco
because Monaco
193
00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,244
is where you have
this conversation.
194
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,246
Most of the crew
is Jersey-based.
195
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:03,348
Now, you need a crew
you can trust.
196
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,650
But trust
among art thieves?
197
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,320
Let's just say it's rarer
than a Picasso.
198
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,121
Are Picassos rare?
199
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:12,491
Wait, we could have had this
conversation in the kitchen?
200
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:15,427
Oh, please! You wanted this
trip, you needed this trip.
201
00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:18,196
What, with the stress you have
going on with the painting.
202
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,632
Stan, trust me,
you needed to relax.
203
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:23,168
And the walking tour?
You didn't enjoy that?
204
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,337
I was impressed
by the walking tour.
205
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,938
Exactly!
206
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,940
That's the Monaco most tourists
don't get to see.
207
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,842
Anyway, we should really
be getting back.
208
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,811
Our flight's in, like,
an hour and a half.
209
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,112
Damn it, we're gonna be late!
Hold on!
210
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,914
(tires squeal)
211
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,520
(sniffling)
212
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:42,687
Are you crying?
213
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,990
What?!
Of course not!
214
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:48,226
Because Stan and Roger
have time to fly to Monaco
215
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:50,695
but no time to change
my bowl water?
216
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,064
(voice breaking) You think
I'm crying because of that?
217
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,733
Helping Klaus.
218
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,468
That could count
as helping people.
219
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:57,702
Oh, it definitely counts.
220
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,471
Don't doubt yourself
for a second.
221
00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:01,206
Helping others
is my new hobby --
222
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,375
ever since I saw the painting
of Mom's junk.
223
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,911
Sure, sure.
Whatever road brought you here.
224
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,846
Ugh!
This is filthy!
225
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:09,514
Shouldn't you have a bowl
with a filter?
226
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:10,916
All that aquarium stuff?
227
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,385
Yes.
Yes, I should.
228
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:16,187
But that might
be expensive.
229
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:19,925
Let's agree to go to the store,
but maybe not buy anything.
230
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:24,229
Yes!
A small win for Klaus!
231
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,197
He was a phenomenal talent,
232
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,833
but to me,
he was just...Reynolds.
233
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,938
Mmm, yes. And you'd say
you opened up to him.
234
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,073
(laughter)
235
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,676
I admit this is
the Art History minor talking,
236
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,778
but I would really like
to hear about
237
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,846
Jasperterian's ideas on --
238
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,748
You shut your filthy mouth,
Dick!
239
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,017
-Stan!
-Relax, Smith.
240
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,853
Just art lovers discussing
the glorious painting
241
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:50,255
of your wife's thingamaboo.
242
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,257
Although I must apologize
for Dick.
243
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,892
He was out of line.
244
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,761
Well, we're off to the
Mapplethorpe exhibit at the Met.
245
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,698
With any luck,
that will get us hard.
246
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,434
Francine, can't you see
you're embarrassing me?
247
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:05,236
Genitals aren't something that
should be shown to the world!
248
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,938
They're not called
show-nitals.
249
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,141
The term "genitals" comes from
the Aladdin word genie,
250
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,710
and like a genie,
251
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,278
they should only come out
when they're rubbed.
252
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,780
Stan, you're embarrassing
yourself.
253
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:19,651
(clears throat)
Tato Montacello, art heist --
254
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:21,386
Wait, did I already do
my introduction?
255
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,921
Yeah, we went to Monaco.
256
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,056
Really? Long way to go
to meet somebody.
257
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:28,893
Anyway, tonight, we make
that painting disappear!
258
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:31,763
To pull off this heist,
we need muscle.
259
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:35,066
The Ignatiev Twins weigh
700 pounds combined
260
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,836
and grew up eating
raw horse meat in Dagestan.
261
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,838
They still love horse meat --
it's disgusting.
262
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,573
Their breath smells
like horse meat.
263
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:43,441
Whatever, it's one night,
you'll survive.
264
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,010
Next, we need a lockpick.
265
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,444
Claude Verdeer is the Belgian
266
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,413
with the smallest fingers
in the world.
267
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,749
It's gross, and he always wants
to shake hands.
268
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,284
But I know he can tell that
I don't want to shake hands.
269
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,153
Whatever, it's one night,
you'll survive.
270
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,322
Then we'll need
an explosives guy.
271
00:10:57,324 --> 00:11:00,325
We can either get
Bang Bang Fukanawa or Josh.
272
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,961
Fine,
get Bang Bang Fukanawa.
273
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,796
Wait, why do we need
an explosives guy?
274
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,331
Won't the Belgian guy
get us in?
275
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,832
Hmm. Good point.
276
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,001
I thought we agreed
no explosives guy.
277
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,269
Right.
278
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,437
Josh, wait!
279
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:13,772
(explosion)
280
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,141
Josh,
the guy we didn't need,
281
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:17,842
was supposed to be
Bang Bang Fukanawa.
282
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,477
Oh, so I was
second choice?!
283
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,513
Look, you're here
and he's not.
284
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,849
Chicharito, the Guatemalan
contortionist.
285
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:35,160
Finally, we need a sexually
explosive, unpredictable woman.
286
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,695
(cellphone chimes)
287
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,530
(Russian accent)
Tato, is PayPal.
288
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:39,698
Payment no go through.
289
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,032
Hmm.
290
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,535
Well, do you accept...
karate chops?!
291
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:44,869
(smack!)
292
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,571
(whispering)
Stan, finish him off.
293
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:52,343
That's the last time
you screw me, Tato.
294
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,379
(alarm blares)
295
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,514
Mmm!
296
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,049
Maybe one more time.
297
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,751
(screams)
298
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:02,253
MAN: Hey!
299
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,988
(panting)
300
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,990
Okay, let's give each other
notes on the heist.
301
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:07,325
Stan, good job,
but I thought
302
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,927
you could have worn
a better outfit.
303
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,096
What else?
I'd work with Josh again.
304
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,898
Look, thanks for the help,
Roger, but this is a solo job.
305
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,567
A solo job?
306
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:18,536
Sounds like Steve before he got
into helping people.
307
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,338
I wonder if he's still
doing that.
308
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,506
Aah!
309
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,377
We're talking top to bottom
tank renovation here.
310
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,012
Steve,
what's gotten into you?
311
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,682
Your skin is clearer,
your voice sounds deeper.
312
00:12:30,684 --> 00:12:32,083
Oh, it started happening
313
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,752
once I stopped touching myself
all the time.
314
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:36,888
Funny, I find
the more I touch myself,
315
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,890
the deeper my voice gets.
316
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,126
Now, let's talk about
premium aquarium filters.
317
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:43,228
Sounds like what you want
is a Tunze AquaWind.
318
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,029
You sure?
319
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:46,798
'Cause I been hearing good
things about the new DeSanio's.
320
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,733
(laughs) Sure,
321
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,435
if you want to replace it
every four weeks.
322
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,937
Sounds like I better do
a little more research.
323
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,974
You know, it's really weird that
you own an aquarium store.
324
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:58,810
The regulars here think
it's weird I'm a principal.
325
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:04,282
Excuse me.
I'd like to see somebody
326
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,718
about getting a painting
taken down.
327
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,621
I'm sick of arguing about it
with my husband.
328
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,823
It makes him...
uncomfortable.
329
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,458
An uncomfortable husband?
330
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,794
The director will want to hear
about this straightaway!
331
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:24,068
Excuse me, are you...
crying?
332
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,070
Uh, yes, I suppose I was.
333
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:30,175
It's just this reminds me
of my genitals
334
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,278
when they were young
and flush.
335
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,780
Are you copying
this painting?
336
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:38,316
Trying.
It's an assignment for class.
337
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,818
"Copy the Masters."
338
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:42,487
But, gosh,
I'm no Jasperterian.
339
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,589
How did he know
what to leave out?!
340
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,764
It's boota-ful!
341
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:55,166
(panting)
There you are.
342
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,635
Our director will see you
in just a moment.
343
00:13:57,637 --> 00:14:00,371
(gasps)
The woman changed her mind.
344
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,074
Sylvia,
we have an intercom.
345
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:10,315
That portrait certainly does
inspire intense fascination.
346
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:13,117
Last night, we had
a thwarted robbery attempt.
347
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,385
Oh, no!
348
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,854
I'm afraid so.
349
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:17,989
Hence the need for another
security guard.
350
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,791
We're lucky you walked in.
351
00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:22,560
And with your CIA experience.
352
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:26,164
Now, you do resemble a maniac
our guards --
353
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,665
Right, but as I explained,
354
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,667
that man did not have
a mustache.
355
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,502
He did, however,
have a flag pin.
356
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:32,337
But...
357
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:33,504
But...
358
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:35,506
he did not have a mustache.
359
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,508
And I can see that you do.
360
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:38,877
You're hired, Stan.
361
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:42,213
Or should I say,
Mr. Night Watchman?
362
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,250
(both laughing)
363
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,960
Yeesh.
Kind of creepy in here at night.
364
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,566
You like looking at my wife?
365
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:02,967
Huh, you little perv?!
366
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,004
Well, it's over!
367
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,805
I'm gonna take this painting
home and destroy it!
368
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,343
Ah, that was easy.
369
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:18,216
Did you hear
what that oaf said?
370
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,852
I'm not interested
in his wife's vagina.
371
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:23,087
I'm completely homosexual.
372
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,857
All art is gay.
373
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:29,861
(high-pitched laughing)
374
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,565
(squeaking)
375
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,669
Where the (bleep)
are my arms?!
376
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,407
A shocking crime
at the Langley Museum.
377
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:45,043
The famous "Portrait of
Francine's Genitals" --
378
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,412
Hi, Francine! --
has been stolen.
379
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:50,081
(crying) He made me feel
so beautiful.
380
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,784
Francine, we already lost
the painting.
381
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,619
Don't go losing your cool.
382
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,460
(whistling)
383
00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:10,568
Stan, have you seen
my lucky jock strap?
384
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,438
(sighs) The rumors are true,
I'm Delmarva-bound.
385
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,240
Hey, the painting we stole!
Are you torching it?
386
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:18,609
This painting has brought me
nothing but embarrassment.
387
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,478
I don't want anyone
to ever see it again.
388
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,013
Not even one person,
389
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,849
like a rich, shady buyer
with 100K to burn?
390
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,985
He's not gonna want anyone
to know he has it.
391
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,486
No one else
would ever see it.
392
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,088
Hmm.
393
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,689
I'm calling
my coke dealer.
394
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,491
Wow, he can afford
the painting?
395
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,860
Oh, yeah, maybe he could buy
the painting!
396
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:41,833
Hi, I have some, uh,
pretty serious concerns
397
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,968
about the flow through
on the 6500.
398
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:45,837
WOMAN: Sounds like
you know your stuff.
399
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,106
Here at Tunze, we pride
ourselves on flow through
400
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,008
and will beat any competitor
on suction.
401
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,609
Ha ha.
Wha-what was that?
402
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,011
Why don't I walk you
through it?
403
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,278
What's your name?
404
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,447
-I-I'm Steve.
-I'm Lindsey.
405
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,783
Well, actually,
we're up to the 6900 now.
406
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,551
That baby
satisfies everyone.
407
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,220
It gobbles up
dirt and filth,
408
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,055
and when you can see
the chambers
409
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,556
about to be at overflow,
410
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,658
you just shoot it all
out the release shaft.
411
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,394
Oh. Oh, okay.
412
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:12,530
Would you mind
actually walking me
413
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,399
through a couple
other models?
414
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:19,704
Yeah, yeah, this is what I
should have in my loft, man.
415
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,372
This is what
I should have --
416
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,508
a big painting of
a woman's just, thing
417
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,009
just hanging
right there, right?
418
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:26,744
Yep, exactly.
Listen, could we hurry this up?
419
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,212
I-I really can't
have my wife --
420
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:31,182
Stan, have you seen Rusty's
lucky jock strap?
421
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,517
What is that?
422
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,919
-Um...
-You stole the painting?
423
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,055
(chuckling) Oh, man!
424
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,589
What a busted scene.
425
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,258
Get out of here,
Delmonico!
426
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,492
You know Delmonico?
427
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:44,328
Everybody
knows Delmonico!
428
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:45,696
Francine, I can explain.
429
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:48,533
At least when you wanted
to get rid of it,
430
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,101
it was about privacy!
431
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:53,771
But now, trying to sell it
to our coke dealer?!
432
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:57,208
I see you don't have
any principles at all!
433
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,277
Oh, ho, wow.
434
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:04,849
Well, I'm gonna go see if I can
sell Francine some drugs.
435
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:08,419
What am I doing here?
I need a hard look at myself.
436
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,754
You sure do.
437
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,256
Hey, would it be funny
if I was an airplane?
438
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:15,927
(imitates airplane)
439
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,597
(buzzer)
440
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,765
WOMAN: Hello?
441
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,600
Hi, um,
Mrs. Jasperterian?
442
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,735
You don't know me,
but I think
443
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:28,039
you're the only person
who could help me right now.
444
00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:33,211
This place really stirs
something in me.
445
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,713
My husband was inspired
by the vistas,
446
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,882
which is all
the more remarkable
447
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,318
when you remember
Reynolds was blind.
448
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,953
He...He was?
449
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,789
Blind as a bat.
From the day he was born.
450
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,658
So, he never saw
what he was painting.
451
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:48,893
Nope.
452
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,461
Somehow that
makes me feel better.
453
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,663
-He painted by touch.
-Excuse me?
454
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,599
Yes, he was very tactile.
455
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,268
He really wanted
to get his hands
456
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,971
all over anything
he was painting,
457
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,672
get the feel of it.
458
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:05,109
Rub it, pull it
between his fingers.
459
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:07,645
(coughing)
460
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,480
You okay, Stan?
461
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,616
No, I'm not!
You're talking about my wife!
462
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,117
No, I'm talking about
463
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,853
what Reynolds did
to your wife's vagina.
464
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,756
He took it
and he turned it into art.
465
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,926
Once it's art,
it's not your wife anymore.
466
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:24,462
Huh. I never thought about it
like that.
467
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:27,031
Look, let me
ask you this, Stan.
468
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:31,435
Once the plaster cast dried,
was that mug still my butthole?
469
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,673
Steve,
how's the filter coming?
470
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,941
The fresh water's nice,
471
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:38,976
but it's already getting
dirty again.
472
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,212
What?
Oh, I'm not doing that now.
473
00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:42,780
No, your voice!
474
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,348
But that means...
475
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,618
Let's just say
I hope Lindsey's call
476
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,987
was monitored and recorded,
'cause it was sexy as hell!
477
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,389
Oh, Steve.
478
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,858
You sound
just like Lindsey.
479
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,526
(door slams)
480
00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:00,398
STAN: Of course, you all know
the story of this painting --
481
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,967
stolen, missing,
but then returned.
482
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,235
Bad luck for you, Stan.
483
00:20:04,237 --> 00:20:06,003
Now we get
to see your wife's
484
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,905
Trapper Keeper
whenever we wish.
485
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,374
Hmm.
486
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:14,011
Art can have a powerful effect
on people.
487
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,480
I like to think the thief,
whoever he was,
488
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,849
took a good, long look
at this painting
489
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:22,553
and he realized Jasperterian
truly did capture
490
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:26,224
and share the most extraordinary
beauty in the world.
491
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:29,994
Angela, let's take one
last trip to Paris.
492
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,163
It's boota-ful!
493
00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:36,367
Maybe, Duncan, we can be...
more than friends.
494
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,035
(retches)
495
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,270
Sorry, Candace.
496
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:43,274
Don't apologize.
I'm a barf babe.
497
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:46,410
Jasperterian transformed
something intimate
498
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,179
into something
we can all share.
499
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,586
But only I get
the real thing.
500
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,288
Mmm!
Mmm!
501
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,690
MAN: There's the maniac who
tried to steal the painting!
502
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,193
Where?!
503
00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,161
Bye, have a beautiful time!