1 00:00:02,678 --> 00:00:05,395 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 2 00:00:05,395 --> 00:00:08,871 ♪ I got a feeling That it's gonna be A wonderful day ♪ 3 00:00:08,871 --> 00:00:11,708 ♪ The sun in the sky Has a smile on his face ♪ 4 00:00:11,708 --> 00:00:15,066 ♪ And he's shining a salute To the American race ♪ 5 00:00:17,783 --> 00:00:20,940 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 6 00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:23,896 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 7 00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:28,332 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 8 00:00:30,729 --> 00:00:31,968 ♪ Hey ♪ 9 00:00:33,327 --> 00:00:35,045 ♪ I got you, babe ♪ 10 00:00:35,045 --> 00:00:37,962 ♪ I got you, babe ♪ 11 00:00:39,721 --> 00:00:41,958 ♪ They say our love Won't pay the re... ♪ Good morning. 12 00:00:50,230 --> 00:00:53,387 Don't you die on me, you bastard! You've never given up on anything before. 13 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,586 Fight, damn you, fight! 14 00:00:57,383 --> 00:01:00,619 Code Red! My manual for the ES weapons system is AWOL. 15 00:01:00,619 --> 00:01:03,536 Drop everything and help me find it! I said, drop everything! 16 00:01:03,536 --> 00:01:05,015 -But Stan... -Drop it! 17 00:01:05,015 --> 00:01:08,691 Good. Now, clean that up and help me look. 18 00:01:08,691 --> 00:01:12,568 Hey, Dad. I wanna ask out Carly Mills. How can I make her like me? 19 00:01:12,568 --> 00:01:16,164 -By finding my manual. -Chicks dig that. - 20 00:01:16,164 --> 00:01:18,841 My manual! Hayley, what the hell is that? 21 00:01:18,841 --> 00:01:22,238 My animal rights group rescued him from a product testing lab. 22 00:01:22,238 --> 00:01:25,674 These poor creatures are being shampooed up to 10 times a day! 23 00:01:25,674 --> 00:01:27,592 -Get it out of my house! -I can't. 24 00:01:27,592 --> 00:01:29,670 Everyone's counting on me to give it sanctuary, 25 00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:31,708 until its hair loses its volume and luster! 26 00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:40,420 Morning, everybody. Hey, look. That monkey has a Hayley on its ass. 27 00:01:41,698 --> 00:01:43,856 -Oh, go to hell. -Are you drunk? 28 00:01:43,856 --> 00:01:47,293 Workin' on it. FYI, I backed into my TV, and it died. 29 00:01:47,293 --> 00:01:49,011 So I need a new one. 30 00:01:49,011 --> 00:01:51,688 Too bad. I'm still paying off that Ab-Lounge you never used once. 31 00:01:51,688 --> 00:01:53,606 Hey, that was false advertising. 32 00:01:53,606 --> 00:01:55,885 If they called it a "lounge," it should come with martinis, 33 00:01:55,885 --> 00:01:58,722 and guys in ironic trucker hats, like on The OC 34 00:01:58,722 --> 00:02:01,239 which I'm missing, 'cause I have no TV. 35 00:02:01,239 --> 00:02:03,077 -And here we are. -Forget it. 36 00:02:03,077 --> 00:02:05,514 But I'm a shut-in. TV's all I have. 37 00:02:05,514 --> 00:02:08,432 You think you have problems? I'm demonstrating a new weapon today, 38 00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:10,070 and I have no idea how it works. 39 00:02:10,070 --> 00:02:11,988 What if I kill someone? 40 00:02:11,988 --> 00:02:14,666 -What if I don't kill someone? -Speaking of killing, 41 00:02:14,666 --> 00:02:16,543 you know what the French call an "orgasm"? 42 00:02:16,543 --> 00:02:19,141 "The little death." It harks back to the Middle Ages, 43 00:02:19,141 --> 00:02:21,578 when only midgets were allowed to have orgasms. 44 00:02:21,578 --> 00:02:23,216 It's true! Read the Bible. 45 00:02:25,933 --> 00:02:28,930 Senators, I am proud to present 46 00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:31,568 the exoskeletal weapons system. 47 00:02:35,804 --> 00:02:39,560 -Hmm. -For though the ES is a killing machine, 48 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,318 it can also perform the most delicate of tasks, 49 00:02:42,318 --> 00:02:45,635 be it defusing a bomb, or adjusting the pearls... 50 00:02:45,635 --> 00:02:48,192 of a handsome woman from California. 51 00:02:48,192 --> 00:02:50,309 Senator Feinstein? 52 00:02:50,309 --> 00:02:54,146 -Are you sure it's safe? -In less skilled hands, absolutely not! 53 00:02:54,146 --> 00:02:58,421 You'd be torn asunder! But so great is my confidence in Agent Smith, 54 00:02:58,421 --> 00:03:02,697 that I am putting my reputation, and your life, in his hands. 55 00:03:07,373 --> 00:03:09,331 -Uh, sir? -Not now, Smith. 56 00:03:09,331 --> 00:03:14,565 Behold! Man and machine in an elegant pas de deux of precision and finesse. 57 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,749 Agent Smith, you're out of control! 58 00:03:33,506 --> 00:03:35,943 It's not like I killed her. Hell, she should thank me. 59 00:03:35,943 --> 00:03:39,220 -Now she can park wherever she wants. -Your boss was pretty steamed. 60 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:42,018 Oh, you wouldn't believe the way he tore into me, Doyle. 61 00:03:42,018 --> 00:03:44,816 I mean, worse than the roughest gay porno you ever had to do 62 00:03:44,816 --> 00:03:46,893 to pay off your gambling losses at the Bellagio. 63 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,891 -Wha'? -Yeah. 64 00:03:48,891 --> 00:03:51,568 You... You've got quite the back story, don't you? 65 00:03:51,568 --> 00:03:53,926 Steve? Put your mom on. 66 00:03:53,926 --> 00:03:54,965 Hey, is that Stan? 67 00:03:56,164 --> 00:03:57,523 Did you buy me a TV? 68 00:03:57,523 --> 00:04:00,039 For cryin' out loud, quit nagging me, you harpy! 69 00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:02,757 My God! That's how he talks to his wife? 70 00:04:02,757 --> 00:04:05,594 How else can I get you to listen? You don't respect me. 71 00:04:05,594 --> 00:04:08,113 Why should I respect you? You're fat and lazy! 72 00:04:08,113 --> 00:04:10,110 Now, send Hayley down to the Cloak to pick me up, 73 00:04:10,110 --> 00:04:11,828 or I'll kick your ass when I get home! 74 00:04:12,908 --> 00:04:16,184 Poor Francine! She's so sweet and kind, 75 00:04:16,903 --> 00:04:18,742 and pretty. 76 00:04:18,742 --> 00:04:21,779 Oh, great. I know where this is goin'. Can I at least watch this time? 77 00:04:24,376 --> 00:04:27,533 It's about time, Hayley. Who the hell are you? 78 00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:30,889 Genius, it's me. Styled the wig myself. 79 00:04:30,889 --> 00:04:32,727 I look great. Get in! 80 00:04:35,604 --> 00:04:37,963 Here we are. 81 00:04:37,963 --> 00:04:41,718 Thank God! I just want to go upstairs, and sleep this off, and... 82 00:04:43,076 --> 00:04:45,834 Big Buy? What the hell? 83 00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:48,950 Ah-ah! Not till you buy me a new TV. 84 00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:51,269 I will never buy you a TV! 85 00:04:51,269 --> 00:04:53,826 Fine! Then you can walk home! 86 00:04:53,826 --> 00:04:56,423 You idiot! 87 00:04:58,222 --> 00:05:00,700 Cops already? 88 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,778 What, are we next door to a freakin' Krispy Kreme? 89 00:05:02,778 --> 00:05:04,496 You're thinking about doughnuts, now? 90 00:05:04,496 --> 00:05:06,653 No, I'm just sayin' the cops got here fast. 91 00:05:06,653 --> 00:05:08,970 What the hell do fast cops have to do with a Krispy Kreme? 92 00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:12,328 -Because cops love doughnuts! -You are not making any sense! 93 00:05:15,165 --> 00:05:18,641 Good evening, Officer, is there a... 94 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,758 Hey, Stan? 95 00:05:22,758 --> 00:05:24,875 Now that you're stuck at home, I could really use your input 96 00:05:24,875 --> 00:05:26,633 on redecorating the living room. 97 00:05:26,633 --> 00:05:29,270 Francine, the court order says I'm not allowed to leave the house. 98 00:05:29,270 --> 00:05:31,588 It doesn't say I have to give a crap about what it looks like. 99 00:05:31,588 --> 00:05:34,585 Come on! What do you think of this Incan wish bowl? 100 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:38,102 They say if you touch it and make a wish, it'll come true. 101 00:05:38,102 --> 00:05:40,739 I wished it would look good on this table. 102 00:05:40,739 --> 00:05:42,937 -And it does! -Well, yes. 103 00:05:42,937 --> 00:05:44,935 But there's gotta be a scientific explanation. 104 00:05:44,935 --> 00:05:48,492 -Bye, everyone. Don't wait up. -Where the hell do you think you're going? 105 00:05:48,492 --> 00:05:51,848 -I got fourth row at Mamma Mia! -What? You can't leave the house! 106 00:05:51,848 --> 00:05:54,965 Well, what am I supposed to do here? I don't have a TV, remember? 107 00:05:54,965 --> 00:05:57,202 You think you can stick me with a DUI, 108 00:05:57,202 --> 00:06:00,199 and then head off to a fabulous show you know I've been dying to see? 109 00:06:00,199 --> 00:06:01,918 -No way! -Says who? 110 00:06:01,918 --> 00:06:04,955 -Says me, head of this household. -Well, you suck at it! 111 00:06:04,955 --> 00:06:08,032 Oh, dear. Roger is touching the Incan wish bowl. 112 00:06:08,032 --> 00:06:11,308 You think you could do any better? You wouldn't last a day in my shoes. 113 00:06:11,308 --> 00:06:13,626 All you know how to do is bitch. 114 00:06:13,626 --> 00:06:15,745 Stan is also touching the wish bowl. 115 00:06:15,745 --> 00:06:18,062 I have a bad feeling about this. 116 00:06:18,062 --> 00:06:21,179 I bitch because I have no power around here, bitch. 117 00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:22,936 If I did, we'd all be a lot happier! 118 00:06:22,936 --> 00:06:24,735 I wish we could trade places. 119 00:06:24,735 --> 00:06:27,173 What is that? 120 00:06:27,173 --> 00:06:28,931 What's happening? 121 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,209 Klaus, stop it! 122 00:06:32,887 --> 00:06:34,445 Give me that. You'll break it. 123 00:06:35,724 --> 00:06:37,882 So, were you serious about trading places? 124 00:06:37,882 --> 00:06:41,038 Hey, you want to get a job, pay the bills, deal with everyone's problems? 125 00:06:41,038 --> 00:06:43,756 Be my guest. When it all gets too much for you, 126 00:06:43,756 --> 00:06:45,994 -I'll be getting drunk up in the attic! -Fine! 127 00:06:45,994 --> 00:06:47,992 See how you like life on the bottom rung! 128 00:06:47,992 --> 00:06:50,749 I'll be a better man of the house than you ever were! 129 00:06:50,749 --> 00:06:53,347 If that were a real wish bowl, it would be in the Ferrari 130 00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:55,385 of a 600-year-old Incan on the way to his job 131 00:06:55,385 --> 00:06:57,183 as Jessica Alba's G-string. 132 00:07:03,496 --> 00:07:06,294 Stan? As long as you're still under house arrest, 133 00:07:06,294 --> 00:07:08,532 I might as well give you a conjugal visit. 134 00:07:11,928 --> 00:07:14,765 Mornin', friendly. 135 00:07:14,765 --> 00:07:18,641 Stan, how long are you and Roger gonna keep up this ridiculous swap? 136 00:07:18,641 --> 00:07:21,518 Until he appreciates how hard it is to be me! 137 00:07:21,518 --> 00:07:24,195 Trust me, by the end of the day, he'll be a nervous wreck. 138 00:07:24,195 --> 00:07:26,154 Ta-da! How do I look? 139 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:29,031 Employable? Or very employable? 140 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,429 -Is that my pantsuit? -Yeah. It's a little drab, 141 00:07:31,429 --> 00:07:33,746 but I shuzzed it up with a white belt. 142 00:07:33,746 --> 00:07:36,384 Dad, I really need your help with Carly Mills. 143 00:07:36,384 --> 00:07:39,980 -I burn for her. -Hey, I'm the man of the house now. I'll help ya. 144 00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:43,017 -What's she like? -Um, well, she's a cheerleader. 145 00:07:43,017 --> 00:07:45,775 Got it! Rah-rahs like hunky jocks, right? 146 00:07:45,775 --> 00:07:48,092 Just do some push-ups! She'll be all over ya, Tiger. 147 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:52,048 -Great idea, Roger! -Down low. Too slow. 148 00:07:55,365 --> 00:07:57,922 Poor kid. Never really had a father. 149 00:07:57,922 --> 00:08:00,919 Hey, Mom. When you go to the market, can you pick up some insect larva? 150 00:08:00,919 --> 00:08:04,116 -Write it down. -Hayley, I said no monkeys! 151 00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,795 And I said it was okay. 152 00:08:05,795 --> 00:08:07,912 I'm gonna build a habitat in the basement. 153 00:08:07,912 --> 00:08:10,549 Well, habitat slash theater workshop. 154 00:08:10,549 --> 00:08:12,147 In six weeks, we'll have 155 00:08:12,147 --> 00:08:14,666 the best all-monkey production of Cats you've ever seen. 156 00:08:27,852 --> 00:08:30,529 Welcome back to The $100,000 Pyramid. 157 00:08:30,529 --> 00:08:33,806 David Faustino, you're in the Winner's Circle. Go! 158 00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:36,843 Uh, okay. I was once America's sweetheart. 159 00:08:36,843 --> 00:08:39,761 Uh, I ruined my marriage for a quick fling. 160 00:08:39,761 --> 00:08:42,118 "Uh... Oh," Please, Tom Hanks, I'm begging you. 161 00:08:42,118 --> 00:08:44,635 -"Do another movie with me?" -Things Meg Ryan would say? 162 00:08:46,474 --> 00:08:49,510 This is what Roger does? He just sits here and watches this crap all day? 163 00:08:49,510 --> 00:08:52,907 -What am I missing? -An elevated blood alcohol content. 164 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,945 Things you eat. Things that are fruit. 165 00:08:54,945 --> 00:08:57,024 Oh! Oh! Oh! Things you peel! Aha! 166 00:08:57,024 --> 00:08:58,181 I'm halfway up the Pyramid. 167 00:08:58,181 --> 00:08:59,860 You're watching The Price Is Right. 168 00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:02,258 Shut up, Hayley. Oh, oh, oh. Things that wear pants. 169 00:09:05,014 --> 00:09:07,053 Thanks for the job, Mr. Fusfeld. 170 00:09:07,053 --> 00:09:09,131 You're gonna be a great car salesman, Roger. 171 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,049 Knock 'em dead. 172 00:09:11,049 --> 00:09:14,286 A bullpen! Oh, it's like a sitcom come true. 173 00:09:14,286 --> 00:09:16,484 I'm part of a workplace ensemble. 174 00:09:16,484 --> 00:09:18,201 I bet he's the sarcastic guy, 175 00:09:18,201 --> 00:09:19,680 and he's the dumb guy! 176 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:22,638 Oh, my God. He must be the black guy who doesn't talk! 177 00:09:22,638 --> 00:09:23,477 Hello. 178 00:09:24,556 --> 00:09:26,754 He is! Oh, oh, don't tell me. 179 00:09:26,754 --> 00:09:30,030 -You're the slut. I'm the new guy. -Hey, new guy. 180 00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:33,427 -I'm gonna crush you! -Ooh, you're my nemesis! 181 00:09:33,427 --> 00:09:35,345 You're my Newman. My Louie De Palma. 182 00:09:35,345 --> 00:09:38,341 My bitchy sister on that awful Jim Belushi abortion. 183 00:09:38,341 --> 00:09:41,579 Planning to foil me, are ya? Game on! 184 00:09:41,579 --> 00:09:44,615 Listen up, Corky. I'm winning that sales contest. 185 00:09:44,615 --> 00:09:46,853 Get in my way and I'll bury you. 186 00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:50,809 "Chuck" Berry you. That's right. In your mouth. 187 00:09:50,809 --> 00:09:53,966 Roger, right? I'm Philip. I see you've met Maria. 188 00:09:53,966 --> 00:09:56,244 Whoo! She is a total C-word. 189 00:09:56,244 --> 00:09:59,440 Hey, we're all guys here, I'll say it. Cuckoo-head. 190 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,517 -What was she talkin' about? -Whoever sells the most cars by Friday 191 00:10:02,517 --> 00:10:06,754 -wins a week in Hawaii. -Hawaii? That's where Japan goes to play golf! 192 00:10:06,754 --> 00:10:10,710 Don't get your hopes up. Maria always wins. And she's ruthless. 193 00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:13,707 -Be careful around her, pal. -What a nice guy. 194 00:10:13,707 --> 00:10:17,463 He's my sidekick. Larry to my Balki. Son to my Sanford. 195 00:10:17,463 --> 00:10:19,421 "Leave It" to "My Beaver." 196 00:10:19,421 --> 00:10:23,257 Okay, uh, uh, I like it when you place your documents face down. 197 00:10:23,257 --> 00:10:25,854 Uh, I'm most efficient with a dedicated phone line. 198 00:10:25,854 --> 00:10:28,052 Uh, uh, Error Type L6. 199 00:10:28,052 --> 00:10:30,490 -I give up. -Things a fax machine would say. 200 00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:33,367 -Come on! That was an easy one. -That was my whole day. 201 00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:35,444 Honey, I'm home! 202 00:10:35,444 --> 00:10:38,122 -How was your first day on the job? -Great! 203 00:10:38,122 --> 00:10:41,479 When I win my sales contest, I'm taking us all to Hawaii! 204 00:10:44,156 --> 00:10:46,433 Roger, I took your advice and did some push-ups. 205 00:10:46,433 --> 00:10:49,271 Check out my guns. Oh, my God, Steve. 206 00:10:49,271 --> 00:10:51,309 Okay, truth time. Are you on steroids? 207 00:10:51,309 --> 00:10:54,265 -'Cause that's how freaky big you look. -Oh, come on! 208 00:10:54,265 --> 00:10:57,542 Time for Phase Two. After dinner, we'll take some sexy pictures 209 00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:59,300 and you can slip 'em in Carly's locker. 210 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:01,019 Show her the new you. 211 00:11:01,019 --> 00:11:04,296 But, Roger, you promised to help me pick out sofa fabrics tonight. 212 00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:08,132 No prob. I can do it all. Unlike some people. 213 00:11:08,132 --> 00:11:11,888 I just have to feed Hayley's monkeys. 214 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:14,845 You guys, save the poop-flinging for the cast party. 215 00:11:19,001 --> 00:11:21,518 Things that are getting fat. 216 00:11:21,518 --> 00:11:24,914 Things that might be wrong, and Roger might be right. 217 00:11:24,914 --> 00:11:28,631 Things that should buck up! Things that will be proven right in the end. 218 00:11:28,631 --> 00:11:31,109 Oh, things that are just kidding themselves. 219 00:11:31,109 --> 00:11:34,186 Things that are useless. Things that are getting soft. 220 00:11:34,186 --> 00:11:36,105 Things that are stupid, dumb stupid-heads. 221 00:11:37,023 --> 00:11:39,261 Things that miss being needed. 222 00:11:39,261 --> 00:11:41,778 Things that need more wine to make the pain go away! 223 00:11:46,293 --> 00:11:48,811 Give a warm island aloha to Fusfeld Motors' 224 00:11:48,811 --> 00:11:51,329 top salesman, Roger Smith! 225 00:11:51,329 --> 00:11:55,365 Roger's joined by Hawaiian celebrities Magnum, PI, and Greg Brady! 226 00:11:57,003 --> 00:12:00,599 Roger, Roger, Roger, Roger... 227 00:12:00,599 --> 00:12:02,877 -Roger! Wake up, damn it! -Uh, huh? What? 228 00:12:02,877 --> 00:12:05,354 -You can't sell cars in your sleep, boy. -I'm sorry. 229 00:12:05,354 --> 00:12:07,552 I was up late last night, helping my family with... 230 00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:09,511 You haven't sold a single car yet! 231 00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:12,348 Get busy, or you're fired. 232 00:12:12,348 --> 00:12:15,784 I can't get fired. I promised my family that trip to Hawaii. 233 00:12:15,784 --> 00:12:17,982 Don't worry, pal. I'll help you win. 234 00:12:17,982 --> 00:12:19,660 Why would you go out of your way to help me? 235 00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:22,058 I'm sick of Maria winning all the time. 236 00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:24,736 If she loses that contest to me, it'll hurt her. 237 00:12:24,736 --> 00:12:28,331 But if she loses to you, that will destroy her. 238 00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:31,208 I've waited my whole life to do this. 239 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:34,326 The finger pyramid of evil contemplation. 240 00:12:36,962 --> 00:12:38,282 Feels good. 241 00:12:53,107 --> 00:12:56,064 -Mornin'. -Stan, you don't look so good. 242 00:12:56,064 --> 00:12:58,702 Oh, ow! Ow, Francine. Ow! 243 00:12:58,702 --> 00:13:00,659 Honey, please call off this swap. 244 00:13:00,659 --> 00:13:02,737 Hey, if Roger can take it, so can I. 245 00:13:02,737 --> 00:13:05,055 Did you get those Pecan Sandies I asked for? 246 00:13:05,055 --> 00:13:08,931 Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. 247 00:13:08,931 --> 00:13:12,168 Pretty sure I asked for Pecan Sandies. 248 00:13:12,168 --> 00:13:16,443 Try these Chocodiles. What's keeping Roger? 249 00:13:16,443 --> 00:13:19,440 -Hey, have you been up all night? -God, is it morning already? 250 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,878 I haven't even cracked my SUV manual. 251 00:13:21,878 --> 00:13:23,916 Wait! Wait, where's my SUV manual? 252 00:13:23,916 --> 00:13:26,394 I need to order the paint for the study today. 253 00:13:26,394 --> 00:13:29,351 Did you want to go with "Blue Morning," or "Golden Wood"? 254 00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:32,068 Little busy here! SUV, SUV, SUV. 255 00:13:32,068 --> 00:13:34,305 Aah, my manual! 256 00:13:36,664 --> 00:13:38,221 Hayley! 257 00:13:38,221 --> 00:13:40,340 I'm not the one who forgot to exercise the monkeys last night. 258 00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:43,217 -Have you been to the basement lately? -Some of us work for a living. 259 00:13:43,217 --> 00:13:45,974 They've been huffing paint thinner and having sex all night. 260 00:13:45,974 --> 00:13:48,012 It's like an 8th-grade house party down there. 261 00:13:48,012 --> 00:13:51,209 God, my animal rights group is gonna think I'm a total flake! 262 00:13:51,209 --> 00:13:53,087 Thanks for nothing. 263 00:13:53,087 --> 00:13:56,443 Roger, I know you're busy, but this'll just take a second. 264 00:13:56,443 --> 00:13:59,320 You suck, Roger! I gave these pictures you took to Carly, 265 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,357 and she posted them on HatefulTeens.com. 266 00:14:02,357 --> 00:14:05,754 Everyone's laughing at me! You know, Dad wasn't perfect, 267 00:14:05,754 --> 00:14:08,631 but at least he never ruined my life! 268 00:14:08,631 --> 00:14:10,549 -Roger, if you could just... -Not now! 269 00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,907 Yes, now. I already hired the painters. 270 00:14:12,907 --> 00:14:15,145 "Blue Morning," or "Golden Wood." 271 00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:18,063 Morning. Wood. Morning. Wood. Morning... 272 00:14:18,063 --> 00:14:19,780 Damn it, I don't care! 273 00:14:22,178 --> 00:14:23,377 Oh, my God! 274 00:14:24,855 --> 00:14:28,732 These Chocodiles, these Chocodiles, Francine, oh, my God. 275 00:14:28,732 --> 00:14:30,650 These Chocodiles, oh, my God. 276 00:14:40,559 --> 00:14:42,238 Oh! I'm so sorry! 277 00:14:42,238 --> 00:14:45,036 It was an accident. I-I'm just under so much pressure. 278 00:14:45,036 --> 00:14:47,872 This is all thanks to your stupid swap with Stan. 279 00:14:47,872 --> 00:14:50,589 Stan? Oh, God. Francine, he can't know about this. 280 00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:53,387 He'll kill me. Just tell him you walked into a door. 281 00:14:53,387 --> 00:14:56,064 He'll never buy that. God, I look awful. 282 00:14:56,064 --> 00:14:59,780 No! No, you look pretty. Here. I got you some special makeup. 283 00:14:59,780 --> 00:15:02,857 It's from the Estee Lauder "It Never Happened" collection. 284 00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:07,812 Hi, Francine! Francine, how's it goin'? 285 00:15:08,732 --> 00:15:09,811 Oh, screw it! 286 00:15:11,568 --> 00:15:12,927 Stan? 287 00:15:14,086 --> 00:15:16,804 Hey, Linda. Hey, when'd you get those? 288 00:15:16,804 --> 00:15:19,960 -Oh, hello, Linda. -My God! What happened to your eye? 289 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,438 Yeah, what did happen to your eye? 290 00:15:22,438 --> 00:15:25,874 -I, uh... -Please! 291 00:15:25,874 --> 00:15:30,349 -Walked into a door. -Ha! Gotta watch out for those doors, Francine. 292 00:15:30,349 --> 00:15:31,708 -They're gonna get ya. -Aah! 293 00:15:32,827 --> 00:15:34,906 Well, I just came to borrow some sugar, 294 00:15:34,906 --> 00:15:37,783 but I can see, Francine, that you need sugar, 295 00:15:37,783 --> 00:15:39,860 so I'll get some... sugar. 296 00:15:42,937 --> 00:15:45,214 -What was that about? -Who knows? She's a weird chick. 297 00:15:48,452 --> 00:15:53,326 That 52.3 cubic feet of cargo space crazy big handy. 298 00:15:53,326 --> 00:15:57,442 Most honorable wife, Ahi, and number one son, Yellowtail, "aglee." 299 00:15:57,442 --> 00:16:00,599 Okay. Super good time fun. Domo arigato. 300 00:16:00,599 --> 00:16:04,115 Another sale? Wow, Maria doesn't have a prayer. 301 00:16:04,115 --> 00:16:05,675 You're goin' to Hawaii, pal. 302 00:16:05,675 --> 00:16:07,513 I owe it all to you, Philip. 303 00:16:09,590 --> 00:16:11,389 File this contract for me, will ya? 304 00:16:11,389 --> 00:16:13,387 I'm gonna go "curry" their favor. 305 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:20,459 What do you bet this "domestic abuse" call turns out to be bogus? 306 00:16:20,459 --> 00:16:23,937 Well, the neighbor said this guy's already on house arrest for DUI. 307 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:27,253 Can I help you? 308 00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:30,889 -How'd you get that shiner, Mrs. S? -It's not what you think. 309 00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,847 She walked into a door. You know? 310 00:16:32,847 --> 00:16:35,644 Walk, walk, walk, walk... Bam! 311 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,557 Stan, can I talk to you? Excuse us! 312 00:16:43,957 --> 00:16:46,353 Look at these. No way this kid's 18. 313 00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,671 This guy's a real sicko. 314 00:16:48,671 --> 00:16:49,630 What the hell was that? 315 00:16:55,145 --> 00:16:57,622 Get 'em off me! Get 'em off! Off! 316 00:16:57,622 --> 00:17:00,499 Off! Ooh! No, no, no! Son of a... God! 317 00:17:04,016 --> 00:17:07,653 -Roger did what? -Stan, please! No more violence! 318 00:17:07,653 --> 00:17:11,008 -I'll kill him! -You can't leave! You're still under house arr... 319 00:17:11,008 --> 00:17:14,565 Oh, my eye! 320 00:17:14,565 --> 00:17:17,722 I deserved it, for leaving the mop out. 321 00:17:17,722 --> 00:17:19,600 Hold it right there, dirt bag! 322 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,878 Kiss my ass, pigs! 323 00:17:24,555 --> 00:17:27,592 Hi, uh, hope this isn't a bad time, but 324 00:17:27,592 --> 00:17:32,188 your trash cans have been out on the curb for a week, so, you know, whenever. 325 00:17:32,188 --> 00:17:33,506 Listen up, everyone. 326 00:17:33,506 --> 00:17:36,343 The contest is over. Time to announce the winner. 327 00:17:36,343 --> 00:17:38,622 Oh, my God. This is it. 328 00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:42,578 The trip to Hawaii goes to our number-one salesperson, Philip! 329 00:17:42,578 --> 00:17:44,575 -Philip? -What? 330 00:17:44,575 --> 00:17:47,452 He sold twice as many cars as anyone. 331 00:17:47,452 --> 00:17:49,211 But-But these are my sales. 332 00:17:49,211 --> 00:17:51,968 Well, they all have Philip's sales number on 'em. 333 00:17:51,968 --> 00:17:55,325 You didn't sell any. You're fired. 334 00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:58,602 I thought I was your pal. 335 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,595 What the hell are you doing here? 336 00:18:05,595 --> 00:18:07,393 I guess you're pretty mad at me. 337 00:18:07,393 --> 00:18:11,389 Mad? Why would I be mad? Just because I'm being held without bail 338 00:18:11,389 --> 00:18:15,625 for domestic abuse, animal cruelty, child pornography and attempted murder? 339 00:18:15,625 --> 00:18:18,261 -Attempted murder? -Aah! I'll kill you! 340 00:18:18,261 --> 00:18:21,179 You're dead! You're... 341 00:18:21,179 --> 00:18:24,216 -So, yes. I'm pretty mad. -I know this doesn't really matter now, 342 00:18:24,216 --> 00:18:26,053 but... you win. 343 00:18:26,053 --> 00:18:29,251 -Huh? -You're a better man of the house than I am. 344 00:18:29,251 --> 00:18:32,088 I don't know how you manage to do everything you do, 345 00:18:32,088 --> 00:18:34,286 but this family's lucky to have you. 346 00:18:34,286 --> 00:18:37,522 -And so am I. -Oh, I... 347 00:18:37,522 --> 00:18:39,800 -I-I don't know what to say. -Ah, you could say 348 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,998 you have a whole new appreciation for how tough it is to be me. 349 00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:45,514 There's something you should know about me by now, Roger. 350 00:18:45,514 --> 00:18:48,432 I don't learn lessons. Now, if I'm gonna get out of here, 351 00:18:48,432 --> 00:18:50,430 we need to start doing things my way. 352 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:53,067 The CIA way. We need a patsy. 353 00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:56,064 -A patsy? -Someone we can frame for everything. 354 00:18:56,064 --> 00:18:59,420 Someone vile. An evil person, who deserves to be punished. 355 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:00,379 Any ideas? 356 00:19:01,499 --> 00:19:04,575 Hmm... Got it! 357 00:19:04,575 --> 00:19:07,052 These people are insane! I'm innocent. 358 00:19:07,052 --> 00:19:09,770 That's the man who broke into my home and punched me. 359 00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:12,168 Right before he locked all those poor monkeys in our basement. 360 00:19:12,168 --> 00:19:14,606 And took pictures of my no-no parts. 361 00:19:14,606 --> 00:19:17,762 He made me call him "Uncle Bad Touch!" 362 00:19:17,762 --> 00:19:19,920 I've never seen them before in my life. 363 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,318 They're obviously lying, to protect the father. 364 00:19:22,318 --> 00:19:25,994 But why would they want to finger this guy? 365 00:19:25,994 --> 00:19:28,551 We searched his apartment. The place was clean. 366 00:19:28,551 --> 00:19:31,028 Except for this. He's got tons of Nazi stuff. 367 00:19:31,028 --> 00:19:33,346 Some kind of weird collector, I guess. 368 00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,705 Sir, can you explain this? 369 00:19:35,705 --> 00:19:39,381 Yeah, I'm a member of the Anti-Zionist Aryan Brotherhood. 370 00:19:39,381 --> 00:19:41,499 So what? This is America! 371 00:19:41,499 --> 00:19:42,897 He's right. That stuff is legal. 372 00:19:42,897 --> 00:19:45,495 So, what do you want to do, Lieutenant Goldberg? 373 00:19:45,495 --> 00:19:47,213 Don't go, Papa! 374 00:19:47,213 --> 00:19:49,731 Run, Nathan! Run as fast as you can, 375 00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:53,847 and go to America, become a police officer, and rise up through the ranks. 376 00:19:53,847 --> 00:19:57,363 Then, one day, you can use your power to avenge us all. 377 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,601 Papa! 378 00:19:59,601 --> 00:20:02,717 Schnell! Macht schnell! 379 00:20:02,717 --> 00:20:04,555 -Put him in my car. -But... 380 00:20:04,555 --> 00:20:06,793 -Do it! -Oh! What do you think this is? 381 00:20:06,793 --> 00:20:09,751 -Nazi Germany? -You are free to go. 382 00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:13,266 That would be awesome! 383 00:20:13,266 --> 00:20:16,263 Never thought I'd say this, but I missed having you in charge. 384 00:20:16,263 --> 00:20:17,943 Well, I never thought I'd say this, 385 00:20:17,943 --> 00:20:20,859 -but I love you guys! -Oh, Stan!