1 00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:03,404 ** 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,239 Well, it's official, 3 00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:07,908 the golden age of television has begun. 4 00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,244 "Step Brothers" is on every channel. 5 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:13,747 Help! Roger's trying to give me the bubonic plague! 6 00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:18,586 Whoa, there. You're breaking two rules -- 7 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,388 no weaponized plagues in the house 8 00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,022 and no running on the stairs. 9 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,658 But if Steve isn't dying, the Make-A-Wish Foundation 10 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,327 won't let us meet The Weeknd. 11 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,829 What? You want to meet Saturday and Sunday? 12 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,831 No! The Weeknd is a singer! 13 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,066 It's true, Stan. 14 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,735 Listen to his hit song, "Starboy"! 15 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,504 [ The Weeknd's "Starboy" plays ] 16 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,772 * I'm tryna put you in the worst mood, ah * 17 00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,374 Look at us. 18 00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:44,212 Dancing, grooving, feeling it. 19 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,746 Also, The Weeknd's hot. 20 00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:48,015 He's number one on my freebie list. 21 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,718 Those are the celebrities she's allowed to bone. 22 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:54,622 It's a long list, so number one is sayin' something. 23 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:57,758 He better drop six octaves if he wants to be on my radar. 24 00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,260 And this, Roger. 25 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,695 This is one of the good syringes for company. 26 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:04,398 You know the rules! You have a rule for everything! 27 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,900 Because you need them. You can't control yourself. 28 00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,570 I'll have you know, I had a salad for lunch. 29 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,239 Does that sound like someone 30 00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,706 who can't control themselves? [ Knock on door ] 31 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,242 Bobby: Hey, Roger, it's me, 32 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,576 Bobby from Grubhub! 33 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,378 I got two full trays of meatballs 34 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,747 and a meatball sub, extra meatballs. 35 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,650 The note says, "Put a rush on it, I can't control myself." 36 00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,318 Jesus Christ, Bobby. 37 00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:25,786 [ Crying ] 38 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:28,422 Ha ha. [ Laughs ] Oh, this part's great. 39 00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,924 [ Crying ] 40 00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:33,461 ** 41 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:36,096 * Good morning, U.S.A. 42 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:39,933 * I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day * 43 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:43,070 * The sun in the sky has a smile on his face * 44 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:47,475 * And he's shinin' a salute to the American race * 45 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:52,746 * Oh, boy, it's swell to say 46 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,183 * Good -- * Good morning, U.S.A. 47 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,284 Aah! 48 00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,921 * Good morning, U.S.A. 49 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,424 ** 50 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,093 [ Clears throat ] As you probably don't know, 51 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,629 I've been reading Alec Baldwin's book on parenting. 52 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,830 Go, Dad! 53 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,999 In it, Baldwin explains 54 00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,302 a term called "teachable moments." 55 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:17,838 And that's why you kidnapped this guy? 56 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,940 Ya nailed it, babe. 57 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,108 [ Family gasps ] 58 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,376 The Weeknd! 59 00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:23,811 Yo, where am I? 60 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,879 You're in a teachable moment, my man. 61 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,047 Oh, okay. Dope. 62 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,048 You're really here! 63 00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,850 At our dinner table! 64 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:32,553 You could sneeze, and your boogers would land on my food! 65 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,455 -Bro. -Mister The Weeknd, 66 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,990 Oh, my God, I am literally your biggest fan. 67 00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:39,193 Parties, drugs, supermodels. 68 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:42,363 You've inspired me to hate my boring life. 69 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,532 You've turned me against my family. 70 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:45,966 Thank you. 71 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,669 And how did this miracle happen, Roger? 72 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,705 Not by breaking the rules, but by following the rules -- 73 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:55,008 with government-sanctioned abductions and C.I.A. clearance. 74 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:57,645 [ Chuckles ] I-I thought you were gonna murder me. 75 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,146 [ Laughter ] 76 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,981 Silly Weeknd! 77 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,551 Dang, this family vibe is refreshing as hell. 78 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,185 More like boring as hell. 79 00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,687 More like hell nah. 80 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,155 Honestly, I miss being around 81 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,690 boring people like this family. 82 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,559 Together: Aww! 83 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,329 This lasagna's delicious. No, it's not! 84 00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,864 Roger. Attitude. 85 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,499 When my lame-ass chefs make lasagna, 86 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,933 it's all the same temperature. 87 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:22,503 I never get to crack a tooth on a frozen noodle 88 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,572 while burning my tongue on beef sauce. 89 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,840 [ Laughing ] Oh, Weeknd! 90 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,041 My secret? 91 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,177 I microwave it for 30 seconds, 92 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,614 then turn it, and microwave it for 15 minutes. 93 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,948 May I please have some more? 94 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,117 What's happening? You're a Starboy. 95 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,919 Starboys don't eat lasagna. 96 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:42,556 Starboys get all their nutrients from eating [bleep] 97 00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,057 Too far, Roger! 98 00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,193 Go to your room, and don't come down until I say so! 99 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,562 Aah! Oh, no! 100 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:51,765 Some of that lasagna got on my pants. 101 00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:54,735 I better take them off and stand in my underwear 102 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,704 in front of The Weeknd. 103 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,439 I'm gonna make you come...pletely clean 104 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,874 in the pants region. 105 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,209 * Mmmm! 106 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,546 * Because I really like lasagna! * 107 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,947 You call this clean? 108 00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,719 ** 109 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:15,055 Roger, are you ready to come down and apologize? 110 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,990 The Weeknd's telling us what it's like to ride 111 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,126 the Matterhorn all by himself! 112 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,262 Roger, I told you to stay in the attic. 113 00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,598 I don't have to! For your information, 114 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,934 Tuttle stole antibiotics from his mom, 115 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,436 and we're gonna feed them to sharks. 116 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:31,004 Oh, no, you're not gonna feed them to sharks. 117 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,941 Ow! Ooooowwwwwwww! 118 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,276 [ Lock engages ] Hey, you can't lock up my clothes! 119 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,011 Then I can't go out! You're the idiot 120 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,947 who leaves all their clothes in one place. 121 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,750 I got shirts and underwear stashed all over this house. 122 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,619 You never know when somebody's gonna try to ground you. 123 00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,921 Aah! I hate you! 124 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:51,024 Fine, but you're gonna hear me bowling all night! 125 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,828 [ Pins clatter ] 300! 126 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:57,631 I just rolled a perfect game, and nobody cares! 127 00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,633 This family sucks! 128 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,135 ** 129 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,304 Mom, there's something wrong with my water. 130 00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,440 It's too clear. The Weeknd thought 131 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,476 it would be "dope" to fix the plumbing 132 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:12,045 so I don't have to get our water from Tuttle's pond anymore. 133 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,614 Well, I'm glad The Weeknd 134 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,282 snaked someone's plumbing. 135 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,284 She's sad because she blew her one shot 136 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,986 to sleep with The Weeknd. 137 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,788 I'm sad she's sad. 138 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,657 But I'm also not sad she didn't sleep with him. 139 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:27,227 Those are my two emotions, sad and not sad. 140 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,997 Will you please go tell Roger he can come down? 141 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,533 He's been such a quiet, good boy. 142 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,072 Huh. Must be an apology video. 143 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,576 If you're watching this video, 144 00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:45,012 I've already switched places with The Weeknd. 145 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,414 Million on black, Leon. 146 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:49,316 And I'm enjoying his rule-free lifestyle. 147 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,851 And a million on red, Leon. 148 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,653 See, Stan, I wanted to show you 149 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,888 that I'd thrive without your stupid rules. 150 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,490 Leon: Double zero green! 151 00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,225 There's green?! 152 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,994 Leon, don't tell me there's rules to this game. 153 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,697 Oh, what's this? Free buffet? 154 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,866 All you can eat. No rules. 155 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,768 Just how I like it. 156 00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,071 [ Yawns ] 157 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,239 Morning, Stan. 158 00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,741 I slept so well. 159 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,509 Mmm, incredible. 160 00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,445 Where did you find a bed without girls in it? 161 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,716 ** 162 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,853 You sure you don't want to play pinochle, The Weeknd? 163 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,187 No, you go ahead. 164 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,956 I've been so busy singing hit songs, 165 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,624 I never get to fold laundry anymore. 166 00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:33,060 [ Sniffs ] I'm getting good. 167 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,431 Hey, everyone. 168 00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:38,866 [ Husky voice ] Hi, Weeknd. 169 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,067 Don't let me interrupt. 170 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,736 I just need to stretch. 171 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,304 Mmm! 172 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:47,575 Ooh! Yeah... 173 00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:48,909 Ugh! 174 00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,244 Whoa! 175 00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:54,448 Did you ever get boners in your old life, The Weeknd? 176 00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:55,716 All too often. 177 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,885 This family is a great break from boners. 178 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,920 [ Sighs ] 179 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,755 Man, I miss my fans, 180 00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,091 but I just know they're in good hands with Roger. 181 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,293 [ Intro to "Starboy" plays ] 182 00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:08,796 Roger: * I wanna tell you how I don't miss Stan, ah * 183 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,499 * His chin bigger than a mini-van, ah * 184 00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:14,134 * Life's much better as The Weeknd, though * 185 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,737 * Partial strip view at the Fla-min-go * 186 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,272 * Vodka in my thermos, bong's full of grass * 187 00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:22,643 * Never hit a donkey, but I do pound ass * 188 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:25,345 [ Crowd cheering ] 189 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:28,415 * 'Cause I'm a mother[bleep] Starboy! * 190 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,416 [ Gulping ] 191 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,285 Groupies, meet The Weeknd. 192 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,021 Very nice, Klaus. 193 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,422 Security! 194 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,957 Klaus, a weirdo snuck backstage with you! 195 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,526 That's Vu. 196 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:42,195 He's a weird hang but an excellent drug dealer. 197 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,831 Apologies, Vu. 198 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,634 Okay, my entourage has taken shape. 199 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,268 We have Vu, groupies, 200 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,504 Klaus as my manager -- Sick! 201 00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,873 But I'm lacking something. 202 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:56,376 Yes, my entourage is missing an energy guy... 203 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,712 Klaus, bring me Breckin Meyer. 204 00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:01,181 [ Scoffs ] You can't get Breckin. 205 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,950 Nobody can get Breckin. 206 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,685 He's the ultimate energy guy! 207 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,219 Just make it happen. 208 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,221 We're gonna take drugs and see that show at Excalibur. 209 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:09,657 "Tournament of Kings"?! 210 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,191 That's the only show in Vegas 211 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:14,294 where they don't vacuum the floors afterwards! 212 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,563 Hey, Vu, got anything on you 213 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,865 that'll make me feel like a king? 214 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,669 You're a good drug dealer, Vu. 215 00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:27,440 ** 216 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,210 [ Ringing ] 217 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,712 Roger: Vu, you little minx! 218 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:32,913 I'm buzzing you in. 219 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,548 [ Horn honks ] 220 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,349 It's Francine, Roger. 221 00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:37,517 Vuuuu! 222 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,052 Get up here, Vuuuu! 223 00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,520 [ Horn honks ] 224 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:43,256 Are you trying to buzz me into your apartment? 225 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,424 [ Horn honking ] 226 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,994 Vu, dude, you gotta pull when I buzz! 227 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,029 Klaus got in touch with Breckin Meyer! 228 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,064 He's flying in from Los Cabos! 229 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,733 It's about to get wild. 230 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,434 That new stuff you gave me? 231 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,770 You should call it clown blood on the windshield 232 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:59,206 because that's all I'm seein', baby! 233 00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,207 Hang on, Bobo! 234 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,943 You're gonna make it! 235 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:06,714 [ Mournful trombone music plays ] 236 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:10,383 [ Crying ] Nooooo! 237 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,452 [ Blows nose ] 238 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:18,191 Ugh, I am never doing drugs again. 239 00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,360 Maybe Stan was on target. 240 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,862 Do you need rules, brah? 241 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,698 Wha-aw-gah-jah-yah-jah-- No! 242 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,133 You blew $40 million 243 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,401 playing a female Ghostbusters slot machine. 244 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:31,104 Oh, so there can't be female Ghostbusters? 245 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,405 It's the 21st century. 246 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,241 Women can bust every ghost a man can. 247 00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:35,776 Oh, no, no, no, no. 248 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,878 I'm only worried about you losing your money. 249 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:41,381 So you prefer I lose my money on a male Ghostbusters machine? 250 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,450 I don't want you to lose your money at all! 251 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,885 Why? 'Cause I'm a man?! 252 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,787 If a woman lost her money, you wouldn't be upset? 253 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:51,091 How -- How would a woman have money? 254 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,493 I got ya! I knew I'd get ya! 255 00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,596 I am dying. This is rock bottom. 256 00:09:56,630 --> 00:10:00,100 Sharing a jail cell with the one misogynist in the system. 257 00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,902 I gotta call Stan for help. 258 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,070 I deeply respect women. 259 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,572 ** 260 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,941 Announcer: We interrupt this broadcast of "Step Brothers"... 261 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:08,976 Noooo! Ahhhh! 262 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,577 What the hell?! 263 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,412 ...to bring you "Step Brothers" in its entirety. 264 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,613 Yeahhhh! Whoo-hoo! 265 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,816 Hell yeah! [ Telephone rings ] 266 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,117 This better be good. 267 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,351 I'm in the middle of "Step Brothers," 268 00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:19,452 and it's about to start. 269 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,088 Stan, it's me. 270 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,657 Your old pal, Roger. Um... 271 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:24,992 I'm in a bit of a bind. 272 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,260 Maybe got out of control a smidge. 273 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,996 To quote the Beatles, "Help. 274 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,463 I need Stan's body." 275 00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:32,532 Well, as En Vogue says, 276 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:36,269 "Never gonna get it, never, ever gonna get it." 277 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,771 That was Roger begging for help. 278 00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,306 Why did you hang up?! 279 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,341 He made this mess, and he can get himself out. 280 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,177 If he's asking for help, hasn't he learned his lesson? 281 00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:48,115 Simple boy, right now his lesson is like wet cement. 282 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:52,152 If we bail Roger out, the cement will evaporate. 283 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,187 Yeah, that's not how cement works. 284 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,623 ** 285 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,725 Sir, sir? 286 00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,127 Is your baby breathing? 287 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,661 Stan isn't coming. 288 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,163 We're gonna die in here. 289 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,198 Officer: I wouldn't be so sure about that. 290 00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,400 I've never heard of you, but the D.A.'s daughter's 291 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,537 a big fan and said we have to let you out. 292 00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:11,905 Sweet! Later, Klaus. 293 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:14,007 What about me?! Suck it, Klaus! 294 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,575 You're gonna die in here! 295 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,845 Of course I knew you were getting out, too. 296 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:18,846 It's just jokes. 297 00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,480 I love jokes myself. 298 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,750 Hey, I got a good one for ya. 299 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,386 'Sup, boners?! 300 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,688 [ Rock music plays ] 301 00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:33,393 This was crazy, and I love it. Hit me later. 302 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,428 Pound, pound. Back to Cabo. 303 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:38,431 Swim in a T-shirt 'cause I get crazy sunburned. 304 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:39,867 Love your music, dude. 305 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,301 [ Engine starts ] 306 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,574 ** 307 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:50,210 I learned a valuable lesson while I was in jail. 308 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,378 Well, that's good! 309 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,213 I learned I was right. 310 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,682 Rules suck, and it's better to be The Weeknd. 311 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:56,850 Uh-huh. 312 00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,618 Rules, restrictions, 313 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,120 shackles of the mind. 314 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,522 Today, I free myself from those. 315 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,057 And I free you, too! 316 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,425 Blast off with me, Klaus! 317 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,194 Tell me your wildest dream! 318 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,529 I'd like to have a really nice dinner 319 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,198 with a woman who loves me. 320 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,266 Did you say "music festival"? 321 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,468 -No. -Your wish is my command. 322 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,604 An island music festival by day, 323 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,873 and a no-rules utopia by night... 324 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:20,874 and also day. 325 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:22,075 Music at night, too. 326 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,711 Well...where will we do it, Roger? 327 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,913 Right here. 328 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,414 I only see water. 329 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,416 Some things you see with your eyes, 330 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:32,585 and some things you see with the drugs that Vu gave you. 331 00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,254 Let's ride! Aah! 332 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,389 Ooh, keychains with your name on it. 333 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,758 I'm gonna be "Doris" from now on. 334 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,560 $27?! 335 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,063 Uch, I'm just gonna keep being The Weeknd. 336 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,498 [ Sultry music plays ] 337 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,237 Are you sure you'll be okay if I sleep with The Weeknd? 338 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,139 If you sleep with The Weeknd? 339 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,942 When you sleep with The Weeknd. 340 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,144 And, no, I'm not sure. Hold still. 341 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,246 You really think The Weeknd will sleep with me? 342 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,848 I've given you the tools. 343 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,249 You've gotta do the hammering. 344 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,316 [ Knock on door ] 345 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:04,985 Hold still. 346 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:09,156 Hey, I got your text. Everything okay? 347 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,423 It is... 348 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,925 now. 349 00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:15,295 Mm, you are so tight. 350 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,164 [ Gasps ] Are you wearing bug spray? 351 00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,966 Shit. 352 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,834 How about a little massage? 353 00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,103 Hayley, we can't do this. 354 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,371 Yes, we can! 355 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:27,207 Weeknd, you son of a bitch! 356 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,343 What's it gonna take for you to nail my wife?! 357 00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:31,845 Look, I'm sorry, 358 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,646 but it has nothing to do with Hayley. 359 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,682 I have a confession. 360 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,550 I've never told anyone this before. 361 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,620 * Had a lot of girls in my day * 362 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,289 * Wanted more from me 363 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,192 * But there's only really one way * 364 00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,894 * To start a family 365 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:51,031 * And I know you can't believe it's true * 366 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:54,834 * But I'm man enough to say to you * 367 00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:58,071 * I'm a virgin 368 00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,974 * Never got close enough 369 00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:04,511 * Cellphone blowing up, but I'm waiting * 370 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,915 * For the right person 371 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,816 * Trying to act super-tough 372 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:13,653 * But, inside, I'm a 12-year-old boy * 373 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,822 [ Whistle blows ] 374 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,191 * I see you looking in a strong way * 375 00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,493 * But I won't give it up 376 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,429 * Supermodels, they were all fake * 377 00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,764 * 'Cause I never humped 378 00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,566 * And I know you 379 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,701 * I know you want to 380 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:32,239 * But I'm man enough to say to you * 381 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,407 * Oh [ Whistle blows ] 382 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,609 * Underneath the lies and the big talk * 383 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,046 * I've been waiting for a wife * 384 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:41,714 * I never watched porn, never did drugs * 385 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,516 * 'Cause I'm terrified 386 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,285 * And I know you 387 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,687 * You can't believe it's true 388 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,391 * But I'm man enough to say to you * 389 00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:54,894 * I'm a virgin, uh 390 00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:57,130 * Never got close enough 391 00:14:57,164 --> 00:15:00,800 * Cellphone blowing up, but I'm waiting * 392 00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:02,769 * For the right person 393 00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:06,706 * You wanna hold hands, then sign me up * 394 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:10,410 * But just know you're not gonna score * 395 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,480 * I'm a virgin 396 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,815 * Never got close enough 397 00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:19,619 * Pure as a dove, and I'm waiting * 398 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:23,056 * For the right person 399 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,325 * Never once been touched 400 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:29,862 * The power of God in my loins * 401 00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:33,733 So, yeah, I'm a virgin. Why? 402 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,668 Containing my seed gives me superpowers 403 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,404 other singers don't possess. 404 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,573 Right now I'm using my virgin power to win Grammys. 405 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,309 But if my calculations are correct, 406 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,611 soon my nut sack will be a time machine. 407 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,180 * I'm tryna [bleep] with dinosaurs * 408 00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,648 I feel dirty! 409 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:52,552 I put a virgin at the top of my freebie list! 410 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,990 Wow. 411 00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,028 Oop! Ah. 412 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,495 You guys were smart. 413 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,964 You all went with sandwiches from Panera. 414 00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,200 There it is! Festival island! 415 00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,202 [ Dramatic music plays ] 416 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,771 I see a ridiculously active volcano. 417 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,706 Yeah, she's gorgeous! 418 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,142 Vu, bring us down. 419 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,309 Keep us up, Vu! 420 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:17,544 It's all lava! 421 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,046 Quiet, Klaus. I'm in charge. 422 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:22,382 That giant wave is about to cool us a runway. 423 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,484 Aah! 424 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,156 ** 425 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,623 [ Cellphone chimes ] 426 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:34,061 Whoa, Klaus just sent a suh-weet pic of a volcano. 427 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,062 Cool. And a text. 428 00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,396 Yuck. 429 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:39,366 Says, "Roger and I are about to die." 430 00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:42,335 Uch. Mute...conversation. 431 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,571 Stan, your rules backfired! 432 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,506 And now Roger's gonna die! 433 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,707 And Klaus. 434 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,042 We have to save them! 435 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,010 [ Sighs ] You're right. 436 00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:53,580 Francine, what's your wildest dream? 437 00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,982 Going to the moon, realizing it's really small, 438 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,650 then throwing it like a baseball. 439 00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:58,818 Did you say... 440 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,420 "meet The Weeknd"? 441 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:01,421 [ Gasps ] 442 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:02,889 [ Sighs ] 443 00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:08,728 We have three days to build a music utopia. 444 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,897 Let's scout locations for the main stage. 445 00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,865 [ Explosion ] 446 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:16,569 [ Woman screaming ] 447 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:18,105 [ Women sighing ] 448 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,272 [ Woman screaming ] 449 00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:20,707 [ Water splashes ] 450 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,442 Oh, my God. 451 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,511 Where's the rest of the gang? 452 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:25,712 They're dead! 453 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,347 Like we're gonna be dead! 454 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,881 Like the 10,000 ticket holders 455 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,484 you suckered into coming here are gonna be dead! 456 00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,587 Ah! Aah! 457 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:36,356 Going for a little dip, huh? 458 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,958 Well, I, for one, am getting down to business. 459 00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,460 [ Animal shrieks ] 460 00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,262 [ Gulping ] 461 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:45,532 ** 462 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,733 Hang in there, baby. 463 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,067 As soon as we rescue Roger, 464 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:50,069 this antidote will fix you right up. 465 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,872 [ Weakly ] Do it now. Please, Stan. 466 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,807 Francine, I'm trying to do the right thing here. 467 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,543 I could use your support. 468 00:17:56,576 --> 00:18:00,280 -Captain on the bridge! -You must be little Francine. 469 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,415 We'll get you that selfie with The Weeknd, 470 00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:03,816 come hell or high water. 471 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,785 Sir, we have visual on The Weeknd! 472 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,086 Wow. 473 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,422 I've really made a mess of things. 474 00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,924 And everybody's given up on me. 475 00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,059 Except you. 476 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,094 Thank you. 477 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,663 [ Ship horn blows ] 478 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,834 [ Camera shutter clicks ] Shaxx: Just crop myself out... 479 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:22,835 Bingo. 480 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,737 [ Camera shutter clicks ] 481 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,273 "Wishin'" accomplished! 482 00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:29,108 If you infect anyone else, we can come back for them. 483 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:30,943 If that's their wish. 484 00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:34,181 Our business is granting wishes, not suggesting them. 485 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,115 [ Drum cadence plays ] 486 00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,119 Stan! You saved me! 487 00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:43,690 It's one of my rules -- Keep my loved ones safe. 488 00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:46,426 [ Gasps ] And that includes me! 489 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,528 Stan, I'm sorry. 490 00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,130 I thought being a Smith was boring -- and it is -- 491 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,799 but it's better than this. 492 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,000 Can I come home? 493 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,268 [ Coughing ] 494 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,869 Oh, right. Francine. 495 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:59,672 Sorry, Roger. I just need to cure my wife's bubonic plague. 496 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,843 You butterfingers sonuva-- 497 00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,712 You're choking me, my love. 498 00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,314 You killed me. 499 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,948 The Weeknd: Hello! 500 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,883 ** 501 00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:13,152 Special delivery! 502 00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,422 [ Rock music plays ] 503 00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,525 [ Synthesizer plays ] 504 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,992 She's dying, The Weeknd. 505 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,828 This is a murder. 506 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,696 Don't worry. I'm a virgin. 507 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:26,499 -Really? -Stan, I think I can help. 508 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,835 Right now, I have enough virgin seed in my balls 509 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,703 to produce five hit albums... 510 00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:31,904 or save one life. 511 00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:33,373 I don't understand. 512 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:36,042 I'm so very glad you kidnapped me, old friend. 513 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,379 ** 514 00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:44,183 Virgin power! 515 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:47,354 [ Moaning ] 516 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,724 What the [bleep] is happening? 517 00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,661 The Weeknd cured Francine, 518 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:59,399 but it drained his virginal life energy. 519 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,234 No, I was talking about your pants. 520 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,202 You tied them into a life raft. 521 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,604 That's sick, bro. 522 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,273 He's dying, Stan! 523 00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:07,940 Don't go, The Weeknd! 524 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,577 That's the thing that sucks about weekends -- 525 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:13,846 They've gotta end sometime. 526 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,716 Whoa! His last words were a joke! 527 00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:17,884 Guy nailed it! 528 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,252 Keep it 100, y'all. 529 00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:20,587 Ah, he blew it. 530 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,088 [ Rumbling ] 531 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:29,596 ** 532 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:35,302 ** 533 00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,637 Explain that. Okay. 534 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:42,875 As volcanic islands form, they search for identity. 535 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:46,145 This island chose The Weeknd's soul 536 00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:48,648 as its metaphysical blueprint. 537 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,483 You're a solid dude, Vu. 538 00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:53,986 If you ever deal drugs near Chimdale, look me up. 539 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,922 I'd like that. Announcer: We apologize. 540 00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,424 Due to an error in scheduling, 541 00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:59,392 you saw an episode of "American Dad." 542 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:02,161 We now return you to "Step Brothers." 543 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:03,963 Have a great night!