1 00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:07,508 (both gasp, sigh) 2 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,211 And with the ceremonial Dutch oven completed, 3 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,880 another Steve and Roger sleepover begins. 4 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,715 What do you want to do next? 5 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:15,949 Jerk off? What? 6 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,251 Probably too early. 7 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,187 We have even eaten our Bagel Bites yet. 8 00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:20,888 Steve's mom? Where are the Bites? 9 00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,223 We can play some games 10 00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,292 on the vintage Macintosh we've been rebuilding. 11 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,894 Dang! But we still need the mouse. 12 00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,130 Guess what came today. 13 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:32,032 No! No way! 14 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:36,437 Number Munchers, Dark Castle, Motorcycle Mayhem? 15 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,739 Surprise me. 16 00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,574 (beeps) 17 00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:41,942 What's this? 18 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,777 It's Oregon Trail. 19 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,579 You play as a family of pioneers 20 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,448 trying to survive on the frontier. 21 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,283 Um, can we play something else? 22 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,618 Come on! It'll be great. 23 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,953 If we beat Oregon Trail, 24 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,457 we get to print out a certificate. 25 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,625 Toshi got one. 26 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,760 Carries it in his wallet instead of a condom. 27 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,329 He's been drowning in muff. 28 00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:04,265 Well, he's straightedge, so he just makes out a lot. 29 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:07,435 Oh, here we go. Time to hit the trail! 30 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:10,304 (beeping) 31 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,273 Oh, we lost Dad. 32 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:13,807 Stan's gone? 33 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,409 (beeping) 34 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,312 (keyboard clacking, computer beeping) 35 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,513 (keyboard clacking) 36 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,782 (computerized jingle plays) 37 00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:23,817 (beeping) 38 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,286 Sleepover's canceled. 39 00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:27,087 What? It just started! 40 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,856 Dad hasn't even burst in in his underwear 41 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,824 and told us to shut the (bleep) up or else. 42 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,361 All right, boys. Don't stay up too late tonight. 43 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,763 We have family picture day tomorrow. 44 00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:40,033 Full disclosure -- Between the kitchen and here, 45 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,636 that's actually the fourth time I dropped these. 46 00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,139 ** 47 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,641 * Good morning, U.S.A. 48 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:51,512 * I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day * 49 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,648 * The sun in the sky has a smile on his face * 50 00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:59,453 * And he's shinin' a salute to the American race * 51 00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:04,358 * Oh, boy, it's swell to say 52 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:07,027 * Good -- * Good morning, U.S.A. 53 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,229 Aah! 54 00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:12,866 * Good morning, U.S.A. 55 00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:16,504 Chomp, chomp, chomp! 56 00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:19,173 Still don't have a smile from Junior over there. 57 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,575 Chomp, chomp, chomp! Haha-ahoho! 58 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:24,178 The shark ate his nose! You guys seeing this? 59 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:28,516 Roger, I spent over $3,000 on these damn denim outfits. 60 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,684 Just smile. Smile for what? 61 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:34,188 A photo I can look at in 1,000 years when you're all dead?! 62 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:36,224 Before you got bitten by a snake?! 63 00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,391 A snake? 64 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,159 Oh, God! What's gonna happen?! 65 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,994 Are you talking about Oregon Trail? 66 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,530 It was only a game. 67 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:43,997 No, it's not! 68 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:46,200 'Cause even if you don't drown or starve to death, 69 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,869 you're human, so I'm gonna outlive you all! 70 00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:50,238 What? 71 00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,673 I don't need some denim-clad reminder 72 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,609 of when I was stupid enough to care about you! 73 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,611 (sobs) 74 00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,747 Stan? I got this. 75 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,350 Hey, uh, you know, I'd love to see more of you. 76 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,918 If you ever want to go out and need a wingman, 77 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,756 you know, uh, this comes off. 78 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,596 I'm really worried about Roger, hon. 79 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,030 I know what'll cheer him up. 80 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,099 One of my patented funny faces. 81 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,768 Yah-yah-yah-yah-yah! Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah! 82 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,770 Boogie-boogie-boogie-boogie! Bloo-ba-da-be-ba-da-be! 83 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:23,771 Bloo-ba-bloo-ba-bloo-ba-bloo-ba- bloo -- 84 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,273 Stan, watch the road! 85 00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:26,607 My eyes are stuck! (horn blaring) 86 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,309 (tires squealing, all screaming) 87 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:31,111 (crash) 88 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:35,649 ** 89 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,751 Francine! 90 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:44,091 ** 91 00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:46,427 Dad! Roger! 92 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,596 ** 93 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,464 Roger, get out of there! 94 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:55,135 ** 95 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,338 (hoarsely) Goodbye. 96 00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:02,075 (all screaming) 97 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,915 I miss you every day, Roger. 98 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,250 The other night, I got in the sleeping bag 99 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,685 and Dutch-ovened myself. 100 00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,154 For a moment, I thought I could smell you. 101 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,325 Then I realized you shit the sleeping bag last year. 102 00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:19,527 Anyway, sorry it's just me. 103 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:22,863 The family's not exactly coping well. 104 00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:26,300 (grunting) 105 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,969 I want to talk about Roger. I miss him. 106 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:32,205 Steve, you need to move on and deal with Roger's death 107 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:34,274 in a healthy way like the rest of us have. 108 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:37,044 Yeah. Dad's got his mustache, 109 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,946 I'm deep into street fighting, 110 00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:41,549 and Mom's got her hair and cigarettes goin'. 111 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,552 What's the point, Steve? 112 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:45,719 Roger's dead. 113 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:49,457 All that's left of him is our pasta claw. 114 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,961 Thanks again for adjusting the handlebars. 115 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,796 Arms are still regenerating. 116 00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,631 Of course. We get that all the time. 117 00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:00,167 This model doesn't have a sidecar option, correct? 118 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,502 Unfortunately, no. 119 00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,170 Good. Got no need for one. 120 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:05,706 You see, I'm a lone wolf. A renegade. 121 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:09,643 Had a need for a sidecar once, but no longer do I have... 122 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,512 a need...for one. 123 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:12,846 Super. 124 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,015 Turned my back on that way of life. 125 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,917 Gonna stop caring about people. 126 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,652 'Cause when you care about people, 127 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,654 you care when they're gone. 128 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,690 Pretty cool, man. 129 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,157 (engine starts) Renegade! 130 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,360 (tires screech, engine revs) 131 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,529 Not cool, man. 132 00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:33,200 ** 133 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,935 Roger: I was a man with a family 134 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,605 who realized I was going to outlive that family. 135 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:41,208 So I cut ties, got loose -- loose as a goose. 136 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:42,543 Set out on my own, 137 00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,712 keeping everybody at goose-length distance. 138 00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:48,549 They're the world's longest bird if you pull hard enough. 139 00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:49,783 Whoa! 140 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,685 (screaming) 141 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,286 ** 142 00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:56,424 So like I was saying, I'm a renegade. 143 00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,025 Movin' from town to town, 144 00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,193 helpin' people who can't help themselves -- 145 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,595 Whoa! Cow skull! 146 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,597 (screams) 147 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,767 ** 148 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:10,904 Three wheels. So safe. Makes way more sense. 149 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,275 (crickets chirping) 150 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,944 (clears throat) 151 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,780 So, um, you know how I'm the only one 152 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,281 who answers the phone anymore? 153 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,418 (Southern accent) Does it hurt your arm, 154 00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:28,556 pattin' yourself on the back all day, Mr. Fancy Phone Guy? 155 00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:31,258 (chuckles) That's an interesting accent, Mama. 156 00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:34,928 But I-I got a call today saying someone charged 157 00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:36,964 $31,000 worth of motorcycles 158 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,299 to Dad's credit card in Missouri. 159 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,101 Don't you mean Mah-zurrah? 160 00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,136 W-What I mean is it's weird. 161 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,439 What's also weird is the same week, 162 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,776 a single man, calling himself "René Gade" 163 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:51,679 crashed six motorcycles within a four-mile stretch 164 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,146 outside of St. Louis. 165 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,115 D-Doesn't that sound like something Roger would -- 166 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:58,118 Roger's dead, Steve! You need to accept it like we have! 167 00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,854 (Southern accent) Try doin' something with your life, boy! 168 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,457 Even that scumbag Klaus turned Roger's attic 169 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,292 into a neighborhood bodega. 170 00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,861 We've all moved on! 171 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,163 Mah-zurrah! We've all moved on! 172 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,465 Grow a mustache! Mah-zurrah! 173 00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,166 We've all moved on! Mah-zurrah! 174 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,301 Grow a mustache! Mah-zurrah! 175 00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:15,769 We've all moved on! Grow a mustache! 176 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:16,837 Mah-zurrah! 177 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,208 You think it's easy to run a bodega? 178 00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:24,211 Sure, it looks sexy as hell, with all my dusty cans 179 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,514 and the smell of wet mango blunt wraps 180 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,649 wafting over the big roll of scratchers. 181 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:31,519 But behind the oldest boxes of cat food in town 182 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,887 is a man who is under constant siege 183 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,189 by shoplifters and thieves like you! 184 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:39,326 Klaus, I'm just saying that last time printouts were $1. 185 00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,729 It's always been $2 per printout, bro. 186 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,230 Read the sign. 187 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,867 (bells chime) Get out! 188 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:50,070 I don't like having two people in here at once. 189 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,509 (thinking) This guy's got sticky fingers. 190 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,978 I'm sure of it. 191 00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:00,213 May I help you find something? 192 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,549 The exit perhaps? 193 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:04,151 Are these 64-ounce Arizona Iced Teas 194 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,653 the biggest ones you have? 195 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:09,056 Let me check in the back. 196 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,525 Nice try, shit eyes. I know your game. 197 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,927 I go behind that door, and you run off 198 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:17,264 with a Duraflame and a pocket bottle of Rumple Minze. 199 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:18,899 What? Get out! 200 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,400 You want a bigger iced tea?! 201 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,169 Well, I want the health department 202 00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:23,871 to let me reopen my deli counter! 203 00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:27,007 I want to be balls deep in egg salad! 204 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,576 I want to be able to brag 205 00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:32,179 that this is a Boar's Head establishment again! 206 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,748 ** 207 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,451 All right, listen up! 208 00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:41,354 There's a new renegade in town and he's hungry for 'gading! 209 00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,056 Now, who has an injustice? 210 00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:46,393 Well, there is a local biker gang that's been terrorizing us. 211 00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,228 Well, not anymore. 212 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,063 Something to eat? 213 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,733 Thought I'd finish up these fries. 214 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,968 Those are cold. I'm a renegade. 215 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:58,572 I like my fries cold and my beers smokin' hot. 216 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,074 (whispering) That's them! 217 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:02,275 A-Are you sure? 218 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:05,112 I can't renegade unless you're 100% sure. 219 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,880 I'm sure. I'm sure. 220 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,382 It sounds like you're saying "unsure"... 221 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:13,053 Aah! (crash) 222 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:16,256 You picked the wrong day to come in here! 223 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,558 We got us a renegade! 224 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:21,228 Mm, mm, mm! 225 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:24,064 The fries are so good! 226 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,634 Who's the renegade? This guy? 227 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:27,735 (grunts) Argh! 228 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:30,337 Please, sir, help us! 229 00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,572 Fries, fries, fries, fries, fries. 230 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:33,807 (woman screaming) 231 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,010 (all shouting) 232 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,413 Ugh! You promised to help us. 233 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:43,116 (screams) 234 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,418 (blows landing in distance) 235 00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:49,657 (grunts) You're a coward. 236 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:52,292 Would a coward do this? 237 00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,667 (crickets chirping) 238 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:04,004 ** 239 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,040 Where are you going, Roger? 240 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,480 ** 241 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:16,884 He's riding the Oregon Trail! 242 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:20,520 Ore-gone? Ore-ginn? 243 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,390 Trail? Treal? 244 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:25,959 Man, everything is sounding weird to me. 245 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,527 My name is Steve. 246 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,197 Ste-e-e-ve. 247 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,332 Stoive? 248 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,401 (Insects chirping) 249 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,904 Work hard, play hard. 250 00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,672 It's the renegade way. 251 00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:41,842 Hello? Anybody there? 252 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,248 "Wanted -- renegade. 253 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,885 Minimal bravery and motorcycle skills required." 254 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:52,986 Yes! 255 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,554 Uh, hello? 256 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,024 Damn it. Wrong side. 257 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,527 Bluh-luh-luh-luh. 258 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:04,397 Enh, should've parked closer. 259 00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:07,868 Stoive?! 260 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:10,237 Roiger! I knew you were alive! 261 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:13,373 Why'd you do this? Roger, we're your family. 262 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:14,908 Well, it's better if you're not! 263 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,376 Because when you love something 264 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,545 and you know you're gonna lose it, it hurts! 265 00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:19,880 And I can't keep doing it! 266 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:23,216 Keep doing it? I loved another family once. 267 00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:24,718 As much as you guys. 268 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,353 They were pioneers... 269 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,721 Wait a minute. 270 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:30,290 I thought you landed in Roswell in the '40s. 271 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,558 The second time. 272 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:33,226 The first time, I was with my Aunt Carolynn. 273 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,962 She had always been a bad driver. 274 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:37,264 A little thing like her nephew's Nerf football 275 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,066 bouncing on the light-speed button 276 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,802 and she was all, "Blaah! Brace for impact!" 277 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,703 She was killed instantly. 278 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,739 (gasps) Oh, my God. That's terrible! 279 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:48,208 Oh! Are we -- Are we both telling this story? 280 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,442 No? Okay, then. 281 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,578 Now, without further interruption -- 282 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:55,582 Where was I? Damn. Enh, forget it! 283 00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,417 Nah, nah. It's a good story. I'm gonna finish it. 284 00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:00,220 Anyway, that's when I met the Meekers, 285 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,923 a family of fur trappers. 286 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:07,160 They took me in, treated me as one of their own, 287 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,397 and I joined them on their trip to Oregon. 288 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:12,900 ** 289 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,636 Things were going great till one of our wagon wheels popped off. 290 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:22,409 ** 291 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:26,079 That was an incredibly long hill. 292 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,314 And I was exhausted, 293 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,649 but I was in better shape than the Meekers. 294 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:35,488 ** 295 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:41,194 ** 296 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,796 Roger, I'm so sorry. 297 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,798 Now it makes sense why you're out here 298 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,599 retracing the Oregon Trail. 299 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:49,102 I am? I had no idea. 300 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,138 I thought I was just following Soul Asylum 301 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:53,140 from county fair to county fair. 302 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,976 But playing Oregon Trail with you 303 00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,011 stirred up memories of the Meekers. 304 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:01,714 And I realized I-I'm gonna outlive the Smiths, too. 305 00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,951 That's why I faked my death, hit the road, 306 00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:05,518 and became a famous renegade. 307 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,188 But, Roger, people live so much longer now. 308 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,390 I mean, with advancements in technology, 309 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,292 who knows how long we'll be together. 310 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,194 Technology, huh? 311 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,695 Hadn't really thought about that. 312 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,397 It's a big deal these days, isn't it? 313 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:19,833 What do you say? Ready to come home? 314 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:22,069 Stop fretting about the time we don't have 315 00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:24,304 and start enjoying the time we do. 316 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,473 Technology, baby! 317 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:29,209 (grunting) 318 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,078 Look who I found! 319 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,345 Yeah! 320 00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:33,680 Roger! You're alive! 321 00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:36,349 Mah-zurrah! I'm sorry I left you guys, 322 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,185 and I can't give you back the last year, 323 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,353 although it looks like you all were doing great. 324 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,556 What I can do is pick up right where we left off. 325 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,892 The car accident? 326 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:47,427 No, silly! Jerking off at our sleepover! 327 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,162 I don't think that we agreed on that. 328 00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:52,599 All right, Steve. Play it cool for your parents. 329 00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,902 (crickets chirping) 330 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:58,005 I thought we could start with a little Motorcycle Mayhem. 331 00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:01,541 Nah! Come on, big daddy. Let's fire up that Dutch oven. 332 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,444 Roger, I thought you'd never ask. 333 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:05,712 (screams) 334 00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:07,514 (both grunting) 335 00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,883 Oh, this boy is so strong! 336 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,218 Roger, help! 337 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,685 Hold on, buddy! 338 00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,955 There you go, Dr. Weitzman. 339 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:19,292 ** 340 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:24,731 Mom? Dad? Where are we? 341 00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:26,599 Roger: Oh, good. You're all awake. 342 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,436 Stan: What the hell? You were right, Steve. 343 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,538 With technology, I'll never have to worry 344 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:32,973 about outliving you guys. 345 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:36,243 You'll be safe and sound inside my Macintosh. 346 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:38,111 You mean our Macintosh?! 347 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:41,081 Seriously? That's your biggest concern right now? 348 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,420 Roger, get us out of this computer! 349 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,821 I'm putting my foot down! 350 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,257 (laughs) That's cute. 351 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,659 But your foot's over here. (all gasping) 352 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,761 Why are you doing this to us?! 353 00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:56,096 It's for your own good! 354 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,298 You used to live in these vulnerable bodies. 355 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,268 Bodies break down. Look! 356 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,004 Ugh! I'm gonna be sick. 357 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,572 No. That's the point. 358 00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,274 You're never gonna be sick again. 359 00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:09,842 Thanks to technology, you'll live as long as me. 360 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,811 Roger, this is not what I meant. 361 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,280 You're so humble, Steve. 362 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,682 But when you started blabbing about technology this 363 00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:18,285 and technology that, it dawned on me. 364 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,320 If the CIA can put Klaus' mind 365 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,422 in a fish's body or Stan's car, 366 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,857 they should be able to put the family in a computer. 367 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,793 And Dr. Weitzman agreed to this? 368 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:28,128 Not at first. 369 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:31,464 But it turns out Dr. Weitzman is a big fan of $20. 370 00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:37,270 (thinking) Just my luck. 371 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:40,007 Another scumbag thief. 372 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,443 Do you have any bags of marshmallows 373 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,178 that aren't all melted together? 374 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,679 No! That's fine. 375 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,215 Probably packing heat. 376 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,017 Getting robbed at gunpoint 377 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,552 would be hell on my profit margins. 378 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,454 Well, I'm ready to -- 379 00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:55,888 My thin margins! 380 00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:58,225 (register chimes) 381 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,794 (weakly) I'm the health inspector. 382 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:06,333 You can reopen your deli counter. 383 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,802 What am I doing?! 384 00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,339 I got to call my Boar's Head guy! 385 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,074 Hayley: I'm not trying to trick you, Roger. 386 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:15,842 That sounded like a gunshot in the house. 387 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,410 Ever since you've been in a computer, 388 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,046 you think you know what every sound is. 389 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:21,914 I'll go see what it actually was. 390 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,683 Okay, guys. I got a plan. 391 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,552 If we can get into MacPaint, 392 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,055 we can get a message to Klaus to come save us. 393 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:29,522 How? 394 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,592 This computer is connected to the printer in his bodega. 395 00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,162 (beeping) 396 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:38,065 Hayley, you're the graffiti artist. Start writing! 397 00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:40,667 What? You're -- You're into graffiti, right? 398 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:43,036 You and all the girls in your gang? 399 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,437 I'm not in a gang. 400 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,406 But you got the bandanna. 401 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,841 We're not very close, are we? 402 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,911 Roger: Ah-ah-ah! 403 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,380 (click, beeping) 404 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,515 And just to be safe... 405 00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,886 He has total control over us! 406 00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:01,188 Maybe not. 407 00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:02,689 (beeping) 408 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,757 (mouse clicks, electricity crackling) 409 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,359 (gasps) You dick! 410 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:09,096 Everyone, into the game! It's our only way out! 411 00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,531 (beeping) 412 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,266 No! It's suicide! 413 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:16,436 ** 414 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,606 If we beat this game, we can print out a message to Klaus 415 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,641 on the certificate of completion. 416 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,144 We've reached the Kansas River Crossing! 417 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,713 We can ford it, float it, 418 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,415 or wait and see if conditions improve. 419 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:30,117 Wait and see. Wait and see! 420 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:33,420 This family's built... ford tough! 421 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,054 Dad, are you high?! 422 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,090 I'll tell you what's high, Hayley. 423 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,092 The heights you can soar to 424 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,894 when you work together as a family -- 425 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,597 (computerized jingle plays) 426 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,600 (gasps) No! It's happening again! 427 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,302 (beeping) 428 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,837 It's just a game. 429 00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,939 I-I didn't think we'd feel anything, 430 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:56,809 but I now know how it feels to drown to death. 431 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,845 Like a wicked-long keg stand! 432 00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:01,781 Come on, guys! we've got to beat this thing! 433 00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:09,122 ** 434 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,957 (roars) (screams) 435 00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:15,795 ** 436 00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:16,629 (gasps) 437 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:19,532 (gasps, screams) 438 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,634 (whimpers) 439 00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,636 (whooping) 440 00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:26,339 ** 441 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,974 Aah! 442 00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:31,978 ** 443 00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:32,945 Aah! 444 00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:35,382 ** 445 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,385 (screams) 446 00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:39,352 (gasps) 447 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,121 ** 448 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,856 Aah! 449 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,660 ** 450 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,830 (teeth chattering) 451 00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:51,631 Aah! 452 00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,667 ** 453 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,969 (gasps) Aah! 454 00:18:57,069 --> 00:19:02,975 ** 455 00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:06,246 Look! Over yonder! 456 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,981 Francine: We made it to Oregon! 457 00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,518 (computerized jingle plays) 458 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:14,354 Steve: Quick! Print -- 459 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,656 (birds chirping) 460 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,526 (thinking) All right, Klaus. You shot an unarmed man. 461 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,228 Got to make it seem like a shootout. 462 00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,563 Then it'll be his word against yours. 463 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,499 Just a small chunk of fin. 464 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,201 (gunshot) 465 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:31,070 That's not gonna do it. Too small. 466 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,405 (gunshot) (screams) 467 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,541 Oh! That's perfect! 468 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,576 You can rest now, Klaus. 469 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,712 Your margins are safe. 470 00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,248 (bells chime) 471 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,750 Man: Boar's Head! Boar's head delivery! 472 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,719 Big round balls of turkey comin' in! 473 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:49,956 Oh, my God! 474 00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:51,391 Oh, my God. 475 00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,192 Oh, my God. (register chimes) 476 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,262 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 477 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:58,030 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 478 00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,599 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 479 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,200 Enh! Oh, my God. 480 00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:02,201 (bells chime) 481 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:04,203 Ow! My arm! 482 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,273 D-Did Klaus save us? 483 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:08,908 Oh, no. Klaus got shot up and robbed by some maniac. 484 00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:10,810 Then how are we back in our bodies? 485 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,445 I think I know what happened. 486 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,382 Roger saw us do what the Meekers couldn't. 487 00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:17,650 He saw us survive the Oregon Trail 488 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,252 and was so impressed -- 489 00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,621 Wrong! I pulled you out of the computer 490 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,991 because I saw you die so many times, it desensitized me. 491 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,426 Desensitized you? 492 00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,762 Yeah. I watched you die in every conceivable way. 493 00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,063 Except for you, Francine. 494 00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,732 You just kept dying from dysentery. 495 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,801 Couldn't stop drinking that mud water, 496 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,636 could you, you silly dumb-dumb? 497 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:37,904 I was thirsty. 498 00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,672 So you're really cured? 499 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,308 Yep. Cured as a cucumber. 500 00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:44,076 The thought of you dying doesn't bother me at all anymore. 501 00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:46,746 Oh, Roger, that's all we could ever hope for! 502 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:49,816 But when we are gone, we sure are gonna miss you, Roger. 503 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,452 No, you'll be dead. You won't even know. 504 00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:54,153 I'll know. But I won't care! 505 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,456 All right, Roger. We're happy you're back to normal. 506 00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:58,791 But let's try and be kind. 507 00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:01,961 I'll dance on your graves. 508 00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:04,163 Bye! Have a great time!