1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,003 [♪ theme song playing] 2 00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:06,715 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 3 00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:09,968 ♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 4 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:13,222 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 5 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:16,934 ♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪ 6 00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:22,898 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 7 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,317 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 8 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,322 {\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 9 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,616 [whip cracks] 10 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,993 - You are cool. - [glass creaks] 11 00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:36,703 Cool as a cucumber. 12 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:38,247 - A cucumber doesn't want... - [snaps] 13 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,790 - ...it doesn't fear. - [belt snaps] 14 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,708 - [book thuds] - It just is. 15 00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:42,960 Everyone, come quick! 16 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,503 Steve is doing something. 17 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:45,837 I'm psyching myself up 18 00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,339 for the Langley Church Carnival. 19 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,715 {\an8}Take this with a grain of salt 20 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,259 {\an8}because I've never been to this fair 21 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,761 {\an8}and this is the first I'm hearing of it. You're not ready. 22 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,597 {\an8}The Church Carnival closes the summer social calendar. 23 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,349 {\an8}It's a chance to reinvent yourself 24 00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:59,059 {\an8}right before school starts again. 25 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,602 {\an8}And you're going as... 26 00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,562 {\an8}[hesitates] What did you say? A pickle? 27 00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:04,856 {\an8}Your trolling would've gotten to the old Steve, 28 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:08,151 {\an8}but new me is easy and/or breezy. 29 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,278 {\an8}I've been very patient. 30 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,862 {\an8}Please talk about the belt now. 31 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:12,864 {\an8}It's the centerpiece to the new me. 32 00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:15,409 {\an8}Gives me the confidence of a cucumber. 33 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:18,912 {\an8}Famously the most confident of all the penis-shaped foods. 34 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:20,289 {\an8}- [belt snaps] - [glass shatters] 35 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,415 {\an8}Ready to go, Steve? 36 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:24,126 {\an8}Whoa! I'm loving the new braided centerpiece. 37 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,169 {\an8}You guys are doing this fair thing, too? 38 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,504 {\an8}Carnival. And yes. 39 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,006 {\an8}It's the perfect opportunity 40 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,258 {\an8}to reset who you are before the school year. 41 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:32,759 {\an8}If it goes well. 42 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,511 {\an8}[excitedly] It goes wrong sometimes? 43 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,932 {\an8}Hayley had a bad carnival last summer. 44 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,726 {\an8}Derailed her whole year. 45 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,769 {\an8}She developed an unhealthy bond 46 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,521 {\an8}with a goat in the petting zoo. 47 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,189 {\an8}They caught her trying to, uh... 48 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,442 {\an8}To lure it away into a porta-potty. 49 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,569 {\an8}[Hayley] Are you guys talking about the goat again? 50 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:53,030 {\an8}- Let it go! - You freaked everyone out! 51 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,614 [Hayley] He needed to be alone! 52 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:55,699 With me! 53 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,492 This fair sounds incredible! 54 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,578 Everyone get in the car right freaking now. 55 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,246 Well, it doesn't start for a few hours. 56 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:04,958 Wow. I can't stop learning things about this fair! 57 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:07,461 [chattering indistinctly] 58 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,254 I can't do it. 59 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,672 This Henley was a mistake. 60 00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,425 Look how much chest I'm just giving away for free. 61 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:14,926 Be honest, is it slutty? 62 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,887 Honestly? Yes. 63 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,139 But in a way that really sings. 64 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,975 If anything, I'm worried about my bold lip. 65 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,478 - Is it-- - Absolutely perfect? Yes. 66 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,314 Those lips belong in Paris or on a motorcycle. 67 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,441 I can't wait to see them drop like a curtain 68 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,068 on a bunch of fried pickles. 69 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,861 Oh, Stan. 70 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,363 [both kissing] 71 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:37,282 Right. I've watched 16 hours of YouTube videos 72 00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,826 on how to beat every rigged game here. 73 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:43,497 Those carny fat cats have had it too good for too long. 74 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,540 And I am gonna have a normal time. 75 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,876 I'm certainly not going anywhere near the porta-potties. 76 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,294 Or the petting zoo-- 77 00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:51,546 You're literally acting insane about this. 78 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,049 Can we just forget about the goat? I have. 79 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,884 {\an8}I bet he wouldn't even recognize me anyway. 80 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,761 {\an8}I mean, I've grown a bunch. 81 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,680 {\an8}Has he grown? I don't care! 82 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,640 {\an8}And I've got my cucumber thing! 83 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,058 {\an8}Oh, wait, was that Steve's? 84 00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,768 {\an8}I will also be a cucumber. 85 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,606 Whoa, Steve, nice belt. 86 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,650 Thanks. That flamenco fingernail 87 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,235 is nothing to sneeze at either. 88 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,611 This? Oh, no. 89 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,738 My new thing is gonna be cocaine. 90 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,198 So what do we do first? 91 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,367 Check out the rides? The girls? 92 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,952 The women? 93 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,204 This year, I'm easy-peasy Steazy. 94 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:27,582 I'm even willing to ride the big-kid rides. 95 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,667 Are you sure? 96 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,043 Snot, look at my belt. 97 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,129 The new Steve is ready for anything. 98 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,588 That's great news! 99 00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,090 'Cause there's a new ride this year 100 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,842 that's supposed to be nuts. 101 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,552 [chuckles nervously] There is? 102 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,096 Satan's Tantrum. 103 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,264 [ride whooshing] 104 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,558 - [demonic laughter playing from ride] - [fire crackling] 105 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,393 [people screaming] 106 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,354 [sheepishly] Very cool. 107 00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,064 But what's the rush, right? 108 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,024 Let's get some funnel cake first-- 109 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,401 [Mertz] Stop hitting yourself! 110 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,902 - [smacking] - [grunting] 111 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,989 Steve! Help me! 112 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,282 - [smacks] - Smith! 113 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,160 I was just thinking about how I'd like to hit you with this. 114 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,121 Uh, I got a cricket leg in my funnel cake last year. 115 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,289 Let's hit that ride. 116 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,373 What about Billy? 117 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,709 Billy might've been the aggressor here. We came in late. 118 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,795 - Now the trick here is the backspin-- - [ball clattering] 119 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:14,880 Hey, watch it! 120 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,631 Winner, winner, chicken dinner! 121 00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,175 I'm not a prize to be won. 122 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,926 Help! I'm being trafficked! 123 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,595 Probably for sex! 124 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,597 - Wait, is it for sex? - No. 125 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,932 Okay, yeah. Then help! 126 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,351 - [fire crackling] - [chattering indistinctly] 127 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:32,647 The best part is it wasn't even built by a ride architect. 128 00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:35,275 - Then who made it? - A guy. 129 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:39,237 After he built it, he was committed to an insane asylum. 130 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:41,573 Are pieces supposed to be falling off like that? 131 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,950 - [bolt whooshes] - [grunts and thuds] 132 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,410 Nobody knows! 133 00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:47,287 That's what makes it great! 134 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,289 - Step on the scale, boy. - [needle clatters] 135 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:52,042 And get this. No height requirement. 136 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,044 Just a weight requirement. 137 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,588 The guy was absolutely mental. 138 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,632 What happens if you don't weigh enough? 139 00:04:58,715 --> 00:04:59,716 [both] You fly out. 140 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,594 [needle clattering] 141 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,514 Huh. He's not heavy enough. 142 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,098 But Toshi's smaller than me. 143 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:10,101 {\an8}[speaking in Japanese] 144 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,686 [in English] I can't ride the ride 145 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,481 [angrily] Oh! I can't ride the ride! 146 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,942 Ugh! Enjoy the hell out of it, boys. 147 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,944 I'm gonna try to cool off in the mirror maze. 148 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,195 [mumbles angrily] 149 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:24,157 Hi. I'm a little late to the game on this fair thing, 150 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,451 but I'm loving what I'm seeing from you carnies. 151 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:30,664 Doing drugs in the open, having filthy hay sex while your teeth drop out. 152 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:33,166 - I'll do anything to work here. - You're hired. 153 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,418 Fantastic! 154 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,045 I need the first two weeks off. 155 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,421 [chattering indistinctly] 156 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,758 [sighs in relief] 157 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,553 [in normal voice] Hey, big guy. Close shave out there. 158 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,513 Satan's Tantrum was a curveball. 159 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,764 It's okay to be scared. 160 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,100 You're still King Cuke. 161 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,685 [boy laughing] 162 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:54,604 Mertz. 163 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,689 Wow. 164 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,608 What in the candy-ass hell did I just stumble on? 165 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,151 - [♪ menacing music playing] - Oh, no. 166 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,237 I can't control myself. 167 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,031 When I see a wuss being this vulnerable, 168 00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,701 my body just has to bully. 169 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,327 Good luck catching the real me. 170 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,746 I know this place like the back of my-- [thuds and grunts] 171 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,832 This is exciting. 172 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,960 I wonder what my body's gonna do to you. 173 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,379 I know my rights! 174 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,423 I am allowed to sing to the goat. 175 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,550 [nervously] You're a cucumber. You're a cucumber. 176 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:24,968 - [thuds] - Not this one. 177 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,094 He's a flight risk. 178 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,346 [needle clattering] 179 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,431 Hot damn! 180 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,057 Welcome to hell, boy. 181 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,310 No, please! Somebody stop him! 182 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,523 - [Steve grunts] - [menacing laughter playing from ride] 183 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,483 - [fire whooshing outside] - What are you doing? 184 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,485 I told you, I don't know. 185 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:46,531 But whatever happens is your fault, King Cuke. 186 00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:47,866 [ride whirring] 187 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:49,993 [screams] 188 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:53,246 [thudding and grunting] 189 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,751 [thudding and grunting continues] 190 00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,794 [screaming] 191 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:05,425 [muffled screaming] 192 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:07,552 Ahhh! 193 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,138 Steve! I got you! 194 00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:11,848 {\an8}Next on Greg's Goodies, 195 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,643 {\an8}I'll be trying the famous twice-fried corn dogs-- 196 00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:15,727 {\an8}[gasps] 197 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:16,978 {\an8}[screaming] 198 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,439 A real news story. And at the carnival. 199 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:20,982 My school year is set. 200 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,109 - [grunting] - [belt strains] 201 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,153 [crowd gasping] 202 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,117 Ooh, you are so dead. 203 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,452 Everyone saw that! 204 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,329 Assault, attempted murder, 205 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:37,248 and worst of all, misleading an innocent carny! 206 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,459 I know what your body's gonna do next. 207 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,044 Go straight to jail! 208 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,921 - [whirring stops] - [door clanks] 209 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:44,631 [crowd cheering and applauding] 210 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,342 {\an8}We'll see if we can get a word from the hero himself. 211 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,720 {\an8}- Hang on-- - And hang on, he did. To you. 212 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,514 {\an8}What was going through your mind up there? 213 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,683 {\an8}Nothing. I... I just did it. 214 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,017 {\an8}Inspiring words. 215 00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,395 {\an8}And what's new about me is the bolo tie! 216 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,944 And at the height of Satan's Tantrum, 217 00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:08,780 Mertz, clear-eyed and cool. 218 00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:12,117 And Steve, the sniveling nerd, 219 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,202 unchanged by the miracle of the carnival, 220 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,288 wearing pink heart boxers, like a cartoon sea captain 221 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,416 whose pants are ripped open by an alligator. 222 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,668 Can't say I love the way I'm being depicted. 223 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,504 I gotta set the record straight. Mertz is no hero. 224 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,756 It's his fault I was even on that death trap! 225 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,466 [sucks air] Uh... 226 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:31,928 - What? - It's just that he did save your life. 227 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:36,599 Criticizing Mertz now might come across as ungrateful? 228 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,936 [nervously] Dare I say, uncool. 229 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,397 He's tormented us our entire lives. 230 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,941 Barry, he Gorilla Glued your boobs together. 231 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,192 You had to have surgery. 232 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,318 We know that. 233 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,945 But I think Barry's right. 234 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,780 You gotta let this blow over. 235 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,783 On the bright side, he hasn't bullied any of us today. 236 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:57,620 True. I don't miss the usual back-to-school butt crack wet willy. 237 00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:58,872 Maybe you're right. 238 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,583 Maybe this will all die down in a few days. 239 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,836 {\an8}A key to the city is the greatest honor 240 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:08,131 {\an8}Langley Falls can bestow upon a citizen. 241 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,551 [dejected] Though, in truth, it opens very little. 242 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:14,721 The holes simply aren't big enough, I've found. 243 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:18,850 And so, to you, Mertz, we offer this key. 244 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,643 Thank you for not forcing me 245 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,937 to cancel the carnival because of a death. 246 00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,564 Thank you. 247 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,358 But the truth is I'm no hero. 248 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,402 [woman] That's a thing a hero would say. 249 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:32,030 I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. 250 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:35,492 I used to prey on the weak. Steve in particular. 251 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,744 Uh, for the record, that was the old Steve. 252 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,246 If I can draw your attention to my belt for a moment-- 253 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:43,958 But saving him awoke in me a desire to do good. 254 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,628 Now I get up each day and try to be the person 255 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,630 all of you believe I am already. 256 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,925 - Thank you. - [crowd cheering and applauding] 257 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,760 I wasn't supposed to be on that ride. 258 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,804 And for the other boy, 259 00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:58,181 Zanes department store has graciously donated 260 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,267 a pack of less embarrassing underwear. 261 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,270 - [packet rustles] - For the love of... My underwear is fine! 262 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:07,690 No! They're the underwear of a foppish captain 263 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:11,402 who gets his pants ripped open by a hungry alligator! 264 00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:12,654 I've seen that one! 265 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,572 What was it called? 266 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:17,534 Meet me by the stage. Everyone else, go home. 267 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,202 Francine, your makeup. 268 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:22,372 People are gonna think we skipped this thing to have sex in the car. 269 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,707 Especially the people who saw us doing it. 270 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:25,875 Can we go now? 271 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,211 Mertz, we never had a chance to say a proper thank you 272 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,130 for what you did for Steve. 273 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,257 I'd shake your hand, but I haven't washed mine, 274 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,301 and I, uh, just did something cool. 275 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,303 Do you have dinner plans tonight? 276 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,639 I was gonna have a quiet night in. 277 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,307 Dang, he's booked up. Let's go. 278 00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:43,977 Come to our house for dinner. It's the least we can do. 279 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,063 Wow. Uh, okay. Thank you. 280 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,107 Dad, no! 281 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,276 He once did an entire history report 282 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:54,112 on the agrarian tradition of plowing Mom! 283 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:57,699 Great. You never wanna talk about the stuff I'm interested in. 284 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,703 So, Mertz, what kind of doors are open to you 285 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,288 now that you're a celebrity? 286 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,331 I bet you could get on Raya easy. 287 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,041 Everyone's been so generous. 288 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:10,795 The petting zoo said I could pick any animal I want and keep it. 289 00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:11,921 [glass shatters] 290 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,507 [clears throat] What did you decide on? 291 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:15,967 Could someone pass me a napkin? 292 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,635 A teacup piglet. 293 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:20,346 Hmm. Yeah, I don't see what the fuss is about this guy. 294 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,431 Okay. 295 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,517 Probably time for Mertz to be hitting the old dusty trail. 296 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:28,146 No can do. I am not leaving you guys with all these dishes. 297 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,439 That's sort of my thing. 298 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,523 Since when? 299 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,275 Let him clean up if he wants. 300 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,486 I torched the casserole dish. It's gonna need a hero. 301 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,155 - [water splashing] - All right. 302 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,574 You got into my house, you won over my family. 303 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:40,742 Congratulations. 304 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,952 Now you can use it all to stab me in the heart. 305 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,120 That's the plan, right? 306 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,997 There's no plan, Steve. 307 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,665 God's plan, maybe. 308 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,668 Something shifted inside me on that ride. 309 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:53,338 Something more than my elbow popping out. 310 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:54,756 Well, I don't buy the act. 311 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,799 I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in debt 312 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,969 to the guy who gave me a swirly in a toilet he upper-decked. 313 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,347 Steve, I don't think you understand. 314 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,057 I'm in debt to you. 315 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:07,227 For the first time in my life, I like who I am. 316 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,645 You saved me. 317 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:12,023 And I can't wait to tell the whole world about it tomorrow. 318 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,108 - What... What's tomorrow? - You didn't hear? 319 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:16,819 Buddy, we're gonna be on Morning Mimosa! 320 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:20,949 Hmm. Show the world who you truly are, you say. 321 00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:24,035 I didn't. But I love when you put words in my mouth. 322 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,037 Gives my tongue a rest. 323 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,499 Look, babe! I got you a goat! 324 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,000 Who's that? I don't know that goat. 325 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,336 It's a goat, like you like. 326 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,380 Oh. Wow. 327 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,966 Okay, now I'm starting to see what's going on here. 328 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:41,552 "Hayley likes goats. Any goat will do." Is that about right? 329 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:42,887 I... I don't understand. 330 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:46,140 Yeah, well, everything's coming into focus for me. 331 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,601 I'm achieving a level of clarity about you now. 332 00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:49,936 Did I do something wrong? 333 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,104 Get out of here. 334 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:54,357 And take whatever it is you think this is, with you. 335 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,858 - The goat? - Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. 336 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,027 - Just go, honey. Go. - Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. 337 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,489 That went so sideways in there. 338 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,491 What the hell did you do? 339 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:04,659 [bleats] 340 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,703 Stop saying that! 341 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,663 - [♪ show theme playing] - [audience applauding] 342 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,873 Welcome back from our Boot and Rally intermission 343 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,959 sponsored by Fruit Stripe gum. 344 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,210 Fruit Stripe gum! 345 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,505 For when you need your mouth to be as fresh as a zebra. 346 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:20,091 Our producer, Charlie, is telling me 347 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:24,304 our guests are the carnival hero and the boy he saved. 348 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:27,223 So tell us, are you as worried as me 349 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:30,143 that every car is clay-colored now? 350 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,686 - Uh... - Sure. 351 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,814 [chuckles] In fact, there's not much I don't worry about, Suze. 352 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:37,734 Yes! You look like a worrier. 353 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,987 Guilty. I'm a bit of a wuss. 354 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,282 I have this fun little thing I like to do that helps me. 355 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:47,785 It's incredibly earnest and vulnerable. 356 00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:48,911 Do you all wanna see it? 357 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,496 [audience cheering and applauding] 358 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:52,749 [whispers] Please don't. 359 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,335 Steven Anita Smith. 360 00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:57,628 My middle name is Anita. 361 00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:59,380 You are cool. 362 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:02,383 Cool as a big, firm cucumber. 363 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,553 [grumbling softly] 364 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,472 Calm and cool. 365 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,683 Probably the coolest of all the fruits. 366 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,393 The King Cuke. 367 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,811 - [grunts] - [audience gasp] 368 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:14,937 [whispers] Gotcha. 369 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,482 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! 370 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:18,983 I don't know why I did that. 371 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,194 No, I feel it too. I want... 372 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,613 I want to stuff him somewhere small? 373 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,239 - His place! - Yes! 374 00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,658 I wanna put him in his place! 375 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,202 [audience chanting] In his place! 376 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,828 In his place! 377 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:31,913 [in normal voice] Stop! 378 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,248 I don't mean to silence women, 379 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:37,752 but where you look at Steve and see a four-eyed weenie, 380 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:41,172 I see a guy with the courage to try to change. 381 00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:42,256 [♪ solemn music playing] 382 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,550 And in the end, isn't that what we all really want? 383 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,636 To be better versions of ourselves? 384 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,263 To be more like Steve? 385 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,267 - You son of a bitch! - [thuds] 386 00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:54,644 Ow! My arm! 387 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:58,564 - [grunting] - Show them you're a bully! 388 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,149 - Free for all! - [grunting continues] 389 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,568 [audience screaming] 390 00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:07,573 [inhales deeply] 391 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:11,202 [exhales in relief] Snot's basement, my safe place. 392 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,286 Figuratively. 393 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,205 The radon actually makes it pretty dangerous 394 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,581 to spend much time down here. 395 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:16,666 Are you okay? 396 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:17,875 We saw the show. 397 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,752 No. But I will be. 398 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,796 Thanks for doing this emergency sleepover. 399 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,924 You guys might be the only ones immune to the Mertz-mania. 400 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,801 - [footsteps approaching] - [Mertz] Hey, guys. 401 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:27,885 Sorry I'm late. 402 00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:30,221 Pizza Overlord keeps giving me pizzas. 403 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,140 I hope it's okay that I brought some. 404 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,433 Yum, yum, yum! I'm fat. 405 00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,769 [angrily] Is that what you all want me to say? 406 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,396 [angrily] You invited Mertz? 407 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:42,900 Steve, he said some beautiful things about you on Morning Mimosa. 408 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,819 I think he's being sincere. 409 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:47,029 {\an8}[in normal voice] And the Steve we saw in the show... 410 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,656 {\an8}[gulps] that wasn't you. 411 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,032 {\an8}[chomping] 412 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,578 {\an8}We thought the real Steve would want the chance to apologize. 413 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:54,745 No way! 414 00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,748 I'm not apologizing to that... That douche nozzle! 415 00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,500 - Whoa! - Too far, Steve. 416 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:02,420 We've always believed the carnival is an opportunity 417 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,005 to change who you are. 418 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:07,008 Why can't you accept that's also true for Mertz? 419 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,093 Because I didn't change! 420 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,095 I tried and I couldn't! 421 00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:14,307 And if I can't, then this monster doesn't deserve to! 422 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,808 [objects clattering] 423 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,185 [grunting] 424 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,645 Wrong, Steve. You did change. 425 00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:22,064 - [in normal voice] I did? - For the worse! 426 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:25,902 - [board shreds] - [screaming] 427 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,070 Look what I've done to your game. 428 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,238 I'll just go. 429 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,574 Enjoy the pies. 430 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,868 No! Mertz, stay. 431 00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:36,579 - Steve, you go. - [angrily] Me? 432 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,457 Look what you've become, Steve. 433 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,541 Get out! 434 00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:42,752 [whimpers] 435 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,796 [imitating Mertz's fans] "Ooh, Mertz, we all love you 436 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,840 "and your idiot broken arm, Mertz!" 437 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,425 - [thunder rumbling] - [rain pattering] 438 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,513 [imitating female fan] "Kiss my baby, Mertz. 439 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,182 "Now kiss me, Mertz." 440 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,226 "Now let's all kiss at the same time 441 00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,937 - "on Steve's stupid grave!" - [car engine whirring] 442 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,941 Steve! I got worried when it started raining. Hop in. 443 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,652 - Stop kissing everyone? - What? 444 00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:09,820 [♪ rock music playing over stereo] 445 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,948 Whoa. Is it raining? 446 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,200 I love my job! 447 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,702 - Leave me alone! - I can't. 448 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,789 I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you. 449 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,290 - [♪ rock music continues] - Oop. 450 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,292 Gotta blot that before it stains. 451 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,962 I got napkins here somewhere. 452 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,047 Look, maybe you have changed. 453 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,007 Maybe you're a completely different person. 454 00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:32,677 But that doesn't change the fact that I hate you. 455 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,970 And I hate that I'm gonna be 456 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,764 an afterthought to you the rest of my life! 457 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,017 Back in the seat. 458 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,436 Almost ready to look out the windshield again. 459 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,522 Where my eye drops at? 460 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,524 - [truck engine revving] - [screams] 461 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,276 - [engine accelerating] - Ah. 462 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:49,610 [screams in high-pitch] 463 00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,112 [truck tires, car tires screeching] 464 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,738 [tires rattling on road] 465 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,409 - Ooh. That was-- - [truck slams] 466 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,494 [♪ tense music playing] 467 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,124 - [Steve] Dad? - Oh, Steve! 468 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,333 We were so worried! 469 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:05,918 Are you naked? 470 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,963 Yes. Your mother prefers when I dress like this. 471 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,631 My arms. 472 00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:13,259 - I... I can't-- - ...believe I got the correct goat? 473 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,385 I believe. 474 00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:15,636 I always believed. 475 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,888 And now it doesn't matter if no one else understands. 476 00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,432 I understand a little. 477 00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:22,768 Oh, really, Jeff? What part exactly? 478 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,479 [sobbing] 479 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,482 Don't feel bad for him. 480 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,192 This is what he does! 481 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,403 And I've given up on the carnival circuit. 482 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,447 Kicked out, really, for hygiene reasons. 483 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:35,740 Gotta keep my eyes peeled 484 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,992 for something less buttoned-up than carny life. 485 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:40,119 And is that Klaus? 486 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,662 Timing will be of the essence. 487 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,372 While Sergei is clogging the filter, 488 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,124 it will be up to me to open the window 489 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,543 so Beth can catapult Pierre to freedom. 490 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,005 Oh, my God, guys. That's my family! 491 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,590 Get me out of here! 492 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:55,217 Good to leave? Seemed like you're in the middle of something. 493 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,636 An escape plan for the clownfish. 494 00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:58,304 It's fine. I wasn't crucial. 495 00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,014 - [filter burbling] - [fish splatters] 496 00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,351 Wonderful. You're awake. 497 00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:04,935 You're very lucky you made it. 498 00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:08,189 A certain hero got you here in the nick of time. 499 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,398 Oh, no. 500 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,359 - [curtain rattles] - [ventilator whooshing] 501 00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:12,985 Whoops! Wrong curtain. 502 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:15,446 The truck driver's in pretty rough shape. 503 00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:17,365 [curtain rattles] 504 00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:19,742 Lucky, too, that Mertz was a donor match. 505 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,869 Okay, everyone, that's visiting hours. 506 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:22,995 Steve needs rest. 507 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:28,000 Mertz, you can do whatever you like. 508 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:31,003 Come by the parking lot when you're done, and I'll smoke you out. 509 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,715 They gave me this Jel-O for giving blood, 510 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,593 and I... I figured you could use it more. 511 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,137 I've got a spoon here somewhere. 512 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,515 I guess I owe you an apology. 513 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,558 You really have changed. 514 00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:45,935 Into my belt? 515 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,312 Oh. You noticed my little trophy, huh? 516 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:49,438 [♪ menacing music plays] 517 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,774 [whispers] It's for defeating you completely. 518 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,609 - What? - [in normal voice] I was being honest 519 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,528 when I said you changed me, Smith. 520 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:59,490 You unlocked a whole new form of torture I didn't know was in me. 521 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:03,119 I call it long-form bullying. 522 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,496 - You're not even hurt. - Right? 523 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:08,749 And we're the only ones who will ever know. 524 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:13,170 I saved your life so I could ruin it, Smith. 525 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,423 Oh. There's that spoon. 526 00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:18,259 [sniffs, gags] Ugh, that's ripe. 527 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:21,804 {\an8}Hope this doesn't overpower your white grape Jel-O. 528 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,764 {\an8}It's a delicate taste. 529 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:25,975 [screaming] No! 530 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,150 You wanted to see me, detectives? 531 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,944 - We need you to take a look at something. - [button beeps] 532 00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:38,654 - [fridge door hisses] - [slab whirs] 533 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,114 [Steve] Am I supposed to know him? 534 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,950 The truck driver who hit you 50 years ago. 535 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,661 The guy who made you more metal than me. 536 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,079 I'm no filthy bot! 537 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:48,956 Easy. Easy. 538 00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:53,169 Our future technology has allowed us to do a retinal scan on cadavers 539 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,546 and see everything they've ever seen. 540 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:56,839 Show him, Kyle. 541 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,924 [scanner buzzing] 542 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:04,138 {\an8}I saved your life so I could ruin it, Smith. 543 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:08,976 {\an8}All your complaints over the years, and you were right all along. 544 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:12,271 {\an8}On behalf of the Langley Acid Falls Police Department, 545 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,982 {\an8}we want to issue an unofficial apology. 546 00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:16,358 {\an8}[sighs in relief] 547 00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:17,943 {\an8}Wait, unofficial? 548 00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,820 {\an8}We can't ever let this footage leak. 549 00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,697 {\an8}It'd cause global instability 550 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:25,868 {\an8}and threaten the reputation of the United States President. 551 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,787 {\an8}President Mertz. 552 00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:30,164 {\an8}Man, I'd love to get a belt like his. 553 00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:32,208 {\an8}Ah, so cool.