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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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Aah!
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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'Sup, comrades?
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Whoa, what's with the getup?
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You look like one of those
non-ethnic burglars
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in the home alarm commercials.
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Merely a cunning
disguise, Steve.
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I'm going undercover
at the Occupy rally today.
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Didn't that Occupy
movement blow over?
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But it didn't blow out.
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It's the anniversary rally
celebrating the day
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they didn't get
kicked out of that park.
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CIA's gotten word that
these anti-Americans
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are using this rally as a cover
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to plan a major
terrorist attack.
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Come on, Dad, they
aren't anti-American,
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they're anti-capitalist.
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And, you know, I think
they make a lot of good points
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about our culture's
veneration of the super rich.
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God, you're annoying.
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Everything you say is annoying.
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You want some coffee, Stan?
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I just got a new grind
from Delayna's Coffee.
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Mom, that company is the worst.
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The CEO lives in a castle
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and doesn't even pay his
employees a living wage.
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God, you're annoying.
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Everything you say is annoying.
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You know what?
I give up.
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How can you expect
to infiltrate a group of people
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when you won't even open
your mind to their beliefs?
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Hayley, I've seen
Reality Bites, all right?
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I think I get the agenda
of this generation.
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Oh, and it shows from
your kick-ass disguise.
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Hey, you know the only
thing you're missing
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are the mirrored shades.
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Mirrored shades?
Really?
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Oh, definitely.
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All the groovy protesters
wear them.
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If I leave now, I can probably
hit that Sunglass Hut
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at the mall before it
goes out of business.
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- Klaus!
- Jawohl?
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Get ready to flip me my
car keys with your tail,
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like you do every morning.
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I've been ready
for three hours.
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Stan, you forgot your coffee.
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And your keys.
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Was that Stan
coming back for his keys?
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Yes, but he let a coyote
in the house when he did.
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Open the back
door so it has a way out.
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You do realize this
is about climate change.
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God, it's worse than I thought.
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Hey, man, you want
to go with us?
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We're gonna go intimidate
that Verizon store
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into letting us
use their bathroom.
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Right on.
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Wait, don't I recognize
you three from somewhere?
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I know.
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You used to be
multicultural members
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of the Burger King Kids' Club.
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A girl, a black kid
and a paraplegic.
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All friends, somehow.
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Yeah, that's us.
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But we took off when
they changed their fries.
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Well, let's do it, man.
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I'm one of you.
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Just looking to agitate.
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Okay, you're in.
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But first, douse your bandana
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in this tear gas neutralizer.
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Huh. Smells a little like ether.
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Where...
where am I?
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A foxhole...
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on the front line
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in the war for class equality.
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Why are you doing this?
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I thought we were coolio.
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Yeah, we know you
work for the CIA.
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Only a narc would wear
those mirrored shades.
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But my daughter told me they
would make me look really cool
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and oh, I get it,
she set me up, I'm stupid.
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Oh, we can fix that.
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Let the reeducation begin.
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Kristophe, hit
the energy efficient lights.
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Aah! The tint of the glow
is slightly off.
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Wake up, G-man.
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It's time to hear the truth.
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And the most efficient way
to convey that truth?
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Poetry slam.
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Death!
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On 9/11.
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Unhealthy food in 7-Eleven.
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Instagram.
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No, thank you, ma'am.
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Television news is
society's bruise.
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Makes me want to drink booze.
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Because "pobody's nerfect."
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Hello. I'm Ira Glass.
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Today, on This American Life,
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we have a story about a dog.
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And like most dogs...
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this dog has an owner.
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But here's the thing:
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This dog's owner...
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also happens to be...
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a dog.
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Why is he pausing?
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Doesn't he know
what he wants to say next?
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Doesn't he have it written down
right in front of him?
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We've just received
a disturbing report
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that a local man
has been kidnapped
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by radical Occupy protesters,
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and subjected
to Heaven knows what.
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Journalistic ethics prevent us
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from releasing the man's name.
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But, between you and
me, it's Stan Smith.
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Stan?!
Daddy?!
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Dad...?
Ow! Hangnail.
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"We are a radical arm
of the Occupy movement.
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"We have several demands.
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"The rich should give
their money to the poor.
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"Then the new rich should give
their money to the new poor.
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"And then they should go
round and round like the...
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the Sneeches?"
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Is that what that is?
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"Also, there should be
a one-year waiting period
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"to get a gun.
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And at the end of that year,
you don't get a gun."
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Witnesses report that
the victim stood out
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because he was wearing
mirrored narc shades.
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Oh, my God.
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I told Dad to wear
those sunglasses.
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This is all my fault.
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Well, then you better just hope
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he doesn't get out
of there alive.
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Roger, what are you doing?
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Well, with your dad missing,
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it's only a matter of time
before hundreds of people
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show up for a
candlelight vigil.
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20 bucks a candle?
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Tha-that seems
a little steep.
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Friends and family
get ten for a hundred,
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but we're not related and I
don't really care for you,
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so it's 20 bucks.
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Oh, my God, Mom,
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I'm so worried.
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What if... What if Dad
doesn't come back?
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Then you'll have
killed your father.
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Do I really need
to explain this to you?
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Stan?
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Oh, Dad, thank God you're okay.
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We heard you were kidnapped.
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First, I'm not a kid.
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So the term is
"man-napped."
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And second, I escaped
my kidnappers.
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Oh, God, that's
2,000 more candles.
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Nobody sign for that.
Just ignore him.
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He'll go away.
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Hey, Dad.
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What are you doing?
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Oh, just listening
to my boy-eeee Glenn Beck.
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Did you know America's dead?
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Pulled into the world garage,
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left the engine running,
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flipped on some
Roy Orbison and just...
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let go.
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Dad, I just came in to say...
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Well, I-I'm just really
happy that you're home.
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Good night.
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Hello.
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I'm Ira Glass.
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With a $35 pledge...
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you can get the feeling...
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of paying for radio.
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It's an indescribable...
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sensation.
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Ah, yeah.
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Okay, I figured it out.
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We took a big hit on
all those candles.
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"We?"
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Yeah, it's a family problem.
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Every problem in this house
is a family problem.
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Except your problems.
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Anyway, you each owe me $400.
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Mom, can you spot me?
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Steve, you're not paying him.
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None of us are
paying you, Roger.
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But I've got 3,500
candles up there.
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How the hell am I
supposed to unload them?
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Make wax statues
of Viggo Mortensen?
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00:07:57,247 --> 00:07:58,714
Ooh, first thought,
best thought.
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Hey, everybody.
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00:08:00,850 --> 00:08:02,084
I'm off to my study
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00:08:02,118 --> 00:08:03,519
to swaddle myself
in the American flag
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00:08:03,553 --> 00:08:04,920
and pretend I'm Baby Jesus.
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00:08:04,955 --> 00:08:06,121
But, before I go,
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I wanted to hand out
your allowances.
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00:08:07,924 --> 00:08:09,058
We get allowances?
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00:08:09,092 --> 00:08:10,626
I know I do all the work,
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00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:12,161
but we're not just a family.
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00:08:12,195 --> 00:08:14,964
We're a collective.
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00:08:14,998 --> 00:08:18,200
Oh, my God, don't you guys
realize what just happened?
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00:08:18,234 --> 00:08:19,535
Your dad cut one and left?
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00:08:19,569 --> 00:08:22,471
Yes, but he's also
redistributing his wealth.
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00:08:22,505 --> 00:08:25,074
The dad I know would
consider that un-American.
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00:08:25,108 --> 00:08:26,575
Haley, I-I'd think
you'd be happy
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00:08:26,610 --> 00:08:28,844
that Dad is starting to
think a little like you.
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00:08:28,878 --> 00:08:31,647
I would if it was real,
but it's so weird.
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00:08:31,681 --> 00:08:34,216
He's still talking
like he did in that video.
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00:08:34,251 --> 00:08:35,417
I wonder...
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00:08:35,452 --> 00:08:37,119
Why I'm listening to you
instead of hustling
218
00:08:37,153 --> 00:08:38,387
down to the fireworks stand
219
00:08:38,421 --> 00:08:39,955
with my unforeseen windfall?
220
00:08:41,291 --> 00:08:42,524
What happened?
221
00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:45,361
Oh, my God, someone put
an axe in the fuse box.
222
00:08:45,395 --> 00:08:47,196
Candles, $10.
223
00:09:28,738 --> 00:09:31,407
♪ Love, American Style ♪
224
00:09:31,441 --> 00:09:35,044
♪ Truer than the red,
white and blue, ooh, ooh ♪
225
00:09:35,078 --> 00:09:38,881
♪ Love, American style ♪
226
00:09:38,915 --> 00:09:43,152
♪ That's me and you. ♪
227
00:09:43,186 --> 00:09:45,721
Haley, care to join
our patriotic sing-along?
228
00:09:45,755 --> 00:09:46,622
I'm sorry, Dad.
229
00:09:46,656 --> 00:09:48,057
But you're not fooling anyone.
230
00:09:48,091 --> 00:09:49,291
You've been brainwashed.
231
00:09:49,326 --> 00:09:50,426
And I have proof.
232
00:09:50,460 --> 00:09:51,860
What are you talking about?
233
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:53,262
I followed Dad today.
234
00:09:53,296 --> 00:09:54,396
Here's a picture of him
235
00:09:54,431 --> 00:09:55,931
giving all of his clothes
236
00:09:55,966 --> 00:09:57,199
to a homeless man.
237
00:09:57,234 --> 00:09:58,734
It looks like he's being robbed.
238
00:10:01,071 --> 00:10:02,938
What?!
It's true.
239
00:10:02,973 --> 00:10:04,640
I was robbed by a homeless.
240
00:10:04,674 --> 00:10:05,641
Haley!
241
00:10:05,675 --> 00:10:07,009
Your father was getting mugged
242
00:10:07,043 --> 00:10:09,178
and you just sat there,
snapping photos?
243
00:10:09,212 --> 00:10:10,513
Hilarious.
244
00:10:10,547 --> 00:10:12,882
I-I swear,
he didn't have a gun.
245
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:16,018
Dad, you may be able
to use your CIA tech
246
00:10:16,052 --> 00:10:18,354
to hack my phone
and doctor a photo,
247
00:10:18,388 --> 00:10:21,056
but you can't doctor real life.
248
00:10:23,093 --> 00:10:25,261
But... that was
a peace sign.
249
00:10:25,295 --> 00:10:26,862
Oh, I see why you're confused.
250
00:10:26,897 --> 00:10:29,532
Reagan's just at peace
shredding waves.
251
00:10:29,566 --> 00:10:30,432
I'm not crazy.
252
00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:32,635
I know what I saw.
253
00:10:32,669 --> 00:10:34,436
Oh, I've got some
bad news, guys.
254
00:10:34,471 --> 00:10:35,804
I have to sell the piano.
255
00:10:35,839 --> 00:10:37,973
Aw.
256
00:10:44,114 --> 00:10:46,615
Sorry, I'll be out of
your hair in a minute.
257
00:10:46,650 --> 00:10:48,284
Just looking for a flashlight.
258
00:10:48,318 --> 00:10:49,952
Oh, here it is.
259
00:10:49,986 --> 00:10:53,255
Shadow puppet
practice, commence!
260
00:10:56,626 --> 00:10:57,993
It's all in the pinky.
261
00:10:58,028 --> 00:11:00,362
What's wrong, little buddy?
262
00:11:00,397 --> 00:11:02,698
I'm ruined!
All these candles!
263
00:11:02,732 --> 00:11:04,700
You can't find
anyone to buy them?
264
00:11:04,734 --> 00:11:06,368
I offered them
to Yankee Candles,
265
00:11:06,403 --> 00:11:08,170
but they said
they had enough candles.
266
00:11:08,205 --> 00:11:09,905
I don't understand business!
267
00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,307
Don't give up, Roger.
268
00:11:11,341 --> 00:11:13,442
You just got to look on the...
269
00:11:13,476 --> 00:11:15,444
bright side.
270
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:19,481
Oh, it feels good to laugh.
271
00:11:19,516 --> 00:11:22,284
Thanks for reminding me how.
272
00:11:25,355 --> 00:11:26,822
It's like I'm looking at you
273
00:11:26,857 --> 00:11:28,824
through the eyes
of Vilmos Zsigmond,
274
00:11:28,859 --> 00:11:31,026
cinematographer
of Close Encounters.
275
00:11:31,061 --> 00:11:32,628
I know Vilmos.
276
00:11:32,662 --> 00:11:35,865
I was his favorite extra.
277
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,769
God, there's so much
I don't know about you.
278
00:11:40,804 --> 00:11:42,972
I should probably go.
279
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:44,240
Why?
280
00:11:44,274 --> 00:11:46,742
Two friends lit by candlelight.
281
00:11:46,776 --> 00:11:48,744
What could go wrong?
282
00:11:48,778 --> 00:11:50,613
The question is...
283
00:11:50,647 --> 00:11:53,883
what could go right?
284
00:11:53,917 --> 00:11:57,353
How 'bout I light a few more?
285
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,701
All right, Stan Smith,
286
00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:15,504
let's see what you're hiding.
287
00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:28,517
Sorry, Hayley.
288
00:12:28,552 --> 00:12:32,288
Sorry you picked a fish
for your stupid plan.
289
00:12:32,322 --> 00:12:34,290
No, Dad!
290
00:12:34,324 --> 00:12:36,625
I can't let you do this.
What do you mean?
291
00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:39,428
I saw your computer screen.
I know you were searching
292
00:12:39,462 --> 00:12:42,031
for "Secret Back Roads
to National Monuments."
293
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:44,533
Oh, Hayley, Hayley, Hayley.
294
00:12:44,568 --> 00:12:47,069
I've been planning a road trip
for the family
295
00:12:47,103 --> 00:12:49,438
to see all of our country's
greatest monuments.
296
00:12:49,473 --> 00:12:51,707
And of course we'll take
the secret back roads.
297
00:12:51,741 --> 00:12:53,976
You always want to enter a park
from behind.
298
00:12:54,010 --> 00:12:56,712
Not many parks will let you,
but if you find one that will,
299
00:12:56,746 --> 00:12:58,581
they'll pretty much
let you do anything.
300
00:12:58,615 --> 00:13:00,015
Dad, one of the Web sites was
301
00:13:00,050 --> 00:13:01,851
"How to Blow Up
National Monuments."
302
00:13:01,885 --> 00:13:04,119
Hayley, Hayley, Hayley.
303
00:13:04,154 --> 00:13:06,055
"Blow Up." It's street jive.
304
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:08,390
It means
to make something popular.
305
00:13:08,425 --> 00:13:10,793
Attendance at the national
monuments is dwindling,
306
00:13:10,827 --> 00:13:12,995
baby girl, and Daddy's worried.
307
00:13:13,029 --> 00:13:14,330
Okay...
308
00:13:14,364 --> 00:13:16,465
I-I guess
that makes sense.
309
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,868
Um, just one more question.
310
00:13:18,902 --> 00:13:22,471
Why is there a crate
of missiles tied to your car?
311
00:13:22,506 --> 00:13:25,875
Hayley, Hayley, Hayley.
312
00:13:27,978 --> 00:13:30,412
You just couldn't let it rest,
could you?
313
00:13:35,185 --> 00:13:37,486
Damn, Hayley, how
much do you weigh?
314
00:13:39,923 --> 00:13:42,091
Daddy?
315
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,225
What's going on?
316
00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:44,360
You were right, Hayley.
317
00:13:44,394 --> 00:13:46,695
I'm a warrior now
for the liberal left,
318
00:13:46,730 --> 00:13:48,864
and we're about to move forward
with an attack
319
00:13:48,899 --> 00:13:50,733
that the world's right-wing
puppet masters
320
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:52,434
will never forget.
321
00:13:54,304 --> 00:13:55,738
Oh, by the way,
these are my friends
322
00:13:55,772 --> 00:13:57,706
who kidnapped
and brainwashed me.
323
00:13:57,741 --> 00:13:59,241
This one's a wheelchair guy,
324
00:13:59,276 --> 00:14:01,243
but he can still talk
and everything.
325
00:14:07,128 --> 00:14:08,762
Dad, what are you gonna do?
326
00:14:08,796 --> 00:14:09,963
Are you...
327
00:14:09,998 --> 00:14:11,765
are you gonna blow up
Mount Rushmore?
328
00:14:11,799 --> 00:14:13,100
Oh, no. Way cooler.
329
00:14:13,134 --> 00:14:15,135
Artemis, show her.
330
00:14:17,369 --> 00:14:19,449
By precisely targeting
a barrage of missiles
331
00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:21,441
your dad acquired for us,
we'll reshape
332
00:14:21,476 --> 00:14:23,510
the contemptible fascists
of Mount Rushmore
333
00:14:23,545 --> 00:14:25,412
into history's
greatest leftists.
334
00:14:25,446 --> 00:14:28,949
Sean Penn, Michael Moore
and Captain Planet.
335
00:14:28,983 --> 00:14:30,617
Why didn't you change Jefferson?
336
00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,252
Well, he freed the slaves, so...
337
00:14:32,287 --> 00:14:33,787
he stays.
338
00:14:34,823 --> 00:14:37,191
I can't believe this.
339
00:14:37,225 --> 00:14:38,492
We're going through
with this, Hayley.
340
00:14:38,526 --> 00:14:40,360
No use trying
to talk me out of it.
341
00:14:40,395 --> 00:14:41,628
I'm not going to.
342
00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:43,030
I think it's awesome.
343
00:14:43,064 --> 00:14:45,699
Really?
Dad, this is exactly what I've been trying
344
00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:47,801
to get you to embrace
all these years.
345
00:14:47,836 --> 00:14:50,137
Now we can work together
to bring down the...
346
00:14:50,171 --> 00:14:51,505
Plutocratic, patriarchal,
347
00:14:51,539 --> 00:14:53,340
military industrial complex!
348
00:14:54,976 --> 00:14:57,611
I can't wait to help
you guys pull this off,
349
00:14:57,645 --> 00:14:59,780
but, um, can I go
to the bathroom real quick?
350
00:14:59,814 --> 00:15:01,882
I'm going to enjoy
a movement of my own.
351
00:15:01,916 --> 00:15:04,017
Clever!
352
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,459
- Hello?
- Avery, it's Hayley.
353
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,595
I have to talk to you.
I was kidnapped.
354
00:15:14,629 --> 00:15:17,865
Stop right there.
Let me switch to a secure line.
355
00:15:17,899 --> 00:15:19,266
All right.
356
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:22,870
When you were kidnapped,
what were you wearing?
357
00:15:22,904 --> 00:15:25,606
Do you currently
have access to your nipples?
358
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,610
What? N-No, Avery, I-I was
kidnapped by terrorists.
359
00:15:29,644 --> 00:15:32,746
Oh, my God, you're so bad
at sexy phone calls.
360
00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:34,248
Damn it!
361
00:15:34,282 --> 00:15:36,049
Come on, come on, come on.
362
00:15:36,084 --> 00:15:40,120
Mmm. I don't know where your
back ends and my hands begin.
363
00:15:40,155 --> 00:15:43,123
Oh! The outside world.
364
00:15:43,158 --> 00:15:45,659
- Hello?
- Roger, it's Hayley.
365
00:15:45,693 --> 00:15:47,694
Look, I've been
kidnapped by my dad.
366
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:49,129
He's working with terrorists...
367
00:15:49,164 --> 00:15:51,064
Hayley, my hands are dripping
with coconut oil.
368
00:15:51,099 --> 00:15:52,232
I can't talk.
369
00:15:54,068 --> 00:15:56,303
Now, where were we?
370
00:15:56,337 --> 00:15:59,106
Oh... yeah, here.
371
00:16:01,142 --> 00:16:03,544
Steve? Roger?
372
00:16:03,578 --> 00:16:05,579
Are you up there?
373
00:16:06,915 --> 00:16:09,049
What? Wh-What have
we been doing?!
374
00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:11,385
I-It must have been
the candles, right?
375
00:16:11,419 --> 00:16:13,554
Get out.
376
00:16:14,923 --> 00:16:17,224
911, what is your emergency?
377
00:16:17,258 --> 00:16:19,626
Betraitor!
378
00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:23,397
All right, Stan.
379
00:16:23,431 --> 00:16:26,066
Finish setting up the launcher
while we go get high for this.
380
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:29,636
I want to be as high
as I was during Life of Pi.
381
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,076
Dad, don't do this.
This isn't you.
382
00:16:36,110 --> 00:16:37,744
Hayley, you should be happy.
383
00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:39,880
I'm a leftist radical,
just like you are.
384
00:16:39,914 --> 00:16:41,949
But that's not who you are.
385
00:16:41,983 --> 00:16:44,284
You've always hated
my liberal ideas.
386
00:16:44,319 --> 00:16:46,954
Remember how mad you got when I
filled your gas tank with sugar
387
00:16:46,988 --> 00:16:49,223
to encourage you
to ride my bike to work?
388
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:55,562
The chain kept coming off and I
had to ask a weird man for help.
389
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:59,066
Yeah. Yeah!
390
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,468
It made you really mad,
didn't it?
391
00:17:01,503 --> 00:17:05,405
But, but I did reduce my carbon
footprint for two days, so...
392
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,473
well done.
393
00:17:06,508 --> 00:17:08,809
Okay, but remember
how upset you got
394
00:17:08,843 --> 00:17:11,245
when my fourth grade teacher
asked what you did on Career Day
395
00:17:11,279 --> 00:17:14,414
and I said you introduced crack
and AIDS to the ghetto?
396
00:17:14,449 --> 00:17:17,417
I've told you time and again
that AIDS was the FBI.
397
00:17:17,452 --> 00:17:19,820
But, but it's good
to be sensitive
398
00:17:19,854 --> 00:17:22,923
to the socioeconomically
disadvantaged and their pain.
399
00:17:22,957 --> 00:17:24,925
Yeah? Well, what about your pain
400
00:17:24,959 --> 00:17:27,394
when me and my friends protested
on our front lawn
401
00:17:27,428 --> 00:17:28,862
for four months?
402
00:17:31,399 --> 00:17:33,233
I'd just had that lawn seeded.
403
00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:35,102
All those hippies urinating...
404
00:17:35,136 --> 00:17:38,105
But, but I guess
you did raise awareness for...
405
00:17:38,139 --> 00:17:40,140
for...
406
00:17:41,543 --> 00:17:42,776
...for nothing!
407
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:44,645
It wasn't even clear
what you were protesting!
408
00:17:44,679 --> 00:17:46,847
Were you against soap?
Getting jobs?
409
00:17:46,881 --> 00:17:48,515
Having sex in private?!
410
00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:50,651
All right, Stan, we're ready.
411
00:17:50,685 --> 00:17:51,985
Launch the missiles.
412
00:17:52,020 --> 00:17:54,655
Launch? I-I...
413
00:17:54,689 --> 00:17:56,723
I can't.
414
00:17:56,758 --> 00:17:58,659
Why not? Are you all right?
415
00:17:58,693 --> 00:17:59,660
Yes.
416
00:17:59,694 --> 00:18:01,528
You had me all left.
417
00:18:01,563 --> 00:18:03,964
But now I'm all right.
418
00:18:03,998 --> 00:18:06,767
I don't understand.
What's he... Oh, I get it.
419
00:18:06,801 --> 00:18:09,503
He's using "right"
in the political sense.
420
00:18:09,537 --> 00:18:11,839
His brainwashing's
been compromised!
421
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,540
Seize him!
422
00:18:28,056 --> 00:18:30,357
Dude! You wouldn't hurt a guy
in a wheelchair.
423
00:18:30,391 --> 00:18:31,558
Of course not.
424
00:18:31,593 --> 00:18:34,328
But I would hurt a guy
with his wheelchair.
425
00:18:39,467 --> 00:18:41,368
Dad? Are you really back?
426
00:18:41,403 --> 00:18:42,836
Yes, Hayley, I am.
427
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:44,838
It seems the only
force strong enough
428
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,173
to break their brainwashing
429
00:18:46,207 --> 00:18:49,176
was a lifetime of
disappointment in my daughter.
430
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:50,677
It is you!
431
00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:52,546
Dad!
432
00:18:57,285 --> 00:18:59,620
Oh, no!
What have I done?
433
00:19:16,604 --> 00:19:18,906
What... what the hell
just happened?
434
00:19:21,176 --> 00:19:22,676
Well done, Smith.
435
00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:24,411
Or should I say, Smiths.
436
00:19:24,446 --> 00:19:25,779
Deputy Director Bullock?
437
00:19:25,814 --> 00:19:27,214
Let me explain.
438
00:19:27,248 --> 00:19:29,049
We needed
to test Mount Rushmore's
439
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:31,118
new anti-missile
laser defense,
440
00:19:31,152 --> 00:19:33,754
so we figured
the easiest way to do that
441
00:19:33,788 --> 00:19:36,657
would be to brainwash
our most loyal agent
442
00:19:36,691 --> 00:19:38,492
into firing missiles at it.
443
00:19:38,526 --> 00:19:39,927
Really?
That was the easiest way?
444
00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,261
No.
445
00:19:41,296 --> 00:19:44,732
But South Dakota had a lot
of Homeland Security funds
446
00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:46,667
just sitting around,
so we figured
447
00:19:46,701 --> 00:19:48,635
we should do
something cool with it.
448
00:19:48,670 --> 00:19:50,404
Are you insane?!
449
00:19:50,438 --> 00:19:53,240
Millions of kids go to bed
hungry every night,
450
00:19:53,274 --> 00:19:56,643
but you waste money making
Abe Lincoln into a Transformer?
451
00:19:56,678 --> 00:19:58,112
God, you're annoying.
452
00:19:58,146 --> 00:19:59,680
Everything you say is annoying.
453
00:19:59,714 --> 00:20:01,014
This guy gets it.
454
00:20:01,049 --> 00:20:03,884
Smith, let me introduce you
to the CIA agents
455
00:20:03,918 --> 00:20:06,787
who pretended to be
anticapitalist activists
456
00:20:06,821 --> 00:20:09,089
so they could kidnap
and brainwash you.
457
00:20:10,592 --> 00:20:11,792
Duper?!
458
00:20:11,826 --> 00:20:13,193
Jackson?!
459
00:20:13,228 --> 00:20:15,696
Oh, my God,
those disguises are amazing!
460
00:20:15,730 --> 00:20:17,231
That's because they're made
461
00:20:17,265 --> 00:20:19,299
with real skin from the Orient.
462
00:20:19,334 --> 00:20:21,535
Wait a minute, then-then
who was playing Artemis?
463
00:20:21,569 --> 00:20:24,038
Oh, he was actually
a dangerous activist.
464
00:20:24,072 --> 00:20:25,706
So good job beating
him to death.
465
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:28,542
He did have a child that may
come for vengeance someday,
466
00:20:28,576 --> 00:20:30,344
but he's also in a wheelchair,
467
00:20:30,378 --> 00:20:32,413
so walk halfway up a staircase
468
00:20:32,447 --> 00:20:34,548
or find a curb, you'll be fine.
469
00:20:38,253 --> 00:20:41,121
Well, Dad, it really
is good to have you back.
470
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,057
It's good to be back, Hayley.
471
00:20:43,091 --> 00:20:45,125
Come on, let's go home.
472
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,960
Well, we've got a long
drive ahead of us.
473
00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:48,429
What are we gonna talk about?
474
00:20:48,463 --> 00:20:49,596
Not much.
475
00:20:49,988 --> 00:20:54,805
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com