1 00:00:03,266 --> 00:00:07,401 Stan, a new gym opened up on Oak Road. 2 00:00:07,403 --> 00:00:09,470 They're offering a free one-week trial! 3 00:00:09,472 --> 00:00:12,006 They have a pool, all-new equipment, 4 00:00:12,008 --> 00:00:16,144 and a "designated area for old men to blow-dry their balls." 5 00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:18,146 You had me at old men's balls. 6 00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,747 That was the last thing I said. 7 00:00:19,749 --> 00:00:21,081 And the best! 8 00:00:21,083 --> 00:00:24,152 I can't wait to commit to a new healthy lifestyle. 9 00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,954 What? You never commit to anything. 10 00:00:26,956 --> 00:00:28,222 You're a dabbler, Mom. 11 00:00:28,224 --> 00:00:29,624 Yeah, I'm a dabbler. 12 00:00:29,626 --> 00:00:32,092 And now I'm thinking about dabbling in committing. 13 00:00:32,094 --> 00:00:34,228 You know, when a gym's trying to get you to sign up, 14 00:00:34,230 --> 00:00:35,896 they'll do anything to keep you happy. 15 00:00:35,898 --> 00:00:39,033 But once you join, you're just some guy paying 60 bucks a month 16 00:00:39,035 --> 00:00:42,102 to have a place to stop and take dumps on the way home from work. 17 00:00:42,104 --> 00:00:44,572 So that's why you never go at home. 18 00:00:44,574 --> 00:00:47,107 I was beginning to think you were a "Westworld." 19 00:00:57,988 --> 00:01:00,788 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 20 00:01:00,790 --> 00:01:04,525 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 21 00:01:04,527 --> 00:01:07,327 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 22 00:01:07,329 --> 00:01:11,199 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 23 00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:16,937 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 24 00:01:16,939 --> 00:01:19,674 ♪ Good... ♪ ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 25 00:01:19,676 --> 00:01:20,575 Aah! 26 00:01:22,012 --> 00:01:25,380 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 27 00:01:28,334 --> 00:01:29,933 I love gym towels. 28 00:01:29,935 --> 00:01:32,936 Each one is the perfect size to dry one limb. 29 00:01:32,938 --> 00:01:35,939 I'm gonna make a ton of towel swans. 30 00:01:37,809 --> 00:01:39,809 Sir! You have to pay for those Muscle Milks! 31 00:01:39,811 --> 00:01:42,112 Doin' the free trial, my man! 32 00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:51,154 Hey... 33 00:01:51,156 --> 00:01:53,123 That's enough of that! 34 00:01:58,430 --> 00:02:01,131 Where do they go? 35 00:02:03,501 --> 00:02:06,436 Before the invention of the high-five, 36 00:02:06,438 --> 00:02:07,971 man searched in vain 37 00:02:07,973 --> 00:02:10,907 for a satisfying way to celebrate victory. 38 00:02:10,909 --> 00:02:13,777 Everything changed in 1977, 39 00:02:13,779 --> 00:02:16,913 with the first-ever recorded high-five. 40 00:02:16,915 --> 00:02:18,114 Oh, the high-five. 41 00:02:18,116 --> 00:02:20,850 Not to toot my own horn but... I invented that. 42 00:02:20,852 --> 00:02:23,453 ...invented by Glenn Burke and Dusty Baker. 43 00:02:23,455 --> 00:02:24,788 What?! 44 00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:26,456 Glenn and I were at Dodger Stadium 45 00:02:26,458 --> 00:02:28,858 and we stumbled upon this perfect hand thing 46 00:02:28,860 --> 00:02:30,460 that changed the world. 47 00:02:30,462 --> 00:02:32,462 Lies! I invented the high-five 48 00:02:32,464 --> 00:02:36,066 after passing my drug test at the 1974 Junior Olympics! 49 00:02:36,068 --> 00:02:38,802 Not according to this IFC documentary. 50 00:02:38,804 --> 00:02:41,205 IFC?! IFC are liars! 51 00:02:41,207 --> 00:02:43,607 Don't call yourself the Independent Film Channel 52 00:02:43,609 --> 00:02:45,809 and then air "A Very Brady Sequel"! 53 00:02:45,811 --> 00:02:48,544 Hang on, Klaus. What are you angry about? 54 00:02:48,546 --> 00:02:50,546 IFC or the high-five thing? 55 00:02:50,548 --> 00:02:52,416 Ohhh, the high-five! 56 00:02:52,418 --> 00:02:53,817 I invented that! 57 00:02:53,819 --> 00:02:55,752 Not according to IFC. 58 00:02:55,754 --> 00:02:58,755 Ohhh, don't get me started on IFC! 59 00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:02,092 So, what are you gonna do today? 60 00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:03,827 Probably cool down at the pool, 61 00:03:03,829 --> 00:03:06,162 release some towel swans, wonder where they go. 62 00:03:06,164 --> 00:03:09,099 If you want results, you got to stick to your routine. 63 00:03:10,235 --> 00:03:11,234 Whoops! 64 00:03:11,236 --> 00:03:12,636 Your free trial is over. 65 00:03:12,638 --> 00:03:16,039 Let's just sign you up for paid membership, get you in there. 66 00:03:16,041 --> 00:03:17,441 Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. 67 00:03:17,443 --> 00:03:20,110 Let me just get my credit card out of my pocket... 68 00:03:28,254 --> 00:03:31,054 You were right to add HBO Latino, Jeff. 69 00:03:31,056 --> 00:03:34,124 "Schindler's List" is much less sad when it's in Spanish. 70 00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,460 Uno mas! Uno mas muchacho! 71 00:03:37,996 --> 00:03:39,729 Just because I don't want to go to the gym 72 00:03:39,731 --> 00:03:41,197 doesn't mean you can't. 73 00:03:41,199 --> 00:03:43,800 But I was really liking going together. 74 00:03:43,802 --> 00:03:47,137 Guess I can't go at all. Uch, so unfair! 75 00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:49,739 Wait a second, are you using me as an excuse 76 00:03:49,741 --> 00:03:50,941 to stop going to the gym? 77 00:03:50,943 --> 00:03:53,143 - That's ridiculous. - Is it, Mom? 78 00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:56,946 It kind of sounds like ceramics class all over again. 79 00:03:56,948 --> 00:03:58,614 I only quit that class because 80 00:03:58,616 --> 00:04:01,818 your dad couldn't get hard if my hands smelled like clay! 81 00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:04,420 O... kay. How about when you were gonna learn Spanish, 82 00:04:04,422 --> 00:04:06,756 but then you quit because your kids only speak English 83 00:04:06,758 --> 00:04:08,758 and you wanted to be able to understand them? 84 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,828 I wanted to communicate with my kids. 85 00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,763 Take me away, officer! 86 00:04:13,765 --> 00:04:15,365 Yeah, I was pretty bummed 87 00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:18,302 when you quit writing your one-woman show, Mrs. S. 88 00:04:18,304 --> 00:04:21,305 I told you, I haven't lived the ending yet. 89 00:04:21,307 --> 00:04:23,239 That just seems like another excuse. 90 00:04:23,241 --> 00:04:25,309 You know, Mom, it sounds like Dad has a good point. 91 00:04:25,311 --> 00:04:26,776 It is a good point. 92 00:04:26,778 --> 00:04:29,379 Steve said it, too! Hear that, hon? 93 00:04:29,381 --> 00:04:31,715 I made a good point about you being a quitter! 94 00:04:31,717 --> 00:04:34,318 Me! Stan Smith! Good point guy! 95 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,787 Come on, kids! I say "good," you say "point"! Good! 96 00:04:37,789 --> 00:04:39,255 Point! Good! Point! 97 00:04:39,257 --> 00:04:40,056 Good! Point! 98 00:04:40,058 --> 00:04:41,191 Point! What? 99 00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:42,326 Good! Point! Oh! Point! 100 00:04:42,328 --> 00:04:43,827 Good point. 101 00:04:46,131 --> 00:04:47,597 Fans, please welcome 102 00:04:47,599 --> 00:04:49,799 the beloved inventor of the high-five, 103 00:04:49,801 --> 00:04:53,469 toothpick enthusiast Dusty Baker! 104 00:04:53,471 --> 00:04:54,671 Wow! 105 00:04:54,673 --> 00:04:56,606 I am so blessed to see 106 00:04:56,608 --> 00:05:00,344 how the world's embraced my little iconic gesture... 107 00:05:00,346 --> 00:05:02,679 Liar! 108 00:05:02,681 --> 00:05:03,613 Liar! 109 00:05:03,615 --> 00:05:05,815 I invented the high-five! 110 00:05:05,817 --> 00:05:09,152 Whoops, sounds like someone had a little too much to drink. 111 00:05:09,154 --> 00:05:13,156 Please! How can anyone get drunk paying $14 a beer? 112 00:05:13,158 --> 00:05:16,292 It's half my disability check just to catch a buzz! 113 00:05:16,294 --> 00:05:18,828 I'm sorry, are you mad about the price of beer 114 00:05:18,830 --> 00:05:20,564 or the origin of the high-five? 115 00:05:20,566 --> 00:05:23,033 Ohhh, the high-five! 116 00:05:23,035 --> 00:05:24,500 I invented that! 117 00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:28,772 It's okay, folks! 118 00:05:28,774 --> 00:05:31,908 The high-five is such a natural expression of joy 119 00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:35,045 that people want to claim ownership, but truly... 120 00:05:35,047 --> 00:05:37,513 it belongs to all of us. 121 00:05:42,988 --> 00:05:45,389 Listen, you seem like a good guy. 122 00:05:45,391 --> 00:05:48,524 Why don't I have you over for a drink, sort this all out? 123 00:05:48,526 --> 00:05:51,861 Buddy, I don't drink, I get wasted! 124 00:05:51,863 --> 00:05:53,263 Yeah-ha! 125 00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:57,334 I'ma piss on your futon! Sigma Chi! 126 00:05:58,937 --> 00:06:00,536 Jacket material? 127 00:06:00,538 --> 00:06:02,338 Satin's always in style. 128 00:06:02,340 --> 00:06:03,407 Lining? 129 00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:05,209 Satin's always popular. 130 00:06:05,211 --> 00:06:06,410 Font? 131 00:06:06,412 --> 00:06:09,813 Obviously "Laverne & Shirley" shadow bold. 132 00:06:11,817 --> 00:06:13,884 And order. 133 00:06:13,886 --> 00:06:15,285 Three weeks?! 134 00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:17,553 Well, I'll just stay busy. 135 00:06:31,903 --> 00:06:34,304 - Dad? - Can't you see I'm busy?! 136 00:06:34,306 --> 00:06:35,972 Every time! 137 00:06:43,115 --> 00:06:44,380 I don't see any need 138 00:06:44,382 --> 00:06:46,416 to bring insurance companies into this. 139 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,454 Francine! What's wrong with you? 140 00:06:50,456 --> 00:06:53,189 Did my good point crush your spirit? 141 00:06:53,191 --> 00:06:55,191 You're making me feel terrible about my new jacket. 142 00:06:55,193 --> 00:06:57,527 Check it out, oh, yeah! 143 00:06:57,529 --> 00:06:59,529 "Good point gay"? 144 00:06:59,531 --> 00:07:01,131 What?! 145 00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:03,333 Are you kidding me?! Really?! 146 00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:04,734 What time is it? 147 00:07:04,736 --> 00:07:05,936 I got to get back to the gym. 148 00:07:05,938 --> 00:07:07,137 But you quit the gym. 149 00:07:07,139 --> 00:07:08,672 I wrote a whole jacket about it. 150 00:07:08,674 --> 00:07:11,475 Ooaaaah! 151 00:07:16,148 --> 00:07:19,015 B-b-b-oner from body! 152 00:07:19,017 --> 00:07:21,017 Body give boner! 153 00:07:21,019 --> 00:07:23,820 Beautiful body give baby boner! 154 00:07:23,822 --> 00:07:25,155 Oh, mommy! 155 00:07:26,892 --> 00:07:28,959 Ooaaaah! 156 00:07:28,961 --> 00:07:31,027 - Stan... - Ooaaaah! 157 00:07:31,029 --> 00:07:32,428 Okay. Explain. 158 00:07:32,430 --> 00:07:36,032 Well, as much as it hurt, you did have a good point. 159 00:07:36,034 --> 00:07:39,303 I tend to quit things, and I want to change that. 160 00:07:39,305 --> 00:07:41,771 So I decided to stick with the gym. 161 00:07:41,773 --> 00:07:46,242 And my trainer, Jackie, has been helping me push past my limits. 162 00:07:46,244 --> 00:07:47,711 Are you even listening to me? 163 00:07:47,713 --> 00:07:49,112 Yeah, yeah, you said, 164 00:07:49,114 --> 00:07:52,048 "Lackie, bleen be mush mast your glinglets." 165 00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:53,850 Now let's screw! 166 00:07:53,852 --> 00:07:55,986 That was so powerful, Francine. 167 00:07:55,988 --> 00:07:57,387 So special. 168 00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:59,789 I trust it put an end to those nasty rumors 169 00:07:59,791 --> 00:08:01,858 my jacket's been spreading. 170 00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,059 What are you doing? 171 00:08:03,061 --> 00:08:04,794 I'm heading back to the gym. 172 00:08:04,796 --> 00:08:07,197 No, but stay here, though. 173 00:08:07,199 --> 00:08:10,133 Stan, I have to go. It's a leg day. 174 00:08:10,135 --> 00:08:13,403 I called the gym and they said it's a bed day. 175 00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:15,405 Honey. 176 00:08:15,407 --> 00:08:16,873 Human blanket! 177 00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:19,075 Don't go. You can bwame bwanket. 178 00:08:19,077 --> 00:08:21,211 Stan, I promised myself. 179 00:08:21,213 --> 00:08:24,681 I can't miss my workouts. 180 00:08:26,484 --> 00:08:28,618 That was a hot slam, Francine! 181 00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:29,819 Hey, Steve, what's up? 182 00:08:29,821 --> 00:08:31,421 Your mom just gave me a hot slam. 183 00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:32,622 Did you feel the house move? 184 00:08:32,624 --> 00:08:35,926 I'm just trying to walk down the hall. 185 00:08:37,963 --> 00:08:40,163 Everything's gold. 186 00:08:40,165 --> 00:08:43,133 That classy sonuvabitch. 187 00:08:56,982 --> 00:08:59,315 Klaus! The fish from the game! 188 00:08:59,317 --> 00:09:02,886 Thank you so much for coming to my home. 189 00:09:04,189 --> 00:09:05,255 Now, listen here, Dusty... 190 00:09:05,257 --> 00:09:06,723 Toothpick for your lamb? 191 00:09:06,725 --> 00:09:09,726 Everything tastes better with just a hint of tree. 192 00:09:09,728 --> 00:09:10,927 Who cares?! 193 00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,396 I want to talk about the high-five. 194 00:09:12,398 --> 00:09:15,065 I invented it. Not you. Are we clear? 195 00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:18,068 I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. 196 00:09:18,070 --> 00:09:20,804 It's like Tina Turner said to me... 197 00:09:20,806 --> 00:09:22,138 Stop! 198 00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:24,140 You know Tina Turner? 199 00:09:24,142 --> 00:09:26,542 She's a dear, dear friend. 200 00:09:26,544 --> 00:09:29,880 Tell me right now... did you smush her? 201 00:09:29,882 --> 00:09:32,482 Klaus, a gentleman never tells. 202 00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:37,153 But I will say, if I "high-fived" her in an elevator, 203 00:09:37,155 --> 00:09:39,623 it was ♪ Simply the best ♪ 204 00:09:43,962 --> 00:09:45,762 Who is this? 205 00:09:45,764 --> 00:09:47,497 What is that? 206 00:09:49,101 --> 00:09:51,567 Where was that there?! Francine! 207 00:09:52,370 --> 00:09:54,570 Roger, who the hell parked their van in the driveway? 208 00:09:54,572 --> 00:09:57,040 Oh, that's Jackie. Francine's gym friend. 209 00:09:57,042 --> 00:09:59,776 Oh, there's another muscle lady in the house? 210 00:09:59,778 --> 00:10:01,111 Yes, there is. 211 00:10:01,113 --> 00:10:02,578 And she's a man! 212 00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:03,447 Well, sort of. 213 00:10:03,449 --> 00:10:05,449 In pursuit of the perfect bikini front, 214 00:10:05,451 --> 00:10:08,852 I trained my penis to permanently recede into my body. 215 00:10:08,854 --> 00:10:10,787 - How far? - Out the back. 216 00:10:10,789 --> 00:10:13,457 It looks like he has a tail. Show him, Jackie. 217 00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:15,325 Francine! 218 00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:19,663 Francine, we need to talk. 219 00:10:19,665 --> 00:10:22,332 Sure, but could you hop on my back? 220 00:10:22,334 --> 00:10:24,935 I need more resistance. 221 00:10:24,937 --> 00:10:27,203 Okay, Francine, I get it, good job. 222 00:10:27,205 --> 00:10:29,139 I don't think you're a quitter anymore. 223 00:10:29,141 --> 00:10:32,542 Now that you've proven me wrong, can you... quit? 224 00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:35,812 I'm not trying to prove anything to you. 225 00:10:35,814 --> 00:10:36,880 This is for me. 226 00:10:36,882 --> 00:10:38,414 But it's affecting everyone. 227 00:10:38,416 --> 00:10:41,285 The house is a mess, every meal is some gross shake, 228 00:10:41,287 --> 00:10:43,353 and the last three family movie nights 229 00:10:43,355 --> 00:10:45,555 have been P90X workout videos. 230 00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:47,491 I'm so distracted I didn't even ask Roger 231 00:10:47,493 --> 00:10:49,359 why he's dressed like a park ranger. 232 00:10:49,361 --> 00:10:51,094 And you just know it's something cool! 233 00:10:51,096 --> 00:10:52,629 Well, I'm not quitting. 234 00:10:52,631 --> 00:10:53,763 Jackie and I just entered 235 00:10:53,765 --> 00:10:56,232 the Langley Falls Bodybuilding Competition. 236 00:10:56,234 --> 00:10:58,434 So what, you're just gonna keep doing this forever? 237 00:10:58,436 --> 00:10:59,569 Yes! 238 00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:02,639 Yes! Of course I can get Francine to quit. 239 00:11:02,641 --> 00:11:04,841 Let's not forget she's a quitter at heart. 240 00:11:04,843 --> 00:11:07,511 She didn't even get around to stuffing her Build-A-Bear. 241 00:11:07,513 --> 00:11:09,379 And remember her one-woman show? 242 00:11:12,784 --> 00:11:15,185 I just want things the way they were. 243 00:11:15,187 --> 00:11:17,321 All she needs is a little setback. 244 00:11:17,323 --> 00:11:20,656 Like say... if you and I were to beat them 245 00:11:20,658 --> 00:11:22,392 in the bodybuilding competition. 246 00:11:22,394 --> 00:11:24,661 How are we gonna do that? She's been training for weeks. 247 00:11:24,663 --> 00:11:25,862 It won't be easy. 248 00:11:25,864 --> 00:11:27,998 Transforming your body will take dedication. 249 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:31,601 No time for family, or friends. I am talking total sacrifice. 250 00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:34,137 I'm talkin' no sweets, Stan. I'm in. 251 00:11:34,139 --> 00:11:36,206 Did you hear the part about no sweets? Yes. 252 00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:38,875 That means no cookies, you little cookie monster. 253 00:11:38,877 --> 00:11:41,411 Roger! Sorry, I had to test your dedication. 254 00:11:41,413 --> 00:11:42,746 Now I have to test... 255 00:11:42,748 --> 00:11:44,715 how much steroids you can take in your neck. 256 00:11:48,354 --> 00:11:50,286 Dusty, I got to say, 257 00:11:50,288 --> 00:11:53,156 these have been some of the best days of my life. 258 00:11:53,158 --> 00:11:56,426 I can't believe I was mad at you about the high-five. 259 00:11:56,428 --> 00:12:01,765 'Cause now you're like my best friend. 260 00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:02,966 My man! 261 00:12:02,968 --> 00:12:05,835 Can I get a high-five? 262 00:12:05,837 --> 00:12:07,637 Dusty, ow! 263 00:12:07,639 --> 00:12:09,039 What are you doing? 264 00:12:09,041 --> 00:12:11,375 I stole it from you. 265 00:12:11,377 --> 00:12:14,778 I was at the Junior Olympics when you invented the high-five. 266 00:12:14,780 --> 00:12:18,715 It was so beautiful. I had to make it mine. 267 00:12:18,717 --> 00:12:19,916 What? 268 00:12:19,918 --> 00:12:23,053 You know how hard it is to be a famously nice guy 269 00:12:23,055 --> 00:12:26,590 when I'm constantly reminded that my greatest accomplishment 270 00:12:26,592 --> 00:12:28,124 is a lie?! 271 00:12:28,126 --> 00:12:29,393 Without the high-five, 272 00:12:29,395 --> 00:12:31,861 I'm just a highly respected athlete 273 00:12:31,863 --> 00:12:34,330 who transitioned perfectly into a vibrant 274 00:12:34,332 --> 00:12:38,268 and fulfilling second act as a leader of men. 275 00:12:38,270 --> 00:12:39,469 That still sounds pretty good. 276 00:12:39,471 --> 00:12:42,138 To you! The great genius! 277 00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:44,007 Don't you see I hurt?! 278 00:12:44,009 --> 00:12:46,009 So I decided to hurt you. 279 00:12:46,011 --> 00:12:49,079 First by showing you everything that should've been yours, 280 00:12:49,081 --> 00:12:53,617 and now by taking away everything you've got! 281 00:12:53,619 --> 00:12:56,220 But you already have the only great thing I ever did! 282 00:12:56,222 --> 00:12:58,221 What more can you take?! 283 00:12:58,223 --> 00:13:00,424 Well, I could start with... 284 00:13:00,426 --> 00:13:02,092 ...your accent. 285 00:13:02,094 --> 00:13:04,828 Now I am German sounding! 286 00:13:08,233 --> 00:13:12,569 And then I take your whole fish idea. 287 00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:21,111 Who is the fish now? 288 00:13:21,113 --> 00:13:23,447 Finally, I steal from you 289 00:13:23,449 --> 00:13:27,284 the ability to breathe underwater! 290 00:13:38,797 --> 00:13:41,665 Well, I think we both saw that coming. 291 00:13:50,676 --> 00:13:53,409 Give it up for Jan and Jim López! 292 00:13:53,411 --> 00:13:56,647 Who's who? Hard to tell, but fun to guess! 293 00:13:58,484 --> 00:14:00,416 Arms up, pull it down! 294 00:14:00,418 --> 00:14:02,085 Attagirl, Francine! 295 00:14:02,087 --> 00:14:03,687 You're so big! 296 00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:05,355 You think she's big? 297 00:14:05,357 --> 00:14:07,623 Excuse me, I'm trying to... 298 00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:10,026 If I could just get past. 299 00:14:10,028 --> 00:14:11,295 Thank you... Johnny? 300 00:14:11,297 --> 00:14:12,362 Sorry I thought you were someone else. 301 00:14:12,364 --> 00:14:13,630 'Scuse me. Sorry. 302 00:14:13,632 --> 00:14:15,165 Stan, that was definitely Johnny. 303 00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:16,766 We had sex. Pardon me! 304 00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:18,368 Sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah. 305 00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:20,404 You think she's big?! 306 00:14:21,907 --> 00:14:23,439 Ta da! 307 00:14:23,441 --> 00:14:26,910 Boom. Rat braid. Ready to quit? 308 00:14:26,912 --> 00:14:30,580 I cannot believe you would do this just to get me to quit! 309 00:14:30,582 --> 00:14:33,449 Well, it's only gonna make me try harder! 310 00:14:33,451 --> 00:14:35,185 You just woke the dragon. 311 00:14:35,187 --> 00:14:38,588 Eeeeh! 312 00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:41,791 I'm sorry, I don't know what a dragon is. 313 00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:45,329 Please welcome Stan Smith and Tammy Twopiece! 314 00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:47,463 ♪ Dirty South, uh-huh ♪ 315 00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:48,932 ♪ Can y'all really feel me ♪ 316 00:14:48,934 --> 00:14:50,534 ♪ East Coast, feel me ♪ 317 00:14:50,536 --> 00:14:52,336 ♪ West Coast, feel me ♪ 318 00:14:52,338 --> 00:14:57,674 ♪ Boy, I've been watching you like the hawk in the sky ♪ 319 00:14:57,676 --> 00:15:01,011 ♪ That flies and you were my prey ♪ 320 00:15:01,013 --> 00:15:04,414 ♪ Boy, I promise you if we keep bumpin' heads ♪ 321 00:15:04,416 --> 00:15:07,817 ♪ I know that one of these days ♪ 322 00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:11,355 ♪ We gon' hook it up while we talk on the phone ♪ 323 00:15:11,357 --> 00:15:14,958 ♪ But see, I don't know if that's good ♪ 324 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,695 ♪ I've been holdin' back this secret from you ♪ 325 00:15:18,697 --> 00:15:20,430 ♪ I probably shouldn't tell it, but ♪ 326 00:15:20,432 --> 00:15:24,100 ♪ If I, if I let you know ♪ 327 00:15:24,102 --> 00:15:28,171 ♪ You can't tell nobody, I'm talkin' 'bout nobody ♪ 328 00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:30,974 That, ladies and gentlemen, 329 00:15:30,976 --> 00:15:33,944 is what Langley Bodybuilding is all about! 330 00:15:36,048 --> 00:15:37,915 You'll never beat that. 331 00:15:39,985 --> 00:15:41,184 We can do this! 332 00:15:41,186 --> 00:15:42,852 No limits! No limits! 333 00:15:58,404 --> 00:15:59,669 We're losing them! 334 00:15:59,671 --> 00:16:01,271 Let's spell it out for them. 335 00:16:01,273 --> 00:16:03,273 Ab-phabet. 336 00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:19,022 You can't hold that pose forever! 337 00:16:19,024 --> 00:16:21,157 Oh, yes, I can! 338 00:16:21,159 --> 00:16:24,961 I'll never quit! 339 00:16:29,301 --> 00:16:31,167 A new vein... gross! 340 00:16:31,169 --> 00:16:32,568 And the judges love it! 341 00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:36,172 I'm absolutely losing my mind here! 342 00:16:43,715 --> 00:16:47,250 Are we about to see the world's first brain flex?! 343 00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:01,698 Francine's extreme exertion during the competition 344 00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,433 caused her to have an aneurysm. 345 00:17:03,435 --> 00:17:04,434 She's in a coma. 346 00:17:04,436 --> 00:17:06,436 This is totally my fault. 347 00:17:06,438 --> 00:17:08,972 If only I hadn't strong-armed my way 348 00:17:08,974 --> 00:17:10,908 into that bodybuilding competition. 349 00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:12,442 Sir, please stop posing. 350 00:17:12,444 --> 00:17:15,979 I can't. This is shaking me to the core! 351 00:17:15,981 --> 00:17:17,447 Stan, snap out of it! 352 00:17:17,449 --> 00:17:19,716 Don't you understand, Franny's in trouble! 353 00:17:19,718 --> 00:17:21,118 Yah! 354 00:17:22,321 --> 00:17:24,187 Roger, snap out of it! 355 00:17:24,189 --> 00:17:26,456 These machines are keeping her alive! 356 00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:27,457 Is she gonna live? 357 00:17:27,459 --> 00:17:29,258 Well, that depends. 358 00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:30,393 Is she a fighter? 359 00:17:30,395 --> 00:17:31,461 Hell yeah, she is! 360 00:17:31,463 --> 00:17:34,197 Or... a quitter? 361 00:17:34,199 --> 00:17:36,599 Ewewewoh... 362 00:17:36,601 --> 00:17:39,669 A q-q-quitter, that's, uh, an interesting word to choose, 363 00:17:39,671 --> 00:17:43,273 given, uh, it's been a-a recent, uh, bone of contention, 364 00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:44,608 uh, between me and my wife. 365 00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:46,075 Are you guys on drugs? 366 00:17:46,077 --> 00:17:48,111 - Very much. - Yes. An incredible amount. Yes. 367 00:17:54,219 --> 00:17:55,552 She's unresponsive. 368 00:17:55,554 --> 00:17:58,455 But it doesn't mean she's not in there. 369 00:18:05,764 --> 00:18:09,298 It all began when I was 15. 370 00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:14,237 I begged my mom for a drum kit and she got it for me. 371 00:18:14,239 --> 00:18:18,976 I was going to be the world's best female drummer. 372 00:18:18,978 --> 00:18:21,979 Big drum, big drum, middle one, little one, foot drum, 373 00:18:21,981 --> 00:18:24,581 metal thing, metal thing, no mistakes! 374 00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:26,650 That was my dream. 375 00:18:26,652 --> 00:18:29,786 But instead of practicing, I got real high. 376 00:18:29,788 --> 00:18:31,855 But this isn't about drugs. 377 00:18:31,857 --> 00:18:35,192 This is about me quitting. 378 00:18:35,194 --> 00:18:38,795 And I quit everything. 379 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,002 Two years later, I wanted to become a chef. 380 00:18:45,004 --> 00:18:46,803 Chop, chop, sizzle, sizzle! 381 00:18:48,139 --> 00:18:51,675 Working at Applebee's is not as glamorous 382 00:18:51,677 --> 00:18:54,077 as it's chopped up to be. 383 00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:55,512 I quit! 384 00:18:57,416 --> 00:18:59,016 Yo soy. 385 00:18:59,018 --> 00:19:00,417 Yo soy. 386 00:19:00,419 --> 00:19:02,219 Tu eres. 387 00:19:02,221 --> 00:19:03,553 Too much! 388 00:19:03,555 --> 00:19:05,689 How do you say "quit" in Spanish? 389 00:19:05,691 --> 00:19:07,156 I don't know. 390 00:19:07,158 --> 00:19:08,992 Are you getting it yet? 391 00:19:11,496 --> 00:19:14,231 So when I started bodybuilding, 392 00:19:14,233 --> 00:19:17,034 I made a promise I wouldn't quit. 393 00:19:17,036 --> 00:19:18,568 But guess what? 394 00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:20,770 My body quit on me. 395 00:19:20,772 --> 00:19:23,907 Isn't that the most Francine thing you ever heard? 396 00:19:25,244 --> 00:19:26,643 Bingah! 397 00:19:30,716 --> 00:19:34,718 "Pac-Man" game over sound. 398 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,253 Now, that my body's given up, 399 00:19:36,255 --> 00:19:40,523 maybe it's time for my spirit to quit, too. 400 00:19:40,525 --> 00:19:42,191 This is bullshit! 401 00:19:42,193 --> 00:19:43,593 Who's heckling me?! 402 00:19:43,595 --> 00:19:45,662 I'm trying to end this! 403 00:19:45,664 --> 00:19:47,330 It's not over! 404 00:19:47,332 --> 00:19:49,266 Stan? 405 00:19:49,268 --> 00:19:51,801 I'm sorry I made you feel bad about quitting. 406 00:19:51,803 --> 00:19:53,202 Quitting's not so bad. 407 00:19:53,204 --> 00:19:55,272 It means you have a curious mind. 408 00:19:55,274 --> 00:19:59,008 And you want to taste everything life has to offer. 409 00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:01,010 Plus, you never quit me. 410 00:20:01,012 --> 00:20:03,280 Even though you probably should have. 411 00:20:03,282 --> 00:20:05,682 I do stupid stuff. 412 00:20:05,684 --> 00:20:07,016 You do do stupid stuff. 413 00:20:07,018 --> 00:20:08,418 Shut the [bleep] up! 414 00:20:08,420 --> 00:20:11,755 Oh, Francine, I can't lose you. I need you! 415 00:20:11,757 --> 00:20:14,558 Stan... I got to end my show. 416 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,426 Don't do it. Don't go! 417 00:20:16,428 --> 00:20:18,027 If you all think this show's 418 00:20:18,029 --> 00:20:20,497 coming to some exciting conclusion, 419 00:20:20,499 --> 00:20:22,699 you haven't been paying attention. 420 00:20:22,701 --> 00:20:26,569 It ends like everything ends. 421 00:20:26,571 --> 00:20:29,706 With me quitting. 422 00:20:30,909 --> 00:20:32,909 Being in a coma! 423 00:20:32,911 --> 00:20:34,978 Geez! A little warning next time, Francine! 424 00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:37,046 - She's awake! - Mommy! 425 00:20:37,048 --> 00:20:39,849 I'm sorry, it's time to pull the plug 426 00:20:39,851 --> 00:20:41,985 and end this morbid charade. 427 00:20:41,987 --> 00:20:43,853 Your wife is never going to... 428 00:20:43,855 --> 00:20:45,054 Oh, she woke up! 429 00:20:45,056 --> 00:20:48,591 I did it again. I saved a life. Yes! 430 00:20:48,593 --> 00:20:50,059 But some sad news. 431 00:20:50,061 --> 00:20:52,595 Earlier today, Dusty Baker drowned 432 00:20:52,597 --> 00:20:55,198 in a giant fish bowl of his own creation. 433 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,034 No! 434 00:20:58,470 --> 00:21:00,237 Bye-bye! See you soon!