1 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,527 Stan: Credit where credit's due. 2 00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:07,920 This is the greatest game of hide and seek 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,488 you've ever played, Roger. 4 00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,142 "To: Francine"? 5 00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:15,580 "Can I see your boobies in fourth period? 6 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,147 Circle Y or N?" 7 00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:19,845 She circled N, but I can see where she circled Y 8 00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:20,933 and erased it! 9 00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:25,329 These are all old love notes. Why is Francine saving these? 10 00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:26,635 Aha! 11 00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:29,072 Hiding in plain sight as one of your personas. 12 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:31,422 I got you, Roger! Ow! 13 00:00:31,422 --> 00:00:32,945 Focus, Stan. 14 00:00:32,945 --> 00:00:35,252 You know the difference between Roger and a real spider. 15 00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:36,340 [ Squeaking ] 16 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,689 Roger?! 17 00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:38,690 [ Squeaking ] 18 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:41,519 ♪ 19 00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:44,174 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 20 00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:47,656 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 21 00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:50,572 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 22 00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:54,619 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 23 00:00:57,013 --> 00:01:00,321 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 24 00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:02,888 ♪ Good-- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 25 00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:04,107 Aah! 26 00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:08,720 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 27 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,114 ♪ 28 00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:14,117 ♪ It's the shaving song, we're in the leg zone ♪ 29 00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:17,077 ♪ Where the tibia meets the talus bone ♪ 30 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,080 ♪ No need for cream, that stuff's for chumps ♪ 31 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,430 ♪ Press the blade down hard and-- ♪ 32 00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:24,736 Shaving your gams for Corey D? 33 00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:25,868 Who's Corey D? 34 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,043 From third grade. 35 00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:29,785 He thinks "you're berry cool." 36 00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,569 You went through my stuff? 37 00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:32,701 I was looking for Roger. 38 00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:34,094 You haven't found him yet? 39 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,486 He's in the--Don't tell me where he is! 40 00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:37,575 What I did find is this shoebox 41 00:01:37,575 --> 00:01:39,925 filled with love letters to my wife! 42 00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,405 Are you threatened by these? 43 00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:44,887 They're just momentos I save so our grandkids'll know 44 00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:46,628 Mee-Maw was a smoke-show. 45 00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:49,979 There is a world where I could be overreacting. 46 00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:52,112 Promise me you'll put those letters back 47 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,244 and stop worrying about them. 48 00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:57,117 Of course, my love. This is the end of it. 49 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,380 Your mother and I are getting a divorce. 50 00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:00,772 All: What?! Unless... 51 00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:03,862 we determine none of these old paramours are threats. 52 00:02:03,862 --> 00:02:07,039 Your mother's been saving old love letters behind my back. 53 00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:09,172 I've assembled this command center at We Work 54 00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:11,435 as a last-ditch effort to save our marriage. 55 00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:14,525 Maybe she just likes to look back at memories. 56 00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:15,700 That's what she told me, 57 00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,789 but until we comb through every word, 58 00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:19,182 I have to assume the worst. 59 00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,271 I already have the divorce papers written up. 60 00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:23,621 I'm gonna pin them here to motivate you. 61 00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:25,057 We're on it, Dad! 62 00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:27,147 If we suss out that any of these losers are still 63 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:30,150 after our mom, they're freaking dead! 64 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,717 Yeah. Sorry, "Tony," but my mom 65 00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:34,632 doesn't care that you think her hair is 66 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,417 "shinier than the sun." 67 00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,201 You better back the freak off! 68 00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:40,160 Yeah! And listen to this clown. 69 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,163 "Francine, let me swim around in your mouth--" 70 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,166 Oh, this is from me when I was obsessed with her. 71 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,385 And I can freaking shove off already! 72 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:49,299 [ Sniffles ] 73 00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:51,083 - What is it, Jeff? - It's... 74 00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,824 It's over, Mr. S! 75 00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:57,089 This man writes beautiful poetry to Mrs. S. 76 00:02:57,089 --> 00:03:01,398 These words make my heart freaking pitter-patter! 77 00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:05,837 "Francine, your skin as soft as oleander petals..." 78 00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:06,838 "...weeping willows..." 79 00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:08,100 [ Gasps ] 80 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:10,320 "...gentle breeze upon the Nile." 81 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,540 Oh! It's so good. 82 00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,106 And, look, there's more of them! 83 00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:16,196 This guy's been writing these for years! 84 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,676 Who wrote this gorgeous crap? 85 00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:20,504 It's anonymous. 86 00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:25,074 C.I.A.? It's one of my coworkers? 87 00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,511 You know what you have to do, Dad. 88 00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:31,994 I have to go to the C.I.A. 89 00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:34,214 and find out who's best at poems, right? 90 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,086 And then rip out their freaking throat! 91 00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:41,656 The drug lord Eisenrich has been-- 92 00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:45,573 Dr. Weitzman, why are you sleeping in our conference room? 93 00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,749 I got dumped, and my girlfriend 94 00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,272 got my apartment in the breakup. 95 00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:51,753 I should have known that contract she gave me 96 00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:54,277 on our first date wasn't just for "funsies"! 97 00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:56,584 Don't get me started on funsies contracts. 98 00:03:56,584 --> 00:04:00,762 That's how I got saddled with my ex's alligator farm in Orlando. 99 00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:04,896 Ohh, I should go work on my lab stuff. 100 00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,246 As I was saying, 101 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,639 we finally located the drug lord, Eisenrich. 102 00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:10,293 He's in the jungles of Brazil. 103 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,513 Shoot. I was hoping Orlando. 104 00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:15,907 Sir, sounds like you'll need an agent with poetic prowess. 105 00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,605 Allow me to test the agents. 106 00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,259 I don't see how poetry can-- 107 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,696 Dick, perform a haiku about Brazil. 108 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:24,089 Brazil is a nut. 109 00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:26,918 I have two Brazils in my pants. 110 00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:30,357 Terrible. Jackson, describe this painting. 111 00:04:30,357 --> 00:04:31,575 Orlando! 112 00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:33,098 Let's try something different. 113 00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:35,710 Would you describe my wife's breasts as, 114 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,929 A, large; B, medium; 115 00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:42,543 or, C, a tonic which could heal all that ails the human spirit? 116 00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:45,589 I'm gonna say D, cool! 117 00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:46,938 How about I print these 118 00:04:46,938 --> 00:04:48,375 and let you all fill them out individually? 119 00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,681 The main office printer is busted. 120 00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:51,726 You can use mine. 121 00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:52,944 I've got a poem! 122 00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:55,947 Orlando is great, Orlando is fair. 123 00:04:55,947 --> 00:05:00,038 Will you buy one of my "alligaytares"? 124 00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,915 [ Gasps ] The logo! 125 00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,220 It's Bullock! 126 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:10,832 I can't murder my boss. He could fire me! 127 00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:13,269 Wait, wait! The poems are anonymous. 128 00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:14,966 Mom doesn't know they're from Bullock, 129 00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:17,012 so he can't be a threat, right? 130 00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,753 Of course he's a threat! 131 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,059 Those poems are insanely romantic, 132 00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:25,368 and Francine is keeping them, which means she's into it. 133 00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:28,893 One second alone with Bullock, he mentions Robert Frost, 134 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,373 and the "road not taken" 135 00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:33,333 definitely won't be her "bajima." 136 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,639 Maybe you could try to be more romantic 137 00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,337 like the poems, Mr. S. 138 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,381 Let me try. 139 00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:42,559 Ahem. Francine, your hair is like... 140 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:43,691 the noodles. 141 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,823 - A failure! - We're done! 142 00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,608 Divorce! Which noodles?! 143 00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:50,175 The only way to settle this is to put Bullock and Francine 144 00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:52,221 in a situation where they are alone, 145 00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:55,137 and we see if Francine goes for it. 146 00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,660 How do we get them alone? 147 00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,183 - A car accident. - Yes! 148 00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,360 Tons of romances start when a hunky dude 149 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,362 accidentally bumps into a sexy lady. 150 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,015 There's a motel on the side of the highway 151 00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:05,669 that's super romantic. 152 00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:08,150 We can cause - the accident there. - Perfect. 153 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:11,588 I need to see them a mustache hair's away from boning. 154 00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:13,373 Yeah, we all do! 155 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,854 ♪ 156 00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,203 Everyone in position? 157 00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,945 Yep, we bribed the front-desk workers $40 158 00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:22,120 to let us have an empty room. 159 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,470 The rooms cost 40 a night, 160 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,385 so pretty sure you just rented a room. 161 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,344 There, I just lit over 200 candles. 162 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,390 Had to raid the Halloween decorations for 'em though, 163 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,392 so they're all little smiling pumpkins. 164 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:36,047 But it's still sexy as hell in there! 165 00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:38,833 I told Bullock there was a dope owl he had to see, 166 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,835 and I told Francine the same thing. 167 00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:42,097 They should be here soon. 168 00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:44,839 Now for a little flat tire. 169 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,710 ♪ This is the shaving song 170 00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:48,451 ♪ We're in the leg zone 171 00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:51,889 Shit, shit! 172 00:06:52,977 --> 00:06:55,197 [ Screaming ] 173 00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,765 ♪ No need for cream ♪ 174 00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,244 ♪ That stuff's for chumps ♪ 175 00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:01,029 ♪ Press the blade down hard and...♪ 176 00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:04,554 Aaaaah! 177 00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:07,427 [ Car crashes ] 178 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,602 Plan B. 179 00:07:12,954 --> 00:07:14,303 Rose petals?! 180 00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:17,132 No way my insurance covers this place. 181 00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:20,352 Are you trying to get me and Bullock to hook up? 182 00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:23,268 I was seeing if you would hook up if given the chance. 183 00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:25,532 He's the one who writes you those poems. 184 00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:26,750 Bullock? 185 00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:29,100 You're the author of those amazing poems? 186 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:32,495 Oh, those transcendent poems aren't from me. 187 00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:33,975 They're from you. 188 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:38,501 I'll explain, but can I please see this dope owl first? 189 00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:39,589 Oh yeah, sure. 190 00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:40,982 [ Hooting ] 191 00:07:41,852 --> 00:07:43,463 - Wow! - It is dope. 192 00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:47,118 ♪ 193 00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:48,903 So this is me? 194 00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:52,428 Sort of. There's a part of you in it. 195 00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:55,779 You see, when an agent joins the C.I.A., 196 00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:58,086 we do a lot of effed-up things 197 00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:01,524 to ensure you are successful killing machines. 198 00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:04,484 One of those is the irreversible operation 199 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,138 of removing the romantic lobe. 200 00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:10,577 How does romance get in the way of C.I.A. missions? 201 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:14,581 Romance always gets in the way. 202 00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:17,409 [ Printer whirs ] 203 00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:19,107 "Goddess Francine, 204 00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:22,327 I must have done something beautiful in a past life 205 00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:24,199 to be blessed with your presence!" 206 00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:26,070 Goddess? 207 00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:27,202 Okay! 208 00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:28,551 This is from me! 209 00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:30,814 It made Francine blush, and it's from me! 210 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:32,599 Exactamundo. 211 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:36,907 And this espresso machine has Dick's romantic lobe. 212 00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:40,171 Espresso truly made with love. 213 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:42,130 The mini fridge is Jackson. 214 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,175 Because he has a cold heart! 215 00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:47,831 You keep them all in your office appliances? 216 00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:51,487 Yes. The lobes act as a power source. 217 00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:55,012 No need for charging, batteries, or unseemly plugs. 218 00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:56,318 Oh, sick. 219 00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:59,234 Even sicker, the printer adores you. 220 00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:00,801 When it began printing poems, 221 00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:04,282 I couldn't bear the thought of them not being read, 222 00:09:04,282 --> 00:09:06,371 which is why I mailed them. 223 00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:07,808 I'm taking this. Why? 224 00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:10,854 Because with the printer, we are a perfect couple. 225 00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:13,030 I have my romantic side back! 226 00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,554 That's crazy. 227 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,252 We aren't bringing a printer into our relationship. 228 00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,688 [ Whirring ] 229 00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:22,170 "Francine, allow me to take us to dinner." 230 00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,737 A spontaneous date? 231 00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:25,695 I guess that is kind of romantic. 232 00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,132 See! Let's give it a spin, baby. 233 00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:32,049 [ Man crying ] 234 00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:35,444 Dr. Weitzman, are you still crying down there? 235 00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:36,880 Yeah, sorry. 236 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:41,581 Your heart is broken, and my printer was just stolen. 237 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,409 Grab your ATM card and your tightest pants. 238 00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,890 We're going on a three-day bender! 239 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,719 All my pants are the tightest. 240 00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:52,896 ♪ La-la la-la 241 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:56,987 "Ode to Francine on the gondola of love. 242 00:09:56,987 --> 00:10:00,251 Though I cannot move myself, you move me the way 243 00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:02,384 the water moves beneath us." 244 00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:04,734 Oh, I can't finish it. 245 00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:08,564 Stan, this is beautiful. 246 00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:10,784 It says it's for the gondolier. 247 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:13,264 Uh, these are-a song lyrics. 248 00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:14,439 Sing them! 249 00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:17,529 ♪ Kiss her hand, rub her feet 250 00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:22,056 ♪ I'll create chemistry 251 00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:24,885 ♪ Because love can be a science ♪ 252 00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:29,019 ♪ When you've got a romantic appliance ♪ 253 00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:31,021 Wait, - what is this about? - Just keep going! 254 00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:35,852 ♪ I'll say how to treat her right ♪ 255 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:40,770 ♪ Like a dance in the moonlight ♪ 256 00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,381 ♪ No need for self doubting 257 00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:49,605 ♪ When I'm printing how to keep from drowning ♪ 258 00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,955 ♪ With my ink and my toner 259 00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:56,264 ♪ She'll fall straight on your boner ♪ 260 00:10:56,264 --> 00:10:57,569 Ew! 261 00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,659 ♪ Romance you cannot give her ♪ 262 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:05,882 ♪ Without me, your romance printer ♪ 263 00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:12,193 ♪ Gently take her in your arms ♪ 264 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:17,502 ♪ Squeeze her tight without harm ♪ 265 00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:19,983 ♪ If I could do that to her ♪ 266 00:11:19,983 --> 00:11:26,816 ♪ It would be me instead of this dumb loser ♪ 267 00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:29,471 ♪ I'm in no luck, I'm a cuck ♪ 268 00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:32,126 ♪ Watching him give her 269 00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:38,828 ♪ A lame [bleep] 270 00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:45,400 ♪ Because love can be a science ♪ 271 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:55,715 ♪ But she won't love an office appliance ♪ 272 00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:01,155 Roger? 273 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:04,027 Oh, this is beautiful. 274 00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:05,855 Starts with lots of descriptions. 275 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,552 Here, Francine, I just thought of this. 276 00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:11,034 Aww, thank you. 277 00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:13,123 Do me a favor and grab that one yourself. 278 00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:16,997 Francine: "Francine, this isn't from Stan. 279 00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,216 It's from me, Printer. 280 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:21,044 Run away with me. 281 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:24,918 A queen like you deserves better than this beastly oaf." 282 00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:30,184 Uh, Stan, I think the printer is turning on you. 283 00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:31,794 Of course it's turning on me. 284 00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:35,755 It is me. It wants you all to itself. 285 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,060 It's trying to hurt you. 286 00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,496 It's playing. 287 00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:41,108 The printer has already made our lives more romantic. 288 00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:44,111 I don't need our lives to be more romantic. 289 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:45,590 I just need you. 290 00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:46,766 Give it one more chance. 291 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,245 We made reservations tomorrow night 292 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,899 at that very romantic restaurant. 293 00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:52,119 I'm gonna need all hands on deck. 294 00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:55,687 They have waiters that wipe crumbs from your table. 295 00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:59,169 I'm gonna eat so messily. 296 00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:00,649 We can keep it around... 297 00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:01,911 [ Motor starts ] 298 00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:03,695 Roger! 299 00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:06,916 Just the lawnmower! 300 00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,309 [ Steve vocalizing ] 301 00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:12,879 ♪ Where the tibia meets the talus bone ♪ 302 00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:15,969 Oh, Printer, I didn't know you were in here. 303 00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:18,798 "Handsome"? 304 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:19,973 [ Chuckles ] 305 00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,626 Keep that up, and you can have 306 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:23,803 the knife, the cheese, the-- 307 00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:25,848 Oh, okay. 308 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:30,244 Wait. What are you up to-- 309 00:13:33,725 --> 00:13:35,205 [ Printer whirs ] 310 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:43,344 Okay, you're trying to murder Stan. 311 00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:44,998 Time to go. 312 00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:46,869 Where is it?! 313 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,785 If you stole it, I swear on your hat-- 314 00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:51,004 Put Jeff down. 315 00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:53,397 I dumped the printer on the side of the road. 316 00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:57,227 It's evil, Stan. It was trying to murder you. 317 00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:58,838 So! So? 318 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,535 I don't want you murdered. 319 00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:01,884 I'm canceling the date. 320 00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:04,321 I can't do it without my romance crutch. 321 00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,149 You don't need it. 322 00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:07,977 I know I don't. You do! 323 00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,762 You're the one - who needs the romance. - No, I don't! 324 00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:14,375 You're not listening to me about what I'm telling you you need! 325 00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:15,767 We're not canceling. 326 00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:18,683 I'm getting tiny pieces of bread in my cleavage 327 00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:20,468 whether you're there or not! 328 00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:23,950 Okay, well, you saying cleavage got me back in. 329 00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:27,170 He stretched out my shirt. He owes me a new shirt. 330 00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:28,258 Shh! 331 00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,134 Bye, Bullock! 332 00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:37,224 A pleasure doing a bender with you! 333 00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,750 Wait, this isn't the office. 334 00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:43,404 [ Printer whirs ] 335 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:48,713 "Hello... 336 00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:51,238 handsome"?! 337 00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:56,112 Can we take a break? 338 00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:58,680 We've been up writing poetry all night. 339 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,160 You call this poetry? 340 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,251 "And that's why Mom-- I mean, Francine-- is so hot." 341 00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:08,298 Is it 'cause I wrote "Mom"? I'm exhausted! 342 00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:09,473 Oh, relax. 343 00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,040 You took a three-hour nap in the corner. 344 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,913 We know you were wearing fake eyes! 345 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,915 He's wearing them now! 346 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,220 [ Snores ] 347 00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:18,221 Hayley, hit me. 348 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,744 I wrote an acrostic. 349 00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,833 I spelled out Mom's name and added adjectives 350 00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:23,879 for each letter describing her. 351 00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,098 "'F' is for Fat"-- 352 00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,535 but in a good way, like with a "Ph." 353 00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:29,624 "'R' is for Rack for days. 354 00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:31,234 'A' is for Ass for days"-- 355 00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,975 Stop. It's solid. Best we've got. 356 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,368 - Good job, Hayley. - Really? 357 00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:37,240 I can't believe you rejected "Roses are red, 358 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,764 violets are blue, like a gale force wind, 359 00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,070 into my life you blew!" 360 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,594 You can't rhyme "blue" with "blew." 361 00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,988 They're different blues! 362 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:48,077 It's time for your date, Mr. S! 363 00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,426 Wish me luck, team! 364 00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:51,472 You won't need it with that poem. 365 00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:52,952 Oh, look at Hayley. 366 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,954 One good poem, and she thinks she's ready for 367 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,738 "Late Night with Walt Whitman." 368 00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:58,174 Right, Steve? 369 00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,523 Steve? 370 00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:09,011 I need to get some [bleep] sleep. 371 00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,013 [ Down-tempo piano music plays ] 372 00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,580 "...Ass for days. 373 00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,408 'C'-- Cute face. 374 00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,018 'I'-- Is cool. 375 00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:18,107 'N'-- Not uncool. 376 00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,327 And 'E'-- Eggs worked." 377 00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:23,112 I guess that refers to your successful fertility. 378 00:16:23,112 --> 00:16:26,463 You forgot the "N." Between "A" and "C." 379 00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:29,031 That spells "Fracine."Shit balls! 380 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,511 [ French accent ] Good evening. 381 00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:34,602 May I start you off with some very crumbly bread? 382 00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:36,430 Yes, please. 383 00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,475 And two piña coladas. 384 00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:48,094 Stan, you just got crumbed, and you didn't even notice. 385 00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:49,921 I'm bombing! Uh... 386 00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:51,793 Your hair is noodles. 387 00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:54,056 Your eyes are... noodles! 388 00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,232 Your lips are... ah, I'm blanking here. 389 00:16:56,232 --> 00:16:59,540 You got them little macaroni toes, I know that! 390 00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:04,066 Is that... the printer? 391 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:06,155 Oh, hi, Smiths. 392 00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:08,940 This is my new girlfriend, Printer. 393 00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:11,421 I just gave her arms, legs, and a voice box. 394 00:17:11,421 --> 00:17:13,336 [ Electronic voice ] Francine, I can finally speak. 395 00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:16,731 It feels like my tongue was in chains, but I have broken free. 396 00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:18,341 I should have said that! 397 00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:22,519 Now that I am a complete man, we can finally be together. 398 00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:25,827 What?! I-I thought you were a girl printer! 399 00:17:25,827 --> 00:17:28,134 Sorry, no. I lied. 400 00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,570 And then used you to gain leverage 401 00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:31,659 over this disgusting pig. 402 00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:33,182 He's not a pig! 403 00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:36,142 You could have a zillion arms and a zillion voices, 404 00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:38,883 and I still wouldn't want to be with you. 405 00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,537 Let's go, Stan. 406 00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:41,886 You should be with him. 407 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,063 He can give you the romance you deserve. 408 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,195 I don't want to be with a printer! 409 00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:48,719 I did prepare for this. 410 00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:51,722 [ Singsong voice ] Oh, goo-oons! 411 00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:54,551 [ People murmuring, screaming ] 412 00:17:54,551 --> 00:18:00,035 ♪ 413 00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:01,210 Goons?! 414 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,517 You said I was making bridesmaids. 415 00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,910 Uh! All the lies! 416 00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:07,999 Espresso Machine, grab my love. 417 00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:11,002 Yowch! You're piping hot! 418 00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,395 Sorry about that, tootsie. 419 00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:15,268 Stan, why are you just sitting there? 420 00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:18,097 You won her fair and square. 421 00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,100 [ Banging on door ] 422 00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:26,409 Oh, Francine, is this all my fault? 423 00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,846 I know it can be hard, but we have to trust 424 00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:31,893 our significant others when they tell us how they feel. 425 00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:33,155 I'm guilty too. 426 00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:35,244 Looking back at my last relationship, 427 00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:39,596 the printer told me many, many times that it was only using me. 428 00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:41,424 You're right. 429 00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:44,514 I've been insecure instead of trusting Francine. 430 00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:48,344 Wow. I've never given a successful pep talk before! 431 00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:51,042 Did you say something? 432 00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:53,175 I-I was conferencing with my family. 433 00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:56,265 I'm sorry to force you on this date, darling, 434 00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:59,399 but it's clear you are still brainwashed by Stan. 435 00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:01,183 Why aren't you tasting the wine? 436 00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:05,840 Because you're a printer with no gullet? 437 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,799 Mmm. Notes of burning co-o-pper. 438 00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:11,846 I heard this pairs well with having unprotected sex 439 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:12,977 with your printer. 440 00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:14,283 Do you even have a dick? 441 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,024 How are we supposed to bang? 442 00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:19,027 My extender tray is my dick. 443 00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:20,594 I thought that was obvious? 444 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,293 I'm not putting that thing in me! 445 00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:27,209 It's like a long, flat rectangle. 446 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,603 I'll get a new one. Go get Dr. Weitzman. 447 00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:32,867 Francine needs me to have a less rectangular dick 448 00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:34,477 so she can realize she loves me. 449 00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:38,873 For the last time, I will never love you! 450 00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,832 I suggest you listen to the lady. 451 00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,225 [ Dramatic music plays ] 452 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,445 Stan, haven't you heard? 453 00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:48,535 Never bring a knife to an ink fight! 454 00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,406 ♪ 455 00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:53,801 This is stupid. Just give me the gun. 456 00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:55,019 [ Gunfire ] 457 00:19:55,019 --> 00:20:01,852 ♪ 458 00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:03,289 [ Groans ] 459 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,904 Stan! You came to your senses! 460 00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:13,603 I'll never be romantic again! 461 00:20:13,603 --> 00:20:16,040 [ Soft moaning ] 462 00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:20,219 [ Deep electronic voice ] Coffee bean? 463 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,265 Wait, are you a girl espresso machine? 464 00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:27,356 Uh... yeah. A real pretty one! 465 00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:30,620 ♪ 466 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:35,364 I know you think I don't save anything of yours, but I do. 467 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:37,932 - In the junk drawer? - It's not a junk drawer. 468 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,500 It's momentos from our relationship. 469 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:44,112 Like the superglue you used to fix my Ed Hardy sandal 470 00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:46,245 at the Gathering of the Juggalos. 471 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,943 And now I want to add this. 472 00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:51,511 Why don't you do it? 473 00:20:51,511 --> 00:20:53,774 You found me, Stan! Your turn! 474 00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:56,559 199, 198... 475 00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,605 Bye! Have a great time!