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♪ Good morning, USA!
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
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♪ Good...
♪ Good morning, USA
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com.
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This is the story of,
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the familiest place on Earth.
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Just like the sign says.
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Why did I have to read that?
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Can't the audience read it?
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Oh, they can't.
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Right.
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It's gonna be
so great to finally
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spend some time as a family.
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It seems like we never
get to do that anymore.
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What are you talking about?
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You're forgetting
our five-week run
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as champions on Family Feud.
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Five weeks?
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That was all shot
in one afternoon.
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Shh. That's a
TV secret.
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All I'm saying is that
last time we came here
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was one of the best days
this family's had together.
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Look how happy we were.
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Francine, they don't care.
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They're all on their
mobile devices.
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They're in their own world.
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You're right. Stan,
can you please tell them
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to put down their iPads
for a second?
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Francine, I'm trying to
concentrate on the road.
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And I'm on my last lap.
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Whatever.
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Mom's cinnamon cookies!
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Terrific. No one
cares about me,
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they just care
about my cookies.
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I don't even care
about your cookies.
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We're at the one place
in all the world
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where you can
get Trippin' Balls--
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tiny pellets
of futuristic ice cream.
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Hey, guys, let's all sing
the Trippin' Balls song.
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♪ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls. ♪
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Paul Anka wrote that
in a night.
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In a night.
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Smith.
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Sir, what are you doing here?
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Yeah, Avery, shouldn't you
be here with your family?
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I don't have a family.
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What about that Indian
baby you have sometimes?
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This isn't one of those times.
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But I am a family-phile.
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I have a fetish
for family things.
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I know the word "fetish"
makes it sound sexual.
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Which is good, because it is.
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I see you're all together.
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Oh, look!
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It's Mikey Muskrat
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and the founder
of the park, Roy Family.
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Wasn't Roy Family
a total weirdo?
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Yep, I heard he was
cryogenically frozen
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somewhere in the park
and that he used to have
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two tamed caterpillars
as a mustache.
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Are you sure you're not
talking about Walt Disney?
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Who?
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Oh, my God,
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it smells so yummy around here.
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Ugh, yeah, they pump in pleasant
smells to make you happier
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and want to buy things.
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You're such a cynic.
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Okay, everybody,
what should we do first?
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I know what I'm doing.
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Straight to Cartoon City.
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It's where Mikey Muskrat
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and all of his cartoon pals
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go about their daily lives.
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They live, they laugh,
they love, they learn.
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They're just like us, really.
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Except they don't bleed,
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and most of them wear bow ties
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and gloves but not pants.
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Forget Cartoon City.
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I'm gonna go
to Wild Wild West World
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and ride
Brokeback Splash Mountain.
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It's just one long, dark tunnel
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where anything can happen.
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I vote Outer Space Land.
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Can you picture
what these idiots
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think space looks like?
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It's gonna be Ground Control
to Major Lame.
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Oh. I guess
that was kinda lame.
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Yeah? Well, I'm going
to Fairytale Land
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to teach little girls
that princesses
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are an outdated
stereotype perpetuated
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by a male-dominated
society.
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Well, good news.
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There's time for us
to do everything together.
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We can start in Cartoon City,
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and then head over
to Simpler Times Mountain
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for our picnic lunch at noon,
just like we did last time.
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Hey, where did everybody go?
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They ditched you,
Franny. But not me.
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I just rudely walked away
as you were talking.
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You did?
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When did you...
Oh, I get it.
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Hey, you're cutting!
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How about I show you
what real cutting is, huh?
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I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
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Can you speak into
my microphone?
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Whoa, things just got real.
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Oh, boy, looks like
cartoon rush hour
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is just kicking in.
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I want to be a princess
like you when I grow up.
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Well, then you just find
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the best looking boy you can
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and do whatever he says.
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Don't listen to her.
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You don't need a boy
to define your identity.
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You're a strong,
independent girl.
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Seriously, whatever he says.
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Even if it's
something you think
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shouldn't be asked
of a princess.
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Because he'll find
a princess who will.
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Out of my way, people!
I'm here to laugh
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at how cheesy
Outer Space Land is.
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Oh... my... God.
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They got it exactly right.
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Just like the flying cars
on tracks at home.
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Get outta town, you jezebel!
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It's 1:00.
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No one showed up for lunch.
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Some family vacation this is.
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Well, at least we're together.
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Yeah, and they just
unload you on me.
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Real great park, Roy.
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Familyland, my ass.
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Whoa, you're the guy
from the statue!
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This isn't Familyland.
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Gluttony.
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Selfishness.
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Ugh!
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It's become something
sick and perverted.
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Shut it down.
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Shut it all down.
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Hey, you're the boss.
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Attention Familyland patrons,
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Familyland is
temporarily closed.
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Forever.
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What's happening?
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Relax, Francine.
It's just a show.
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This is not a show.
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Familyland is now a prison.
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You will die here.
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Oh, look at that.
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This is definitely a show.
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Honey, get up.
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The talking fist
says it's a show.
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Honey?
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No!
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I-It's a show.
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And so, the Great Wall rose
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and Familyland was
thrown into chaos.
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And the people lost
all semblance of civilization.
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Get 'im!
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Resources were scarce
and tempers flared
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as the kingdom hovered
on the brink of war.
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Out of the chaos,
four kings rose to power.
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In the north, the Tween King
and his army of whiny turds.
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To the east, the Feminist Queen
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and her army
of splay-legged princesses.
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In the south,
a strange-headed man
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leads an army
of futuristic astronauts
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that are also
somehow old-timey.
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And to the west,
the Cowboy King,
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Black Stan
and the Italian Stallions.
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Was there anything else?
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Let's see, Francine and Klaus
are tooling around the park,
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00:09:02,194 --> 00:09:03,995
but you'll see them.
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Yep, I think that covers it.
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00:09:06,332 --> 00:09:08,266
All right,
talk to you next time
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00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:09,534
there's something to explain.
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Four kings.
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Not so fast.
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All evens.
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Two, four, six,
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eight and ten.
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Bear, play my favorite song!
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♪ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls ♪
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♪ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls... ♪
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00:09:46,238 --> 00:09:48,973
Damn it, Roger's been playing
that on a loop all day.
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Time to teach him a lesson.
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Let's ride.
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00:09:53,278 --> 00:09:56,748
♪ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls... ♪
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Can I help you with something?
195
00:10:00,319 --> 00:10:01,586
You know why I'm here.
196
00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:03,788
You've been playing
that jingle day and night.
197
00:10:03,822 --> 00:10:05,823
I can't hear my piano bear.
198
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:08,426
Sure, Stan, I'll happily
shut the music off.
199
00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:11,229
If you give me half your
supply of Trippin' Balls.
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00:10:11,263 --> 00:10:12,563
Yeah, right.
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00:10:12,598 --> 00:10:14,966
I'll give you a little time
to reconsider my offer.
202
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,803
But know that if you refuse,
the music will never stop.
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00:10:23,876 --> 00:10:26,444
♪ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls... ♪
204
00:10:26,478 --> 00:10:29,914
Have you had time
to reconsider?
205
00:10:29,948 --> 00:10:31,149
Oops, we overshot.
Hold on.
206
00:10:31,183 --> 00:10:32,717
L-Let me get this
to back up.
207
00:10:32,751 --> 00:10:35,119
Excuse me, can you
back me up a bit?
208
00:10:35,154 --> 00:10:37,055
Ugh, there's no reverse
on this thing.
209
00:10:37,089 --> 00:10:39,023
We're gonna have to do
another full rotation.
210
00:10:39,058 --> 00:10:40,792
Sit tight, Standy.
211
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:51,369
Do you want to see
me dance, sire?
212
00:10:51,403 --> 00:10:52,503
No, not really.
213
00:10:52,538 --> 00:10:53,604
Are you sure?
214
00:10:53,639 --> 00:10:55,907
Because it looks
something like this.
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00:10:55,941 --> 00:11:01,579
♪ Zoo zoo, zoo
zooby, zooby zoo. ♪
216
00:11:01,613 --> 00:11:04,115
You disrupted the king's
pleasurable dance.
217
00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:05,183
Guards, kill him!
218
00:11:05,217 --> 00:11:06,317
It's fine.
219
00:11:06,351 --> 00:11:07,652
Let him speak.
220
00:11:07,686 --> 00:11:09,253
Kill him later, got it.
221
00:11:09,288 --> 00:11:12,590
My king, I've returned from
my raid on Fairytale Land.
222
00:11:12,624 --> 00:11:14,392
I bring you churros.
223
00:11:14,426 --> 00:11:16,728
Churros to last a week.
224
00:11:18,197 --> 00:11:19,430
These are days old!
225
00:11:19,465 --> 00:11:22,700
And you've brought
no dipping sauce!
226
00:11:22,735 --> 00:11:24,335
Can we can kill him now?
227
00:11:24,369 --> 00:11:26,804
I don't want you to think
it's the only thing
228
00:11:26,839 --> 00:11:30,808
I'm focused on, but it's
all I can think about.
229
00:11:37,483 --> 00:11:39,917
Oh, I remember this ride.
230
00:11:39,952 --> 00:11:41,886
It was one of
the kids' favorites.
231
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,721
It looks abandoned.
232
00:11:43,756 --> 00:11:44,989
Maybe we can hide out here
233
00:11:45,023 --> 00:11:46,824
until everyone
comes to their senses.
234
00:11:46,859 --> 00:11:48,526
Great idea.
235
00:11:51,563 --> 00:11:53,865
I wonder why they closed this.
236
00:11:53,899 --> 00:11:56,100
I remember it being
very popular.
237
00:11:56,135 --> 00:11:57,268
Well, no one's here.
238
00:11:57,302 --> 00:11:59,337
Let's give it a whirl.
239
00:12:03,208 --> 00:12:05,209
Hello, I'm Pappy Van Pappy.
240
00:12:05,244 --> 00:12:07,011
I'd like to tell you a story
241
00:12:07,045 --> 00:12:09,514
about a rabbit I owned
that ran away.
242
00:12:09,548 --> 00:12:10,948
The rabbit's a metaphor.
243
00:12:10,983 --> 00:12:12,216
For a slave.
244
00:12:12,251 --> 00:12:14,152
Ain't that right,
Floppy Rabbit?
245
00:12:14,186 --> 00:12:17,021
Hmm. This ride
may be a bit dated.
246
00:12:17,055 --> 00:12:19,490
Well, it certainly
has my attention.
247
00:12:19,525 --> 00:12:21,092
And that's when I realized
248
00:12:21,126 --> 00:12:23,261
I like working
on farms for free.
249
00:12:23,295 --> 00:12:24,729
Bye, everybody!
250
00:12:24,763 --> 00:12:26,597
Wow.
251
00:12:26,632 --> 00:12:29,700
25 minutes
of uninterrupted racism.
252
00:12:29,735 --> 00:12:32,503
Yeah, if you don't count
all of your horrified gasps
253
00:12:32,538 --> 00:12:34,505
as interruptions.
254
00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:36,707
I wonder where
that elevator goes.
255
00:12:36,742 --> 00:12:39,410
Well, there's only
one way to find out.
256
00:12:42,114 --> 00:12:44,081
Hello, Francine.
257
00:12:44,116 --> 00:12:46,250
Roy Family?
258
00:12:46,285 --> 00:12:47,251
But-but you...
259
00:12:47,286 --> 00:12:48,586
Was frozen?
260
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,254
You're right, I were.
261
00:12:50,289 --> 00:12:52,356
But now I wasn't.
262
00:12:52,391 --> 00:12:54,926
Attention denizens
of Familyland.
263
00:12:56,595 --> 00:12:59,964
Now, times are trying
and rations run low,
264
00:12:59,998 --> 00:13:02,767
and I'm sure all of you'd
really like to go home.
265
00:13:02,801 --> 00:13:07,238
Which is why Uncle Roy's decided
to let the last army standing
266
00:13:07,272 --> 00:13:09,440
walk out the front door.
267
00:13:12,711 --> 00:13:15,713
I'm gonna kill the
last army standing, too.
268
00:13:15,747 --> 00:13:18,115
I just wanted to say
I am a big fan
269
00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:20,117
of Simpler Times Mountain.
270
00:13:23,565 --> 00:13:25,166
I don't understand.
271
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,667
You trapped us in the park
272
00:13:26,702 --> 00:13:29,303
so you could
watch us all kill each other?
273
00:13:29,338 --> 00:13:31,857
And-and why were you
frozen for 30 years?
274
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,244
Answer that last one first.
275
00:13:33,278 --> 00:13:34,478
Try not to tell me what to do.
276
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,896
I built Familyland
to be an Eden,
277
00:13:37,099 --> 00:13:39,433
and I wanted to see it
come to fruition.
278
00:13:39,468 --> 00:13:42,403
So I froze my body,
but not my mind,
279
00:13:42,437 --> 00:13:44,071
right in the center of the park.
280
00:13:44,106 --> 00:13:46,741
That way, I could
watch it all happen.
281
00:13:46,775 --> 00:13:49,210
You were conscious
that whole time?
282
00:13:49,244 --> 00:13:50,678
Oh, yeah, it was awful.
283
00:13:50,712 --> 00:13:53,214
And I had to watch what
happened to my creation.
284
00:13:53,248 --> 00:13:55,282
My park.
285
00:13:55,317 --> 00:13:59,253
Tainted by people who don't
appreciate the value of family.
286
00:13:59,287 --> 00:14:01,856
So, since they
destroyed my dreams,
287
00:14:01,890 --> 00:14:04,759
they can destroy each other.
288
00:14:04,793 --> 00:14:08,362
But... but
I appreciate family.
289
00:14:08,397 --> 00:14:09,964
That has to count
for something.
290
00:14:09,998 --> 00:14:11,365
It does, Francine.
291
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,000
You and I are of a kind.
292
00:14:13,035 --> 00:14:15,903
Which is why we're going to
watch the blood blath together.
293
00:14:15,937 --> 00:14:17,805
Did you just say "blath"?
294
00:14:17,839 --> 00:14:20,041
My tongue's been
frozen for 30 years.
295
00:14:20,075 --> 00:14:23,077
But don't worry,
it'll thaw out.
296
00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:31,152
Today, we go from tweens...
297
00:14:31,186 --> 00:14:32,820
to teens!
298
00:14:33,989 --> 00:14:36,824
Today, we fight for respect!
299
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,228
If we fight hard enough,
will we get husbands?
300
00:14:41,263 --> 00:14:43,064
No!
301
00:14:43,098 --> 00:14:46,367
Ugh, okay, I'll explain
this one more time.
302
00:14:46,401 --> 00:14:47,935
Are there
going to be casualties?
303
00:14:47,969 --> 00:14:48,936
Maybe.
304
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,504
But we're mostly grown men,
305
00:14:50,539 --> 00:14:52,940
and one of the armies
is entirely made up of children.
306
00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:55,309
I don't want to jinx it,
but I like our chances
307
00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:57,244
of going completely
casualty-free.
308
00:14:57,279 --> 00:15:00,748
Okay, I just realized
your laser guns aren't real.
309
00:15:00,782 --> 00:15:02,083
So I have a new strategy,
310
00:15:02,117 --> 00:15:04,452
and you're just gonna
have to trust me on this.
311
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:05,619
Die for me.
312
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:07,555
Die... for me.
313
00:15:07,589 --> 00:15:08,722
Okay?
314
00:15:08,757 --> 00:15:11,058
Any questions?
315
00:15:11,093 --> 00:15:12,793
No questions, good.
316
00:15:17,032 --> 00:15:18,165
Nice, isn't it?
317
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,633
This is where
we'll live, Francine,
318
00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:21,569
and you'll have
all the love and respect
319
00:15:21,603 --> 00:15:23,104
a woman like you deserves.
320
00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:26,107
What makes you think
I'd ever marry you?
321
00:15:26,141 --> 00:15:27,341
Marry?
322
00:15:27,375 --> 00:15:28,776
Listen to her.
323
00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:30,344
Captive for a half an hour
324
00:15:30,378 --> 00:15:32,646
and already trying
to flip it on me.
325
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:35,149
Sorry, this guy
can't be caught,
326
00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:37,785
but I encourage you to try.
327
00:15:39,054 --> 00:15:40,921
So why don't you
get going on some dinner.
328
00:15:40,956 --> 00:15:43,457
But you just said
you couldn't be caught.
329
00:15:43,492 --> 00:15:45,626
And then
I encouraged you to try.
330
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:47,094
I'll be in the control room
331
00:15:47,129 --> 00:15:49,263
watching your family
kill each other.
332
00:15:50,298 --> 00:15:52,133
Klaus, we have to do something.
333
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:53,868
They're all gonna
kill each other.
334
00:15:53,902 --> 00:15:56,070
Wait, what are all these fans?
335
00:15:57,439 --> 00:15:58,639
Look.
336
00:16:00,008 --> 00:16:01,342
Hayley was right.
337
00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:03,777
This is how they send smells
out into the park
338
00:16:03,812 --> 00:16:05,346
to get you to buy things.
339
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,047
That's it.
340
00:16:07,082 --> 00:16:09,550
Hey, Roy, do you have cinnamon?
341
00:16:09,584 --> 00:16:11,352
I want to make some cookies.
342
00:16:11,386 --> 00:16:14,388
Oh, my God,
would you leave me alone?!
343
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,931
That's right, kill each other.
344
00:17:57,959 --> 00:18:00,561
What's that smell?
345
00:18:00,595 --> 00:18:02,596
Cinnamon.
346
00:18:02,631 --> 00:18:05,032
Are... a-are those
Mom's cookies?
347
00:18:05,066 --> 00:18:07,301
I don't know,
but i-it smells like...
348
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:09,203
Home. Home.
Michael Chiklis.
349
00:18:09,237 --> 00:18:10,571
It's coming from up there.
350
00:18:12,641 --> 00:18:15,075
They stopped fighting.
What did you do?
351
00:18:15,110 --> 00:18:17,878
I baked my ass off.
352
00:18:22,284 --> 00:18:23,484
Francine!
353
00:18:23,518 --> 00:18:24,585
We smelled your cookies!
354
00:18:24,619 --> 00:18:26,520
You made us remember, Mom.
355
00:18:26,554 --> 00:18:28,522
I'm so glad you guys are here!
356
00:18:28,556 --> 00:18:31,058
That man, Roy Family,
357
00:18:31,092 --> 00:18:33,127
h-he took me hostage,
358
00:18:33,161 --> 00:18:36,030
he-he made me
iron his pants.
359
00:18:36,064 --> 00:18:37,665
I don't care who you are.
360
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:40,534
Francine only irons
one person's pants,
361
00:18:40,568 --> 00:18:42,903
and that's all of ours.
362
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,475
Well done.
363
00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:49,576
What?
364
00:18:49,611 --> 00:18:51,845
You're why I built Familyland.
365
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,614
I wanted a place where families
366
00:18:53,648 --> 00:18:55,816
would find their
way back together.
367
00:18:55,850 --> 00:18:57,818
You were broken, but, Francine,
368
00:18:57,852 --> 00:19:01,522
you showed me that the
Smith family is worthy.
369
00:19:01,556 --> 00:19:02,523
Wait, Smith.
370
00:19:02,557 --> 00:19:04,058
That's not Jewish, is it?
371
00:19:05,193 --> 00:19:08,395
Then yes, you are indeed
a worthy family.
372
00:19:08,430 --> 00:19:10,564
And, um, here.
373
00:19:10,598 --> 00:19:13,233
Here is your reward.
374
00:19:13,268 --> 00:19:14,902
Ooh, lifetime passes.
375
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:16,203
It was worth it!
376
00:19:16,237 --> 00:19:18,172
It was all worth it!
377
00:19:19,207 --> 00:19:20,808
What will you do now?
378
00:19:20,842 --> 00:19:21,875
Leave your family.
379
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:23,143
Come live with me forever.
380
00:19:23,178 --> 00:19:24,378
We'll get an apartment.
381
00:19:24,412 --> 00:19:26,013
What? No.
382
00:19:26,047 --> 00:19:28,015
Then I shall return
to my slumber,
383
00:19:28,049 --> 00:19:32,019
until I'm awakened again
by another family's strife.
384
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:41,662
Oh, wait, I got to
go to the bathr...
385
00:19:43,398 --> 00:19:45,999
There are a lot of blackout
dates on these lifetime passes.
386
00:19:46,034 --> 00:19:49,937
So, are we just gonna ignore
all the truly horrible things
387
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,739
that took place
in the last week?
388
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,941
Gosh, Francine, I think we are.
389
00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:56,910
And that was the last
time Familyland was visited
390
00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:58,545
by the Smith family.
391
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:00,748
Or any family, for that matter,
392
00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:04,451
as it was closed immediately
under a mountain of lawsuits.
393
00:20:04,486 --> 00:20:08,055
In its place stands a memorial
wall for the fallen.
394
00:20:08,089 --> 00:20:12,226
As for me, I was never
heard from again.
395
00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:16,063
But some say they still
see me in the park.
396
00:20:17,126 --> 00:20:19,700
♪ Zoo zoo, zoo zooby,
zooby zoo. ♪
397
00:20:19,734 --> 00:20:24,576
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com