1 00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:07,106 Tell me I'm wrong, 'cause I'm never wrong about oatmeal. 2 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,540 (slurp!) 3 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:11,143 You know, you really can taste a difference 4 00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:12,511 with the steel-cut. 5 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,946 Thank you. 6 00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:15,314 Thank you for trusting me 7 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,049 to take you on this breakfast journey. 8 00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,117 Shit! 9 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,618 Uh, excuse you. 10 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,954 They did it. They finally did it. 11 00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:24,690 Finally made a Junior Jumble you couldn't master, huh? 12 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:25,791 Here, let me take a look. 13 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,226 They freakin' did it! 14 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,761 Did what?! 15 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:35,734 The Langley Falls Art Museum has acquired the paintings... 16 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,736 of Reynolds... 17 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,838 Jasperterian. -Who's that? 18 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,907 It's philistine attitudes like that 19 00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:45,044 that have kept this rinky-dink burg off the cultural map! 20 00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:47,046 Roger, please, your tone! 21 00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,415 You know who's the best artist? Gary Larson. 22 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:53,352 He took us all to the far side and kept us chuckling. 23 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,653 (sighs) 24 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,021 You know, Roger, 25 00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:58,023 I knew Reynolds Jasperterian. 26 00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,258 You did? 27 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,260 Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit. 28 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:10,202 Francine, do we have any honey? 29 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:11,804 (footsteps recede) 30 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,642 (squirt!) 31 00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:21,246 What?! 32 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,849 You knew Reynolds Jasperterian?! 33 00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:27,119 Knew him? He painted my portrait. 34 00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:29,221 Ahem! 35 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:32,191 The Smiths are going to the art museum! 36 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:35,227 That includes me. I took Hayley's last name. 37 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,795 I'm the wife! 38 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,932 (patriotic music plays) 39 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:43,202 ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 40 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:46,572 ¶ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ¶ 41 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:49,942 ¶ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ¶ 42 00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:54,012 ¶ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ¶ 43 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:59,218 ¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶ 44 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,487 ¶ Good -- ¶ ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 45 00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:02,821 Aah! 46 00:02:04,058 --> 00:02:07,493 ¶ Good morning, U.S.A. ¶ 47 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:12,131 MAN: Fearing it was hurting his art, 48 00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:16,101 Jasperterian spurned the party scene of New York City. 49 00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:19,438 But he died anyway of party-related diseases 50 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:23,075 in the arms of the wife he had so often humiliated. 51 00:02:23,077 --> 00:02:24,676 Roger, I'm surprised. 52 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,945 I thought Reynolds Jasperterian was gonna be you. 53 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,081 I gotta tell you, I did, too. 54 00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:32,251 "I capture forever and share 55 00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:35,454 the most exceptional beauty in the world." 56 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,523 (gasps) Oh, Reynolds. 57 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,358 Big whoop. I'm in the CIA. 58 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,361 (camera shutters clicking) 59 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,662 What's this line for? 60 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,831 To see Jasperterian's masterpiece. 61 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,367 Does it have two funny animals and a joke? 62 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,701 A fat kid wearing glasses 63 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,670 and a hilarious observation underneath? 64 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,172 If not, I'm like that T. Rex 65 00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:55,307 watching the asteroid hurl towards earth. 66 00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:56,975 "Uh, check, please." 67 00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,544 No! 68 00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:01,313 It's his "Portrait of Francine's Genitals." 69 00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:02,981 Wait, what?! 70 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,449 Astounding. 71 00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:07,219 What an achievement. 72 00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,321 (horror-movie music plays) 73 00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,389 No! 74 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,057 All of you, stop looking! 75 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,492 Don't look at this! This is private! 76 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,060 Take your eyes off this! 77 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:21,300 MAN: Clean-up on aisle mid-century, post-Modernism. 78 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,401 Nobody look! 79 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,002 (screaming) 80 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,972 Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you kids, 81 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,007 the portrait is of my box. 82 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:32,044 STEVE: I can't unsee any of this, can I? 83 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,079 Where did you get that falafel pita? 84 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,215 I had it in my pocket. 85 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,019 (laughing) 86 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,854 Ah. Stan Smith, 87 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,691 the fellow whose wife's pudenda we all saw 88 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,526 on the wall of the art museum. 89 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,094 I also got the tote bag. 90 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:52,497 And I stuffed it with zucchinis. 91 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:57,202 I thought last year's Matisse exhibition was a thrill. 92 00:03:57,204 --> 00:04:00,172 But to witness a Jasperterian in person. 93 00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:02,107 You shut your filthy mouth! 94 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,243 (chuckling) Oh, yes. 95 00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:06,345 It's going to be a very amusing day. 96 00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:07,813 (yells) 97 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,619 Oh, what a day. 98 00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,354 This is some day, I'll tell ya. 99 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,289 Steve, what are you doing out there? 100 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,291 Yeah, you're usually in your room, 101 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,426 moaning at some mysterious activity. 102 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:25,230 Well, I had my normal afternoon all planned out. 103 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:26,898 Shades were drawn, 104 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:30,135 my favorite pages were bookmarked and waiting for me. 105 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,738 My Korean micro-fiber polishing mitten 106 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,473 rinsed out and almost dry. 107 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,743 I untied the drawstring of my loose-fitting Gypsy pants. 108 00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,045 Okay, set the scene less. 109 00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,547 But there was one problem. 110 00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:46,218 No matter what I looked at, all I saw was... 111 00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,719 that painting. 112 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,054 (screams) 113 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,155 I think I'm broken! 114 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,456 It's no big deal, Steve. 115 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,492 Mom's always flashing me that thing. 116 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,127 "Does this look right to you?" 117 00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,728 Ew. 118 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,231 Maybe you can use your newfound time to help people. 119 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,400 Like how I'm helping Jeff with his coloring. 120 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,567 I'm ready for red now. 121 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:06,905 Are you sure you're done with the green? 122 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:10,809 Wait! One more thing. 123 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:11,843 (humming) 124 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,245 You! 125 00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:14,680 You embarrassed me in front of everybody! 126 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:17,115 By making London broil? Whoa, whoa, whoa. 127 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,084 Don't drag your delicious London broil 128 00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,353 into a conversation about that filthy painting! 129 00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:23,322 Are you still upset about that? 130 00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,157 That painting was years ago. 131 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:28,860 Besides, it's an honor to inspire great art. 132 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,996 I don't intend to share my property 133 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:34,099 with the low-brow pond scum that frequent art museums. 134 00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:37,469 I'm sorry, Stan, did you say your property? 135 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:40,472 Well, yeah. That part of you is owned by me. 136 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,607 That's what our wedding was all about, right? 137 00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:48,547 I hope you can learn to enjoy the portrait, Stan, 138 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:51,616 because you don't deserve to enjoy the real thing! 139 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,654 Francine, wait! 140 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,023 KLAUS: Oh, hi, Francine. Excited for that London broil. 141 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,658 Oh, okay, you're storming upstairs. 142 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,226 Francine! 143 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,794 She stormed upstairs in a huff, Stan! 144 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,363 Oh, but maybe you'd like to come in, 145 00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:07,065 chat with your friend Klaus, maybe clean my bowl! 146 00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,734 Yeah, maybe. Let me think it over. 147 00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,502 Okay. 148 00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,637 It's just that Roger's minor-league baseball character 149 00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:16,675 Rusty Buntafolio spits tobacco in my bowl when he's frustrated. 150 00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:17,909 (door slams) 151 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,145 Oh, hey, Rusty. How was the game? 152 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,680 RUSTY: Horrible! (growls) 153 00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:23,482 They pulled me after one pitch. 154 00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,817 My arm feels like a sock full of sand. 155 00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,086 They're sending me down to Delmarva, I just know it. 156 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,488 Rusty, please! 157 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,089 (Rusty spits, water splashes lightly) 158 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:35,060 I don't understand! You have an empty Slurpee cup! 159 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,998 WOMAN: It's so brave, you know. 160 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,401 To empower a woman's body through art. 161 00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:46,338 Yeah. I-I love how -- how it's so feminist. 162 00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:48,206 We're just friends, Duncan. 163 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,175 Right, right, definitely. 164 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,943 Hey. 165 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,845 Is this truly a great painting? 166 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,714 Um, yeah. Definitely. 167 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:59,684 I-I mean, the way the artist takes her most private space 168 00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:02,354 and exposes it for all of us to consume. 169 00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:03,755 You sick little man! 170 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,890 Oh! 171 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,358 Not in front of my girlfriend! 172 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,392 Your what? 173 00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:08,493 My nothing. 174 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:12,230 Art fan, huh? Me too. 175 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,900 I love art. Stealing it, that is. 176 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,969 Tato Montacello -- art heist guy. 177 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,605 Of course! Steal the painting! 178 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,140 Exactly. 179 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,042 And I'm gonna help ya, because, are you ready? 180 00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,544 This is a good one. 181 00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:28,146 I cannot believe this hasn't been in a movie already. 182 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:33,452 Stealing art is the greatest art of all. 183 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,253 Oh, screw you, Stan! 184 00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:38,056 If Gary Larson drew a cow with curlers in its hair 185 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,491 saying that, you'd be dying! 186 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,127 (chuckles) "Check, please." 187 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,996 (laughing) 188 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,635 (engine revving) 189 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,471 So, you want to steal a painting. 190 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:54,239 Well, you're gonna need a crew. 191 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,740 And the crew is here in Monaco? 192 00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:57,509 Oh, we're just in Monaco because Monaco 193 00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,244 is where you have this conversation. 194 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,246 Most of the crew is Jersey-based. 195 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:03,348 Now, you need a crew you can trust. 196 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,650 But trust among art thieves? 197 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,320 Let's just say it's rarer than a Picasso. 198 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,121 Are Picassos rare? 199 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:12,491 Wait, we could have had this conversation in the kitchen? 200 00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:15,427 Oh, please! You wanted this trip, you needed this trip. 201 00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:18,196 What, with the stress you have going on with the painting. 202 00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,632 Stan, trust me, you needed to relax. 203 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:23,168 And the walking tour? You didn't enjoy that? 204 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,337 I was impressed by the walking tour. 205 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,938 Exactly! 206 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,940 That's the Monaco most tourists don't get to see. 207 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,842 Anyway, we should really be getting back. 208 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,811 Our flight's in, like, an hour and a half. 209 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,112 Damn it, we're gonna be late! Hold on! 210 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,914 (tires squeal) 211 00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,520 (sniffling) 212 00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:42,687 Are you crying? 213 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,990 What?! Of course not! 214 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:48,226 Because Stan and Roger have time to fly to Monaco 215 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:50,695 but no time to change my bowl water? 216 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,064 (voice breaking) You think I'm crying because of that? 217 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,733 Helping Klaus. 218 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,468 That could count as helping people. 219 00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:57,702 Oh, it definitely counts. 220 00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,471 Don't doubt yourself for a second. 221 00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:01,206 Helping others is my new hobby -- 222 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,375 ever since I saw the painting of Mom's junk. 223 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,911 Sure, sure. Whatever road brought you here. 224 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,846 Ugh! This is filthy! 225 00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:09,514 Shouldn't you have a bowl with a filter? 226 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:10,916 All that aquarium stuff? 227 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,385 Yes. Yes, I should. 228 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:16,187 But that might be expensive. 229 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:19,925 Let's agree to go to the store, but maybe not buy anything. 230 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:24,229 Yes! A small win for Klaus! 231 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,197 He was a phenomenal talent, 232 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,833 but to me, he was just...Reynolds. 233 00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,938 Mmm, yes. And you'd say you opened up to him. 234 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,073 (laughter) 235 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,676 I admit this is the Art History minor talking, 236 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,778 but I would really like to hear about 237 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,846 Jasperterian's ideas on -- 238 00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,748 You shut your filthy mouth, Dick! 239 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,017 -Stan! -Relax, Smith. 240 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,853 Just art lovers discussing the glorious painting 241 00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:50,255 of your wife's thingamaboo. 242 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,257 Although I must apologize for Dick. 243 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,892 He was out of line. 244 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,761 Well, we're off to the Mapplethorpe exhibit at the Met. 245 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,698 With any luck, that will get us hard. 246 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,434 Francine, can't you see you're embarrassing me? 247 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:05,236 Genitals aren't something that should be shown to the world! 248 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,938 They're not called show-nitals. 249 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,141 The term "genitals" comes from the Aladdin word genie, 250 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,710 and like a genie, 251 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,278 they should only come out when they're rubbed. 252 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,780 Stan, you're embarrassing yourself. 253 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:19,651 (clears throat) Tato Montacello, art heist -- 254 00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:21,386 Wait, did I already do my introduction? 255 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,921 Yeah, we went to Monaco. 256 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,056 Really? Long way to go to meet somebody. 257 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:28,893 Anyway, tonight, we make that painting disappear! 258 00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:31,763 To pull off this heist, we need muscle. 259 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:35,066 The Ignatiev Twins weigh 700 pounds combined 260 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,836 and grew up eating raw horse meat in Dagestan. 261 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,838 They still love horse meat -- it's disgusting. 262 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,573 Their breath smells like horse meat. 263 00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:43,441 Whatever, it's one night, you'll survive. 264 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,010 Next, we need a lockpick. 265 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,444 Claude Verdeer is the Belgian 266 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,413 with the smallest fingers in the world. 267 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,749 It's gross, and he always wants to shake hands. 268 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,284 But I know he can tell that I don't want to shake hands. 269 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,153 Whatever, it's one night, you'll survive. 270 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,322 Then we'll need an explosives guy. 271 00:10:57,324 --> 00:11:00,325 We can either get Bang Bang Fukanawa or Josh. 272 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,961 Fine, get Bang Bang Fukanawa. 273 00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,796 Wait, why do we need an explosives guy? 274 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,331 Won't the Belgian guy get us in? 275 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,832 Hmm. Good point. 276 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,001 I thought we agreed no explosives guy. 277 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,269 Right. 278 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,437 Josh, wait! 279 00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:13,772 (explosion) 280 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,141 Josh, the guy we didn't need, 281 00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:17,842 was supposed to be Bang Bang Fukanawa. 282 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,477 Oh, so I was second choice?! 283 00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,513 Look, you're here and he's not. 284 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,849 Chicharito, the Guatemalan contortionist. 285 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:35,160 Finally, we need a sexually explosive, unpredictable woman. 286 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,695 (cellphone chimes) 287 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,530 (Russian accent) Tato, is PayPal. 288 00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:39,698 Payment no go through. 289 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,032 Hmm. 290 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,535 Well, do you accept... karate chops?! 291 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:44,869 (smack!) 292 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,571 (whispering) Stan, finish him off. 293 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:52,343 That's the last time you screw me, Tato. 294 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,379 (alarm blares) 295 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,514 Mmm! 296 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,049 Maybe one more time. 297 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,751 (screams) 298 00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:02,253 MAN: Hey! 299 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,988 (panting) 300 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,990 Okay, let's give each other notes on the heist. 301 00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:07,325 Stan, good job, but I thought 302 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,927 you could have worn a better outfit. 303 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,096 What else? I'd work with Josh again. 304 00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,898 Look, thanks for the help, Roger, but this is a solo job. 305 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,567 A solo job? 306 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:18,536 Sounds like Steve before he got into helping people. 307 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,338 I wonder if he's still doing that. 308 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,506 Aah! 309 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,377 We're talking top to bottom tank renovation here. 310 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,012 Steve, what's gotten into you? 311 00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,682 Your skin is clearer, your voice sounds deeper. 312 00:12:30,684 --> 00:12:32,083 Oh, it started happening 313 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,752 once I stopped touching myself all the time. 314 00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:36,888 Funny, I find the more I touch myself, 315 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,890 the deeper my voice gets. 316 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,126 Now, let's talk about premium aquarium filters. 317 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:43,228 Sounds like what you want is a Tunze AquaWind. 318 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,029 You sure? 319 00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:46,798 'Cause I been hearing good things about the new DeSanio's. 320 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,733 (laughs) Sure, 321 00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,435 if you want to replace it every four weeks. 322 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,937 Sounds like I better do a little more research. 323 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,974 You know, it's really weird that you own an aquarium store. 324 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:58,810 The regulars here think it's weird I'm a principal. 325 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:04,282 Excuse me. I'd like to see somebody 326 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,718 about getting a painting taken down. 327 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,621 I'm sick of arguing about it with my husband. 328 00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,823 It makes him... uncomfortable. 329 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,458 An uncomfortable husband? 330 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,794 The director will want to hear about this straightaway! 331 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:24,068 Excuse me, are you... crying? 332 00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,070 Uh, yes, I suppose I was. 333 00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:30,175 It's just this reminds me of my genitals 334 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,278 when they were young and flush. 335 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,780 Are you copying this painting? 336 00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:38,316 Trying. It's an assignment for class. 337 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,818 "Copy the Masters." 338 00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:42,487 But, gosh, I'm no Jasperterian. 339 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,589 How did he know what to leave out?! 340 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,764 It's boota-ful! 341 00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:55,166 (panting) There you are. 342 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,635 Our director will see you in just a moment. 343 00:13:57,637 --> 00:14:00,371 (gasps) The woman changed her mind. 344 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,074 Sylvia, we have an intercom. 345 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:10,315 That portrait certainly does inspire intense fascination. 346 00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:13,117 Last night, we had a thwarted robbery attempt. 347 00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,385 Oh, no! 348 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,854 I'm afraid so. 349 00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:17,989 Hence the need for another security guard. 350 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,791 We're lucky you walked in. 351 00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:22,560 And with your CIA experience. 352 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:26,164 Now, you do resemble a maniac our guards -- 353 00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,665 Right, but as I explained, 354 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,667 that man did not have a mustache. 355 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,502 He did, however, have a flag pin. 356 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:32,337 But... 357 00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:33,504 But... 358 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:35,506 he did not have a mustache. 359 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,508 And I can see that you do. 360 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:38,877 You're hired, Stan. 361 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:42,213 Or should I say, Mr. Night Watchman? 362 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,250 (both laughing) 363 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,960 Yeesh. Kind of creepy in here at night. 364 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,566 You like looking at my wife? 365 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:02,967 Huh, you little perv?! 366 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,004 Well, it's over! 367 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,805 I'm gonna take this painting home and destroy it! 368 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,343 Ah, that was easy. 369 00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:18,216 Did you hear what that oaf said? 370 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,852 I'm not interested in his wife's vagina. 371 00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:23,087 I'm completely homosexual. 372 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,857 All art is gay. 373 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:29,861 (high-pitched laughing) 374 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,565 (squeaking) 375 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,669 Where the (bleep) are my arms?! 376 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,407 A shocking crime at the Langley Museum. 377 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:45,043 The famous "Portrait of Francine's Genitals" -- 378 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,412 Hi, Francine! -- has been stolen. 379 00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:50,081 (crying) He made me feel so beautiful. 380 00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,784 Francine, we already lost the painting. 381 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,619 Don't go losing your cool. 382 00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,460 (whistling) 383 00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:10,568 Stan, have you seen my lucky jock strap? 384 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,438 (sighs) The rumors are true, I'm Delmarva-bound. 385 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,240 Hey, the painting we stole! Are you torching it? 386 00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:18,609 This painting has brought me nothing but embarrassment. 387 00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,478 I don't want anyone to ever see it again. 388 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,013 Not even one person, 389 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,849 like a rich, shady buyer with 100K to burn? 390 00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,985 He's not gonna want anyone to know he has it. 391 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,486 No one else would ever see it. 392 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,088 Hmm. 393 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,689 I'm calling my coke dealer. 394 00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,491 Wow, he can afford the painting? 395 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,860 Oh, yeah, maybe he could buy the painting! 396 00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:41,833 Hi, I have some, uh, pretty serious concerns 397 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,968 about the flow through on the 6500. 398 00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:45,837 WOMAN: Sounds like you know your stuff. 399 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,106 Here at Tunze, we pride ourselves on flow through 400 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,008 and will beat any competitor on suction. 401 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,609 Ha ha. Wha-what was that? 402 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,011 Why don't I walk you through it? 403 00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,278 What's your name? 404 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,447 -I-I'm Steve. -I'm Lindsey. 405 00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,783 Well, actually, we're up to the 6900 now. 406 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,551 That baby satisfies everyone. 407 00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,220 It gobbles up dirt and filth, 408 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,055 and when you can see the chambers 409 00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,556 about to be at overflow, 410 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,658 you just shoot it all out the release shaft. 411 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,394 Oh. Oh, okay. 412 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:12,530 Would you mind actually walking me 413 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,399 through a couple other models? 414 00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:19,704 Yeah, yeah, this is what I should have in my loft, man. 415 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,372 This is what I should have -- 416 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,508 a big painting of a woman's just, thing 417 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,009 just hanging right there, right? 418 00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:26,744 Yep, exactly. Listen, could we hurry this up? 419 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,212 I-I really can't have my wife -- 420 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:31,182 Stan, have you seen Rusty's lucky jock strap? 421 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,517 What is that? 422 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,919 -Um... -You stole the painting? 423 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,055 (chuckling) Oh, man! 424 00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,589 What a busted scene. 425 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,258 Get out of here, Delmonico! 426 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,492 You know Delmonico? 427 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:44,328 Everybody knows Delmonico! 428 00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:45,696 Francine, I can explain. 429 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:48,533 At least when you wanted to get rid of it, 430 00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,101 it was about privacy! 431 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:53,771 But now, trying to sell it to our coke dealer?! 432 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:57,208 I see you don't have any principles at all! 433 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,277 Oh, ho, wow. 434 00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:04,849 Well, I'm gonna go see if I can sell Francine some drugs. 435 00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:08,419 What am I doing here? I need a hard look at myself. 436 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,754 You sure do. 437 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,256 Hey, would it be funny if I was an airplane? 438 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:15,927 (imitates airplane) 439 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,597 (buzzer) 440 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,765 WOMAN: Hello? 441 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,600 Hi, um, Mrs. Jasperterian? 442 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,735 You don't know me, but I think 443 00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:28,039 you're the only person who could help me right now. 444 00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:33,211 This place really stirs something in me. 445 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,713 My husband was inspired by the vistas, 446 00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,882 which is all the more remarkable 447 00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,318 when you remember Reynolds was blind. 448 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,953 He...He was? 449 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,789 Blind as a bat. From the day he was born. 450 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,658 So, he never saw what he was painting. 451 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:48,893 Nope. 452 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,461 Somehow that makes me feel better. 453 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,663 -He painted by touch. -Excuse me? 454 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,599 Yes, he was very tactile. 455 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,268 He really wanted to get his hands 456 00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,971 all over anything he was painting, 457 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,672 get the feel of it. 458 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:05,109 Rub it, pull it between his fingers. 459 00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:07,645 (coughing) 460 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,480 You okay, Stan? 461 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,616 No, I'm not! You're talking about my wife! 462 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,117 No, I'm talking about 463 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,853 what Reynolds did to your wife's vagina. 464 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,756 He took it and he turned it into art. 465 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,926 Once it's art, it's not your wife anymore. 466 00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:24,462 Huh. I never thought about it like that. 467 00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:27,031 Look, let me ask you this, Stan. 468 00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:31,435 Once the plaster cast dried, was that mug still my butthole? 469 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,673 Steve, how's the filter coming? 470 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,941 The fresh water's nice, 471 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:38,976 but it's already getting dirty again. 472 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,212 What? Oh, I'm not doing that now. 473 00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:42,780 No, your voice! 474 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,348 But that means... 475 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,618 Let's just say I hope Lindsey's call 476 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,987 was monitored and recorded, 'cause it was sexy as hell! 477 00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,389 Oh, Steve. 478 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,858 You sound just like Lindsey. 479 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,526 (door slams) 480 00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:00,398 STAN: Of course, you all know the story of this painting -- 481 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,967 stolen, missing, but then returned. 482 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,235 Bad luck for you, Stan. 483 00:20:04,237 --> 00:20:06,003 Now we get to see your wife's 484 00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,905 Trapper Keeper whenever we wish. 485 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,374 Hmm. 486 00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:14,011 Art can have a powerful effect on people. 487 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,480 I like to think the thief, whoever he was, 488 00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,849 took a good, long look at this painting 489 00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:22,553 and he realized Jasperterian truly did capture 490 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:26,224 and share the most extraordinary beauty in the world. 491 00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:29,994 Angela, let's take one last trip to Paris. 492 00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,163 It's boota-ful! 493 00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:36,367 Maybe, Duncan, we can be... more than friends. 494 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,035 (retches) 495 00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,270 Sorry, Candace. 496 00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:43,274 Don't apologize. I'm a barf babe. 497 00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:46,410 Jasperterian transformed something intimate 498 00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,179 into something we can all share. 499 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,586 But only I get the real thing. 500 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,288 Mmm! Mmm! 501 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,690 MAN: There's the maniac who tried to steal the painting! 502 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,193 Where?! 503 00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,161 Bye, have a beautiful time!