1
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,527
Credit where credit's due.
2
00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:07,920
This is the greatest
game of hide and seek
3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,488
you've ever played, Roger.
4
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,142
"To: Francine"?
5
00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:15,580
"Can I see your boobies
in fourth period?
6
00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,147
Circle Y or N?"
7
00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:19,845
She circled N, but I can see
where she circled Y
8
00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:20,933
and erased it!
9
00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:25,329
These are all old love notes.
Why is Francine saving these?
10
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:26,635
Aha!
11
00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:29,072
Hiding in plain sight
as one of your personas.
12
00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:31,422
I got you, Roger!
Ow!
13
00:00:31,422 --> 00:00:32,945
Focus, Stan.
14
00:00:32,945 --> 00:00:35,252
You know the difference
between Roger and a real spider.
15
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,689
Roger?!
16
00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:44,174
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
17
00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:47,656
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
18
00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:50,572
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
19
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:54,619
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
20
00:00:57,013 --> 00:01:00,321
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
21
00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:02,888
♪ Good-- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
22
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:04,107
Aah!
23
00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:08,720
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
24
00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:14,117
♪ It's the shaving song,
we're in the leg zone ♪
25
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:17,077
♪ Where the tibia meets
the talus bone ♪
26
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,080
♪ No need for cream,
that stuff's for chumps ♪
27
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,430
♪ Press the blade down
hard and-- ♪
28
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:24,736
Shaving your gams
for Corey D?
29
00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:25,868
Who's Corey D?
30
00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,043
From third grade.
31
00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:29,785
He thinks
"you're berry cool."
32
00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,569
You went through
my stuff?
33
00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:32,701
I was looking for Roger.
34
00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:34,094
You haven't
found him yet?
35
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,486
He's in the--Don't tell me where he is!
36
00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:37,575
What I did find
is this shoebox
37
00:01:37,575 --> 00:01:39,925
filled with love letters
to my wife!
38
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,405
Are you threatened
by these?
39
00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:44,887
They're just momentos I save
so our grandkids'll know
40
00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:46,628
Mee-Maw was a smoke-show.
41
00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:49,979
There is a world
where I could be overreacting.
42
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:52,112
Promise me you'll put
those letters back
43
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,244
and stop worrying
about them.
44
00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:57,117
Of course, my love.
This is the end of it.
45
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,380
Your mother and I
are getting a divorce.
46
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:00,772
What?!
Unless...
47
00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:03,862
we determine none of these
old paramours are threats.
48
00:02:03,862 --> 00:02:07,039
Your mother's been saving
old love letters behind my back.
49
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:09,172
I've assembled this
command center at We Work
50
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:11,435
as a last-ditch effort
to save our marriage.
51
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:14,525
Maybe she just likes to
look back at memories.
52
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:15,700
That's what she told me,
53
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,789
but until we comb
through every word,
54
00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:19,182
I have to assume
the worst.
55
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,271
I already have the divorce
papers written up.
56
00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:23,621
I'm gonna pin them here
to motivate you.
57
00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:25,057
We're on it, Dad!
58
00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:27,147
If we suss out that any of these
losers are still
59
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:30,150
after our mom,
they're freaking dead!
60
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,717
Yeah.
Sorry, "Tony," but my mom
61
00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:34,632
doesn't care
that you think her hair is
62
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,417
"shinier than the sun."
63
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,201
You better
back the freak off!
64
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:40,160
Yeah!
And listen to this clown.
65
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,163
"Francine, let me swim
around in your mouth--"
66
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,166
Oh, this is from me
when I was obsessed with her.
67
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,385
And I can freaking
shove off already!
68
00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:51,083
- What is it, Jeff?
- It's...
69
00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,824
It's over, Mr. S!
70
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:57,089
This man writes
beautiful poetry to Mrs. S.
71
00:02:57,089 --> 00:03:01,398
These words make
my heart freaking pitter-patter!
72
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:05,837
"Francine, your skin as soft
as oleander petals..."
73
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:06,838
"...weeping willows..."
74
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:10,320
"...gentle breeze
upon the Nile."
75
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,540
Oh!
It's so good.
76
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,106
And, look,
there's more of them!
77
00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:16,196
This guy's been
writing these for years!
78
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,676
Who wrote
this gorgeous crap?
79
00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:20,504
It's anonymous.
80
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:25,074
C.I.A.?
It's one of my coworkers?
81
00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,511
You know what
you have to do, Dad.
82
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:31,994
I have to go to the C.I.A.
83
00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:34,214
and find out
who's best at poems, right?
84
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,086
And then rip out
their freaking throat!
85
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:41,656
The drug lord Eisenrich
has been--
86
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:45,573
Dr. Weitzman, why are you
sleeping in our conference room?
87
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,749
I got dumped,
and my girlfriend
88
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,272
got my apartment
in the breakup.
89
00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:51,753
I should have known
that contract she gave me
90
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:54,277
on our first date
wasn't just for "funsies"!
91
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:56,584
Don't get me started
on funsies contracts.
92
00:03:56,584 --> 00:04:00,762
That's how I got saddled with my
ex's alligator farm in Orlando.
93
00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:04,896
Ohh, I should go work
on my lab stuff.
94
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,246
As I was saying,
95
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,639
we finally located
the drug lord, Eisenrich.
96
00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:10,293
He's in the jungles
of Brazil.
97
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,513
Shoot.
I was hoping Orlando.
98
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:15,907
Sir, sounds like you'll need
an agent with poetic prowess.
99
00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,605
Allow me
to test the agents.
100
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,259
I don't see
how poetry can--
101
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,696
Dick, perform a haiku
about Brazil.
102
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:24,089
Brazil is a nut.
103
00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:26,918
I have two Brazils
in my pants.
104
00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:30,357
Terrible.
Jackson, describe this painting.
105
00:04:30,357 --> 00:04:31,575
Orlando!
106
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:33,098
Let's try
something different.
107
00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:35,710
Would you describe
my wife's breasts as,
108
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,929
A, large; B, medium;
109
00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:42,543
or, C, a tonic which could heal
all that ails the human spirit?
110
00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:45,589
I'm gonna say D,
cool!
111
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:46,938
How about
I print these
112
00:04:46,938 --> 00:04:48,375
and let you all fill
them out individually?
113
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,681
The main office printer
is busted.
114
00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:51,726
You can use mine.
115
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:52,944
I've got a poem!
116
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:55,947
Orlando is great,
Orlando is fair.
117
00:04:55,947 --> 00:05:00,038
Will you buy
one of my "alligaytares"?
118
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,915
The logo!
119
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,220
It's Bullock!
120
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:10,832
I can't murder my boss.
He could fire me!
121
00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:13,269
Wait, wait!
The poems are anonymous.
122
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:14,966
Mom doesn't know
they're from Bullock,
123
00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:17,012
so he can't be a threat, right?
124
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,753
Of course
he's a threat!
125
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,059
Those poems
are insanely romantic,
126
00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:25,368
and Francine is keeping them,
which means she's into it.
127
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:28,893
One second alone with Bullock,
he mentions Robert Frost,
128
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,373
and the "road not taken"
129
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:33,333
definitely won't
be her "bajima."
130
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,639
Maybe you could try to be
more romantic
131
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,337
like the poems, Mr. S.
132
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,381
Let me try.
133
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:42,559
Ahem.
Francine, your hair is like...
134
00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:43,691
the noodles.
135
00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,823
- A failure!
- We're done!
136
00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,608
Divorce!
Which noodles?!
137
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:50,175
The only way to settle this is
to put Bullock and Francine
138
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:52,221
in a situation
where they are alone,
139
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:55,137
and we see if Francine
goes for it.
140
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,660
How do
we get them alone?
141
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,183
- A car accident.
- Yes!
142
00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,360
Tons of romances start
when a hunky dude
143
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,362
accidentally bumps into
a sexy lady.
144
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,015
There's a motel on the side
of the highway
145
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:05,669
that's super romantic.
146
00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:08,150
We can cause
- the accident there.
- Perfect.
147
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:11,588
I need to see them a mustache
hair's away from boning.
148
00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:13,373
Yeah, we all do!
149
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,203
Everyone in position?
150
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,945
Yep, we bribed
the front-desk workers $40
151
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:22,120
to let us have
an empty room.
152
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,470
The rooms
cost 40 a night,
153
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,385
so pretty sure
you just rented a room.
154
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,344
There, I just lit
over 200 candles.
155
00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,390
Had to raid the Halloween
decorations for 'em though,
156
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,392
so they're all
little smiling pumpkins.
157
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:36,047
But it's still
sexy as hell in there!
158
00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:38,833
I told Bullock there was
a dope owl he had to see,
159
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,835
and I told Francine
the same thing.
160
00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:42,097
They should be here soon.
161
00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:44,839
Now for a little flat tire.
162
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,710
♪ This is the shaving song
163
00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:48,451
♪ We're in the leg zone
164
00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:51,889
Shit, shit!
165
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,765
♪ No need for cream ♪
166
00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,244
♪ That stuff's for chumps ♪
167
00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:01,029
♪ Press the blade
down hard and...♪
168
00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:04,554
Aaaaah!
169
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,602
Plan B.
170
00:07:12,954 --> 00:07:14,303
Rose petals?!
171
00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:17,132
No way my insurance
covers this place.
172
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:20,352
Are you trying to get me
and Bullock to hook up?
173
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:23,268
I was seeing if you would
hook up if given the chance.
174
00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:25,532
He's the one who writes you
those poems.
175
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:26,750
Bullock?
176
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:29,100
You're the author
of those amazing poems?
177
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:32,495
Oh, those transcendent poems
aren't from me.
178
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:33,975
They're from you.
179
00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:38,501
I'll explain, but can I please
see this dope owl first?
180
00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:39,589
Oh yeah, sure.
181
00:07:41,852 --> 00:07:43,463
- Wow!
- It is dope.
182
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:48,903
So this is me?
183
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:52,428
Sort of.
There's a part of you in it.
184
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:55,779
You see, when an agent
joins the C.I.A.,
185
00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:58,086
we do a lot of effed-up things
186
00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:01,524
to ensure you are
successful killing machines.
187
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:04,484
One of those is
the irreversible operation
188
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,138
of removing
the romantic lobe.
189
00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:10,577
How does romance get in the way
of C.I.A. missions?
190
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:14,581
Romance always
gets in the way.
191
00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:19,107
"Goddess Francine,
192
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:22,327
I must have done something
beautiful in a past life
193
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:24,199
to be blessed
with your presence!"
194
00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:26,070
Goddess?
195
00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:27,202
Okay!
196
00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:28,551
This is from me!
197
00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:30,814
It made Francine blush,
and it's from me!
198
00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:32,599
Exactamundo.
199
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:36,907
And this espresso machine
has Dick's romantic lobe.
200
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:40,171
Espresso truly made
with love.
201
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:42,130
The mini fridge
is Jackson.
202
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,175
Because he has
a cold heart!
203
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:47,831
You keep them all
in your office appliances?
204
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:51,487
Yes.
The lobes act as a power source.
205
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:55,012
No need for charging, batteries,
or unseemly plugs.
206
00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:56,318
Oh, sick.
207
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:59,234
Even sicker,
the printer adores you.
208
00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:00,801
When it began
printing poems,
209
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:04,282
I couldn't bear the thought
of them not being read,
210
00:09:04,282 --> 00:09:06,371
which is why
I mailed them.
211
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:07,808
I'm taking this.
Why?
212
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:10,854
Because with the printer,
we are a perfect couple.
213
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:13,030
I have
my romantic side back!
214
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,554
That's crazy.
215
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,252
We aren't bringing a printer
into our relationship.
216
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:22,170
"Francine, allow me
to take us to dinner."
217
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,737
A spontaneous date?
218
00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:25,695
I guess that is
kind of romantic.
219
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,132
See!
Let's give it a spin, baby.
220
00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:35,444
Dr. Weitzman, are you
still crying down there?
221
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:36,880
Yeah, sorry.
222
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:41,581
Your heart is broken,
and my printer was just stolen.
223
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,409
Grab your ATM card
and your tightest pants.
224
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,890
We're going on
a three-day bender!
225
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,719
All my pants
are the tightest.
226
00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:52,896
♪ La-la la-la
227
00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:56,987
"Ode to Francine
on the gondola of love.
228
00:09:56,987 --> 00:10:00,251
Though I cannot move myself,
you move me the way
229
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:02,384
the water moves beneath us."
230
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:04,734
Oh, I can't finish it.
231
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:08,564
Stan,
this is beautiful.
232
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:10,784
It says
it's for the gondolier.
233
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:13,264
Uh,
these are-a song lyrics.
234
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:14,439
Sing them!
235
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:17,529
♪ Kiss her hand, rub her feet
236
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:22,056
♪ I'll create chemistry
237
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:24,885
♪ Because love can be
a science ♪
238
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:29,019
♪ When you've got
a romantic appliance ♪
239
00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:31,021
Wait,
- what is this about?
- Just keep going!
240
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:35,852
♪ I'll say how to treat
her right ♪
241
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:40,770
♪ Like a dance
in the moonlight ♪
242
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,381
♪ No need for self doubting
243
00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:49,605
♪ When I'm printing
how to keep from drowning ♪
244
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,955
♪ With my ink and my toner
245
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:56,264
♪ She'll fall straight
on your boner ♪
246
00:10:56,264 --> 00:10:57,569
Ew!
247
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,659
♪ Romance you cannot
give her ♪
248
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:05,882
♪ Without me,
your romance printer ♪
249
00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:12,193
♪ Gently take her
in your arms ♪
250
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:17,502
♪ Squeeze her tight
without harm ♪
251
00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:19,983
♪ If I could do that
to her ♪
252
00:11:19,983 --> 00:11:26,816
♪ It would be me
instead of this dumb loser ♪
253
00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:29,471
♪ I'm in no luck,
I'm a cuck ♪
254
00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:32,126
♪ Watching him give her
255
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:38,828
♪ A lame
256
00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:45,400
♪ Because love
can be a science ♪
257
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:55,715
♪ But she won't love
an office appliance ♪
258
00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:01,155
Roger?
259
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:04,027
Oh, this is beautiful.
260
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:05,855
Starts with lots
of descriptions.
261
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,552
Here, Francine,
I just thought of this.
262
00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:11,034
Aww, thank you.
263
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:13,123
Do me a favor and grab
that one yourself.
264
00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:16,997
"Francine,
this isn't from Stan.
265
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,216
It's from me, Printer.
266
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:21,044
Run away with me.
267
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:24,918
A queen like you deserves
better than this beastly oaf."
268
00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:30,184
Uh, Stan, I think the printer
is turning on you.
269
00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:31,794
Of course
it's turning on me.
270
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:35,755
It is me.
It wants you all to itself.
271
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,060
It's trying
to hurt you.
272
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,496
It's playing.
273
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:41,108
The printer has already made
our lives more romantic.
274
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:44,111
I don't need our lives
to be more romantic.
275
00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:45,590
I just need you.
276
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:46,766
Give it one more chance.
277
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,245
We made reservations
tomorrow night
278
00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,899
at that
very romantic restaurant.
279
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:52,119
I'm gonna need
all hands on deck.
280
00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:55,687
They have waiters that
wipe crumbs from your table.
281
00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:59,169
I'm gonna eat
so messily.
282
00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:00,649
We can keep it around...
283
00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:03,695
Roger!
284
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:06,916
Just the lawnmower!
285
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:12,879
♪ Where the tibia
meets the talus bone ♪
286
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:15,969
Oh, Printer, I didn't know
you were in here.
287
00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:18,798
"Handsome"?
288
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,626
Keep that up,
and you can have
289
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:23,803
the knife, the cheese, the--
290
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:25,848
Oh, okay.
291
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:30,244
Wait.
What are you up to--
292
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:43,344
Okay, you're trying
to murder Stan.
293
00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:44,998
Time to go.
294
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:46,869
Where is it?!
295
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,785
If you stole it,
I swear on your hat--
296
00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:51,004
Put Jeff down.
297
00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:53,397
I dumped the printer
on the side of the road.
298
00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:57,227
It's evil, Stan.
It was trying to murder you.
299
00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:58,838
So!
So?
300
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,535
I don't want you murdered.
301
00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:01,884
I'm canceling
the date.
302
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:04,321
I can't do it
without my romance crutch.
303
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,149
You don't need it.
304
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:07,977
I know I don't.
You do!
305
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,762
You're the one
- who needs the romance.
- No, I don't!
306
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:14,375
You're not listening to me about
what I'm telling you you need!
307
00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:15,767
We're not canceling.
308
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:18,683
I'm getting tiny pieces of bread
in my cleavage
309
00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:20,468
whether you're there
or not!
310
00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:23,950
Okay, well, you saying cleavage
got me back in.
311
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:27,170
He stretched out my shirt.
He owes me a new shirt.
312
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:28,258
Shh!
313
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,134
Bye, Bullock!
314
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:37,224
A pleasure doing a bender
with you!
315
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,750
Wait,
this isn't the office.
316
00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:48,713
"Hello...
317
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:51,238
handsome"?!
318
00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:56,112
Can we take a break?
319
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:58,680
We've been up writing poetry
all night.
320
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,160
You call this poetry?
321
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,251
"And that's why Mom--
I mean, Francine-- is so hot."
322
00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:08,298
Is it 'cause I wrote "Mom"?
I'm exhausted!
323
00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:09,473
Oh, relax.
324
00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,040
You took a three-hour nap
in the corner.
325
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,913
We know you were wearing
fake eyes!
326
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,915
He's wearing them now!
327
00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:18,221
Hayley, hit me.
328
00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,744
I wrote an acrostic.
329
00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,833
I spelled out Mom's name
and added adjectives
330
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:23,879
for each letter
describing her.
331
00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,098
"'F' is for Fat"--
332
00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,535
but in a good way,
like with a "Ph."
333
00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:29,624
"'R' is for
Rack for days.
334
00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:31,234
'A' is for
Ass for days"--
335
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,975
Stop. It's solid.
Best we've got.
336
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,368
- Good job, Hayley.
- Really?
337
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:37,240
I can't believe you rejected
"Roses are red,
338
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,764
violets are blue,
like a gale force wind,
339
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,070
into my life you blew!"
340
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,594
You can't rhyme
"blue" with "blew."
341
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,988
They're different blues!
342
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:48,077
It's time
for your date, Mr. S!
343
00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,426
Wish me luck, team!
344
00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:51,472
You won't need it
with that poem.
345
00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:52,952
Oh, look at Hayley.
346
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,954
One good poem, and she thinks
she's ready for
347
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,738
"Late Night
with Walt Whitman."
348
00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:58,174
Right, Steve?
349
00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,523
Steve?
350
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:09,011
I need to get
some [bleep] sleep.
351
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,580
"...Ass for days.
352
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,408
'C'-- Cute face.
353
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,018
'I'-- Is cool.
354
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:18,107
'N'-- Not uncool.
355
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,327
And 'E'--
Eggs worked."
356
00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:23,112
I guess that refers
to your successful fertility.
357
00:16:23,112 --> 00:16:26,463
You forgot the "N."
Between "A" and "C."
358
00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:29,031
That spells "Fracine."Shit balls!
359
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,511
Good evening.
360
00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:34,602
May I start you off
with some very crumbly bread?
361
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:36,430
Yes, please.
362
00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,475
And two piña coladas.
363
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:48,094
Stan, you just got crumbed,
and you didn't even notice.
364
00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:49,921
I'm bombing!
Uh...
365
00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:51,793
Your hair is noodles.
366
00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:54,056
Your eyes are...
noodles!
367
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,232
Your lips are...
ah, I'm blanking here.
368
00:16:56,232 --> 00:16:59,540
You got them little
macaroni toes, I know that!
369
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:04,066
Is that...
the printer?
370
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:06,155
Oh, hi, Smiths.
371
00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:08,940
This is my new girlfriend, Printer.
372
00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:11,421
I just gave her arms, legs,
and a voice box.
373
00:17:11,421 --> 00:17:13,336
Francine,
I can finally speak.
374
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:16,731
It feels like my tongue was in
chains, but I have broken free.
375
00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:18,341
I should
have said that!
376
00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:22,519
Now that I am a complete man,
we can finally be together.
377
00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:25,827
What?! I-I thought you were
a girl printer!
378
00:17:25,827 --> 00:17:28,134
Sorry, no.
I lied.
379
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,570
And then used you
to gain leverage
380
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:31,659
over this
disgusting pig.
381
00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:33,182
He's not a pig!
382
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:36,142
You could have a zillion arms
and a zillion voices,
383
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:38,883
and I still wouldn't
want to be with you.
384
00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,537
Let's go, Stan.
385
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:41,886
You should be with him.
386
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,063
He can give you
the romance you deserve.
387
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,195
I don't want to be
with a printer!
388
00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:48,719
I did prepare for this.
389
00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:51,722
Oh, goo-oons!
390
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:01,210
Goons?!
391
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,517
You said I was
making bridesmaids.
392
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,910
Uh!
All the lies!
393
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:07,999
Espresso Machine,
grab my love.
394
00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:11,002
Yowch!
You're piping hot!
395
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,395
Sorry about that, tootsie.
396
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:15,268
Stan, why are you
just sitting there?
397
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:18,097
You won her
fair and square.
398
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:26,409
Oh, Francine,
is this all my fault?
399
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,846
I know it can be hard,
but we have to trust
400
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:31,893
our significant others
when they tell us how they feel.
401
00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:33,155
I'm guilty too.
402
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:35,244
Looking back
at my last relationship,
403
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:39,596
the printer told me many, many
times that it was only using me.
404
00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:41,424
You're right.
405
00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:44,514
I've been insecure
instead of trusting Francine.
406
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:48,344
Wow. I've never given
a successful pep talk before!
407
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:51,042
Did you say something?
408
00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:53,175
I-I was conferencing
with my family.
409
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:56,265
I'm sorry to force you
on this date, darling,
410
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:59,399
but it's clear you are
still brainwashed by Stan.
411
00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:01,183
Why aren't you
tasting the wine?
412
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:05,840
Because you're a printer
with no gullet?
413
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,799
Mmm.
Notes of burning co-o-pper.
414
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:11,846
I heard this pairs well
with having unprotected sex
415
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:12,977
with your printer.
416
00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:14,283
Do you
even have a dick?
417
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,024
How are
we supposed to bang?
418
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:19,027
My extender tray
is my dick.
419
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:20,594
I thought
that was obvious?
420
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,293
I'm not putting that thing
in me!
421
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:27,209
It's like a long,
flat rectangle.
422
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,603
I'll get a new one.
Go get Dr. Weitzman.
423
00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:32,867
Francine needs me to have
a less rectangular dick
424
00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:34,477
so she can realize
she loves me.
425
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:38,873
For the last time,
I will never love you!
426
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,832
I suggest you listen
to the lady.
427
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,445
Stan, haven't you heard?
428
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:48,535
Never bring a knife
to an ink fight!
429
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:53,801
This is stupid.
Just give me the gun.
430
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,904
Stan!
You came to your senses!
431
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:13,603
I'll never be
romantic again!
432
00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:20,219
Coffee bean?
433
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,265
Wait, are you
a girl espresso machine?
434
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:27,356
Uh... yeah.
A real pretty one!
435
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:35,364
I know you think I don't save
anything of yours, but I do.
436
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:37,932
- In the junk drawer?
- It's not a junk drawer.
437
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,500
It's momentos
from our relationship.
438
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:44,112
Like the superglue you used
to fix my Ed Hardy sandal
439
00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:46,245
at the Gathering
of the Juggalos.
440
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,943
And now
I want to add this.
441
00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:51,511
Why don't you do it?
442
00:20:51,511 --> 00:20:53,774
You found me, Stan!
Your turn!
443
00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:56,559
199, 198...
444
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,605
Bye!
Have a great time!