1
00:00:01,940 --> 00:00:04,174
You ever feel like
every day of your life
2
00:00:04,242 --> 00:00:06,254
has been leading up
to one moment?
3
00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,513
♪♪
The wedding of the century,
4
00:00:08,581 --> 00:00:11,232
♪♪
live on "Morning Mimosa!"
5
00:00:12,228 --> 00:00:14,546
Look how nervous
the groom looks.
6
00:00:15,176 --> 00:00:17,183
Wait. This is
a hamster wedding?
7
00:00:17,288 --> 00:00:18,771
Oh, here comes the bride.
8
00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:21,529
♪♪ She's radiant,
9
00:00:21,895 --> 00:00:25,103
like Kate Middleton
at Westminster Abbey!
10
00:00:25,303 --> 00:00:26,590
This is so stupid.
11
00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:28,594
This show is all fluff,
no substance.
12
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,863
Your mom prefers fluff.
It makes her happy.
13
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,864
But there's so much
real news out there.
14
00:00:32,951 --> 00:00:35,550
I feel like I get all I need
from "Morning Mimosa!"
15
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:37,226
and I start
my day with a smile.
16
00:00:37,294 --> 00:00:38,640
And that smile takes me
17
00:00:38,715 --> 00:00:41,383
all the way to
my 4:00 p.m. OxyContin.
18
00:00:41,451 --> 00:00:43,113
You need to
expand your mind.
19
00:00:43,181 --> 00:00:44,572
There's a lot of
real news out there,
20
00:00:44,639 --> 00:00:46,285
but you need to seek it out.
21
00:00:46,352 --> 00:00:49,852
Seek the truth.
The truth will set you free.
22
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,368
Hey, who are you?
23
00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:53,004
Mom needs to
get out of her bubble.
24
00:00:53,072 --> 00:00:54,220
And end up like you?
25
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,920
Look what real news
has done to you.
26
00:00:56,004 --> 00:00:57,955
- Excuse me? Sir?
- Those scowl lines.
27
00:00:58,023 --> 00:00:59,510
Mom looks 20 years
younger than you.
28
00:00:59,578 --> 00:01:00,903
- Sir!
- 20 years younger?!
29
00:01:00,971 --> 00:01:02,364
Wha... I'm 19!
30
00:01:02,432 --> 00:01:05,376
I now pronounce you
hamster and wife.
31
00:01:05,561 --> 00:01:07,433
Hayley, I have
something to tell you,
32
00:01:07,536 --> 00:01:09,336
but it can't
leave this room.
33
00:01:09,449 --> 00:01:12,042
Last weekend, I was
at that hamster's bachelor party
34
00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:13,710
in Key West, and he...
35
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,331
Oh, my God. I can't believe
I'm betraying his trust.
36
00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:18,218
He was not faithful.
37
00:01:18,316 --> 00:01:19,693
You missed
my birthday dinner
38
00:01:19,761 --> 00:01:21,838
for a hamster
bachelor party?
39
00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:24,748
♪♪
40
00:01:24,989 --> 00:01:28,049
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
41
00:01:28,127 --> 00:01:31,528
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
42
00:01:31,596 --> 00:01:34,580
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
43
00:01:34,668 --> 00:01:38,578
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
44
00:01:38,645 --> 00:01:40,794
♪♪
45
00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:44,142
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
46
00:01:44,210 --> 00:01:46,609
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
47
00:01:46,682 --> 00:01:48,082
Aah!
48
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,194
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
49
00:01:51,261 --> 00:01:53,009
*AMERICAN DAD*
Season 13 Episode 02 (TV Release: S15 E02)
Title: "Paranoid Frandroid"
Aired on : February 12, 2018.
50
00:01:55,405 --> 00:01:57,273
Welcome to
Conspiracy Con!
51
00:01:57,372 --> 00:02:00,220
Will you be paying with
untraceable bitcoin or...
52
00:02:00,349 --> 00:02:02,095
A big jar
of filthy change.
53
00:02:02,171 --> 00:02:03,557
Nice.
Keepin' it O.G.
54
00:02:03,625 --> 00:02:05,959
Now, here's your badge
and two pumps of deer urine
55
00:02:06,027 --> 00:02:08,391
to repel Bigfoot...
And a little CK One
56
00:02:08,459 --> 00:02:10,357
because now you
smell like piss.
57
00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:13,066
Roger,
who are these people?
58
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,980
They're here
for Conspiracy Con.
59
00:02:15,048 --> 00:02:17,476
They're truth seekers
looking for a safe haven
60
00:02:17,544 --> 00:02:18,962
from our
corporate overlords.
61
00:02:19,030 --> 00:02:20,337
Trust no one...
62
00:02:20,405 --> 00:02:21,910
except Verizon's
4G Network.
63
00:02:22,011 --> 00:02:24,269
I may have let a few
corporate overlords in.
64
00:02:24,431 --> 00:02:26,667
Lizard people have
infiltrated everything...
65
00:02:26,786 --> 00:02:29,735
The government,
sports, even Tinsel Town!
66
00:02:29,803 --> 00:02:30,869
Elizabeth Taylor?!
67
00:02:30,937 --> 00:02:33,338
You mean
"E-lizard-beth" Taylor?
68
00:02:33,406 --> 00:02:34,541
Ryan Gosling?
69
00:02:34,609 --> 00:02:36,019
Very lizard.
70
00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:37,673
They don't talk about
71
00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:39,860
any of this stuff
on "Morning Mimosa!"
72
00:02:39,940 --> 00:02:42,528
Paper towels are just
tall toilet paper.
73
00:02:42,934 --> 00:02:44,815
Is that man okay?
74
00:02:44,883 --> 00:02:47,818
Better than okay.
He's got the "truth twitch"!
75
00:02:47,886 --> 00:02:51,083
Right now he's seeing
the world as it truly is.
76
00:02:51,209 --> 00:02:53,220
I can help you see
the truth, too.
77
00:02:53,288 --> 00:02:54,960
Are you about
to sell me drugs?
78
00:02:55,028 --> 00:02:56,500
No. I need my drugs.
79
00:02:59,417 --> 00:03:02,616
Snot, this is gonna
be so amazing for you.
80
00:03:03,969 --> 00:03:05,104
As if.
81
00:03:05,172 --> 00:03:06,838
Of course I'll help!
82
00:03:06,992 --> 00:03:10,427
Got it.
"Chesterbrook..."
83
00:03:10,502 --> 00:03:11,748
Were you about to write
84
00:03:11,844 --> 00:03:13,622
"Chesterbrook Townhouses"?
85
00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:15,060
Uh... yeah.
86
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,960
Snot's mom is dating this guy,
Del, who lives there.
87
00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:20,709
And get this... he invited
them to move in!
88
00:03:20,777 --> 00:03:22,577
Del sounds like
a catch, bro.
89
00:03:22,645 --> 00:03:26,723
Chesterbrook is high end...
Nice landscaping, tennis courts,
90
00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,991
communal pool
with tons of noodles.
91
00:03:29,059 --> 00:03:30,752
Uh, you can help them
move with me.
92
00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:32,157
Oh, hell yes!
93
00:03:32,225 --> 00:03:34,789
I've been dying to get a peek
inside a Chesterbrook unit.
94
00:03:34,857 --> 00:03:37,131
But, remember,
we're there for Snot.
95
00:03:37,255 --> 00:03:39,482
Steve,
I am deeply offended.
96
00:03:39,574 --> 00:03:42,054
Have I ever not been
there for Snoot?
97
00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:49,080
Francine. Celery?
98
00:03:49,191 --> 00:03:51,019
Those better be
giant gummy celeries,
99
00:03:51,087 --> 00:03:52,957
or I'm gonna have
a full meltdown.
100
00:03:53,038 --> 00:03:55,579
Sorry, I didn't get
to the market yesterday.
101
00:03:55,647 --> 00:03:59,089
Stan, you'd tell me if
you were a lizard, right?
102
00:03:59,157 --> 00:04:00,223
Okay, I'll bite.
103
00:04:00,291 --> 00:04:01,776
What in God's name
are you talking about?
104
00:04:01,843 --> 00:04:04,619
Roger's hosting Conspiracy Con
in the attic.
105
00:04:04,687 --> 00:04:06,083
That's what's
going on up there?
106
00:04:06,151 --> 00:04:08,819
I assumed those creeps
were here for a Roger sex thing.
107
00:04:08,887 --> 00:04:11,921
Don't beat yourself up, Stan.
We're also having sex.
108
00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:15,448
The electro-radiation booth's
running low on foil.
109
00:04:15,527 --> 00:04:17,861
Those guys
use it for everything.
110
00:04:17,982 --> 00:04:21,463
The condoms hurt like hell, but
I'm not ready to be a mother.
111
00:04:22,037 --> 00:04:24,323
Francine, there are no
conspiracies.
112
00:04:24,446 --> 00:04:25,564
They're all fake junk.
113
00:04:25,639 --> 00:04:28,296
But what about
George Soros controlling
114
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,994
the Federal Reserve
from an underground bunker?
115
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,142
Shh! Francine,
he's Jewish.
116
00:04:33,210 --> 00:04:34,543
That's what
he should be doing.
117
00:04:34,611 --> 00:04:35,726
He's helping us.
118
00:04:35,794 --> 00:04:37,526
You're all worked up
over nothing.
119
00:04:37,594 --> 00:04:40,524
Oh, look! Almost time for
someone's favorite program.
120
00:04:40,592 --> 00:04:41,924
"Morning Mimosa!"?
121
00:04:41,992 --> 00:04:43,725
Mwah.
That's right.
122
00:04:43,793 --> 00:04:46,928
Just sit back and let
gentle morning infotainment
123
00:04:46,996 --> 00:04:48,389
fill your head.
124
00:04:48,457 --> 00:04:51,409
Up next, what our
frisky newlywed hamsters
125
00:04:51,477 --> 00:04:54,315
can teach you about
pleasing your lover in bed.
126
00:04:54,701 --> 00:04:57,301
Ooh! Stan!
You forgot your lunch!
127
00:04:57,369 --> 00:04:59,636
Oh, crap! The foil
got lost inside me.
128
00:04:59,704 --> 00:05:01,437
Francine, if you're
going to the store,
129
00:05:01,506 --> 00:05:03,882
pick me up some Plan B
and a magnet.
130
00:05:06,327 --> 00:05:09,502
In honor of
the "Great Snot" moving in,
131
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,988
I took the liberty
of stocking the fridge.
132
00:05:13,718 --> 00:05:15,516
Specialty sodas?
133
00:05:15,584 --> 00:05:17,051
Damn!
134
00:05:17,119 --> 00:05:19,480
Cucumber?
Toasted marshmallow?
135
00:05:19,591 --> 00:05:22,459
Hey, look, they take
all the eggs out of the carton
136
00:05:22,527 --> 00:05:25,280
and put them in the little
egg spots in the door.
137
00:05:25,348 --> 00:05:28,348
That's the Chesterbrook
difference.
138
00:05:33,605 --> 00:05:36,562
And the final stop
on the grand tour...
139
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,261
your new bedroom!
140
00:05:38,329 --> 00:05:40,344
Del wanted to convert
his home office,
141
00:05:40,412 --> 00:05:44,538
but I thought it might
get noisy next to our bedroom.
142
00:05:44,616 --> 00:05:48,780
Me have sex with
the Great Snot's mom?
143
00:05:48,899 --> 00:05:50,379
Uh, yes please.
144
00:05:52,076 --> 00:05:53,429
Del seems great.
145
00:05:53,512 --> 00:05:57,298
He is. It's just...
Isn't it a little depressing
146
00:05:57,373 --> 00:05:58,966
living in the basement?
147
00:05:59,143 --> 00:06:00,240
Are you serious?
148
00:06:00,308 --> 00:06:03,058
You have been given
a finished basement.
149
00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:06,125
It's like a blank canvas
to be awesome in.
150
00:06:06,193 --> 00:06:09,684
Just imagine... air-hockey
table, Jamaican flag,
151
00:06:09,752 --> 00:06:12,286
and an Aerosmith mirror
some older brother won
152
00:06:12,377 --> 00:06:15,778
at a carnival ring-toss before
he died in a car accident.
153
00:06:15,846 --> 00:06:18,655
You know, the classic basement!
154
00:06:18,723 --> 00:06:20,808
I guess
that does sound cool.
155
00:06:20,876 --> 00:06:22,849
Who cares if you think
it's cool, shithead?
156
00:06:22,941 --> 00:06:24,407
It's for the ladies!
157
00:06:24,475 --> 00:06:27,542
They can't resist
the power of a sweet basement.
158
00:06:27,610 --> 00:06:31,183
Then you add music,
maybe something like...
159
00:06:31,330 --> 00:06:33,709
♪ I tried so hard ♪
160
00:06:33,777 --> 00:06:35,977
♪ Unt got so far ♪
161
00:06:36,045 --> 00:06:38,167
♪ But in ze end ♪
162
00:06:38,252 --> 00:06:41,297
♪ It doesn't even matter ♪
163
00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:43,486
♪ One thing,
I don't know why ♪
164
00:06:43,608 --> 00:06:45,645
♪ It doesn't even matter
how hard you try ♪
165
00:06:45,713 --> 00:06:46,733
♪ Keep that in mind ♪
166
00:06:46,801 --> 00:06:48,678
♪ I designed this rhyme
to remind myself ♪
167
00:06:48,746 --> 00:06:51,280
♪ How I tried so hard ♪
♪ I tried so hard ♪
168
00:06:51,348 --> 00:06:52,796
♪ In spite of the way
you were mocking me ♪
169
00:06:52,863 --> 00:06:53,946
- ♪ Acting like I was part of ♪
- So,
170
00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:55,052
- ♪ your property ♪
- I guess...
171
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,259
- ♪ Remembering all the times ♪
- I'll go get the
172
00:06:56,326 --> 00:06:57,394
- ♪ You fought with me ♪
- stuff.
173
00:06:57,461 --> 00:07:00,286
- ♪ I'm surprised it got so far ♪
- ♪ It got so far ♪
174
00:07:02,027 --> 00:07:05,203
Trish, Sues, emergency
production meeting onstage!
175
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:11,568
Shh! The executive producer
is approaching the stage.
176
00:07:12,345 --> 00:07:15,680
So, I'm head honcho, and I still
have to open my own doors?
177
00:07:15,775 --> 00:07:17,307
Sorry, sir.
Y-Your coffee?
178
00:07:17,375 --> 00:07:18,487
It's too late.
You're fired.
179
00:07:20,432 --> 00:07:22,022
Wait. Gimme
that coffee first.
180
00:07:22,098 --> 00:07:24,032
Damn.
All right, team.
181
00:07:24,249 --> 00:07:26,399
Most of you know
I took over "Morning Mimosa!"
182
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:28,571
when I realized I could use it
to protect my wife
183
00:07:28,639 --> 00:07:30,699
from the harshness
of the real world.
184
00:07:32,428 --> 00:07:34,353
Why did Stan come here?
185
00:07:34,441 --> 00:07:36,441
Unfortunately,
Francine was exposed
186
00:07:36,509 --> 00:07:38,207
to some scary ideas yesterday,
187
00:07:38,275 --> 00:07:39,962
so we're gonna need to
turn up the fluff.
188
00:07:40,030 --> 00:07:42,297
I'm talking cute animals,
I'm talking makeovers,
189
00:07:42,390 --> 00:07:44,590
I'm talking 2-year-olds
who break-dance.
190
00:07:44,658 --> 00:07:48,336
Because if we don't, I fear her
ignorant, fragile mind and...
191
00:07:48,404 --> 00:07:51,101
If I'm being honest...
Her backwoods sensibilities
192
00:07:51,169 --> 00:07:52,706
will be thrown into upheaval.
193
00:07:53,611 --> 00:07:54,984
Francine?!
194
00:07:56,012 --> 00:07:58,479
Uh, you all know
my brilliant, stable wife,
195
00:07:58,641 --> 00:08:01,309
the sheer essence
of continental sophistication?
196
00:08:01,377 --> 00:08:04,544
You told me conspiracies
were fake junk,
197
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:08,826
but... but I'm
in a conspiracy.
198
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,568
And, Stan,
you put me there.
199
00:08:12,829 --> 00:08:15,199
This isn't a conspiracy.
I'm, uh...
200
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:16,827
I'm doing all these people.
201
00:08:16,895 --> 00:08:18,335
It's just an orgy.
202
00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:20,077
See?
203
00:08:26,814 --> 00:08:28,481
What exactly
did you hear?
204
00:08:28,580 --> 00:08:31,181
That you have been
secretly running
205
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:34,774
"Morning Mimosa" for years
to keep me in a bubble!
206
00:08:34,842 --> 00:08:36,885
And to also provide
a reliable lead-in
207
00:08:36,953 --> 00:08:38,478
for "The Young
and the Restless."
208
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,194
I can't trust you.
209
00:08:41,368 --> 00:08:43,910
I can't trust anything.
210
00:08:43,978 --> 00:08:47,032
The bubble...
has burst!
211
00:08:51,025 --> 00:08:52,152
Nice.
212
00:08:52,327 --> 00:08:55,494
Whoa-ho-ho!
Cool room, sport!
213
00:08:55,562 --> 00:08:58,773
Thanks, Dad.
Sorry, I mean "Del."
214
00:08:58,841 --> 00:09:01,939
No, it's okay.
You can call me "Dad."
215
00:09:02,592 --> 00:09:03,671
All right, Pops.
216
00:09:03,739 --> 00:09:05,339
Back upstairs.
217
00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:07,230
- Want to play darts?
- "Darts"?!
218
00:09:07,298 --> 00:09:09,487
I didn't pimp this
basement to play darts.
219
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:11,862
I know.
It's your make-out castle.
220
00:09:11,945 --> 00:09:14,479
Palace. And it's not mine.
It's Snot's.
221
00:09:14,624 --> 00:09:17,741
What we need right now is to get
some babes in this castle.
222
00:09:17,809 --> 00:09:19,131
See, you did say castle.
223
00:09:19,199 --> 00:09:20,879
Go get girls!
224
00:09:29,207 --> 00:09:31,677
I know they say
it's a dog-eat-dog world,
225
00:09:31,759 --> 00:09:33,358
but this is ridiculous.
226
00:09:33,545 --> 00:09:35,032
Good thing no one heard that.
227
00:09:35,524 --> 00:09:36,653
Francine!
228
00:09:36,721 --> 00:09:38,183
How much did you hear?
229
00:09:38,251 --> 00:09:39,898
Conspiracies
are real, Roger.
230
00:09:39,966 --> 00:09:41,479
I can trust no one.
231
00:09:41,810 --> 00:09:43,696
Would ya' look at that?
232
00:09:43,764 --> 00:09:45,436
Got yourself
a "truth twitch"!
233
00:09:45,504 --> 00:09:47,842
I can see so clearly!
234
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,554
My eyes are finally open!
235
00:09:50,622 --> 00:09:54,034
Oh, good. So you can
feast those peepers on this.
236
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:56,950
The spliiiits.
237
00:09:59,971 --> 00:10:03,073
All right, there's a group of
babes by the Noodle Chest.
238
00:10:03,141 --> 00:10:05,115
Work your magic.
239
00:10:05,483 --> 00:10:07,460
Whew,
it's warm out here!
240
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:12,720
Would you girls like to cool off
in a cold, dark basement?
241
00:10:13,838 --> 00:10:15,084
I'm sorry.
242
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,367
Wh-What my friend meant
to say is
243
00:10:17,789 --> 00:10:21,079
you girls'll fit in real nice
with the other treasures
244
00:10:21,147 --> 00:10:22,491
in his basement.
245
00:10:24,528 --> 00:10:25,804
Aah!
246
00:10:26,010 --> 00:10:28,697
Beat it, pervs.
We're going to my uncle's
247
00:10:28,765 --> 00:10:30,127
so he can take pictures of us...
248
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:33,471
Tasteful nudes to launch
our modeling careers.
249
00:10:35,596 --> 00:10:38,254
♪♪
250
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,923
♪♪
251
00:10:40,012 --> 00:10:43,413
Broadcasting live via
short wave from a little RV
252
00:10:43,481 --> 00:10:46,946
on planet truth,
this is... "Truth Planet."
253
00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:49,982
♪♪
254
00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:53,038
♪♪
255
00:10:53,148 --> 00:10:55,689
First of all, I want to say
hello to the government
256
00:10:55,772 --> 00:10:57,936
if you're listening...
Of course they are...
257
00:10:58,048 --> 00:11:00,891
And a quick shout-out
to Stamps.com
258
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:02,632
for sponsoring the show.
259
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,034
Show me the money.
260
00:11:05,107 --> 00:11:08,123
Today, we're going
to sit down with legendary
261
00:11:08,191 --> 00:11:10,147
Yeti hunter, Randy Ojai.
262
00:11:10,215 --> 00:11:13,883
But first, are we really
safe in our homes?
263
00:11:14,097 --> 00:11:15,844
Truth bomb.
264
00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:19,785
Take your kitchen.
265
00:11:19,909 --> 00:11:23,193
Toasters... what do we really
know about them?
266
00:11:23,289 --> 00:11:25,690
Does the bagel button
do anything,
267
00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:28,342
or does it just
put you on a list?
268
00:11:28,453 --> 00:11:31,185
Shabbat shalom.
269
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:33,617
You think you're safe
in the bathroom?
270
00:11:33,685 --> 00:11:34,952
Think again!
271
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,930
We all bring
our phones in there!
272
00:11:37,081 --> 00:11:41,124
The government hacks your
camera and boom, they gotcha.
273
00:11:41,246 --> 00:11:44,780
Hook, line, and stinkerrrr!
274
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,523
Francine!
275
00:11:49,172 --> 00:11:50,572
Come on, Francine!
276
00:11:50,659 --> 00:11:52,927
I know you're upset
I was controlling your mind
277
00:11:52,995 --> 00:11:54,034
with "Morning Mimosa."
278
00:11:54,102 --> 00:11:55,834
And I know it hurt
to find out your husband
279
00:11:55,929 --> 00:11:57,396
has six Daytime Emmys.
280
00:11:57,549 --> 00:12:00,351
Wait, are you jealous
of my monster success
281
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:02,656
in the notoriously fickle
11:00 A.M. slot?
282
00:12:02,766 --> 00:12:03,999
Well, you should be flattered.
283
00:12:04,088 --> 00:12:06,689
I may have dedicated
all six Emmys to my lawyer,
284
00:12:06,757 --> 00:12:08,757
the brilliant, ruthless
Irwin Klein,
285
00:12:08,832 --> 00:12:10,800
but I won them for you!
286
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,631
No babes?
287
00:12:14,699 --> 00:12:16,983
I've got this basement
pulsating with power,
288
00:12:17,051 --> 00:12:18,702
and you're wasting it, Steve!
289
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:19,889
Gah!
290
00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:22,003
Everything okay
down here?
291
00:12:22,101 --> 00:12:27,086
Oh, you turned this into
a darling little rumpus room.
292
00:12:27,245 --> 00:12:29,185
Yeah, it's pretty sick.
293
00:12:29,253 --> 00:12:31,036
Gosh, I haven't been
in a basement like this
294
00:12:31,104 --> 00:12:32,688
since high school.
295
00:12:33,585 --> 00:12:36,386
♪♪
296
00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:40,578
Ooh, this song.
It really takes me back.
297
00:12:43,247 --> 00:12:45,542
Did I ever tell you
about the summer
298
00:12:45,610 --> 00:12:48,927
I went on tour with
a Journey cover band?
299
00:12:49,776 --> 00:12:52,244
This is literally
the first time we've met.
300
00:12:52,404 --> 00:12:55,405
Mmm, air hockey?
301
00:12:55,512 --> 00:12:57,245
No thanks.
I don't feel like playing.
302
00:12:57,342 --> 00:13:00,877
Aw, you're gonna make
me play with myself?
303
00:13:00,972 --> 00:13:04,748
♪ Lovin', touchin', squeezin' ♪
304
00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:07,119
Oh, no.
The basement has her.
305
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,254
Listen to me.
306
00:13:08,322 --> 00:13:10,761
We must leave
this place right now!
307
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:17,196
♪ When I'm alone ♪
308
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:20,214
♪ All by myself ♪
309
00:13:20,322 --> 00:13:22,486
Oh, boy.
310
00:13:24,656 --> 00:13:26,219
Why so glum, chum?
311
00:13:26,287 --> 00:13:28,683
My wife found out
I was using "Morning Mimosa!"
312
00:13:28,751 --> 00:13:29,994
to control her mind.
313
00:13:30,062 --> 00:13:32,929
Marriage... It's a real
tightrope walk.
314
00:13:33,032 --> 00:13:34,768
Did you mention
your Daytime Emmys?
315
00:13:34,871 --> 00:13:36,112
No, I like
to play that cool.
316
00:13:36,222 --> 00:13:38,152
And now she doesn't
believe anything I say.
317
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:40,832
She's embraced all these
crazy conspiracy theories.
318
00:13:40,949 --> 00:13:42,872
UFOs and Bigfoot.
319
00:13:42,961 --> 00:13:44,232
Yeah, and she's
blabbing about them
320
00:13:44,299 --> 00:13:45,898
on some crackpot
radio show.
321
00:13:45,966 --> 00:13:47,780
Today she was going on about
how the government
322
00:13:47,848 --> 00:13:50,300
is watching us poop
through our cellphones.
323
00:13:50,603 --> 00:13:53,147
And she's broadcasting
this on the radio?
324
00:13:53,215 --> 00:13:54,965
I have to walk
to my office now.
325
00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:56,769
Goodbye.
Don't follow me.
326
00:13:58,168 --> 00:14:00,671
Project Toilet Cam
has been compromised.
327
00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:03,420
We need to eliminate
Francine Smith.
328
00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:13,682
This bank of monitors reminds me
of "The Brady Bunch."
329
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:18,060
Except all these people are
taking craps, not just Alice.
330
00:14:25,790 --> 00:14:27,457
I can't believe
no one's ever tried
331
00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:29,293
stretching the zombie gun
over here!
332
00:14:29,361 --> 00:14:30,601
The other one's
getting away!
333
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:32,107
Yank that
Sea-doo over here.
334
00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:33,941
Let's run
this **** down.
335
00:14:34,611 --> 00:14:35,744
Sir?
336
00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:38,454
Okay, are you in position
at Dave & Buster's?
337
00:14:38,522 --> 00:14:40,942
Yes, sir.
Stan is distracted and happy.
338
00:14:41,079 --> 00:14:42,833
You are clear
to eliminate Francine.
339
00:14:42,901 --> 00:14:43,961
Excellent!
340
00:14:44,029 --> 00:14:46,367
And I only mean that
professionally,
341
00:14:46,435 --> 00:14:48,807
not because I derive
some sexual pleasure
342
00:14:48,973 --> 00:14:50,190
from killing
my friend's wife,
343
00:14:50,258 --> 00:14:52,154
as you're
so heavily implying.
344
00:14:54,528 --> 00:14:56,991
I needed something like this
to forget about Francine.
345
00:14:57,082 --> 00:14:59,413
Wait, you told him
Francine's getting whacked?
346
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:01,014
Shut up, dumb-ass!
347
00:15:01,082 --> 00:15:02,215
What the hell
is going on?
348
00:15:02,283 --> 00:15:04,012
Dick's buying
me more nachos.
349
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,157
No, with Francine.
350
00:15:05,225 --> 00:15:07,295
Bullock
put a hit on her.
351
00:15:07,422 --> 00:15:10,258
My wife's getting killed,
and I'm at Dave & Buster's?
352
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,860
We were trying
to protect you!
353
00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:14,525
I don't need to be protected.
I can handle bad news.
354
00:15:15,858 --> 00:15:17,540
- We got to stop him!
- Whoa!
355
00:15:17,608 --> 00:15:18,889
♪♪
At Dave & Buster's,
356
00:15:18,957 --> 00:15:20,514
♪♪
we've got the slippinest-slidinest
357
00:15:20,582 --> 00:15:22,191
♪♪
nachos in the world!
358
00:15:22,259 --> 00:15:23,596
Mm-hmm.
359
00:15:23,711 --> 00:15:25,415
Don't eat 'em!
360
00:15:27,999 --> 00:15:29,192
It's too bad
we didn't get any
361
00:15:29,260 --> 00:15:31,318
sweet-ass girls
to come down to the basement.
362
00:15:31,386 --> 00:15:32,719
The girls will come.
363
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:37,149
For now, I've got a sweet-ass
man I can call Dad.
364
00:15:37,217 --> 00:15:39,170
That's a very mature
observation.
365
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:42,026
I think Del's already having
a great effect on you.
366
00:15:43,802 --> 00:15:45,412
We need to get
the**** out of here!
367
00:15:45,479 --> 00:15:47,479
I take you into my townhouse,
368
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,662
and this is how you repay me?!
369
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,173
It's not my fault, Del!
370
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,151
It was the basement!
371
00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:54,682
What did you do?
372
00:15:55,936 --> 00:15:57,576
Phew, thought this
was a gonner.
373
00:15:57,777 --> 00:16:00,459
All right. Let's beat it
before security gets here.
374
00:16:00,713 --> 00:16:02,621
You ruined it!
375
00:16:02,689 --> 00:16:06,801
You ruined it when you
sat on that fish's face!
376
00:16:07,070 --> 00:16:08,922
What's happening,
Steve?
377
00:16:14,505 --> 00:16:17,534
Yep, that's a wrap
on Chesterbrook!
378
00:16:17,860 --> 00:16:19,997
♪♪
379
00:16:20,222 --> 00:16:23,690
Let's keep it simple.
Kill Francine on three.
380
00:16:23,819 --> 00:16:25,301
One, two...
381
00:16:25,369 --> 00:16:26,408
St-o-o-o-o-p!
382
00:16:26,476 --> 00:16:28,818
Leave my wife alone!
383
00:16:32,828 --> 00:16:34,006
I won!
384
00:16:34,074 --> 00:16:36,340
For the last time,
I wasn't racing you
385
00:16:36,408 --> 00:16:38,438
and I clearly passed
the mailbox first.
386
00:16:38,506 --> 00:16:39,570
Sir, please...
387
00:16:39,638 --> 00:16:43,040
Smith, I don't want to go to war
with you and your goons!
388
00:16:43,196 --> 00:16:45,663
This is between me
and the woman who uncovered
389
00:16:45,737 --> 00:16:46,938
Project Toilet Cam.
390
00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:49,251
Compromising photos
of people on the toilet
391
00:16:49,319 --> 00:16:51,586
are the greatest
ass-et
392
00:16:51,672 --> 00:16:53,525
we have
against terrorism.
393
00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:55,011
What?
I don't follow.
394
00:16:55,079 --> 00:16:57,276
Think, Smith.
What's the most embarrassing
395
00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:59,293
thing you don't
want anyone to see?
396
00:16:59,361 --> 00:17:01,081
You leave my children
out of this!
397
00:17:01,152 --> 00:17:03,456
Remember the time
you ate poached salmon
398
00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:05,308
from an Amoco gas station?
399
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:09,796
Delete that!
I'll do anything you want!
400
00:17:09,864 --> 00:17:12,230
This is why I'm not
worried about ISIS.
401
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:13,706
Sir, we've searched
the premises.
402
00:17:13,774 --> 00:17:15,143
There's no sign
of Francine Smith
403
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,360
or the Winnebago
she was broadcasting from.
404
00:17:17,428 --> 00:17:19,546
All right team,
regroup at the CIA.
405
00:17:19,614 --> 00:17:22,716
We'll pick her up on satellite.
She can't hide for long.
406
00:17:22,907 --> 00:17:25,211
Release the satellite!
407
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:27,927
Great job!
408
00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:30,096
Guys, I talked
to the hunchback,
409
00:17:30,164 --> 00:17:31,831
and he's been
feeling isolated.
410
00:17:31,931 --> 00:17:35,065
Could you maybe make an effort
to be a little nicer to him?
411
00:17:35,186 --> 00:17:37,309
Charles!
Come over here!
412
00:17:37,461 --> 00:17:39,395
Here's a fresh herring
for everyone.
413
00:17:39,463 --> 00:17:41,076
Please, feed it
to the hunchback.
414
00:17:41,192 --> 00:17:45,035
So, did everyone catch
the game last night?
415
00:17:45,591 --> 00:17:47,067
Mm.
416
00:17:47,248 --> 00:17:48,387
I see you looking.
417
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:50,843
It's okay
to ask about the hump.
418
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,283
Hmm. One day.
419
00:17:55,388 --> 00:17:57,054
Roger, we got to
find Francine!
420
00:17:57,142 --> 00:17:59,142
Oh, she gon'!
When someone that paranoid
421
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:01,462
takes off, they always
head right off the grid.
422
00:18:01,612 --> 00:18:03,080
A grid runner.
423
00:18:03,218 --> 00:18:05,268
The first thing
she'll do is hide
424
00:18:05,336 --> 00:18:06,976
in a communication
dead zone.
425
00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:08,740
Needle in a haystack,
Stan.
426
00:18:08,859 --> 00:18:11,889
That's the nation's most
comprehensive 4G network.
427
00:18:11,981 --> 00:18:13,952
This ain't Cricket Wireless
we're talking about.
428
00:18:14,020 --> 00:18:15,553
Verizon's the big dog.
429
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,094
Big dogs got to eat.
430
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,118
Is Verizon paying me
to say any of this?
431
00:18:19,186 --> 00:18:20,652
There!
432
00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:27,467
I'm down to one bar.
Spread out.
433
00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:33,847
No signal.
I'm off the grid.
434
00:18:33,917 --> 00:18:38,319
Aah!
435
00:18:38,487 --> 00:18:39,753
Huh.
436
00:18:39,851 --> 00:18:41,642
Francine,
we need to leave!
437
00:18:41,710 --> 00:18:43,377
The CIA
is coming to kill you!
438
00:18:43,445 --> 00:18:46,543
I'm supposed to believe
you're telling me the truth now?
439
00:18:46,614 --> 00:18:49,100
Look, I'm sorry I didn't think
you could handle the real world,
440
00:18:49,168 --> 00:18:51,127
and for executive producing
a hit daytime show
441
00:18:51,195 --> 00:18:53,923
- to hide it from you.
- Because I'm too fragile?
442
00:18:54,042 --> 00:18:55,332
That's what I told myself.
443
00:18:55,432 --> 00:18:57,499
But when the guys
did it to me today,
444
00:18:57,567 --> 00:18:59,233
I realized they were
being selfish,
445
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:02,020
just keeping me happy
to make their lives easier.
446
00:19:02,088 --> 00:19:03,752
What were they
hiding from you?
447
00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:05,698
The fact that the CIA's
gonna kill you!
448
00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:07,725
So one of my theories
was right!
449
00:19:07,879 --> 00:19:09,925
- Which was it?
- It was the toilet cams.
450
00:19:09,993 --> 00:19:11,100
Really?
451
00:19:11,168 --> 00:19:13,016
Not that Papa John
and Peyton Manning
452
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:15,484
had a sexual relationship
for 17 years?
453
00:19:17,393 --> 00:19:19,795
Francine Smith,
surrender yourself!
454
00:19:19,863 --> 00:19:22,621
Look, I shouldn't be trying
to shield you from things,
455
00:19:22,689 --> 00:19:24,221
no matter
how bad they are.
456
00:19:24,295 --> 00:19:27,038
I should be getting through
them with you... Together.
457
00:19:27,137 --> 00:19:29,151
How are we gonna
get through this?
458
00:19:29,219 --> 00:19:31,210
- Do you trust me?
- I do.
459
00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:33,383
Great. Now, I know
this is your bear trap
460
00:19:33,451 --> 00:19:34,659
so I don't want you
to take it personally
461
00:19:34,726 --> 00:19:35,945
when I say that I hate it.
462
00:19:36,013 --> 00:19:37,480
It feels awful.
463
00:19:37,867 --> 00:19:40,673
Hold your fire!
I'd to propose a deal!
464
00:19:40,741 --> 00:19:41,856
Of course.
465
00:19:41,924 --> 00:19:45,821
Kindly step out of the line
of fire to the negotiating area.
466
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,110
Aah!
467
00:19:50,235 --> 00:19:52,994
N-o-o-o!
Francine!
468
00:19:55,158 --> 00:19:57,213
What have you done?!
469
00:19:57,281 --> 00:19:59,500
I saved America!
470
00:19:59,568 --> 00:20:02,869
Take the weekend
to grieve!
471
00:20:04,572 --> 00:20:05,705
Mmm.
472
00:20:05,794 --> 00:20:07,660
This isn't
part of the plan.
473
00:20:07,923 --> 00:20:10,007
No one's gonna believe
I'm Francine's corpse
474
00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:11,617
unless they see us
having sex.
475
00:20:11,685 --> 00:20:13,555
All right, that's enough.
476
00:20:14,454 --> 00:20:15,920
Let's make a deal.
477
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:19,005
From now on,
no more lies between us.
478
00:20:19,137 --> 00:20:21,516
Right.
And no more conspiracies.
479
00:20:21,686 --> 00:20:23,835
Well,
one more conspiracy.
480
00:20:26,595 --> 00:20:29,530
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
481
00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:32,457
I can't believe Stan brought
a date to his wife's funeral.
482
00:20:32,544 --> 00:20:34,355
What a baller!
483
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,169
Yeah, and he certainly
has a type...
484
00:20:38,343 --> 00:20:41,299
Blonde, beautiful,
and named Francine.
485
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,619
And now,
the Chesterbrook Quartet
486
00:20:43,687 --> 00:20:46,987
will perform Dead Francine's
favorite song.
487
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:51,511
♪♪
488
00:20:51,824 --> 00:20:55,408
♪♪
Sync corrections by srjanapala
489
00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:57,210
♪ It starts with ♪
490
00:20:57,278 --> 00:20:58,372
♪ One thing! ♪
491
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,453
Bye!
Have a beautiful time!