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NARRATOR: Last Christmas
on "American Dad!"

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Aaah!

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(roars)

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(children screaming)

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**

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**

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Smiths!

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You haven't seen
the last of me!

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Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

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Whoa, that was clo...

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Aaaah!

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**

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**

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* Deck the halls
with boughs of holly *

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* Fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la *

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What do you
think, Dad?

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I've raised this tree
since it was a young sapling.

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It's like the child I never had.

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ALL: Aw.

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Now that Santa is dead,
we can finally

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celebrate Christmas again.

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This is going to be
the best Christmas ever.

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Guys, guys, guys,
guy, guy, guys.

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I just came up with
an awesome new dance.

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You got to see it.

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Guys?

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Guys! You got see me
rock this dance.

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It's half twerking,
half motorboating,

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100% sexuality.

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Hey,
what are you doing?

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I'm sewing
Christmas stockings

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that actually fit
everyone's feet.

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I came up
with the idea myself.

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Can you believe it?

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I can. Ich!

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It's always about
Christmas in this house.

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I'm sick of it.
I'm going to find someone

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who will appreciate me
and my dance.

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And zippity-zappity-zoo.

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(panting)

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Thank you.
Thank you, Snot.

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I ju-- I just knew
you'd love it.

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Uh-huh.
So, you're Steve's uncle?

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That's right.
I'm Uncle Roger.

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Are you
Mr. Smith's brother?

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Oh, no, no, no, no.
No. I'm not related
to Stan or Francine.

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I'm Steve's direct uncle.

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I only came over
because the whole family

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is obsessed
with Christmas.

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I-I just don't get it.
You ever feel that way?

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Well, yeah. I'm Jewish,
so I celebrate Hanukkah.

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What's that?
It's an 8-day celebration

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called
the Festival of Lights.

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And tonight's
the first night.

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On each night, we light
a candle to symbolize

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how one night's supply
of oil lasted eight nights.

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Sometimes we play
dreidel or eat latkes,

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and sometimes we don't
and just go to bed.

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It's kind of boring.

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But it's cool that you
have your own thing.

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Not really.

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Hanukkah has always been
second fiddle to Christmas.

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We don't have any catchy songs
or Santa or anything.

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This is a tough time
of the year for us.

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Are there, or have
there ever been,

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other tough times
for Jewish people?

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Yes.

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Hey, you know what?
As Christmas outsiders,

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the two of us
should stick together.

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Neither of us should
suffer alone in this,

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the toughest of times.

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I'm going to celebrate
Hanukkah with you.

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So, how do I become Jewish?
Do I just -- Do I just kiss you?

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Let's start
with some reading.

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The Book of Creation.
That sounds juicy.

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That's too advanced
for you.

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If you want to become Jewish,
you must first study the Torah.

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In the beginning, God
created heaven and Earth.

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Hey, they lifted
that line from the Bible.

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This is going to be fun.

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Let's get Jewy!

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(traditional
Jewish music plays)

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**

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**

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**

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**

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* Viva, nagila, viva *

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* Nagila viva *

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* Nagila vi-i-iva *

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(slot machine clicks)

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(beeping)
Mazel. Mazel very tov.

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(camera shutter clicks)

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(glass shatters)

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Feh, got needles much,
you dumb tree? Feh.

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Roger, what
are you doing?

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Aah!

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My baby! (sobs)

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I'm celebrating Hanukkah now.
I hope you can all respect that.

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It's fine that you want
to celebrate Hanukkah, Roger,

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but you can't put
your candlestick

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that close
to the drapes.

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It's a fire hazard.

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Oh, my Jewish god.

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What are you saying, Francine?

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That my Menorah
isn't welcome here?

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I didn't say that. You're
putting words in my mouth.

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That's better than what
other people put in there.

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Oh, he has
a disgusting point.

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Snot said Christmas was hard
for him. Now I know why.

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Snot? You've been
hanging out with my Snot?

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Nobody in this family ever wants
to do what I want to do,

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and what I want
to do now is Chanukkah.

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(sobs)

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Have any of the rest of you been
hanging out with my friends?

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* Jingle bells *

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* Santa smells *

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* Everything's so lame *

118
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* Christmas time
is such a grind *

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* Hey, don't push me away *

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Hey!

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* Jingle bells, I'm unwell *

122
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* Watching others play *

123
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* They have fun,
but I am bummed *

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* 'Cause Santa skips my place *

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(shoppers screaming)

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* Crashing through the mall *

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* 'Cause I'm driving
while I'm baked *

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* But I don't care at all *

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* I was crying
the whole way *

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Ha-ha-ha!

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* See that Christmas tree *

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* All those kids in line *

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* All we see
is red and green *

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* And a few ugly
hate crimes *

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* Oh, jingle bells,
hear me yell *

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* Jewish gifts are dumb *

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* What's in the box?
Oh, it's just socks *

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* And not a paintball gun *

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* Jingle bells,
this is hell *

140
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* Hanukkah's so lame *

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* Compared to this,
it's like a bris *

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* Just chop my dick away *

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* Just chop *

144
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* Just chop *

145
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* Just chop my dick away *

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Look at these goys
lining up for a mall Santa.

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You're a bunch of idiots!

148
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Uh, excuse me, could you
keep your voice down?

149
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There are children here.

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Oh, do the children know
their "Santa"

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works at Home Depot?

152
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He makes keys.

153
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You know where
the real Santa is?

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He's dead!

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(gasping)
Captain Keys over there

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is pretending to be a dead guy.

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(slurps)

158
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You know what?
I'ma show everyone.

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I'ma get Santa's body
from the North Pole.

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Yep. That's what
I'm going to do.

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Don't drink my drink
while I'm gone.

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(all shouting)

163
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(slurred) Hey. Where --
Where are you all going?

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I told you Santa was dead.

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Don't you want to see
his dead body?

166
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Whoa!
There really is a Santa.

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Not anymore.

168
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Santa's so dumb. Look at --
Look at his dumb suit.

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Seems warm, though.

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I could use
something like this.

171
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I'm literally always cold.
I'm like a woman.

172
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(chuckles)
Hot take, Roger, hot take.

173
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What the hell,
I'm going to try it on.

174
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Was that the sesame chicken
I had earlier?

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Wait a minute.
Let's see if...

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**

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(gasps)
I think the suit

178
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turns whoever is
wearing it into Santa.

179
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But how can I be Santa?

180
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I'm Jewish.

181
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Could I be Jewish Santa
with Santa powers?

182
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Awesome!
Hey!

183
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,128
What the hell
are you doing?!

184
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,565
Shut up, key man!

185
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,867
There's a new
Santa Claus in town,

186
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and his name's...
Shmanta.

187
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Challah at Jew-boy!

188
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Hey, y'all.
It's me, Greg.

189
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,380
I'm here at
the Langley Falls Galleria

190
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,216
with breaking news so urgent
that I got called away from

191
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,053
a daytime rager
at my friend's new townhouse.

192
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,889
Santa Claus, yes,
the Santa Claus,

193
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,258
is slated to make
an historic announcement.

194
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,594
Speaking of announcements,
I kissed a woman earlier,

195
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and it wasn't weird.

196
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I thought
Santa was dead.

197
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:18,599
It's probably just
a crazy impostor,

198
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,433
but can you believe
the news about Greg?

199
00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:23,336
Why would it feel weird?
We were just having fun.

200
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:24,705
It was a rager.

201
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,439
He needs to relax.

202
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,441
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is the moment

203
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you've all been waiting for.

204
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,913
Santa Claus is real!

205
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,949
And he's Jewish!

206
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,084
(gasping)

207
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,619
(all gasp)
Of course.

208
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,789
(camera shutters clicking)

209
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:43,090
What are you doing?

210
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,258
All Hanukkah needs
is a Santa.

211
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,594
I'm putting us
on the map.

212
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,261
So, you're Santa?

213
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,964
I go by Shmanta because
I celebrate Hanukkah now.

214
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,465
Why, you might ask?
I didn't.

215
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,467
During Hanukkah,
you get eight days

216
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:55,969
of presents
instead of one.

217
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,971
That's eight times
better than Christmas,

218
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,574
and you get to sing
super catchy songs.

219
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,710
* Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel *

220
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,645
* I made you out of clay *

221
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,379
* Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel *

222
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,081
* I don't know how to play *

223
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:10,283
* Putzes, futzes, schmutzes *

224
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,952
* All are Jewish words *

225
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,921
* Schwimmer, Sandler,
Spielberg *

226
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,956
* All are Jewish nerds *

227
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,228
* So why do you need Christmas *

228
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:23,130
* When you have Hanukkah? *

229
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,832
* Shmanta Claus is coming *

230
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:27,400
* For girls named Monica *

231
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,069
* Monica on "Friends"
was Jewish *

232
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,639
* So I assume that
that's a Jewish name, right? *

233
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,742
(crowd cheers)

234
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,509
This is so cool.

235
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:40,013
Look at me.
I'm Rob Reiner!

236
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:43,316
So, kids, if you want presents
from Shmanta this year,

237
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,519
don't put out milk and cookies,
put out lox and bagels.

238
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:49,422
And call your mother.
She's very worried about you.

239
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,860
And from Shmanta's
home to yours,

240
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:57,164
I say, oy, oy, oy,
happy Hanukkah!

241
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:03,871
**

242
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:06,039
Roger.

243
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:09,276
No luck?

244
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,477
I went to six stores,

245
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,379
but I couldn't find
any Christmas ornaments.

246
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:13,947
It's all
Hanukkah stuff now.

247
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,049
ROGER: Well, now you know
how it feels.

248
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,284
Aaah!

249
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:20,020
Just doing a practice run
'cause I'm Santa now.

250
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,222
Did you know your chimney
is full of dead birds?

251
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,390
How are you
pulling this off?

252
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,193
Apparently, this suit gives me
all the Christmas magic

253
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,161
that Santa had,
so I can do this.

254
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,463
Oh, dang.

255
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:33,000
He turned the tree
into that Jewish pitch fork.

256
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,835
So, since Christmas
sucks now,

257
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:37,905
you want to do my thing,
get balls deep into Hanukkah?

258
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:40,040
Roger, we have nothing
against Hanukkah,

259
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,875
but we celebrate Christmas.

260
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,878
Wow. Okay.
I'm reeling.

261
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,580
Pardon my loud hand talking,
but I'm Jewish now,

262
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:50,017
and I'm hearing you're
not willing to give up Christmas

263
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,351
based on what I'm doing?

264
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:54,554
Well, feh, feh,
feh, feh, and feh.

265
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,489
I'm going
to the South Pole.

266
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,926
That's what I'm calling
my new headquarters in Miami.

267
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,393
(bell rings)

268
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,330
(bells jingling)

269
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,268
Cool sleigh, huh?

270
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,870
I cut the top off a Lambo

271
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:11,371
and hired
the University of Miami

272
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:12,940
cheer team
as my reindeer.

273
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,676
We've got Shmasher and Shmencer
and Shpencer and Shmixon,

274
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,780
Shmomet and Shmooped
and Shmonner and Shvitzen.

275
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,083
But do you recall the most
Jewish reindeer of all?

276
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,352
(high-pitched beeping)

277
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:26,453
Guess what his name is.

278
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,588
Shmoodolf.
How'd you know?

279
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:36,263
**

280
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,265
Great work, guys.
This party is going to

281
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,967
blow Christmas
out of the water.

282
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,735
Love the latke station
over here.

283
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,703
We got the Manischewitz
open bar, there.

284
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:46,239
Nice. And we got
the kiddie pool full of oil

285
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,041
for the Hanukkah hunks
to wrestle in.

286
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,409
Oil wrestling?
Yeah.

287
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,912
Hanukkah is all about oil.
Read the Torah much?

288
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,981
Hey.
Six-pointed stars!

289
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,148
That's one more
than Christmas.

290
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,450
Good looking out.
But why stop there?

291
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,219
Let's get some more
points on those things.

292
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,954
Make them look
like saw blades.

293
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,122
That's the Star of David.

294
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,291
David?
Screw that guy.

295
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:05,759
Wait, should I screw
that guy?

296
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,094
Put out some
feelers to David.

297
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:08,628
See if he's DTF.
Yeah.

298
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,263
David is not DTF

299
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,165
because he's been dead
for 4,000 years.

300
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:13,400
Done worse.

301
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,668
(whispering)
I (bleep) a chicken.

302
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:19,572
(dance music playing)

303
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,441
Hey. This is the biggest
party of the year.

304
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,076
Why are people
waiting outside?

305
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,512
I'm checking the list.
That's Santa shit.

306
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:29,182
Let everybody in, except
for these Christmas creeps.

307
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,851
They'll definitely
want a piece of me

308
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,585
now that I'm
bigger than Jesus.

309
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,321
Also, no Lebron James.

310
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,356
That asshole
broke Miami's heart.

311
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:40,027
Oh, crap, it's Lebron.
Lebron, get in here.

312
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:43,530
(dance music playing)

313
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:47,868
**

314
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:52,272
**

315
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,341
Dude, we did it!

316
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,343
Hanukkah is number one now!

317
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,711
Yeah.
So, it's sundown.

318
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,147
Maybe we should
light the menorah.

319
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:02,983
Ah, that's Christmas shit.
Let's get laid!

320
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:06,453
It's just that the whole
point of Hanukkah is --

321
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:09,957
Me dropping the bomb about
our surprise musical guest?

322
00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:12,192
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome

323
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,028
to the stage
a Jewish music legend,

324
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,997
Enrique Iglesias!

325
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,199
(cheers and applause)

326
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:22,002
Shalom, Miami!

327
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,904
* Enrique Iglesias *

328
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,672
* Enrique Iglesias *

329
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:27,307
Everybody!

330
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,142
ROGER:
That's Enrique Iglesias?

331
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,344
I guess I always mix him up
with Ricky Martin.

332
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,481
Look at me!

333
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:35,715
(snorts)

334
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,352
I'm king of the Jews!

335
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,520
Aah!

336
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,422
(thud)
I'm okay!

337
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,924
I landed right in the oil.

338
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,159
It's a Hanukkah miracle.

339
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:52,832
**

340
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,535
I couldn't find red or green
sprinkles at the store,

341
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,504
so I decorated these
cookies with ketchup

342
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:58,872
and pureed spinach.

343
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,340
Enjoy.

344
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,243
Well, even though this may not
be the best Christmas,

345
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,946
at least we're all
together, or whatever.

346
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,548
I kind of miss Roger.
Oh, my God.

347
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,583
Is this what his foot
actually looks like?

348
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,086
Sometimes we forget Roger is
a straight-up monster.

349
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,555
You have to help me
take down your uncle.

350
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,857
Um, do we not
lock the door?

351
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,527
But everyone is celebrating
Hanukkah now. Aren't you happy?

352
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,130
No! Not when it's
turned into Shmanta

353
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,698
rolling blunts with
pages of the Torah.

354
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:28,268
I just want my boring
Hanukkah again.

355
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,804
Sorry, Snot. The only person who
can stop Shmanta is Santa,

356
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,907
and he's not coming back.

357
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,576
Actually,
there may be a way.

358
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:40,580
**

359
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,284
Oh, my God. P.F. Chung's
has a side business

360
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,453
storing corpses
they find in the mall?

361
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:49,389
So, there are writings
in the Book of Creation

362
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,992
about how to
reanimate a body.

363
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:54,962
You can bring
the dead back to life?

364
00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:57,497
Snot,
you little rascal,

365
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,000
I thought we told
each other everything.

366
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,169
The book says we can
activate golems

367
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:05,005
by highlighting letters
of the Hebrew alphabet

368
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,440
and reciting the 10 Sefirot.

369
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,442
Now we just need this.

370
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,611
Oh, my God.
Is that blood?

371
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:13,013
Yeah. Calm down.

372
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,082
Keter.

373
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,849
Hokhmah.

374
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,318
Binah.

375
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,987
Is he speaking Jewish?

376
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,255
Is that a language?
Shh!

377
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,591
Are you shushing me
because you want me to be quiet,

378
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,659
or because you don't know?

379
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,828
Shh!

380
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,665
Shekhinah.

381
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,002
(groans)

382
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:36,169
It worked.

383
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,371
Santa, I know we've had
our differences,

384
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:39,772
but we need your help.

385
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,441
(groans)

386
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,344
Santa, are you okay?

387
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,279
(groans)

388
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:49,449
Oh, my God. You turned
Santa into a Frankenstein!

389
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:51,318
Oh, my God.

390
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:53,120
Snot's a witch!

391
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,721
Burn him!

392
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,830
So, Santa, you
don't remember me?

393
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:06,333
(groans)

394
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,468
We need you
to save Christmas.

395
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:11,038
Christmas?

396
00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,572
This is a lost cause.

397
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,142
Your Uncle Roger only got
his Hanukkah powers

398
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,077
after putting on
that Santa suit.

399
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,679
Maybe Santa just
needs his suit back.

400
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:22,182
Suit?
He knows the word!

401
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:25,152
Suit? Suit! Suit!

402
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:26,986
That's it!
We need to go to Miami

403
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,521
to get that suit from Roger,

404
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:31,158
and, maybe after, we can
take birthday shots for Jesus

405
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:33,393
on the crystal dance floor
at Club Bardot.

406
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:36,529
Dad, you little
party animal.

407
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,332
Who else has a surprise
up their sleeve?

408
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,706
Snot?

409
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,608
Enrique?

410
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,043
Reindeer people?

411
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,744
Where is everyone?

412
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,880
Shmanta, the Smiths
are at the door.

413
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,082
What?
(glass shatters)

414
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,249
Why didn't
you let them in?

415
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,784
Well, you told us
to keep them out.

416
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,552
That was before they
learned their lesson,

417
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,088
which they clearly
now learned.

418
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,356
Let them in!

419
00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,859
What's up, dicks?
Welcome to the South Pole.

420
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,395
Bring it in.
Bring it in.

421
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:09,862
I'm not mad at you,
dicks.

422
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:12,565
Roger, we're not staying.
We just came for your suit.

423
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,567
-What?
-Just do what they say,

424
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,969
and give them your suit,
Mr. Uncle Roger.

425
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,639
No. I'm never giving up
being Shmanta!

426
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:20,807
Fair enough.

427
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:23,376
Will you at least accept
our parting Hanukkah gift?

428
00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:31,118
Oh, is that
a Razor scooter?

429
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,286
Aaah!

430
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,556
Santa?
Suit!

431
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,125
(punk rock "Jingle Bells"
plays )
Elves, attack!

432
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:39,592
I'm here
for you, Shmanta!

433
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:40,893
-Aaah!
-Aaah!

434
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:43,596
* Oh, what fun it is to ride *

435
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,565
* In a one-horse open sleigh *

436
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:46,599
Hey!

437
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,602
* Jingle bells, jingle bells *

438
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,271
* Jingle all the way *
Aaah!

439
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:52,572
(straining)
* Oh, what fun *

440
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,474
Ooh!
* It is to ride *

441
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:57,444
* In a one-horse open sleigh *

442
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,246
* Dashing through the snow *
Hey, Santa.

443
00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:01,248
* In a one-horse open sleigh *
(groans)

444
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:02,682
Oil be back.

445
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,451
* O'er the fields we go *

446
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:06,786
* Laughing all the way *

447
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:07,787
* The way *

448
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,356
* Bells on bobtails ring *

449
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:10,990
Oh, my God.
Roger, are you going to to --

450
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,625
I'm lighting
this bitch up.

451
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,595
* What fun it is
to ride and sing *

452
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,597
* A sleighing song tonight *

453
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:21,000
* Oh, jingle bells,
jingle bells *

454
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,170
* Jingle all the way *

455
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,538
* Oh, what fun it is to ride *

456
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,175
* In a one-horse open sleigh *

457
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:29,209
* Hey *

458
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,711
* Jingle bells, jingle bells *

459
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,649
Thank God Santa
is finally dead.

460
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:38,050
Oh, cool, a hand.

461
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,118
Aah!

462
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:41,488
(screaming)

463
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:48,861
**

464
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:49,996
I'm back!

465
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:51,498
And you're dead.

466
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:55,968
You have your suit now, Santa.
Let's just call a truce.

467
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,505
You're forgetting
who I am, Smith.

468
00:18:58,605 --> 00:19:01,308
I'm Santa.
I don't do truces.

469
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:04,344
That's the one thing
every kid knows about me.

470
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,846
That...and that
I shoot lightning!

471
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:10,049
**

472
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,318
The (bleep) is this?

473
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:12,652
Head for the sleigh!

474
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,487
(grunting)

475
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,590
Why did you save me?

476
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:18,991
Santa has his suit now,

477
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:20,860
so you've got your
precious Christmas back.

478
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,696
It wasn't just Christmas
we wanted back, Roger.

479
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,097
It was you.

480
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:28,668
Maybe I didn't want you guys
to care about Hanukkah.

481
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:31,371
I just wanted you
to care about me.

482
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,039
That's why we came,
you idiot.

483
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:34,941
Now get your reindeer
to fly us out of here.

484
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:37,544
Uh, we can't fly
without Hanukkah magic.

485
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,579
Before I was abducted,
I was just a college student

486
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,548
trying to get my
exercise science degree

487
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:42,949
from the University of Miami.

488
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,251
ALL: The "U."

489
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:47,053
(screaming)

490
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:50,257
(trilling tongue)

491
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,091
Oh, God,
we're sitting ducks!

492
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,594
Don't worry. I may not have
Christmas magic any more,

493
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,095
but I do have the key.

494
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,697
(engine starts)

495
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:58,931
(screaming)

496
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,770
Damn it.
I'll get you, Smiths.

497
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:07,039
What the hell is with
all these weird stars?!

498
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:13,313
STEVE: Maybe next Christmas,
no one will die.

499
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,781
(laughter)

500
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,082
HAYLEY: Yeah, right.

501
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,320
**

502
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:23,990
Guys, I can't believe
you went to Miami without me.

503
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:27,260
I know people. I could have
gotten us Marlins tickets.

504
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,429
Back row of the bleachers, baby.

505
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,964
Okay. Now,
are you guys ready

506
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,300
for your
Christmas present?

507
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,634
How'd you have time
to shop?

508
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,936
This is a gift I was
born with...

509
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:38,805
my dance!

510
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,273
Pbhhhhht!

511
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,775
Unh-eh-eh-eh.
Whoa.

512
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:44,744
Unh-eh-eh-eh.

513
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:45,978
Unh-eh-eh-eh.

514
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:49,181
So, you want to get Chinese
food and watch a movie?

515
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,784
Of course, mom.
It's tradition.

516
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,185
Unh! Unh!
Oh, yeah.

517
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:54,321
Unh-eh.

518
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:57,357
Now, here's a little move
I call the Hatchimal.

519
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,758
Whoo!

520
00:20:58,858 --> 00:20:59,792
(Smiths screaming)

521
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:02,161
Oh, grow up, everyone.

522
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,163
Bye!
Have a great time!

523
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,000
-- Captions by VITA --