1 00:00:02,718 --> 00:00:05,435 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 2 00:00:05,435 --> 00:00:08,910 ♪ I got a feeling That it's gonna be A wonderful day ♪ 3 00:00:08,910 --> 00:00:11,748 ♪ The sun in the sky Has a smile on his face ♪ 4 00:00:11,748 --> 00:00:15,105 ♪ And he's shining a salute To the American race ♪ 5 00:00:17,742 --> 00:00:20,979 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 6 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,896 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 7 00:00:25,534 --> 00:00:28,612 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 8 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:31,888 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Mom ♪ - ♪ Dear Francine ♪ 9 00:00:31,888 --> 00:00:35,325 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 10 00:00:35,325 --> 00:00:36,364 Time for cake. 11 00:00:36,364 --> 00:00:37,442 I get the piece with the rose on it. 12 00:00:37,442 --> 00:00:38,801 I called it. You heard me. 13 00:00:38,801 --> 00:00:40,400 Mom, cut me an end piece! 14 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,718 How can you even think about eating that cake? 15 00:00:42,718 --> 00:00:45,674 Do you realize how many innocent cows were raped, 16 00:00:45,674 --> 00:00:48,391 or as you say "milked," to make that cake? 17 00:00:48,391 --> 00:00:49,311 Shut up, Hayley. 18 00:00:49,311 --> 00:00:50,750 Come on, Francine. Make a wish. 19 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,507 Why bother? A wish is like a dream, 20 00:00:53,507 --> 00:00:55,465 and mine died years ago. 21 00:00:55,465 --> 00:00:56,983 I have a wish. 22 00:00:56,983 --> 00:01:00,220 I wish Francine would buy me something other than Coppola wine. 23 00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:02,617 Tastes like beard hair and Sofia sweat. 24 00:01:02,617 --> 00:01:03,496 Oh, yeah? 25 00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:05,294 Then get your own damn wine! 26 00:01:05,294 --> 00:01:07,013 And, Klaus, you want a rose? 27 00:01:07,013 --> 00:01:08,053 Here's your rose! 28 00:01:09,451 --> 00:01:12,247 And here's your end piece, Steve. 29 00:01:12,247 --> 00:01:13,767 Don't forget to chew. 30 00:01:13,767 --> 00:01:14,964 Don't worry. 31 00:01:14,964 --> 00:01:16,882 There's plenty left for the rest of you! 32 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,517 Wow. She really seems unhappy. 33 00:01:22,517 --> 00:01:24,635 Well, whatever makes her happy. It's her birthday. 34 00:01:24,635 --> 00:01:26,154 Dad, it seems like every birthday, 35 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,592 she gets more depressed. 36 00:01:27,592 --> 00:01:29,032 You okay? 37 00:01:29,032 --> 00:01:31,828 Mm-hmm. And what did Mom mean that her dream died? 38 00:01:31,828 --> 00:01:34,746 I don't know. I thought her dream had to do with a muffin kiosk. 39 00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,384 Whatever happened to that? 40 00:01:36,384 --> 00:01:38,781 Here's your room key. And please, have a... 41 00:01:38,781 --> 00:01:40,819 Can I help you folks with your bags? 42 00:01:40,819 --> 00:01:44,136 Here's your room key. And please, have a... 43 00:01:44,136 --> 00:01:46,533 Can I help you folks with your bags? 44 00:01:46,533 --> 00:01:48,571 Brought you a dustpan of cake. 45 00:01:48,571 --> 00:01:49,570 What you watchin', honey? 46 00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:53,567 Just an old TV show I had a bit part on. 47 00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:55,445 I didn't know you were on TV. 48 00:01:55,445 --> 00:01:58,001 So the diamond smuggler is posing as an optometrist? 49 00:01:58,001 --> 00:02:00,760 That's Kate Jackson and Bruce Boxleitner! 50 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,196 You were on Scarecrow and Mrs. King? 51 00:02:03,196 --> 00:02:05,874 Hi. Mr. and Mrs. Jones checking in. 52 00:02:05,874 --> 00:02:07,632 Boxleitner, what a pro. 53 00:02:07,632 --> 00:02:09,990 Here's your room key. And please, have a... 54 00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:11,988 Can I help you folks with your bags? 55 00:02:11,988 --> 00:02:13,227 That's George Clooney. 56 00:02:13,227 --> 00:02:14,946 You were in a scene with George Clooney? 57 00:02:14,946 --> 00:02:18,063 Yep. He interrupted me and stole my big moment, 58 00:02:18,063 --> 00:02:20,700 and then went on to be a big star. 59 00:02:21,179 --> 00:02:24,216 A big star, huh? 60 00:02:24,216 --> 00:02:28,691 Okay, I still need to drop Stan's shirts off at the cleaners, buy some... 61 00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:31,169 -Francine! Francine! Over here! -What the... 62 00:02:31,169 --> 00:02:33,167 Over here. Francine, give us a smile. 63 00:02:33,167 --> 00:02:35,205 Who are you people? Get away from me! 64 00:02:35,205 --> 00:02:36,284 Who designed your dress? 65 00:02:36,284 --> 00:02:37,642 What brand of tampons are you buying? 66 00:02:37,642 --> 00:02:38,841 Is it true you're dating Usher? 67 00:02:41,239 --> 00:02:42,039 Get in! 68 00:02:42,957 --> 00:02:45,114 -Damn vultures! -Who are they? 69 00:02:45,114 --> 00:02:46,794 Paparazzi I hired to follow you. 70 00:02:46,794 --> 00:02:48,271 Leave her alone, you animals! 71 00:02:49,950 --> 00:02:52,227 Stan, what the hell is going on? 72 00:02:52,227 --> 00:02:54,266 This is your dream, right? To be a star. 73 00:02:56,224 --> 00:02:59,141 Stan, I gave up on all that years ago. 74 00:02:59,141 --> 00:03:00,859 I have a new dream now. 75 00:03:00,859 --> 00:03:02,138 You wanna know what it is? 76 00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:04,016 You really wanna know? 77 00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:06,974 -Eh. -My dream... 78 00:03:06,974 --> 00:03:10,209 Is to destroy George Clooney, 79 00:03:10,209 --> 00:03:14,285 that arrogant, overrated, memo-writing bastard! 80 00:03:14,285 --> 00:03:16,164 He's not even an actor! 81 00:03:16,164 --> 00:03:19,640 He just does the same cheesy move every time. 82 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,878 Looks down, then looks back up 83 00:03:21,878 --> 00:03:24,076 squinting underneath his eyebrows. 84 00:03:24,076 --> 00:03:26,714 And everybody's buying it! 85 00:03:29,871 --> 00:03:31,909 God, if I just had the chance, 86 00:03:31,909 --> 00:03:34,546 I know exactly how I'd bring him down. 87 00:03:34,546 --> 00:03:37,103 You see, Clooney's never fallen in love. 88 00:03:37,103 --> 00:03:40,140 It's always a fling here, a fling there. 89 00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,937 Well, I'd make him fall in love with me. 90 00:03:42,937 --> 00:03:45,574 And then I'd break his heart, 91 00:03:45,574 --> 00:03:49,770 and watch him cry until his eyeballs bleed. 92 00:03:51,009 --> 00:03:53,766 Francine, I'm sorry, but that's the craziest, 93 00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:55,325 most unsettling thing 94 00:03:55,325 --> 00:03:57,563 I've ever heard in my entire life. 95 00:03:57,563 --> 00:03:59,441 And we're totally gonna make it happen. 96 00:03:59,441 --> 00:04:00,560 Oh, Stan, 97 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,078 I can't believe you're helping me 98 00:04:02,078 --> 00:04:03,596 make my dream come true. 99 00:04:03,596 --> 00:04:05,794 Anything to see you happy again. 100 00:04:05,794 --> 00:04:08,232 Now, if you're going to seduce and destroy Clooney, 101 00:04:08,232 --> 00:04:10,509 we have to go to him. 102 00:04:10,509 --> 00:04:12,908 According to my intel, he starts production tomorrow 103 00:04:12,908 --> 00:04:15,264 on a new movie called Dr. Love. 104 00:04:15,264 --> 00:04:16,943 He plays a brilliant heart surgeon. 105 00:04:16,943 --> 00:04:18,062 Let me guess. 106 00:04:18,062 --> 00:04:20,219 The only heart he can't heal is his own. 107 00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:22,458 Look at that. Word for word. 108 00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:25,175 That knuckle-dragging son of a bitch! 109 00:04:25,175 --> 00:04:26,534 Y'all done with that? 110 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,971 We are now beginning our descent into Prague. 111 00:04:28,971 --> 00:04:33,247 And now George Clooney begins his descent into hell. 112 00:04:33,247 --> 00:04:34,485 Please put your seat backs 113 00:04:34,485 --> 00:04:36,324 and tray tables in the upright position. 114 00:04:36,324 --> 00:04:39,161 Please put George Clooney's heart in the... 115 00:04:39,161 --> 00:04:43,677 In the... in the sad right position. 116 00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:46,114 Should have ended with that whole descent into hell thing. 117 00:04:51,988 --> 00:04:55,624 Thank God. Our hotel room. I can't wait to lie down. 118 00:04:55,624 --> 00:04:57,143 What is this? 119 00:04:58,301 --> 00:05:01,578 This is Operation Tears of a Clooney. 120 00:05:01,578 --> 00:05:03,536 Francine, meet Raina Markovitz, 121 00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:05,175 former assassin for the KGB. 122 00:05:05,175 --> 00:05:07,653 -Raina, when did you have a baby? -I didn't. 123 00:05:07,653 --> 00:05:09,250 This economy is terrible. 124 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:10,729 I'll be running the war room 125 00:05:10,729 --> 00:05:12,608 and doing a little bit of freelance wet nursing. 126 00:05:12,608 --> 00:05:14,126 Stan, what's going on? 127 00:05:14,126 --> 00:05:16,404 Francine, we're here to break George Clooney's heart. 128 00:05:16,404 --> 00:05:18,641 This is war, and no war is won 129 00:05:18,641 --> 00:05:20,959 without a crack squad of murderers and thieves. 130 00:05:20,959 --> 00:05:23,276 And rapists. Sorry, Franz. 131 00:05:23,276 --> 00:05:24,435 Thank you. 132 00:05:27,752 --> 00:05:29,830 Boy, when Mom and Dad get back from their trip, 133 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,348 they're gonna be pissed you turned the swimming pool into a vineyard. 134 00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:34,745 All done, Mrs. Smith. 135 00:05:34,745 --> 00:05:36,863 Fifty grapevines and 12 tons of soil. 136 00:05:36,863 --> 00:05:39,500 Great. Just charge it to my Costco account. 137 00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:42,178 Sure. You'll be glad to know that a portion of your purchase 138 00:05:42,178 --> 00:05:44,176 goes to help foster children in the greater Lang... 139 00:05:44,176 --> 00:05:47,093 You lost me at "help." Now to plant my vineyard. 140 00:05:50,489 --> 00:05:52,488 Explain these foster thingies. 141 00:05:52,488 --> 00:05:53,766 Foster children? 142 00:05:53,766 --> 00:05:56,324 You know, wayward children taken in by families. 143 00:05:56,324 --> 00:05:59,001 When you say "wayward," I hear "eager." 144 00:05:59,001 --> 00:06:02,438 And when you say "children," I hear "migrant workers." 145 00:06:02,438 --> 00:06:04,236 Roger, what in the hell are you... 146 00:06:08,751 --> 00:06:10,629 You should get that cough checked out. 147 00:06:10,629 --> 00:06:12,228 Costco has doctors now. 148 00:06:12,228 --> 00:06:15,385 Just check in with the lady who hands out the apple sausage. 149 00:06:15,385 --> 00:06:18,102 As you can see, Mrs. Smith, 150 00:06:18,102 --> 00:06:20,380 we are positioned directly across the street 151 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,858 from Clooney's hotel. 152 00:06:21,858 --> 00:06:24,016 Are they building a basketball court 153 00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:25,455 in his hotel room? 154 00:06:25,455 --> 00:06:27,852 Clooney has it written into all of his movie contracts. 155 00:06:27,852 --> 00:06:31,568 What do the Coen brothers see in him? 156 00:06:31,568 --> 00:06:34,127 Stan, we've arranged for you to be Clooney's bodyguard. 157 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,884 So you can be our man on the inside. 158 00:06:35,884 --> 00:06:36,923 Excellent. 159 00:06:36,923 --> 00:06:38,961 So when do I start wooing Clooney? 160 00:06:38,961 --> 00:06:40,040 So naive. 161 00:06:43,677 --> 00:06:45,554 Francine, meet Sergei Petkov, 162 00:06:45,554 --> 00:06:47,952 Europe's greatest serial killer profiler. 163 00:06:47,952 --> 00:06:50,629 I've enlisted him to help you get inside Clooney's head. 164 00:06:50,629 --> 00:06:53,187 After much analysis, I've determined 165 00:06:53,187 --> 00:06:55,665 three crucial truths about Clooney. 166 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,221 First, though he has never fallen in love, 167 00:06:58,221 --> 00:07:00,619 he believes in love at first sight. 168 00:07:00,619 --> 00:07:02,058 How do you know that? 169 00:07:02,058 --> 00:07:04,536 I found a quote of him saying so on Google. 170 00:07:04,536 --> 00:07:06,373 Can I just say hooray for Google? 171 00:07:06,373 --> 00:07:07,972 It's made my job so much easier. 172 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,409 It's the best search engine around. 173 00:07:11,409 --> 00:07:15,805 Second, Clooney is completely in love with himself. 174 00:07:15,805 --> 00:07:19,082 Therefore, you must become him. 175 00:07:19,082 --> 00:07:22,197 We have experts who will help you master his interests. 176 00:07:22,197 --> 00:07:25,834 From practical jokes to potbellied pigs, 177 00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:28,392 to motorcycles, to golf, 178 00:07:31,229 --> 00:07:33,946 -to speaking Italian. -Ciao, bella. 179 00:07:33,946 --> 00:07:37,502 The final key to Clooney is resisting his charm. 180 00:07:37,502 --> 00:07:40,460 Men and women alike find it irresistible 181 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,017 and kiss his ass until they are sucked inside. 182 00:07:44,017 --> 00:07:47,212 But if you stay out of his ass, 183 00:07:47,212 --> 00:07:48,532 he will pursue you 184 00:07:48,532 --> 00:07:51,048 until he is all the way up yours. 185 00:07:51,048 --> 00:07:52,127 Here is diagram. 186 00:07:55,844 --> 00:07:59,361 That's right, foster children. Hard work builds character. 187 00:07:59,361 --> 00:08:02,278 -Water break, boss? -Oh, honey, don't call me boss. 188 00:08:02,278 --> 00:08:03,956 That makes me feel like some kind of monster. 189 00:08:03,956 --> 00:08:05,116 Call me dad. 190 00:08:05,116 --> 00:08:07,272 -Water break, Dad? -No. 191 00:08:07,272 --> 00:08:09,351 Roger, I am sick of sharing the house 192 00:08:09,351 --> 00:08:10,509 with all these foster kids. 193 00:08:10,509 --> 00:08:11,348 This is over! 194 00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:13,226 Samantha. Megan. 195 00:08:15,385 --> 00:08:17,782 Steve, meet your new personal assistants. 196 00:08:20,819 --> 00:08:22,178 Ladies, take a memo. 197 00:08:22,537 --> 00:08:23,816 "Boing!" 198 00:08:23,816 --> 00:08:26,294 Sincerely, Steve Smith. Dictated but not read. 199 00:08:29,251 --> 00:08:31,289 Hello. Hold on. 200 00:08:31,289 --> 00:08:33,846 Hayley, it's Dr. Kirkland from Costco. 201 00:08:36,484 --> 00:08:38,601 Hello. My test results. 202 00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:46,553 Entrare. 203 00:08:46,553 --> 00:08:49,271 Excuse me, Mr. Clooney. I'm Stan, your new bodyguard. 204 00:08:49,271 --> 00:08:50,429 Bodyguard? 205 00:08:50,429 --> 00:08:52,668 Who needs a bodyguard when I got the boys, 206 00:08:52,668 --> 00:08:55,584 my best friends, migliori amici. 207 00:08:55,584 --> 00:08:58,341 Now, how'd my boys like to try out 208 00:08:58,341 --> 00:09:00,060 the new motorcycles I bought 'em? 209 00:09:00,060 --> 00:09:02,417 Yeah, all right! 210 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:06,693 Cloon-tang! Cloon-tang! Cloon-tang! Cloon-tang! 211 00:09:06,693 --> 00:09:08,971 Oh. Cloon-tang. 212 00:09:08,971 --> 00:09:10,689 'Cause you get a lot of cleaver. 213 00:09:26,434 --> 00:09:27,872 How's his heart, Doctor? 214 00:09:29,990 --> 00:09:32,508 -Better. -Cut! 215 00:09:32,508 --> 00:09:34,745 Brilliant, George. 216 00:09:34,745 --> 00:09:36,184 Hey, you! 217 00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:38,821 My boys just called me from a freighter headed for China. 218 00:09:38,821 --> 00:09:41,218 -Was that your doing? -Uh, well, I... 219 00:09:43,136 --> 00:09:45,734 That is the best practical joke ever. 220 00:09:45,734 --> 00:09:47,133 It's even better than the time 221 00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:49,451 I switched Julia Roberts' fetus with a rat. 222 00:09:49,451 --> 00:09:52,128 Sonogram comes back and she's all, "Huh?" 223 00:09:52,128 --> 00:09:55,325 Stan, you are officially one of my boys now. 224 00:09:55,325 --> 00:09:56,803 Here. I got you a pipe. 225 00:09:56,803 --> 00:09:58,082 Thanks, but I don't smoke pipes. 226 00:09:58,082 --> 00:09:59,880 No one does. I'm bringing 'em back. 227 00:10:07,392 --> 00:10:09,870 We'd all like to scratch our nose, Curtis. 228 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:10,909 Enough! 229 00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:13,507 You cannot keep treating these kids 230 00:10:13,507 --> 00:10:15,345 like your personal... 231 00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:16,942 Save your strength, Hayley. 232 00:10:16,942 --> 00:10:18,860 Have some of the squash Rebecca made. 233 00:10:21,219 --> 00:10:24,456 Hello. Hayley, it's the Make-A-Wish Foundation! 234 00:10:25,695 --> 00:10:27,492 Hello. Wow. 235 00:10:27,492 --> 00:10:29,610 So you're patching him through right now? 236 00:10:29,610 --> 00:10:31,729 Well, just hang in there, little darling. 237 00:10:31,729 --> 00:10:32,887 I'm pulling for you. 238 00:10:33,406 --> 00:10:34,446 Who was that? 239 00:10:34,446 --> 00:10:37,323 Some sick kid. She sounded hot. 240 00:10:37,323 --> 00:10:38,362 What the... 241 00:10:54,385 --> 00:10:58,022 Who are you? 242 00:11:03,177 --> 00:11:04,615 Wow, Cloon-tang. 243 00:11:04,615 --> 00:11:05,734 From the look on your face, 244 00:11:05,734 --> 00:11:07,493 I'd say that's love at first sight. 245 00:11:07,493 --> 00:11:09,051 But you probably don't believe in that. 246 00:11:09,051 --> 00:11:10,010 No, Stan. 247 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,007 I do. 248 00:11:14,645 --> 00:11:17,003 Save those grapevines, kids. Come on. 249 00:11:17,003 --> 00:11:18,802 Put your Christmas buckets to use 250 00:11:18,802 --> 00:11:20,200 and keep the warm water coming. 251 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,399 Speaking of presents, 252 00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:23,955 thanks again for my meerschaum bent dimple. 253 00:11:23,955 --> 00:11:26,793 And thank you for my Ser Jacopo Flammata. 254 00:11:26,793 --> 00:11:27,792 Girls. 255 00:11:28,552 --> 00:11:29,550 Stop. 256 00:11:29,550 --> 00:11:31,508 The kids will freeze. 257 00:11:31,508 --> 00:11:34,026 Hayley, it's too cold for you out here. 258 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:36,343 I'm fine. I'm gonna beat this, you know. 259 00:11:36,343 --> 00:11:37,982 Sure you are. 260 00:11:40,139 --> 00:11:41,859 Hey, son, why don't you go inside 261 00:11:41,859 --> 00:11:42,938 and get some eggnog. 262 00:11:42,938 --> 00:11:44,895 Oh, really? Thank you. 263 00:11:44,895 --> 00:11:47,252 Just half a cup. I'm not that thirsty. 264 00:11:47,252 --> 00:11:48,851 Are you sure it's her, Stan? 265 00:11:48,851 --> 00:11:50,330 I'm sure. 266 00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,368 I haven't been able to get her out of my head for months. 267 00:11:52,368 --> 00:11:54,126 I've never felt this way before. 268 00:11:54,126 --> 00:11:55,964 -This is it. -Thanks, amigo. 269 00:11:55,964 --> 00:11:57,922 Hey, you like the muttonchops? 270 00:11:57,922 --> 00:11:58,881 Bringing 'em back. 271 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,159 There she is. 272 00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:09,111 Hi, there. I'm George Clooney. 273 00:12:09,111 --> 00:12:10,269 Mm-hmm. 274 00:12:10,269 --> 00:12:12,228 -Here's your Guinness. -Guinness? 275 00:12:12,228 --> 00:12:13,467 That's my favorite. 276 00:12:15,345 --> 00:12:16,264 Mine too. 277 00:12:18,981 --> 00:12:22,139 ♪ I've got you ♪ 278 00:12:22,139 --> 00:12:26,095 ♪ Under my skin ♪ 279 00:12:26,095 --> 00:12:29,491 ♪ I've got you ♪ 280 00:12:29,491 --> 00:12:33,527 ♪ Deep in the heart of me ♪ 281 00:12:33,527 --> 00:12:36,324 ♪ So deep in my heart ♪ 282 00:12:36,324 --> 00:12:40,879 ♪ That you're really A part of me ♪ 283 00:12:40,879 --> 00:12:44,036 ♪ I've got you ♪ 284 00:12:44,036 --> 00:12:48,033 ♪ Under my skin ♪ 285 00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:51,189 ♪ I've tried so ♪ 286 00:12:51,189 --> 00:12:53,747 ♪ Not to give in ♪ 287 00:12:55,145 --> 00:12:58,582 ♪ I've said to myself This affair ♪ 288 00:12:58,582 --> 00:13:00,699 ♪ Never will go so well ♪ 289 00:13:06,893 --> 00:13:09,012 She's the first girl I've ever loved, Stan. 290 00:13:09,012 --> 00:13:11,288 And when she comes over tonight, I'm gonna tell her. 291 00:13:11,288 --> 00:13:14,006 I'm gonna give her my heart completely. 292 00:13:14,006 --> 00:13:15,644 And if she rejects it, 293 00:13:15,644 --> 00:13:16,684 it'll kill me. 294 00:13:16,684 --> 00:13:19,200 Who could reject you, amigo? 295 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,078 Hey, I ever tell you about the time I nailed Roseanne Barr? 296 00:13:22,078 --> 00:13:23,955 Yeah, buddy, you did. 297 00:13:25,714 --> 00:13:27,033 Tonight is the night. 298 00:13:27,033 --> 00:13:29,750 Let's wish Francine good luck in the final step 299 00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:30,989 of her obsessive endeavor 300 00:13:30,989 --> 00:13:33,426 to destroy another human being! 301 00:13:37,142 --> 00:13:38,821 Finally, it's over. 302 00:13:38,821 --> 00:13:41,538 No more pretending I like that smug jackass. 303 00:13:41,538 --> 00:13:43,737 You were great, honey. 304 00:13:43,737 --> 00:13:47,133 And you can finally get rid of those hideous muttonchops. 305 00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:49,451 I think I'll go shave 'em off right now. 306 00:13:49,451 --> 00:13:51,808 Francine, I have surprise for you. 307 00:13:51,808 --> 00:13:54,925 I just had hidden cameras installed in Clooney's suite. 308 00:13:54,925 --> 00:13:58,681 That way you'll always have video of him weeping like a little girl. 309 00:13:58,681 --> 00:14:00,640 Petkov. 310 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,117 Wait! There is someone at Clooney's door. 311 00:14:04,156 --> 00:14:06,313 Stan! What's he doing there? 312 00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:08,951 Cloon-tang, I love you too much to let this happen. 313 00:14:08,951 --> 00:14:10,669 Francine's a fraud. 314 00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:15,544 She's a housewife from Virginia out to hurt you. Look. 315 00:14:16,983 --> 00:14:19,660 Oh, my God. I can't believe it. 316 00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:21,978 I almost had my heart broken. 317 00:14:21,978 --> 00:14:23,137 But you saved me. 318 00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:25,455 Hey, bros before hos. 319 00:14:38,601 --> 00:14:39,800 Honey, I'm back. 320 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,518 Turns out we didn't have any shaving cream. 321 00:14:41,518 --> 00:14:43,916 So I took a tour of the Prague shaving cream factory 322 00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:46,193 figuring I'd get a free sample at the end, but I didn't. 323 00:14:46,193 --> 00:14:47,592 That was a wild-goose chase. 324 00:14:47,592 --> 00:14:48,592 Oh, and I was thinking. 325 00:14:48,592 --> 00:14:49,951 When you confront Clooney tonight, 326 00:14:49,951 --> 00:14:51,388 don't be surprised if he doesn't cry. 327 00:14:51,388 --> 00:14:53,067 He is an actor. 328 00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:57,103 Bros before hos. Bros before hos. Bros before hos. 329 00:14:57,103 --> 00:14:59,341 -Bros before hos. Bros before hos. -No. 330 00:15:03,576 --> 00:15:06,773 Honey, I can explain. It's not how it looks. 331 00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,811 Damn it, you got him all wrong, Francine. 332 00:15:08,811 --> 00:15:10,209 He's the greatest guy in the world. 333 00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,367 He's taking me to his villa on Lake Como. 334 00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:15,125 I didn't mean to fall under his spell. I'm only human. 335 00:15:17,922 --> 00:15:19,720 I'm only human! 336 00:15:23,077 --> 00:15:24,236 My chop! 337 00:15:24,236 --> 00:15:26,833 You betrayed me, Stan. 338 00:15:26,833 --> 00:15:30,349 And since now I'll never be able to break Clooney's heart, 339 00:15:30,909 --> 00:15:33,147 I must kill him. 340 00:15:33,147 --> 00:15:33,947 No! 341 00:15:34,786 --> 00:15:36,223 Let me go, Stan! 342 00:15:36,223 --> 00:15:38,381 Sorry, Francine. You need to cool down. 343 00:15:38,381 --> 00:15:40,460 And then tomorrow I'm shipping you back to the States. 344 00:15:40,460 --> 00:15:42,378 In the meantime, I'm gonna go meet George. 345 00:15:42,378 --> 00:15:43,657 He's at a mountaintop spa 346 00:15:43,657 --> 00:15:45,934 trying to clear his head of this crazy chick. 347 00:15:45,934 --> 00:15:47,493 Oh, I mean you. 348 00:15:52,527 --> 00:15:56,564 And one, two, three. And one, two, three. And one, two... 349 00:15:58,561 --> 00:16:01,439 Hey, this area is for vineyard personnel only. 350 00:16:01,439 --> 00:16:03,277 We're from Child Protective Services. 351 00:16:03,277 --> 00:16:05,715 We received a phone call that the children under your care 352 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,152 are being forced to work as your slaves. 353 00:16:08,152 --> 00:16:09,311 Why, that's absurd. 354 00:16:09,311 --> 00:16:10,749 These children are merely playing 355 00:16:10,749 --> 00:16:14,066 Happy Fun Vineyard from Milton Bradley. 356 00:16:14,066 --> 00:16:16,543 I promised God that if I beat this thing, 357 00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,781 I'd help save these poor kids from you. 358 00:16:18,781 --> 00:16:20,459 Judas! 359 00:16:20,459 --> 00:16:22,858 Come on, children. We're taking you far away from this man. 360 00:16:22,858 --> 00:16:25,015 Hooray! We're gonna go home! 361 00:16:25,015 --> 00:16:26,574 But we don't have a home! 362 00:16:28,371 --> 00:16:31,489 I let you kiss each other while I watched 363 00:16:31,489 --> 00:16:32,886 and this is how you repay me? 364 00:16:34,446 --> 00:16:36,803 My babies. My babies! 365 00:16:36,803 --> 00:16:38,961 Who's gonna stomp on my babies? 366 00:16:41,878 --> 00:16:43,316 Oh! Oh! This is swill. 367 00:16:43,316 --> 00:16:45,274 Yeah, take 'em away. They did a horrible job. 368 00:16:45,274 --> 00:16:48,950 Hello. Oh, hey, Dad. 369 00:16:48,950 --> 00:16:51,509 I wanted to let you know that your mother is coming home tomorrow 370 00:16:51,509 --> 00:16:53,347 but I'll be staying a little while longer. 371 00:16:55,784 --> 00:16:57,463 Francine! How did you... 372 00:17:25,035 --> 00:17:28,192 ♪ Who will save your soul ♪ 373 00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,222 Well, I'd better run. 374 00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:41,658 George Clooney's head is about to have a big opening weekend. 375 00:17:41,658 --> 00:17:44,655 Wait. I've gone along with you on this whole thing, 376 00:17:44,655 --> 00:17:45,774 no questions asked. 377 00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:48,492 But now I gotta know. What the hell, Francine? 378 00:17:48,492 --> 00:17:49,650 What is this really about? 379 00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,129 I mean, I hate Susan Sarandon, 380 00:17:51,129 --> 00:17:53,206 but you don't see me cutting off my hand. 381 00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,165 I just cut my hair different for a while. 382 00:17:55,165 --> 00:17:56,603 What is this about? 383 00:17:56,603 --> 00:17:59,441 Just look at that with cucumbers on his eyes! 384 00:17:59,441 --> 00:18:01,199 Not a care in the world. 385 00:18:01,199 --> 00:18:05,913 No making school lunches, no grocery shopping, no cleaning the house, 386 00:18:05,913 --> 00:18:08,911 no one depending on him all the time. 387 00:18:08,911 --> 00:18:10,270 Oh, God. 388 00:18:10,270 --> 00:18:12,547 This isn't about some unfulfilled dream. 389 00:18:12,547 --> 00:18:14,226 You're having a midlife crisis 390 00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:16,943 and you're taking it out on a future senator from California. 391 00:18:16,943 --> 00:18:18,462 Midlife crisis? 392 00:18:18,462 --> 00:18:20,140 Wait. Future senator? 393 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:22,338 I will chop his head in two! 394 00:18:22,338 --> 00:18:23,777 Francine, don't you see? 395 00:18:23,777 --> 00:18:26,574 Sure, Clooney has no cares, no one that depends on him, 396 00:18:26,574 --> 00:18:29,650 but he has no one that depends on him. 397 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,768 But you, you have a family, 398 00:18:31,768 --> 00:18:33,367 a son, a daughter, 399 00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:36,483 and a husband who took a sabbatical from work, 400 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,083 moved to Prague, 401 00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:41,958 and hired mercenaries to help his wife seduce another man. 402 00:18:41,958 --> 00:18:44,555 You probably would have let me sleep with him. 403 00:18:44,555 --> 00:18:46,233 Of course. I assumed you did. 404 00:18:55,185 --> 00:18:58,302 I'm the luckiest girl in the world. 405 00:18:58,302 --> 00:19:00,579 You know, I actually feel sorry for him. 406 00:19:00,579 --> 00:19:02,898 He'll never know this kind of happiness. 407 00:19:03,536 --> 00:19:04,536 Let's go home. 408 00:19:09,611 --> 00:19:11,449 Honey, have you seen my garment bag? 409 00:19:11,449 --> 00:19:13,007 Right here. Do you have my hand? 410 00:19:13,007 --> 00:19:14,606 Yeah, it's in the cooler by the door. 411 00:19:18,042 --> 00:19:21,079 I'll be right back. I have some unfinished business. 412 00:19:24,076 --> 00:19:26,035 Stan, my boy. 413 00:19:26,035 --> 00:19:27,432 I can't bump, George. 414 00:19:28,671 --> 00:19:30,069 What's wrong? 415 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:32,028 -I'm leaving. -What do you mean? 416 00:19:32,028 --> 00:19:34,546 -Where? -I'm leaving you, George. 417 00:19:34,546 --> 00:19:36,104 What? 418 00:19:36,104 --> 00:19:38,661 You almost had me. 419 00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:41,179 It's like the time I told Cathy Zeta her mom killed her... 420 00:19:41,179 --> 00:19:42,418 I'm not joking! 421 00:19:42,418 --> 00:19:44,775 I've just got other priorities. 422 00:19:44,775 --> 00:19:47,372 But we'll still be bros, right? 423 00:19:49,011 --> 00:19:51,369 Whatever it is, we can make it work. 424 00:19:51,369 --> 00:19:52,407 I'm sorry. 425 00:19:52,407 --> 00:19:54,725 Stan, I can change! 426 00:19:54,725 --> 00:19:56,844 It's not you, George. It's me. 427 00:20:07,672 --> 00:20:10,749 Oh, Stan, this is the best birthday present 428 00:20:10,749 --> 00:20:12,348 you've ever given me! 429 00:20:12,348 --> 00:20:15,184 Hey, that's right. Look at that. It's after midnight. 430 00:20:15,184 --> 00:20:17,302 Happy 40th birthday, honey.