1 00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:05,396 It's family game night at the Smiths'! 2 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:07,181 Welcome back. I'm your host Tuttle. 3 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:09,096 And we're playing "The Newlywed Game." 4 00:00:09,139 --> 00:00:11,054 [ Whispering ] I'm not part of your family. 5 00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:12,055 I want to go home. 6 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,448 But you're doing a great job! 7 00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:15,232 Also, remember our arrangement! 8 00:00:15,276 --> 00:00:18,322 You host, or you get this. 9 00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:20,977 All right, gentlemen, let's see how well 10 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,545 your wives have predicted what you will say. 11 00:00:23,588 --> 00:00:25,982 Francine, the question was, 12 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,115 "Who is your husband's personal hero?" 13 00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:32,554 That's easy. He has all his cookbooks, DVDs, and posters. 14 00:00:32,597 --> 00:00:36,514 Stan's hero is... Guy Fieri! 15 00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:37,863 Mwah! 16 00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:40,214 Fieri's the coolest cat in America, 17 00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:43,086 shakin' his tail feather with the five S's -- 18 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,349 style, smile, sickness, slickness, 19 00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:48,222 and smoked meats that are oh-so-tender. 20 00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:49,658 And guess what, kiddies? 21 00:00:49,701 --> 00:00:52,313 He's in town scouting locations 22 00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:54,880 for "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives!" 23 00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:57,100 Lookie here, baby. 24 00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:58,884 Uh-huh! 25 00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:00,538 Klaus, we're playing a game here. 26 00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,932 Well, it's game on for Klaus, too. 27 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:06,762 I'm taking my new outfit out tonight to score some honeys. 28 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:10,157 Whatever. Go to hell. 29 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,115 No [bleep] you, Klaus! 30 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:15,988 Now. to our leading couple who have not missed a question yet. 31 00:01:16,032 --> 00:01:18,991 Hayley, who is your husband's personal hero? 32 00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:21,516 That would be Ben Dronkers. 33 00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:22,691 Mwah! 34 00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:24,693 Ben Dronkers? Who the hell's that? 35 00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:29,306 He created Gorilla Glue #4, Jeff's favorite strain of weed. 36 00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:31,613 Hayley, don't say "favorite" so loud! 37 00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:33,267 The other weeds will hear you! 38 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,269 Every one of Jeff's answers is marijuana-related. 39 00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:36,618 It's why they're winning. 40 00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:38,315 His only interest is getting stoned! 41 00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,926 Dad! He's got no job, no future! 42 00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:43,190 There's nothing to him besides smoking pot! 43 00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:45,931 Mr. S., you're stressing me out! 44 00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:48,064 [ Water bubbling ] 45 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,805 [ Exhales ]Tuttle! 46 00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:51,763 Let "The Newlywed Game" records show 47 00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:53,809 my son-in-law has no identity! 48 00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:57,247 Hate to be the guy he's mad at. 49 00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:02,252 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 50 00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:06,082 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 51 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,216 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 52 00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:13,872 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 53 00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:18,877 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 54 00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:21,576 ♪ Good -- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 55 00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:22,664 Aah! 56 00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:27,277 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 57 00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:31,977 [ Sighs ] Maybe your dad's right. 58 00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:34,806 Maybe my identity is all about weed. 59 00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:37,548 I don't know if "maybe" is the right word. 60 00:02:37,592 --> 00:02:40,072 I need to take a walk and think things over. 61 00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:42,074 Want me to go with you, babe? Nah. 62 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:45,817 I'm just gonna go do some circles in the laundry room. 63 00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:50,779 I've been eavesdropping. Oh. 64 00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:53,347 But I do agree, you need an identity, 65 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:56,219 and a great way to do that -- get a job! 66 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,396 A job? I better talk to Hayley. 67 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,007 She'll know what she wants me to do. 68 00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,574 Hayley. Yes. 69 00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:06,577 I was just talking to our mutual friend Hayley. 70 00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,275 Hayley: You can leave that open! 71 00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:10,886 Jeff, I hate to plant this idea in your head, 72 00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:12,583 but Hayley's also been complaining 73 00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,585 that you have no identity/job. 74 00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:16,979 Oh, no![ Doorbell rings, door opens ] 75 00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,112 Wait, I like pizza. 76 00:03:20,156 --> 00:03:22,419 Maybe I could get a job answering doors 77 00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:24,291 for people who order pizza. 78 00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:26,380 Like at parties! Or...? 79 00:03:26,423 --> 00:03:31,080 What if I got a job working ata pizza place? 80 00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:36,477 I think that might be genius. 81 00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:44,659 I wonder if my identity 82 00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:47,792 is someone who puts olives on a pizza. 83 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:53,842 Not bad. Just the right amount of grime. 84 00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:57,585 Holy legit-a-moly, boys, we may have found a dive! 85 00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:01,284 I don't think you're allowed to just grab that. 86 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:04,418 Pal, don't you know who that is? 87 00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:06,289 Some county treasurer? 88 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:07,943 That's Guy Fieri! 89 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:11,076 Shh! Don't interrupt! He's about to hunch! 90 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,863 [ Munching ] Mmm! 91 00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:17,648 I'm getting the fennel and fattiness from the sausage, 92 00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:20,521 a nice kick of Cayenne in the sauce. 93 00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:23,001 Buddy! Talk about packing up the taste buds 94 00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:25,526 for a weekend trip to Flavortown! 95 00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:26,918 Is that good? 96 00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:29,443 [ Laughs ] He asked if that's good. 97 00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,532 Hey, Guy, check this dude out! 98 00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:33,534 He looks like you! 99 00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:35,100 I'm not really seeing it. 100 00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:36,885 I swear, boss! Let me show you. 101 00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:40,323 A little more mustache, some cool earrings. 102 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,543 There it is! I see the resemblance. 103 00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:47,112 Something about this dude who looks like me that I just like. 104 00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:49,463 Brother, you have got to hang with us. 105 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,465 [ Gasps ] No way! 106 00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:53,336 [ Dance music playing ] 107 00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:59,473 Out on the town, and everyone's checking out my new outfit. 108 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,257 Excuse me.It's on. 109 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,565 So, baby, what's your name?Black Nissan. 110 00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,915 You think I'm some car valet 111 00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:09,961 because of my white shirt, my bow tie, my sweet vest, 112 00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:12,964 my foreign accent -- Oh, balls. 113 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:14,749 Hold on, maybe we just go with it. 114 00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:17,055 Could be a great opportunity to pick up a few bucks. 115 00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:19,449 And a lucky break, too. I don't have a dime on me. 116 00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:22,234 Nothing? You told me you were paying for the evening! 117 00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:24,367 [ Laughs ] I see what happened here. 118 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:28,197 I was lying to you, Klaus. I don't respect you. 119 00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,635 Anything interesting happen at work? 120 00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:34,159 I found an olive slice that looked like a doughnut. 121 00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:35,726 Well, no wonder you're so tired. 122 00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:38,512 Oh, and, also, Guy Fieri came in. 123 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,209 He asked me to hang out with him 124 00:05:40,252 --> 00:05:43,560 and some friends of his he calls the Pesto Crew. 125 00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,823 Guy Fieri asked you to join his posse? 126 00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:49,479 Yeah, but they seem kind of weird, so I think I'll pass. 127 00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:51,960 Well, if you're not interested, then you shouldn't -- 128 00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:54,266 [ Groaning ] 129 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:55,964 Shut up! Shut up! 130 00:05:56,007 --> 00:05:58,619 Jeff, don't make the biggest mistake of your life! 131 00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:02,013 Guy Fieri has tapped you to join the Pesto Crew. 132 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:03,537 Do you know what that means? 133 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:06,801 Mr. S., you just said 25 words in a row. 134 00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:11,414 People don't think I count words, but sometimes I do. 135 00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:13,764 Jeff, this is your identity! 136 00:06:13,808 --> 00:06:15,549 It is? Yes! 137 00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:16,898 What greater identity is there 138 00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:19,204 than giving me access to Guy Fieri? 139 00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:22,033 It doesn't seem like I'd fit in with --Don't disappoint Hayley. 140 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:24,514 But she said she didn't care --Eh, eh, eh, eh! 141 00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:27,561 Sounds like what a divorce lawyer might advise her to say. 142 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,867 [ Stammering ] A d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d?! 143 00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:30,999 Divorce. 144 00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,783 So if you want to save your marriage, 145 00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:34,698 you'll join the Pesto Crew. 146 00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,483 It's exactly what Hayley craves. 147 00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:37,571 How do you know? 148 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:40,138 Because we share the same sperm-DNA. 149 00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:42,314 Everything I like, she likes, too. 150 00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:44,229 It's genetics. Of course. 151 00:06:44,273 --> 00:06:45,579 Genetics! 152 00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:48,320 Oh, my God, Jeff, are you making the case to me, 153 00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:51,933 scientifically, that you need to join the Pesto Crew? 154 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,460 You've done it again. 155 00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:01,116 [ All cheering ] 156 00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:04,380 ♪♪ 157 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,512 Show us your clam! 158 00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:08,819 [ Laughter ] 159 00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:12,301 That man is waggling his penis at me! 160 00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:15,609 No one's stopping you from waggling back, Cracker Jack! 161 00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,828 [ Laughter ] 162 00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:19,090 Yeah! 163 00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:22,920 Man, oh, man. He is on top of the world. 164 00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:31,059 And then Jeff told me Guy wants to open a café in the Louvre. 165 00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:33,278 And then Jeff told me they'd only serve ribs 166 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:36,368 and it would be called "Guy's Art-Town Motorcycle Munchies." 167 00:07:36,412 --> 00:07:38,632 Hayley, I'd like to take this opportunity 168 00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:40,938 to congratulate you on your marriage to Jeff. 169 00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:43,071 Dad, you could have said that at my wedding 170 00:07:43,114 --> 00:07:45,639 instead of demanding that the band play more "white" music. 171 00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,641 [ Engine revving, tires squealing ] 172 00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:49,643 [ Gasps ] Can it really be? 173 00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:51,514 Meet the fam! 174 00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,864 Guy's here! In my house! 175 00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:57,085 No one chows without boogie-woogie rock 176 00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:58,390 while I'm around. 177 00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:01,742 [ Munching ] Mmm! 178 00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:04,527 Bodaciously buttery spuds. Mmm. 179 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:07,922 That is the definition of stupid in Flavortown. 180 00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:10,664 Uh, would you care to sit? 181 00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:13,754 Guy only eats standing up. 182 00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,886 Geeks eat sitting down. 183 00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:18,019 Wait, everybody eats sitting down. Hey! 184 00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:19,150 Jeff! 185 00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:22,763 M-Mr. Fieri, I'm Jeff's father-in-law, Stan. 186 00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:24,416 I'm honored to--Looks like Ruffles 187 00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:27,463 is flirtin' with your smokin' hot daughter. 188 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,770 [ Sniffs ] 189 00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:33,774 Her name's Hayley. I made her myself out of my own sperm-DNA. 190 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,689 [ Motorboating ] 191 00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:36,777 Get off me! 192 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:39,388 Uh-oh! Someone's on the rag! 193 00:08:39,431 --> 00:08:42,565 Don't worry, she keeps tampons in her purse! 194 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:45,263 Look at me, I'm a bigwig. 195 00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:46,961 I'm gonna do a factory. 196 00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:49,224 [ Laughter ] Jeff! 197 00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:53,576 [ Whispering ] I'm saving my marriage! 198 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,317 [ Laughs ] 199 00:08:57,885 --> 00:08:59,756 Jeff's been acting like a total jerk 200 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,585 since he became part of this Pesto Crew. 201 00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:04,065 Not true. Nope. Never. 202 00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:06,937 Stan, you have to get him to quit. 203 00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:09,157 [ Sighs ] I'm afraid we've come to an impasse. 204 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,376 You're not budging. I'm not budging. 205 00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:14,510 There's no choice left but... Family War! 206 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,731 Men versus women! Hyah! 207 00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:20,647 Steve! It's Family War! Steve! 208 00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:23,171 Jeff, let me be very clear. 209 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:26,217 This new "identity" of yours is absolutely not working. 210 00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:28,611 Wait, I thought it would help our marriage. 211 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,614 Nope. It's actually negatively affecting our relationship. 212 00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:34,399 Oh. But they're pretty funny guys -- 213 00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:37,751 Jeff, I'm not kidding around. Promise you'll quit. 214 00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:40,231 I will, I promise. 215 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,758 This is nice-- [ Screams ] 216 00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:47,978 [ Whispering ] Family War... 217 00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:51,416 Steve! It's going down! 218 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:52,766 Where are you?! 219 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,637 ♪♪ 220 00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:57,118 Stockton to Malone! 221 00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,338 I've never seen a valet do that. 222 00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:01,731 They're digging us. 223 00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:04,734 Steve: Man, this bed is, like, super lumpy. 224 00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:07,432 Was that -- Was that Steve's voice? 225 00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:09,913 You're supposed to get a new bed every 10 years. 226 00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:12,742 How long have I had this thing? 227 00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:15,832 So... keep parking cars? 228 00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:19,053 Yeah! Keep parking cars. 229 00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:25,102 [ Gulps ][ Knock on door ] 230 00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:26,930 Adelante! 231 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:31,543 Jeff-O! Pull up some chairs, help me dip some of this shit! 232 00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:34,721 Actually, sir, there's something I need to talk about. 233 00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,026 That sounds serious. 234 00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,246 Due to marital circumstances, 235 00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:40,335 I have to quit the Pesto Crew. 236 00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:43,033 And if you're looking for someone to replace him, 237 00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:45,906 here's a chicken breast I've been marinating for 8 years 238 00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:47,472 in Mountain Dew and soy sauce. 239 00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:49,561 Please consider this my application. 240 00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,172 I refuse this. 241 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,829 Jeff, I hate hearing that you want to leave. 242 00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:57,395 But I agree with you. 243 00:10:57,439 --> 00:10:59,963 You shouldn't be in the Pesto Crew. 244 00:11:00,007 --> 00:11:01,748 You should be its leader. 245 00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:05,186 I haven't announced it yet, but I'm retiring. 246 00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:09,407 And, Jeff, I want you to run my empire. 247 00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:11,540 Me? Why? 248 00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:15,718 You have the stuff to be Chief Junkyard Dog of Flavortown. 249 00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:18,982 That sounds amazing. 250 00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:20,854 It's just that Hayley -- 251 00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:22,333 Do it, you maroon!But -- 252 00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:24,205 She didn't like when you were a hanger-on. 253 00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:27,904 But if you were the one others were hanging onto, 254 00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:29,297 Hayley would eat it up! 255 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,516 Like a Big Bite Motley-Q Sandwich 256 00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,605 dripping with donkey sauce!She said-- 257 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:36,304 Remember, this is coming from your future number-one toadie, 258 00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:39,002 so you know I'm giving it to you straight. 259 00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:44,312 I think you're right. This is something I need to do. 260 00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:47,794 Mr. Fieri, I accept your offer to run the empire. 261 00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:51,623 Gangster choice. To the new Guy Fieri! 262 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:55,540 It looks like a hole-in-the-wall from the outside, 263 00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:58,239 but if you like greasy, gloopy, home-style cooking 264 00:11:58,282 --> 00:12:02,112 served by ordinary people, you've come to the right place. 265 00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:04,680 Welcome to the Smith house, 266 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,943 the kind of joint where you can throw peanut shells 267 00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,466 right on the floor. 268 00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:11,339 Jeff! You said you were going to quit! 269 00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:12,993 Quiet, please! 270 00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:16,039 No shirt, no shoes, no problem! 271 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:18,346 Jeff! Our room! Now! 272 00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:22,567 You promised -- promised -- you would quit the Pesto Crew. 273 00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:25,222 As long as we're gonna flap our lips, why don't we scarf something? 274 00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:28,835 Why don't we take an entire sea bass, slice it down the middle, 275 00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:31,707 slather it with my signature spicy ketchup, 276 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,841 and wash it down with some icy-cold Cervezas? 277 00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:38,235 Jeff! You crossed a serious line in our relationship. 278 00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,411 See, this is what I love. 279 00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:43,719 Talking to real people about real things. 280 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:44,807 That's my America. 281 00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:47,375 Please, I need you to listen. 282 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:50,857 No! No! I am not gonna fist bump! 283 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,859 Jeff, I feel betrayed. 284 00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:54,948 Our marriage is in trouble. 285 00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:57,602 Dog house alert. 286 00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,735 What is this? 287 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:03,608 I don't think I know who you are anymore... 288 00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,786 [ Sobbing ] 289 00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:11,747 Dang, I warned him his marriage was in danger, 290 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,880 but he just wouldn't listen. 291 00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:19,886 Yesterday I ate something pickled, and I was like, "Ooh!" 292 00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:23,672 Jeff, this breaks my heart more than you can imagine, 293 00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:26,936 but I can't stand seeing my daughter so miserable. 294 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:28,416 This Guy Fieri thing you're doing... 295 00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:30,853 [ Sighs ] ...it has to end. 296 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:34,117 Time to unspike that hair. 297 00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:38,034 Weird. But your stupid hat covers all. 298 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:42,647 Impossible. Jeff, what is going on? Talk to me! 299 00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:45,955 Sammy Hagar likes poblano peppers. 300 00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:47,914 Take those stupid glasses off! 301 00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:53,223 ♪♪ 302 00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:56,661 My God, there's something supernatural happening. 303 00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:57,924 But what?! 304 00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:59,273 This bathroom is the bomb. 305 00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:01,536 You should fry some baloney in here. 306 00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:08,760 There's something extremely strange happening with Jeff. 307 00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:11,328 I can't explain it, but I do know one thing -- 308 00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:15,071 when you have questions, there's only one place to get answers -- 309 00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:17,552 the Public Library. 310 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:22,818 I could have sworn this homeless shelter was once a library. 311 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,689 It is a library. 312 00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:27,475 In that case, I'm looking for information on Guy Fieri. 313 00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:30,130 Let's start by cross-referencing it with anything supernatural -- 314 00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,348 Volume seven. 315 00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,698 Time-Life's "Mysteries of the Unknown" series. 316 00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:36,527 "The Eternal Fieri." 317 00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:38,051 Bingo. 318 00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:40,705 "Guy Fieri is a mischievous ancient demon 319 00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:43,491 who has existed since the dawn of mankind. 320 00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:47,277 The demon survives by taking control of a human body. 321 00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:50,324 Once inside, it eats its weight in food 322 00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:52,282 every four-and-a-half days. 323 00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:54,415 When diabetes inevitably sets in, 324 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:58,549 the demon must exit the body and migrate into a younger one. 325 00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,943 And so it continues its never-ending quest 326 00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:04,381 for bold flavors, boisterous compadres, pinkie rings..." 327 00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:07,863 My God. The demon has moved into Jeff. 328 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,518 Jeff is Guy Fieri. 329 00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:13,956 Do you have "Infinite Jest?" 330 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,741 Francine, you need to brace yourself. 331 00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:18,439 That's not Jeff. 332 00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,397 That's a demon.What up, goose? 333 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,312 And the only way to remove the demon 334 00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:26,360 is to return it to where it was born long ago -- Flavortown. 335 00:15:26,403 --> 00:15:29,450 Jeff's...a demon?Speed it up, Francine. 336 00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:32,235 By now you should be shocked that Flavortown is a real place. 337 00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:35,760 And it really is. Which is why I'm taking Jeff there now. 338 00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,980 Hey, want to boogie down the shore 339 00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,330 for a little bit of sizzle?We talking road trip? 340 00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:42,202 Big bonanza style. 341 00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:44,987 Out. Of. Bounds. 342 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,816 I'll take this to-go, Big Mama. 343 00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,429 [ Tires squeal ] 344 00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:55,606 [ Insects chirping, animals calling ] 345 00:15:57,478 --> 00:16:00,437 It says Flavortown should be somewhere around here. 346 00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:03,963 I'll tell you one thing, this is Frito pie weather. 347 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,968 Hey! Good-looking dude. 348 00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:16,714 [ Rumbling ] 349 00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:22,024 This mack daddy's got the munchies! 350 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:34,994 ♪♪ 351 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:40,347 I'm home. 352 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:46,179 Oh, dang! I left my special driving cane in that Acura TL. 353 00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:50,052 Oh, did you, Klaus? Then what's this? 354 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:54,187 Bro, you are literally giving me back my life right now. 355 00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,711 Hmm, my throat's a little dry. 356 00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,670 A nice cool glass of water should hit the spot. 357 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,630 Roger, did you hear that? Am I losing it? 358 00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:05,111 If you're losing it, I'm losing it, buddy. 359 00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:09,463 ♪♪ 360 00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:13,206 I love your outfit. I have to have you. 361 00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:16,513 This is more like it. 362 00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:18,950 So, straight to your place? 363 00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:20,300 [ Tires screech ] 364 00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,258 Uh, going a little fast for the turn, aren't you? 365 00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:24,913 What the [bleep] 366 00:17:25,957 --> 00:17:28,090 [ Chuckles ] 367 00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:30,571 Oh, sorry, sir. We just park your vehicle. 368 00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:33,443 We don't actually keep track of where they are. 369 00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:35,793 This guy lost our cars! 370 00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:37,317 We want our cars! 371 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,145 Well, you get death! 372 00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:41,669 Hyah! 373 00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,801 Whoa! 374 00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:45,760 Francine: Steve, I see your light on! 375 00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:48,154 You reading that "Valet the Vanquisher" again? 376 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:50,330 No, Mom! 377 00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:53,333 Moms don't need to know everything. 378 00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:56,162 It says here, "To remove the demon, 379 00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:57,554 the host body must be washed 380 00:17:57,598 --> 00:17:59,382 in the source of the demon's power." 381 00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:00,905 But what is the source? 382 00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:04,387 [ Deep voice ] Ahh, the source of my power. 383 00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:06,607 Whoa! Are you full demon now?! 384 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:12,395 I was forged in this spicy habanero mango-infused queso, 385 00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:16,356 the first element of all God's creation. 386 00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:17,966 So, it's good? 387 00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:19,402 I can never know. 388 00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:22,927 For if I sip from the pool, it will destroy me, 389 00:18:22,971 --> 00:18:26,583 the demon Fieri, for all of eternity. 390 00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:30,935 [ Gasps ] For Jeff to come back, Guy Fieri has to die? 391 00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:33,416 But I like you way better than Jeff. 392 00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:36,593 You...are a true G. 393 00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:43,296 How I lust to taste this. 394 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:47,822 The only flavor I will never get down with. 395 00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:51,391 Why can't Hayley love this Jeff, the perfect Jeff? 396 00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:55,830 But she doesn't. [ Sighs ] 397 00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:58,224 [ Waves crashing ] 398 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:01,966 Mr. Fieri, I have an idea. May I taste the queso for you? 399 00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:07,102 That, my friend, would put the shamalama in ding dong. 400 00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:11,367 Wow. 401 00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:14,979 I knew it! Tell me how it tastes. 402 00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:17,460 It's good. 403 00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:19,636 Give me more than that, brother! 404 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:23,336 Well, it has a yellow-y, kind of melted taste... 405 00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:25,555 Your words fail you, mortal! 406 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,341 Oh, I know now! It doesn't taste like paint. 407 00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:31,822 What the hell's that even -- Get out of my way! 408 00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:37,306 Mmm! These spices are off the hook. 409 00:19:37,350 --> 00:19:39,787 Habanero's totally legit. 410 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:44,052 Mmm, now I'm getting big hits of that mango tango. 411 00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:48,012 Grease-dribbling-down-the-chin good. 412 00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:50,450 His beautiful words. 413 00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:51,799 They'll be lost forever. 414 00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:59,285 I've called things money before, but this is money! 415 00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:02,462 [ Gurgling ] 416 00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:05,073 I've made a terrible mistake! 417 00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:14,387 Mr. Fieri?! Guy? Is this you? 418 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,736 Hey, Mr. S.! 419 00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:18,478 Nooooo! 420 00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:22,264 He wasn't a demon, he was an angel! 421 00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:25,876 So your husband's a demon. There are good demons. 422 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,836 There's that fellow from Boston -- Matt Demon. 423 00:20:28,879 --> 00:20:31,926 Speed demons -- They're rarely late. 424 00:20:31,969 --> 00:20:32,970 [ Door opens ] 425 00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:35,712 Here's your stupid husband. 426 00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:37,627 Jeff! 427 00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:39,325 What are you covered in? 428 00:20:39,368 --> 00:20:41,065 The cheese was a portal, babe! 429 00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:42,328 Ohh. 430 00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:45,287 And while I was traveling through the cheese portal, 431 00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:47,071 I did some serious thinking. 432 00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:50,292 I realized the only identity I ever need 433 00:20:50,336 --> 00:20:53,382 is to be the man who loves you... 434 00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:55,297 and maybe a little weed on the side. 435 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,430 [ Voice breaking ] Oh, Jeff... 436 00:20:57,473 --> 00:21:02,173 Where the [bleep] were you during Family War?! 437 00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:03,958 Have a great night!