1 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:07,485 Oh, Hayley, you know what I drove by the other day? 2 00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:11,098 That old place we always used to go to when you were little, 3 00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,839 the ice cream shop with the kinda confusing name? 4 00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:15,450 - Hot Scoops? - Yeah. 5 00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:16,973 Whaddya you say we go after this, 6 00:00:16,973 --> 00:00:18,235 for old times' sake? 7 00:00:18,235 --> 00:00:20,498 Ah, wish I could, Big Mama [belches] 8 00:00:20,498 --> 00:00:23,197 but I gotta, uh... get to work. 9 00:00:23,197 --> 00:00:25,199 I thought Sub Hub was still closed 10 00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,462 because of that whole horse meat thing. 11 00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:30,378 You know, how they found out it was actually raccoon meat? 12 00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,249 That's right, huh? 13 00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:34,164 I meant, um, I have a... 14 00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:35,600 ah, let's see... 15 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,428 Groff Progressive Student Alliance meeting. 16 00:00:37,428 --> 00:00:40,649 On Cesar Chavez Day? 17 00:00:40,649 --> 00:00:42,607 Babe, it's the Scholastic Book Fair 18 00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:44,174 at the middle school today. 19 00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:46,524 Can I get an advance on my allowance? 20 00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:48,657 Okay, but no "Goosebumps." 21 00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:50,006 You'll be awake all night. 22 00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:52,443 [ Giggles ] 23 00:00:52,443 --> 00:00:55,055 Since when does Hayley have that kind of loot? 24 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:59,146 Hm, must be pickin' up a little extra scratch somehow. 25 00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,539 Some, uh, walkin' around money? 26 00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:03,846 Chuckle cheddar? Some funky frog-skins? 27 00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:06,588 Play-Doh, lil stash o' cushion cash. 28 00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:10,026 But where is Hayley picking up that kind of wallet candy? 29 00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:11,332 Must get it from me. 30 00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:13,160 The ability to make money, that is, 31 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,596 not the money itself. 32 00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:16,337 As you know, having come from poverty, 33 00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:18,948 I pride myself on my ability to provide this family 34 00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:20,167 a high standard of living. 35 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,298 Steve-o, heads up. 36 00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,518 Escargot, comin' in hot. 37 00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:25,041 [ Cellphone vibrating ] 38 00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:27,174 Hold up, gettin' a call from my financial planner. 39 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,697 [ Cellphone beeps ] Scotty Boombotty. 40 00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:31,003 Lemme get somewhere quiet so you can really scream 41 00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:33,180 those big-ass numbers at me. 42 00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,964 Double digit gains, you say? 43 00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:38,750 No. I said "devastating losses." What? 44 00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:42,885 I told you not to put everything you had into pornographic pogs. 45 00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:45,366 But the children of the '90s are all grown up. 46 00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:47,150 Naturally they'll now be looking for pogs 47 00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,891 with more adult-oriented content. 48 00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:51,198 I remember the words "sure thing" being said. 49 00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:54,026 By you. I begged you not to do it. 50 00:01:54,026 --> 00:01:55,419 Okay, give it to me straight. 51 00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:56,681 How much have I lost? 52 00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:57,813 Stan... 53 00:01:57,813 --> 00:01:59,380 you're gonna lose the house. 54 00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:01,904 No one must know. 55 00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:05,255 No one must know that anything is wrong. 56 00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:07,692 Porn pogs must've gone tits up. 57 00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:10,521 ♪ 58 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,529 I don't think he's coming down. 59 00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:22,054 [ Pager beeps ] Ah, shizballs, I gotta scoot. 60 00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:24,796 Here, can you stick this on Dad's back for me? 61 00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:26,885 For your trouble. 62 00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:29,758 [ Door opens, closes ] 63 00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,890 Since when does Hayley have a bleeper? 64 00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:34,110 Are you trying to say "beeper"? 65 00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:36,895 Where the hell is this guy? 66 00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:38,897 I got shit I gotta do. 67 00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:43,902 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 68 00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:47,819 [ Faucet shuts off ] No one must know. 69 00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:50,300 No one must know that I've bankrupted the family. 70 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:52,259 You've bankrupted the what now? 71 00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,086 Probably shoulda done this in the bathroom. 72 00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:55,958 You heard nothing. 73 00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:58,178 Looks like you're gonna have to find us 74 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,788 some money fast, Francine. 75 00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:02,269 One more thing to worry about. 76 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,879 What else is weighing on you? 77 00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,881 Those chimpanzees in the news, 78 00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,622 that've been stepping on landmines 79 00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:09,363 and losing their limbs? 80 00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:10,451 The chimp-u-tees? 81 00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,104 No, it's Hayley. 82 00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:14,324 Klaus, I think she might be... 83 00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:15,412 dealing. 84 00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:16,631 Pai Gow? 85 00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:17,545 Drugs. 86 00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:19,808 Cool. But no way. 87 00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:22,463 Hayley's a drug doer, not a drug dealer. 88 00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:24,813 Oh, yeah? What about the money, 89 00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:27,859 the secretiveness, the bleeper... 90 00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:30,601 Sometimes I feel like I don't know her at all. 91 00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,951 It's not like it was when she was little. 92 00:03:32,951 --> 00:03:36,128 We were two peas in a pod back then. 93 00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:37,826 Inseparable. 94 00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:41,482 And everywhere we went people just ate us right up, too. 95 00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:44,267 You've heard the term "daughter-mama-charm-a-rama"? 96 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:45,790 No, never. 97 00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:48,271 Well, we were a mega daughter-mama-charm-a-rama. 98 00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:49,446 Oh, well, that I've heard. 99 00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,448 But that was when she was a kid. 100 00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:54,756 Now, honestly, God knows what she could be up to. 101 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:56,323 Why would you put this in here? 102 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,673 - Whatcha doing? - Nothing. 103 00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:01,328 Say, what's in the duffel bag? 104 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:04,156 Nothing. Gotta go. 105 00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:06,637 You've been making that face a lot lately. 106 00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:09,205 - Mm. Like this. - Mm. 107 00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:10,685 This face. Mm. 108 00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:15,298 I've ruined us, Roger. 109 00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:18,170 All our money, our iconic house, gone. 110 00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:20,608 Oh, so you need to pick up a little extra scratch? 111 00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:21,826 Funky frog-skins? 112 00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,828 A little zip-a- dee-moo-lah? 113 00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,918 'Scuse me one sec. 114 00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:29,225 [ Gasps ] You. Don't move. 115 00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:31,836 Rugged despair, salt-and-pepper stubble, 116 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,142 Buzz Lightyear chin... 117 00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:34,883 Why are you wearing a garbage bag? 118 00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:37,015 I didn't bring a costume with me so I had to make do 119 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:39,191 with what I could find in the bathroom trash can. 120 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:43,065 Giardia Capitosto, Web Ad Stock Photo Talent Manager. 121 00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,893 The internet needs handsome, 122 00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:46,721 graying, worried faces like yours. 123 00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:51,116 Erectile dysfunction, reverse mortgages, 401k mismanagement... 124 00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:53,728 from now on, you could be the face of them all. 125 00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:55,904 - Is there money in that? - I think so? 126 00:04:55,904 --> 00:04:58,820 All I know is you've got it, kid, 127 00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,865 and I'm gonna put you in the pictures. 128 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:02,650 The little pictures at the bottom of the screen 129 00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:04,478 on Barstool Sports. 130 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:06,480 [ Brakes squeak ] 131 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:18,883 ♪ 132 00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:21,103 What the hell are you doing in that bush? 133 00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:25,063 If you must know, I am trying to sneak into 134 00:05:25,063 --> 00:05:27,762 my ex-boyfriend's apartment. 135 00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:28,850 Sheila? 136 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,374 Oh, great. 137 00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:36,640 - Aah! - The jib is up. 138 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,555 I know you've been pushing... 139 00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:42,342 ...arthritis medication? 140 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,344 It's true. These last few months 141 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,825 I've had a secret side hustle going as a... 142 00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,610 pharmaceutical representative. 143 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:53,265 So that's how you've been making all that extra money? 144 00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:55,920 Pushing pills for Big Pharma. 145 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,619 Mom, I am begging you to keep this secret. 146 00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,751 If anyone at the Groff Progressives found out... 147 00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:03,450 Oh, I'll keep it secret, alright. 148 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,930 Secret like a fox. 149 00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,410 - What does that-- - I want in. 150 00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,412 I want to push pills for Big Pharma, too. 151 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:16,854 Isn't this whole Pharma rep thing a little shady, though? 152 00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:19,727 Buttering up a bunch of pervy old doctors to-- 153 00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:22,556 Informing a bunch of pervy old doctors, 154 00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:24,035 about a miracle arthritis drug 155 00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:26,298 that really will help so many people. 156 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:28,779 Hey, if I ever found out Bendjuvanex wasn't all 157 00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:30,999 it's cracked up to be, I would quit like that. 158 00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,914 But this drug is the real deal. 159 00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:35,699 Derived from armadillo mucin humanely harvested 160 00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:38,093 from the best-treated armadillos in the world. 161 00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,703 Plus, it's been a great way 162 00:06:39,703 --> 00:06:42,010 to make a little extra scratch, ya know? 163 00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:44,099 That light-green good-good. 164 00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:48,669 Our scientists start with the best part 165 00:06:48,669 --> 00:06:50,453 of the armadillo, the mucin. 166 00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:53,282 And through a proprietary extraction technology 167 00:06:53,282 --> 00:06:56,633 yield an efficacy rate of 42% over placebo... [ Sighs ] 168 00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,895 ...with a Bayesian credible interval 169 00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:01,377 of .52 to 1.39. 170 00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:04,424 Alleviation of arthritic immobility reaches 171 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,251 39% and 47%... - [ Sighs ] 172 00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:07,775 over leading generic therapies 173 00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:09,298 at initial dosages... - [ Sighs ] 174 00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:12,606 ...of 200 and 400 milligrams respectively. 175 00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:15,391 Other compelling numbers include 27, 176 00:07:15,391 --> 00:07:18,002 7,000, 70,000... 177 00:07:18,002 --> 00:07:19,656 [ Sighs ] 178 00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:21,397 Okay, thanks so much, 179 00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:23,268 but I think I'll just stick with generics. 180 00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:24,835 Have a blessed day. 181 00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,794 Another bust. 182 00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:30,101 The commissions came so easy at first, but lately... 183 00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:31,973 Maybe it's time to just hang it up. 184 00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:35,150 Or maybe we just need to jazz up our pitch a little-- 185 00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:37,979 Mom, I've been doing this a while now, okay? 186 00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:40,547 This is how we do it. 187 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,331 [ Laughter ] 188 00:07:44,028 --> 00:07:46,422 Alright, sugar dumpling, 189 00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,642 now, y'all don't forget your chip clips 190 00:07:48,642 --> 00:07:51,166 and your pen- flashlight-thumbdrive. 191 00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:52,646 Oh, sweet. 192 00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:55,431 And I'll be in touch with those Shark tickets, too. 193 00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:59,000 Do you come with the tickets? [ Laughs ] 194 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,002 Listen, y'all keep those prescriptions 195 00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:04,222 a-scribble-dibble-doodlin', and I just might. 196 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:05,572 Kidding not kidding. 197 00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,182 Oh, I will. 198 00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:08,618 Also kidding. 199 00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:10,968 I'm not kidding. 200 00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,496 There he is. 201 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,020 My worried web ad Adonis. 202 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:21,457 So rugged. So handsome. 203 00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:22,850 So haunted. 204 00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:24,329 Brian, your KFC Famous Bowl is here. 205 00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:26,984 - Don't move a muscle. - Bubbeleh, amazing news. 206 00:08:26,984 --> 00:08:29,509 We already have another 10 gigs lined up. 207 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,685 Your money troubles are finito. 208 00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:33,948 Ah. Oh, my God, thank you, Roger. 209 00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:35,515 Giardia Something-Something. 210 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,125 This is such a relief. 211 00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:39,388 Now, you've just taken out a reverse mortgage, 212 00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,999 and you're rocked to your very core 213 00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:45,350 contemplating the unforeseen risks. 214 00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,528 No, no, no, no, no, no. 215 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:52,270 What the-- You, trash woman, over here. 216 00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:53,707 - What's up? - What happened? 217 00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:54,882 He's lost the look. - The what? 218 00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:56,884 The look. Look. 219 00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:58,842 Just look at him. 220 00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,017 Oh, yeah. 221 00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:01,584 God, he sucks. 222 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:02,977 Where's the concern? 223 00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:05,675 The stunned, grave, soul-piercing worry? 224 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,503 It's not there. He's [bleep] it up. 225 00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:10,071 I got this. - What's up. Everything good? 226 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,247 Hmm, you know, on the set of "The Exorcist," 227 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:14,510 Billy Friedkin once slapped an actor 228 00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:17,078 to get the stunned, haunted look he needed. 229 00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:19,080 Well, that's a really interesting bit of movie trivia. 230 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,038 Thanks for-- - There it is. Go, go, go. 231 00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,562 [ Camera shutter clicking ] 232 00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:25,608 - Hayley, listen! - Aah! 233 00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:29,786 Sorry. Look, I know you wanna stick to facts and figures, 234 00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:31,701 but if we're gonna keep this gig goin' 235 00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:35,749 and the money a-flowin', we have to change things up. 236 00:09:35,749 --> 00:09:37,925 Okay, well, just how, exactly? 237 00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:40,667 By focusing on the four S's-- 238 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:44,453 sex, sass, and swag. 239 00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:46,760 That's three. 240 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:47,891 What's the fourth "S"? 241 00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,284 It's "us." 242 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,416 The "S" is at the end of that one. 243 00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:53,593 Us. You and me. 244 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,465 The daughter-mama- charm-a-rama. 245 00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:58,598 Trust me. 246 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,905 This is how we do it. 247 00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:03,864 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 248 00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:06,518 ♪ Sha, la, la, la, la, la, lo ♪ 249 00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,303 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 250 00:10:08,303 --> 00:10:11,785 ♪ Sha, la, la, la, la, la, lo ♪ 251 00:10:11,785 --> 00:10:13,787 Okay, I'll do anything you want. 252 00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:15,136 Just give it to me. 253 00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:17,660 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 254 00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:20,358 ♪ I'll never come wack on an old-school track ♪ 255 00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:22,317 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 256 00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:24,928 ♪ I'm kinda buzzed, it's all because ♪ 257 00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:26,451 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 258 00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:29,193 ♪ South Central does it like nobody does ♪ 259 00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,326 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 260 00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:34,808 ♪ Oh, it's party time ♪ 261 00:10:34,808 --> 00:10:36,636 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 262 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,899 ♪ Straight up comin' from the West Side ♪ 263 00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:41,336 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 264 00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:43,643 ♪ OG's got the flavor, yeah ♪ 265 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,383 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 266 00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:49,039 Hmm, the broad's got the right look, 267 00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:50,345 but your boy... 268 00:10:50,345 --> 00:10:51,825 On it. 269 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:54,001 And this is how we do it. 270 00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:56,090 - Who are you talking to? - Anyone who'll listen. 271 00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:57,613 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 272 00:10:57,613 --> 00:11:00,834 ♪ South Central does it like nobody does ♪ 273 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:02,444 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 274 00:11:02,444 --> 00:11:05,360 ♪ To all my neighbors you got much flavor ♪ 275 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,144 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 276 00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:10,104 ♪ I'll never come wack on an old-school track ♪ 277 00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,627 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 278 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:14,064 ♪ I'm kinda buzzed, it's all because ♪ 279 00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:15,587 ♪ This is how we... ♪ 280 00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:17,372 Have we made enough money to save the house yet? 281 00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:18,678 - Not quite, love. - [ Groans ] 282 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,157 But never fear. 283 00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,551 Because you're moving up to the big leagues-- 284 00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:27,295 a live-action TV commercial for, wait for it, Bendjuvanex. 285 00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:30,428 One last big slap, and your money troubles are finito. 286 00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:33,605 Whaddya say we go to BJ's and celebrate with a Pizookie? 287 00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:35,042 One more big slap, 288 00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:37,479 and your troubles could be just beginning. 289 00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:39,133 Oh, right, I forgot we were here. 290 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,309 All those slaps have left your face as fragile 291 00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:45,705 as a gossamer veil of ice atop a springtime lagoon. 292 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,402 My God, that's... 293 00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:49,360 a beautiful description. 294 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,754 The point is, even one more slap 295 00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:53,843 to Stan's bullshit face bones 296 00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:55,062 and he risks... 297 00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:57,891 a full facial cave-in. 298 00:11:57,891 --> 00:12:00,110 [ Both gulp ] 299 00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:02,460 I still wanna get a Pizookie. 300 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:09,598 I give you our new top regional reps, 301 00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,731 Hayley and Francine Smith, 302 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,517 who will be receiving a hefty bonus and the honor 303 00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:20,087 of driving the Bendjuvanex Pillmobile. 304 00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:21,871 [ Engine revs ] 305 00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:24,047 [ All coughing ] 306 00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,267 I couldn'a done it without ya. 307 00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:28,486 So here's to you, Big Mama. 308 00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:31,620 Nah, nah, nah, Little Mama. To us. 309 00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:34,101 I couldn't've done it without you either. 310 00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:36,233 No us? No magic. 311 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:37,800 And no magic... 312 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,541 no mona-a-a-y. 313 00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:44,502 Aight, I gotta use the little reps' room. 314 00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,287 [ Hands clapping ] 315 00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:52,946 Congra-a-a-a-tulations to the big hero. 316 00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,121 You wanna go, brah? 317 00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:55,513 What's your problem, chief? 318 00:12:55,513 --> 00:12:58,603 Our problem is Bendjuvanex. 319 00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:01,868 I was the lead scientist who developed it. 320 00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:04,740 And this miracle drug that I made, 321 00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,307 and that you're selling... 322 00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:08,875 isn't all it's cracked up to be. 323 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,137 Oh, no. 324 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:11,225 Does it not work? 325 00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:12,966 What? It works great. 326 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,489 I take it myself. 327 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:19,363 In fact, it works too great. 328 00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:22,105 The clinical trials all went so well at first. 329 00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:25,369 The subjects' arthritis improved rapidly. 330 00:13:25,369 --> 00:13:29,547 But soon, after ingesting all that damn mucin, 331 00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:33,160 they must've built up so many armadillo pheromones that... 332 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,378 they began to attract... 333 00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:36,032 - [ Snarling ] - [ Screaming ] 334 00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:37,164 ...predators. 335 00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,340 First came the coyotes. 336 00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:41,211 Our headquarters was right next to a desert. 337 00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,431 Then the bears, owls, 338 00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:47,043 red-tailed hawks, a few Komodo dragons. 339 00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:49,698 94% of the non-control group 340 00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:53,267 was killed by armadillo predators. 341 00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:55,138 Well, that was in a lab setting. 342 00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:57,184 We don't know it'll translate to-- 343 00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:58,402 Yes, we do! 344 00:13:58,402 --> 00:14:00,883 And we covered it up! 345 00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:06,367 God knows what we're unleashing on the world! 346 00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,369 Shame on all of us! 347 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:12,503 I didn't get to finish my negroni! 348 00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:13,591 Hey. 349 00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:15,593 Did I miss anything? 350 00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:18,858 Nope. In fact, you're getting half a negroni. 351 00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:24,037 Make sure you got the Bendjuvanex barbecue set. 352 00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:27,040 The doc we're seeing here is a total swag hag. 353 00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:30,217 [ Siren wails ] 354 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,088 Hey, you can't park that there! 355 00:14:32,088 --> 00:14:35,396 It's okay! We're top regional reps! 356 00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:37,528 His office is just through the E.R. 357 00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:39,661 [ Patients groaning, monitors beeping ] 358 00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,884 Another coyote bite here. 359 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:48,322 Komodo dragon just tore through the Ruby Tuesday's on Sixth. 360 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:50,237 Incoming! - Coyotes? 361 00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:52,935 Komodo-- What the hell is going on? 362 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,763 I have no idea. 363 00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:57,113 Oh, don't you? 364 00:14:57,113 --> 00:15:00,116 This is exactly what I warned you would happen. 365 00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:02,075 Mom, what's this guy talking about? 366 00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:04,816 I'm talking about Bendjuvanex. 367 00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:06,862 They knew this would happen. 368 00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:09,343 They knew and they covered it up. 369 00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,084 And so did she. 370 00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:13,434 - Wha-- I-- - Bear! 371 00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,697 [ Gun cocks ] [ Growls ] 372 00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:17,829 Oh, God, what have we done? 373 00:15:17,829 --> 00:15:19,570 So this is true? 374 00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,442 And you... knew? 375 00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,661 I...didn't know for sure that-- 376 00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:25,620 And you let me go out there with you, 377 00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,970 pushing this death drug onto people? 378 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:31,104 - I just-- I needed-- - You needed what? 379 00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:32,757 A little extra scratch? 380 00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:33,976 How could you? 381 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,936 I-- I never want to speak to you again. 382 00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:39,808 Tom Bagetti: Can you do me a solid? 383 00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:43,159 Check out my toe tag. Tell me what it says? 384 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:45,161 Please, please, please, please, please, please, please. 385 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:47,294 -"Goner." - [ Groans ] 386 00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:49,818 Are you sure you want me to slap you, Stan? 387 00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:52,255 If you care to remember, your face might cave in. 388 00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:53,778 I'm afraid we have no choice. 389 00:15:53,778 --> 00:15:55,476 It's a risk I'll just have to take. 390 00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:58,348 I needs dem clams. 391 00:15:58,348 --> 00:16:03,179 Whoa. Now, that's what I call grave, soul-piercing worry. 392 00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:04,615 Stan. Lock that in. 393 00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:06,400 You got back the look. It's a miracle. 394 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,924 What the-- What-- What the hell is this? 395 00:16:08,924 --> 00:16:10,926 Weren't you just a photographer a few weeks ago? 396 00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:13,581 Yeah, my career has advanced, too. 397 00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:14,843 I'm a director now. 398 00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,976 But this is an "after" commercial. 399 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,327 After the drug has given him a new lease on life. 400 00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:22,938 I need ease, contentment, joy. 401 00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:24,505 Quick, Stan, smile. 402 00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:26,333 [ Groans ] I-- 403 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:27,856 I can't. I'm locked in here. 404 00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:29,379 Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. 405 00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:30,728 Roger, slap me. 406 00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,513 If you could slap worry onto my face, 407 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,167 just maybe you can slap it-- 408 00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:35,820 [ Grunting ] 409 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:42,088 ♪ Bendjuvanex ♪ 410 00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:45,656 Narrator: Look forward again to the free time, 411 00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:49,225 the quality time, 412 00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,575 the good times. 413 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,187 Bendjuvanex. 414 00:16:54,187 --> 00:16:56,189 Look forward again... 415 00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:58,713 to what's around the bend. 416 00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:02,804 ♪ Bend, bend, Bendjuvanex ♪ 417 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:04,675 Narrator: Side effects, while rare, may include hypoxia, 418 00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:06,721 hypothermia, heart palpitations, hyperhydrosis, 419 00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:09,245 hydrohyposis, encephalitis, elephantitis, and weeping anus. 420 00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:10,725 If you experience weeping anus that lasts longer 421 00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,335 than 24 hours, that's a bad sign. 422 00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:14,424 If while taking the drug you see any coyotes, bears, 423 00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:16,905 owls, Komodo dragons or various desert raptors lurking nearby, 424 00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:19,212 don't worry about it. It's probably just your imagination. 425 00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:20,909 ♪ Bendjuvan-- ♪ 426 00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:24,086 They're still covering it all up and selling the damn stuff. 427 00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:25,566 Sorry, what? 428 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:26,915 No one's been keeping me in the loop on this one. 429 00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:29,091 You were, dealing Pai Gow or something? 430 00:17:29,091 --> 00:17:30,310 [ Doorbell rings ] 431 00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:34,357 - This a religious thing? - No. 432 00:17:34,357 --> 00:17:37,317 I'm here on behalf of Bobo's Promise, 433 00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:39,536 the chimp-u-tee char-i-tee? 434 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:41,495 Are you Francine Smith? 435 00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,366 [Bleep] no. [ Spits ] 436 00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:46,804 Oh, well, we're here to thank her 437 00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:48,850 for the generous weekly donations 438 00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:50,112 of $10,000 439 00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:51,983 she's been making for the past two months. 440 00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:54,203 Wait, that would've been her entire share 441 00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:57,380 of everything we made, from the very start... 442 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,903 "Made." 443 00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:01,950 So that means there's no more money? 444 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:05,084 Ah, crap, I'm selling this thing for scrap metal, then. 445 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,087 See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya, Bobo. 446 00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:12,047 [ Whimpers ] 447 00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:14,093 [ Inhales sharply ] 448 00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:18,706 [ Sighs ] 449 00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:20,186 Hayley: So you didn't do it for the money? 450 00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:21,317 No. 451 00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:23,319 I knew your dad was taking care of that. 452 00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:26,366 I mean, his face is all over the dang internet. 453 00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:29,586 The money... was always just an excuse. 454 00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:32,154 - For what? - To hang out with you. 455 00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,504 Like we did when you were little. 456 00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:38,029 That's why I didn't tell you when I found out about the drug. 457 00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:40,815 I just didn't want it to end. 458 00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:42,643 I'm sorry, kiddo. 459 00:18:43,992 --> 00:18:45,646 Now, come on. Let's go [bleep] 460 00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:48,083 that [bleep] pharmaceutical company's shit 461 00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,216 right up in the [bleep] face. 462 00:18:53,828 --> 00:18:56,352 Alright, we go in through the vents, 463 00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:57,875 make our way to the C-suite, 464 00:18:57,875 --> 00:19:00,443 download the secret animal attack data, 465 00:19:00,443 --> 00:19:02,184 and get it to the press. 466 00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:03,881 Why'd you bring the t-shirt cannon? 467 00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:05,448 Case we run into any trouble. 468 00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:18,244 ♪ 469 00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:19,767 Got it. 470 00:19:20,942 --> 00:19:22,726 [ Light switch clicks ] 471 00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:25,251 Hand it over, ladies. 472 00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:31,082 Quick, Hayley. 473 00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:32,649 Charm him. 474 00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:36,784 [ Chuckles ] You think you can tug 475 00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:38,525 at my heartstrings? 476 00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:40,918 I'm a pharmaceutical executive. 477 00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:42,920 I don't have any. 478 00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:46,881 Run! 479 00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:49,492 ♪ 480 00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:57,892 ♪ 481 00:20:04,115 --> 00:20:05,856 - Gotcha. - [ Gasps ] 482 00:20:05,856 --> 00:20:07,249 Hey. Skinko. 483 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:10,383 Time to take your medicine. 484 00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:13,777 [ Coughs ] Oh, no. 485 00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:15,823 [ Squawking ] 486 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,479 Security Guard: Mr. Skinko, coyotes have 487 00:20:19,479 --> 00:20:21,829 breached the perimeter and are in the vents. 488 00:20:21,829 --> 00:20:23,831 [ Coyotes growling ] 489 00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:26,050 [ Elevator bell dings, bear growls ] 490 00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:29,140 Armadillo tuck. 491 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:31,230 [ Bear roars ] 492 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,189 You know, we should do this more often. 493 00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:37,192 Hang out, that is, not, you know, this. 494 00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:39,325 [ Grunting ] 495 00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:44,591 [ Screaming ] 496 00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:49,160 Now, that's what I call a little extra scratch. 497 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,336 [ Screaming continues ] 498 00:20:50,336 --> 00:20:51,511 Let's get outta here. 499 00:20:51,511 --> 00:20:53,513 This is actually pretty gruesome. 500 00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:58,344 Bye. Have a great time.