1 00:00:02,718 --> 00:00:05,195 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 2 00:00:05,195 --> 00:00:08,991 ♪ I got a feeling That it's gonna be A wonderful day ♪ 3 00:00:08,991 --> 00:00:11,828 ♪ The sun in the sky Has a smile on his face ♪ 4 00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:15,185 ♪ And he's shining a salute To the American race ♪ 5 00:00:17,822 --> 00:00:20,859 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 6 00:00:20,859 --> 00:00:23,657 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 7 00:00:25,654 --> 00:00:28,612 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 8 00:00:32,207 --> 00:00:33,926 Okay, Frank. 9 00:00:33,926 --> 00:00:36,883 Let's see how well you know your buddy Dennis. 10 00:00:36,883 --> 00:00:39,360 What is his favorite wattage of lightbulb? 11 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,080 Seventy-five? 12 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,036 Ooh, sorry. The answer is 60. 13 00:00:44,036 --> 00:00:46,434 Seventy-five? What the hell? 14 00:00:46,434 --> 00:00:49,551 That clip was provided by the fun, new game show, Best Buddiez! 15 00:00:49,551 --> 00:00:51,268 That's right, Greg. 16 00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:53,306 And next week, Best Buddiez! Is taping right here in Langley Falls 17 00:00:53,306 --> 00:00:55,744 with a grand prize of $200,000. 18 00:00:55,744 --> 00:00:57,303 And your favorite anchor-partners 19 00:00:57,303 --> 00:00:58,581 are gonna be contestants. 20 00:00:58,581 --> 00:01:00,820 Because, after all, we are just buddies, 21 00:01:00,820 --> 00:01:02,537 according to the government. 22 00:01:02,537 --> 00:01:04,335 And Terry's father. 23 00:01:04,335 --> 00:01:06,054 I need a best buddy. 24 00:01:06,054 --> 00:01:08,571 All right! I'm packed and ready to party. 25 00:01:08,571 --> 00:01:09,691 Party time! 26 00:01:09,691 --> 00:01:11,209 Enjoy your last look at my ass 27 00:01:11,209 --> 00:01:13,206 'cause I'm gonna party it off. 28 00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:16,564 I'm going to my best friend Bobo Peterson's bachelor party in Atlantic City. 29 00:01:16,564 --> 00:01:18,322 You got a best buddy? 30 00:01:18,322 --> 00:01:20,200 Can I be your second best buddy? 31 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,238 Let's see. How do I hang an air freshener on this? 32 00:01:22,238 --> 00:01:23,876 You are a total waste of space. 33 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,554 I often dream of killing you. 34 00:01:25,554 --> 00:01:28,871 Ah, mountain pine. 35 00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:30,950 Oh, I almost forgot Bobo's gag gift. 36 00:01:31,988 --> 00:01:33,986 Ach, Gott. Is little Rogie gonna cry? 37 00:01:33,986 --> 00:01:35,305 Because if you are, 38 00:01:35,305 --> 00:01:38,062 I'll put on some Edie Brickell and join you. 39 00:01:38,062 --> 00:01:40,859 Oh, good. Stan hasn't left for the bachelor party. 40 00:01:40,859 --> 00:01:43,217 Just want to put a few things in his suitcase. 41 00:01:43,217 --> 00:01:46,454 Our wedding photo. Steve's first pinecone turkey. 42 00:01:46,454 --> 00:01:48,772 A pamphlet on full-blown AIDS. 43 00:01:48,772 --> 00:01:51,249 Stan might be an insensitive feelings-hurter, 44 00:01:51,249 --> 00:01:52,927 but he'd never cheat on you. 45 00:01:52,927 --> 00:01:55,085 It's not Stan I'm worried about. 46 00:01:55,085 --> 00:01:57,763 It's the female entertainment I don't trust. 47 00:01:57,763 --> 00:02:00,520 Men throw a little cash at 'em, they'll do anything. 48 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,237 Then sometimes, when you're on the floor with another girl, 49 00:02:03,237 --> 00:02:05,315 guys will throw money, then pick it up 50 00:02:05,315 --> 00:02:07,433 and throw the same singles out there again. 51 00:02:07,433 --> 00:02:08,511 Like I'm an idiot. 52 00:02:08,511 --> 00:02:10,390 Like I don't have peripheral vision? 53 00:02:13,346 --> 00:02:15,264 Hey, if you want, I could go along 54 00:02:15,264 --> 00:02:16,704 and keep an eye on Stan. 55 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,742 It'd be the perfect chance for us to bond. 56 00:02:18,742 --> 00:02:21,138 Come on, Roger. He'd never let you go. 57 00:02:21,138 --> 00:02:23,297 Oh, I can be very persuasive. 58 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,973 Surprise! 59 00:02:26,973 --> 00:02:30,410 Look in your heart! I'm praying to you. 60 00:02:30,410 --> 00:02:32,767 Look in your heart. 61 00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:35,165 You can't do this. It's not right! 62 00:02:35,165 --> 00:02:37,124 It's a wrong situation. 63 00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:40,001 I-I couldn't help it. It's my nature. 64 00:02:40,001 --> 00:02:42,878 Somebody hands me an angle, I play it. 65 00:02:42,878 --> 00:02:45,475 I don't deserve to die for that. 66 00:02:45,475 --> 00:02:47,152 Do you think I do? 67 00:02:47,152 --> 00:02:48,752 This is not us. 68 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:52,268 This is some hop dream. I'm praying to you. 69 00:02:52,268 --> 00:02:53,826 I can't die! 70 00:02:53,826 --> 00:02:57,223 I can't die out here in the woods! 71 00:02:57,223 --> 00:02:58,861 What the hell are you talking about? 72 00:02:58,861 --> 00:03:01,019 It's from my favorite movie, Miller's Crossing. 73 00:03:01,019 --> 00:03:03,057 Bravo, Joel and Ethan Coen. 74 00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:05,254 I mean, there are some proud parents, huh? 75 00:03:05,254 --> 00:03:07,052 Some nachas for the Coens? 76 00:03:11,008 --> 00:03:12,847 Hurry up. That's the fifth pair you've tried on. 77 00:03:12,847 --> 00:03:15,285 I want to see how my boy goods look in yellow. 78 00:03:17,003 --> 00:03:18,721 Oh, yeah! 79 00:03:18,721 --> 00:03:20,639 Sold and... 80 00:03:21,319 --> 00:03:22,397 Sold. 81 00:03:23,476 --> 00:03:24,475 Hey, Trudy. 82 00:03:24,475 --> 00:03:27,073 -Oh. Hi... -It's Steve. 83 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,830 I spend a lot of time by the senior lockers staring at you. 84 00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:31,987 Oh, well, it's nice bumping into you. 85 00:03:35,065 --> 00:03:36,063 I'm gonna wear these out. 86 00:03:37,143 --> 00:03:38,661 You go to Georgetown? 87 00:03:38,661 --> 00:03:40,899 I'm a woman's studies major at Groff Community College. 88 00:03:40,899 --> 00:03:42,378 I know Groff. 89 00:03:42,378 --> 00:03:44,176 That's the school my retarded cousin took classes at. 90 00:03:44,176 --> 00:03:46,454 -I'm Hayley. -I'm Miles. 91 00:03:46,454 --> 00:03:47,973 You know, maybe we could go out some... 92 00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,009 Well, nice meeting you. 93 00:03:52,927 --> 00:03:54,445 Did you see that? 94 00:03:54,445 --> 00:03:56,763 Miles and I had a total connection. 95 00:03:56,763 --> 00:03:58,841 Yeah. So did me and Trudy. 96 00:03:58,841 --> 00:04:01,758 Miles would be so much happier with me. 97 00:04:01,758 --> 00:04:05,155 What do you say we give 'em a little nudge towards happiness? 98 00:04:05,155 --> 00:04:07,433 You mean, break them up? 99 00:04:07,433 --> 00:04:08,871 Mm-hmm. 100 00:04:08,871 --> 00:04:10,589 -For their own good. -For their own good. 101 00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:14,786 Bachelor party! 102 00:04:14,786 --> 00:04:15,984 Let's kill some hookers! 103 00:04:17,982 --> 00:04:20,780 Bobo, you crazy old herpes spreader! 104 00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:22,578 There's Lieutenant Herpes. Heh! 105 00:04:22,578 --> 00:04:24,974 Or is it Captain Herpes now? 106 00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:27,133 Stan, I haven't seen you since college. 107 00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:28,771 What are you doing here? 108 00:04:28,771 --> 00:04:30,649 What do you mean? I'm here for my best friend's bachelor party. 109 00:04:30,649 --> 00:04:31,968 I got your Evite. 110 00:04:31,968 --> 00:04:34,445 Oh. My secretary must have accidentally sent that. 111 00:04:34,445 --> 00:04:35,724 Accidentally sent... 112 00:04:35,724 --> 00:04:38,161 Get outta here, you crazy old herpes spreader! 113 00:04:38,161 --> 00:04:39,840 Will you please stop calling me that? 114 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:40,840 Oh, I got you a present. 115 00:04:42,078 --> 00:04:45,315 It's an Asian sex doll. Huh, remember in college? 116 00:04:45,315 --> 00:04:47,912 You were always talking about climbing the Great Wall of Vagina? 117 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:50,589 Uh, Stan, 118 00:04:50,589 --> 00:04:54,745 this is my future father-in-law, Reverend Hideki Obayashi. 119 00:04:54,745 --> 00:04:56,503 Ohhh. 120 00:04:59,221 --> 00:05:00,459 I don't understand. 121 00:05:00,459 --> 00:05:02,178 I thought Bobo and I were friends. 122 00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:05,455 How could someone have changed so much in 22 years? 123 00:05:07,612 --> 00:05:10,690 Come on, Stan... I mean, Mr. Moskowitz. 124 00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:12,687 You and I can still do it up. 125 00:05:15,205 --> 00:05:17,363 Cheer up, Stan. Hey, watch this. 126 00:05:17,363 --> 00:05:20,120 So, uh, driver, you been doin' this for a long time? 127 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,758 Actually, my wife and I just moved out here... 128 00:05:24,635 --> 00:05:26,074 There he is! 129 00:05:26,074 --> 00:05:27,273 Hey, watch this, watch this. 130 00:05:27,273 --> 00:05:29,751 Think we can get two? 131 00:05:29,751 --> 00:05:32,428 Sorry. My finger hit the button by accident. What were you saying? 132 00:05:32,428 --> 00:05:34,185 Oh, that's okay. 133 00:05:34,185 --> 00:05:37,263 I was saying when my wife and I first moved out here... 134 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:42,378 ♪ I'm having a good time Having a good time ♪ 135 00:05:42,378 --> 00:05:44,696 ♪ I'm a shooting star Leaping through the sky ♪ 136 00:05:44,696 --> 00:05:49,091 ♪ Like a tiger defying The laws of gravity ♪ 137 00:05:52,368 --> 00:05:55,684 ♪ Oh, I'm burnin' through The sky, yeah ♪ 138 00:05:55,684 --> 00:05:57,083 ♪ 200 degrees ♪ 139 00:05:57,083 --> 00:05:59,800 ♪ That's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit ♪ 140 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,198 ♪ I'm traveling At the speed of light ♪ 141 00:06:02,198 --> 00:06:06,194 ♪ I wanna make A supersonic man Out of you ♪ 142 00:06:06,194 --> 00:06:08,351 ♪ Don't stop me now ♪ 143 00:06:08,351 --> 00:06:11,868 ♪ I'm having such a good time I'm having a ball ♪ 144 00:06:11,868 --> 00:06:13,826 ♪ Don't stop me now ♪ 145 00:06:13,826 --> 00:06:15,983 ♪ If you wanna have A good time ♪ 146 00:06:15,983 --> 00:06:18,181 ♪ Just give me a call ♪ 147 00:06:18,181 --> 00:06:19,660 ♪ Don't stop me now ♪ 148 00:06:19,660 --> 00:06:21,219 ♪ I'm having a good time ♪ 149 00:06:21,219 --> 00:06:23,417 ♪ Don't stop me now ♪ Yes, I'm having a good time ♪ 150 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:29,011 ♪ I don't want To stop at all ♪ 151 00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:38,362 Were you able to sneak into Miles's locker? 152 00:06:38,362 --> 00:06:39,321 Piece of cake. 153 00:06:42,557 --> 00:06:44,076 This isn't my earring. 154 00:06:44,076 --> 00:06:45,554 How'd it get in your back pocket? 155 00:06:45,554 --> 00:06:47,233 I... I don't know. 156 00:06:47,233 --> 00:06:49,830 The seeds of mistrust have been sown. 157 00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:54,066 This is so nice. 158 00:06:54,066 --> 00:06:55,344 Y-You know, we should... 159 00:06:55,344 --> 00:06:56,863 We should buy this place. 160 00:06:56,863 --> 00:06:59,380 Oh, we... we should totally buy this place. 161 00:06:59,380 --> 00:07:01,099 B-But let's not just say it. 162 00:07:01,099 --> 00:07:03,457 No, no, we're gonna do it. Absolutely. 163 00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,055 I'll... I'll move some things around. 164 00:07:06,014 --> 00:07:06,973 Your turn. 165 00:07:11,129 --> 00:07:12,288 Are they on? 166 00:07:12,288 --> 00:07:15,045 You gotta turn it past 20! 167 00:07:15,045 --> 00:07:16,563 Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold! 168 00:07:16,563 --> 00:07:19,201 -Warm! -Who needs Bobo? 169 00:07:19,201 --> 00:07:22,518 This is the... This is the greatest, best night ever. 170 00:07:22,518 --> 00:07:23,757 Hey, thanks for cheering me up. 171 00:07:23,757 --> 00:07:25,594 You're a... You're a real pal. 172 00:07:25,594 --> 00:07:26,673 Really? 173 00:07:26,673 --> 00:07:28,911 You mean we're... buddies? 174 00:07:28,911 --> 00:07:32,108 A-Are you kidding? Hey, we're best buddies. 175 00:07:32,108 --> 00:07:35,465 Best bud... Oh, my God. I need a-another Tecate. 176 00:07:35,465 --> 00:07:36,863 Hand me... Hand me a Tecate. 177 00:07:37,982 --> 00:07:41,419 To best buds, b-by Earth standards. 178 00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:42,857 Wh-Why do you... 179 00:07:42,857 --> 00:07:44,416 Why do you have to qualify it like that? 180 00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:47,652 No, it's great. I-It's just on my planet, 181 00:07:47,652 --> 00:07:51,608 best buds have a ritual where they just really connect. 182 00:07:51,608 --> 00:07:53,287 Well, w-we connect. 183 00:07:53,287 --> 00:07:56,164 Yeah, but I mean there's this thing that we do, 184 00:07:56,164 --> 00:07:57,881 and only best friends can do it, 185 00:07:57,881 --> 00:07:59,600 and I-it bonds you for life. 186 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,598 Oh, let's do that! How do we do that? 187 00:08:01,598 --> 00:08:04,037 It's kind of a probe thing. 188 00:08:04,037 --> 00:08:05,354 Whatever. Let's go! 189 00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:07,073 Uh, I-I don't know. 190 00:08:07,073 --> 00:08:09,990 It might be a little intense, you know. 191 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:13,347 In an instant, you know everything about the other person. 192 00:08:13,347 --> 00:08:14,625 I mean, it's like... 193 00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:17,822 It's like having a thousand conversations at once. 194 00:08:17,822 --> 00:08:19,660 Do it to me! 195 00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:21,978 Ah, I don't want to mess things up. 196 00:08:21,978 --> 00:08:23,896 How would this mess things up? 197 00:08:23,896 --> 00:08:25,974 It's only gonna make things better. 198 00:08:25,974 --> 00:08:29,491 You think so? I-I do. I really do. 199 00:08:29,491 --> 00:08:30,969 Well... 200 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,687 Okay! Let's do this. 201 00:08:35,564 --> 00:08:37,323 Whoa, wait. You know... 202 00:08:37,323 --> 00:08:40,759 You know this may be a little too, uh... uh... Oh! 203 00:08:40,759 --> 00:08:44,835 ♪ Oh, say can you see ♪ 204 00:09:13,446 --> 00:09:15,524 Hi. 205 00:09:16,683 --> 00:09:18,881 What time is it? 206 00:09:18,881 --> 00:09:20,760 Uh, I don't know. 207 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:21,998 Early. 208 00:09:21,998 --> 00:09:24,515 Dressed already? Where you goin'? 209 00:09:24,515 --> 00:09:27,911 I was, uh, gonna... Gonna get some coffee. 210 00:09:27,911 --> 00:09:29,710 Ooh, sounds like heaven. 211 00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:32,348 I'm also a little nibbly nib. You wanna grab some brunch? 212 00:09:32,348 --> 00:09:35,265 Uh, we should... we should probably just head on home. 213 00:09:35,265 --> 00:09:37,183 Can I, uh, have my shirt back? 214 00:09:37,183 --> 00:09:39,420 Oh, boo. It's so comfy. 215 00:09:39,420 --> 00:09:41,898 Tell you what. Why don't I give it back to you after I wash it? 216 00:09:45,015 --> 00:09:47,813 You know, I-I got to admit, I was nervous about goin' there last night, 217 00:09:47,813 --> 00:09:50,490 but you were right. We were totally ready. 218 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:53,367 Kinda like how you were ready for sleepaway camp in third grade 219 00:09:53,367 --> 00:09:55,365 even though you cried in the car all the way there. 220 00:09:55,365 --> 00:09:57,163 How... How do you know that? 221 00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,041 Well, I know all your memories now. 222 00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:00,879 Just like you know all mine, right? 223 00:10:00,879 --> 00:10:02,477 I don't know anything anymore. 224 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,436 Huh. You didn't get any of my memories? 225 00:10:04,436 --> 00:10:06,713 That's weird. Must be an alien thing. 226 00:10:08,952 --> 00:10:12,108 Last night was spectacular. 227 00:10:12,108 --> 00:10:14,065 I am super glad we did that. 228 00:10:16,743 --> 00:10:19,940 Don't fill up. I'm making stuffed game hens for dinner. 229 00:10:19,940 --> 00:10:22,218 Oh, Stan loves game hens. 230 00:10:22,218 --> 00:10:25,494 Remember how Aunt Ida used to make 'em for you before the arthritis? 231 00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:28,092 -No. -Yes, you do. Kidder. 232 00:10:28,092 --> 00:10:30,569 I didn't expect you two home so early. 233 00:10:30,569 --> 00:10:32,567 Oh, Francine, it was fantastic. 234 00:10:32,567 --> 00:10:34,885 Stan and I took our friendship to a whole new... 235 00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:37,483 Nothing happened! We went to the bachelor party and then went to bed. 236 00:10:37,483 --> 00:10:40,080 -No big whoop. -No big... whoop? 237 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,917 I know it's silly, Stan, but I was so worried 238 00:10:42,917 --> 00:10:45,395 you'd end up doing something you'd regret. 239 00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,753 Stan, how could you say nothing special happened? 240 00:10:47,753 --> 00:10:49,671 Because I just want to forget about it, okay? 241 00:10:49,671 --> 00:10:51,508 I was drunk, and I made a mistake, 242 00:10:51,508 --> 00:10:53,068 and we're never gonna talk about it again. 243 00:10:53,068 --> 00:10:54,986 What are you boys whispering about? 244 00:10:54,986 --> 00:10:56,423 Different types of sandwiches! 245 00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:57,542 Hmm. 246 00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:59,700 Are you sure nothing happened last night? 247 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:00,979 I told you. Nothing happened. 248 00:11:01,938 --> 00:11:03,377 Yes. Nothing. 249 00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:06,014 Excuse me. 250 00:11:06,014 --> 00:11:08,332 Thank you, Francine. The sandwich was delicious. 251 00:11:09,530 --> 00:11:10,689 So, how are the kids? 252 00:11:13,927 --> 00:11:16,364 Now that the seeds of mistrust are sprouting, 253 00:11:16,364 --> 00:11:17,562 we must harvest them. 254 00:11:19,641 --> 00:11:22,157 Hello? 255 00:11:22,157 --> 00:11:24,955 Miss Lawrence, just a few questions for a fitness survey. 256 00:11:24,955 --> 00:11:26,634 Where do you typically work out? 257 00:11:26,634 --> 00:11:28,991 -At the gym. -Good. And where is it located? 258 00:11:28,991 --> 00:11:30,430 About three miles north of here. 259 00:11:30,430 --> 00:11:32,348 After you work out, how do you relax? 260 00:11:32,348 --> 00:11:33,746 I get a massage. 261 00:11:33,746 --> 00:11:35,985 And when your car's not in drive, it's in? 262 00:11:35,985 --> 00:11:38,302 -Park. -And if you're from Brazil, you're? 263 00:11:38,302 --> 00:11:39,740 You're Brazilian. 264 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,699 Look, is this a crank call? 265 00:11:41,699 --> 00:11:44,176 -Hold, please. -I can't wait around. I'm leaving to meet... 266 00:11:44,176 --> 00:11:45,695 -Did you get it? -Got it. 267 00:11:49,451 --> 00:11:50,689 Please leave a message. 268 00:11:51,529 --> 00:11:53,327 Hello? Gym. 269 00:11:53,327 --> 00:11:54,685 Who's Jim? 270 00:11:54,685 --> 00:11:58,641 I can't wait to massage your Brazilian crank. 271 00:11:58,641 --> 00:12:00,679 Meet me at three at the 272 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:03,117 ♪ West end ♪ -of the park. 273 00:12:03,117 --> 00:12:05,035 I'm... leaving... Miles. 274 00:12:05,035 --> 00:12:07,112 She must have dialed my number by mistake. 275 00:12:07,832 --> 00:12:09,310 She's cheating on me. 276 00:12:18,741 --> 00:12:21,139 Roger, what's going on with Stan? 277 00:12:21,139 --> 00:12:23,377 He's been acting very nervous and secretive. 278 00:12:23,377 --> 00:12:25,934 You can add distant and hurtful to that list. 279 00:12:25,934 --> 00:12:28,371 Something happened in Atlantic City, didn't it? 280 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,447 -No. -Roger, look at me. 281 00:12:32,447 --> 00:12:34,365 What happened in Atlantic City? 282 00:12:34,365 --> 00:12:36,084 Why don't you ask your husband! 283 00:12:37,603 --> 00:12:39,401 I'll thank you to leave now. 284 00:12:42,038 --> 00:12:44,476 Stan Smith. 285 00:12:44,476 --> 00:12:45,914 Hello? 286 00:12:45,914 --> 00:12:47,672 Roger, I know it's you. 287 00:12:47,672 --> 00:12:49,990 I can hear your humidifier. 288 00:12:49,990 --> 00:12:51,869 -What you doin'? -Stop calling me here! 289 00:12:51,869 --> 00:12:53,907 We need to talk about Atlantic City. 290 00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:55,305 Francine's asking questions, 291 00:12:55,305 --> 00:12:56,544 and I don't know what to tell her. 292 00:12:56,544 --> 00:12:58,501 Tell her nothing! Look, I have work to do. 293 00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:01,658 Don't hang up! I will not be ignored, Stan. 294 00:13:01,658 --> 00:13:03,177 I'll come down there. 295 00:13:03,177 --> 00:13:05,614 Oh, yeah, I'll come down there, and I will make such a scene. 296 00:13:05,614 --> 00:13:07,412 Okay, okay, just calm down. 297 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,691 Remember, I'm your buddy. 298 00:13:08,691 --> 00:13:09,770 Are you? 299 00:13:09,770 --> 00:13:11,209 'Cause you're not acting like it! 300 00:13:11,209 --> 00:13:14,206 Look, meet me in the parking lot behind Big Buy. 301 00:13:14,206 --> 00:13:16,843 And whatever you do, don't say anything to Francine. 302 00:13:19,361 --> 00:13:22,837 Oh, I will find out what happened in Atlantic City. 303 00:13:22,837 --> 00:13:24,436 I guarantee you that! 304 00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:25,674 Ooh, can I help? 305 00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:27,552 How could you help? You're a fish. 306 00:13:27,552 --> 00:13:28,791 Oh, okay. 307 00:13:28,791 --> 00:13:30,669 Could you just press play on that boom box 308 00:13:30,669 --> 00:13:32,108 on your way out? 309 00:13:32,108 --> 00:13:35,105 ♪ I quit, I give up ♪ 310 00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,142 ♪ Nothing's good enough ♪ 311 00:13:37,142 --> 00:13:39,701 ♪ For anybody else ♪ 312 00:13:45,255 --> 00:13:47,013 I'm assuming this is gonna go well, 313 00:13:47,013 --> 00:13:48,452 so I got us hot wings. 314 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:50,929 There's $10,000 in this briefcase. 315 00:13:50,929 --> 00:13:53,327 We're buying that hotel! 316 00:13:53,327 --> 00:13:55,604 -Oh, Staniel! -Get off me! 317 00:13:55,604 --> 00:13:57,763 The money's for you to get a new start somewhere. 318 00:13:57,763 --> 00:14:00,040 You're paying me to go away? 319 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,838 You bastard! 320 00:14:04,036 --> 00:14:05,595 You pushed me into this! 321 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,473 I told you it would ruin our friendship, 322 00:14:07,473 --> 00:14:09,551 but you said, "No, let's go. Do it to me." 323 00:14:09,551 --> 00:14:11,228 So I gave myself to you. 324 00:14:11,228 --> 00:14:13,347 Why the hell can't you just let this go? 325 00:14:13,347 --> 00:14:15,465 Because you were my first. 326 00:14:20,539 --> 00:14:21,899 I had no idea. 327 00:14:22,457 --> 00:14:23,657 I wanted a buddy. 328 00:14:23,657 --> 00:14:25,575 But now I never want to see you again. 329 00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,888 You were supposed to come after me! 330 00:14:31,888 --> 00:14:34,685 What? You crazy psycho bitch! Leave me alone! 331 00:14:34,685 --> 00:14:37,243 -This conversation isn't over! -Yes, it is! 332 00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:40,439 Trying to get rid of me? I'll kill us both! 333 00:14:41,638 --> 00:14:43,277 What the hell was that? 334 00:14:43,277 --> 00:14:46,433 I'm not hurt. It's a miracle! 335 00:14:46,433 --> 00:14:48,312 I think you're still on top of it. Back up. 336 00:14:51,788 --> 00:14:53,865 Oh, my God! I hit Francine! 337 00:14:54,785 --> 00:14:56,264 We should probably leave a note. 338 00:15:06,414 --> 00:15:07,972 Hello, I'm Dr. Gupta. 339 00:15:07,972 --> 00:15:10,289 Yes, I'm a woman. I suppose you have a problem with that. 340 00:15:10,289 --> 00:15:12,448 Uh, no. Is my wife gonna be okay? 341 00:15:12,448 --> 00:15:13,846 Are you questioning my competence? 342 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:15,764 No, I'm just concerned about my wife. 343 00:15:15,764 --> 00:15:18,042 Really? 'Cause the way you're looking at me, 344 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:19,960 it seems like you're concerned with something else. 345 00:15:22,078 --> 00:15:23,996 There. Now can we move on? 346 00:15:23,996 --> 00:15:26,114 When you ran over your wife, twice, 347 00:15:26,114 --> 00:15:28,831 it caused her brain to detach from her central nervous system. 348 00:15:28,831 --> 00:15:31,868 She's what we in the medical profession call "a husk." 349 00:15:31,868 --> 00:15:33,067 I've heard of that. 350 00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:34,545 We can reattach her brain, 351 00:15:34,545 --> 00:15:36,024 but it's an experimental procedure 352 00:15:36,024 --> 00:15:36,944 your insurance won't cover. 353 00:15:36,944 --> 00:15:38,142 That's my wife. 354 00:15:38,142 --> 00:15:39,541 I don't care how much it is, I'll pay it. 355 00:15:39,541 --> 00:15:41,459 It's $178,000. 356 00:15:41,459 --> 00:15:42,698 What if I don't need her to talk? 357 00:15:45,055 --> 00:15:46,374 There's Miles. 358 00:15:46,374 --> 00:15:48,891 He thinks Trudy's meeting Brazilian Jim here. 359 00:15:48,891 --> 00:15:50,210 And there's Trudy. 360 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,448 She thinks Miles is meeting Earring Girl. 361 00:15:52,448 --> 00:15:53,846 They'll break up with each other. 362 00:15:53,846 --> 00:15:55,725 Then we'll swoop in and comfort them. 363 00:15:55,725 --> 00:15:57,282 I'm sick of your lies! 364 00:15:57,282 --> 00:15:59,240 Where's that Brazilian douche bag? 365 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,238 You're the liar! Where's your whore? 366 00:16:01,238 --> 00:16:03,357 I really think Miles and I have a future. 367 00:16:03,357 --> 00:16:06,394 Yeah, there's something about Trudy's soul that warms me. 368 00:16:07,992 --> 00:16:10,270 His face! 369 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,667 Oh, my God! 370 00:16:13,866 --> 00:16:16,623 Her bod! 371 00:16:17,702 --> 00:16:19,061 -I'm out. -Yeah, me too. 372 00:16:20,859 --> 00:16:23,017 How much for the porcelain poodles? 373 00:16:23,017 --> 00:16:24,815 $178,000. 374 00:16:26,534 --> 00:16:29,451 I may be back. 375 00:16:29,451 --> 00:16:32,807 Hey! What are Gypsy Rose Lee and Mama Rose doin' here? 376 00:16:32,807 --> 00:16:35,604 I'm selling them to raise money for Francine's operation. 377 00:16:35,604 --> 00:16:36,803 Sell your own stuff! 378 00:16:36,803 --> 00:16:38,601 Why should I? This is all your fault. 379 00:16:38,601 --> 00:16:39,840 Oh, call off the dogs. 380 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,598 I found the perfect piece for your study. 381 00:16:41,598 --> 00:16:42,797 You've got to be kidding. 382 00:16:42,797 --> 00:16:44,356 What? You love Southwestern art. 383 00:16:44,356 --> 00:16:46,554 No, I love pre-Columbian artifacts. 384 00:16:46,554 --> 00:16:48,872 Ooh. The bag boy at Whole Foods isn't watching. 385 00:16:48,872 --> 00:16:50,149 You don't have to show off. 386 00:16:50,149 --> 00:16:51,788 If we're gonna win on Best Buddiez! tonight, 387 00:16:51,788 --> 00:16:53,865 you're gonna have to know me a hell of a lot better than that. 388 00:16:53,865 --> 00:16:55,664 I want that $200,000. 389 00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:57,622 Best Buddiez! 390 00:16:57,622 --> 00:16:58,581 That's it! 391 00:17:00,459 --> 00:17:02,138 What the hell are we doing on this show? 392 00:17:02,138 --> 00:17:04,695 We're doing this for Francine. Remember? 393 00:17:04,695 --> 00:17:06,373 I know everything about you. 394 00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:07,813 I'll answer a few questions, 395 00:17:07,813 --> 00:17:09,330 and that grand prize is ours. 396 00:17:09,330 --> 00:17:11,528 And now here's your hosts, 397 00:17:11,528 --> 00:17:13,807 America's favorite bosom buddies, 398 00:17:13,807 --> 00:17:16,963 Peter Scolari and Wendie Jo Sperber. 399 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,878 Welcome to Best Buddiez!, 400 00:17:21,878 --> 00:17:24,076 where you can whore your knowledge of your buddy 401 00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:25,794 for thousands of dollars. 402 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:29,790 First up, Langley Falls local anchor-partners and best buddies, 403 00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:31,789 Greg and Terry. 404 00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:34,386 She's a real estate agent and former hand model. 405 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,943 He's a pirate-theme children's literature critic. 406 00:17:36,943 --> 00:17:40,500 Best buddies, Barb Hanson and Cap'n Monty. 407 00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:45,574 And finally, a CIA agent and a European recording star. 408 00:17:45,574 --> 00:17:47,053 Oh, like they're gonna check. 409 00:17:47,053 --> 00:17:50,889 Best buddies, Stan and Roger. 410 00:17:50,889 --> 00:17:54,685 Okay. Terry, what is Greg's favorite appetizer? 411 00:17:54,685 --> 00:17:57,123 Oh, that's easy. It's potato skins. 412 00:17:57,123 --> 00:18:00,719 No. It's wasabi tuna in a raddicchio sauce. 413 00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:03,596 Even I think that's gay. 414 00:18:21,258 --> 00:18:22,936 We are kicking their ass! 415 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,534 And now it's time for... the reversal round. 416 00:18:25,534 --> 00:18:26,694 Uh-oh. 417 00:18:26,694 --> 00:18:28,612 Wait. I have to answer questions about you? 418 00:18:28,612 --> 00:18:29,770 Why didn't you tell me this? 419 00:18:29,770 --> 00:18:31,289 I didn't know they had a second round. 420 00:18:31,289 --> 00:18:34,046 Ten minutes of this crap is usually all I can take. 421 00:18:48,911 --> 00:18:50,550 Stan and Roger, you're only down 10 points. 422 00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:52,548 If you get this final question, 423 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:55,185 you'll win the game and the money. 424 00:18:55,185 --> 00:18:58,741 Stan, what is Roger's favorite movie? 425 00:18:59,341 --> 00:19:01,698 I... I have no idea. 426 00:19:01,698 --> 00:19:03,216 Sure you do. 427 00:19:03,216 --> 00:19:05,495 Look in your heart, Stan. 428 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,011 Oh, I've got it! 429 00:19:09,611 --> 00:19:10,810 White Chicks. 430 00:19:14,526 --> 00:19:15,964 Oh, Franiel! 431 00:19:15,964 --> 00:19:18,362 The doctor said there's no hope of recovery 432 00:19:18,362 --> 00:19:20,200 without that operation. 433 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,319 I failed her. 434 00:19:22,397 --> 00:19:24,315 Thanks for being here with me. 435 00:19:24,315 --> 00:19:26,154 You're a true friend. 436 00:19:26,154 --> 00:19:28,792 That's what I've been trying to tell you. 437 00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,629 I guess I've been kind of a jerk. 438 00:19:30,629 --> 00:19:33,027 Well, I can get a little needy. 439 00:19:33,027 --> 00:19:35,065 Can we just pretend all this never happened? 440 00:19:35,065 --> 00:19:36,503 All what never happened? 441 00:19:36,503 --> 00:19:38,102 You know, in the Jacuzzi, when you... 442 00:19:38,102 --> 00:19:40,579 Oh! Oh. You were pretending like all this never happened. 443 00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:42,937 You were already... Okay. All right. I-I got it. I-I'm with you. 444 00:19:44,376 --> 00:19:46,853 Well, I guess it's time to call the kids 445 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:50,690 and let them know we've lost Mommy forever. 446 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,366 Don't mind me. Woman in the room. 447 00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:54,926 Stan, wait! 448 00:19:54,926 --> 00:19:57,523 What if I performed the surgery? 449 00:19:57,523 --> 00:19:59,880 What are you talking about? It's a highly specialized operation. 450 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:00,959 You don't know how to do that. 451 00:20:00,959 --> 00:20:02,158 True, but, uh, 452 00:20:02,158 --> 00:20:03,397 I'm a fast learner. 453 00:20:10,349 --> 00:20:13,226 Roger, once again, great job on that surgery. 454 00:20:13,226 --> 00:20:15,264 Yeah, it was touch and go there for a while. 455 00:20:15,264 --> 00:20:17,023 But all's well that ends well. 456 00:20:17,023 --> 00:20:20,179 What's this one, Mom? 457 00:20:20,179 --> 00:20:22,018 That's right. Ball.