1 00:00:02,718 --> 00:00:05,074 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 2 00:00:05,074 --> 00:00:08,831 ♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 3 00:00:08,831 --> 00:00:11,628 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 4 00:00:11,628 --> 00:00:15,185 ♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪ 5 00:00:17,902 --> 00:00:20,979 ♪ Oh, boy it's swell to say ♪ 6 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,736 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 7 00:00:25,695 --> 00:00:28,771 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 8 00:00:32,886 --> 00:00:34,805 -Firing pin! -Hammer! 9 00:00:34,805 --> 00:00:36,923 -Breech bolt! -Come on. Easy game. Name the gun part! 10 00:00:36,923 --> 00:00:38,242 -Breech bolt! -Muzzle! 11 00:00:38,242 --> 00:00:39,880 Point for Steve! Good one, Son. 12 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,598 -Breech bolt! -Steve already guessed it, Klaus. 13 00:00:41,598 --> 00:00:43,756 Yeah, what are you? An idiot? 14 00:00:43,756 --> 00:00:47,152 Say that in mein bowl! I dare you! Say that in mein bowl! 15 00:00:47,152 --> 00:00:50,110 Wow, Hayley! Some dye job. 16 00:00:50,110 --> 00:00:53,026 The carpet match the curtains? 17 00:00:53,026 --> 00:00:55,784 -What did you do to your hair? -I dyed it at a Green Party rally. 18 00:00:55,784 --> 00:00:58,422 You missed family game night for that? Go wash it out! 19 00:00:58,422 --> 00:01:00,619 You look like a slutty wad of money. 20 00:01:00,619 --> 00:01:02,857 -No way! -Yes way! 21 00:01:02,857 --> 00:01:04,176 -Stan! -She started it! 22 00:01:04,176 --> 00:01:06,094 It's my hair. I'm keeping it. 23 00:01:06,094 --> 00:01:08,291 What the hell is wrong with that girl? 24 00:01:08,291 --> 00:01:10,889 Do I have to smell like B.O. and hump a redwood just to get through to her? 25 00:01:10,889 --> 00:01:13,767 Stan, I'm sure this green-hair thing is a phase. 26 00:01:13,767 --> 00:01:16,043 I bet by tomorrow she'll already be over it. 27 00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,641 Something tells me you're right. 28 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,676 -Shh, shh, shh, shh. -Sandman's a-calling. 29 00:01:23,676 --> 00:01:25,954 Shh, shh, shh. That's right. That's right. 30 00:01:25,954 --> 00:01:29,350 Bigfoot's baking sugar cookies and Santa wants to take you to the Oscars. 31 00:01:32,308 --> 00:01:35,224 -How's everyone's French toast? -Smelly and ungrateful! 32 00:01:35,224 --> 00:01:37,223 But this American toast is delicious! 33 00:01:38,861 --> 00:01:41,738 Well, Sleeping Beauty's finally up. 34 00:01:41,738 --> 00:01:45,215 Whoa! Nice dome. You're almost as ugly as Roger. 35 00:01:45,215 --> 00:01:48,052 I'm not ugly! Am I? 36 00:01:48,052 --> 00:01:52,008 -How dare you! -How dare I? How dare I? 37 00:01:52,008 --> 00:01:54,725 I'm sorry. I was at the shooting range this morning, and I left in my earplugs. 38 00:01:54,725 --> 00:01:56,643 -Did you say, "How dare I?" -Mom! 39 00:01:56,643 --> 00:01:59,721 -Oh, Stan, how could you? -How could I? How could I? 40 00:01:59,721 --> 00:02:01,798 Sorry. Backup pair. 41 00:02:01,798 --> 00:02:04,675 It's okay, honey. You don't look like a giant penis. 42 00:02:04,675 --> 00:02:07,912 -How am I supposed to go to school with no hair? -Already got you covered. 43 00:02:07,912 --> 00:02:10,350 -Wigs? -Not just any wigs. 44 00:02:10,350 --> 00:02:13,746 These are styled after the most revered Republican first ladies of our time. 45 00:02:13,746 --> 00:02:16,184 The Barbara Bush, the Nancy Reagan, 46 00:02:16,184 --> 00:02:19,620 the Maria Shriver-- stay tuned. 47 00:02:19,620 --> 00:02:21,538 Those are terrible! 48 00:02:21,538 --> 00:02:24,176 Most girls your age have to go through chemo to get a wig this nice. 49 00:02:24,176 --> 00:02:26,694 Do me a favor. Stay out of my life! 50 00:02:26,694 --> 00:02:28,811 How do I look now, Steve? 51 00:02:28,811 --> 00:02:32,008 Pretty enough for you? Huh? Ah, forget it! 52 00:02:36,284 --> 00:02:38,922 Hey, turn down that rap music! It's a bad influence! 53 00:02:38,922 --> 00:02:42,637 -I swear, yo, shorty be leaning on my last nerve! -Well, what do you expect? 54 00:02:42,637 --> 00:02:44,756 You shaved her head in her sleep. 55 00:02:44,756 --> 00:02:48,432 And putting her hand in that bowl of warm water? That was just overkill. 56 00:02:48,432 --> 00:02:50,789 I wanted to see if it works. It totally does. 57 00:02:50,789 --> 00:02:52,827 Oh, finally. 58 00:02:52,827 --> 00:02:55,624 -Mom, is my wig straight? -Perfect. 59 00:02:55,624 --> 00:02:57,542 What is that? Horsehair? 60 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,698 Jeff's here. Later. 61 00:03:01,698 --> 00:03:04,575 -Who's Jeff? -My boyfriend. Don't wait up. 62 00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:07,253 Boyfriend? How can she be old enough to have a boyfriend? 63 00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:09,851 She still wets her bed. 64 00:03:09,851 --> 00:03:13,966 Stan, you're so stressed. You want me to make you happy with my mouth? 65 00:03:13,966 --> 00:03:16,084 Yeah, I guess so. 66 00:03:22,478 --> 00:03:24,475 Well, that helps a little. 67 00:03:24,475 --> 00:03:27,273 Stan, maybe you'd feel better if we met this boy. 68 00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,790 Why don't we have him over for dinner so you can get to know him? 69 00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:33,707 That's brilliant, Francine! Now rephrase it so it sounds like my idea. 70 00:03:36,704 --> 00:03:39,061 Man, that dance is gonna be a rager! 71 00:03:39,061 --> 00:03:41,738 Yeah. It's too bad we can't get dates. 72 00:03:41,738 --> 00:03:45,814 What? Fellas, girls want to get down just as bad as we do. 73 00:03:45,814 --> 00:03:47,732 Here, here. Watch. 74 00:03:47,732 --> 00:03:49,930 Hey, foxy. Ohh! 75 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,768 You got something to say, Barry? 76 00:03:52,768 --> 00:03:54,965 Easy, Steve. We're just not studs. 77 00:03:54,965 --> 00:03:57,243 We are the geeks who don't get the choice babes 78 00:03:57,243 --> 00:03:59,561 until we're making major cash in our mid-to-late 30s. 79 00:04:04,516 --> 00:04:06,593 No. No, no. You know what? 80 00:04:06,593 --> 00:04:08,511 Not only am I going to that dance, 81 00:04:08,511 --> 00:04:11,548 but I'll bet each of you 20 bucks I also get boob. 82 00:04:11,548 --> 00:04:14,786 -Bring back the bra to prove it? -I'll do you one better! 83 00:04:14,786 --> 00:04:18,421 I'll wear it back! No. Actually, I'll just bring it. 84 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,616 My surfboard nails me in the head, and I go down like a bag of rocks. 85 00:04:24,616 --> 00:04:28,611 And just then, my life flashes before my eyes, 86 00:04:28,611 --> 00:04:30,529 and I'm bored. 87 00:04:30,529 --> 00:04:33,486 He's bored! 88 00:04:33,486 --> 00:04:36,204 Oh, you took us the other way with it, Jeff. Thank you. 89 00:04:36,204 --> 00:04:38,522 Hey, I just hope one day I, too, have a daughter 90 00:04:38,522 --> 00:04:40,639 who's as smart and wonderful as Hayley. 91 00:04:40,639 --> 00:04:43,196 Oh! Isn't he sweet, Stan? 92 00:04:43,196 --> 00:04:45,715 He sure is. Next time I'm out of Jolly Ranchers, 93 00:04:45,715 --> 00:04:47,912 I'm just gonna suck on Jeff. 94 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:51,349 Jeff, you were so good at dinner. 95 00:04:51,349 --> 00:04:55,704 Babe, we're good together. Which is why I was thinking you should move in with me. 96 00:04:55,704 --> 00:04:58,461 Whoa! It's only been three weeks. 97 00:04:58,461 --> 00:05:00,939 Besides, I don't think my dad would be too happy with that. 98 00:05:00,939 --> 00:05:04,295 Babe, your dad digs me. I can tell. He wants us to be together. 99 00:05:08,571 --> 00:05:11,928 Great. Now it's officially a sausage fest. 100 00:05:11,928 --> 00:05:16,004 See you tomorrow, fellows. Hey, Sanchez, try to get to work on time for a change. 101 00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:19,281 Hey. No fair. 102 00:05:19,281 --> 00:05:23,516 Hey, don't make me come up there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you'd better fly. 103 00:05:23,516 --> 00:05:26,154 Huh. Ah, what a bunch of clowns. 104 00:05:28,151 --> 00:05:31,148 There. Now you can talk, and we took care of that mustache. 105 00:05:31,148 --> 00:05:34,266 Dad, are you insane? You can't just abduct me like that! 106 00:05:34,266 --> 00:05:37,702 Hey! Don't you use that word in this house. I "liberated" you. 107 00:05:37,702 --> 00:05:40,340 And maybe next time you'll think twice before dating the wrong guy. 108 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,099 There's nothing wrong with Jeff. 109 00:05:42,099 --> 00:05:43,616 Too bad. I forbid you to see him. 110 00:05:43,616 --> 00:05:45,454 -What? -Stan, I'm not sure we should-- 111 00:05:45,454 --> 00:05:47,612 -Francine, wait in the car. -What? 112 00:05:47,612 --> 00:05:50,329 Hayley, this is for your own good. Jeff was much too relaxed at dinner. 113 00:05:50,329 --> 00:05:52,648 He had the laid-back attitude of a stone man. 114 00:05:52,648 --> 00:05:55,404 -Do you mean a stoner? -Go wait in the car with your mother. 115 00:05:55,404 --> 00:05:57,403 You can't do this. I'm 18. 116 00:05:57,403 --> 00:05:59,919 While you're under my roof, you'll live by my rules. 117 00:05:59,919 --> 00:06:02,398 Dude, this is your house! 118 00:06:02,398 --> 00:06:05,514 And you're alive! 119 00:06:05,514 --> 00:06:08,751 Well, guess what, Dad? I don't have to listen to your rules anymore. 120 00:06:08,751 --> 00:06:10,669 -I'm moving in with Jeff. -What? 121 00:06:10,669 --> 00:06:13,786 -Right on, babe. -Hayley, don't go! 122 00:06:13,786 --> 00:06:16,383 You get back here, Hayley! No? 123 00:06:16,383 --> 00:06:20,219 -Well, I didn't want to have to use this, but... rhubarb! -Rhubarb? 124 00:06:20,219 --> 00:06:23,017 Mm. That's her trigger word. I had her brainwashed at five. 125 00:06:23,017 --> 00:06:26,094 She's supposed to kill Walter Mondale, but I guess it didn't take. 126 00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:32,128 -Come on. Let's go to your place. -This is my place. 127 00:06:32,128 --> 00:06:36,963 -What? You live in your van? -No. We live in our van. 128 00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:40,079 My mom had me right where you're sitting. 129 00:06:46,793 --> 00:06:49,191 Jeff, how could you not tell me you live in your van? 130 00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:52,028 Babe, we did it. We took the plunge. 131 00:06:52,028 --> 00:06:54,226 Come celebrate on the patio. 132 00:06:54,226 --> 00:06:56,703 Can we just get out of here? I got to get away from my parents. 133 00:06:56,703 --> 00:07:00,140 This van is our pen, and the road is our parchment, 134 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:03,216 and together we'll drive a poem across America. 135 00:07:07,772 --> 00:07:11,329 Yep. This is the spot. We are right where we need to be. 136 00:07:11,329 --> 00:07:13,487 Uh! I got to use the can. 137 00:07:16,004 --> 00:07:19,641 Oh, Stan, I can't believe our little girl moved out. 138 00:07:19,641 --> 00:07:22,079 Oh, Francine, you are gonna love this. 139 00:07:22,079 --> 00:07:25,515 Jeff-- Y-You know Jeff-- Jeff lives in his van. 140 00:07:25,515 --> 00:07:29,511 And the piece of junk just broke down right outside. She's not going anywhere. 141 00:07:29,511 --> 00:07:32,428 Stan, are-are you sure she's safe-- -Hey, Hayley! 142 00:07:32,428 --> 00:07:35,345 At least the last time you ran away, you made it all the way to the stop sign! 143 00:07:35,345 --> 00:07:38,102 Aw, that's funny. I'm funny. 144 00:07:38,102 --> 00:07:40,659 Don't egg her on! She'll never want to come back. 145 00:07:40,659 --> 00:07:42,817 Francine, she hates it in there. 146 00:07:42,817 --> 00:07:44,976 By morning, she'll be back in bed wearing her footsie pajamas 147 00:07:44,976 --> 00:07:47,014 and sucking on her Lion King blankie. 148 00:07:47,014 --> 00:07:50,810 -But she got rid of those things years ago. -Not in here she didn't. 149 00:07:52,208 --> 00:07:55,485 Oh, Stan, our little girl is back! 150 00:07:55,485 --> 00:07:58,082 Hey, I didn't order "rude" service. 151 00:07:58,082 --> 00:08:01,279 -Roger, why aren't you in the attic? -Oh, it's so cold and drafty, 152 00:08:01,279 --> 00:08:03,996 which is great for a Michelob, but I got to sleep up there. 153 00:08:03,996 --> 00:08:06,993 Oh, yeah. That's good. That's not too bright. That's fine. 154 00:08:06,993 --> 00:08:09,031 Stan, she's still out there. 155 00:08:11,068 --> 00:08:12,986 What is she squatting over? 156 00:08:12,986 --> 00:08:14,904 Oh, Hayley, that's not how you make coffee. 157 00:08:14,904 --> 00:08:18,662 -Is Roger moving into Hayley's room? -No, he is not. 158 00:08:18,662 --> 00:08:20,739 Fine. I'll go up to the frigid attic. 159 00:08:20,739 --> 00:08:23,776 I'm supposed to bring pneumonia back to my home planet anyway. 160 00:08:23,776 --> 00:08:28,331 Stan, I want my baby girl home. Just go down there and apologize. 161 00:08:28,331 --> 00:08:31,328 No! No apologies. George W. taught me that. 162 00:08:31,328 --> 00:08:34,046 I just have to remind her how great life is in the Smith home. 163 00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:36,123 Babe, keep tonight open. 164 00:08:36,123 --> 00:08:38,362 Marco and Skye are having a wine and cheese thing in their Tercel. 165 00:08:41,439 --> 00:08:44,156 Oh, hi, Hayley. I got you a clown and a petting zoo. 166 00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:46,194 Sure you don't want to move back in? 167 00:08:46,194 --> 00:08:49,231 Maybe the clown will ride the pig. Man, we're having fun! 168 00:08:51,348 --> 00:08:53,546 -How much longer do I have you for? -Two hours. 169 00:08:53,546 --> 00:08:56,303 Go read to my wife. 170 00:08:57,983 --> 00:09:00,620 Uhh! 171 00:09:01,618 --> 00:09:03,976 How's the bra hunt coming? 172 00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:07,173 Making progress. A girl just groped me with her foot. 173 00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:13,247 What the heck? Since when does Frankle reel in the babes? 174 00:09:13,247 --> 00:09:15,644 Oh, he's got the sympathy factor working for him. 175 00:09:15,644 --> 00:09:18,481 His little brother got his arm stuck in a ski lift, tore it right off. 176 00:09:18,481 --> 00:09:21,159 -Boy, that sucks! -Not for Frankle. 177 00:09:21,159 --> 00:09:24,235 Sure, girls. I'll judge your kissing contest. 178 00:09:26,194 --> 00:09:28,911 -Good news, Francine. -Hayley's back? 179 00:09:28,911 --> 00:09:33,027 -Even better. Say hello to your new daughter! -What? 180 00:09:33,027 --> 00:09:35,744 -Isn't she beautiful? -Is that a Chinese baby? 181 00:09:35,744 --> 00:09:37,702 Sure is. Japanese to be specific. 182 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:40,299 Stan, I don't want a new daughter. 183 00:09:40,299 --> 00:09:43,696 Don't you get it? I want my Hayley! 184 00:09:43,696 --> 00:09:46,933 One of us pooped. 185 00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:52,608 Hayley, what happened? You used to be so easy. 186 00:09:52,608 --> 00:09:54,845 -Eat your peas, Hayley. -Why? 187 00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:58,002 So you can be strong enough to fight off President Clinton's sexual advances. 188 00:09:58,002 --> 00:10:00,999 Oh, there he is right outside. 189 00:10:03,956 --> 00:10:06,873 Hey, Stan. Did you hear? Sanders just killed his first dictator. 190 00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:10,109 Well, first he was a U.S. ally, then a dictator. 191 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:13,427 -Yeah, a dictator. I mean, it's good. I'm happy. -Hey, we got to celebrate! 192 00:10:13,427 --> 00:10:16,543 -Lunch and drinks Friday at the place with the buffet? -Great! 193 00:10:16,543 --> 00:10:18,422 So, Stan, did Hayley move back in? 194 00:10:18,422 --> 00:10:20,939 No. And Francine is just devastated. 195 00:10:20,939 --> 00:10:23,816 I mean, if she's this upset now, what's she gonna be like when Hayley dies? 196 00:10:23,816 --> 00:10:26,693 Have you talked to Hayley? You know, to let her know how much you want her home? 197 00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:30,289 Absolutely not! I could never grovel to my own daughter. 198 00:10:30,289 --> 00:10:33,207 But I think I know someone who could. 199 00:10:33,207 --> 00:10:35,685 -Paper or plastic? -Burlap. 200 00:10:35,685 --> 00:10:38,482 I, too, share your annoying concern for the environment. 201 00:10:38,482 --> 00:10:42,637 -Dad? -No! No, I am former Communist named Petrov. 202 00:10:42,637 --> 00:10:45,435 Like you, I embrace insane left-wing philosophies 203 00:10:45,435 --> 00:10:48,351 -which are best discussed in comfort of parents' home. -Dad, leave me alone. 204 00:10:48,351 --> 00:10:51,989 All right, I've had enough of this. You're coming home with me right now or else. 205 00:10:51,989 --> 00:10:55,184 -Or else what? -That'll be 38.40. 206 00:10:55,184 --> 00:10:57,703 -Hey! -Or else you can't use this. 207 00:10:57,703 --> 00:11:00,500 Your mother and I gave you this card, and I can damn well take it back. 208 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:04,176 -Fine. I don't need your money. -Good! 'Cause I'm completely cutting you off! 209 00:11:04,176 --> 00:11:06,334 Petrov, go restock that stuff. 210 00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:09,132 Can't Susan do it? I on break in, like, two minutes. 211 00:11:11,768 --> 00:11:13,726 -Thanks for tutoring me. -No worries. 212 00:11:13,726 --> 00:11:16,244 Hey, did you hear about Frankle's brother losing his arm? 213 00:11:16,244 --> 00:11:19,761 Yeah. Poor Frankle. I just wanted to hug him and never let go. 214 00:11:19,761 --> 00:11:24,476 Yeah. Yeah. I remember when my sister had her accident. 215 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:29,231 Oh, did I not mention my sister who was horrifically burned over 98% of her body? 216 00:11:29,231 --> 00:11:32,787 -That's terrible! -Only her taint survived. 217 00:11:32,787 --> 00:11:37,262 Okay, it's on! You pull this off and I'll convince my parents to let you sleep in here. 218 00:11:37,262 --> 00:11:39,420 Don't worry. I've been studying all day. 219 00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:42,698 I even watched Meg Ryan's latest movie where she plays that burn victim. 220 00:11:42,698 --> 00:11:46,893 -She never played a burn victim. -Oh, Meg, honey. 221 00:11:46,893 --> 00:11:48,931 Kim, meet my sister Hayley. 222 00:11:48,931 --> 00:11:51,249 Time for your burn cream. 223 00:11:51,249 --> 00:11:54,086 I hope I don't cry like last time. 224 00:11:54,086 --> 00:11:57,483 -What-- What happened? -Oh, I was dating a pool guy. 225 00:11:57,483 --> 00:12:00,959 And he thought it'd be kinky if we gave each other chlorine massages. 226 00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:03,956 I went first. Ooh! Mm, that's cooling. 227 00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:06,634 -How awful! -I know! I'm hideous! 228 00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:09,430 -You are so not hideous. -Oh, don't tease me! 229 00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:14,106 No, really. It's your eyes and the unique shape of your head. 230 00:12:14,106 --> 00:12:16,224 I think you're beautiful. 231 00:12:16,224 --> 00:12:18,781 Oh, oh. And Steve's been a super little brother. 232 00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:21,698 Freezing my Snickers, sticking me in the shade outside. 233 00:12:21,698 --> 00:12:24,016 -Steve, that is so sweet. -I know. 234 00:12:24,016 --> 00:12:25,934 -Want to go to the dance? -I'd love to. 235 00:12:25,934 --> 00:12:27,852 Great! Well, see you, Hayley. 236 00:12:29,210 --> 00:12:32,408 I am beautiful! 237 00:12:32,408 --> 00:12:34,845 Mm! Uh! Oh! Saw my tushy. 238 00:12:42,398 --> 00:12:46,234 Impressive, Miss Smith. A lesbian of color couldn't have done a better job. 239 00:12:46,234 --> 00:12:49,430 -I'd give it an "A," if you had paid your tuition. -What? 240 00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:52,467 But I'm paid up for the semester. Dad. 241 00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:55,545 There are no free rides here at Groff Community College. 242 00:12:55,545 --> 00:12:59,020 -You have three days to pay your tuition. -A whole semester's tuition? 243 00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:02,378 How am I supposed to come up with 85 bucks in three days? 244 00:13:02,378 --> 00:13:05,295 Welcome to House of Hoagies. Can I get you a sandwich... 245 00:13:05,295 --> 00:13:07,452 with nothing on it? 246 00:13:09,171 --> 00:13:11,648 -Hey, waitress, bring me a beer. -I just brought you one. 247 00:13:11,648 --> 00:13:13,886 Yeah. This one's to drown my crabs. 248 00:13:15,924 --> 00:13:18,602 Don't worry, doll. It gets easier. 249 00:13:18,602 --> 00:13:22,278 I'm fine. At least I'm not being exploited like these poor strippers. 250 00:13:22,278 --> 00:13:26,753 -Exploited? Sweetie, these girls are being empowered. -Yeah, right. 251 00:13:26,753 --> 00:13:29,271 Think about it. All they do is show their breasts 252 00:13:29,271 --> 00:13:31,948 and men hand over hundreds of their hard-earned dollars. 253 00:13:35,664 --> 00:13:38,422 Who's really being exploited here? 254 00:13:38,422 --> 00:13:41,218 Plus, to quote Camille Paglia, these ladies are sexual conquerors 255 00:13:41,218 --> 00:13:43,337 controlling the channel between nature and culture. 256 00:13:43,337 --> 00:13:45,255 Take it off, bitch! 257 00:13:45,255 --> 00:13:47,413 Camille Paglia, huh? 258 00:13:48,851 --> 00:13:51,049 Hey, Stan, everything work out with Hayley? 259 00:13:51,049 --> 00:13:53,807 No. I had to cut her off like a diseased hand. 260 00:13:53,807 --> 00:13:56,883 And like any diseased hand, sooner or later she'll come flopping back. 261 00:13:56,883 --> 00:14:00,159 -They always do. -Yep, I got her right where I want her. 262 00:14:00,159 --> 00:14:02,038 All right, gentlemen. 263 00:14:02,038 --> 00:14:05,194 Let's welcome to the stage, Dusty! 264 00:14:05,194 --> 00:14:07,513 Yeah! 265 00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:13,387 Oh, my God! What is she doing? 266 00:14:13,387 --> 00:14:15,345 Pretending to ride a horse. 267 00:14:15,345 --> 00:14:17,542 If you want to see a real horse, you got to go to the track. 268 00:14:24,216 --> 00:14:26,973 Come on. We're all leaving. The girls here are "vugly." 269 00:14:26,973 --> 00:14:28,930 We can't leave. We just got here. 270 00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:37,682 -Oh, no! -Somebody pulled the alarm! 271 00:14:37,682 --> 00:14:40,679 You know what that means. Dusty, you're on fire! 272 00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:43,677 And that's a double dance for you! Ha! 273 00:14:43,677 --> 00:14:46,313 Yeah! 274 00:14:46,313 --> 00:14:48,671 -Ow! -How could you let Hayley do this? 275 00:14:48,671 --> 00:14:51,629 -Do what? -Don't play dumb. You know she's stripping! 276 00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:56,743 Showing people her Ho Hos, her Ding Dongs, her Susie-Q's, her-- her, uh, uh... 277 00:14:56,743 --> 00:14:59,501 Wh-What are those called? Those-- The little pink with coconut? 278 00:14:59,501 --> 00:15:01,898 -Th-They're really good. Uh-- -Her Snowballs? 279 00:15:01,898 --> 00:15:04,376 -You bastard! -I didn't know she was stripping! 280 00:15:04,376 --> 00:15:06,214 -Don't lie to me, stone man. -For real. 281 00:15:06,214 --> 00:15:08,332 She said she was out torching SUV's. 282 00:15:08,332 --> 00:15:10,889 -I'd never be cool with stripping. -Really? 283 00:15:10,889 --> 00:15:13,886 Yeah! I mean, I've dated three strippers, and two of them turned up dead. 284 00:15:13,886 --> 00:15:16,163 And the cops always go to the boyfriend with the van. 285 00:15:16,163 --> 00:15:18,482 That's profiling, man. And that's wrong. 286 00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:22,518 Well, that's the price you pay for the sweet pleasure of van ownership. Let's go! 287 00:15:24,675 --> 00:15:29,071 Kim! Wow, you look great! B-But the dance isn't for two hours. 288 00:15:29,071 --> 00:15:31,548 Yeah. But I got to be up early for church camp. 289 00:15:31,548 --> 00:15:33,906 So I thought we'd fool around beforehand. 290 00:15:33,906 --> 00:15:37,503 Thank you, Jesus. 291 00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:40,540 Oh, wait. Can I say hi to your charred sister first? 292 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:44,535 I was also thinking some mascara, you know, to draw focus to my eyes. 293 00:15:44,535 --> 00:15:48,052 You know what else? Some blush would really bring out your cheekbones. 294 00:15:48,052 --> 00:15:51,489 I love that idea! Paint me! Paint me! 295 00:15:58,762 --> 00:16:01,398 Oh, yeah. Who's your daddy? 296 00:16:01,398 --> 00:16:03,316 -I am! -Dad! 297 00:16:03,316 --> 00:16:06,992 Blow up many four-runners today? Or did you four-get? 298 00:16:06,992 --> 00:16:09,630 -Jeff, I'll, uh, do the talking. -Let me go! 299 00:16:09,630 --> 00:16:14,306 -Hey, she's not going anywhere! -Yeah? Who's gonna stop me? 300 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,023 I see. Well, I don't want any trouble. 301 00:16:17,023 --> 00:16:19,540 I'll just be on my merry little way-- 302 00:16:24,456 --> 00:16:28,492 Hey, Bo Peep. I know where you can find your sheep. In hell! 303 00:16:33,287 --> 00:16:35,445 Hayley, are you in there? 304 00:16:35,445 --> 00:16:39,042 I brought some fresh laundry and rinsed out your tinkle can. Hello? 305 00:16:42,637 --> 00:16:45,755 Hayley's working at a booby bar? 306 00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:48,472 And she traded shifts with Tina? 307 00:16:48,472 --> 00:16:51,589 What does Tina have to do that's so important? 308 00:16:51,589 --> 00:16:53,627 Oh, wait. This isn't about Tina. 309 00:16:53,627 --> 00:16:56,344 This isn't about Tina! 310 00:16:56,344 --> 00:16:59,381 It's never been about Tina. 311 00:16:59,381 --> 00:17:03,018 Kim, we are running out of time if we're going to, you know, get busy. 312 00:17:03,018 --> 00:17:05,694 Here I come! 313 00:17:05,694 --> 00:17:07,933 Oh, you look gorgeous! 314 00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:10,209 -Doesn't she look gorgeous, Steve? -Stunning. 315 00:17:10,209 --> 00:17:12,767 Can I talk to you, Sis? Would you cut it out? 316 00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:14,766 I should be touching her na-nas right now! 317 00:17:14,766 --> 00:17:16,723 All you had to do was sit there and be ugly. 318 00:17:16,723 --> 00:17:19,441 -I am not ugly! -Steve! 319 00:17:19,441 --> 00:17:21,958 Th-That's not what I said. Tell-Tell her, Hayley. 320 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,996 Or maybe you don't want to stay in this room anymore. 321 00:17:23,996 --> 00:17:26,114 Kimmy! He wants to lock me in the attic 322 00:17:26,114 --> 00:17:28,032 like I'm some kind of disgusting monster! 323 00:17:28,032 --> 00:17:29,950 -Well, you are! -Shut up! 324 00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:33,186 You shut up! 325 00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:36,223 I never want to see you again, Steve! 326 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:38,342 Roger, I thought we had a deal. 327 00:17:38,342 --> 00:17:41,818 Rouge can make a fellow do crazy things, Steve. 328 00:17:41,818 --> 00:17:45,175 -Sorry I ruined your plan. -Sorry I called you ugly. 329 00:17:45,175 --> 00:17:48,093 Well, I guess I'll go let the guys know I'm a loser after all. 330 00:17:48,093 --> 00:17:50,290 Steve, wait. 331 00:17:50,290 --> 00:17:52,567 Kimmy loaned this to me. 332 00:17:52,567 --> 00:17:55,725 Roger, you are beautiful. 333 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,357 Way to go, Mr. S. 334 00:18:02,357 --> 00:18:05,994 You're so hot! 335 00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:12,148 Oh, I remember now. 336 00:18:12,148 --> 00:18:14,985 I was gonna be a civil engineer. 337 00:18:16,503 --> 00:18:18,821 What are you gonna do? Tickle me to death? 338 00:18:23,976 --> 00:18:25,654 Ooh! 339 00:18:28,612 --> 00:18:31,648 -You're coming home right now! -I don't have to listen to you! 340 00:18:31,648 --> 00:18:34,046 Stop! Just stop right there! 341 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:37,683 We've tried doing things your way, and it's only made things worse. 342 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:41,359 -But she's making so many mistakes. -You sound just like my father. 343 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,596 He never supported my choices. 344 00:18:43,596 --> 00:18:46,953 My dad didn't support me either. That's why I started stripping. 345 00:18:46,953 --> 00:18:48,752 -Me too. -Same here. 346 00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:50,589 Yeah. Plus my uncle touched me. 347 00:18:50,589 --> 00:18:52,707 I never meant to drive Hayley away. 348 00:18:52,707 --> 00:18:55,425 Stan, we need to listen to these ho-bags. 349 00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:58,142 Hayley's gonna make mistakes, but they're hers to make. 350 00:18:58,142 --> 00:19:01,499 And as parents, the most important thing we can do is be supportive. 351 00:19:01,499 --> 00:19:04,455 Supportive? Yes. 352 00:19:06,414 --> 00:19:08,372 Ooh, yeah! 353 00:19:08,372 --> 00:19:10,690 Shake it, baby! You will not break it! 354 00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:12,647 It took me nine months to make it! 355 00:19:12,647 --> 00:19:16,524 -Give me some more singles. -You used to look like that. 356 00:19:16,524 --> 00:19:19,441 -What are you guys doing? -Being supportive. 357 00:19:19,441 --> 00:19:23,636 Look, I've been treating you like a little girl. And, well, you're a grown woman. 358 00:19:23,636 --> 00:19:26,434 You made that abundantly clear halfway through that Jay-Z song. 359 00:19:26,434 --> 00:19:28,792 -Oh, come back home, honey. -What do you say? 360 00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:32,148 -Give your old man a second chance. -I'll think about it. 361 00:19:33,427 --> 00:19:35,625 You have some pretty terrific parents. 362 00:19:35,625 --> 00:19:37,861 I guess that means you're done here, and you'll be going back home, huh? 363 00:19:37,861 --> 00:19:39,780 Yeah. Then again, 364 00:19:39,780 --> 00:19:42,577 the girls are really nice, and the money's awesome. 365 00:19:42,577 --> 00:19:44,975 No, I think I'll stay. Hit it, Ron! 366 00:19:51,328 --> 00:19:55,365 -Oh, man! That's gross! -Yeah. That's the one place you want them to have hair. 367 00:19:59,601 --> 00:20:02,797 -Oh, I got a good one! -"Quivix?" That's not a word. 368 00:20:02,797 --> 00:20:06,074 -It is on my planet. -Is it a proper noun? 369 00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:07,992 -Damn! -I'm going out with Jeff. 370 00:20:07,992 --> 00:20:10,430 -Hey, be home by 11:00. -Dad! 371 00:20:10,430 --> 00:20:14,225 -Okay. Just be safe. -Thanks, Daddy. 372 00:20:14,225 --> 00:20:16,864 All right, you have visual? 373 00:20:16,864 --> 00:20:19,939 All right, stay three car lengths behind her and check in with me every half hour. 374 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,775 Yes, I know! She's got a great ass! Stay on it! 375 00:21:03,857 --> 00:21:05,775 Have a great night!