1 00:00:01,461 --> 00:00:03,461 Welcome back to "Morning Mimosa"! 2 00:00:03,496 --> 00:00:04,562 I'm Trish. 3 00:00:04,598 --> 00:00:07,332 And I'm Sues, A.K.A. "The Sizzle." 4 00:00:07,367 --> 00:00:09,634 As always, we're bringing you 5 00:00:09,669 --> 00:00:12,337 five full hours of mimosas and... 6 00:00:12,372 --> 00:00:14,205 Oh, and... 7 00:00:14,241 --> 00:00:17,108 Whoops! I forgot our catchphrase again! 8 00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:20,278 Uh-oh, Trish. Sounds to me like you've had... 9 00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:23,248 Too many mimosas! 10 00:00:24,985 --> 00:00:27,085 Is that Kelly I hear? 11 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,519 Ladies, let's dance! 12 00:00:28,555 --> 00:00:30,054 ♪ What doesn't kill you makes you stronger ♪ 13 00:00:30,090 --> 00:00:31,923 ♪ stand a little taller 14 00:00:31,958 --> 00:00:34,592 ♪ doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone ♪ 15 00:00:34,628 --> 00:00:37,996 I love it when fat ladies feel falsely empowered. 16 00:00:38,031 --> 00:00:40,665 Who's up next, Charlie? 17 00:00:41,024 --> 00:00:43,825 The creator of the stupidest diet I've ever heard of. 18 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:45,827 I think she eats algae or something? 19 00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:47,262 Let's find out. 20 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,763 It's Rhonda Hughart! 21 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:51,933 Hi, Trish. Hi, Sizzle. 22 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,802 Thanks for having me on. 23 00:00:53,837 --> 00:00:55,837 My diet is about sensible -- 24 00:00:55,872 --> 00:00:58,239 Buppity-bup-bup- bup-bup-bup-bup! 25 00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:01,343 How many mimosas a day can you have on this diet? 26 00:01:01,378 --> 00:01:03,545 Um, if you've been good, 27 00:01:03,580 --> 00:01:05,246 maybe...one? 28 00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:09,250 Uh-oh. Buckle up, bitch. 29 00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:12,287 One mimosa? Are you insane?! 30 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,856 Cut off her head and put it in a bag! 31 00:01:14,891 --> 00:01:16,758 Sues, I think we've found ourselves 32 00:01:16,793 --> 00:01:18,526 someone to publicly shame. 33 00:01:18,562 --> 00:01:19,694 What does that mean? 34 00:01:19,730 --> 00:01:21,596 Oh, God, what does that mean? 35 00:01:21,632 --> 00:01:24,499 I love it when they turn on their guests. 36 00:01:24,534 --> 00:01:26,001 I'm sorry, 37 00:01:26,036 --> 00:01:27,936 you can have all the mimosas you want! 38 00:01:27,971 --> 00:01:29,704 That's not enough! 39 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:36,878 All food thrown at our guests is provided by Taco King. 40 00:01:36,913 --> 00:01:39,948 Taco King -- food so delicious, it stays together in the air. 41 00:01:41,985 --> 00:01:44,052 I have kids! 42 00:01:46,790 --> 00:01:49,457 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 43 00:01:49,493 --> 00:01:53,328 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 44 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,431 ♪ the sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 45 00:01:56,466 --> 00:02:00,735 ♪ and he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 46 00:02:02,639 --> 00:02:05,974 ♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say 47 00:02:06,009 --> 00:02:08,543 ♪ good -- ♪ good morning, U.S.A. 48 00:02:08,578 --> 00:02:16,295 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 49 00:02:16,753 --> 00:02:20,055 Steve, I asked you to set the table 10 minutes ago. 50 00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:21,389 Dinner's ready. 51 00:02:21,425 --> 00:02:22,724 But I'm on level 15! 52 00:02:22,759 --> 00:02:24,959 Well, I'm on level one of the house, 53 00:02:24,995 --> 00:02:26,461 where I cooked for you. 54 00:02:26,496 --> 00:02:27,662 Now set the table. 55 00:02:27,698 --> 00:02:29,364 I didn't ask you to cook for me. 56 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:30,932 Excuse me? 57 00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:33,068 Mom, I'm busy. I'll do it in a minute. 58 00:02:33,103 --> 00:02:36,938 No! It didn't save! It didn't save! 59 00:02:36,973 --> 00:02:38,473 What were you thinking? 60 00:02:38,508 --> 00:02:39,541 I was thinking... 61 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,443 go set the table. 62 00:02:41,478 --> 00:02:43,111 Fuck you! 63 00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:48,416 Wow. 64 00:02:58,128 --> 00:02:59,394 And what did your mom say? 65 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,628 Nothing. 66 00:03:00,664 --> 00:03:02,497 She -- she just walked out of the room. 67 00:03:02,532 --> 00:03:04,833 This is bad. This is real bad. 68 00:03:04,868 --> 00:03:06,968 Yeah, she's pretty pissed. 69 00:03:07,003 --> 00:03:08,903 I'm just gonna lay low till it blows over. 70 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,905 What if it doesn't blow over? 71 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,807 Saying "F" you to your mom 72 00:03:12,843 --> 00:03:14,943 can change your dynamic forever! 73 00:03:14,978 --> 00:03:16,978 Ah, maybe you guys are right. 74 00:03:17,013 --> 00:03:18,780 Toshi, care to weigh in? 75 00:03:18,815 --> 00:03:19,848 Tosh? 76 00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:24,686 Uh, Toshi just walked past my house. 77 00:03:27,405 --> 00:03:28,805 Steve, I'm very disappointed 78 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,240 that you used that language with your mother. 79 00:03:31,276 --> 00:03:32,675 That being said, 80 00:03:32,711 --> 00:03:34,644 I'm more excited for dinner than I have been in years. 81 00:03:34,679 --> 00:03:36,279 You did a very bad thing. 82 00:03:36,314 --> 00:03:38,448 You know who had to set the table tonight? Me. 83 00:03:38,483 --> 00:03:39,849 What are you talking about? 84 00:03:39,884 --> 00:03:41,284 I set the table. 85 00:03:41,319 --> 00:03:42,685 Well, I would have been next in line, 86 00:03:42,721 --> 00:03:44,354 and I did not like it. 87 00:03:44,389 --> 00:03:47,357 I made everyone's favorite -- mac and cheese omelettes. 88 00:03:47,392 --> 00:03:48,925 Awesome. Breakfast for dinner. 89 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,360 My favorite. 90 00:03:50,395 --> 00:03:52,829 So, um, mom, I have something for you. 91 00:03:52,864 --> 00:03:55,365 Oh, do you guys hear something? 92 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,532 'Cause I don't. 93 00:03:56,568 --> 00:03:58,935 Come on, mom. Just take the card. 94 00:03:58,970 --> 00:04:00,303 Mom, don't ignore me. 95 00:04:00,338 --> 00:04:01,725 Why not? It's fun! 96 00:04:01,845 --> 00:04:03,244 I'm ignoring Klaus right now, 97 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,046 and it's not bothering him at all. 98 00:04:05,082 --> 00:04:06,347 It's very peaceful. 99 00:04:06,383 --> 00:04:08,049 He was my only problem. 100 00:04:08,978 --> 00:04:10,545 Hey, where's mine? 101 00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:13,481 You didn't ask me to cook for you, remember? 102 00:04:13,516 --> 00:04:15,616 But i-it was in the heat of the moment and -- 103 00:04:15,652 --> 00:04:17,752 Steve, you really hurt my feelings. 104 00:04:17,787 --> 00:04:20,588 Part one of your punishment is I'm ignoring you. 105 00:04:20,623 --> 00:04:22,857 Part two is no dinner. 106 00:04:22,892 --> 00:04:24,292 When I snap my fingers, 107 00:04:24,327 --> 00:04:25,793 I'm gonna do part one on Hayley. 108 00:04:25,829 --> 00:04:27,295 Where'd she go? 109 00:04:27,330 --> 00:04:29,063 But I was gonna say sorry. 110 00:04:29,099 --> 00:04:31,833 A-and I even got you this stupid card. 111 00:04:33,436 --> 00:04:36,571 So we're cool, right? Like penguin says? 112 00:04:36,606 --> 00:04:38,372 Mac and cheese omelet? 113 00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:40,408 The penguin might be cool, 114 00:04:40,443 --> 00:04:41,542 but we are not. 115 00:04:41,578 --> 00:04:43,511 Something has changed, Steve. 116 00:04:43,546 --> 00:04:44,746 The dynamic? 117 00:04:44,781 --> 00:04:46,814 You're goddamn right it's the dynamic. 118 00:04:48,017 --> 00:04:50,718 This dinner is not a letdown. 119 00:04:50,754 --> 00:04:52,453 Oh, now you're mad at me. 120 00:04:52,489 --> 00:04:53,988 Too bad I'm ignoring you. 121 00:04:54,023 --> 00:04:55,389 In fact... 122 00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:56,958 - Gone. - Gone. 123 00:04:56,993 --> 00:04:58,025 Gone. 124 00:04:58,061 --> 00:05:00,695 Alone at last. 125 00:05:00,730 --> 00:05:03,030 I can eat how I want. 126 00:05:10,140 --> 00:05:12,740 Where the hell are the leftovers? 127 00:05:12,776 --> 00:05:14,776 Looking for something? 128 00:05:14,811 --> 00:05:15,943 Barry? 129 00:05:15,979 --> 00:05:17,645 Y-you're eating the leftovers? 130 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,947 Maybe you can have his leftovers. 131 00:05:19,983 --> 00:05:22,617 We both know that's not gonna happen. 132 00:05:22,652 --> 00:05:25,453 No dinner meant no dinner. 133 00:05:25,488 --> 00:05:27,121 I didn't come down here for food. 134 00:05:27,157 --> 00:05:29,357 I'm down here for... 135 00:05:29,392 --> 00:05:30,792 the crisper drawer. 136 00:05:30,827 --> 00:05:34,061 I'm building a fort, and it needs a window. 137 00:05:35,632 --> 00:05:36,864 You sound hungry. 138 00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:39,133 I'm hungry to finish my fort! 139 00:05:42,806 --> 00:05:43,905 Morning, mom. 140 00:05:43,940 --> 00:05:45,640 Thank God it's laundry day, 141 00:05:45,675 --> 00:05:48,009 'cause I'm all out of undies up there. 142 00:05:48,044 --> 00:05:50,044 I am undie-free. Sans panties. 143 00:05:50,079 --> 00:05:51,879 Less panty, mo' problems. 144 00:05:51,915 --> 00:05:54,415 Let me briefs you on the situation -- 145 00:05:54,450 --> 00:05:56,050 I ain't got no underwear. 146 00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:57,718 Mm-hmm. What's your point? 147 00:05:57,754 --> 00:05:59,620 Didn't you do my laundry? No. 148 00:05:59,656 --> 00:06:01,022 What you said is something 149 00:06:01,057 --> 00:06:02,757 you don't say to your mother. 150 00:06:02,792 --> 00:06:05,760 So you must not think of me as a mother at all. 151 00:06:05,795 --> 00:06:08,095 So, from now on, you're on your own. 152 00:06:08,131 --> 00:06:10,731 Mommy-free. Sans mommy. 153 00:06:10,767 --> 00:06:12,867 You ain't got no mama. 154 00:06:12,902 --> 00:06:14,068 What's that, Francine? 155 00:06:14,103 --> 00:06:15,736 I think you dropped a challenge. 156 00:06:15,772 --> 00:06:17,138 And I'm pickin' it up. 157 00:06:17,173 --> 00:06:19,574 'Cause I can do everything you do for me -- 158 00:06:19,609 --> 00:06:20,808 laundry, cooking, 159 00:06:20,844 --> 00:06:23,511 telling myself I'm a big, handsome boy. 160 00:06:23,546 --> 00:06:26,080 First step, making myself some pancakes! 161 00:06:28,051 --> 00:06:30,551 Oh, no. This is so hard. 162 00:06:30,587 --> 00:06:31,752 What a joke. 163 00:06:31,788 --> 00:06:33,454 Ha! I'm laughing. 164 00:06:33,489 --> 00:06:35,690 Ha! This is laughable, is what it is. 165 00:06:35,725 --> 00:06:36,691 Mmm. 166 00:06:37,961 --> 00:06:40,461 Your pancake mix was laundry soap. 167 00:06:42,599 --> 00:06:45,066 So it seems. 168 00:06:50,980 --> 00:06:54,114 Game over, laundry. Mastered this pretty fast. 169 00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:55,816 Aah! 170 00:06:55,851 --> 00:06:57,618 You're in over your head, Steve. 171 00:06:57,653 --> 00:06:59,086 You think you can do better? 172 00:06:59,121 --> 00:07:00,220 Oh, definitely not. 173 00:07:00,256 --> 00:07:01,822 That's why I'm nice to mom -- 174 00:07:01,857 --> 00:07:03,624 so she'll keep taking care of me 175 00:07:03,659 --> 00:07:04,992 well into my adult years. 176 00:07:05,027 --> 00:07:06,527 Idiot. 177 00:07:06,562 --> 00:07:07,828 How's he doing? 178 00:07:07,863 --> 00:07:09,196 Horribly. 179 00:07:09,231 --> 00:07:11,999 Great! I knew he couldn't survive without me. 180 00:07:12,034 --> 00:07:14,802 He'll learn his lesson and come crawling back. 181 00:07:14,837 --> 00:07:17,604 And that's how I want to see my little man -- 182 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:18,839 begging for mercy 183 00:07:18,874 --> 00:07:20,874 because he's completely incapable 184 00:07:20,910 --> 00:07:22,576 of taking care of himself. 185 00:07:22,611 --> 00:07:24,244 Motherhood. 186 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:25,879 Mom, can I just say 187 00:07:25,915 --> 00:07:28,215 that of all the punishments you've ever come up with, 188 00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:30,217 this is by far the most brilliant. 189 00:07:30,252 --> 00:07:32,920 Unrelated, can you start this orange for me? 190 00:07:32,955 --> 00:07:34,655 I don't know how. 191 00:07:42,898 --> 00:07:44,098 I got you dinner. 192 00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:45,732 You couldn't leave a ladder for me? 193 00:07:45,768 --> 00:07:47,801 My mom would see it. It's too dangerous. 194 00:07:47,837 --> 00:07:50,804 No, what's dangerous is crawling past Hayley's room 195 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,906 with a plate full of chipped beef. 196 00:07:52,942 --> 00:07:55,008 Wait, her room's on the other side of the hou-- 197 00:07:55,044 --> 00:07:57,578 Let's not get bogged down in the details 198 00:07:57,613 --> 00:07:59,646 about who was masturbating where. 199 00:07:59,682 --> 00:08:02,182 You just have to end this war with your mom. 200 00:08:02,218 --> 00:08:04,852 I tried, but she wants to keep fighting, 201 00:08:04,887 --> 00:08:06,753 so now I'm in it to win it. 202 00:08:06,789 --> 00:08:09,223 Look at yourself. You've already lost, bud. 203 00:08:09,258 --> 00:08:11,225 You stink, and you're starving. 204 00:08:11,260 --> 00:08:13,293 And you're not wearing underwear. 205 00:08:13,329 --> 00:08:14,928 How can you tell that? 206 00:08:14,964 --> 00:08:17,631 We're best friends. I know your body. 207 00:08:17,666 --> 00:08:19,166 If you're not gonna make up with your mom, 208 00:08:19,201 --> 00:08:21,001 you've got to learn to take care of yourself. 209 00:08:21,036 --> 00:08:22,936 But how? 210 00:08:22,972 --> 00:08:25,005 Remember when I straightened my hair that summer? 211 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,141 Of course I remember. 212 00:08:27,176 --> 00:08:29,776 You didn't swim all summer. 213 00:08:29,812 --> 00:08:32,179 But I never looked so good. 214 00:08:32,214 --> 00:08:34,982 A lot of guys hit on me from behind. 215 00:08:35,017 --> 00:08:36,717 ♪ Dum dee do bee dum 216 00:08:36,752 --> 00:08:39,186 ♪ wah wah wah wah 217 00:08:39,221 --> 00:08:40,721 ♪ dum dum... 218 00:08:40,756 --> 00:08:43,590 The point is, I learned to do my hair myself 219 00:08:43,626 --> 00:08:45,592 from watching YouTube videos. 220 00:08:45,628 --> 00:08:48,028 And you can learn to cook the same way. 221 00:08:48,063 --> 00:08:49,663 What are you hungry for? 222 00:08:49,698 --> 00:08:51,598 Pancakes. 223 00:08:51,634 --> 00:08:53,133 Your journey begins now. 224 00:08:53,169 --> 00:08:54,701 But whatever you do, 225 00:08:54,737 --> 00:08:57,971 don't get sidetracked by snakebite videos. 226 00:08:58,007 --> 00:09:01,008 They're always one click away, and they're very addictive. 227 00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:03,243 I wouldn't want to watch snakebite videos. 228 00:09:03,279 --> 00:09:04,678 Good. 229 00:09:04,713 --> 00:09:06,113 Good. 230 00:09:13,189 --> 00:09:15,088 "OMG," huh? 231 00:09:15,124 --> 00:09:17,124 Let's see what all the fuss is about. 232 00:09:17,159 --> 00:09:19,593 Whoa, that's a king cobra! 233 00:09:19,628 --> 00:09:20,994 Why are you taunting him? 234 00:09:21,030 --> 00:09:21,995 Oh, he got him. 235 00:09:22,031 --> 00:09:23,230 Oh, he got him again! 236 00:09:23,265 --> 00:09:24,331 And again! 237 00:09:24,366 --> 00:09:27,067 It's just a series of strikes! 238 00:09:27,102 --> 00:09:28,802 Whoa! 239 00:09:28,837 --> 00:09:30,804 That was stressful. 240 00:09:30,839 --> 00:09:32,873 Okay, just one more. 241 00:09:34,343 --> 00:09:36,910 Dude, drop the camera and help your friend. 242 00:09:36,946 --> 00:09:38,712 He got bit by a rattlesnake! 243 00:09:38,747 --> 00:09:40,647 He is dying! 244 00:09:41,884 --> 00:09:43,250 Oh, what's a black mamba? 245 00:09:43,285 --> 00:09:44,985 Wonder if they're friendly -- 246 00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:46,386 Oh, God, they're not! 247 00:09:46,422 --> 00:09:47,754 They're not! 248 00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:49,790 Oh! Why am I so hungry?! 249 00:09:49,825 --> 00:09:52,092 Oh, yeah. Pancake videos. 250 00:09:52,127 --> 00:09:54,261 Let's see what we got here. 251 00:09:54,296 --> 00:09:55,996 "Pan-snakes"? Sure. 252 00:09:56,031 --> 00:09:57,831 No! 253 00:10:00,302 --> 00:10:01,969 These are amazing, Steve! 254 00:10:02,004 --> 00:10:04,104 They remind me of this wonderful meal 255 00:10:04,139 --> 00:10:05,172 I had on the cape. 256 00:10:05,207 --> 00:10:07,040 Ohh, what was the dish? 257 00:10:07,076 --> 00:10:08,976 That's right -- pancakes. 258 00:10:09,011 --> 00:10:11,878 Oh, look who learned to cook. 259 00:10:11,914 --> 00:10:15,048 Guess somebody's ready to make a little peace offering? 260 00:10:15,084 --> 00:10:16,416 The only thing I'm offering 261 00:10:16,452 --> 00:10:18,185 is a boysenberry-lemon reduction. 262 00:10:19,989 --> 00:10:21,121 But not to you. 263 00:10:21,156 --> 00:10:22,889 Oh, for God's sake, Steve. Grow up. 264 00:10:22,925 --> 00:10:24,291 I have grown up, mother. 265 00:10:24,326 --> 00:10:26,827 I've grown up a lot in the last eight hours. 266 00:10:26,862 --> 00:10:28,028 I learned how to cook, 267 00:10:28,063 --> 00:10:29,763 how to set a dryer for delicates, 268 00:10:29,798 --> 00:10:31,865 and how to suck venom out of a snakebite. 269 00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:33,734 Now I don't need you for anything. 270 00:10:33,769 --> 00:10:35,936 He's right, Francine. Those are all the things. 271 00:10:35,971 --> 00:10:37,371 Whose side are you on anyway? 272 00:10:37,406 --> 00:10:39,072 Whoever makes the best pancakes. 273 00:10:39,108 --> 00:10:41,174 I'm on your side, mom. 274 00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:43,877 Maple syrup stuck-stuck. 275 00:10:43,912 --> 00:10:46,380 You may be feeling... 276 00:10:46,415 --> 00:10:49,916 like you've got it all figured out, young man. 277 00:10:49,952 --> 00:10:52,319 No more soap in your pancakes... 278 00:10:52,354 --> 00:10:54,788 clothes all clean. 279 00:10:54,823 --> 00:10:56,089 But trust me -- 280 00:10:57,726 --> 00:11:00,794 you're gonna realize sooner or later that -- 281 00:11:01,964 --> 00:11:06,033 every boy needs his mother! 282 00:11:06,068 --> 00:11:08,435 Stan, will you join me in the other room? 283 00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:11,071 I think we should have a long conversation 284 00:11:11,106 --> 00:11:12,873 about parenting decisions. 285 00:11:12,908 --> 00:11:13,874 Uh-oh. 286 00:11:13,909 --> 00:11:14,975 Gone. 287 00:11:15,010 --> 00:11:16,777 Off to work. 288 00:11:18,247 --> 00:11:21,448 Steve, how did you learn to cook like this? 289 00:11:23,519 --> 00:11:26,987 Got the recipe off YouTube, but I made it my own. 290 00:11:27,022 --> 00:11:29,890 You know, I should make my own cooking videos. 291 00:11:29,925 --> 00:11:33,060 Give back to the community and rub it in mom's face. 292 00:11:33,095 --> 00:11:34,294 Oh, you totally should. 293 00:11:34,330 --> 00:11:36,196 But what would you call your channel? 294 00:11:36,231 --> 00:11:39,333 Oh! Oh! How about a taste of Steve? 295 00:11:39,368 --> 00:11:40,500 Mouthful of Steve. 296 00:11:40,536 --> 00:11:41,968 Steve in your mouth. 297 00:11:42,004 --> 00:11:43,770 Stop me when you hear one you like. 298 00:11:43,806 --> 00:11:45,972 A taste of Steve in your mouth. 299 00:11:46,008 --> 00:11:47,207 That's all I got. 300 00:11:49,878 --> 00:11:51,345 Hey, Stan, great news! 301 00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:53,513 My daughter's soccer team qualified for regionals. 302 00:11:53,549 --> 00:11:55,315 So we're trying to raise money for -- 303 00:11:55,351 --> 00:11:56,783 You know what, Jackson? 304 00:11:56,819 --> 00:11:58,752 This might be crazy, but I'm gonna try something. 305 00:11:58,787 --> 00:12:00,087 Gone. 306 00:12:00,122 --> 00:12:01,388 It worked! 307 00:12:04,093 --> 00:12:05,158 What? 308 00:12:05,194 --> 00:12:06,126 Gone. 309 00:12:06,161 --> 00:12:07,094 Gone. 310 00:12:07,129 --> 00:12:08,829 Gone. 311 00:12:09,932 --> 00:12:11,898 Smith, you can't just barge in here -- 312 00:12:11,934 --> 00:12:12,999 Gone. 313 00:12:13,035 --> 00:12:14,968 Alone in the boss's office. 314 00:12:15,003 --> 00:12:16,503 Let's try out the chair. 315 00:12:19,541 --> 00:12:22,209 Deputy Director Smith. 316 00:12:22,244 --> 00:12:24,077 First order of business, 317 00:12:24,113 --> 00:12:26,380 get a less erect chair. 318 00:12:26,415 --> 00:12:28,949 Now, once we've put the souffle in the oven, 319 00:12:28,984 --> 00:12:31,017 we can start prepping the coq au vin. 320 00:12:31,053 --> 00:12:32,352 This classic peasant dish 321 00:12:32,388 --> 00:12:34,321 is not as complicated as it looks. 322 00:12:34,356 --> 00:12:36,156 I'm a kid, so the hardest part 323 00:12:36,191 --> 00:12:37,290 is getting the wine. 324 00:12:39,027 --> 00:12:41,261 So many views. 325 00:12:41,296 --> 00:12:43,130 That's all for now. 326 00:12:43,165 --> 00:12:45,432 I'm the Orphan Chef, wishing you smaklig maltid. 327 00:12:45,467 --> 00:12:47,534 That's Swedish for bon appétit. 328 00:12:47,569 --> 00:12:49,102 Am I Swedish? 329 00:12:49,138 --> 00:12:51,538 I don't know. My mother abandoned me. 330 00:12:51,573 --> 00:12:53,173 That little jerk. 331 00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:55,208 Where does he get off insulting me like that? 332 00:12:55,244 --> 00:12:58,078 Hey, an orphan means he also doesn't have a father. 333 00:12:58,113 --> 00:12:59,980 Well, that part's kind of true. 334 00:13:02,951 --> 00:13:04,050 Oh, my God! 335 00:13:04,086 --> 00:13:05,819 Charlie Greenfield, 336 00:13:05,854 --> 00:13:08,221 executive producer of "Morning Mimosa"! 337 00:13:08,257 --> 00:13:09,823 Did I finally get tickets? 338 00:13:09,858 --> 00:13:11,858 No, no. These hands don't deliver tickets. 339 00:13:11,894 --> 00:13:13,193 Well, this one does. 340 00:13:13,228 --> 00:13:15,228 But this one finds the stars of tomorrow. 341 00:13:15,264 --> 00:13:19,232 And there he is -- the Orphan Chef. 342 00:13:19,268 --> 00:13:22,002 Sorry, buddy, you got to order aprons off the website. 343 00:13:22,037 --> 00:13:24,037 No, I'm here from "Morning Mimosa" 344 00:13:24,072 --> 00:13:27,007 and we want you to come down and do half a segment -- 345 00:13:27,042 --> 00:13:28,074 Half a segment?! 346 00:13:28,110 --> 00:13:29,609 Live, tomorrow morning. 347 00:13:29,645 --> 00:13:31,044 Live, tomorrow mor-- 348 00:13:31,079 --> 00:13:32,379 So you're interested? 349 00:13:32,414 --> 00:13:34,114 Great. I'll send a limo in the morning. 350 00:13:34,149 --> 00:13:35,582 Send a limo?! 351 00:13:35,617 --> 00:13:38,251 Steve, I don't know if you're ready to perform live 352 00:13:38,287 --> 00:13:41,021 in front of the most hostile audience in television. 353 00:13:41,056 --> 00:13:42,289 You're just jealous 354 00:13:42,324 --> 00:13:44,057 'cause I'm getting out of this dump. 355 00:13:44,092 --> 00:13:45,892 She's just jealous. I can tell. 356 00:13:45,928 --> 00:13:48,962 Now, let us know if you have anybody that needs tickets. 357 00:13:48,997 --> 00:13:51,565 Perhaps this haggard lady who runs the orphanage? 358 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,501 Nah. Just give those tickets away to someone in need. 359 00:13:54,536 --> 00:13:55,869 What an amazing boy. 360 00:13:55,904 --> 00:13:57,471 If it weren't for his face, 361 00:13:57,506 --> 00:14:00,507 I'd be completely baffled about why he was abandoned. 362 00:14:02,511 --> 00:14:04,344 Half a segment?! 363 00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:08,879 We gave our homely housewife, Jan, 364 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,681 the makeover treatment. 365 00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:12,182 New clothes, new 'do. 366 00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,151 How do you think she looks? 367 00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:22,026 Ohh, looks like we got another one. 368 00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:24,128 Jan is... 369 00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:27,131 unsalvageable! 370 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,069 Bleh! 371 00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:33,704 Pretty hot crowd today. 372 00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:36,006 Yeah, it's Maximum Mimosa Monday. 373 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,042 They're gonna kill your son. 374 00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:39,310 Welcome to our studio. 375 00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:41,645 So, this is where the magic happens. 376 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:44,014 The real magic will happen when I cook today. 377 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,883 The only thing I melt faster than butter 378 00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:47,284 is people's hearts. 379 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,887 Anyone ever tell you that you have the confidence 380 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:52,222 of a white kid with upper-middle-class parents? 381 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:56,994 Open your mouths, you animals! 382 00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:59,096 This way to the green room. 383 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,865 Ha! Ha! Ha! 384 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,134 So, you'll be on after the dancing monkeys. 385 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,203 This is the first time they've been on 386 00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:07,204 since the attack. 387 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:08,772 They attacked the audience? 388 00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:09,940 Oh God, no. 389 00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:12,209 The audience attacked the monkeys. 390 00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,848 Relax, mommy's here. 391 00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:19,283 Mommy? 392 00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:20,417 I'm not their real mommy. 393 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,052 I killed her in the Congo. 394 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,989 These guys get so nervous before they perform. 395 00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,091 Well, we better get out there. 396 00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:31,895 Everything's fine. 397 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,664 The dancing monkeys will -- will put the audience 398 00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:34,832 in a great mood. 399 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,867 That's not dancing! It's hopping! 400 00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:39,303 Kill the monkeys! 401 00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,378 - Gone. - Gone. 402 00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:49,013 Gone. 403 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:50,848 Last man on earth. 404 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:59,056 Nothing but empty spots. 405 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:02,860 What the hell, man? 406 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,028 Gone. 407 00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:05,229 Aww. 408 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,367 Day 10. No signs of life. 409 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,074 Those women shaved my head! 410 00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:18,776 They shaved my head! 411 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,177 Where are the monkeys? 412 00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:22,046 They escaped to the rafters! 413 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:25,049 No more mimosas! 414 00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:27,251 They've had enough mimosas! 415 00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:29,286 Aaaah! 416 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,124 Where do you think you're going? 417 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,325 You're on! 418 00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:37,094 They're ready... 419 00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:38,796 for you! 420 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,497 Next up, whoo! 421 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:45,869 We have a YouTube sensation known as the Orphan Chef. 422 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,806 He was abandoned by his mother, 423 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,109 and he learned to cook gourmet cuisine 424 00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:53,477 all by himself. 425 00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,345 Amazing. 426 00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:57,314 Welcome the orphan chef! 427 00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:01,118 Great to have you here. 428 00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:02,119 Mimosa? 429 00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:03,287 I'm 14. 430 00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:05,355 Who's gonna find out, your mother? 431 00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:08,759 So, what are you gonna cook for us? 432 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,027 I'm starving! 433 00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:12,963 Uh...I-I-I wanted to make my specialty, 434 00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:14,131 u-uh, coq a vin. 435 00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:15,799 What the hell is that? 436 00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:16,967 French chicken! 437 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,605 I-it's, um, m-much easier than you think. 438 00:17:21,725 --> 00:17:24,108 I'm a kid, so the hardest part is... 439 00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:25,362 is... 440 00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:26,543 Is what? 441 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,445 What is it? Finish your sentence! 442 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,848 Is wine... 443 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,216 getting. 444 00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:37,988 I'll just start the dish. 445 00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:39,990 You grew up without a mom. 446 00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:42,159 Tell us how terrible that was. 447 00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:44,128 It -- it wasn't that bad. 448 00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:45,262 Yes, it was. 449 00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:46,830 No mom to kiss your boo-boos? 450 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:49,066 No mom to hold you after a bad day. 451 00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:51,101 Who celebrated your birthday and tucked you in at night? 452 00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:52,336 Your mom? Not likely. 453 00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:53,804 As if. So sad. 454 00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:56,406 I-I really should focus on -- on this. 455 00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:58,509 You know what I just realized? 456 00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:01,044 This kid has no mom! 457 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,480 What? No mom? 458 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,382 Nope. If he died here today, 459 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,885 there would be no mommy to mourn him. 460 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,853 And no mommy to press charges. 461 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,455 How did this get so dark? 462 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,324 Oh, thank God. It's ready. 463 00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:17,561 What is that crap? 464 00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:21,398 I-I made an omelet. 465 00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:24,067 A mac and cheese omelet. 466 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,370 But I'm hungry for chicken! 467 00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:28,972 Why did you make this for us? 468 00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:30,607 Because I was nervous. 469 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:32,242 And every time I eat this, 470 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,611 it makes me feel good and safe and loved. 471 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,079 Why?! 472 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,949 Because my mom makes it for me, okay? 473 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,119 Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh. Uh-oh. 474 00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:44,188 Y-you have a mom? 475 00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:46,223 Who fact-checked this shit? 476 00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:48,458 B-but I-I went to the orphanage. 477 00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:51,995 It don't add up, I tell ya! It don't add up! 478 00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:53,931 And you... 479 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,365 coming here, 480 00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:58,068 lying about your parental status, 481 00:18:58,103 --> 00:18:59,436 promising chicken. 482 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,305 Who do you think you are? 483 00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,073 He's my son! 484 00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:07,978 Mom? You're here! 485 00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:10,280 Of course I am. 486 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,984 I will always be here for you. 487 00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:17,154 I'm so sorry I said those terrible words to you. 488 00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:21,091 Get this crybaby loser and his loser mother 489 00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:22,326 off my show! 490 00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:24,995 I know where to put them! 491 00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:27,664 What -- it -- 492 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,166 but 493 00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:31,335 you were gonna drop us in the pit? 494 00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:34,571 You know what, Trish, the Sizzle? 495 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,940 Fuck you! 496 00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,610 Sometimes it's okay to say it. 497 00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:40,611 Like now. 498 00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:42,346 Or when you're driving. 499 00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:46,049 Turn off the cameras and lock the doors. 500 00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:48,652 No, Sues. Please. Not again. 501 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,053 Rage! Rage! 502 00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,456 Ra-a-a-ge! Ra-a-a-ge! 503 00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,291 Rage! 504 00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:58,362 Mom, what do we do? 505 00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:02,966 Follow the monkeys to freedom! 506 00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,021 I-I can't do it! 507 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,956 I'm not strong enough! 508 00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:28,025 Don't worry. Mama's got you. 509 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,460 Aah! 510 00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,499 Although he refuses to acknowledge anyone, 511 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:38,235 the naked man in the supermarket has been apprehended. 512 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:39,503 Oh, my God! 513 00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:40,570 Aah! 514 00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:42,172 Oh. Hi, Francine, Steve. 515 00:20:45,817 --> 00:20:46,865 Who's doing this to me? 516 00:20:46,985 --> 00:20:48,665 Who are you? Show yourself! 517 00:20:51,221 --> 00:20:58,683 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com