1
00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:04,409
Ooh, what about the line
where the guy says,
2
00:00:04,444 --> 00:00:05,938
"Dude, where's my car?"
3
00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:08,741
Oh, yeah!
4
00:00:08,743 --> 00:00:10,543
I forgot that line.
5
00:00:10,545 --> 00:00:12,611
So classic.
6
00:00:13,158 --> 00:00:14,714
He's like, "Uh, dude?"
7
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,082
"Where's my car?"
8
00:00:19,570 --> 00:00:20,835
Enough!
9
00:00:20,837 --> 00:00:22,837
Look, I love, "Dude, Where's My Car?"
10
00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,051
as much as all of you.
11
00:00:24,078 --> 00:00:25,708
- Impossible.
- And there is certainly
12
00:00:25,710 --> 00:00:28,510
no greater line of
dialogue in cinema history
13
00:00:28,512 --> 00:00:30,178
than that titular line.
14
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:33,115
Okay, maybe you are a true fan.
15
00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:35,918
But I am trying to
study for the P-PSATs.
16
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:39,254
Well, you already got the first
question wrong, Gine-Stein.
17
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:40,989
It's called the PSATs.
18
00:00:40,991 --> 00:00:44,659
No, Hayley, I'm taking the pre-pre-SATs,
19
00:00:44,661 --> 00:00:47,396
because you can never
be too pre-prepared.
20
00:00:47,398 --> 00:00:48,997
Which is why, this weekend,
21
00:00:48,999 --> 00:00:50,733
I'll be at the downtown
testing center...
22
00:00:50,735 --> 00:00:53,468
Oh, no. There's no way my only boy child
23
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,138
and the keeper of the Smith
family name is going downtown.
24
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:57,539
It's too dangerous.
25
00:00:57,541 --> 00:00:58,741
Haven't you heard of Jack the Ripper?
26
00:00:58,743 --> 00:01:00,142
That was in London.
27
00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:01,944
Yeah, downtown London.
28
00:01:01,946 --> 00:01:05,547
Steve, downtown is always the
most dangerous part of any city.
29
00:01:05,549 --> 00:01:06,949
That's why they push it down.
30
00:01:06,951 --> 00:01:09,551
But if I don't take the P-PSATs,
31
00:01:09,553 --> 00:01:11,353
my life will amount to nothing.
32
00:01:11,355 --> 00:01:12,887
Steve, you'll be fine.
33
00:01:12,889 --> 00:01:15,357
- I didn't take any of those tests.
- Exactly.
34
00:01:15,359 --> 00:01:17,892
I don't want to be a loser
who was twice kicked off
35
00:01:17,894 --> 00:01:19,828
a city bus for watching
"Monday Night Raw"
36
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:21,296
too loud on her cellphone.
37
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:22,697
Hey, that happened to me.
38
00:01:22,699 --> 00:01:25,100
Wha... Are you talking about me,
you little jerk?
39
00:01:25,102 --> 00:01:27,836
Steve's right.
He's this family's last hope.
40
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,704
We need him to succeed.
41
00:01:29,706 --> 00:01:31,574
Hayley,
you have to drive him to the test.
42
00:01:31,576 --> 00:01:33,375
I'd do it, but Saturdays are for me.
43
00:01:33,377 --> 00:01:35,844
I don't want to hang out
with this dork all Saturday.
44
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:38,847
Besides, I give Jeff
a bath on Saturdays.
45
00:01:39,916 --> 00:01:40,915
Nyo!
46
00:01:40,917 --> 00:01:42,384
I'm sorry, Hayley, your request
47
00:01:42,386 --> 00:01:44,519
to not drive Steve has been denied.
48
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,388
Jeff can shower with me on Friday night.
49
00:01:46,390 --> 00:01:49,924
Now, to prepare you two,
it's time for my patented rules
50
00:01:49,926 --> 00:01:51,926
for surviving downtown.
51
00:01:51,928 --> 00:01:55,330
♪ Stan's patented rules
for surviving downtown ♪
52
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:57,332
First rule... when you get downtown,
53
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:59,734
keep your eyes on the ground
and your head on a swivel.
54
00:01:59,736 --> 00:02:01,069
If my eyes are on the ground,
55
00:02:01,071 --> 00:02:02,671
how do I keep my head on a swivel?
56
00:02:02,673 --> 00:02:04,139
Doesn't matter, because the third rule
57
00:02:04,141 --> 00:02:06,709
is to do helicopter arms, like this.
58
00:02:07,678 --> 00:02:09,011
- Aah!
- Fourth rule...
59
00:02:09,013 --> 00:02:11,413
if anyone gets close to you,
swallow your wallet.
60
00:02:11,415 --> 00:02:13,882
Then, when they reach their
whole arm down your throat,
61
00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:15,350
you can bite it off.
62
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,886
And that's how you protect
your Ricky Mountain
63
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,456
Fudge Chocolate Shoppe Rewards Card.
64
00:02:23,427 --> 00:02:26,028
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
65
00:02:26,030 --> 00:02:29,964
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
66
00:02:29,966 --> 00:02:32,968
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
67
00:02:32,970 --> 00:02:37,606
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
68
00:02:39,109 --> 00:02:42,645
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
69
00:02:42,647 --> 00:02:45,247
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
70
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:46,348
Aah!
71
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,252
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
72
00:02:53,655 --> 00:02:54,990
What are you doing with your hands?
73
00:02:54,992 --> 00:02:57,726
I'm visualizing filling
out the Scantron.
74
00:02:57,728 --> 00:02:59,994
Please be silent. I need to focus.
75
00:02:59,996 --> 00:03:01,864
I've only got four hours
before the test starts.
76
00:03:01,866 --> 00:03:04,066
What?! Why are we going so early?
77
00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:05,934
I brought a lavender diffuser.
78
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:08,737
Takes a while for the
scent to permeate the room.
79
00:03:08,739 --> 00:03:10,839
Oh, pull off here.
I have to get a coffee.
80
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,341
We're not even out of the suburbs yet.
81
00:03:12,343 --> 00:03:15,009
- Just get a coffee downtown.
- Are you crazy?
82
00:03:15,011 --> 00:03:18,547
The last three kids to get a
perfect score on their P-PSATs
83
00:03:18,549 --> 00:03:20,082
drank a caramel macchiato
84
00:03:20,084 --> 00:03:22,417
from the Starbucks in this neighborhood.
85
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:23,752
Fine. But after this,
86
00:03:23,754 --> 00:03:25,487
I am dropping you downtown,
87
00:03:25,489 --> 00:03:29,291
parking the van, and getting
after that vape life, ya heard?
88
00:03:29,870 --> 00:03:31,493
Son of a vape!
89
00:03:34,098 --> 00:03:36,765
Please tell me you know
how to change a tire.
90
00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:38,300
Yeah, it's easy. First I get my phone
91
00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,035
out of the car, and then I call AAA.
92
00:03:41,171 --> 00:03:43,906
Did you lock the car?!
The keys are in there.
93
00:03:43,908 --> 00:03:47,576
Why would you leave the
keys to the car in the car?
94
00:03:47,578 --> 00:03:49,111
They're the car's keys.
95
00:03:49,113 --> 00:03:51,246
I'm not carrying his
shit around for him.
96
00:03:51,248 --> 00:03:52,915
Oh, my God. I'm gonna miss my test
97
00:03:52,917 --> 00:03:54,649
because my sister's an idiot.
98
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,184
Let's just knock on someone's door,
99
00:03:56,186 --> 00:03:58,653
call AAA, and get back on the road.
100
00:03:58,655 --> 00:03:59,755
That house looks cool.
101
00:04:01,858 --> 00:04:04,326
Did you even look at
any of the other houses?
102
00:04:08,096 --> 00:04:09,264
_
103
00:04:09,266 --> 00:04:10,999
No answer. They're in trouble
104
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,068
or, more likely, already dead.
105
00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:15,003
I have to go downtown
and recover their bodies.
106
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,272
Did somebody say "downtown"?
107
00:04:17,274 --> 00:04:19,207
I love downtown.
108
00:04:19,209 --> 00:04:20,609
I'm a downtown boy.
109
00:04:20,611 --> 00:04:22,611
Haven't been in 30 years 'cause I'm down
110
00:04:22,613 --> 00:04:24,079
30 large to my friend Guzzo.
111
00:04:24,081 --> 00:04:26,148
- No, Roger, this is serious.
- Very serious.
112
00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:28,951
Guzzo does not forget
when someone owes him.
113
00:04:28,953 --> 00:04:31,219
But I can probably drop in
without word getting back
114
00:04:31,221 --> 00:04:33,088
to the old Guzzmeister that his pal
115
00:04:33,090 --> 00:04:35,090
Yakoub McGruder is back in town.
116
00:04:35,092 --> 00:04:36,425
Let's ride, Franny.
117
00:04:36,427 --> 00:04:39,027
Okay, but I got to get home
before dinner
118
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,830
to finish stirring this water.
119
00:04:47,404 --> 00:04:48,604
The kick is good!
120
00:04:48,606 --> 00:04:49,871
Grootzey scores.
121
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,206
Hayley, quit goofin' around.
122
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,375
Hey, hate the silly, not the goose.
123
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:58,079
Whoa, sick topliary.
124
00:04:58,081 --> 00:05:00,816
Hi, my sister's basically a monkey,
125
00:05:00,818 --> 00:05:02,284
and she locked our keys in the car.
126
00:05:02,286 --> 00:05:05,621
Can we use your phone and
maybe a banana for her?
127
00:05:05,623 --> 00:05:07,956
I'm sorry about this rude little baby.
128
00:05:07,958 --> 00:05:10,826
I'm babysitting him because
he's a stupid little baby.
129
00:05:10,828 --> 00:05:12,894
But I will take that banana.
130
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,296
Oh, that's hysterical.
131
00:05:15,298 --> 00:05:16,298
Come on in.
132
00:05:18,502 --> 00:05:19,901
I'm Sheila Cornhole,
133
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:22,037
and this is the Mitchell & Webb
134
00:05:22,039 --> 00:05:23,973
glam fam sales force.
135
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,908
Forgive my naivete,
but what's Mitchell & Webb?
136
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:31,112
We sell eyeliner, lipstick,
skin cream, and opportunity.
137
00:05:31,114 --> 00:05:34,984
I have to say, I think you two
would make a great addition
138
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,318
to the exciting bottom tier
139
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,520
of our pyramid-shaped business scheme.
140
00:05:38,522 --> 00:05:39,655
Just the phone, lady.
141
00:05:39,657 --> 00:05:41,190
It's in the back.
142
00:05:42,726 --> 00:05:43,993
Your sister might not care,
143
00:05:43,995 --> 00:05:45,594
but you'd be silly not to take care
144
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,263
- of that beautiful skin of yours.
- It's radiant!
145
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:51,466
Oh, I wish I could cut it off
and slap it on my own face!
146
00:05:51,468 --> 00:05:54,003
Oh, that's an interesting compliment.
147
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,205
Oh, Franny, you're gonna love downtown.
148
00:05:56,207 --> 00:05:58,139
Every block is full of grime.
149
00:05:58,141 --> 00:06:00,275
There's peep shows, wank palaces,
150
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,878
and stroke domes as
far as the eye can see.
151
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,746
I don't know, Roger.
152
00:06:04,748 --> 00:06:06,147
I can see pretty far.
153
00:06:06,149 --> 00:06:08,349
But there's one blo-jo dojo
154
00:06:08,351 --> 00:06:12,354
that rises above the rest...
Guzzo's Jerkaporium on 29th.
155
00:06:13,318 --> 00:06:14,756
Alright, cool the chitchat.
156
00:06:14,758 --> 00:06:16,625
We're downtown. You know the rules.
157
00:06:16,627 --> 00:06:20,362
Eyes on the ground,
head on a swivel, helicopter arms.
158
00:06:25,388 --> 00:06:26,435
Mugger!
159
00:06:26,688 --> 00:06:27,703
Hi there.
160
00:06:27,705 --> 00:06:30,039
I can tell by the way you're
swallowing your wallet
161
00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:32,574
that you haven't been downtown recently.
162
00:06:32,576 --> 00:06:33,842
Yeah, so?
163
00:06:33,844 --> 00:06:35,244
I'm an official downtown greeter,
164
00:06:35,246 --> 00:06:37,246
and I'm here to put you at ease.
165
00:06:37,248 --> 00:06:39,848
Downtown's all cleaned up now.
166
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,119
No, no, no, no, no, no.
167
00:06:44,121 --> 00:06:45,520
Where's all the grime?
168
00:06:45,522 --> 00:06:46,922
What'd you do with the grime?
169
00:06:46,924 --> 00:06:50,392
It's gone, thanks to gentrification.
170
00:06:50,394 --> 00:06:52,461
Some people don't like that word,
171
00:06:52,463 --> 00:06:55,831
but it's okay because they
don't live here anymore.
172
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,534
He's stealing that bike. Pimp.
173
00:06:59,536 --> 00:07:00,736
No pimps downtown!
174
00:07:00,738 --> 00:07:01,937
These bikes are free!
175
00:07:01,939 --> 00:07:04,139
Courtesy of the city!
176
00:07:04,601 --> 00:07:07,008
Huh. Maybe downtown's changing.
177
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,278
- A rat!
- Maybe not.
178
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:12,314
No, look how well-dressed he is.
179
00:07:13,617 --> 00:07:15,884
Downtown's changing.
180
00:07:16,448 --> 00:07:19,220
Thanks, girls.
I'll hit you up when I need refills.
181
00:07:19,222 --> 00:07:21,490
Phew! Good thing we broke
down here in the suburbs.
182
00:07:21,492 --> 00:07:25,360
Dad says AAA won't even go downtown.
183
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:26,495
Mmm. Damn.
184
00:07:26,497 --> 00:07:28,163
This banana is tasty.
185
00:07:28,165 --> 00:07:31,300
Shoot. I left my lucky
test pencil in there.
186
00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:35,437
Sheila? Tracy?
187
00:07:35,439 --> 00:07:37,372
Just looking for my pencil.
188
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:41,042
Collette? Beatrix? McKayla? Dawn?
189
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,244
Fawn? Grover? Fingers?
190
00:07:43,246 --> 00:07:45,514
That's weird. Where'd they all go?
191
00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:49,050
Chomper, is that you?
192
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,120
This is what happens when you don't meet
193
00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:53,388
your sales goals, Tracy.
194
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,324
I didn't have time. My family...
195
00:07:55,832 --> 00:07:58,059
We're your family, Tracy,
196
00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:01,663
and I am sorry for our loss.
197
00:08:01,665 --> 00:08:03,199
Do it, Chomper.
198
00:08:13,877 --> 00:08:15,277
Oh, my God!
199
00:08:15,279 --> 00:08:17,213
Why did they do that to Tracy?
200
00:08:17,215 --> 00:08:20,015
Maybe her fetish was
getting shot in the brains.
201
00:08:20,017 --> 00:08:22,418
Maybe we saw something wonderful.
202
00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:24,886
Hey! You two can hide in my house.
203
00:08:26,624 --> 00:08:28,424
Fan out and find those kids.
204
00:08:28,426 --> 00:08:31,827
Don't let them get out
of Langley Meadows alive.
205
00:08:38,035 --> 00:08:39,301
Down here.
206
00:08:43,307 --> 00:08:45,707
Who's there? Please help us.
207
00:08:45,709 --> 00:08:47,242
What the...?
208
00:08:47,244 --> 00:08:48,977
Do you guys live down here?
209
00:08:48,979 --> 00:08:50,245
Oh, yeah.
210
00:08:50,247 --> 00:08:51,647
You ever been to Tokyo?
211
00:08:51,649 --> 00:08:53,649
Those cool new pod hotels?
212
00:08:53,651 --> 00:08:54,916
That's what this is.
213
00:08:54,918 --> 00:08:56,318
- Cool.
- No, you idiot.
214
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,386
We're enslaved. Unlock our cages.
215
00:08:58,388 --> 00:08:59,988
What's going on down there?
216
00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:01,389
The key's on the wall. Quick.
217
00:09:01,391 --> 00:09:04,527
I still think I can get it
with my chicken-bone thingy.
218
00:09:06,063 --> 00:09:07,996
Yes, we're saved.
219
00:09:07,998 --> 00:09:10,932
So I see you found my collection.
220
00:09:10,934 --> 00:09:12,230
Aah!
221
00:09:14,138 --> 00:09:15,603
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
222
00:09:15,605 --> 00:09:17,939
The keys! Just throw us the keys!
223
00:09:17,941 --> 00:09:19,875
Back in business.
224
00:09:19,877 --> 00:09:21,209
Just stop, Jerry.
225
00:09:21,211 --> 00:09:23,679
What else am I gonna do, Gabriel?
226
00:09:23,681 --> 00:09:26,214
Apparently,
there's a brunch spot up here
227
00:09:26,216 --> 00:09:28,350
that serves eggs Benedict in a shovel.
228
00:09:28,352 --> 00:09:29,951
Do you get to keep the shovel?
229
00:09:29,953 --> 00:09:31,487
- You have to.
- Hush up, both of ya.
230
00:09:31,489 --> 00:09:34,289
We're now in the heart
of the old Jerkin' District.
231
00:09:34,291 --> 00:09:36,492
This is where all the jerking was.
232
00:09:36,494 --> 00:09:39,094
They used to have to
chisel the walls clean.
233
00:09:39,096 --> 00:09:41,297
It was like the Golden Gate Bridge.
234
00:09:41,299 --> 00:09:43,365
By the time you got
done cleaning one end,
235
00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:45,401
it was time to start on the other.
236
00:09:47,672 --> 00:09:50,306
Look. The pervs are all still lined up,
237
00:09:50,308 --> 00:09:52,774
which means just around the corner is
238
00:09:52,776 --> 00:09:56,178
Guzzo's Jerka...
Quality Coffee Roasters?
239
00:09:57,648 --> 00:09:59,581
Who the hell are you? Where's Guzzo?
240
00:09:59,583 --> 00:10:01,317
- I'm Tryler.
- Downtown's changing.
241
00:10:01,319 --> 00:10:03,919
I own this slow-roast,
drip-pour, dry-aged coffee shop.
242
00:10:03,921 --> 00:10:05,521
All the coffee is single-origin,
243
00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:07,789
and the gelato is 100% artisanal.
244
00:10:07,791 --> 00:10:10,592
Art Penishole?
Is he still kicking around?
245
00:10:10,594 --> 00:10:12,660
Finally, a name from the past.
246
00:10:12,662 --> 00:10:15,431
You said "artisanal."
I knew it right from the start.
247
00:10:17,401 --> 00:10:20,736
I'm so sorry, sir,
but this table is taken.
248
00:10:20,738 --> 00:10:22,804
- Table?
- Yes, this hydrant
249
00:10:22,806 --> 00:10:26,542
- is a micro-restaurant, and we are fully booked.
- DTC!
250
00:10:26,544 --> 00:10:28,877
That stands for "downtown's changing."
251
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:30,145
Everyone downtown is saying...
252
00:10:30,147 --> 00:10:31,714
- I get it!
- I get it, too.
253
00:10:34,484 --> 00:10:35,884
A senior center.
254
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:38,086
We can get help there.
255
00:10:39,955 --> 00:10:43,025
Okay, we've got an '88 Skylark.
256
00:10:43,027 --> 00:10:44,560
Gladys.
257
00:10:44,562 --> 00:10:48,964
Which means you'll be
having sex with Martin!
258
00:10:48,966 --> 00:10:50,966
What exactly is happening here?
259
00:10:50,968 --> 00:10:52,634
We're swapping partners and F'ing.
260
00:10:52,636 --> 00:10:54,502
You want in? Just so you know,
261
00:10:54,504 --> 00:10:56,171
nothing really works down there anymore,
262
00:10:56,173 --> 00:10:58,506
so we just kind of smoosh
everything together.
263
00:10:58,508 --> 00:10:59,908
Good God.
264
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:02,578
What the [BLEEP] is going
on in this neighborhood?
265
00:11:02,904 --> 00:11:04,780
Prepare to die!
266
00:11:04,782 --> 00:11:06,147
Say no more.
267
00:11:07,117 --> 00:11:08,584
Steve, the keys.
268
00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:13,137
Oh, God! Wrinkles!
269
00:11:17,127 --> 00:11:18,727
Let's try that one.
270
00:11:21,331 --> 00:11:23,331
It's a Buick. I need keys to a Buick.
271
00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:24,466
They're all Buicks!
272
00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:26,335
Hurry, Steve.
273
00:11:28,672 --> 00:11:30,205
Try these.
274
00:11:51,279 --> 00:11:52,294
We lost her.
275
00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:54,362
♪ We ain't gonna die ♪
276
00:11:54,364 --> 00:11:56,364
♪ We gonna live forever ♪
277
00:11:59,369 --> 00:12:02,304
♪ Why are we stopped
on the train tracks? ♪
278
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,106
She must've shot the engine.
279
00:12:05,443 --> 00:12:07,209
Jump!
280
00:12:08,245 --> 00:12:10,246
Whoo! Got one.
281
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:13,915
Oh, thank God.
282
00:12:13,917 --> 00:12:16,051
A police station.
283
00:12:16,053 --> 00:12:17,519
So, let me get this straight.
284
00:12:17,521 --> 00:12:19,187
You watched as a vicious gang
285
00:12:19,189 --> 00:12:20,856
of middle-aged makeup saleswomen
286
00:12:20,858 --> 00:12:23,792
murdered a soccer mom in cold blood?
287
00:12:23,794 --> 00:12:25,861
That's right, Chief. And it was all run
288
00:12:25,863 --> 00:12:28,797
by an evil mastermind
named Sheila Cornhole.
289
00:12:28,799 --> 00:12:32,134
I never did trust
people who wear makeup.
290
00:12:32,136 --> 00:12:34,336
It's like, what are ya hiding, lady?
291
00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:36,872
What are ya hiding, clown?
292
00:12:36,874 --> 00:12:40,142
We're gonna need to know what
this Cornhole looks like.
293
00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:42,945
Here's paper and a pencil.
294
00:12:42,947 --> 00:12:44,212
You want me to draw it?
295
00:12:44,214 --> 00:12:46,214
Yeah, our sketch artist went missing.
296
00:12:46,216 --> 00:12:47,415
Keep an eye out for him.
297
00:12:47,417 --> 00:12:49,084
He looks like that.
298
00:12:49,086 --> 00:12:50,552
I did that one.
299
00:12:50,554 --> 00:12:52,154
See? Not so hard.
300
00:12:52,156 --> 00:12:54,756
You start drawing,
and I'm gonna go put an APB out
301
00:12:54,758 --> 00:12:57,226
on this Cornhole character.
302
00:12:59,763 --> 00:13:02,364
Okay, there's still time
to get to my test.
303
00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:03,499
What? No.
304
00:13:03,501 --> 00:13:04,766
You can't go back out there.
305
00:13:04,768 --> 00:13:07,102
Those women have Uzis, Steve.
306
00:13:07,104 --> 00:13:09,637
I haven't seen one of those things
since "Rush Hour 2."
307
00:13:09,639 --> 00:13:12,240
Who knows what else they have?
They could have Jackie Chan.
308
00:13:12,242 --> 00:13:13,575
That test is important.
309
00:13:13,577 --> 00:13:15,177
Important enough to die for?
310
00:13:15,179 --> 00:13:17,513
Forget about your stupid test.
311
00:13:17,515 --> 00:13:20,115
You only think it's stupid
because you never took it,
312
00:13:20,117 --> 00:13:23,585
just like you never went to a
real college or got a real job.
313
00:13:23,587 --> 00:13:25,321
Oh, SubHub isn't real?
314
00:13:25,323 --> 00:13:27,255
Then why do I have all this turkey
315
00:13:27,257 --> 00:13:28,724
underneath my fingernails?
316
00:13:33,971 --> 00:13:35,663
Sheila, it's me.
317
00:13:35,665 --> 00:13:37,733
I found the kids you're looking for.
318
00:13:37,735 --> 00:13:40,202
Wait. Who's in the car with you?
319
00:13:40,204 --> 00:13:42,538
Oh, I know that's not a book on tape.
320
00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:45,207
It's Chomper. I know her laugh.
321
00:13:45,209 --> 00:13:47,142
Because I don't trust her.
322
00:13:47,144 --> 00:13:50,145
She calls me the Queef of Police.
323
00:13:50,147 --> 00:13:54,250
There's no way she could
mean that in a nice way.
324
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:00,822
Am I late for the test?
325
00:14:00,824 --> 00:14:02,357
The test starts in two hours.
326
00:14:02,359 --> 00:14:03,692
Sign in here.
327
00:14:03,694 --> 00:14:06,095
I guess that's enough
time to get situated.
328
00:14:06,097 --> 00:14:07,429
What the...?
329
00:14:07,431 --> 00:14:08,630
Why are you signing in with
330
00:14:08,632 --> 00:14:10,099
a makeup pencil, silly?
331
00:14:10,101 --> 00:14:13,302
I don't know.
I got it from the police station.
332
00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:16,906
It's Mitchell & Webb.
333
00:14:16,908 --> 00:14:18,908
I recognize it because my
sister-in-law sells them.
334
00:14:18,910 --> 00:14:20,910
She's a beautiful, mean lady.
335
00:14:20,912 --> 00:14:23,512
But this is the chief's pencil.
336
00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:26,448
That means she's in cahoots with Sheila.
337
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,117
Oh, my God!
338
00:14:28,119 --> 00:14:30,719
What you're talking
about just sounds so bad.
339
00:14:30,721 --> 00:14:32,321
I have to go help Hayley.
340
00:14:32,323 --> 00:14:34,055
But it's the P-PSAT.
341
00:14:34,057 --> 00:14:35,457
You don't think I know that?!
342
00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:37,526
My sister needs me.
343
00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:39,295
There's not a moment to spare.
344
00:14:43,066 --> 00:14:45,267
Better.
345
00:14:52,944 --> 00:14:54,676
How am I gonna get in there?
346
00:14:54,678 --> 00:14:55,744
- You'll need help.
- Aah!
347
00:14:55,746 --> 00:14:58,613
- What are you doing here?
- Relax! I'm a friend.
348
00:14:58,615 --> 00:15:00,682
I'm the only one who knows the truth
349
00:15:00,684 --> 00:15:03,618
about what's really going
on in this neighborhood,
350
00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:06,021
even though everyone thinks I'm crazy.
351
00:15:06,023 --> 00:15:07,356
Name's Crazy Bob.
352
00:15:07,358 --> 00:15:08,757
I got 1,000 cats.
353
00:15:08,759 --> 00:15:11,893
1,000? Is that an exact figure?
354
00:15:11,895 --> 00:15:13,294
Yes.
355
00:15:13,296 --> 00:15:15,230
Cops have been grilling
your sister in there,
356
00:15:15,232 --> 00:15:16,631
trying to find you.
357
00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:18,900
Now, I got a plan
to take care of the cops,
358
00:15:18,902 --> 00:15:21,036
but I wasn't counting on
all those makeup ladies.
359
00:15:21,038 --> 00:15:24,305
Well, there's one thing those
makeup ladies can't resist...
360
00:15:24,307 --> 00:15:25,975
potential customers.
361
00:15:25,977 --> 00:15:27,643
And I know some people
with terrible skin
362
00:15:27,645 --> 00:15:28,978
in a cellar nearby.
363
00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:30,512
The people locked in that basement.
364
00:15:30,514 --> 00:15:32,113
- Of course.
- You know about them?
365
00:15:32,115 --> 00:15:34,383
I know everything that
goes on around here.
366
00:15:34,385 --> 00:15:35,985
My cats tell me.
367
00:15:35,987 --> 00:15:37,118
Come on. Let's go.
368
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:38,988
Jump down. My cats will catch you.
369
00:15:42,393 --> 00:15:44,593
Last chance.
370
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:47,128
Tell me where your brother is.
371
00:15:47,130 --> 00:15:48,864
I told you I don't know.
372
00:15:48,866 --> 00:15:51,132
You expect me to believe that?
373
00:15:51,134 --> 00:15:52,333
You think I don't know
374
00:15:52,335 --> 00:15:54,736
that siblings communicate
telepathically?
375
00:15:54,738 --> 00:15:57,673
You think I haven't seen
"Escape from Witch Mountain"?
376
00:15:57,675 --> 00:15:59,775
Oh, I'm gonna enjoy doing this.
377
00:16:00,744 --> 00:16:03,212
Now, I just have to find a battery.
378
00:16:03,214 --> 00:16:05,346
Or a bathtub and a hairdryer.
379
00:16:05,348 --> 00:16:08,149
If a can't find that,
then I'll just rub my feet
380
00:16:08,151 --> 00:16:09,751
on the carpet for 10 minutes.
381
00:16:09,753 --> 00:16:11,820
Don't you have a Taser?
382
00:16:11,822 --> 00:16:13,822
You shouldn't have told me that.
383
00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:16,958
Alright, get out there,
384
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,827
let those women see your gross skin,
385
00:16:18,829 --> 00:16:20,562
and the rest should take care of itself.
386
00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:21,963
Then we can go back to our cages?
387
00:16:21,965 --> 00:16:24,066
Again, you can go anywhere you want.
388
00:16:26,037 --> 00:16:27,569
Oh, my.
389
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:30,940
Look at all that pale, untouched skin.
390
00:16:32,175 --> 00:16:34,643
Hey, splotchy,
how much time would you say
391
00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,645
you spend on your
beauty regimen each day?
392
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:38,447
Step two, cats, attack!
393
00:16:41,719 --> 00:16:43,185
That's a lot of cats.
394
00:16:45,122 --> 00:16:47,723
I've been training them
for this for years.
395
00:16:47,725 --> 00:16:49,458
They'll neutralize the officers,
396
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:51,260
tying them down with bits of yarn.
397
00:16:51,262 --> 00:16:55,064
Then we waltz right in
and snag your sister.
398
00:16:55,066 --> 00:16:56,665
Uh, Bob.
399
00:17:00,071 --> 00:17:02,604
Damn. Never worked in training, either.
400
00:17:02,606 --> 00:17:04,406
Well, time for plan B.
401
00:17:05,542 --> 00:17:08,177
Why did I agree to plan B?!
402
00:17:09,881 --> 00:17:12,281
It's working!
403
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:18,553
Steve, we got to get out of here.
404
00:17:18,555 --> 00:17:20,689
The police chief is working with Sheila.
405
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,291
That's why I came back for you.
406
00:17:22,293 --> 00:17:26,562
- But your test.
- Who cares about that stupid test?
407
00:17:26,564 --> 00:17:28,097
You were in trouble.
408
00:17:28,099 --> 00:17:29,631
I'm sorry.
409
00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:32,033
We should've stuck together.
410
00:17:32,035 --> 00:17:34,836
Don't worry.
I'm gonna get you to that test.
411
00:17:34,838 --> 00:17:36,772
Maybe... hospital?
412
00:17:36,774 --> 00:17:38,307
No, test.
413
00:17:38,309 --> 00:17:40,109
Please. Hospital.
414
00:17:40,111 --> 00:17:42,745
I'm gonna get you to that test.
415
00:17:43,781 --> 00:17:44,980
Hospital.
416
00:17:47,318 --> 00:17:50,185
You're not going anywhere!
417
00:17:50,187 --> 00:17:53,054
I didn't serve two tours in Afghanistan
418
00:17:53,056 --> 00:17:55,925
and one weekend at the Mitchell
& Webb sales conference
419
00:17:55,927 --> 00:17:58,460
just outside Boca Raton
420
00:17:58,462 --> 00:18:03,198
to have two kids destroy
everything I created.
421
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,268
Hey! In what, at the time,
seemed like a totally
422
00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:08,870
meaningless moment, you saved our ball.
423
00:18:08,872 --> 00:18:12,207
Now it's time for us
to return the favor.
424
00:18:12,209 --> 00:18:13,218
What? How?
425
00:18:13,604 --> 00:18:14,676
Slap shot!
426
00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:20,749
Now,
let's get your brother to that test.
427
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:22,283
Hospital.
428
00:18:30,227 --> 00:18:32,361
Hey, weren't we supposed to be looking
429
00:18:32,363 --> 00:18:35,430
- for Steve and Hayley?
- Francine, that doesn't matter anymore.
430
00:18:35,432 --> 00:18:36,898
Look how skinny the chef is.
431
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:38,767
That's what's important now.
432
00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:41,370
Mmm, mmm. So good.
433
00:18:41,372 --> 00:18:42,972
I guess I should just face it.
434
00:18:42,974 --> 00:18:45,774
Downtown as I knew it
is dead and buried.
435
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:49,178
Nary a drop of semen has
splashed on these sidewalks
436
00:18:49,180 --> 00:18:50,646
for a decade or longer.
437
00:18:50,648 --> 00:18:52,447
I give in.
438
00:18:52,449 --> 00:18:56,718
One scoop of handcrafted
pistachio gelato, please.
439
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,320
Right this way.
440
00:19:00,457 --> 00:19:02,924
- Okay, whip it out.
- Whip it out?
441
00:19:02,926 --> 00:19:05,394
Handcrafted gelato is "code."
442
00:19:05,396 --> 00:19:07,663
- For a handy- "J"?
- You betcha.
443
00:19:07,665 --> 00:19:09,798
Roger's getting a handy!
444
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,001
Although,
now that it's right in front of me,
445
00:19:12,003 --> 00:19:14,069
I think I'd rather have the gelato.
446
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:16,605
Maybe downtown hasn't changed.
447
00:19:16,607 --> 00:19:20,141
Maybe I've changed.
448
00:19:20,143 --> 00:19:23,345
See ya back at the table, I guess.
449
00:19:30,954 --> 00:19:34,990
Bye, Hayley! Friends forever!
450
00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:38,760
Steve, wake up. We're here.
451
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:40,362
You got to take your test.
452
00:19:41,498 --> 00:19:43,666
Don't worry. I got you.
453
00:19:45,369 --> 00:19:47,036
Uh, I'm Steve Smith.
454
00:19:47,038 --> 00:19:49,504
Never kissed a girl.
Probably never will.
455
00:19:49,506 --> 00:19:51,907
- I'm here to take some test.
- I knew you'd be back.
456
00:19:51,909 --> 00:19:53,142
You're just in time.
457
00:20:17,601 --> 00:20:18,934
Mail's here!
458
00:20:18,936 --> 00:20:20,269
And I would like to say, once again,
459
00:20:20,271 --> 00:20:22,003
that bringing in the mail should be
460
00:20:22,005 --> 00:20:23,805
someone else's responsibility.
461
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:26,141
I am by far the least equi...
462
00:20:26,143 --> 00:20:27,342
Steve, your test results.
463
00:20:27,344 --> 00:20:30,279
Thanks again for having my back.
464
00:20:30,281 --> 00:20:31,680
A zero?!
465
00:20:31,682 --> 00:20:33,482
- Oof.
- That's not good, Steve.
466
00:20:33,484 --> 00:20:36,418
You get 200 points just
for spelling my name right.
467
00:20:36,420 --> 00:20:38,553
Not my name.
How should I know how to spell it?
468
00:20:38,555 --> 00:20:40,089
My future's ruined.
469
00:20:40,091 --> 00:20:42,091
Not as much as that Sheila lady.
470
00:20:42,093 --> 00:20:43,625
She got blowed up.
471
00:20:43,627 --> 00:20:46,962
- Hey, where's Stan?
- Oh, he bought a loft downtown.
472
00:20:46,964 --> 00:20:50,031
- Good morning, beautiful.
- ♪ The lights are much brighter there ♪
473
00:20:50,033 --> 00:20:52,501
♪ You can forget all your troubles ♪
474
00:20:52,503 --> 00:20:53,902
♪ Forget all your cares ♪
475
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:56,572
♪ So go downtown ♪
476
00:20:56,574 --> 00:21:00,676
♪ Things will be great
when you're downtown ♪
477
00:21:02,335 --> 00:21:04,141
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com