1
00:00:14,221 --> 00:00:18,607
# And he's shining a salute
to the American race #
2
00:00:20,510 --> 00:00:23,896
# Oh, boy, it's swell to say
3
00:00:23,930 --> 00:00:25,898
# Good...
# Good morning, USA
4
00:00:25,932 --> 00:00:27,449
Aah!
5
00:00:28,735 --> 00:00:32,137
# Good morning, USA!
6
00:00:34,641 --> 00:00:36,876
So, can I get you guys a drink to start?
7
00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:38,143
Iced tea, soda?
8
00:00:38,178 --> 00:00:39,478
Tap water's fine,
9
00:00:39,513 --> 00:00:41,914
and we'll take a basket
of your free-est bread.
10
00:00:41,948 --> 00:00:43,699
Dad, can we get an appetizer?
11
00:00:44,701 --> 00:00:47,102
Appetizer?
12
00:00:47,137 --> 00:00:50,089
Honey, good news, Hayley has
been made the Queen of Denmark.
13
00:00:50,123 --> 00:00:52,141
You better give Kingorva T an heir
14
00:00:52,175 --> 00:00:53,993
before he discovers
you've spent all his treasure
15
00:00:54,027 --> 00:00:55,427
on jalapeƱo poppers.
16
00:00:55,462 --> 00:00:57,947
I don't think he wants you
to get an appetizer.
17
00:00:57,981 --> 00:00:59,415
What's the big deal?
18
00:00:59,449 --> 00:01:02,051
The big deal is I'm the only one
in this family with a job,
19
00:01:02,085 --> 00:01:03,485
and it's a low-paying
government job.
20
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,887
And your mom doesn't make a cent,
21
00:01:04,921 --> 00:01:06,939
but at least she lets
me have sex with her,
22
00:01:06,973 --> 00:01:08,941
which is more than I
can say for you two.
23
00:01:08,975 --> 00:01:10,175
Wait.
24
00:01:10,210 --> 00:01:11,477
Do you want us to have...
25
00:01:11,511 --> 00:01:13,812
No, but it wouldn't hurt
to offer once in a while.
26
00:01:13,847 --> 00:01:16,448
Anyway, I crunched some numbers
and with the way we spend money,
27
00:01:16,483 --> 00:01:17,917
we're gonna be broke in no time.
28
00:01:17,951 --> 00:01:20,553
We'll just share the grilled
chicken off the kids menu.
29
00:01:20,587 --> 00:01:21,921
And make sure you grill it...
30
00:01:21,955 --> 00:01:23,956
on the barbie.
31
00:01:23,990 --> 00:01:25,224
Pretty good, huh?
32
00:01:25,258 --> 00:01:27,526
Gina, consider that amazing
impression your tip.
33
00:01:27,561 --> 00:01:29,562
Because you won't be getting a tip.
34
00:01:31,514 --> 00:01:33,282
Well, Stan, I've got some news
35
00:01:33,316 --> 00:01:36,285
that might just put your
money troubles in the rearview.
36
00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,554
Guess who's getting
out of jail tomorrow.
37
00:01:38,588 --> 00:01:40,222
Charles Manson?
38
00:01:40,257 --> 00:01:41,891
He's gonna finish what he started?
39
00:01:41,925 --> 00:01:43,425
What? No.
40
00:01:43,460 --> 00:01:45,794
I'll give you a hint:
He's rich, he's obnoxious,
41
00:01:45,829 --> 00:01:49,531
and he loves showering
this family with gifts and cash.
42
00:01:49,566 --> 00:01:50,766
Max Jets?
43
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,201
The one and only.
44
00:01:52,235 --> 00:01:53,736
Really?
Oh, my God.
45
00:01:53,770 --> 00:01:54,837
Crikey!
46
00:01:54,871 --> 00:01:57,006
Six years that guy's been
in the slammer.
47
00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,808
Wonder if I'll even recognize
him when I pick him up.
48
00:02:37,330 --> 00:02:39,648
Max Jets, you're free to go.
49
00:02:39,683 --> 00:02:40,916
Great.
50
00:02:40,951 --> 00:02:42,384
Sorry to see you go, Max.
51
00:02:42,419 --> 00:02:44,219
You were a model prisoner.
52
00:02:44,254 --> 00:02:46,789
You basically just slept for six years.
53
00:02:49,326 --> 00:02:51,560
Ugh, I can't believe you guys
54
00:02:51,594 --> 00:02:54,096
always go along
with this Max Jets charade.
55
00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:55,597
It's just Roger dressed up
56
00:02:55,632 --> 00:02:57,599
in another one of his stupid outfits.
57
00:02:57,634 --> 00:02:59,802
Yeah, but this character's loaded,
58
00:02:59,836 --> 00:03:01,070
so he's more likeable.
59
00:03:01,104 --> 00:03:03,806
He's an annoying,
inconsiderate old douche.
60
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,174
Last time he was here,
61
00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:07,843
dude borrowed my car and
returned it with no wiper fluid.
62
00:03:07,877 --> 00:03:09,478
I don't know what he did with it,
63
00:03:09,512 --> 00:03:11,113
spraying it all over town.
64
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:12,781
Well, we're gonna have to suck it up
65
00:03:12,816 --> 00:03:14,817
because I'm tired of
living on the cheap.
66
00:03:14,851 --> 00:03:17,319
I'm done using dirty Kleenex
as toilet paper,
67
00:03:17,354 --> 00:03:19,388
and vice versa.
68
00:03:19,422 --> 00:03:20,556
He's here.
69
00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:21,623
Smiles, everyone. Smiles.
70
00:03:21,675 --> 00:03:22,808
Max.
71
00:03:22,842 --> 00:03:24,943
Don't get too close.
I got a cold.
72
00:03:24,978 --> 00:03:26,645
Ah... ah...
73
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:27,846
Ah-choo!
74
00:03:27,881 --> 00:03:29,515
Max is back.
75
00:03:29,549 --> 00:03:32,234
You're so clever.
Spending mucus!
76
00:03:32,268 --> 00:03:34,737
Oh, Max, it's so good to see you.
77
00:03:34,771 --> 00:03:36,872
And it looks like
you still have your fortune.
78
00:03:36,906 --> 00:03:39,241
Please, when you know what
I know about Bill Gates,
79
00:03:39,275 --> 00:03:41,810
the money faucet
just keeps a-flowin'.
80
00:03:41,845 --> 00:03:43,379
Oh, great, because
I have some dental work
81
00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:44,480
I've been putting off.
82
00:03:44,514 --> 00:03:46,148
I could use some new school clothes.
83
00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:48,117
I have an alarming amount
of credit card debt
84
00:03:48,151 --> 00:03:49,918
that I've been hiding from the family.
85
00:03:49,953 --> 00:03:50,986
Don't you worry.
86
00:03:51,021 --> 00:03:53,355
Max Jets will take care of everything.
87
00:03:53,390 --> 00:03:55,090
But first, I missed a lot of elections,
88
00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:56,625
so I got to vote real quick.
89
00:03:59,162 --> 00:04:00,529
Stan.
90
00:04:00,563 --> 00:04:02,197
Aren't you tired of washing your face
91
00:04:02,232 --> 00:04:03,832
after every time you blow your nose?
92
00:04:03,867 --> 00:04:05,534
Let him vote.
93
00:04:05,568 --> 00:04:07,102
Oh, Max.
94
00:04:07,137 --> 00:04:08,554
Click.
95
00:04:08,588 --> 00:04:10,389
Democracy gets me hungry.
96
00:04:10,423 --> 00:04:12,791
What do you say we go out
to a nice dinner on me?
97
00:04:12,826 --> 00:04:13,892
All right.
Yeah.
98
00:04:13,927 --> 00:04:15,027
Appetizers.
99
00:04:15,061 --> 00:04:16,478
I'm so glad you're back, Max.
100
00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:17,646
Me, too.
101
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,481
Oh, special election.
102
00:04:22,869 --> 00:04:25,137
You let him.
103
00:04:27,674 --> 00:04:30,309
Max, paying all our bills was one thing,
104
00:04:30,343 --> 00:04:32,344
but all these gifts...
105
00:04:32,378 --> 00:04:34,813
I mean my fur,
106
00:04:34,848 --> 00:04:37,816
these diamonds, Stan's grill.
107
00:04:39,919 --> 00:04:41,687
This is just the beginning.
108
00:04:41,721 --> 00:04:44,189
Hey, you with the ass
I'd like to take a nap on,
109
00:04:44,224 --> 00:04:45,457
we're ready to order.
110
00:04:45,492 --> 00:04:46,892
Oh, great, you guys.
111
00:04:46,926 --> 00:04:48,560
I'll get you the bread and ice water.
112
00:04:48,595 --> 00:04:49,628
Ice water?
113
00:04:49,662 --> 00:04:51,697
I want every soda and beer you got.
114
00:04:51,731 --> 00:04:53,799
You know what? Just bring us
everything on the menu.
115
00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:55,868
And while you're at it,
bring us all the menus.
116
00:04:55,902 --> 00:04:57,770
I don't want anyone else
ordering while we're here.
117
00:04:58,905 --> 00:05:00,005
And this is for you.
118
00:05:00,039 --> 00:05:02,141
I'm pre-tipping,
and if you like the tip,
119
00:05:02,175 --> 00:05:04,843
later on I'll give you
the whole thing. Oh-ho-ho!
120
00:05:04,878 --> 00:05:06,578
Very appropriate, Max.
121
00:05:06,613 --> 00:05:08,430
So, uh, what's the plan?
122
00:05:08,465 --> 00:05:10,099
You know, now that you're out of prison.
123
00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:12,067
Well, Stan, I'm a changed man.
124
00:05:12,102 --> 00:05:13,735
Now that I've been raped by some guys
125
00:05:13,770 --> 00:05:15,070
that actually know what they're doing,
126
00:05:15,105 --> 00:05:17,339
I just want to share,
you know, give a little back.
127
00:05:17,373 --> 00:05:19,675
So, you're gonna give
all your money to charity?
128
00:05:22,245 --> 00:05:23,812
I'm sorry.
I didn't hear you, dear.
129
00:05:23,847 --> 00:05:25,080
My ears aren't working so well.
130
00:05:25,115 --> 00:05:27,583
I got AIDS in prison.
131
00:05:27,617 --> 00:05:29,651
Hearing aids;
I should really use them.
132
00:05:29,686 --> 00:05:31,937
Then I might've heard that guy
who snuck up on me
133
00:05:31,971 --> 00:05:33,939
in the shower and gave me HIV.
134
00:05:33,973 --> 00:05:35,874
Anyhow, I'm not a young man anymore,
135
00:05:35,909 --> 00:05:37,826
and I just want to spend my money
136
00:05:37,861 --> 00:05:39,595
on the only people in my life.
137
00:05:39,629 --> 00:05:40,963
You people.
138
00:05:40,997 --> 00:05:42,264
You people?!
139
00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:43,532
Who are you calling, "You people"?
140
00:05:43,566 --> 00:05:45,234
Them.
Oh, sorry.
141
00:05:45,268 --> 00:05:46,902
I thought you meant the letter U.
142
00:05:46,936 --> 00:05:48,337
As in the "U People."
143
00:05:48,371 --> 00:05:50,439
I've been looking for them
for a long time.
144
00:05:50,473 --> 00:05:51,807
They live underground, you see.
145
00:05:51,841 --> 00:05:53,575
That's where the U comes from.
146
00:05:53,610 --> 00:05:54,877
They're hard to find,
147
00:05:54,911 --> 00:05:58,113
but if you find one, it is tasty.
148
00:05:58,148 --> 00:05:59,681
Okay.
149
00:05:59,732 --> 00:06:02,151
I need to get as far away
from this weirdo as possible.
150
00:06:02,185 --> 00:06:03,685
How about we all go to Spain?
151
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,654
On me.
152
00:06:08,191 --> 00:06:10,492
Spain's gonna be incredible.
153
00:06:10,527 --> 00:06:13,162
I can't wait to be so close to Portugal.
154
00:06:13,196 --> 00:06:16,098
Morning, all.
155
00:06:16,132 --> 00:06:17,466
So, what's going on?
156
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,334
We were just talking
about how excited we are
157
00:06:19,369 --> 00:06:20,602
for our trip to Spain,
158
00:06:20,637 --> 00:06:22,738
the birthplace of Mexican napping.
159
00:06:22,772 --> 00:06:24,306
Yeah, about that.
160
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,707
I don't think we're gonna go.
161
00:06:25,742 --> 00:06:27,342
Oh, and all that stuff I bought you,
162
00:06:27,377 --> 00:06:28,510
I'm gonna need that back.
163
00:06:28,545 --> 00:06:29,370
What?
164
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,716
Yeah, Gina says I've
been spending too much money.
165
00:06:31,836 --> 00:06:33,222
Gina? Who's Gina?
166
00:06:33,342 --> 00:06:35,083
My new sweetheart.
167
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:38,684
You didn't gasp.
168
00:06:38,804 --> 00:06:40,944
That's 'cause I don't understand
what's happening.
169
00:06:41,064 --> 00:06:43,125
We just lost our sugar daddy.
170
00:06:43,159 --> 00:06:45,204
Oh, now I get it.
171
00:06:45,324 --> 00:06:47,497
Liar. You have no idea
what I'm talking about.
172
00:06:53,901 --> 00:06:55,902
Max, the waitress?
173
00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:58,505
Waitresses are supposed to date waiters.
174
00:06:58,539 --> 00:06:59,773
What the hell?
175
00:06:59,807 --> 00:07:01,441
How did you two even wind up together?
176
00:07:01,476 --> 00:07:03,443
Well, last night after my shift,
177
00:07:03,478 --> 00:07:05,145
I found him changing his diaper
178
00:07:05,179 --> 00:07:06,819
behind his Rolls Royce
in the parking lot.
179
00:07:06,848 --> 00:07:09,449
Those teriyaki wings shot
through me like a bullet.
180
00:07:09,484 --> 00:07:11,084
And we just really hit it off.
181
00:07:11,118 --> 00:07:12,686
We've been together ever since.
182
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,488
Exclamation point!
Look at that.
183
00:07:14,522 --> 00:07:16,456
We're already finishing
each other's sentences.
184
00:07:16,491 --> 00:07:18,158
Well, providing punctuation,
but that's...
185
00:07:18,192 --> 00:07:19,259
A start.
186
00:07:19,293 --> 00:07:20,427
Hey!
Hey!
187
00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:22,362
Come on, honey, let's go buy you a car
188
00:07:22,396 --> 00:07:25,398
and some Botox
for your super-bumpy areolas.
189
00:07:27,318 --> 00:07:29,603
No way she could be interested in Max.
190
00:07:29,637 --> 00:07:31,872
Hot girls are never into guys that old.
191
00:07:31,906 --> 00:07:34,241
Unless they're after one thing.
192
00:07:34,275 --> 00:07:35,909
Fatherly advice.
193
00:07:35,943 --> 00:07:37,978
Do you seriously still
not know what's going on?
194
00:07:38,012 --> 00:07:39,312
Ehh.
195
00:07:39,347 --> 00:07:41,515
After all the money
we've let him spend on us,
196
00:07:41,549 --> 00:07:42,782
we can't just let him stop.
197
00:07:42,817 --> 00:07:45,318
So many secret elections.
198
00:07:45,353 --> 00:07:48,054
We have to convince Max
to get rid of Gina.
199
00:07:48,089 --> 00:07:50,991
Because she's gonna take all our money.
200
00:07:51,025 --> 00:07:52,926
Way to go, Mom;
you get it.
201
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,761
I understand everything.
202
00:07:54,795 --> 00:07:57,797
There's still time
to save Des Moines.
203
00:08:05,439 --> 00:08:08,858
So Gina seems really nice, but...
204
00:08:08,893 --> 00:08:10,911
...there is quite
an age difference
205
00:08:10,945 --> 00:08:12,445
between you two and...
206
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,749
...sometimes a girl
can seem interested,
207
00:08:15,783 --> 00:08:19,586
and I'm not saying she's not, but...
208
00:08:19,620 --> 00:08:20,754
She's a gold digger, bro.
209
00:08:20,788 --> 00:08:22,022
Don't be ridiculous.
210
00:08:22,056 --> 00:08:24,491
Wake up, leprechaun.
She's after your gold.
211
00:08:24,525 --> 00:08:26,960
I assure you, Stan.
Gina loves me.
212
00:08:26,994 --> 00:08:29,095
She hasn't asked me for a single cent.
213
00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:31,381
In fact, the only thing
she wants to do is sing.
214
00:08:31,415 --> 00:08:33,250
Which is why I built her this.
215
00:08:33,284 --> 00:08:34,918
What happened to the basement?
216
00:08:34,952 --> 00:08:36,052
Where's the water heater?
217
00:08:36,087 --> 00:08:37,254
Hey, baby.
218
00:08:37,288 --> 00:08:39,756
I've got my cans on.
219
00:08:39,790 --> 00:08:41,591
Yeah, you do, baby.
220
00:08:41,626 --> 00:08:44,794
"Cans" is recording studio
talk for huge breasts.
221
00:08:44,829 --> 00:08:46,846
Look, Stan, I appreciate your concern,
222
00:08:46,881 --> 00:08:49,683
but the love Gina has for me is pure.
223
00:08:53,554 --> 00:08:55,255
# My love is pure
224
00:08:55,289 --> 00:08:57,140
# Purely for money
225
00:08:57,174 --> 00:08:59,092
# Money from people
226
00:08:59,126 --> 00:09:00,560
# Who I don't love
227
00:09:00,595 --> 00:09:02,796
# Old men disgust me
228
00:09:02,830 --> 00:09:04,831
# I'd never love one
229
00:09:04,865 --> 00:09:07,867
# Unless they give me money
230
00:09:07,902 --> 00:09:10,804
# Hands across America,
bitches. #
231
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,308
I know what you're thinking, Stan.
232
00:09:15,343 --> 00:09:17,010
One take, no mistake.
233
00:09:17,044 --> 00:09:18,678
Slap it in the oven, easy bake.
234
00:09:18,713 --> 00:09:21,715
What do you think, Jeremy?
Is it a hit?
235
00:09:28,556 --> 00:09:29,756
I brought you guys here
236
00:09:29,790 --> 00:09:31,391
so you can get to know Gina better.
237
00:09:31,425 --> 00:09:34,060
I know you have your doubts,
but once you get to know her,
238
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,930
I'm sure you'll see what I see.
239
00:09:40,818 --> 00:09:42,402
Breathe.
240
00:09:42,436 --> 00:09:43,803
Hey, guys.
241
00:09:43,838 --> 00:09:46,339
Hot enough for you?
242
00:09:46,374 --> 00:09:47,641
Listen, Chuckles.
243
00:09:47,675 --> 00:09:50,043
I know what you're up to,
and I don't like it.
244
00:09:50,077 --> 00:09:51,528
I don't know what you're talking about.
245
00:09:51,562 --> 00:09:53,346
Don't you?
246
00:09:53,381 --> 00:09:54,831
Kiss her, Mommy. Kiss her.
247
00:09:58,336 --> 00:10:01,338
Come on, Maxie.
It's too crowded in here.
248
00:10:01,372 --> 00:10:03,206
Let's go play some volleyball.
249
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,308
You go. I'll have fun
watching you have fun.
250
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,726
Okay.
251
00:10:06,761 --> 00:10:10,163
Hey, why don't you two
lovebirds kiss before you go?
252
00:10:10,197 --> 00:10:11,898
Love to.
253
00:10:20,608 --> 00:10:23,393
See, Max, she's repulsed by you.
254
00:10:23,411 --> 00:10:25,545
What? She does that
every time we kiss.
255
00:10:25,579 --> 00:10:27,664
She says it's because
she gets so excited.
256
00:10:27,698 --> 00:10:29,232
Max, are you okay with that?
257
00:10:29,266 --> 00:10:30,400
With what?
258
00:10:30,434 --> 00:10:32,769
Stop.
259
00:10:32,803 --> 00:10:35,805
It's like a damn
Dr. Dre video out there.
260
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,341
I see what you mean.
261
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,076
I've been an old fool.
262
00:10:40,111 --> 00:10:41,261
This is not right.
263
00:10:41,295 --> 00:10:42,429
No, it's not right.
264
00:10:42,463 --> 00:10:44,597
It's offensive.
Right in your face.
265
00:10:44,632 --> 00:10:46,399
What's happening?
I zoned out for a second.
266
00:10:46,434 --> 00:10:47,667
I can't do this anymore.
267
00:10:47,702 --> 00:10:50,053
Gina? Gina, can I talk to you?
268
00:10:58,963 --> 00:11:01,064
That's right,
bitch. Cry.
269
00:11:01,098 --> 00:11:02,298
No more money for...
270
00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:03,867
Why is he getting down on one knee?
271
00:11:05,469 --> 00:11:07,537
Please be a bomb.
Please be a ring bomb.
272
00:11:10,741 --> 00:11:13,843
You were right!
I needed to lock this down!
273
00:11:13,878 --> 00:11:16,246
We're getting married!
274
00:11:22,503 --> 00:11:24,571
Commissioning and defacing
this painting of Gina
275
00:11:24,605 --> 00:11:26,573
was a good first step,
but how are we going
276
00:11:26,607 --> 00:11:29,409
to remain the sole beneficiaries
in Max's will?
277
00:11:29,443 --> 00:11:31,244
We're screwed!
Once he marries Gina,
278
00:11:31,278 --> 00:11:32,912
he's gonna leave everything to her!
279
00:11:32,947 --> 00:11:34,180
I wanted to be rich!
280
00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:37,050
I wanted to be the first boy
to whack it on the moon!
281
00:11:37,084 --> 00:11:39,269
Well, then it's clear
what we have to do.
282
00:11:39,303 --> 00:11:41,671
We have to kill Gina.
283
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,073
We can't kill Gina!
284
00:11:44,108 --> 00:11:46,659
Max will know it was us
and completely cut us off.
285
00:11:46,694 --> 00:11:48,461
Well, we gotta think of something.
286
00:11:48,496 --> 00:11:50,597
I want to be the mother of the first boy
287
00:11:50,631 --> 00:11:52,165
to whack it on the moon!
288
00:11:52,199 --> 00:11:55,201
Well, then the only way
to ensure we get that money
289
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:58,571
is to kill Max before he gets
married and changes his will.
290
00:11:58,606 --> 00:12:01,641
You do realize that Roger is Max, right?
291
00:12:01,675 --> 00:12:05,228
I mean by killing Max,
you'll be killing Roger.
292
00:12:06,697 --> 00:12:07,793
Yeah.
Okay. Sure.
293
00:12:07,913 --> 00:12:09,599
Gotta break some eggs.
294
00:12:15,372 --> 00:12:17,468
- What's this?
- Our wedding cake.
295
00:12:17,747 --> 00:12:20,015
The ultimate tribute to my bride.
296
00:12:20,049 --> 00:12:23,752
Well, I'm sure it'll be
a nice change of pace for her
297
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,521
to be at a party where she ends
up inside everyone else.
298
00:12:26,556 --> 00:12:29,291
It's been a while since my wedding.
299
00:12:29,325 --> 00:12:31,626
How much does a wife-cake
set you back these days?
300
00:12:31,661 --> 00:12:33,461
I told Maxie he didn't need to spend
301
00:12:33,496 --> 00:12:35,130
so much of his money on me.
302
00:12:35,164 --> 00:12:36,531
My dove, after we're married,
303
00:12:36,566 --> 00:12:38,199
everything that's mine will be yours.
304
00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:39,701
So it's really our money.
305
00:12:39,735 --> 00:12:41,419
Not until tomorrow!
306
00:12:41,454 --> 00:12:43,121
Oh, honey, look, I got you
307
00:12:43,155 --> 00:12:45,323
the best wedding singer
on the East Coast.
308
00:12:45,358 --> 00:12:46,491
He's gonna sing the "Thong Song"
309
00:12:46,525 --> 00:12:48,260
when Gina walks down the aisle.
310
00:12:48,294 --> 00:12:51,930
Uh, testing, one, two.
311
00:12:51,964 --> 00:12:54,633
# She had dumps
like a truck, truck-truck #
312
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,434
# Thighs like what, what-what
313
00:12:56,469 --> 00:12:58,403
# Baby, move your butt,
butt-butt! #
314
00:12:58,437 --> 00:12:59,904
Well, everything looks great, guys.
315
00:12:59,939 --> 00:13:03,408
Traditional, classy, subtle.
316
00:13:03,426 --> 00:13:05,093
He's gonna blow half of our money
317
00:13:05,127 --> 00:13:06,995
on this wedding alone.
I say we kill him now!
318
00:13:07,029 --> 00:13:08,163
Just be patient.
319
00:13:08,197 --> 00:13:09,965
Hey, have you guys met
Reverend Ping Ping?
320
00:13:09,999 --> 00:13:12,167
Max flew Ping Ping
first class from China
321
00:13:12,201 --> 00:13:14,135
and put him up at the Four Seasons.
322
00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:15,837
You'll be fine.
323
00:13:15,871 --> 00:13:18,773
Just thank everyone for coming,
maybe start with a joke.
324
00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:20,208
Something just occurred to me.
325
00:13:20,242 --> 00:13:22,243
Can you talk?
326
00:13:22,278 --> 00:13:23,478
You're right, Stan.
327
00:13:23,512 --> 00:13:25,914
We gotta kill that old
son of a bitch right now!
328
00:13:25,948 --> 00:13:27,315
You're gonna do it, right, Dad?
329
00:13:27,350 --> 00:13:29,601
Of course. I'm trained
in these matters.
330
00:13:29,635 --> 00:13:31,002
Got the background, the chops,
331
00:13:31,037 --> 00:13:32,437
the know-how,
the "Say Hey."
332
00:13:32,471 --> 00:13:33,672
Great.
Then it's settled.
333
00:13:33,706 --> 00:13:35,707
You kill Max, Gina's out of the picture,
334
00:13:35,741 --> 00:13:37,542
and we all split the inheritance money.
335
00:13:37,576 --> 00:13:39,744
Right, with an extra 30% for me.
336
00:13:39,779 --> 00:13:40,745
What? 30%?
337
00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:41,880
Standard killer's fee.
338
00:13:41,914 --> 00:13:44,015
I do all the work,
I get something extra.
339
00:13:44,050 --> 00:13:45,817
No way! I want the money!
340
00:13:45,851 --> 00:13:48,520
So do I!
I'll burn him to the ground!
341
00:13:48,554 --> 00:13:50,438
No, I'll do it.
Two to the head,
342
00:13:50,473 --> 00:13:52,641
dynamite up the butt, whatev.
How hard can it be?
343
00:13:52,675 --> 00:13:54,559
Idiots! It has to look
like an accident.
344
00:13:54,593 --> 00:13:55,927
Look, just leave this to me.
345
00:13:55,961 --> 00:13:57,295
You guys'll only screw it up.
346
00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:58,463
We'll see about that.
347
00:13:58,497 --> 00:14:01,333
I say whoever kills him
first gets the bonus.
348
00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,101
Okay, then every man for himself.
349
00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:05,303
And may the best killer win.
350
00:14:22,171 --> 00:14:24,205
What are you
two doing up here?!
351
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,141
I'm murdering!
Mind your own business!
352
00:14:26,175 --> 00:14:27,876
You don't even know how to murder!
353
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,411
You don't even have good murder stuff!
354
00:14:29,445 --> 00:14:30,879
Both of you zip it!
355
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,480
Neither one of you are murdering!
356
00:14:32,515 --> 00:14:33,515
Mommy's murdering!
357
00:14:47,179 --> 00:14:48,413
Amateurs.
358
00:14:53,919 --> 00:14:55,086
Ooh, soup!
359
00:14:57,623 --> 00:14:59,023
Ah!
360
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,379
# I like it
when your booty goes #
361
00:15:04,413 --> 00:15:07,716
# Baby, make your booty go...
362
00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:09,017
# That thong-th-thong-
thong-thong! #
363
00:15:09,051 --> 00:15:11,119
Dad, wake up!
The wedding!
364
00:15:11,153 --> 00:15:12,904
It's happening!
365
00:15:12,938 --> 00:15:14,339
Oh, my God!
We have to go!
366
00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:15,356
Ooh, soup!
367
00:15:15,391 --> 00:15:16,441
No!
Right!
368
00:15:16,475 --> 00:15:19,294
We've got to get down there!
369
00:15:19,328 --> 00:15:21,746
I was electrocuted.
I should be dead...
370
00:15:21,780 --> 00:15:25,967
or at least be able to control
things with my mind.
371
00:15:38,147 --> 00:15:40,615
# I like it when your booty goes #
372
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:43,351
# Let me see your
booty go-o-o, yeah! #
373
00:15:43,385 --> 00:15:45,737
Oh, my God, we're o late!
374
00:15:45,771 --> 00:15:47,439
All that money is now hers!
375
00:15:47,473 --> 00:15:48,840
We get nothing!
376
00:15:48,874 --> 00:15:51,476
I won't go back to packing
a cooler when we go skiing.
377
00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:55,814
I'm eating lodge food!
I need my $20 chili!
378
00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:58,483
Hey, guys!
379
00:15:58,517 --> 00:16:00,452
How about that Reverend Ping Ping, huh?
380
00:16:00,486 --> 00:16:02,987
Had no idea his accent
was gonna be so thick.
381
00:16:03,022 --> 00:16:04,389
Ha. Oh, well.
The Chinese are
382
00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:06,391
taking over this
god-forsaken planet.
383
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:08,393
Might as well get used to it.
384
00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:09,994
Congratulations, Gina.
You did it.
385
00:16:10,029 --> 00:16:11,396
You got him to marry you
386
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,331
and now the money's yours.
387
00:16:13,365 --> 00:16:16,201
From now on I'm gonna call you
388
00:16:16,235 --> 00:16:18,803
"Allied Nevada Precious Metal
Exploration Company,"
389
00:16:18,838 --> 00:16:21,039
because you, Gina, are a gold digger.
390
00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:23,141
Long way to go for that one, son.
391
00:16:23,175 --> 00:16:24,909
You watch what you say about my wife!
392
00:16:24,944 --> 00:16:26,544
It's okay, Maxie.
393
00:16:26,579 --> 00:16:28,813
I know what you think of me,
but you're all wrong.
394
00:16:28,848 --> 00:16:31,616
I didn't marry Max for his money.
395
00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:35,053
And that's why I insisted
on signing this prenup.
396
00:16:35,087 --> 00:16:36,354
What?!
397
00:16:36,388 --> 00:16:38,756
When the angels take my Maxie to heaven,
398
00:16:38,791 --> 00:16:41,326
I get nothing, nada, zilch.
399
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,994
You have disappointed me.
400
00:16:47,266 --> 00:16:50,468
I would like to invite Max
and non-cake Gina up
401
00:16:50,503 --> 00:16:52,670
to cut cake Gina.
402
00:16:54,073 --> 00:16:55,106
We're terrible people.
403
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:56,808
I feel awful.
404
00:16:56,842 --> 00:16:58,877
We owe Gina an apology.
405
00:16:58,911 --> 00:17:01,012
We were so blinded by our greed
406
00:17:01,046 --> 00:17:03,748
that we missed two people
finding true love.
407
00:17:03,782 --> 00:17:06,818
Just look at them.
So happy.
408
00:17:06,852 --> 00:17:09,087
Which piece do you want?
409
00:17:09,121 --> 00:17:10,555
You know!
410
00:17:16,445 --> 00:17:18,980
You know that's how I like to do that!
411
00:17:19,014 --> 00:17:21,382
This family will never again
allow money to corrupt...
412
00:17:22,418 --> 00:17:23,384
Oh, my God!
413
00:17:25,688 --> 00:17:27,322
He's dead!
414
00:17:27,356 --> 00:17:28,957
Yes! We're rich!
415
00:17:28,991 --> 00:17:31,359
# We got his money
416
00:17:31,393 --> 00:17:33,428
# We got his money
417
00:17:33,462 --> 00:17:37,198
# The good Lord gave us his money #
418
00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:40,835
# Thank you, ow!
Baby Jesus, ha! #
419
00:17:40,870 --> 00:17:44,873
# For giving us all
of that money! #
420
00:17:44,907 --> 00:17:46,090
# Oh...
# Yeah!
421
00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:47,742
# Baby Jesus
# Yeah!
422
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:49,561
# Baby Jesus
# Yeah!
423
00:17:49,595 --> 00:17:51,529
# Baby Jesus
# Yeah!
424
00:17:51,564 --> 00:17:52,847
# Baby Jesus.
425
00:17:52,882 --> 00:17:55,416
Sing the song,
Max Jets-ah! #
426
00:17:55,451 --> 00:17:59,721
Ohm you can't-ah!
'Cause you're dead-ah!
427
00:18:06,896 --> 00:18:08,062
I will now read
428
00:18:08,097 --> 00:18:10,698
from the last will and testament.
429
00:18:10,733 --> 00:18:14,269
I Maximus Horatio Shamus
Benny and the Jets,
430
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:17,472
of sound mind and body,
431
00:18:17,506 --> 00:18:18,673
choose to leave all
432
00:18:18,707 --> 00:18:22,226
of my assets and worldly possessions...
433
00:18:22,261 --> 00:18:24,395
to my son, Jerry Jets.
434
00:18:24,430 --> 00:18:25,496
What?
435
00:18:25,531 --> 00:18:26,698
Who's that?
436
00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:27,732
Me.
437
00:18:27,766 --> 00:18:29,000
Of course.
438
00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:32,470
You!
439
00:18:32,504 --> 00:18:35,340
Yeah, me.
But how?
440
00:18:35,374 --> 00:18:37,075
Counsel, could you excuse us?
441
00:18:37,109 --> 00:18:39,844
We have some private illegal
matters to discuss.
442
00:18:39,878 --> 00:18:41,779
Of course. Take your time.
443
00:18:44,617 --> 00:18:46,951
I don't understand.
444
00:18:46,986 --> 00:18:48,119
Allow me to explain...
445
00:18:48,153 --> 00:18:50,154
with marionettes.
446
00:18:57,763 --> 00:19:00,064
My nephew got in here.
447
00:19:00,099 --> 00:19:02,784
Screw it.
I'll do it with flashbacks.
448
00:19:02,818 --> 00:19:05,298
My father
and I were estranged, so much so
449
00:19:05,321 --> 00:19:08,289
that we couldn't even be in
the same room at the same time.
450
00:19:08,324 --> 00:19:10,141
But he was so proud of Gina
451
00:19:10,175 --> 00:19:13,127
that he couldn't resist
introducing me to her.
452
00:19:15,547 --> 00:19:18,132
And then Jerry and I
started having an affair,
453
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:20,485
and we did it, like, all the time.
454
00:19:20,519 --> 00:19:23,221
And we did it everywhere.
455
00:19:23,255 --> 00:19:26,057
Oh! My bed!
456
00:19:29,061 --> 00:19:31,312
Come on!
457
00:19:31,347 --> 00:19:34,182
I convinced Max to
patch things up with Jerry
458
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:37,652
and leave him everything in his will.
459
00:19:37,686 --> 00:19:39,520
Oop! I got 'em untangled.
I'll take it
460
00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:40,838
from here, darling!
461
00:19:40,873 --> 00:19:44,292
Then Gina put poison in the cake
and fed it to my dear old dad.
462
00:19:47,713 --> 00:19:48,796
Damn it!
463
00:19:48,831 --> 00:19:51,332
I signed the prenup
so no one would suspect me.
464
00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:54,469
Now Gina and I have my father's fortune
465
00:19:54,503 --> 00:19:56,170
and we can live happily ever after.
466
00:19:56,205 --> 00:19:59,040
Farewell, you penniless fools!
467
00:20:07,616 --> 00:20:09,617
So, have you decided?
468
00:20:09,651 --> 00:20:12,787
Um, I see it says kids eat free?
469
00:20:12,821 --> 00:20:15,156
Does that include kids at heart?
470
00:20:15,190 --> 00:20:17,692
Yes, it does.
471
00:20:17,726 --> 00:20:19,093
Yippee!
472
00:20:19,128 --> 00:20:20,995
Four koala kids' meals.
473
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,434
What's up, homies?
474
00:20:26,468 --> 00:20:28,102
Roger, what are you doing here?
475
00:20:28,137 --> 00:20:30,238
Aren't you traveling
the world as Jerry Jets?
476
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:31,706
Yeah, about that.
477
00:20:31,740 --> 00:20:34,375
Turns out Gina was even more
evil than I thought.
478
00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:37,945
She killed Jerry for his money.
Beat him down with an oar.
479
00:20:37,980 --> 00:20:39,547
Blood everywhere.
Gruesome. Sexy.
480
00:20:39,581 --> 00:20:41,432
But you're Jerry.
481
00:20:41,467 --> 00:20:42,600
Uh-huh.
482
00:20:42,634 --> 00:20:45,386
So how could she kill Jerry,
who was you,
483
00:20:45,421 --> 00:20:47,588
without killing you?
484
00:20:47,623 --> 00:20:49,724
And how did Max die without you dying?
485
00:20:49,758 --> 00:20:52,254
You know what?
I would love, love
486
00:20:52,374 --> 00:20:53,975
to explain all of it to you,
487
00:20:54,009 --> 00:20:55,443
but we're out of time.