1 00:00:02,693 --> 00:00:04,926 Ah, Saturday afternoon TV, 2 00:00:04,928 --> 00:00:07,863 where the sneaky networks hide all the good shows -- 3 00:00:07,865 --> 00:00:09,965 A guy with question marks on his suit 4 00:00:09,967 --> 00:00:11,500 yelling tax secrets at me, 5 00:00:11,502 --> 00:00:13,268 "Rick Steves: Gloryholin' Europe," 6 00:00:13,270 --> 00:00:15,570 and of course, the secret final episode 7 00:00:15,572 --> 00:00:17,005 of "Caroline in the City." 8 00:00:18,642 --> 00:00:21,443 Now the city is mine! 9 00:00:23,247 --> 00:00:25,146 Still holds up! 10 00:00:25,148 --> 00:00:27,682 11 00:00:27,684 --> 00:00:29,684 ♪ I'll be ready ♪ 12 00:00:29,686 --> 00:00:31,086 ♪ I'll be ready ♪ 13 00:00:31,088 --> 00:00:33,488 ♪ Never you fear ♪ 14 00:00:33,490 --> 00:00:35,924 ♪ No, don't you fear ♪ Well, suck me off through a hole 15 00:00:35,926 --> 00:00:37,325 and call me Rick Steves, 16 00:00:37,327 --> 00:00:38,293 what is this?! 17 00:00:38,295 --> 00:00:39,261 It's "Baywatch." 18 00:00:39,263 --> 00:00:40,795 You've never seen "Baywatch"? 19 00:00:40,797 --> 00:00:42,197 Do you like this, Roger? 20 00:00:42,199 --> 00:00:44,733 Franny, I like the smell of gasoline. 21 00:00:44,735 --> 00:00:46,801 I like to play with Stan's dingaling 22 00:00:46,803 --> 00:00:47,836 while he sleeps. 23 00:00:47,838 --> 00:00:49,971 This. This, I love! 24 00:00:49,973 --> 00:00:51,473 Wait, wha-- what was that second thing? 25 00:00:51,475 --> 00:00:52,774 Why were you keeping 26 00:00:52,776 --> 00:00:55,243 the exciting world of lifeguards from me?! 27 00:00:55,245 --> 00:00:57,012 I'm watching upstairs! 28 00:01:01,718 --> 00:01:03,552 Guys, we have huge news! 29 00:01:04,788 --> 00:01:06,421 We're going to start trying for a baby! 30 00:01:08,659 --> 00:01:10,525 Steve, you're gonna be an uncle! 31 00:01:12,696 --> 00:01:13,962 And what will I be? 32 00:01:13,964 --> 00:01:18,266 Oh, Klaus, you'll be...nearby. 33 00:01:18,268 --> 00:01:21,670 And, Dad, you're gonna be a grandpa! 34 00:01:22,673 --> 00:01:23,705 Dad? 35 00:01:23,707 --> 00:01:25,240 Dad, where are you going? 36 00:01:28,111 --> 00:01:30,245 How'd you get this car so fast? 37 00:01:30,247 --> 00:01:32,547 I got it at Off Screen Motors. 38 00:01:32,549 --> 00:01:34,549 Hey! No cameras! 39 00:01:34,551 --> 00:01:36,051 We're never on camera! 40 00:01:36,053 --> 00:01:38,620 Honey, why are you upset? 41 00:01:38,622 --> 00:01:40,922 I'm excited about being a grandmother! 42 00:01:40,924 --> 00:01:42,057 Of course you are. 43 00:01:42,059 --> 00:01:44,526 Society celebrates women as they age. 44 00:01:44,528 --> 00:01:45,860 It's different for men. 45 00:01:45,862 --> 00:01:48,196 Aging just means we're closer to death. 46 00:01:48,198 --> 00:01:49,898 And I've got too much to live for. 47 00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:51,232 I own a Corvette! 48 00:01:51,234 --> 00:01:53,535 Me too! 49 00:01:53,537 --> 00:01:56,738 I just turned the same age as my dad when he died! 50 00:02:00,410 --> 00:02:02,711 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 51 00:02:02,713 --> 00:02:06,581 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 52 00:02:06,583 --> 00:02:09,684 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 53 00:02:09,686 --> 00:02:14,389 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 54 00:02:16,059 --> 00:02:19,427 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 55 00:02:19,429 --> 00:02:22,197 ♪ Good -- ♪ ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 56 00:02:22,199 --> 00:02:30,338 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 57 00:02:30,974 --> 00:02:32,140 What's all this? 58 00:02:32,142 --> 00:02:33,875 I felt bad about how I reacted 59 00:02:33,877 --> 00:02:35,510 to your wonderful news yesterday. 60 00:02:35,512 --> 00:02:38,446 So I'm cooking breakfast for my sweet daughter. 61 00:02:38,448 --> 00:02:39,848 Aww, thanks, Dad. 62 00:02:39,850 --> 00:02:42,851 or should I say... "Grandpa". 63 00:02:45,155 --> 00:02:46,721 Fresh squeezed O.J.?! 64 00:02:46,723 --> 00:02:47,856 Great! 65 00:02:47,858 --> 00:02:49,891 I've never tried it blended! 66 00:02:49,893 --> 00:02:51,292 Enjoy! 67 00:02:53,570 --> 00:02:55,363 You know, Stan, 68 00:02:55,365 --> 00:02:57,132 Tropicana makes an O.J. pre-mixed with birth control -- 69 00:02:57,134 --> 00:02:59,968 Country style, tons of pulp. 70 00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:02,003 Mmm. You gotta drink it with a fork. 71 00:03:02,005 --> 00:03:03,338 To cover all my bases, 72 00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:06,074 I've got something special planned for Jeff. 73 00:03:06,076 --> 00:03:08,109 Also, most flavors of Go-Gurt 74 00:03:08,111 --> 00:03:10,578 can double as a pubic lice shampoo. 75 00:03:12,382 --> 00:03:14,449 Jeff, I wanted to take you out to dinner 76 00:03:14,451 --> 00:03:17,152 to celebrate your efforts to impregnate my daughter. 77 00:03:17,154 --> 00:03:19,421 It's not that much of an effort, Mr. S. 78 00:03:19,423 --> 00:03:23,258 I just lie on top of her and flop around like a fish. 79 00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:24,526 Great. 80 00:03:24,528 --> 00:03:25,760 Excellent. 81 00:03:25,762 --> 00:03:27,862 And here we are at the restaurant! 82 00:03:30,634 --> 00:03:32,167 This place looks fancy. 83 00:03:32,169 --> 00:03:33,568 I'm not sure I can afford it. 84 00:03:33,570 --> 00:03:35,336 Well, Jeff, I've never known you to pay for anything, 85 00:03:35,338 --> 00:03:37,806 but it's interesting that you still pretend to try. 86 00:03:37,808 --> 00:03:39,207 That's why I bought a wallet. 87 00:03:39,209 --> 00:03:41,843 Well, you bought me the wallet. 88 00:03:41,845 --> 00:03:43,745 You know what I'm talking about -- 89 00:03:43,747 --> 00:03:45,613 the wallet! Yes, the wallet, Jeff. 90 00:03:45,615 --> 00:03:48,450 The wallet. So, you know, so I can go like this. 91 00:03:48,452 --> 00:03:49,718 I can reach for it. 92 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,352 Yes, yes, that's the move, Jeff. 93 00:03:51,354 --> 00:03:52,554 That's the move. 94 00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,023 Wonderful. 95 00:03:58,192 --> 00:04:00,192 Steve, you're giving away all 96 00:04:00,194 --> 00:04:02,361 of your popular trademarked toys?! 97 00:04:02,363 --> 00:04:05,698 Yep, my GI Joels, my Trans-Changers, 98 00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:09,668 My "My Tiny Baby Horse," Warm Wheels, 99 00:04:09,670 --> 00:04:11,203 Lettuce Field Gang doll, 100 00:04:11,205 --> 00:04:14,140 My Pre-teen Radiated Judo Bullfrogs, 101 00:04:14,142 --> 00:04:17,176 Giggle-Me-Elmer, Theo Ruxberg. 102 00:04:17,178 --> 00:04:18,277 Even my Smorfs. 103 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:20,246 All classics. 104 00:04:20,248 --> 00:04:22,014 So, why are you getting rid of them? 105 00:04:22,016 --> 00:04:23,415 Well, I'm gonna be an uncle. 106 00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:26,152 So it's time to put away my childish things. 107 00:04:26,154 --> 00:04:30,089 Things such as Leegos, Malibu Barbara, 108 00:04:30,091 --> 00:04:31,624 Affection Bears. 109 00:04:31,626 --> 00:04:34,193 Plus, of course, there's the matter of my board games -- 110 00:04:34,195 --> 00:04:37,296 Slides and Stepstools, Connect Three, 111 00:04:37,298 --> 00:04:42,234 Starving Starving Rhinos, Scrapple, Guess Whom, 112 00:04:42,236 --> 00:04:45,704 Front-gammon, Unincorporated Candy Township. 113 00:04:45,706 --> 00:04:48,707 As you can see, I take being an uncle very seriously. 114 00:04:48,709 --> 00:04:50,142 I totally get it. 115 00:04:50,144 --> 00:04:53,379 I take my family role very seriously too. 116 00:04:53,381 --> 00:04:55,314 You know -- being "nearby." 117 00:04:55,316 --> 00:04:57,216 Oh, Klaus. 118 00:04:57,218 --> 00:04:59,285 Were you there when she said that? 119 00:05:00,721 --> 00:05:03,422 Last warning, guys -- no glass in the swimming area. 120 00:05:03,424 --> 00:05:04,890 Uh, this is my bedroom. 121 00:05:04,892 --> 00:05:08,227 To us lifeguards, the whole world is a swimming area. 122 00:05:08,229 --> 00:05:10,829 See you nutsacks by the pool later. 123 00:05:10,831 --> 00:05:12,031 Aah. 124 00:05:12,033 --> 00:05:15,634 Get help... you nutsacks. 125 00:05:16,871 --> 00:05:20,306 So, pretty sweet they gave us a private dining room, huh? 126 00:05:20,308 --> 00:05:23,442 But why do you think the maître d' shaved my junk? 127 00:05:23,444 --> 00:05:25,377 This is an Italian restaurant. 128 00:05:25,379 --> 00:05:27,980 - Oh! - Hello, Mr. Fischer. 129 00:05:27,982 --> 00:05:30,482 I see you're prepped. Now, this procedure -- 130 00:05:30,484 --> 00:05:32,384 No need to hear the specials, my good man. 131 00:05:32,386 --> 00:05:33,619 We know what we want. 132 00:05:33,621 --> 00:05:34,887 I think I'll have the spaghetti. 133 00:05:34,889 --> 00:05:36,355 Spaghetti? 134 00:05:36,357 --> 00:05:38,791 Jeff, never order out what you can make at home. 135 00:05:38,793 --> 00:05:42,127 I mean, okay, the sauce is sometimes amazing, that's true. 136 00:05:42,129 --> 00:05:44,230 And fresh pasta -- Can't beat that. 137 00:05:44,232 --> 00:05:46,098 You know what? I talked myself into it. 138 00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,533 Make it two spaghettis. 139 00:05:47,535 --> 00:05:49,068 How big is your minestrone? 140 00:05:49,070 --> 00:05:51,937 Is this man not aware he's here for a medical procedure? 141 00:05:51,939 --> 00:05:55,374 Can you tell me a little bit more about your "colonoscopy"? 142 00:05:55,376 --> 00:05:56,909 Is that spicy? 143 00:05:56,911 --> 00:06:00,946 I'm sorry, but I can't operate on a man this stupid. 144 00:06:35,916 --> 00:06:38,017 Wait! Stop! Stop! 145 00:06:38,019 --> 00:06:40,419 What are you doing? These are my opening credits. 146 00:06:40,421 --> 00:06:41,687 Oh, sorry. 147 00:06:41,689 --> 00:06:43,689 I was just taking out the garbage. 148 00:06:43,691 --> 00:06:46,592 Did I mess things up? Franny, be honest. 149 00:06:46,594 --> 00:06:49,762 Do you think I have what it takes to be a sexy lifeguard? 150 00:06:49,764 --> 00:06:50,663 Roger... 151 00:06:50,665 --> 00:06:53,499 I don't know what's happening. 152 00:06:56,270 --> 00:06:58,470 Rough day at work? Work? 153 00:06:58,472 --> 00:07:00,172 Oh, yeah. I should have gone to work. 154 00:07:00,174 --> 00:07:02,841 I'm just so distracted by this grandfather stuff. 155 00:07:02,843 --> 00:07:06,312 Oh, Stan, I hoped you were over that silliness. 156 00:07:06,314 --> 00:07:08,614 Well, no matter. It's out of our hands now. 157 00:07:08,616 --> 00:07:09,982 What are you talking about? 158 00:07:09,984 --> 00:07:12,718 Jeff and Hayley just left for a romantic vacation 159 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,920 to the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas. 160 00:07:14,922 --> 00:07:18,290 Oh, man. Dudes get it in at Atlantis. 161 00:07:18,292 --> 00:07:19,491 We have to go to the Bahamas. 162 00:07:19,493 --> 00:07:20,959 We do? Yeah. 163 00:07:20,961 --> 00:07:23,529 We need to be supportive and help them in any way we can. 164 00:07:23,531 --> 00:07:25,464 If we want to support Hayley in this, 165 00:07:25,466 --> 00:07:27,566 we should take her to the dog track. 166 00:07:27,568 --> 00:07:29,902 That always gets my motor revvin'. 167 00:07:29,904 --> 00:07:34,673 Seein' all those dogs run real fast. 168 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,975 So, you're saying I'm obsessed with stopping Hayley 169 00:07:39,977 --> 00:07:41,309 from having a baby 170 00:07:41,311 --> 00:07:43,178 because of my relationship with my grandparents? 171 00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:44,679 Ridiculous! 172 00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:47,649 They were nice people who grew older and smaller and weaker 173 00:07:47,651 --> 00:07:49,217 until I found them both dead. 174 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,653 I only asked if you wanted an ocean view. 175 00:07:51,655 --> 00:07:53,555 And let them fishes see me while I sleep? 176 00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:56,524 - Uh, no, thank you. - Where'd you get that doughnut? 177 00:07:56,526 --> 00:07:58,526 I got it on the Welcome Pastry Cart. 178 00:07:58,528 --> 00:07:59,894 Where'd you get that wine? 179 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,596 My suitcase. 180 00:08:01,598 --> 00:08:02,697 Whoa. 181 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,422 Dad?! 182 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:29,190 D-Dad, what are you doing here? 183 00:08:29,192 --> 00:08:30,959 You forgot your orange juice. 184 00:08:30,961 --> 00:08:34,162 Ugh. What is that pink scum on top? 185 00:08:34,164 --> 00:08:37,265 That means this orange juice is for a girl. 186 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,934 Dad, this was supposed to be a romantic getaway. 187 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,302 I've got my partner... 188 00:08:41,304 --> 00:08:43,938 Chug, chug! Chug, chug! 189 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,374 So, where's yours? He's in the Jacuzzi. 190 00:08:46,376 --> 00:08:49,811 Do you dare me to put my wiener in the jet? 191 00:08:49,813 --> 00:08:51,279 I do. 192 00:08:55,585 --> 00:08:57,585 Hey, sluggers! I'm Mark! 193 00:08:57,587 --> 00:08:59,587 I run the Kidz Klub for the hotel. 194 00:08:59,589 --> 00:09:01,589 You cool dudes should join us. 195 00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:03,992 We're making a hippo boat out of milk cartons. 196 00:09:03,994 --> 00:09:05,760 Mark, Mark, Mark. 197 00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:08,196 Looks like you got a great thing going here, Mark. 198 00:09:08,198 --> 00:09:11,032 A week ago, I'd be rooting around your Kidz Klub 199 00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:12,367 like a pig in shit. 200 00:09:12,369 --> 00:09:14,369 However, I'm about to be an uncle. 201 00:09:14,371 --> 00:09:18,139 So I'm looking for something a little more mature. 202 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,942 Oh. I see. 203 00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:24,245 Well, if you change your mind, we'll always be here for you! 204 00:09:24,247 --> 00:09:26,481 Don't bring that desperation to my boy. 205 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,550 He's about to be an uncle. 206 00:09:28,552 --> 00:09:31,386 You're a freakin' joke, buddy. 207 00:09:31,388 --> 00:09:35,790 Huh! That's what I thought. 208 00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:39,360 You know, this whole resort feels like a Kidz Klub to me. 209 00:09:39,362 --> 00:09:41,062 This isn't the real Bahamas. 210 00:09:41,064 --> 00:09:42,297 Yeah, I was feeling that, too, 211 00:09:42,299 --> 00:09:44,766 but you really put a bow on it. 212 00:09:44,768 --> 00:09:47,802 Klaus, if I want to give worldly uncle advice, 213 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,704 I got to get out in the real world. 214 00:09:49,706 --> 00:09:53,041 Didn't they say it's dangerous outside of the resort? 215 00:09:53,043 --> 00:09:55,376 Those warnings are for kids, Klaus. 216 00:09:58,882 --> 00:10:01,416 ♪ 217 00:10:32,449 --> 00:10:34,782 I don't know why you're doing what you're doing, 218 00:10:34,784 --> 00:10:35,884 but it has to stop. 219 00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:38,186 Hayley, I didn't want to have to do this, 220 00:10:38,188 --> 00:10:40,188 but I forbid you from having a baby. 221 00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:41,756 I'm too young to be a grandfather. 222 00:10:41,758 --> 00:10:43,691 Well, don't worry about it. You're never gonna be one. 223 00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:45,527 Ah, what a relief. 224 00:10:45,529 --> 00:10:48,029 Hey, what do you say you and me go pet that manta ray? 225 00:10:48,031 --> 00:10:49,531 Because... 226 00:10:49,533 --> 00:10:53,401 when I have a baby, you won't be part of its life. 227 00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:58,439 Hey! No running on the pool deck! 228 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,775 Did I get her? 229 00:11:00,777 --> 00:11:02,544 Nope. 230 00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,483 Rough one, too? 231 00:11:08,485 --> 00:11:12,153 I'm miserable, even though I've achieved every actor's dream -- 232 00:11:12,155 --> 00:11:15,123 performing in a hotel water show. 233 00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:17,325 It's a show about animal cruelty. 234 00:11:17,327 --> 00:11:20,361 I play the villain, Animal Strangling Johnson, 235 00:11:20,363 --> 00:11:23,598 while Tyler gets to play the hero, Ranger Ron. 236 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,832 You don't know what it's like 237 00:11:24,834 --> 00:11:28,002 to have 200 people boo you every night. 238 00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,537 The most boos I've ever gotten 239 00:11:29,539 --> 00:11:32,607 was like 60, maybe 70 people. 240 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:36,010 I would do anything to get to play Ranger Ron. 241 00:11:36,012 --> 00:11:37,812 Anything. 242 00:11:37,814 --> 00:11:39,180 I get it. 243 00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:42,884 I would do anything to keep my daughter and son-in-law 244 00:11:42,886 --> 00:11:44,118 from having a baby. 245 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,820 Even murder? 246 00:11:45,822 --> 00:11:47,388 - What? - Eight Coronas, Jimmy. 247 00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:49,023 Oh, hey, Stan. 248 00:11:49,025 --> 00:11:51,759 Us lifeguards are having a big bonfire on the beach later. 249 00:11:51,761 --> 00:11:53,995 You should come. But don't bring that guy. 250 00:11:53,997 --> 00:11:56,898 He strangles animals. Boo! 251 00:11:56,900 --> 00:12:00,168 Talking to you reminds me of a fun idea I had once. 252 00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:02,637 Does it? You're not having that effect on me. 253 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:07,242 Now, let's say that you'd like to kill off your son-in-law. 254 00:12:07,244 --> 00:12:08,843 This isn't the fun idea, then? 255 00:12:08,845 --> 00:12:11,346 But you can't, because you'd get caught. 256 00:12:11,348 --> 00:12:13,047 But let's say, hypothetically, 257 00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:16,050 two fellas with no connection at all meet up, 258 00:12:16,052 --> 00:12:17,418 and they swap murders -- 259 00:12:17,420 --> 00:12:19,220 hypothetically, of course. 260 00:12:19,222 --> 00:12:20,788 Do you know what "hypothetically" means? 261 00:12:20,790 --> 00:12:24,058 Let's say... hypothetically, I do. 262 00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:26,661 We good? I think so? 263 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,429 But do not kill my son-in-law. 264 00:12:28,431 --> 00:12:30,098 I can't be any more clear about that. 265 00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:33,334 You got it. Great. 266 00:12:34,404 --> 00:12:36,137 You know, I was just thinking about it, 267 00:12:36,139 --> 00:12:37,772 and the fact that you winked at me 268 00:12:37,774 --> 00:12:40,575 makes me think that you might... 269 00:12:40,577 --> 00:12:42,076 want to sleep with me. 270 00:12:42,078 --> 00:12:43,511 And although I'm flattered, 271 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:46,314 and maybe even a little bit curious, 272 00:12:46,316 --> 00:12:48,116 um, I am a happily married man. 273 00:12:48,118 --> 00:12:51,286 And, um, I'm gonna have to say... 274 00:12:51,288 --> 00:12:53,321 no. 275 00:12:55,425 --> 00:12:58,259 Did you say something? 276 00:12:58,261 --> 00:13:00,428 Okay. 277 00:13:03,566 --> 00:13:07,535 So, your story is that you just walked away 278 00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,270 from the Atlantis Resort? 279 00:13:09,272 --> 00:13:11,139 Yes, th-- That's right. 280 00:13:11,141 --> 00:13:13,641 Could I get a glass of water? It's very humid. 281 00:13:13,643 --> 00:13:17,445 You expect me to believe that you left seven pools, 282 00:13:17,447 --> 00:13:20,948 a casual dining bistro, and a turquoise shop? 283 00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:23,851 That's everything a little boy could dream of... 284 00:13:23,853 --> 00:13:27,755 unless that little boy is a D.E.A junior agent! 285 00:13:27,757 --> 00:13:30,591 What? The D.E.A wouldn't even have jurisdiction down here. 286 00:13:30,593 --> 00:13:34,395 Mr. D.E.A. quoting from the D.E.A handbook. 287 00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,531 Kill them and feed them to the pigs. 288 00:13:36,533 --> 00:13:38,433 Aah! Please don't kill me! 289 00:13:38,435 --> 00:13:39,867 I'm gonna be an uncle! 290 00:13:39,869 --> 00:13:43,371 Wait. You're going to be an uncle? 291 00:13:43,373 --> 00:13:45,239 Why didn't you say so? 292 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,308 I am an uncle myself. 293 00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:49,077 I'm gonna be the best uncle ever. 294 00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,445 Next to me. 295 00:13:50,447 --> 00:13:53,214 My niece is so cute. She can't say "mosquito." 296 00:13:53,216 --> 00:13:54,615 She says "momito." 297 00:13:54,617 --> 00:13:57,218 "Uncle Drake, I am covered in momito bites." 298 00:13:59,489 --> 00:14:02,757 You know, I've been looking for an uncle type 299 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,593 to step up in my organization. 300 00:14:06,863 --> 00:14:08,996 Joining a violent drug gang. 301 00:14:08,998 --> 00:14:10,264 I don't know. 302 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,767 Raising a child is expensive. 303 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:15,269 A rich uncle could really help out. 304 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:17,872 Listen to your fish. Hmm. 305 00:14:17,874 --> 00:14:20,441 You're not gonna sell this to any white people, are you? 306 00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,009 Not directly. 307 00:14:22,011 --> 00:14:23,611 I'm in! 308 00:14:25,882 --> 00:14:29,517 Who's texting me this early? 309 00:14:32,589 --> 00:14:36,190 "Whoa! How about you just chill?" 310 00:14:36,192 --> 00:14:37,892 Surfer emoji. 311 00:14:37,894 --> 00:14:40,695 Should I put a snowflake on there to really sell the chill? 312 00:14:40,697 --> 00:14:42,730 _ 313 00:14:43,304 --> 00:14:44,481 _ 314 00:14:44,601 --> 00:14:47,602 Oh, God. I got to find Jeff! 315 00:14:49,038 --> 00:14:50,438 Where am I? 316 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,206 A hotel room! 317 00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:55,443 You're getting a lot better at drinking, Francine. 318 00:14:58,456 --> 00:15:00,156 Jeff's not in his room. 319 00:15:00,158 --> 00:15:02,825 All right, if I'm gonna find him, I've got to think like him. 320 00:15:02,827 --> 00:15:06,696 Okay, I'm a 20-year-old stoner trying to bang my daughter. 321 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,465 Where would I go? 322 00:15:09,467 --> 00:15:11,434 Donny! Wait! 323 00:15:12,837 --> 00:15:15,138 Aah! My back! 324 00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:21,077 Oh! Oh! 325 00:15:21,079 --> 00:15:22,311 My cart! 326 00:15:22,313 --> 00:15:24,580 My grandfather's pastry cart! 327 00:15:24,582 --> 00:15:26,349 You promised me we would find 328 00:15:26,351 --> 00:15:28,551 a better life here on the island! 329 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,920 I should have married Guiseppe. 330 00:15:30,922 --> 00:15:34,691 Guiseppe! 331 00:15:34,693 --> 00:15:36,859 ♪ 332 00:15:37,829 --> 00:15:39,429 Now, be careful out there, girls. 333 00:15:39,431 --> 00:15:41,898 I can handle losing a few grams of product. 334 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,966 I don't know what I'd do if I lost one of you. 335 00:15:43,968 --> 00:15:45,134 - Aww. - Aww. 336 00:15:45,136 --> 00:15:46,636 Now I'll quit jibber-jabbering 337 00:15:46,638 --> 00:15:49,972 and let you girls stuff those coke condoms up your asses. 338 00:15:49,974 --> 00:15:53,609 Great work, Shazmayne. You too, Sydney. 339 00:15:53,611 --> 00:15:55,812 Mateo, buddy, what's wrong? 340 00:15:55,814 --> 00:15:58,514 Where's that famous Mateo smile? 341 00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:00,917 Mateo's smile hides today. 342 00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,585 Well, that's no good. 343 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,987 Want me to buy you a poster of the planets? 344 00:16:04,989 --> 00:16:06,656 No, Mr. Uncle Steve. 345 00:16:06,658 --> 00:16:08,758 It's just, uh, well, 346 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,094 M-Mr. Klaus -- He's sort of -- 347 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,495 Sort of what?! 348 00:16:12,497 --> 00:16:15,198 First, I told you I want to be called Razor. 349 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,400 How hard is that to remember? 350 00:16:17,402 --> 00:16:19,635 Maybe you need a little reminder... 351 00:16:19,637 --> 00:16:21,237 every time you dance! 352 00:16:21,239 --> 00:16:22,171 Ha! 353 00:16:22,173 --> 00:16:23,906 Um, Razor. A word. 354 00:16:23,908 --> 00:16:26,175 You've been acting a little erratic lately. 355 00:16:26,177 --> 00:16:28,077 I know. It's terrible. 356 00:16:28,079 --> 00:16:30,079 I think I know what it might be. 357 00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:34,484 Gah. I feel, like, super-disconnected from the family. 358 00:16:34,486 --> 00:16:37,120 I mean, Hayley said that thing about me being "nearby," 359 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,988 and it got me spinning out, and I feel like -- Hold on. 360 00:16:40,391 --> 00:16:41,991 I feel like I'm trying to make the gang a new family, 361 00:16:41,993 --> 00:16:43,377 but the "Razor" thing? 362 00:16:43,379 --> 00:16:44,846 mean, it's just -- just not a home run yet. 363 00:16:44,848 --> 00:16:46,981 What? Ridiculous! 364 00:16:46,983 --> 00:16:48,950 You're "the Razor"! 365 00:16:48,952 --> 00:16:50,852 That means something around here. 366 00:16:50,854 --> 00:16:52,353 Maybe just a little less coke, 367 00:16:52,355 --> 00:16:54,121 a little less threatening people's toes. 368 00:16:54,123 --> 00:16:56,123 Who says I'm doing too much coke?! 369 00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:59,427 Okay, shoes on, everyone. Razor's in one of his moods. 370 00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:05,032 Here you go, old-timer. 371 00:17:06,536 --> 00:17:09,170 Got to find Jeff. 372 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,139 Hey! 373 00:17:12,141 --> 00:17:13,608 Where'd you get that popsicle? 374 00:17:13,610 --> 00:17:15,176 Is that a Rocket Pop? 375 00:17:15,178 --> 00:17:17,178 They told me they were out. 376 00:17:19,115 --> 00:17:20,648 Damn it, Roger! My ears! 377 00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:21,916 Bitch got my pop! 378 00:17:21,918 --> 00:17:23,484 Eh? 379 00:17:28,191 --> 00:17:30,925 Give us back our ball! Eh? 380 00:17:30,927 --> 00:17:32,927 God, I hate old people. 381 00:17:32,929 --> 00:17:34,061 Get him! 382 00:17:34,063 --> 00:17:35,863 Eh? 383 00:17:35,865 --> 00:17:37,231 No! 384 00:17:44,340 --> 00:17:47,541 It has come to my attention 385 00:17:47,543 --> 00:17:50,278 that we're light on product this month. 386 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,313 Someone is ripping me off! 387 00:17:52,315 --> 00:17:53,915 Who do you think it is? 388 00:17:53,917 --> 00:17:55,416 My money's on Mateo. 389 00:17:56,486 --> 00:17:58,019 Just give me the word, and I'll cut him. 390 00:17:58,021 --> 00:17:59,487 I'll do it in the town square. 391 00:17:59,489 --> 00:18:02,456 That way, everyone knows who runs this island. 392 00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:05,092 Shut up! I know it was one of you two. 393 00:18:05,094 --> 00:18:08,963 And you're both going to die. 394 00:18:08,965 --> 00:18:13,734 I knew it was a mistake to mix business and uncles. 395 00:18:15,571 --> 00:18:18,205 I told you we'd always be here for you, Steve! 396 00:18:18,207 --> 00:18:20,074 Glue guns now, gang! 397 00:18:25,515 --> 00:18:27,048 Way to go, P.J.! 398 00:18:27,050 --> 00:18:29,150 We're all helping equally. 399 00:18:29,152 --> 00:18:30,618 Come on, Steve. 400 00:18:33,656 --> 00:18:36,257 I didn't know Kids Klub was so bad-ass! 401 00:18:36,259 --> 00:18:39,560 You know, I've never lost a kid. 402 00:18:41,230 --> 00:18:44,932 You're amazing, Mark! 403 00:18:44,934 --> 00:18:47,535 Mmm! Mmmmm! 404 00:19:08,825 --> 00:19:09,924 Jeff! 405 00:19:09,926 --> 00:19:12,193 Aah! 406 00:19:12,195 --> 00:19:13,394 Kids, look! 407 00:19:13,396 --> 00:19:15,529 That's Animal Strangling Johnson! 408 00:19:15,531 --> 00:19:16,597 Donny, catch! 409 00:19:22,238 --> 00:19:23,971 What the hell is going on, Dad? 410 00:19:23,973 --> 00:19:26,474 I'm so sorry for being such an idiot. 411 00:19:26,476 --> 00:19:29,143 I thought I was too young to be a grandfather. 412 00:19:29,145 --> 00:19:32,546 But now I realize young is the best time to do it. 413 00:19:32,548 --> 00:19:34,915 If I wait too long to have grandchildren, 414 00:19:34,917 --> 00:19:36,484 they're gonna drown me in a pool. 415 00:19:36,486 --> 00:19:39,587 Come to think of it, that's how I killed my grandfather. 416 00:19:39,589 --> 00:19:42,156 I'm a little confused. What's happening? 417 00:19:42,158 --> 00:19:44,525 What's happening is that I'm giving you two 418 00:19:44,527 --> 00:19:46,327 my blessing to have children. 419 00:19:46,329 --> 00:19:48,963 Aww. Thanks, Dad. 420 00:19:55,038 --> 00:19:56,504 Glad you came around, Stan. 421 00:19:56,506 --> 00:19:58,406 That's gonna be one hell of a baby. 422 00:19:58,408 --> 00:19:59,807 Thanks, Roger. Yep. 423 00:19:59,809 --> 00:20:01,375 Half human, half alien. 424 00:20:01,377 --> 00:20:04,245 Gonna be one gorgeous splice baby. 425 00:20:04,247 --> 00:20:05,513 What are you talking about? 426 00:20:05,515 --> 00:20:07,515 Oh, yeah. You don't remember. 427 00:20:07,517 --> 00:20:10,918 Isn't it ironic that I forget that your minds were erased? 428 00:20:12,155 --> 00:20:14,555 Anyway, Jeff's brain is in an alien body. 429 00:20:14,557 --> 00:20:16,123 It was a whole thing in space. 430 00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:18,492 And nobody but me knows. And now you. 431 00:20:18,494 --> 00:20:21,629 And the guy who's behind us who won't stop eavesdropping! 432 00:20:21,631 --> 00:20:23,798 We know you're not asleep, buddy. 433 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,600 Sorry. I'm just naturally curious. 434 00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:28,569 Wow, Jeff. That was amazing. 435 00:20:28,571 --> 00:20:31,338 Look, Mr. S.! I fell in the toilet! 436 00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:35,810 Are you sure about this? 437 00:20:35,812 --> 00:20:38,345 That your daughter's married to an alien with superpowers? 438 00:20:38,347 --> 00:20:40,815 Yeah, babe. Superpowers?! 439 00:20:41,288 --> 00:20:45,935 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 440 00:20:46,055 --> 00:20:49,723 That's right, Dadders. Jeff has superpowers. 441 00:20:49,725 --> 00:20:52,626 Tune in next week and see if we deal with that. 442 00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:54,791 And maybe Reginald will come back.