1
00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:08,509
Okay, we have 90 seconds
before Demetrius Pertz

2
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,344
walks into this park
with a briefcase

3
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,680
of weapons-grade uranium.

4
00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:15,083
-Whoa.
-Yes.

5
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:19,420
Smith, the rendezvous point
is there, by that fountain.

6
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,056
You have the untraceable
South African Krugerrands

7
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:23,424
to make the exchange?

8
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:26,260
Where will the support
team be, sir?

9
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:29,097
We'll be in the last place
he expects --

10
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:30,364
that bush.

11
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,901
Holding the last thing
he expects --

12
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:37,171
this net I bought
at True Value hardware.

13
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:39,207
Now, this could be
our only chance.

14
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,042
Pertz can smell a rat
through a lead wall.

15
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,277
Is that
a real expression?

16
00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:46,046
Great question, Smith!

17
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,216
Bush squad, mount up!

18
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,954
-Hey!
-Sorry, señor.

19
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,189
This is my spot.

20
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,191
Well, not today.
Just go over there.

21
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,792
This is always my spot.

22
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:01,762
It was my grandfather's spot,
my father's spot.

23
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,198
I hope, one day,
to be my son's spot.

24
00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:06,467
Well, your son's gonna
be selling fruit to mutants

25
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,302
if I don't stop
this uranium dealer.

26
00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:09,970
My son?
No!

27
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,106
Go on,
get out of here!

28
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:14,942
Go on,
get out of here!

29
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,044
Whoa.
That was weird.

30
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,313
I said,
"Get out of here"!

31
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,982
I said,
"Get out of here"!

32
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,984
What the hell
is happening?

33
00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:26,420
Smith,
I have eyes on Pertz.

34
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:27,621
Are you in position?

35
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,323
No.
But let me explain why.

36
00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:31,492
Damn it, Smith,
get out of here!

37
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,727
Get out of here!

38
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,629
I know this doesn't
make any sense,

39
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,898
but suddenly I don't
want to be alone.

40
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,267
I can't be alone.

41
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:43,003
*

42
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,238
You're blowing it, Smith.

43
00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:45,973
You're blowing
the whole mission.

44
00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:48,309
*

45
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,611
He has a jet pack!
Get the net!

46
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,180
Get the net!

47
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,949
*

48
00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,787
Smith, you idiot.

49
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,355
You let Pertz get away.

50
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:05,826
You, however, captured 30
guava, my favorite fruit.

51
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:09,163
I may have another mission
for you.

52
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:11,232
(patriotic music plays)

53
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,134
* Good morning, U.S.A. *

54
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:18,005
* I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day *

55
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:21,275
* The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face *

56
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:25,746
* And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race *

57
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,951
* Oh, boy, it's swell to say *

58
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,487
* Good -- *
* Good morning, U.S.A. *

59
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,588
Aah!

60
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:39,159
* Good morning, U.S.A. *

61
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:41,061
*

62
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,363
Honestly, sir, I don't know

63
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,731
what made me feel
so clingy before,

64
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,032
but I'll be fine.

65
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:46,367
No, no.
I am fine.

66
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,635
Are you, Smith?

67
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,136
Because you're taking
a shit with me.

68
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,671
Ha! Yes, I am.

69
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:53,341
You made my net
look like a fool.

70
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,708
Get out of here!

71
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:57,211
Get out of here!

72
00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:58,579
I don't want to go.

73
00:02:58,612 --> 00:02:59,980
You need to sort this out.

74
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,149
I can't have you blowing
another mission.

75
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,518
Now, hand me
that stack of paper.

76
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:05,686
What are these?

77
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,021
These are tweets
from my haters.

78
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,424
I use them for toilet paper
to remind myself

79
00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:12,192
they can't get to me.

80
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:15,496
Take that,
@DominosPizza.

81
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,065
You did this to yourself.

82
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,634
*

83
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:29,277
Oh ho!
Epic fail!

84
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,112
Should we be following him?

85
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,548
Are we -- are we sure we want
to make that our thing?

86
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:36,250
I mean, sometimes it feels
like we only

87
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:38,118
get to do
one fun thing a week.

88
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,520
True.

89
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:43,190
Do we really want to put
all of our energy and creativity

90
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,693
into whatever the hell
Klaus has going on?

91
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,628
It will probably be funny.

92
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,298
Oh, Gwen Stefani,
Gwen Stefani.

93
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:51,399
No Doubt, No Doubt.

94
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,267
See? Like that.

95
00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:58,005
Do we want to pour that kind
of magic into Klaus' shit soup?

96
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,274
"F" it, I'll do it.

97
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,242
-Yeah, me too.
-What the hell.

98
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,644
I'm not gonna commit
quite yet.

99
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,913
I've been planting a lot
of seeds, socially,

100
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,782
and I just know that
as soon as I'm unavailable,

101
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,418
everybody's gonna
want a piece of me.

102
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:14,087
Social butterfly,
that's who I'll be.

103
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,324
Spreading his wings.

104
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,993
Should probably eat something
while I have time,

105
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,695
before it gets crazy.

106
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,233
*

107
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,568
I'd like to know
a little more

108
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,137
about these flashbacks
you've been having.

109
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,505
I'm sorry, Dr. Ray.

110
00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:34,174
It's just, dude,
I saw you die.

111
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,576
Right, right.

112
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,512
You say we had both been
miniaturized, was it?

113
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:41,815
And my head was bitten off
by a giant ant?

114
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:44,652
The ant wasn't giant,
it was normal size.

115
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,954
We were very small.

116
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,088
What are you writing?

117
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,492
Oh, I just drew a little
picture of a nut.

118
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:55,128
Your separation anxiety
has severely compromised

119
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,830
your ability
to do your job.

120
00:04:56,864 --> 00:05:00,368
So no more talk about a wild
C.I.A. shrink ray

121
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,970
or some fantastical
clone technology

122
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:05,172
that could bring
a dead man back to life.

123
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:08,308
Let's be in the real world,
where I hook you up

124
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:09,977
to a mental visualizer

125
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:12,746
that will print a photo
of your thoughts.

126
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:17,651
It won't... I-I can't...
I don't see him.

127
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:18,652
Then forget it.

128
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,488
You're wasting my time.

129
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:21,989
Go away!

130
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,023
(beeping)

131
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,858
Go away!

132
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,660
(printer beeps)

133
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,995
Here's your man.

134
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,997
Oh, my God!

135
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,500
STAN:
It's Curly Neal, sir,

136
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,301
the legendary
Harlem Globetrotter.

137
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,237
Somehow, he's responsible
for my separation anxiety.

138
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:41,341
Listen, Smith, I'm still
upset about Demetrius Pertz.

139
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,910
He made it to U.S. soil,

140
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,712
where the C.I.A.
can't operate

141
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:47,715
because of craven
judicial overreach.

142
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:50,651
-You mean laws?
-You mean laws?

143
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,685
Okay, you're in a mood.

144
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:54,588
I'm gonna go deal
with this.

145
00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:56,924
*

146
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,059
All right.
Klaus, what's going on?

147
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,661
Yeah, dazzle us, fish.

148
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,230
I have a website.

149
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,032
Klaustastrophe.tv.

150
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,868
It's where I document
all the epic fails around me.

151
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:08,902
See?

152
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,208
Forgot my keys.

153
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,547
-(sneezes)
-Gesundheit.

154
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,982
-Actually, that was a cough.
-Oh.

155
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,755
(crying)

156
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:32,092
Klaus, do you even know
what an epic fail is?

157
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:35,228
Yeah, Klaus, I was just
crying about my life.

158
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:36,630
It's not that big a deal.

159
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,799
Steve was right to hold out
for something better.

160
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:39,967
Why?
What's he got going on?

161
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,635
He's going to
Rhode Island with Stan

162
00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:43,571
to see
the Harlem Globetrotters.

163
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,606
Goddamn Klaus.

164
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,641
*

165
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:48,942
Best day ever.

166
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:51,445
First we got to fly
Southwest Airlines

167
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,481
in boarding group "C"
for cool.

168
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,082
That's what it stands for.

169
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:58,652
Now we're gonna watch some
former junior college ball hogs

170
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:01,154
light it up
in the same building

171
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:04,324
that, just 24 hours
from now, will host

172
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,560
Sesame Street on Ice.

173
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,995
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,

174
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,330
the world-famous
Harlem Globetrotters.

175
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:13,467
The road to Curly
starts here.

176
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:14,568
Here they come!

177
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:16,470
To answer for their sins.

178
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,138
They're amazing, Steve!

179
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,507
At keeping secrets.

180
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:20,574
I'll kill them
if I have to!

181
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:21,809
Wrong voice.

182
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,177
(Sweet Georgia Brown
playing)

183
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,517
(laughter)

184
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:30,918
(laughs)

185
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,488
Hey, guys, how about joining
us for a magic circle?

186
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:35,656
Not the first time

187
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,825
I've gotten that invitation
from a gentleman.

188
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:40,160
(Sweet Georgia Brown
continues)

189
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,737
Whew.

190
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:52,840
Your turn, pops.

191
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,642
No, wait,
I don't know how to...

192
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,043
(crowd gasps)

193
00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:00,514
(cheers and applause)

194
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:04,184
*

195
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:07,688
*

196
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,823
(cheers and applause)

197
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:10,824
(suspenseful music plays)

198
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,993
Aah!
Don't get me wet!

199
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:17,164
It's not water.
It's a miracle!

200
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:23,203
Go on, Stan, we don't
want you anymore.

201
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,038
(thunder crashes)

202
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:26,406
That's it.

203
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:30,544
When I was 9 years old,
I went to Globetrotters camp.

204
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,345
I had the best month of my life.

205
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,348
And then, for no reason,
they kicked me out.

206
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,017
Wow, that's rough.

207
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,052
But are you too upset
to take a half-court shot

208
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:42,522
for a lifetime supply
of Little Debbie products?

209
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:43,657
Give me the rock.

210
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,025
(cheers and applause)

211
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,193
(grunts)

212
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:50,998
Swish.

213
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,900
* All I do is win, win, win *

214
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,367
* No matter what *

215
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:57,137
* Got money on my mind,
I can never get enough *

216
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,842
*

217
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:02,943
I need some answers.

218
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,244
You missed the shot.
You don't get the food.

219
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,346
No. Why did Curly
and the Globetrotters

220
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,347
kick me out of camp?

221
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,582
How long ago was this?

222
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:09,683
34 years.

223
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:10,951
I'm 24.

224
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,886
I would have been
minus 10 years old.

225
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:13,921
That's a small number.

226
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:16,189
That's a small integer.

227
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:19,693
Junior college
is still college.

228
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,695
All right.
Time to hit the showers.

229
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,797
And don't just sprinkle
water on your hair.

230
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,232
I'll be able to tell.

231
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,701
These kids don't know
where to find Curly,

232
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,469
but I do.

233
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:35,575
*

234
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:38,979
*

235
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,314
It's just
a little further.

236
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,450
Couldn't you have just
written these directions down?

237
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:45,986
Ooh!
Am I such bad company?

238
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,855
Well, good luck
finding him yourself.

239
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,793
Damn it!

240
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,064
Have your epic fails
not been epic enough?

241
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:01,869
Try giving your smoothie
a kick with an M-80 berry.

242
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:10,678
If it can clean a golf club,

243
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,613
imagine what it
can do for teeth.

244
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,016
*

245
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,457
(screams)

246
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:30,330
Roger is about to learn,
when you snooze, you lose.

247
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:35,002
(snoring)

248
00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:39,039
Aah!

249
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:44,344
*

250
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:52,953
-Wait. Is that...
-It can't be...

251
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,322
-Is it?
-Stan Smith.

252
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,356
Curly?

253
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:59,459
I thought I'd never
see you again.

254
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,730
Curly, I traveled
a long way to see you.

255
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,031
Traveling
is a violation.

256
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,299
Curly's ball
on the porch.

257
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,869
So they got you all
the way out here, huh?

258
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,370
Yeah, we stay isolated

259
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,139
in case another
Space Jam happens

260
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,407
and they need us
to defeat the Monstars.

261
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,009
So I hear you remember

262
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,878
those dribbling tricks
I taught you.

263
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,347
Well, my dazzle catch
was slow to -- Hold on.

264
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,049
We can't just sit here
like friends.

265
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,317
You guys abandoned me.
You kicked me out of your camp.

266
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,854
Oh, Stan,
there's no such thing

267
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,189
as Globetrotter camp.
-What?!

268
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,892
We had just played a show.

269
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,827
And as we were leaving,

270
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,695
we saw you waiting
for your dad.

271
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:39,599
An usher told us he had pounded
a Sprite, burped the words

272
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:43,436
"Time for some strange,"
and jogged off into the night.

273
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:44,772
We offered to take you home,

274
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,606
but you didn't know
where you lived.

275
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:49,676
My dad said it was important
I never know our address

276
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,878
in case I was ever captured

277
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,379
and tortured by people
looking for him.

278
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:55,082
Well, that didn't sound
like a great scene to us,

279
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:58,385
so we took you on the road
and told you it was camp.

280
00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:01,588
And you trotted
around the globe with us

281
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:04,057
on a bus up
and down I-70.

282
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,760
But 4 weeks later,
your dad showed up,

283
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,095
and we had
to give you back.

284
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,030
Except you didn't
like that idea.

285
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,199
No, I'm staying
with you guys.

286
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:16,136
Well, you can't, because...

287
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,709
We don't want you
around, okay?!

288
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,744
Go on,
get out of here!

289
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,947
I said,
"Get out of here"!

290
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:31,785
*

291
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:43,997
So you just said
that stuff

292
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,465
to make me go back
to my dad.

293
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:48,268
It was the hardest thing
I've ever done.

294
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,137
We all missed you
so much.

295
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,505
We even tried to adopt you,
but 12 black men

296
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,741
asking for custody
of a young white boy

297
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,609
wasn't a slam dunk
back then.

298
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:58,345
Or even now, probably.

299
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,981
You don't know how helpful
you've been to me, Curly.

300
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,950
Come back anytime, Stan.

301
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,484
That won't be necessary.

302
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,518
(engine starts)

303
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:06,653
(all grunt)

304
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,288
*

305
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,858
Guess I can say goodbye
to my separation anxiety

306
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,993
because the Globetrotters
didn't abandon me.

307
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,195
My dad did,
which is way worse

308
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,596
'cause that ain't
never going away.

309
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,299
(laughs nervously)

310
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:23,436
(crying)

311
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,006
Oh, God,
not that guy again.

312
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,575
*

313
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,011
You almost killed us.

314
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,812
I was taking your notes.

315
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:35,148
The fails
are so epic now.

316
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,350
Traffic is up,
so is ad revenue.

317
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,452
People are actually
watching this?

318
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,453
Hundreds!

319
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,689
And you can make money
from it?

320
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:43,991
Thousands.

321
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,725
It will take more than just
shouting numbers

322
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,027
to get me on board.

323
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,395
Millions!

324
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,563
Well, you called
my bluff, I'm in.

325
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:55,568
*

326
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:56,669
Hi.

327
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,205
I've realized that,
due to my crippling,

328
00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,407
father-induced
separation anxiety,

329
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,210
I can no longer be
a reliable member of the team.

330
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:06,179
Is there a process for becoming
a lone-wolf agent?

331
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:09,016
I'd like to stop Demetrius Pertz
all by myself,

332
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,383
without my daddy
or anyone.

333
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:13,286
You'll have to sign
these lone-wolf forms.

334
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:18,725
Doing what you're told?
You're no lone wolf.

335
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,528
Lone wolves are rebels,
playing by their own rules.

336
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,530
Look at the name
I signed.

337
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,066
Butts McButts.

338
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,867
* All I do is win, win, win *

339
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,336
* No matter what *

340
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,972
* Got money on my mind,
I can never get enough *

341
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:38,345
*

342
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,614
*

343
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:47,220
Demetrius Pertz.
And this time, I'm ready.

344
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:50,991
The only person I can
get killed is myself.

345
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,529
Well,
you're halfway there.

346
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,932
*

347
00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:00,400
See, Klaus?
This is what you get

348
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,602
when you work with us
on the epic fails.

349
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:05,372
They're just as epic,
but none of us are bleeding

350
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,008
on either the outside
or the inside.

351
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:12,412
Time to go downstairs
to do the laundry.

352
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,982
Can't think of anything safer.

353
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,416
Whoa!

354
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,450
(thud!)

355
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:26,259
I'ma dunk
this basketball, for reals.

356
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,002
Movie time!

357
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,304
I hope it's not a scary one.

358
00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:45,945
(gulps)
Ugh! I got a burnt one.

359
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:50,917
It's so bad, I don't even want
to listen to my catchphrase.

360
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,085
What was bad about it?

361
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:53,453
Everything.

362
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,489
All those clumsy camera cuts
to hide how fake it was.

363
00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,958
Klaustastrophe.tv is over.

364
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,328
Thanks a lot, idiots.

365
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,999
I don't understand.
I did eat that spider.

366
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,534
Why did we cut away from that?

367
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:11,671
Actually tasted okay, like a
hairy croissant full of blood.

368
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,476
I apologize for
the scratchy ropes.

369
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,278
I bought them
on scratchyropes.com.

370
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,512
I thought it was a joke.

371
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,114
I was like, "No one is
gonna pay full price

372
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:22,849
for scratchy ropes,"
but here we are.

373
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:26,386
They got my money,
and you got scratchy ropes.

374
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:29,389
Anyway, I got a sidewinder
missile sale to finish.

375
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,958
So you're going to
abandon me, too?

376
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,360
Don't worry.

377
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,995
I'll be back in a minute
to kill you.
Whatever.

378
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:39,332
Go do your thing
that's so important.

379
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,533
This is the worst.

380
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:42,069
If this rope was any scratchier,

381
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,671
it would be overseen by
the state lottery commission.

382
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:46,073
Ha ha!

383
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:48,308
If I had a team with me, someone
would have laughed at that.

384
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,310
CURLY: You do have a team
with you, Stan.

385
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,811
That just wasn't
very funny.

386
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,246
Curly!

387
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,350
How did you guys find me?

388
00:16:57,384 --> 00:16:58,985
With a little help
from the tracking chip

389
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,187
I implanted in your neck

390
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,021
while I was putting
the visualizer on you.

391
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,856
We may not have caused
your problems,

392
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,758
Stan,
but we can help fix it.

393
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,561
Then come with me,
old men and Dr. Ray.

394
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,997
We've got an arms deal
to stop.

395
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:15,568
*

396
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:17,170
Any chance
any of you are armed?

397
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:20,773
Just with athletic ability
and a passion for entertainment.

398
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,475
Right!
Right.

399
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:24,677
Grenade!

400
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,679
Magic circle!

401
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,382
*

402
00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:33,186
Wait, guys,
get rid of it.

403
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:37,324
*

404
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:43,396
Okay, that's nice.

405
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,898
Goose,
you still got it, man.

406
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,066
Okay, big finish now.

407
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,034
Now, now, now, now, now!

408
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:51,438
*

409
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:54,407
(laughter)

410
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,476
BOTH:
Again! Do it again!

411
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,279
Okay, so we make a circle.

412
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,650
-No!
-Boo!

413
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:07,654
Sorry, Stan, turns out we're not
much of a rescue party.

414
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:12,159
How about
one last magic circle?

415
00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:15,795
Goodbye, guys.

416
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:17,730
Thanks for being there
for me.

417
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:20,167
(gunfire)

418
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,935
Is anybody hit?
-No.

419
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:24,671
The circle really
is magic!

420
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:27,407
BULLOCK: Yes, it magically
took credit for me

421
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,209
shooting
all these bad guys.

422
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:32,179
Sir!
How did you find me?

423
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:33,413
I had you chipped.

424
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,448
You're remarkably easy
to chip.

425
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,617
There are,
like, seven in you.

426
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,586
But why?
I quit the team.

427
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,154
Don't be a dumbass, Stan.

428
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:42,622
You'll always be
part of the team.

429
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:44,457
PERTZ:
Then you'll die together!

430
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:47,327
Thanks, Coach!

431
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,129
Don't thank me,
thank rolling.

432
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,532
*

433
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:56,436
Look, guys, I'm -- I'm sorry
I yelled at you before.

434
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,805
I mean, the website
isn't that important.

435
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,840
So, I scraped together
a few bucks

436
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:05,245
for a little apology party
if you're interested.

437
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:09,682
Grab a seat.
Dig in.

438
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:10,917
(all scream)

439
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,154
Epic fail!

440
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:16,489
What the hell, Klaus?

441
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,858
Your junk was so lame.

442
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,794
This is the primo stuff
that goes right into

443
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:22,862
the public's veins.

444
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,332
(laughs) Yes!
Whoa!

445
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,400
Nein!
Aah!

446
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,502
Oh, no.
My cup.

447
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,704
I need water,
or I'll die.

448
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,306
What are we supposed to do?

449
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,342
Spit on me.

450
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:38,478
(all spitting)

451
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,046
It's not enough.

452
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,848
I need more liquid.

453
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,351
You'll have to...

454
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,486
Whoa. That's where
your pee comes out?

455
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,855
-Sometimes.
-Wait, is the camera still on?

456
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,023
Turn it off!
Don't film this!

457
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,692
FRANCINE: My turn.

458
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:55,027
*

459
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,763
So I guess what I'm saying is,

460
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,531
even though I discovered
yet another way

461
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,199
my dad really screwed me up,

462
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:03,336
I realized I don't have to worry
about being abandoned.

463
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:06,406
There are people in my life
who love and care about me

464
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,775
and will always be there
for me --

465
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:11,978
the Harlem Globetrotters
and my friends from work.

466
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:16,383
The pattern of abandonment
has been broken.

467
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,418
Where is Steve?

468
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:20,387
(sighs)

469
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,755
Look, Steve,
there's no such thing

470
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:25,024
as Sesame Street on Ice camp.

471
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,560
Your dad just abandoned
you at the arena.

472
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:31,130
No, I want to stay
with you guys.

473
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:33,400
Well, you can't.

474
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,803
Because...

475
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,638
we don't
want you around, okay?!

476
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,907
Go on,
get out of here!

477
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,042
I said,
"Get out of here"!

478
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,210
(thunder crashes)

479
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:48,648
*

480
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:51,884
*

481
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,653
(crying)

482
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,823
It's okay, Marcus.
It's okay.

483
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,725
We've got four other kids
in the van

484
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,827
that nobody is coming for.

485
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:04,030
Bye-bye!
See you soon!

486
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:06,999
-- Captions by VITAC --