1 00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:04,472 [ Sing-song ] Rain day! Rain day! 2 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:07,175 Today's the day we count the rain! 3 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,643 I bet it rained 1,000 inches last year. 4 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,080 Get real, Steve. Closer to 'finity. 5 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,814 Only one way to settle it. 6 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,849 Let's go to the gauge! 7 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,718 Hmm, that's odd. 8 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,653 I could've sworn this was where we installed 9 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:21,689 our professional rain collection system 10 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,058 exactly one year ago today to the day. 11 00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:26,427 What are you two dummies doing staring at the fence? 12 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:29,930 Dad! You're drinking out of our rain gauge! 13 00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:32,366 Steve, this is a yard-garita glass. 14 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,834 See? It has little markers 15 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,703 so I can measure how jacked up I'm getting. 16 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,471 You ruined our experiment! 17 00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,140 Actually, it seems like I'm teaching you 18 00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:41,575 a valuable lesson about leaving your stuff outside. 19 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:43,411 You should've seen all the gross water 20 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:44,678 I had to drink out of this thing. 21 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,248 Oh, so much sweet rain. 22 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:48,616 You always act like you're more important 23 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,318 than everyone else! 24 00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:53,821 Steve, I act like that because I am more important. 25 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,656 I'm the big dog around here. Ruff-ruff! 26 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:56,924 Roger, back me up. 27 00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,859 Stan, I'm pissed about the rain thing, too. 28 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,728 But yes, you are the big dog. Ruff-ruff. 29 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,397 You see, Steve, I cast a pretty big shadow. 30 00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,699 So either get used to it or mosey along. 31 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,068 Maybe I will mosey along. 32 00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:10,971 Maybe you've been holding me back my whole life! 33 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,706 Maybe I'll run away! 34 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:13,974 Sounds good. Send a postcard. 35 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:16,144 Address it to my shadow. 36 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:18,011 Mailman knows where it is. 37 00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,980 [ Slurps ] [ Door opens ] 38 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,916 Hey, Stan! Did Steve just run away? 39 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,885 He'll be back. He's a little pup. 40 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,687 He knows the big dog runs the show. 41 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,257 That's you, baby! The big dog! 42 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,391 Ruff-ruff! 43 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,293 Big dog! Ruff-ruff. Ruff-ruff! 44 00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:34,562 Ruff-ruff! Ruff-ruff! 45 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:38,966 Uh-oh, is that the dog-father himself, Tuttle, I hear?! 46 00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:41,502 That must mean the puppy pound can't be far behind. 47 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:48,476 [ All "ruffing" ] 48 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:51,212 ** 49 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,847 * Good morning, U.S.A. 50 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:57,651 * I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day * 51 00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:00,788 * The sun in the sky has a smile on his face * 52 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:05,226 * And he's shinin' a salute to the American race * 53 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:10,464 * Oh, boy, it's swell to say 54 00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:12,933 * Good -- * Good morning, U.S.A. 55 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,001 Aah! 56 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:18,506 * Good morning, U.S.A. 57 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:21,008 ** 58 00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:24,778 Man, we ran away to a pretty fancy boarding school. 59 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,580 Yeah, I wasn't expecting this much 60 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:29,517 from a place that let us in 20 minutes after we applied. 61 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,619 Room 237 -- 62 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:34,255 Our home for the next four years. 63 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,989 Holy cow! 64 00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:39,193 Welcome to Pendlingtonton Academy, buddy. 65 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:40,928 This place is nice. 66 00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:42,396 Usually, when I run away, 67 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,131 I'm in a children's pickpocket army 68 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,066 within 12 hours. 69 00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:50,238 I'll make friendships here that'll last a lifetime. You might. 70 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:53,907 I still keep in touch with some of my pickpocket buds. 71 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:57,478 Uh, Steve... I'll read Plato and Homer... 72 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,647 Steve... ...row crew with my best buds -- 73 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,615 Steve! I think your experience is 74 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,050 gonna be a lot different than that, 75 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:06,987 because Pendlingtonton is an all-girls school! 76 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,990 ** 77 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,726 Woman: * At a school for girls, Steve'll rock their world * 78 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,663 * Had to let him enroll because of a loophole * 79 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,164 * That's right, there was a bizarre technicality * 80 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,866 * Discovered in the charter of the school 81 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,167 * That's pretty complicated but is 100% binding * 82 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,835 * So all you need to know is... * 83 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,604 * It was a technicality 84 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,138 * That changed his reality 85 00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:28,476 * And now Steve goes to this school * 86 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:34,014 ** 87 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,217 * And you best believe, he'll n-n-never leave * 88 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:41,822 * 'Cause now he's top of the Steeeeeeeeve * 89 00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,924 "Top of the Steve" is filmed in front of a live studio audience. 90 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:50,964 ** 91 00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:53,200 I wonder what our suitemates are gonna be like. 92 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,703 I bet one's a really smart, uptight girl 93 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,138 and the other one's a bad girl with a heart of gold. 94 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,274 Or maybe a super-boring girl 95 00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,042 and an east-coast Mexican girl. 96 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:05,045 Or maybe a girl who's a hacker in a wheelchair 97 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,080 and then the other girl has, like, I don't know, 98 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,248 a huge ass. 99 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,917 So it's true! 100 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:13,086 They did let a boy into Pendlingtonton! 101 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,522 So, yeah. 102 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:16,890 No one's actually told us how that happened? 103 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,526 Yeah, why did they let him in? 104 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:21,595 It was a technicality! We're your suitemates. 105 00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:22,696 I'm Spitz. 106 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,131 This is The Babe. 107 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,566 I have an actual real name, 108 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,601 but it's not important. 109 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,236 All the girls in school are jealous 110 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,104 that we get to room with the "boy." 111 00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,906 I don't care, though. I'm a lesbian. 112 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,375 I'm also prelaw. 113 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,944 So this will be a pretty interesting living... 114 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:39,647 arraignment. Ha ha ha ha. 115 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:40,881 Yeah. 116 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,616 I doubt people are jealous 117 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,852 of you rooming with dorky old me. 118 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,253 Look for yourself! 119 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,855 It's the boy! 120 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:50,591 I'm so jealous you get to room with him! 121 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:54,628 Aaaaaaaaaah! 122 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,030 What is the meaning of this nonsense! 123 00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,367 Steve Smith. 124 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,036 I knew having a boy walking around Pendlingtonton 125 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:06,106 with his little dick would be a distraction. 126 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,175 My office, now! 127 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:11,111 You're in trouble. 128 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:15,416 ** 129 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,617 Where's Steve? 130 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,886 I got us two tickets to Tara-dise. 131 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,288 Tara Reid's illegal lion sanctuary. 132 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,256 Steve ran away to boarding school, remember? 133 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:26,159 Oh, yeah. Whatever. Steve sucks! 134 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:28,028 I-I don't need him to have fun! 135 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:38,071 So you guys are just doing books? 136 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:39,773 [ Doorbell rings ] Yes! Thank God! 137 00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,775 Something to get our minds off Steve. 138 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:43,411 Hey, Mister! 139 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:45,646 I heard your family could use a down-on-their-luck kid 140 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,481 with an unflappable spirit! 141 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:48,982 Unflappable? 142 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,618 I'm Spunky Rooster! 143 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,620 And I'm moving in! 144 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,659 A little cramped, but it'll do! 145 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,194 ** 146 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,597 Well, you think you're pretty special, 147 00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:06,199 waltzing in here with your technicality 148 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,268 and your little penis. 149 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,770 You keep mentioning the size of my -- 150 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,371 I don't want you here, Smith! 151 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,006 Those cowards at the school board 152 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,542 were too afraid to stand up to you. 153 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,043 But I'm not! 154 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,545 But you can't kick out Steve. 155 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,179 I can and I will! 156 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,848 As soon as I figure out how. 157 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:24,552 In the meantime, don't expect any special treatment. 158 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:27,220 We're not getting you one of those boy chairs 159 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:30,357 with a hole cut out for your little wiener. 160 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,125 Boys use regular chairs. 161 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,994 D-Do you really not know that? 162 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,866 ** 163 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,869 Geez. That headmistress is really gunning for me. 164 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,971 Relax, everyone I've talked to seems to think 165 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,740 your technicality is iron-clad. 166 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:47,941 Mmm. 167 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,477 Hey, guys. 168 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,011 What's wrong, Spitz? 169 00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,446 I just professed my love 170 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,414 to the captain of the science debate team 171 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,550 and she totally rejected me. 172 00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:59,920 Poor Spitz. Tragic, huh? 173 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,690 We're the only two lesbians in the whole school. 174 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:05,058 And yet, neither one of us can find love. 175 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,260 Wait, you're also a lesbian? 176 00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:10,197 Cheer up, Spitz. You'll find somebody. 177 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:14,134 Now, let me see that smile! 178 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:17,237 Stop it! Stop tickling me! 179 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,139 There it is! 180 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,041 There's that smile. 181 00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:24,111 [ Both laugh ] 182 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,413 What is happening here? 183 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,615 Steve! [ Glass shatters ] 184 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,116 My udon and meatballs! 185 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,619 The headmistress wants to see you. 186 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:32,720 You're in trouble! 187 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,087 [ Chuckling ] 188 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,857 [ Screams ] 189 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,459 [ All cheering ] 190 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:41,428 Man, that girl was slippin' quick! 191 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,796 Good thing that conveniently placed 192 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,932 pile of cardboard boxes was there to stop her. 193 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,534 Whatever. It was a funny fall. 194 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:47,801 I'm not gonna overthink it. 195 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:50,303 Hey, Mr. Stan! 196 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,305 What did you mean when you said I was 'nnoying? 197 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,274 Does that mean I ask a lot of questions? 198 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,743 Is that what it means? 'Nnoying? 199 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,044 Does that mean to ask too many questions? 200 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,579 Yes, Spunky. 201 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,814 Was it 'nnoying when I nursed that bird back to health 202 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,016 and then he ate all your important biz-a-ness papers? 203 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,919 Everything you've done since you showed up has been "'nnoying." 204 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,821 That bus driver you brought home to dinner. 205 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,089 When you pretended the living room 206 00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:10,958 was the bottom of the ocean. 207 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,860 I've been "'nnoyed" by all of it. 208 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,995 But as long as you're here, let's do something fun. 209 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,630 Make bisghetti or gazagna? 210 00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:17,998 Shut up. No. 211 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,867 I'm gonna beat you at Horse. 212 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,435 Steve used to love it when I whipped his ass at Horse. 213 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,271 I never played bus-kit-ball! 214 00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,806 But I'll try! 215 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,610 From the car, bounce it off the ground, 216 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,178 to the backboard, then jump down, 217 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,479 and catch it mid-air 218 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,948 for an eyes-closed backwards layup! 219 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:40,153 Whoa! Today must be my lucky day! 220 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,990 What the hell? That was, like, top five all-time... 221 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,193 Just bounce it off the ground -- I saw! 222 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,530 [ Grunts ] Oopsies! 223 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,365 That's an "H," Mr. S! 224 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,467 [ Groans ] 225 00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:57,705 ** 226 00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,372 Headmistress Mahoney: Come in, Steve! 227 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:01,141 I didn't even knock. 228 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,010 Oh, I could hear your little pecker 229 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,679 swinging to and fro all the way down the hall. 230 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:09,282 Clanging against your thighs like a church bell. 231 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:13,887 I did a little digging into your "technicality," Smith. 232 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,356 And I found something very interesting. 233 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,558 The technicality has a clause! 234 00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:21,161 The technicality has a clause? 235 00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:24,164 That's right, and it states that a boy 236 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,366 can only stay in school if he competes in, 237 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:30,437 and wins, the Academic Decathlon. 238 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,673 Which is tomorrow! 239 00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:33,974 Oh, no! 240 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,943 We are readying this today. 241 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:39,647 Enjoy your last night as Pendlingtonton. 242 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,414 I assume you'll need the next 12 hours 243 00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,551 to pack up all your jock straps and Gold Bond. 244 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,655 Am I the first man you've ever met? 245 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:50,190 ** 246 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,692 Okay, first question. 247 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:54,728 The Battle of Appomattox took place on... 248 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,029 which page of this book? 249 00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:57,564 That's not something they're gonna ask! 250 00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,600 69, Steve. 251 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,035 You know, not to get us totally off track, 252 00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,403 but do you think there's something odd 253 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,605 about our whole setup here at Pendlingtonton? 254 00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,240 Roger, I don't have time for this. 255 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,909 Think about it. You show up. 256 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,411 It's a surprise that it's an all-girls school. 257 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,081 There's the technicality. The clause. 258 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,382 [ Both laughing ] 259 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,384 I can't believe you! 260 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,252 Oh, hey, guys. You should've seen it. 261 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:22,455 Stacy Hemerson dared The Babe to eat a whole honeydew! 262 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:23,657 Rind and all! 263 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,458 Not only did The Babe do it, 264 00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,294 but then, she grabbed Becky by the throat -- 265 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,663 Not now, Spitz! Can't you see I'm trying to study! 266 00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:31,932 It's my room, too, Steve. Geez! 267 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,333 Bite my frickin' head off! 268 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:34,968 Well, maybe pay attention to people 269 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,770 other than yourself for once! 270 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:38,571 You have no idea what it's like 271 00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:41,641 being the only boy at an all-girls school! 272 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,576 You're right, Steve. 273 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:44,945 I have idea what it's like 274 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,079 to be different. 275 00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:47,748 [ Audience "awws" ] 276 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,282 The Babe: Spitz, wait! 277 00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,318 Steve, just because you have a dick 278 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:55,122 doesn't mean you have be a dick. 279 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,957 Whoever that was, they get it. 280 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,793 ** 281 00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:01,228 Name any bird. 282 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,330 Mm, blue jay. That's it. 283 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,898 You are ready for whatever test 284 00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:06,767 your teachers might throw at you. 285 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,169 Steve, I know you're mad at me, but just hear me out. 286 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:10,337 Spitz, wait. 287 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:13,306 Let me apologize. I was a jerk. 288 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,975 I wanted so badly to prove to my dad 289 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,643 that I could be the big dog 290 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,779 that I let it affect our friendship. 291 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,280 And it doesn't even matter. 292 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,816 'Cause I'm gonna lose and have to move home. 293 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:26,153 Steve, I know what it's like to feel different. 294 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,721 I'm prelaw. 295 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:30,690 Which is why I took a look at the school's charter. 296 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,159 And guess freakin' what? 297 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,927 The clause to your technicality 298 00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,628 has an addendum! 299 00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:38,531 Okay, anyone here speak Spitz? 300 00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,801 Oh, why am I doing this? -Listen! 301 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,635 Steve doesn't have to win the Decathlon. 302 00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:46,406 He just has to win any school contest he chooses! 303 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,341 Spitz, you genius! 304 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:53,613 When you're prelaw, legalese is a legal breeze. 305 00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,515 Well, I don't think we're gonna top that. 306 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,483 Let's go. 307 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,852 Headmistress Mahoney. 308 00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:01,321 We took a look at your little clause 309 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:04,825 and it turns out, it has an addendum. 310 00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:07,294 What?! 311 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,361 Damn it! You're right! 312 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,063 It's that easy to find? 313 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:12,065 Okay, Steve. 314 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:13,700 I guess you've got me by your sticky 315 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,335 little glue stick. 316 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,669 Pick the contest. 317 00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:20,040 The Battle of the Bands! That's perfect! 318 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,475 Is it? We don't have a band. 319 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,411 What the -- Okay, guys. 320 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,046 I know we've only got one day to practice 321 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,514 and we've never played together 322 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,516 and it's The Babe's first time on drums. 323 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,219 But the only way we're gonna win this contest 324 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,421 is if we have some fun! 325 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,323 A-one, two, three, four! 326 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:40,260 [ Skillful drum solo ] 327 00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:44,865 ** 328 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,734 Don't worry! She'll get it eventually! 329 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,670 ** 330 00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:52,339 Hey, I noticed Spunky Rooster's 331 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,474 tie-dyed hammock isn't in Steve's room anymore. 332 00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,910 Did she -- She's in St. Paul. That's all you need to know. 333 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,112 [ Doorbell rings ] Steve?! 334 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,348 If this is Steve, everyone be cool, okay? 335 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:02,615 Oh, hey, Steve. 336 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:06,219 Jolly-ho! You must be Stan Smith! 337 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,988 John Michael Heaton. 338 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:11,859 I am your long-lost, never-before-mentioned cousin. 339 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:14,261 And I'll be moving in permanently. 340 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,664 Cars should drive on the left, that's what I say! 341 00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:19,399 I don't want his man to live here! 342 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:23,770 When I come back down, I expect a massive tea service. 343 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,439 Pip, pip! Wimbledon's the best. 344 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:29,176 Man, we sounded awesome! 345 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,810 I think we might just win this thing! 346 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,579 Yep, seems like just about everything 347 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,581 is coming up Steve these days. 348 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,649 And I think I figured out why. 349 00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,818 Steve, remember when Frasier left "Cheers" 350 00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,287 for his own show? 351 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,422 When Rhoda left "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"? 352 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,257 I'm 14, not 90. 353 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,559 Steve, you're in a spin-off! 354 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:49,596 ** 355 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,398 Don't you spin-off, Steviods. 356 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,533 "Top of the Steve" will be right back. 357 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,038 Steve: What do you mean, I'm in a spin-off? 358 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,606 Think about it, Steve. 359 00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,942 You get into Pendlingtonton on a technicality. 360 00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:04,677 Then, an obstacle arises that if overcome 361 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:07,280 will firmly establish this as your new home. 362 00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:10,783 A promise of a new life! That's spin-off 101, baby! 363 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,619 A spin-off of what? I don't know! 364 00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:15,355 You're old life, I guess. Roger, that sounds crazy. 365 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,790 Crazier than what's been going on around here! 366 00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,827 Our roommates, who we only know as Spitz and The Babe, 367 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,862 are both lesbians who barely notice each other. 368 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,197 Clearly, the beginning 369 00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,366 of a "will they/won't they" love story. 370 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,834 They're just friends who tickle each other. 371 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,337 And the band -- Each of your roommates 372 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,539 can play the exact instrument you needed. 373 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,541 I mean, Spitz wanted to play the bass. 374 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,144 Usually, you have to force that on the worse guitarist. 375 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:41,014 Face it, this is a spin-off and you're the star! 376 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:42,515 I'm the star? 377 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,184 That means I'm the big dog! 378 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,652 Damn right! Big dog! 379 00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,154 Ruff-ruff! Both: Ruff-ruff! 380 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:48,956 Big dog! Both: Ruff-ruff! 381 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:54,194 [ All "ruffing" ] 382 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,497 Now let's go win that Battle of the Bands! 383 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,199 That's not for four hours. 384 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,202 Then let's sit still and shut down our minds. 385 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,640 ** 386 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,576 Midnight snack attack! 387 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,378 Raiding the fridge for midnight snacks! 388 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,845 'Cause it's midnight 389 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,415 and now is when we have the snack attacks! 390 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,384 Wait a second. Where's Steve's root beer?! 391 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,953 -John! -Yes? 392 00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:22,422 John Michael, did you replace Steve's root beer 393 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,524 with these shepherd's pie protein shakes? 394 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:27,027 I did! Got to bulk up! 395 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:30,497 Sweater vest season's just around the corner. 396 00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,600 [ Screams ] [ Thud ] 397 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,068 [ Sobbing ] 398 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:38,205 It's okay. We miss Steve, too. 399 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:42,175 It's so hard to accept that I miss my son. 400 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,111 [ All cheering ] 401 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,446 Girl: Nice shoes! 402 00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:50,050 This next act is horrible, and if they don't win, 403 00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,585 their lead singer will be expelled. 404 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:58,591 So now let's all not give it up for Stevie and the Banshees! 405 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:02,429 ** 406 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,865 * We're three cool chicks and a boy with a dick * 407 00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:10,203 * Pendlingtonton 408 00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:12,139 * A place for friends 409 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,640 * Until the end 410 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:16,143 * This is a spin-off 411 00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,078 ** 412 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:21,681 That's right. We'll always be friends. 413 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:25,052 Let's rock, Pendlingtonton! [ Cheers and applause ] 414 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:34,461 ** 415 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,129 [ Guitar solo ] 416 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,430 [ All cheering ] 417 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:40,800 ** 418 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,670 [ Keytar solo ] [ All cheering ] 419 00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:46,339 They love us! 420 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:49,309 No, Steve! They love the big dog. 421 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,444 This'll show my dad! For sure. 422 00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,280 Too bad you'll never see him again. 423 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,615 Totally! Wait, what? 424 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,184 You're in a spin-off. 425 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,619 If the spin-off works, you can never go home. 426 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,788 Odds are they're already replacing you. 427 00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:05,458 What?! Roger, I don't wanna never see my family again! 428 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:08,195 Oh, then you cannot win this contest. 429 00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:10,330 If you do, the spin-off will be a success 430 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,664 and you'll be here forever! 431 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,333 Then we have to lose! 432 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:16,803 Okay, but you'll give up being the big dog forever! 433 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,706 Who cares?! I want my family! 434 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:22,209 All right, let's lose this bitch! 435 00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:24,977 By the way, we've been soloing for, like, forever. 436 00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:27,547 [ Both play sour notes ] [ Feedback ] 437 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,316 [ Sour notes continue ] 438 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,218 [ Thudding, clanging ] 439 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:38,125 [ Both blowing raspberries ] 440 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:42,229 Enough! I have heard enough... 441 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:46,333 to declare you the winner of the Battle of the Bands! 442 00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:48,901 [ Audience cheering ] Yes! 443 00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,203 What the... 444 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,704 Of course! 445 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,441 You're the star of the spin-off. You have to win. 446 00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:56,376 That's probably why there were no other bands. 447 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,379 I have your medal, Steve. 448 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,214 Steve, we'll be trapped here forever 449 00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,416 if that thing hits your beautiful pink chest! 450 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:04,551 Run! 451 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,419 [ Cheering continues ] Get him! 452 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,888 Put in on your shoulders and celebrate 453 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,691 our new beloved student! 454 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:15,061 ** 455 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,729 Steve, you can hide in here. 456 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,365 I'm the laid-back history teacher 457 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,433 who's taken a special interest in the new kid. 458 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,934 And that's you! It's a trap! 459 00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,337 He's a storyline! 460 00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:26,206 I could've been a father figure to you! 461 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,740 We have to ignore everyone. 462 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,910 They're all trying to keep us in the spin-off! 463 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,712 Steve, will you go to prom with me? 464 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:35,047 Well, my dance card is wide o-- 465 00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:36,949 No, Steve! But she's cute! 466 00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,518 She won't be cute when it turns out 467 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,119 she was just inviting you to make her boyfriend 468 00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:41,654 at the boys academy jealous! 469 00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,223 Storylines! 470 00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:44,324 [ All panting ] 471 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,194 Hola, Steve! 472 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,262 I am the new foreign exchange student. 473 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,231 In less than three years, this performance 474 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,932 will be considered offensive! 475 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,134 ** 476 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,769 It's locked! We're trapped! 477 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,739 Steve, it's me, talented hockey player 478 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,974 and tentative actor Wayne Gretzky! 479 00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:04,477 I'm here to teach you an eye-opening lesson 480 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:09,949 about cyber bullying through the power of song! 481 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,919 Celebrity guest star. Storyline! 482 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:17,457 Hey, guys, I found the answer key 483 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,360 to tomorrow's ethics test in the garbage. 484 00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,094 I don't know what to do! 485 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,997 Storyline! The teacher wanted you to find the answers. 486 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,399 That is the test. 487 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:28,468 Geez, this spin-off has lazy writing. 488 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,169 Headmistress Mahoney: Take your medal, Steve! 489 00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:32,739 Aaaaah! These doors are so flimsy! 490 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:35,074 Wait, flimsy sets. 491 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,143 Lazy writing. 492 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,912 A Canadian flag. I knew it! 493 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,782 Great news, Steve. We're shooting in Vancouver. 494 00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:45,151 That means this show was shot on the cheap. 495 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,487 All we have to do to ruin it is go over budget. 496 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,021 How the hell do we do that?! 497 00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:50,657 Sing The Beatles. 498 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,092 It can cost as much as $5 million 499 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,828 to sing just two notes of a Beatles song on air. 500 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,597 All you need to do is pick one. 501 00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:58,998 Oh, man. 502 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,368 I mean, I'm usually more of a Monkees guy... 503 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:03,470 What?! Take your medal, Steve! 504 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,338 "Hey Jude"! Both: * Hey 505 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,340 [ Tires screech ] 506 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,175 No Beatles ever! 507 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,643 [ Tires squeal ] 508 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:14,180 [ Sobbing ] 509 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,516 Oh. [ Sniffles ] 510 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,150 Hey, Steve. 511 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,686 Were you, like, gone or something? 512 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:20,820 Are you crying? 513 00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:22,589 You wish, little pup. 514 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:23,790 Mm! 515 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,292 I missed you, too, Dad. 516 00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:26,959 Now, let's go dig for dinosaur bones 517 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,060 in the backyard. 518 00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:29,962 Tuttle said he found a T-Rex's arm 519 00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:31,364 under his gazebo. 520 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,334 Hey, don't tell Steve, but I scissored 521 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,168 the headmistress at the school we went to. 522 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,169 Cool, right? 523 00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,306 Pretty cool, I guess. 524 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:40,907 And now, the world premiere trailer 525 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,009 of this fall's funniest new show 526 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:46,779 "Top of the Spitz". 527 00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:49,316 Woman: * Her roommate Steve masturbated himself to death * 528 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,818 * So Carla moved in and changed her name to Beth * 529 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,053 * Now sheeee's 530 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:58,858 * Top of the Spitz! 531 00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:02,161 This fall on whatever channel you're currently watching. 532 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,163 Bye-bye! See you soon!