1 00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:05,875 Finally, I'm invited to Steve and Roger's 2 00:00:05,918 --> 00:00:07,398 Stews and Views Night -- 3 00:00:07,442 --> 00:00:10,836 Delicious stews and gut-bustin' Internet videos. 4 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,969 People said threatening suicide on Facebook Live 5 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,710 was over the line, but I made it, 6 00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:16,625 and I don't care how I got here. 7 00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:18,496 Whatever. The stews are a-stewin'. 8 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:22,544 Let's get the videos a-downlewdin'! 9 00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:23,936 "Newscaster bloopers." 10 00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,503 Hey, how about this one? 11 00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,984 What really happened here at South Lanceton High School 12 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,333 that led to Billy Carson's death -- 13 00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:31,640 [ Choking ] The [bleep] is this?! 14 00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:33,337 I'm dying in this country-ass town! 15 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,296 Shit flying in my mouth! 16 00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:37,341 We need to get the [bleep] out of this country [bleep] 17 00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:39,430 [ Laughter ] 18 00:00:39,474 --> 00:00:42,129 Dad, are you gonna move back in with Mom? 19 00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,305 Klaus: Gadzooks! Is that Steve? 20 00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:47,090 Sorry, son. No can do. 21 00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:49,310 But what I can do is get an 18-inch pizza 22 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:51,181 for the price of a 12! 23 00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,574 All right! 24 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:55,881 ♪♪ 25 00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:58,232 Is that Roger playing the same kid? 26 00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:00,756 Roger: You can tell us apart. Impressive. 27 00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:03,237 I love coming here every other weekend! 28 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,977 It's way more fun than the places I go 29 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:06,196 with Mom and Tony. 30 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,111 Tony?! My business partner?! 31 00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,809 ♪ At Pizza Overlord 32 00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:14,291 ♪ We've been makin' pizza for years and years ♪ 33 00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:16,728 Gadzooks! Were you two -- 34 00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:18,817 Twin child actors? Yes. 35 00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:20,515 Was it not obvious from the video? 36 00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:23,170 If this clown eats stews as bad as he views, 37 00:01:23,213 --> 00:01:25,563 we've made a grave mistake. 38 00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:28,392 ♪♪ 39 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:31,134 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 40 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:34,964 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 41 00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:37,923 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 42 00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:41,536 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 43 00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:44,191 ♪♪ 44 00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:47,324 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 45 00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:49,979 ♪ Good -- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 46 00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:51,023 Aah! 47 00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:52,416 ♪♪ 48 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:55,724 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 49 00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,205 I never knew you guys were twin child actors. 50 00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:00,294 Yes. We were. 51 00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,165 [ Sighs ] Here we go. 52 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:04,385 Like all Hollywood fairy tales, 53 00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,865 this one begins at the mall food court. 54 00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:09,564 And like all meals at the mall food court, 55 00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:13,394 it ends in a messy pile of shit. 56 00:02:13,437 --> 00:02:15,396 Franny used to dress us as brothers, 57 00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:19,269 because Twice Cream offers free ice cream to pairs of twins. 58 00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:21,532 Triplets get nothing, unless one of them waits outside 59 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,882 while the other two go in. I saw that once. 60 00:02:23,926 --> 00:02:26,015 Reported it immediately. Got a free cone. 61 00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:29,192 Steve: Anyway, we were spotted by a local casting agent. 62 00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,325 Soon, we were snagging more roles 63 00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:33,327 than a poor family at a Golden Corral. 64 00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:35,285 [ Laughs ] That's good. 65 00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:36,808 It was like we were real brothers. 66 00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:38,810 Getting into twin antics on set, 67 00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:41,248 or as we called them, "twinanigans." 68 00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:43,119 We were a dynamite tandem. 69 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,427 Steve could cry on cue, and I could eat on cue! 70 00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,777 Eventually, we were approached by Hollywood agents 71 00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:51,301 from the Twinseltown Talent Agency. 72 00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:53,129 Yep, we were gonna be big. 73 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,566 As big as Matt and John Amendola, 74 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:58,221 who are not famous but just these two really cool guys 75 00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:00,354 I went to high school with and I-I sort of use them 76 00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:03,879 as the standard for what I hope to achieve in my life. 77 00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:06,925 But then, Grammy legend Quit-sey Jones over here 78 00:03:06,969 --> 00:03:09,319 -pulled the plug! -I was 5, Roger! 79 00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:10,668 I had to start kindergarten! 80 00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,235 You boned us, Steve. 81 00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:13,802 We'll never know how far we could've gone! 82 00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:17,284 We could've been on the cover of Double-Stuffed Magazine, 83 00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:20,287 the only magazine dedicated solely to twins, 84 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:23,290 double-penetration, and Oreos! 85 00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,905 It's important to go on walks. 86 00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:31,515 So my body doesn't forget how. 87 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:33,735 I like when cars drive by too fast, 88 00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:35,476 so I can grab my crotch and yell, 89 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,129 "Slow down, ya jagoff! 90 00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:40,524 We got friggin' kids here!" 91 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,265 Running messes up my knee. 92 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,398 Walking is less stressful on my body. 93 00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,619 Oh, my God! I'm so, so sorry! 94 00:03:48,663 --> 00:03:50,491 But I'm in a terrible hurry! 95 00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:51,883 Here, take my credit card. 96 00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:54,321 Pay for whatever you need! 97 00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,061 [ Bones crunch ] 98 00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:58,194 -We should call the police. -Hang on, girlie. 99 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,327 We've got a blank check here -- Damn it! 100 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:02,329 It's a credit card for Spencer's Gifts. 101 00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:06,420 So, we can only use it at that novelty store at the mall? 102 00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:09,423 "Where membership has its bene-farts"? 103 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,076 And it also says that memberships 104 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,861 are non-trans-fartable. 105 00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:14,471 There's actually a lot of fine print here, 106 00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:17,431 and it's all pretty good fart jokes. 107 00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:19,781 ♪ Years and years♪[ Tape rewinds ] 108 00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,739 [ Crying ]♪ Years and years♪ 109 00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:23,393 [ Sobbing ] 110 00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:25,308 Are you still upset about our acting career? 111 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,441 Ouracting career. Yes. 112 00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:28,703 That you ruined! 113 00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:31,096 You stripped me of super-stardom! 114 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,663 I should be walking on the red carpet, 115 00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:35,405 not sitting on the couch in this funny position! 116 00:04:35,449 --> 00:04:38,016 [ Sobbing ] 117 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,018 You're never gonna let this go, are you? 118 00:04:40,062 --> 00:04:41,890 What's up, playas? 119 00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:44,414 Wanted to invite you to Klaus's new signature night, 120 00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:45,676 Soups and Hoops. 121 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,809 How am I supposed to get over this, Steve? 122 00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:50,464 Oh, God. Soups and Hoops? 123 00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,988 Okay, what are the hoops? Basketball? Hula? 124 00:04:53,031 --> 00:04:55,947 Well, that's the fun part. I haven't decided yet. 125 00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:59,211 Roger, that was so long ago. W-What can I do? 126 00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:02,127 A-A-And I'm sorry. You haven't decided yet? 127 00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,433 Why are you even here? 128 00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:08,133 I should be a has-been by now! 129 00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:09,352 People should be like, "Oh, look! 130 00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,615 It's the guy from that thing. He got fat." 131 00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,965 It sounds so magical! 132 00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:15,402 [ Sobbing ] 133 00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:22,234 This better be somepiñata, Steve. 134 00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:24,585 Surprise! Look familiar? 135 00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:25,716 Nope, never been here in my -- 136 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,023 The booth we shot our commercial in? 137 00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,764 My most treasured memory! 138 00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,940 You were never gonna stop harping on this acting thing 139 00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:33,594 until you got some closure. 140 00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:35,726 I actually thought I'd been pretty cool about it. 141 00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:39,469 So... I called Twinseltown Talent. 142 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:42,516 And they still want to represent us! 143 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:45,083 And I do have summer break coming up. 144 00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:48,565 [ Gasps ] Steve, what are you doing? 145 00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,785 Two tickets to L.A. 146 00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:52,656 What do you say, "brother"? 147 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:55,442 Want to give our acting career the shot it never got? 148 00:05:55,485 --> 00:05:57,618 Oh, my God! Yes, Steve, yes! 149 00:05:57,661 --> 00:06:00,751 The Smith brothers are going to Hollywood! 150 00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,797 We can't miss our connection to Boise! 151 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,016 Two layovers? How cheap are you? 152 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:08,368 We'll make it! Because the Smith brothers are going to Ho-- 153 00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:10,979 You brought your passport, right? 154 00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:13,024 We have a stop in Vancouver. 155 00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,902 Sweet pad. Thanks for setting it up. 156 00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:24,079 We're just thrilled to have you boys at Twinseltown Talent. 157 00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:25,428 Greggy and I are also twins, 158 00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,648 so we totally get where you're coming from. 159 00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:30,041 You guys... are twins? 160 00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:34,263 Yep, except I snaked most of my bro's nutrients in the womb. 161 00:06:34,306 --> 00:06:36,483 Gimme those nutrients! [ Growls playfully ] 162 00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,528 Open up that skull and gimme those nutrients! 163 00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:40,008 [ Laughs ] I'm just kiddin'. 164 00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:42,532 I love this guy. 165 00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:45,448 [ Hoarsely ] Okay, boys, let's get you some -- 166 00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:48,059 [ Gasps ] 167 00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,234 Is he -- 168 00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:51,454 [ Gasps ] Head shots! 169 00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:57,242 ♪♪ 170 00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:58,940 Okay, Steve, come try this on. 171 00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:00,724 You know which one of us is Steve, 172 00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:03,945 but can you tell... after this? 173 00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:06,338 -I'm Steve. -No, I'm Steve! 174 00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,166 -No, you're Steve! -No, you're Steve! 175 00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:11,343 Ugh, do you have to do this after every outfit change? 176 00:07:11,387 --> 00:07:13,302 [ Both laugh ] 177 00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:15,086 -Twin it to win it! -Twin it to win it! 178 00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:16,610 Good news, boys. 179 00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:19,743 We just got you your first Hollywood commercial! 180 00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,484 -Yeah! -Yay! 181 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:22,703 But where's Greggy? 182 00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:25,357 If I know my Greggy... [Chuckles] 183 00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:27,359 he's either getting trim, 184 00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,100 looking for trim, 185 00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:31,059 or having experimental surgery 186 00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:34,366 to stabilize his central nervous system. 187 00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:37,282 ♪♪ 188 00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:39,633 I can't believe we get to spend that fool's money, 189 00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,069 but it has to be at this dump. 190 00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:42,592 This place is for losers. 191 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:44,115 Hey, guys! You shop here, too? 192 00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:46,291 Ugh. Look at all this junk. 193 00:07:46,335 --> 00:07:47,945 What are you talking about? 194 00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:52,123 ♪ Who...can take some pasta 195 00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:55,562 ♪ Shape it like a dick? 196 00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:58,652 ♪ Make a fake poo that is perfect for a trick? ♪ 197 00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:02,307 ♪ Spencer's Gifts, Spencer's Gifts can ♪ 198 00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:05,572 ♪ Who can make a fart sound [ Whoopie cushion farts ] 199 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:08,879 ♪ When no one needs to fart? 200 00:08:08,923 --> 00:08:11,795 ♪ Marijuana clothing, this is where you need to start ♪ 201 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,667 At? 202 00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:15,669 Sp-Spencer's Gifts? 203 00:08:15,712 --> 00:08:18,541 ♪ Spencer's Gifts can 'cause they stock their gags ♪ 204 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,108 ♪ With love 205 00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:22,240 ♪ And the lube 206 00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:25,983 ♪ Tastes goo-o-o-o-d 207 00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:29,117 Ha-cha! 208 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,728 Cedar plank salmon again? 209 00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:33,338 Bo-ring! 210 00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:35,819 I want something more [Distorted] extreme! 211 00:08:35,863 --> 00:08:36,994 Like what? 212 00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:40,694 ♪♪ 213 00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:44,175 Mascot: Like Slammin' Canned Salmon, ya kooky broad! 214 00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:47,483 Choose from three radical mouth feels -- 215 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,789 solid, liquid, 216 00:08:48,832 --> 00:08:53,228 and b-b-boney as hell! 217 00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:54,838 Director: Cut![ Bell rings ] 218 00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:56,623 Beautiful, Steve. 219 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,146 But you've worked your max hours. 220 00:08:58,189 --> 00:08:59,974 Let's sub in the twin! 221 00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:01,628 -Twin it to win it! -Twin it to win it! 222 00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:03,804 Okay, last shot. All you have to do 223 00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:05,283 is take a bite and say, 224 00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:07,590 "This salmon isslammin'!" 225 00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:08,983 You got it, dude. 226 00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:10,375 And... 227 00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:11,768 action! 228 00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:14,205 [ Muffled ] Dis sammon mis smamon! 229 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:15,642 Cut! 230 00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:17,774 You need to actually swallow the salmon. 231 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:19,080 Right, right. Cool note. 232 00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:20,821 [ Sighs ] And... 233 00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:22,649 action! 234 00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:24,651 This...salmon... 235 00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:26,870 is...slammin'. 236 00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:30,004 Cut! You keep standing up during your lines. 237 00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:32,049 Did I -- No. Really? 238 00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:34,617 [ Beep ]This...salmon... 239 00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:36,097 is... 240 00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:37,272 [ Beep ] 241 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:42,669 Nobody wants to marry a poor farmer's daughter. 242 00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,671 Honk, honk. [ Laughs ] 243 00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,629 [ Beep ] 244 00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:48,762 This salmon is... 245 00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,024 -slambin'? -Cut! 246 00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:51,416 Close enough! 247 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:52,853 Great job, guys. 248 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,289 You crushed it. 249 00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:56,639 Hollywood's buzzin', and guess what? 250 00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:58,685 They're remaking "The Parent Trap," 251 00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:00,817 and I got you an audition. 252 00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:03,341 They're calling it... "Boy Bait." 253 00:10:03,385 --> 00:10:05,213 -"Boy Bait"! "Boy Bait"! -"Boy Bait"! "Boy Bait"! 254 00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:08,216 I think the salmon mascot is Tilda Swinton. 255 00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:11,523 Do you think she could carve out a little time to give me... 256 00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:13,743 a chance to give her some acting pointers? 257 00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:18,443 "Hey, I know! Let's switch places! 258 00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:20,881 I'll go to Beverly Hills and live with your mom. 259 00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:24,232 And you go to Detroit to help my dad trap pigeons 260 00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,234 and struggle with his PTSD! 261 00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:27,801 It's the perfect swap. 262 00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:30,281 Whaddya say?" 263 00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:32,632 [ Strained grunting ] 264 00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:42,946 "That slammin' issalmon!" 265 00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:45,035 Well, I think we just found 266 00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:48,386 our Shawn and D'Shawn McIntyre! 267 00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,693 Yay! You will not regret this. 268 00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,347 Now, just a little scheduling thing -- 269 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:55,045 Next Wednesday, I'm going to Australia for two months. 270 00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:57,700 Oh, sorry, you misunderstood. 271 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,354 We only want to cast Steve. 272 00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:01,965 But...the roles are for twoboys. 273 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,358 Yeah, we'll just do special effects, 274 00:11:03,401 --> 00:11:04,838 use Steve for both parts. 275 00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:06,927 That's an amazing opportunity, but -- 276 00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:09,756 But I know I speak for both of us when I say 277 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:12,193 Steve is nothing without me. Half a man. 278 00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:13,977 -Roger, I-I was turning -- -He's pimply, 279 00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:16,806 he lies about actually liking lasagna, and his voice is all, 280 00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:18,895 [High-pitched] "Hey, can I have the key to your restroom?" 281 00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:20,810 What the hell, Roger? 282 00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:23,291 You guilt trip me for years about ruining your career, 283 00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:26,163 and when I get my chance, you flip out and bash me? 284 00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:29,732 -Yeah? -Sir, I'll take the parts! 285 00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:30,994 If you do this, Steve, 286 00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:33,736 then know the Smith brothers are over! 287 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:36,086 Big deal! You're a terrible actor! 288 00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:38,132 The only thing they ever use you for is the eating! 289 00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:39,960 How dare you! 290 00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:41,918 Excuse me, sir, will there be any eating in this film? 291 00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:43,615 -No. -Screw you, Steve! 292 00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:45,008 I'm a superstar! 293 00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:47,663 In fact, this town ain't big enough for the both of us! 294 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,143 This town is huge. 295 00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,535 I don't recognize anything. 296 00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:52,320 Where the hell am I? 297 00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:53,582 [ Car horn honks ] 298 00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:56,193 ♪♪ 299 00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:58,935 Honey, I'm home! 300 00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:02,983 Tonight, we'll be having an edible-underwear summer salad, 301 00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:05,812 paired with dick-shaped pasta al dente. 302 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:08,640 Today, I put another great bumper sticker on my car -- 303 00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:11,426 "My other ride is your mom." 304 00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:12,819 So tight. 305 00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:15,125 Everyone, raise your boob mugs. 306 00:12:15,169 --> 00:12:17,867 Someone recently asked me if I was happy. 307 00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:21,697 And, for the first time in my life, I could honestly say, 308 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,395 "Thanks to Spencer's Gifts, yes, 309 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:25,962 yes, I am!" 310 00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:28,617 ♪♪ 311 00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:31,359 Okay, you're a caterer, but just for today. 312 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:33,927 You're gonna serve these Hollywood elites some appetizers 313 00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,406 and knock their socks off. 314 00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:39,280 Time to become just as famous as Steve. 315 00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:41,064 [ Whack ]I'm a star. 316 00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:43,893 I'm a star. I'm a big, bright, shining star. 317 00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:47,592 So, what do you do? 318 00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:50,030 I'm, uh... I'm a director. 319 00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,858 Oh, you're gonna want some napkins. 320 00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,947 They're my head shot! 321 00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:57,385 Hey, everyone, the trailer for my new movie's on TV! 322 00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:59,953 ♪♪ 323 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:01,998 -Twin it to win it! -Twin it to win it! 324 00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:04,305 That was ourcatchphrase. 325 00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:06,916 [ Sniffles ] Look at me, all riled up. 326 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,223 Need something to calm my nerves. 327 00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:11,181 [ Indistinct conversations ] 328 00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,618 ♪♪ 329 00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:15,055 I've got eyes on the narcotics. 330 00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:17,753 Everyone, freeze! D.E.A.! 331 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,886 [ All exclaim indistinctly ] 332 00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:23,498 I-I'm innocent! I'm so innocent, I could jog to San Diego! 333 00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:27,284 No! My... 334 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:28,546 Claritin! 335 00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,853 ♪♪ 336 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:34,639 Mr. Smith, we caught you with several kilos of cocaine. 337 00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:38,469 Fortunately for you, we got our eye on someone bigger -- 338 00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:40,428 "Nose Candy" Andy Benedict, 339 00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:42,909 the biggest coke dealer in Los Angeles. 340 00:13:42,952 --> 00:13:45,955 Well, if cocaine's illegal, then you better lock me -- 341 00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:47,870 Oh, wait, I remember how I got here. 342 00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,090 Listen, we'll drop your charges... 343 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:53,093 ifyou engage in a sting to bust Benedict. 344 00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:55,660 You play the part, we let you go. 345 00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,271 Play the part? 346 00:13:57,314 --> 00:14:00,013 Yeah, I can do that. I'll act my ass off 347 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:02,798 and prove I'm just as good an actor as Steve. 348 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:06,062 To be clear, this is extremely dangerous. 349 00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:08,935 [ Scoffs ] If you think that's dangerous, try... 350 00:14:08,978 --> 00:14:10,893 escaping from police headquarters! 351 00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:13,069 [ Grunting ] 352 00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:18,509 All right. I'll do it. 353 00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:25,690 ♪♪ 354 00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:28,171 -Roger? -Well, well, well. 355 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:30,043 Look who came crawling right back 356 00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:32,132 when my career started blowing up. 357 00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:34,525 You called meto come here. What is all this? 358 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,311 I'm playing the lead in a dangerous sting. 359 00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:39,139 And I have you to thank, Steve. 360 00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:41,097 If you hadn't ditched your own brother, 361 00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:43,056 I wouldn't have found my real family -- 362 00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:45,145 these D.E.A. agents, 363 00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:46,973 Mark and... 364 00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:49,932 I want to say L'Kevin. 365 00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:52,065 Sting? D.E.A.? 366 00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:54,719 Th-This doesn't sound like a good idea, Roger. 367 00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:57,200 Time to go. Benedict's expecting us 368 00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:59,072 at the abandoned amusement park. 369 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:02,031 Goodbye, Steven. I'm off to become famous. 370 00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:05,034 Soon, I'll be the one stuffing myliberal agenda 371 00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:07,167 down real Americans' throats. 372 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,561 [ Muffled ] Has anyone seen Roger or Steve? 373 00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:12,389 I think they're at Space Camp 374 00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:15,740 or Rite Aid or something. 375 00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:17,133 You monsters! 376 00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:19,309 I'm 9 grand in debt! 377 00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:22,356 This has all gotta get returned, now! 378 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:25,228 No can do, bud. We used the hell out of everything. 379 00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:26,534 Oh, my God. 380 00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:28,884 I'm...ruined! 381 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,233 I'm gonna lose it all. 382 00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:32,192 My house. My car. 383 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,889 My car's house... 384 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,197 which is the fun, little way I refer to my garage. 385 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,199 I'm just gonna kill myself! 386 00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:40,983 [ Whimpering ] 387 00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,333 Life's not so bad, mister. 388 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,466 [ Whoopie cushion farts ] 389 00:15:45,509 --> 00:15:46,989 [ Chuckles ] 390 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:51,037 [ Laughter ] 391 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,212 [ Sighs ] 392 00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:54,388 So shines a good deed 393 00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:57,217 in a weary world. 394 00:15:57,260 --> 00:16:00,350 I'm theSpencer of Spencer's Gifts. 395 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,004 I've been running people over for years 396 00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:04,441 to see who would pass my test. 397 00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:08,010 You're the first family who did. 398 00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,142 Oh, my God! 399 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,579 Are we inheriting your novelty empire? 400 00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:12,754 No. 401 00:16:15,191 --> 00:16:16,497 Wait.[ Bell rings ] 402 00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,281 Places! Steve, 403 00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:20,022 you're pouring your heart out to your brother. 404 00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:21,458 Meryl Streep, Ludacris, 405 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:24,374 you're very proud of your son. 406 00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:25,810 Action! 407 00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,464 We had quite a summer. 408 00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,815 We tricked some grown-ups, solved that triple homicide. 409 00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:33,035 But you know what the best part was? 410 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,124 Hanging with you, D'Shawn. 411 00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:36,169 We spent our whole summer 412 00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:39,259 trying to get our parents back together, 413 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,261 but I finally realize... 414 00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:44,177 parents come and go, 415 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:48,181 but twins are forever. 416 00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:51,097 [ Gasps ] 417 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:54,535 Is that true? 418 00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:58,147 Psst, I had a few ideas about my character's back story. 419 00:16:58,191 --> 00:17:00,454 Don't talk into your mike! It's very conspicuous. 420 00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:04,153 -You him? -If by "him," 421 00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:07,635 you mean a lowly delivery guy born in Pensacola, Florida, 422 00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,332 doing this for his quadriplegic son 423 00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:11,769 who talks in a Pittsburgh accent like this -- 424 00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:15,773 "Hey, Dyad, yinz guys need to stop jaggin' arahnd." 425 00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:17,558 Uh... 426 00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:19,777 just show us the merchandise. 427 00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,566 Did -- Did you have a mustache? 428 00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:28,177 What? Too butch? Too "Super Mario"? 429 00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:30,092 Good call. Let's lose it. 430 00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:32,312 Boss, I don't know about this. 431 00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:34,140 You're right. This scene is totally not working. 432 00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:36,968 Am I giving too much? Are you not giving enough? 433 00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,492 Is it too late to introduce a limp? 434 00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:40,102 All great questions. I'm gonna take 10, 435 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:41,756 then we'll hit it hard. 436 00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,722 The limp feels all right! 437 00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:53,463 [ Whispering ] Roger, what are you doing? 438 00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:56,031 Proving I'm just as good an actor as you. 439 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,338 And I know exactly what this scene's missing -- 440 00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:00,035 sex appeal! 441 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,819 He's wearing a wire! 442 00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:06,302 I'm nervous they saw the mike. 443 00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:07,825 We got to pull him out! 444 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,262 Not yet. 445 00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:10,698 He's got this. 446 00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:12,134 How do we get out of this? 447 00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:13,788 With twinanigans. 448 00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:19,054 ♪♪ 449 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,578 Hey, henchman, I'm over here! 450 00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:23,406 ♪ One can have a dream, baby 451 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:27,280 Or am I over here?♪ Two can make that dream so real ♪ 452 00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:28,237 How'd he get over -- 453 00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:34,025 [ Slow-motion death rattle ] 454 00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:35,375 [ Bell dings ] 455 00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:36,941 ♪ One can wish upon a star 456 00:18:36,985 --> 00:18:38,595 -Twin it to win it! -Twin it to win it! 457 00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:40,858 ♪ Two can make that wish come true, yeah ♪ 458 00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,208 [ Both laugh ] 459 00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,644 ♪ One can stand alone in the dark ♪ 460 00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:45,254 [ Gunshots ] 461 00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:47,604 ♪ Two can make the light shine through ♪ 462 00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:50,738 -♪ It takes two, baby -♪ It takes two, baby 463 00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:54,002 -♪ It takes two, baby -♪ It takes two, baby 464 00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:56,091 It appears you're seeing double.♪ Me and you 465 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,310 Double trouble. 466 00:18:57,353 --> 00:18:59,442 [ Both laugh ]♪ Just takes two 467 00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,052 Steve: Hey, we're up here! 468 00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:03,403 [ Both laugh ]♪ It takes two, baby 469 00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:06,580 ♪ It takes two, baby [ Both laugh ] 470 00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:10,975 ♪ Me and you, just takes two 471 00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:12,629 -Twin it to -- -Twin it to --[ Gunshots ] 472 00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,416 We're out of twinanigans. What now? 473 00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,809 We use our God-given talents. 474 00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:22,422 Look, before you kill us, I just want to say... 475 00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:24,206 I love my brother. 476 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:25,816 [ Voice breaking ] You can shoot me, 477 00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:28,254 and you can shoot him. 478 00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:30,299 But brotherhood? 479 00:19:30,343 --> 00:19:32,475 That bond is bulletproof. 480 00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:34,695 That's...beautif-- 481 00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,871 Now, Roger! Use yourtalent! 482 00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:39,656 Eat stuff! 483 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,528 [ Slow-motion creaking ] 484 00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:45,662 [ Gulps ] 485 00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:47,708 So, was that speech from "Boy Bait"? 486 00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:50,232 No, Roger, it was from the heart. 487 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,452 Well, actually, the first part was from "Boondock Saints." 488 00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:54,280 Ah, that movie's bad ass. 489 00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:57,239 Oh, and how 'bout "Rounders"? So bad ass! 490 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,328 I can't believe you put yourself in danger 491 00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:00,590 just to help your career. 492 00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:02,375 It was never about the career. 493 00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:05,291 When we stopped acting, you got your own life, 494 00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:07,162 and we stopped being brothers. 495 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,033 I didn't want to lose that again. 496 00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:11,819 Roger, just because we stopped being fake twins 497 00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:14,561 doesn't mean we aren't still real fake brothers. 498 00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:21,307 [ Slow-motion ] N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o! 499 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,004 [ Creak ] 500 00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:30,620 Roger! 501 00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:32,056 Tell you what, Steve. 502 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,754 I think I'm done with acting. 503 00:20:33,797 --> 00:20:37,758 In fact, you could say I don't have the stomach for it anymore. 504 00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:40,326 [ Laughs ] Ow! Ohh. 505 00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:43,067 So, bro, you gonna miss show biz? 506 00:20:43,111 --> 00:20:45,331 Eh, acting was always temporary for me. 507 00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:48,203 You know I have my heart set on pharmaceutical sales. 508 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,422 Aah, a huge rat! 509 00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:51,859 [ Gunshots ] 510 00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:54,470 Oh, it's just an old T-shirt. Grab that for me, Steve. 511 00:20:54,514 --> 00:20:57,430 -♪ It takes two, baby -♪ It takes two, baby 512 00:20:57,473 --> 00:21:00,171 -♪ It takes two, baby -♪ It takes two, baby 513 00:21:00,215 --> 00:21:02,391 ♪ To make a dream come true 514 00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:04,175 Bye-bye. See you soon!