1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,404 ♪♪ 2 00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,539 Do you ever think about dying? 3 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,875 I just watched Chernobyl on HBO. 4 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:10,044 There were so many people dying, 5 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:11,912 I couldn't even laugh at the jokes. 6 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,914 You never know what's gonna get ya, Francine. 7 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,349 Take my friend, Jennifer. 8 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,185 She got warts on her feet walking barefoot 9 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:19,053 at a Rascal Flatts concert. 10 00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:21,055 Which is why I always wear foot condoms. 11 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,923 You'd think they don't make condoms that big. 12 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,625 But I've got a guy? Downtown? 13 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,694 He'll make you condoms any size you want. 14 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:30,098 Roger! I'm trying to talk to you about death. 15 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:32,700 Do you realize we could go at any time? 16 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,602 And as if that weren't bad enough, 17 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:37,638 Jennifer's having a crisis with her adult daughter, Ricki. 18 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:38,772 Can you listen to me? 19 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,374 Ricki won't move out of the house. 20 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,643 And now Ricki's adult mom's new boyfriend, 21 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,312 Douglath -- that's how he pronounces it 22 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,280 because he says that's the "official" way -- 23 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,548 - Douglath... - FRANCINE: Ugh! 24 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,783 He's so annoying! 25 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,986 Brain, do what Roger sounds like. 26 00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:56,557 "Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah." That's exactly right, brain. 27 00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:57,925 Good impression. 28 00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:00,328 Ugh, maybe I should just go. 29 00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,762 Yeah, good idea. 30 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,464 - I'm gonna go. - Oh, don't go! 31 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,733 Having you here makes me feel so heard. 32 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,468 I guess that's why you're my best friend 33 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,969 in the whole wide world. 34 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,838 - I'm your best friend? - Yes. 35 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,273 What about Stan? 36 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,808 He's been distant since we kissed at Coachella. 37 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,744 - How about Klaus? - Derendorf? 38 00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,312 The LA-based record producer? 39 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,080 - I barely know him! - What about Steve? 40 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,081 Potrowski? 41 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:22,650 -Hayley -- -Joel Osment? 42 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,418 A solid friend, but we'll never be 43 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:25,653 as close as you and me. 44 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:26,920 Ugh. 45 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,157 I guess I could hang out a bit longer. 46 00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,624 Good. Oh, get this! 47 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,261 Jennifer's daughter had sex with a man at SeaWorld. 48 00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:34,828 In front of the dolphins. 49 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,531 And the dolphins started acting all weird after. 50 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,334 They had to pour CBD oil into the tank. 51 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,772 (patriotic music plays) 52 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:47,441 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 53 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:51,345 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 54 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:54,548 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 55 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:58,819 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 56 00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:03,991 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 57 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,294 - ♪ Good -- ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 58 00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:07,628 Aah! 59 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:12,233 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 60 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:16,737 ♪♪ 61 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:20,841 Death. Death. Death. Death. 62 00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,544 Death. Death. Death. 63 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,813 ROGER: Oh, Franci-ine! I got an update... 64 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,848 - (thud) - ...about Ricki's adult mom 65 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,318 Jennifer's boyfriend, Douglaaaath! 66 00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:31,719 Hmm. 67 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,421 Where is she? 68 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,801 - (door opens) - Oh, hey, Hayley. 69 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:35,923 Puttin' in a tampon? 70 00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,358 - HAYLEY: Get out! - (door slams) 71 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,727 ROGER: Sheesh. Must be that time of the month. 72 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,197 Ooh, a visitor. 73 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,233 - Welcome to my alcove. - Shh! 74 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,900 I'm hiding out from Roger, 75 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,003 and this is the last place anyone would ever go. 76 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:53,574 KLAUS: Visitors can sometimes say the cruelest things. 77 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:57,678 Alas, why was I born loving visitors so? 78 00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:01,415 You must never let a visitor see your tears, Klaus. 79 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,218 Ha-ha! Good one, Francine. 80 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,221 I'm actually off to a bit of a spa day 81 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,522 in the kitchen. 82 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,458 You should come with. 83 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:11,592 Francine? 84 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,727 You in here cooking up some yogurt? 85 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:18,966 (steam hissing) 86 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:22,736 Ahh. Nothing like a good steam. 87 00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,541 So, what's going on with you and Roger? 88 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,777 He doesn't listen to me anymore. 89 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,480 He's always blah, blah, blah nonstop. 90 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,448 Seems like maybe the door is opening wider 91 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,284 for our friendship. 92 00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:37,385 Uch. 93 00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:39,387 I don't come to the spa to be hit on 94 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,655 by little orange lame-os. 95 00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:44,925 I'm trying to solve my problem with Roger. 96 00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,795 Well, you could be honest with him about your feelings. 97 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,464 Like you are with me for some cruel reason. 98 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,432 Meh. 99 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:52,966 Well, if it's his constant gabbing 100 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,404 that's driving you crazy, go somewhere he can't talk. 101 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,571 Like space! 102 00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,940 - Or the movies. - Oh, that's great. 103 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,409 Because it's closer. 104 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:03,277 And I know how to get there. 105 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:04,845 And I have a coupon. 106 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:07,481 And you can't eat Goobers in space. 107 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,417 They'd float away! 108 00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,785 I think that's enough reasons. 109 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:16,256 ♪♪ 110 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:19,327 So it turns out, Ricki's boyfriend wasn't a lawyer. 111 00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:22,930 He was just carrying a briefcase to and from Starbucks every day. 112 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:25,132 - Jennifer was crushed. - Shh! 113 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:28,369 Mister, you're ruining my first trip to the movies. 114 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,704 I see right through you, pal. You're not a little kid. 115 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,706 You're just a tiny man who gets his rocks off 116 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,551 pretending he's never been to a theater before. 117 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,009 (deep voice) You don't know me. 118 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,445 Roger, be quiet! 119 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:38,879 Fine, I'll whisper. 120 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,715 (whispering) So, Jennifer is taking a trip to Chicago -- 121 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,352 Oh, my gosh. Have you ever been to Chicago? 122 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:47,020 There is so much deep-dish pizza, 123 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,856 which is a thing I do not like. 124 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,892 I'm more of a super-flat cheeseburger guy myself. 125 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,827 FRANCINE: What is happening? 126 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:56,397 I love this whispering. 127 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,775 Please direct me to your city's finest, flattest cheeseburger. 128 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,167 FRANCINE: Goosebumps. 129 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:03,036 ROGER: The real Chicagoan experience... 130 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,539 (electronic dance music plays) 131 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,141 Waaaaahhhh! 132 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,810 Y'all feelin' this?! 133 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:13,046 Neuron dance partyyyyy! 134 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,917 ♪♪ 135 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:20,888 ♪♪ 136 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,724 ROGER: ...a man on the bus said it didn't matter how much 137 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,693 I liked flat cheeseburgers. 138 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,995 That didn't make it a Chicago thing. 139 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,897 So, whatever, that trip was a bust. 140 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,198 The end. 141 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,736 No, keep talking about yourself, 142 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,605 and don't forget to whisper. 143 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,940 You're the best listener in the world. 144 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,511 Okay, so after Chi-Town, I was like, 145 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,713 "Why am I traveling so much?" 146 00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:48,416 So I stayed home and went to CVS 147 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,183 and slid around the linoleum 148 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:53,687 in the socks Stan yelled at me for wearing hiking. 149 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,189 (bell rings) 150 00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,626 STEVE: There she is, fellas. 151 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:01,128 The future Mrs. Ashley Wagner. 152 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,030 I'll be taking her name when we get married. 153 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,032 Does she even know you exist? 154 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,034 Not yet, but I've written a love note 155 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,268 to drop in her locker. 156 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,071 Smart! Girls love to read! 157 00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,474 I told her I'd reveal myself at the dance 158 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:16,209 and signed it "Your secret admirer," 159 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,746 so she'll fall in love with me for the merits of my writing 160 00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:22,282 and not my Rachel Maddow good looks. 161 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,451 Coming through! 162 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,419 Dangerous construction materials! 163 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,921 Shortcut to the site, through the school! 164 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:32,960 ♪♪ 165 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,496 Ooh, goth girls. Spooky. 166 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:39,667 ♪♪ 167 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,101 Steve, look out! 168 00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,836 - Ugh! - (rods clatter) 169 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,240 (students gasp) 170 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,409 Oh, God! I could be blamed for this. 171 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,179 - Aaaah! - Aah! 172 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,314 My sweet Steve! 173 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,484 We were friends! 174 00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:59,487 (sobbing) We were friends! 175 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:01,522 What are you talking about? 176 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:02,956 We're still friends. 177 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,257 Do you not feel it? 178 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:05,626 Feel what? 179 00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,628 Hey, look. Someone slipped me a note. 180 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,830 "Dear beautiful." Hah! 181 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,999 Flattery will get you everywhere. 182 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,834 "You're all I can think about..." 183 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:14,934 (gasps) 184 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,804 Are you all right? 185 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,606 I'm better than all right! 186 00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,808 I have a secret admirer! 187 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,376 And she's gonna reveal herself at the dance! 188 00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,178 Looks like ol' Steven Anita 189 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,015 might be the first to lose his V-card. 190 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,316 (locker clangs) 191 00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,284 (clanging continues) 192 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:36,824 ♪♪ 193 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:40,794 ♪♪ 194 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:41,894 (chuckles) 195 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,564 One of those days, huh? 196 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,534 Roger whispered. 197 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,301 - (steam hisses) - And when he did, 198 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,539 it gave me an incredible sensation. 199 00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:55,909 A kind of peace and relaxation I haven't felt 200 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,846 since I started obsessing over death. 201 00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:03,416 I got the chilly thrillies up and down my neck! 202 00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,152 Ah, yes. 203 00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:07,154 Technically, it's called ASMR. 204 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,823 ASMR? As in... 205 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:13,160 asymmetrical sexy men rule? 206 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,829 No. It's when you get unbelievably relaxed 207 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,197 by whispers. 208 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:20,367 It also works with eating pickles or other crunchy foods, 209 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:23,036 like, uh... 210 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,272 pickles, w-which is, uh... 211 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,439 the best example. 212 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,275 Some people think ASMR is sexual, 213 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,678 but for most people, it's not. 214 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,112 But for me, it definitely is. 215 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,715 Klaus, this is perfect! 216 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:38,218 I'll just hang out with Roger where he's forced to whisper. 217 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,630 - (tranquil music plays) - (whispering) So it turns out, 218 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,856 Ricki's boyfriend didn't run out on her. 219 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:46,560 He just got tangled in some wind chimes at a Pier 1 220 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,562 and they found him a couple of days ago, 221 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:51,131 severely dehydrated. 222 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,636 ♪♪ 223 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,971 That movie was really relaxing. 224 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,208 Oh, yeah, these Transformers movies are so zen. 225 00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,143 All that metal-on-metal scraping. 226 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,579 And Optimus Prime is sneaky funny. 227 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,281 Hanging out with you has really taken my mind off 228 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,250 death by nuclear holocaust. 229 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,319 In fact, why are we leaving? 230 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:13,453 Let's see another movie. 231 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,622 I'm a little movied out. 232 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,162 Can we go somewhere where I can talk? 233 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:17,658 Out loud? 234 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,292 Oh! Yes. 235 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,728 Great idea. 236 00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:22,495 How about the... 237 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:23,631 library? 238 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,165 La biblioteca? 239 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,567 That's Spanish for "Sure, why not?" 240 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,639 (whispering) Oh, I am a total Hufflepuff. 241 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:33,573 Don't you think I'm a Hufflepuff? 242 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,644 Francine, what the fuff is a Hufflepuff? 243 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,114 Pickle? 244 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:44,317 A man would be a fool to refuse a purse pickle. 245 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,353 (crunching) 246 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,121 Ahh! 247 00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,257 (crunching continues) 248 00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:53,961 Oh, that's nice. 249 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,929 Uhp, there's an owl in this. 250 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,749 If I was interested in things with big eyes, 251 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,867 I would still be stalking Emma Stone. 252 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,334 Do you think I should check on her? 253 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,704 No, let's go to a golf tournament. 254 00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,506 Sure. A-And maybe on the way, we swing by her parents' house 255 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,876 and see if they have anything cool in their trash? 256 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,444 (birds chirping) 257 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,480 (whispering) Douglath bailed on Jen, 258 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,548 so she went indoor skydiving alone. 259 00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:16,884 So brave. 260 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,687 I can't even go to Souplantation alone. 261 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,723 What do you think it would sound like 262 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:25,125 if you tapped your nails on this book 263 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,494 I stole from the library? 264 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:31,531 (gentle tapping) 265 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,202 (grunts) 266 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,137 - Aah! - (body thuds, crowd gasps) 267 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,739 I think he killed that guy. 268 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,140 (relaxed) It's okay. 269 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,574 I've come to realize 270 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,677 death plays a beautiful role 271 00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,913 in the circle of life. 272 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,916 ♪♪ 273 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,416 (whispering) This funeral reminds me 274 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,853 of when Jennifer's dog got heartworm. 275 00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,187 It survived, of course. 276 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,089 That's the main difference. 277 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,759 Crinkle these noodles as you talk. 278 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,060 You betcha. 279 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,329 (package crinkling) 280 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:04,865 Shortcut through the cemetery! 281 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,367 Ooh, this funeral's spooky! 282 00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,673 Wow. My secret admirer is a helluva writer. 283 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,009 Should we tell him he wrote that letter? 284 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:18,345 Why? Look how happy he is. 285 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,547 Just look at the way she loops her L's. 286 00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:23,283 She clearly knows her way around a dick. 287 00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,719 Should we at least pull out the pole? 288 00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:29,022 No, then he'll remember he wrote the note! 289 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,691 You want to fix his brain and break his heart? 290 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,026 (crunching) 291 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,963 Mm. This food tastes kind of metallic. 292 00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:37,464 Are you guys getting any of that? 293 00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:39,099 Yes, sirree! 294 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,802 Pearl Bailey's famous copper nachos. 295 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:45,438 There's a lucky penny melted into every batch! 296 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,407 So, you guys are assuring me this is normal? 297 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:48,641 Ohhh, yeah. 298 00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,244 Everything that's going on is normal. 299 00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:54,047 Normal's the word of the day here. 300 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,483 ♪♪ 301 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,085 Francinie-weenie! 302 00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:59,586 Ready to hang? 303 00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,121 Huh, no Francine. 304 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,256 Welp, then I guess this is a great time 305 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:06,126 for me to snooooop! 306 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,796 Spider-Man action figure. 307 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:10,463 Unexpected. 308 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,799 Grapefruit. 309 00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:13,166 Another Spider-Man? Wow. 310 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,835 She really has a thing for Spider-Man. 311 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:18,005 - (buzzing) - Ohhh! 312 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,339 What's this? 313 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,676 A microcassette of "Roger's whispers"? 314 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,926 ROGER (whispering): And I'm like, "What channels do I lose 315 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:30,417 if I move down to the ultimate package?" 316 00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:34,187 And she's like, "You'd lose HGTV and DIY Network." 317 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,157 So, yeah, I still pay $400 a month for cable. 318 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,501 - (button clicks) - (Klaus whistling) 319 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:41,328 Klaus, do you know why Francine is recording my stories? 320 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,468 Is she trying to steal them for a book or something? 321 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,933 Like you did when you befriended The Situation? 322 00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:47,033 Yeah, like that. 323 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,945 Oh, no. She doesn't care about what you're saying. 324 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,171 She just likes the sounds your mouth makes 325 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,840 when you whisper and stuff! 326 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,507 They relax her. 327 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,310 She's recording everything you do. 328 00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,379 What?! 329 00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,548 "Roger's crunching"? 330 00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:04,117 (crunching) 331 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,063 - (button clicks) - Oh, my God. 332 00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,798 Is that what I sound like when I eat pickles? 333 00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,323 Ugh. So nasally. 334 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,624 I thought I sounded more like 335 00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,961 Dwayne "Vin Diesel 'The Rock'" Johnson. 336 00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:17,030 (deep voice) Rawr, we're family! Crunch crunch. 337 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,900 (normal voice) Francine's not listening to me? 338 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,869 (sobbing) 339 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,372 I caught you red-handed! 340 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,674 Hey, man, I paid for this toast. 341 00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:29,242 "Roger's crunching"?! 342 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,411 You only care about my noises! 343 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,213 What's the big deal? 344 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,849 We're hanging out, and your noises relax me. 345 00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:37,217 You want to relax? 346 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,987 Listen to the crunch of me destroying your tapes! 347 00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:41,221 - (crunching) - No! 348 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,422 Ahhh. 349 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,523 But no! 350 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,592 Oh, that's nice. 351 00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:47,260 Well, that's all you're getting! 352 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,596 You won't get another sound out of me! 353 00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:52,265 Roger, I can just follow you around 354 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,101 and tape whatever I want. 355 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,835 Oh, you're gonna follow me, huh? 356 00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,570 Bet you won't follow me to... 357 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,672 Ch-Ch-Ch-Chernobyl. 358 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,909 Roger, you can't go to Chernobyl! 359 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:03,343 It's dangerous! 360 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,413 Well, I'd rather die there than be ignored here! 361 00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,016 Hey, Mom. Heads up -- 362 00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:10,683 I hit a cyclist with your car. 363 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:11,783 She's not dead. 364 00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:13,963 I put her in the trunk until I can come up with a plan. 365 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:16,089 Just letting you know where I've been lately. 366 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,593 (somber music plays) 367 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,728 (frantically) My whispers. 368 00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:23,130 Where are my whispers? 369 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,431 I need my whispers! 370 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,466 I could do them for you, Francine. 371 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,535 (gravelly whisper) You're sssssafe 372 00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:31,038 with Klaussssss. 373 00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:33,706 No, just stop! You don't have it! 374 00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:37,077 Yessss, I dooooo. 375 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:39,079 I drove Roger away! 376 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:40,480 He left! 377 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:43,583 I drove him to the airport, and then he left! 378 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,328 (normal voice) Well, you could go after him. 379 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:48,421 Ooh, according to his Insta, he's made it to Chernobyl. 380 00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,423 Oh, no! We've got to save him! 381 00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,725 The radiation's gonna make him sick! 382 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,228 It's already making him thirsty. 383 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,797 What the hell, I'll give him a little sip. 384 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,768 (droning music plays) 385 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,606 What the hell am I doing here? 386 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,641 - Was this stupid? - Yes. 387 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,743 Well, we have to find Roger. 388 00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,613 According to Ask Jeeves, we have five hours 389 00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:17,350 before the radiation turns us into walkin'-talkin' tumors. 390 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,319 Five hours 'til I turn into that fish 391 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,621 from The Simpsons with three eyes. 392 00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,356 Do you watch The Simpsons, Francine? 393 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,258 It's getting good. 394 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,693 And Jennifer's current boyfriend 395 00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,596 is also a bartender at TGI Friday's. 396 00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:32,265 So either she's got a type or she can't walk away 397 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,201 from free Jack Daniel's Shrimp and Grits. 398 00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:37,304 That is fine, but you have very little time to live. 399 00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:40,040 The radiation has already eaten away your nose and ears. 400 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,775 Well, you look like a banana with a handle. 401 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,877 - (air hissing) - Pee-yew! 402 00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,846 You been Vladimir Putin in there? 403 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,015 What have you done?! 404 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,382 You should be thanking me! 405 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:50,984 You were just breathing it in! 406 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,652 Roger? 407 00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,354 Well, look who it is. 408 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,690 The person I was wrong about how afraid they were of Chernobyl. 409 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,993 I thought I wouldn't see you here. 410 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,794 Roger, you look terrible. 411 00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,230 You need to come home. 412 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,665 So you can have my whispers at your disposal? 413 00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:08,168 Well, you're not gonna like my whispers anymore! 414 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,702 (whoosh) 415 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,172 (gasps) 416 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:16,243 The radiation has made them more relaxing than ever! 417 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:18,645 - (whooshing) - (distorted) Sleeeeep! 418 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,413 (both sigh) 419 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,750 (snoring) 420 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:26,719 Wow. I guess life is coming back to Chernobyl. 421 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,490 (yawning) 422 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:33,926 I've heard of a weeping willow, but a sleeping willow? 423 00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:36,429 (ting!) 424 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,931 ♪♪ 425 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,101 (indistinct conversations) 426 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,938 There's only a few more songs left. 427 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:50,043 Steve's gonna be devastated when there's no secret admirer. 428 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,212 Did -- Did we handle this wrong? 429 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,746 I have an idea! 430 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,014 Hit me with it, Barry. 431 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:58,451 Maybe if we each got a pole in our head, 432 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:01,454 we'd have secret admirers like Steve! 433 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,723 Okay. I'm on my own here. 434 00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,592 Just gotta break the news to him. 435 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,960 And I'll work on finding poles! 436 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,462 (sighs) 437 00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,731 Steve, there's nobody coming. 438 00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,266 That love note? 439 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,601 You wrote it yourself. 440 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,036 Ohhh. And I probably don't remember 441 00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,538 because I have a pole in my head. 442 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:19,772 You know about that?! 443 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,241 I tied my bow tie. 444 00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:22,909 Can't do that without a mirror. 445 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:24,377 So, in a way, 446 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,446 I'm my own secret admirer! 447 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,781 You always have been. 448 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:32,119 Me, may I have this dance? 449 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,754 Yes, me. You may. 450 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:41,060 ♪♪ 451 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,596 I got the poles! 452 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:44,776 - (grunts) - (poles clatter) 453 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,267 (stammering) 454 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,103 Look! Barry's doing a new dance! 455 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,739 I call it the Barry! Everybody do the Barry! 456 00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:54,507 ♪ Barry, Barry, Barry ♪ 457 00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,143 ♪ Do the Barry-Barry ♪ 458 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:59,246 ♪ He's a fat kid who's almost fallin' down ♪ 459 00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:02,081 Lock the doors until everyone does the Barry. 460 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,316 (droning music plays) 461 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,285 (both groaning) 462 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,187 (gasps) 463 00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,988 How long were we out for? 464 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,757 We only have an hour before we die. 465 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,426 And we don't have any idea where Roger is. 466 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,362 Maybe he went that way. 467 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,997 (animals snoring) 468 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,366 But even if we find him, 469 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:21,268 he'll just put us to sleep again. 470 00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:22,602 Hmm. 471 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,504 Did you see the movie Bird Box? 472 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,506 It's been on my watch list for like six months, 473 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,141 but I don't actually want to watch it. 474 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:30,143 Well, what if instead of Sandra Bullock 475 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,212 not being able to see, 476 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,946 she couldn't hear? 477 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,048 (gasps) That sounds so scary! 478 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,517 But like I said, I haven't seen it, 479 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,051 and I'm probably not going to. 480 00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:42,389 (sighs) We're gonna have to reach Roger 481 00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:45,658 without our most important sense. 482 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,729 I can't hear where I'm going! 483 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,232 How do deaf people get anywhere? 484 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,234 What, Francine? Where are you? 485 00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,803 What the hell? 486 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,671 (dramatic music plays) 487 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,574 KLAUS: Gawwww. Stacked high animals. 488 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,210 This is horrible. 489 00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:05,878 But now I'm getting used to it. 490 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,547 Now it's kind of cute. 491 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,149 (animals snoring) 492 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:19,259 ♪♪ 493 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,527 What are you doing here? 494 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:21,761 I thought I told you to 495 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,896 (distorted) sleeeep! 496 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,000 Wait, why aren't you asleep? 497 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,203 Roger, we've gotta go! 498 00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:31,838 You're gonna die! 499 00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:32,939 I don't care! 500 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,442 You don't belong here alone! 501 00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:39,212 You wouldn't even go to Souplantation by yourself! 502 00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,113 You heard me! 503 00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:42,382 Come on! 504 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:45,084 You're acting weirder than those dolphins 505 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:49,522 after they saw Ricki having sex with that guy at SeaWorld! 506 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,724 Oh, my God. 507 00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:54,694 (pleasant music plays) 508 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:58,064 You were... listening to me the whole time? 509 00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:00,099 Well, part of the time. 510 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,701 You talk a lot, Roger. 511 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,570 I'm bound to pick up bits and pieces. 512 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,972 That's so sweet of you, remembering all that stuff 513 00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,540 about people I made up. 514 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:09,776 Oh, no! 515 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,444 We've gotta get out of here. 516 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:12,712 Klaus is dying! 517 00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,247 Or maybe it's too late for him, 518 00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:15,882 but we have a little time. 519 00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:18,385 Because there's a brunch place I'd like to try out. 520 00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:19,819 Although it might not be open. 521 00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,589 A lot of stuff closed after the, um... 522 00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,891 nuclear unpleasantness. 523 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,263 I'm sorry I used you for your noises. 524 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,231 I know I'm supposed to be your best friend, 525 00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:34,501 but I wasn't acting like it. 526 00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:37,837 Well, you did face your fear of death to come bring me home. 527 00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,939 Huh, that's true. 528 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:43,276 Let's celebrate our friendship by doing The Barry! 529 00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,011 PRINCIPAL LEWIS: ♪ Barry, Barry, Barry ♪ 530 00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,513 ♪ Do the Barry-Barry ♪ 531 00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:49,582 ♪ He's a fat kid who's almost fallin' down ♪ 532 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:50,917 The Barry? 533 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,919 The radiation is driving them insane. 534 00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,186 I'm with you, brother. 535 00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:55,588 These people are nuts. 536 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:56,956 But I've got your back. 537 00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:58,358 I am your back! 538 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,793 (laughing) 539 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,130 Have a great night!