1 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,737 Tomorrow's Big Trash Day, 2 00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:05,973 the garbage men's favorite day of the year. 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,243 But this is Big Trash Eve -- my time, 4 00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:11,212 when the streets are lined with gold! 5 00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,047 Isn't all this stuff broken? 6 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,916 What's broken about a mirrored headboard with a crack in it? 7 00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,418 A toilet with no seat? 8 00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:18,719 Most of a hose? 9 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,322 Ooh! What's that? 10 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,924 This might be the last big TV. 11 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,226 It's so deep. 12 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,995 I have to get this home it's so deep. 13 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,863 [ Grunting ] 14 00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:31,399 So heavy. 15 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,601 So splintery. 16 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,437 All the weight is distributed so oddly. 17 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:37,705 This, I like. 18 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:40,174 This speaks to me. 19 00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,343 Mm. Nice, loud springs. 20 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,678 Baby lambs on a soiled comforter. 21 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,714 And hello! 22 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,284 Dare I? 23 00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:52,086 [ Squish ] Perfect fit! 24 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,787 Stan, you can finally take me back 25 00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,956 to The Green Burrito without having to worry. 26 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,691 Ugh. Green Burrito. 27 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,293 No, thank you. 28 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,862 ♪♪ 29 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,465 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 30 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:08,302 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 31 00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:11,439 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 32 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:15,809 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 33 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:21,115 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 34 00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:23,551 ♪ Good -- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 35 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:24,618 Aah! 36 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:30,291 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 37 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,426 Daddy's home with street treasures. 38 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,395 No. No more trash. 39 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,497 This stuff isn't trash -- unless you think 40 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:39,967 a brand-new-to-us dehumidifier is trash. 41 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,735 It is trash. 42 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,637 That's outrageous. 43 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,973 Well, what about an electric fondue pot? 44 00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:49,243 Splice a few wires, bingo-bango, hot cheese on tap. 45 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,678 I don't like fondue. 46 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,013 That's outrageous. 47 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,015 But what about this stunner? 48 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,950 Some dirty-ass mattress? 49 00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:58,519 Stop being outrageous. Look. 50 00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,489 There's a beautiful Spanish word painted on it. 51 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,691 It's like a Diego Rivera painting. 52 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:05,993 We don't want any of this stuff. 53 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:09,197 Seems like you're all missing the big picture. 54 00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:13,201 A beautiful 34-inch picture. 55 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,135 They don't make 'em like this anymore, gang. 56 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,871 It's the new biggest piece of furniture in the house. 57 00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:19,873 The couch has been put on notice. 58 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,442 -Ohh. -Aww. 59 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,011 He's so cute. 60 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:26,314 [ Sighs ] He's a baby now? 61 00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,216 [ Cooing ] 62 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:30,984 Son of a bitch! He is cute! 63 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,288 [ All gasp ] 64 00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:37,124 I will never let anything bad happen to you. 65 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,892 Okay, fun is fun, but I must insist 66 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:40,961 that we now focus on the TV. 67 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,731 That thing can't stay in here. It could fall on the baby. 68 00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:46,534 Maybe it should fall on the baby. 69 00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:55,276 I'll never understand the weight distribution. 70 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:02,583 [ Scoffs ] Fake baby. 71 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,386 This TV is what's real -- real fun. 72 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,588 What's this smushed into the cable input? 73 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,490 Hmm. Dog shit. 74 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,591 I'll use the antenna. 75 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,861 What a blast. 76 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:17,598 It's a party down here. 77 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,367 Hmm. No signal. 78 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,902 Let's try the old splits. 79 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,103 Nothing. 80 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,772 Do a little scissor kick. 81 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,106 Side saddle? 82 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,542 Nope. Now the one people don't like to see, 83 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,110 but sometimes it works. 84 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:33,180 Both of them together straight up! 85 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,348 Hmm. 86 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,417 [ Yawns ] 87 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:40,220 Shh. Don't wake up the ba-- 88 00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:43,056 [ Door slams, Roger crying ] 89 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,559 Everyone's doing stupid stuff except me. 90 00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:54,268 [ Jazzy piano music playing ] 91 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:59,607 ♪♪ 92 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:04,945 ♪♪ 93 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:08,449 [ Elevator bell dinging ] 94 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:11,485 [ Elevator bell dings ] 95 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:12,953 Welcome, nighthawks. 96 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:16,590 We've been expecting you. 97 00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:19,460 The hour's late, but the party is just getting started. 98 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,094 I'm Alistair Covax, 99 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:25,333 your host for a sophisticated little soiree with jazz, 100 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:28,602 stimulating conversation, beautiful ladies, 101 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:31,004 and more jazz. 102 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,340 Hmm. 103 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:33,941 Look. It's Charlie, 104 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,777 sincerely one of the best white, non-union jazz pianists 105 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,146 in the entire city -- top five. 106 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:42,249 Charlie, play some of those notes you know I like. 107 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,117 [ Jazzy piano music playing ] 108 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,119 What is this show? 109 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,488 [ Keypad clicking ] 110 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:49,790 No results for Alistair Covax. 111 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,692 "Nighthawks' Hideaway." 112 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,662 Nothing. Why is there no record of this show? 113 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,096 I need answers. 114 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,631 TV answers. 115 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,635 [ Elevator bell dings, telephone ringing ] 116 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:04,805 The star's of "Hawaii Five-O" are in a prank war! 117 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,708 You think "Wheel of Fortune" is on at 8:00? 118 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,477 You're fired! 119 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,712 -What, what, what?! -I recently came into possession 120 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,448 of a deep TV -- no need to congratulate me -- 121 00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:18,118 and I saw a 1960s show called "Nighthawks' Hideaway." 122 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,853 There's no such show. 123 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,689 There's never been such a show. 124 00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,525 But every few months, some lonely nutjob 125 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,360 comes in asking about it. 126 00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:28,896 Oh, trust me. I am not a nutjob. 127 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,831 Good. Good. 128 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,367 Word is these nutjobs get together 129 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:35,869 at the Ukrainian Cultural Center 130 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,872 to talk about this show that doesn't exist. 131 00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:40,408 Cultural Center, huh? 132 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,175 I mean, I saw the show with my own eyes, 133 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,578 but nutjobs like that make me sick. 134 00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:46,980 Me too, pal. You get it. 135 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,082 Someone should round these nutjobs up, 136 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:51,885 put them in a locked cage, and just drop it in the sea. 137 00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:54,588 Well, I don't know about that. 138 00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:57,591 ♪♪ 139 00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,693 Hopefully these people can give me some answers. 140 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,263 Hi, Stan! 141 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,165 Sit. Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. 142 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:08,068 Uh... 143 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,771 So, you've seen the show. 144 00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:13,006 Yeah. Strange there's no record of it. 145 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,608 It gets stranger than that. 146 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,276 There's only one episode, 147 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:19,246 and it reruns over and over and over on Channel 36. 148 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,515 And get this. Come closer. Come closer. 149 00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,751 No, thank you. 150 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:27,120 There's only one episode, but it changes -- 151 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:30,357 little things, little differences in the show. 152 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,959 I keep track of them. 153 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,193 Where's everybody else? 154 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,695 There used to be more people, 155 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,130 but one by one, they stopped coming. 156 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,299 It's so good to have you here, Stan. 157 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,201 It's not just me anymore. 158 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,471 It's you and me cracking the case 159 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,305 of the "Nighthawks' Hideaway." 160 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:48,308 We're the same now -- two men obsessed. 161 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:51,311 Ooh! It's like I'm looking in a mirror! 162 00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,646 No, thank you. 163 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:58,085 Sometimes when the jazz is playing, I like to do this. 164 00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:02,055 I move my chin just a little. 165 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,091 [ Jazzy piano music playing ] 166 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,426 This strange show. 167 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:09,262 You stop bothering Stan! 168 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:11,465 Is -- Is that -- 169 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,767 It couldn't be. 170 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:14,935 Tuttle? 171 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,004 No. That's impossible. 172 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,672 Wow! Great jazz! 173 00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:21,274 Shh. We're appreciating the jazz. 174 00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:24,144 Oh, this jazz is so good! 175 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:31,685 Covax: Let me ask you something, Stu. 176 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:36,023 Two years in, are we any better off with Hawaii a state? 177 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:39,593 If the Ruskies got control of that lava -- 178 00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:41,261 game over. 179 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,997 How can Tuttle be on this old show? 180 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,499 [ Doorbell rings ] 181 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,368 Huh. No sign of Tuttle. 182 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,938 But maybe -- 183 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,840 Every time. 184 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:01,314 Ugh. What is that smell? 185 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:06,219 [ Sniffs ] 186 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,989 They're both contributing. 187 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,724 There's a beauty. 188 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,529 "I must go in!" 189 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,802 A shadow puppet theater of sorts. 190 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,237 I wish I had time for such childish games. 191 00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,006 Duck! Duck, duck! 192 00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:31,044 May I hold baby Roger? 193 00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:32,546 Make sure to support his head. 194 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,347 Yeah, no shit. 195 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,750 [ Cooing ] 196 00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:38,919 You guys are not gonna believe where Tuttle is. 197 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,689 Come downstairs. 198 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,390 I don't know why it's not coming in now. 199 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,926 I saw him. Tuttle was inside the TV! 200 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:50,330 Stan, you're down here by yourself watching static. 201 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,733 I can watch static upstairs. 202 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,434 Why don't you come upstairs, Dad? 203 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,570 Yeah, aren't you lonely down here? 204 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,906 Lonely?! I have a TV! 205 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,576 So itchy. 206 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:05,212 Probably those fleece pajamas I've been wearing. 207 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:08,415 Tonight, I sleep on this mattress naked. 208 00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,117 Let me put it to you straight. 209 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:14,688 Do you think the country is becoming...feminized? 210 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:17,457 I think that is you, Tuttle. 211 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,727 But how? What did you figure out? 212 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,562 Undoubtedly. The TV dial is overrun 213 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,297 with the female agenda. 214 00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:26,767 And my new book, "I Loathe Lucy," 215 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,236 is about putting these hysterical sapphos 216 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,604 back in their box. 217 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,539 A tremendous read. 218 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,241 Shall we jazz? 219 00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,076 I thought you'd never ask. 220 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:39,312 ♪♪ 221 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,781 Welcome, nighthawks. 222 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,150 We've been expecting you. 223 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:46,286 The hour's late, but the party is just getting started. 224 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:49,289 Do you think the country is becoming...feminized? 225 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,791 Let me put it to you straight. 226 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,793 Do you think the country is becoming -- 227 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,261 Do you think the country is becoming -- 228 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:57,731 Do you think the country is becoming...feminized? 229 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,266 Do you think the country is becoming -- 230 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,101 Do you think the country is becoming -- 231 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,503 Do you think the country is becoming...feminized? 232 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,506 Undoubtedly. The TV dial is overrun... Look. It's Charlie. 233 00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,408 -...with the female agenda. -Welcome, nighthawks. 234 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,678 And my new book, "I Loathe Lucy," 235 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,245 is about putting these hysterical sapphos... 236 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,081 -A tremendous read. -...back in their box. 237 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,949 Shall we jazz? 238 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:20,487 ♪♪ 239 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,522 [ Roger crying, door opens ] 240 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:23,691 [ Door opens ] 241 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,258 Steve: What are you doing, Mom?! 242 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,127 We said we'd check on him every 10 minutes! 243 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,361 It's only been 3! 244 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:29,830 Francine: Sleep training is cruel. 245 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,331 I want to pick him up! [ Door opens ] 246 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,133 Hayley: You're both wrong. We need to give -- 247 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,836 -We're not giving him weed! -It's a micro-dose 248 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,671 to help him sleep. [ Door opens ] 249 00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:40,473 Klaus: We need to get in there! He's afraid of the dark! 250 00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,843 Covax: Oh. Leaving so soon? 251 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,544 Well, our party keeps going. 252 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:48,148 So, if it gets lonely out there in the wee, small hours, 253 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,050 remember, nighthawks, 254 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,786 you always have a friend here at the Hideaway. 255 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,287 ♪♪ 256 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,789 [ Static ] 257 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,257 There must be something I missed. 258 00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:06,066 ♪♪ 259 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,701 [ Grunts ] 260 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:10,470 ♪♪ 261 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,072 [ Gasps ] 262 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,540 Hmm. 263 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:15,308 Cannonball! 264 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,676 [ Elevator bell dings ] 265 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:19,079 [ Jazzy piano music playing ] 266 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,548 Welcome, nighthawk. 267 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,717 We've been expecting you. 268 00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:25,585 I'm in the TV! 269 00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,687 I'm so relieved I'm not crazy! 270 00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:30,223 It was just a magic TV, that's all. 271 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:33,526 Yes, please. 272 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,229 Charlie, play some of those notes you know I like. 273 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:38,698 What the hell is that floating light? 274 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,734 Tuttle! 275 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,669 Stan? 276 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,371 I remember you. 277 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,106 Of course. You remember me. I'm -- I'm like 278 00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:49,509 -your all-time favorite person. -Oh, it's the rerunning. 279 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,944 We just keep rerunning. 280 00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:52,445 I remember less each time. 281 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,614 I'm forgetting my life, Sam! 282 00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,549 Tuttle, relax. You don't like it here, 283 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,351 -let's just go. -We can't. 284 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,220 We're trapped here forever. 285 00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:03,056 Ooh. Does forever include this weekend? 286 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,958 'Cause the BET Awards are on. 287 00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,726 Young Man: BET Awards? 288 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,295 I remember those. 289 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,197 Those are from the future. 290 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,698 I need to get back to the future. 291 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,934 [ Gasps ] "Back to the Future"! 292 00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,568 I love that movie! 293 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,104 And Michael J. Fox! 294 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,471 He was so great! 295 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:21,775 Then [Gasps] that thing happened to him. 296 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,911 Oh, then the Towers. 297 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:26,479 Then that pretty good Denis Leary firemen show. 298 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:29,282 I need to get back to my time! 299 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,785 It's not lighting up. It's not lighting up! 300 00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,887 Oh, boy. 301 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,823 He'll pay for that at commercial time. 302 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,557 What happens at commercial? 303 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:41,061 Technical Director: And we're clear to commercial. 304 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:44,164 [ Covax snarling, roaring ] Young Man: No! Please don't! Don't eat me! 305 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,498 Stan: Yuh-oh. No! 306 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,268 No-o-o-o!! Oh, boy. 307 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:49,970 Sounds bad. [ People whimpering, murmuring ] 308 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,572 Technical Director: We're on in 3, 2 -- 309 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,008 [ Jazzy piano music playing ] 310 00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:57,077 Oh, God. He's gone. 311 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,346 It's a good thing I'm clearly irreplaceable 312 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,481 and integral to the show. 313 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:07,587 [ Slow piano music playing ] 314 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:11,358 ♪♪ 315 00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:15,495 Charlie, now how about something a little harder? 316 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:19,432 Here's a rowdy little number called "Volcano Blast Freakout." 317 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:23,136 [ Slow piano music continues ] 318 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,138 Hot, hot, hot. 319 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,841 Did you hear that guy say, "Don't eat me"? 320 00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,877 That makes me think Alistair ate him. 321 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:32,980 He doesn't like it when people mess up his show. 322 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,548 You having a nice time, Stan? 323 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,717 [ Chuckles nervously ] You know my name. That's cool! 324 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,219 Hey, what is this place? 325 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:42,722 This is a party, baby, and parties are fun. 326 00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:46,726 So when the camera's on, you will make nice conversation, 327 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,728 you will keep a drink in hand, 328 00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:51,731 and you will listen to and love 329 00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:55,068 every bit of jazz you hear. 330 00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:57,037 But I like swamp rock. 331 00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,006 -No. -What if we want to leave? 332 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,740 Leave? Why? 333 00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:02,242 You're with other nighthawks, 334 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:05,578 solo creatures who enjoy mature pleasures. 335 00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,080 Face it, Stan. 336 00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,416 -You're a sensualist. -I know. 337 00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:10,750 But I have a family. 338 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,519 Do you, now? 339 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,853 Yeah, I do. 340 00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:16,689 It's just hard to remember their names. 341 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,759 I told you. I told you. 342 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,528 Francine, Hayley, Steve, Klaus, 343 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,096 Roger. Good, good. 344 00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:24,998 Come on, Tuttle. We can't forget. 345 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:27,534 I can't remember my family. 346 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,336 -You don't have one. -Oh. 347 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,172 Don't worry. I still have my family. 348 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,207 We got to get out of here. 349 00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:36,443 But how? You saw that guy. 350 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:39,379 We can't call the elevator. 351 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:41,748 Maybe we don't have to. 352 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,750 [ Elevator bell dinging ] 353 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,785 [ Jazzy piano music playing ] 354 00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,956 [ Elevator bell dings ] 355 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,290 Welcome -- Pardon. Pardon. Excuse me. 356 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,359 -Excuse me. Excuse me. -I'm with him. 357 00:14:52,392 --> 00:15:00,233 ♪♪ 358 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:08,141 ♪♪ 359 00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:10,243 I think we got away! 360 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,381 It's all fake! 361 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,216 Let's try the soup. 362 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,651 That's how you can tell if it's a real diner. 363 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,287 We're still on the show. 364 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,388 Stan, look! 365 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,490 The tree! 366 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:26,393 Follow the color! 367 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,494 This is the way home! 368 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:31,231 Langley Falls, here we come! 369 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,966 And maybe there was something appealing 370 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,667 about that bachelor vibe. 371 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:37,637 Because, boy, the family was driving me nuts. 372 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,506 You wouldn't know what that's like, but trust me. 373 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,175 I pretend my fingers are my family -- 374 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,177 Mama Thumb always nagging, 375 00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:46,679 Uncle Index with the corny jokes. 376 00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,115 What can I say? 377 00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,916 They're a handful! 378 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,185 [ Swamp rock music playing ] Stan: ♪ I got Francine 379 00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:53,620 ♪ I got Steve 380 00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,655 ♪ Uh, I got Harley 381 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,757 ♪ I got Clark, I want to say Bruce ♪ 382 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:58,958 Take it, Tuttle! 383 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,660 Tuttle: ♪ I got no one 384 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,295 Take it, Stan! 385 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:05,198 ♪♪ 386 00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:07,267 Welp, see you around the neighborhood, Tuttle, old boy. 387 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,503 Yeah. I should get going, too. 388 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,339 Oh, yeah. You have nobody. 389 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,041 Turn off the car, you idiot. 390 00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,276 You're coming inside, you big, fat idiot. 391 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,710 [ Gasps ] You mean it? 392 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,646 Yeah. You live with me now. 393 00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,614 I'll convert the shed into a room for you. 394 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,684 -I won't insulate it. -Stan, I have a house. 395 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:27,054 It's nothing. You'll sleep on some old car batteries. 396 00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,488 I won't hear another word. 397 00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:30,657 Now come watch me hug my family. 398 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,360 Beloved ones, I'm home! 399 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,195 [ Jazzy piano music playing ] 400 00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:37,030 Welcome back, nighthawks. 401 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,698 We've been expecting you. 402 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:43,870 ♪♪ 403 00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:47,307 Oh, no. I'm gonna forget them forever. 404 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:55,148 ♪♪ 405 00:16:55,182 --> 00:17:02,922 ♪♪ 406 00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:10,763 ♪♪ 407 00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,600 Have you heard the new hi-fi's with the quadraphonic sound? 408 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,436 They're really the best for listening to jazz. 409 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:19,739 It sounds like, "Skeedle-dee-deep-do-bop-do-bop, 410 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:24,077 scoop-doop, sly-gar, flarga-marga, smee-boo." 411 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:26,179 A man can't be himself in the kitchen. 412 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,348 It's not his domain. 413 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:32,385 But what about when he gets hungry, and she's not there? 414 00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:35,788 Well, the space-age wet bar of tomorrow 415 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:38,057 can satisfy his hunger. 416 00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:40,960 A Rumaki-Maker-Matic, folks. 417 00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:44,131 Just plug it in, load the hopper with chicken liver, 418 00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:47,066 and within minutes, nuclear-hot hors d'oeuvres 419 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,535 plop out all over 420 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,771 this green tray that looks like a cabbage. 421 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,474 -Ah! -Ooh! 422 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,476 Now, picture it. It's 11:15. 423 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,278 You're at the Sands. 424 00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:01,881 Frank Sinatra's overflow girls are starting to get hungry. 425 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,484 They say they want melted cheese and lots of it. 426 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,953 Time for fondue. 427 00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,288 Fondue. 428 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,989 With an electric fondue set, 429 00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:11,991 it's fast, it's easy and clean, 430 00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:14,093 and lets you eat more cheese 431 00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:16,629 more quickly than ever before. 432 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,598 Fondue! Fondue. 433 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,133 Electric fondue! 434 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,101 Bingo-bango, hot cheese on tap! 435 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,003 My wife! My wife, Fondue! 436 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,905 No, Fondine. Francine! 437 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:29,842 I remember Francine, and, oh, how she loved her fondue! 438 00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:30,977 Tuttle! Wake up! 439 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,679 -[ Screaming ] -Francine! 440 00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,181 Hayley! Steve! 441 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,416 Klaus! Roger! 442 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:37,950 I'm not a nighthawk! 443 00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,986 I want my family! 444 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,291 We're going to take a commercial break, 445 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,627 and when we return, I promise the party will be... 446 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,529 back on track. 447 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:50,863 Stan, are you okay? 448 00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,366 You're wearing the wall like a hat. 449 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,667 Whoa. 450 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,804 ♪♪ 451 00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,139 I came in through the static. 452 00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:02,008 This is the way out! 453 00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,711 ♪♪ 454 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,013 Technical Director: And we're clear to commercial. 455 00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:10,283 ♪♪ 456 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:11,818 [ Snarling ] 457 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,820 ♪♪ 458 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,488 [ Continues snarling ] 459 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:24,864 ♪♪ 460 00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:28,167 [ Tapping ] 461 00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:30,570 [ Gasps ] 462 00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,038 Let go of me, you monster! 463 00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:34,841 Tuttle: Ow! Stan, you're kicking my face! 464 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:38,911 ♪♪ 465 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,513 Oh! We're safe. 466 00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:41,548 He can't get past the -- 467 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:42,849 [ Covax roars ] 468 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,217 [ Both scream ] 469 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,353 [ Screaming ] 470 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:49,222 ♪♪ 471 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,627 [ Singsong voice ] Look what I did! 472 00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:57,397 Where the hell have you been? 473 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:58,898 I almost went down there. 474 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:01,434 Family! Oh, sweet family! 475 00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:03,703 I want you to know that I haven't forgotten you, 476 00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:05,238 even if I came close. 477 00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:09,108 I'm here now, and I want to do what you want to do. 478 00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,944 I want to raise this child. 479 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:14,046 -Daddy's here. -I'm not doing that anymore. 480 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,348 Thank God. [ Thud ] 481 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,183 [ Both grunting ] 482 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:22,389 ♪♪ 483 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:27,560 ♪♪ 484 00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:29,028 Poor bastard. 485 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,197 Feels good to have things back to normal. 486 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,799 -Stan? -Whaddup? 487 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:37,537 Have you heard the new hi-fi's with quadraphonic sound? 488 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,406 They're the best hi-fi's for... 489 00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,574 -Ja-a-a-zz. -Ja-a-a-zz. 490 00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:44,143 No. No! No! 491 00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:46,446 No-o-o-o! 492 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:49,115 Announcer: That's right! "American Dad!" is now a show that exists 493 00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:54,487 on TV in the basement of the family of "American Dad!" 494 00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:56,088 Another great episode. 495 00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:58,825 So long, nighthawks. 496 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:02,161 ♪♪ 497 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,130 Bye! Have a beautiful time!