1 00:00:04,836 --> 00:00:07,538 # Good morning, USA! 2 00:00:07,572 --> 00:00:11,492 # I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day # 3 00:00:11,526 --> 00:00:14,445 # The sun in the sky has a smile on his face # 4 00:00:14,479 --> 00:00:18,916 # And he's shining a salute to the American race # 5 00:00:20,752 --> 00:00:24,121 # Oh, boy, it's swell to say 6 00:00:24,172 --> 00:00:26,123 # Good... # Good morning, USA 7 00:00:26,174 --> 00:00:27,708 Aah! 8 00:00:28,977 --> 00:00:32,380 # Good morning, USA! 9 00:00:32,414 --> 00:00:34,882 Sara Luger. 10 00:00:37,753 --> 00:00:40,254 Mark Spaznik Maznik. 11 00:00:44,993 --> 00:00:47,695 Twill Ongenbone. 12 00:00:49,631 --> 00:00:52,600 It's just you?! Where is everybody?! 13 00:00:52,634 --> 00:00:55,936 They said they wanted to come, but they couldn't 14 00:00:55,971 --> 00:00:58,610 because... they didn't want to come. 15 00:00:58,979 --> 00:01:00,129 Where were you?! 16 00:01:00,163 --> 00:01:02,114 This was a really big deal for me. 17 00:01:02,148 --> 00:01:04,366 I got a Master's in Archeology from Georgetown! 18 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,201 You didn't even go to school there. 19 00:01:06,235 --> 00:01:07,653 Yeah, you transferred all your credits 20 00:01:07,687 --> 00:01:10,405 from a fake school in Nairobi where you're also the dean, 21 00:01:10,423 --> 00:01:13,959 and his arch nemesis, fraternity prankster, Machmud Thikbooti. 22 00:01:13,994 --> 00:01:15,194 So? 23 00:01:15,228 --> 00:01:17,313 So you don't really have a degree in archeology. 24 00:01:17,347 --> 00:01:18,480 You're a fraud. 25 00:01:18,515 --> 00:01:20,132 How can you say that to someone 26 00:01:20,166 --> 00:01:22,101 the world has recognized in so many ways? 27 00:01:22,135 --> 00:01:23,302 I have an Oscar! 28 00:01:23,336 --> 00:01:25,170 That's Cuba Gooding's Oscar. 29 00:01:25,205 --> 00:01:26,622 You just bought it on eBay. 30 00:01:26,656 --> 00:01:28,657 Nuh-uh. I bought it, and left feedback. 31 00:01:28,692 --> 00:01:30,092 Not enough people do. 32 00:01:30,126 --> 00:01:33,595 What Stan's saying is that an Oscar, like a degree, 33 00:01:33,630 --> 00:01:36,815 is an achievement people work really hard for. 34 00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:39,885 Mr. Gooding was awarded that for his excellence in acting. 35 00:01:39,919 --> 00:01:41,403 Sure, he made some bad choices 36 00:01:41,438 --> 00:01:43,205 after the film Show Me the Money, 37 00:01:43,239 --> 00:01:45,207 but that Oscar is his and not yours. 38 00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:47,142 And nothing you do in your miserable life 39 00:01:47,177 --> 00:01:49,111 will ever come close to what he did. 40 00:01:50,296 --> 00:01:51,447 I heard shouting. 41 00:01:51,481 --> 00:01:53,032 Is everything okay? 42 00:01:53,066 --> 00:01:54,833 There! Are you happy now?! 43 00:01:56,536 --> 00:01:59,304 Did you have to be so hard on him? 44 00:01:59,339 --> 00:02:01,373 He was pretending to be the recipient 45 00:02:01,408 --> 00:02:04,143 of the highest honor awarded in the world of acting. 46 00:02:04,177 --> 00:02:05,511 I know, but it's just... 47 00:02:05,545 --> 00:02:06,729 It's just what, Francine? 48 00:02:06,763 --> 00:02:08,864 He was making out like he won an Oscar. 49 00:02:08,898 --> 00:02:10,399 You're right. 50 00:02:10,433 --> 00:02:14,303 It's an Oscar, for God's sake. 51 00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:19,141 Why doesn't anyone like my awards? 52 00:02:19,175 --> 00:02:22,611 Well, sweetheart, because you didn't earn them. 53 00:02:22,645 --> 00:02:24,046 Like this one. 54 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,548 You're supposed to get this for being good at bowling. 55 00:02:26,583 --> 00:02:28,517 Are you good at bowling? 56 00:02:28,551 --> 00:02:29,918 Bowling's gross. 57 00:02:29,953 --> 00:02:31,987 So this is just a hunk of plastic. 58 00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,555 All this stuff is. 59 00:02:33,590 --> 00:02:35,891 I'm sorry, Roger, but you're taking praise 60 00:02:35,925 --> 00:02:37,893 for things you haven't earned. 61 00:02:37,927 --> 00:02:39,495 But I could earn things. 62 00:02:39,529 --> 00:02:41,430 I could work hard if I wanted. 63 00:02:41,464 --> 00:02:42,898 I know. 64 00:02:42,932 --> 00:02:45,134 You've got great stuff in there. 65 00:02:45,168 --> 00:02:47,870 You just have to apply yourself. 66 00:02:47,904 --> 00:02:50,005 You believe in me! 67 00:02:51,408 --> 00:02:53,942 Oh, my God, you can do that? 68 00:02:53,977 --> 00:02:57,012 Yeah, when I'm really happy. 69 00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:58,414 Ew! 70 00:02:58,448 --> 00:03:00,232 Yeah, it's made out of pee-pee. 71 00:03:02,769 --> 00:03:04,970 Hey, Dad. Hmm. 72 00:03:05,004 --> 00:03:07,556 So, Dad, Mr. Brink gave us an assignment. 73 00:03:07,590 --> 00:03:10,025 We're supposed to interview our dads. 74 00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:12,027 It's-it's supposed to show us 75 00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:13,662 that history can come from anywhere. 76 00:03:13,696 --> 00:03:15,631 What? 77 00:03:15,665 --> 00:03:17,800 I'm just supposed to ask some background questions, 78 00:03:17,834 --> 00:03:19,401 you know... about your life. 79 00:03:19,436 --> 00:03:20,836 Like, where were you born? 80 00:03:20,870 --> 00:03:22,271 That's getting awfully personal. 81 00:03:22,305 --> 00:03:25,174 What?! But-but how am I gonna do my assignment? 82 00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:26,809 Maybe you don't do this one. 83 00:03:26,843 --> 00:03:28,610 It's high school, Steve. 84 00:03:28,645 --> 00:03:29,778 It doesn't matter. 85 00:03:29,813 --> 00:03:31,380 You said that about middle school. 86 00:03:31,414 --> 00:03:32,848 When's it start to matter? 87 00:03:32,882 --> 00:03:34,316 Never. Never. 88 00:03:38,471 --> 00:03:40,589 Check it out, guys. 89 00:03:40,623 --> 00:03:43,058 I'm training for the Langley Falls marathon. 90 00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:45,561 Whoa, that's a big deal, running a marathon. 91 00:03:45,595 --> 00:03:46,979 You're not running any marathon. 92 00:03:47,013 --> 00:03:48,347 Am, too! 93 00:03:48,381 --> 00:03:50,549 Francine explained how when you work for something, 94 00:03:50,583 --> 00:03:51,850 it's more valuable. 95 00:03:51,885 --> 00:03:54,486 If I finish this marathon, I earn a medal. 96 00:03:54,521 --> 00:03:56,788 You're a fatso, and you couldn't run four blocks. 97 00:03:56,823 --> 00:03:58,457 Stan...It's true. What? 98 00:03:58,491 --> 00:04:00,392 His legs are shorter than his feet. 99 00:04:00,426 --> 00:04:02,261 Ugh! Roger, don't listen to him. 100 00:04:02,295 --> 00:04:04,563 Let your actions speak for themselves. 101 00:04:04,597 --> 00:04:06,031 Like when you get drunk tonight 102 00:04:06,065 --> 00:04:08,700 and eat all the fruit leather which you claim to hate. 103 00:04:08,735 --> 00:04:10,636 I do hate it! Where is it? 104 00:04:10,670 --> 00:04:12,738 Not for you. You're in training. 105 00:04:12,772 --> 00:04:14,706 And I'm gonna help you. 106 00:04:26,219 --> 00:04:28,403 # Welcome to the limit 107 00:04:28,437 --> 00:04:30,389 # Limit # 108 00:04:30,423 --> 00:04:33,225 # Take it maybe one step more 109 00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:35,427 # The power game's still playing # 110 00:04:35,461 --> 00:04:39,114 # So you better win it... 111 00:04:48,491 --> 00:04:52,294 I'm gonna fail this assignment 'cause my dad won't open up. 112 00:04:52,328 --> 00:04:54,963 I'm gonna fail 'cause my dad went to Home Depot 113 00:04:54,998 --> 00:04:57,332 five years ago and never came back. 114 00:04:57,367 --> 00:05:00,469 Look, Steve, a lot of people feel more comfortable 115 00:05:00,503 --> 00:05:01,837 talking about personal things 116 00:05:01,871 --> 00:05:03,405 when it's not face-to-face. 117 00:05:03,439 --> 00:05:05,941 Maybe you should try calling your dad. 118 00:05:05,975 --> 00:05:07,976 I guess it's worth a shot. 119 00:05:11,814 --> 00:05:13,448 Hello? 120 00:05:13,483 --> 00:05:15,284 Hey, Dad. What-what you up to? 121 00:05:15,318 --> 00:05:18,153 Eating lunch. I just needed a break from work, you know? 122 00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:21,290 Lately, I've been thinking about all the people I've had to kill. 123 00:05:21,324 --> 00:05:25,110 God. The first five, ten times you take a life, it's eerie. 124 00:05:25,144 --> 00:05:26,612 You remember every detail. 125 00:05:26,646 --> 00:05:28,213 I can see all their faces. 126 00:05:28,248 --> 00:05:29,414 One had a beard. 127 00:05:29,449 --> 00:05:30,882 Each time I pulled the trigger, 128 00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:32,851 I tied a little knot in my memory 129 00:05:32,885 --> 00:05:34,720 that no amount of whiskey could loosen. 130 00:05:34,754 --> 00:05:36,255 'Course eventually, I stopped caring. 131 00:05:36,289 --> 00:05:38,690 Now I can put a bullet through a man's head 132 00:05:38,725 --> 00:05:41,793 while figuring out how much KFC to pick up on my way home. 133 00:05:41,828 --> 00:05:43,562 It's usually no more than a bucket. 134 00:05:43,596 --> 00:05:45,964 The sick part is, I've come to love it-- 135 00:05:45,999 --> 00:05:47,266 snuffing out lives. 136 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:48,634 I crave it. 137 00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:50,736 I feel like an angel of death. 138 00:05:50,770 --> 00:05:53,255 The Messenger of Eternal Darkness. 139 00:05:53,289 --> 00:05:55,374 A merciless demon with an unquenchable... 140 00:05:55,408 --> 00:05:57,909 Oh, they just put more orange chicken in the buffet. 141 00:05:57,961 --> 00:06:00,862 Got to run. 142 00:06:05,018 --> 00:06:07,286 Remember, the goal is to finish. 143 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,371 Ha! I'm gonna win this thing. 144 00:06:09,405 --> 00:06:11,506 Everybody looks so slow! 145 00:06:11,541 --> 00:06:15,010 On your marks. Get set. 146 00:06:19,782 --> 00:06:21,650 Oh, my God! Are you okay? 147 00:06:21,684 --> 00:06:24,403 I turned my ankle... but I can run it off. 148 00:06:24,437 --> 00:06:25,854 Roger! 149 00:06:25,888 --> 00:06:27,222 Stop! You're hurt. 150 00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:28,790 Why'd this happen to me?! 151 00:06:28,825 --> 00:06:31,076 I actually tried this time! 152 00:06:32,578 --> 00:06:34,212 Oh, honey. 153 00:06:34,247 --> 00:06:37,065 Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? 154 00:06:40,753 --> 00:06:45,707 You know, I was gonna give you this after the race, but here. 155 00:06:49,745 --> 00:06:50,712 What's this for? 156 00:06:50,746 --> 00:06:52,547 You won a Franny! 157 00:06:52,581 --> 00:06:54,749 It's because you worked really hard, 158 00:06:54,767 --> 00:06:56,802 and that's all that matters. 159 00:07:00,723 --> 00:07:02,891 Wow. I love it. 160 00:07:02,925 --> 00:07:04,810 Hey, could you pull over for a sec? 161 00:07:10,216 --> 00:07:13,585 I did it! 162 00:07:13,619 --> 00:07:16,838 Oh, my God, what a gorgeous trophy! 163 00:07:16,873 --> 00:07:18,273 And flowers? 164 00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:19,608 Wait, I can't hold everything. 165 00:07:19,642 --> 00:07:21,777 I'm gonna have my friend hold my cone. 166 00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:35,154 You did it! Yay! We love you, Roger! 167 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:37,273 Your butt looks so great in those shorts! 168 00:07:37,307 --> 00:07:40,493 I could never get away with those, not since the baby! 169 00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,194 You didn't win the marathon. 170 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,496 Are you sure? 171 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,097 'Cause everyone else thinks I did. 172 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:47,967 What do you think? 173 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,936 I think my trophy is a cooz magnet, 174 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,772 and this photo won't scare off any wang, either. 175 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,573 I don't know why you did this. 176 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,642 You worked so hard to get ready. 177 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:59,679 I mean, you weren't gonna win, but you would have finished. 178 00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:02,014 That would have been a real achievement. 179 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,410 Actually, I wouldn't have finished. 180 00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:05,351 You see, I never went running after breakfast. 181 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,253 What? Then what were you doing? 182 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:10,039 Well, I'd start with one of Francine's gigantic breakfasts. 183 00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:12,525 And then I'd leave the house and jog to the corner. 184 00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:13,793 There, I'd have a cigarette, 185 00:08:13,844 --> 00:08:16,295 two if I ran into that looker Rhonda 186 00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:17,630 with the natural low hangers . 187 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:18,998 Then I'd head down the street 188 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,749 to where that house is getting a second floor, 189 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,068 pop into one of the Porta Potties 190 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,262 for the constructions workers, 191 00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,771 and try to pass my enormous breakfast. 192 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,123 That was always a struggle. 193 00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,526 My only real exercise of the day. 194 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,628 And I'd usually fall asleep on the pot. 195 00:08:32,663 --> 00:08:34,814 Those crappers heat up big time in the sun, 196 00:08:34,865 --> 00:08:36,983 so when I woke up a couple hours later, 197 00:08:37,034 --> 00:08:38,501 I'd be drenched in sweat. 198 00:08:38,535 --> 00:08:41,554 Half the time, I pooed in my sleep. 199 00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:45,057 I can't believe I wasted all that effort on you for nothing. 200 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,460 Well, I did win the marathon, so... 201 00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,662 You didn't win the marathon! 202 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,763 You keep saying that. 203 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:53,833 But my new Mazda Miata says otherwise. 204 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,167 Oh! 205 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,335 So sleek. 206 00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,904 Roger, I'm done with you. 207 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,407 No more praise, no more support. 208 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,142 You don't deserve it. 209 00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,044 In fact, I'm taking back my Franny. 210 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,262 How could you...? 211 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:07,496 What... I worked for that. 212 00:09:07,531 --> 00:09:08,731 No, you didn't. 213 00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:11,367 But I want it! What are you gonna do with it? 214 00:09:11,401 --> 00:09:12,535 I don't know. 215 00:09:12,569 --> 00:09:14,036 Maybe I'll give it to Steve. 216 00:09:14,071 --> 00:09:15,204 Steve? You hate Steve. 217 00:09:15,238 --> 00:09:16,639 You always say you hate him. 218 00:09:16,673 --> 00:09:17,807 I never said that. 219 00:09:17,841 --> 00:09:19,709 Then why is it tattooed on your butt? 220 00:09:19,743 --> 00:09:21,210 Oh, that's ridiculous. 221 00:09:21,244 --> 00:09:24,313 He's just lashing out because I took his Franny back. 222 00:09:24,348 --> 00:09:26,048 Nope, it's right here on her butt. 223 00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:27,350 I... hate... Steve. 224 00:09:27,384 --> 00:09:29,418 He-he's just joshing, right, Ma? 225 00:09:29,453 --> 00:09:31,420 Ugh! Look! 226 00:09:31,455 --> 00:09:32,655 There's nothing there! 227 00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:33,989 Oh, God, Mom! 228 00:09:34,024 --> 00:09:36,759 Ha-ha, you B.A.'d your son! 229 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:39,161 Uh... the bus is here? 230 00:09:39,196 --> 00:09:41,063 Get out of here, Snot! 231 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:44,500 Franny, let's go. 232 00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:46,168 I need you to take a picture 233 00:09:46,203 --> 00:09:48,304 of me and the Miata for my trophy case. 234 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,106 I told you I was done, Roger. 235 00:09:50,140 --> 00:09:52,108 Oh, we're really doing this, huh? 236 00:09:52,142 --> 00:09:54,343 Fine. I don't need you in my life! 237 00:09:57,314 --> 00:10:00,216 I don't need Francine or her stupid award. 238 00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:02,785 I'll take my own celebratory picture. 239 00:10:05,489 --> 00:10:06,956 Ugh! 240 00:10:19,569 --> 00:10:20,803 Oh, what the...! 241 00:10:37,254 --> 00:10:39,321 Hey. Knock, knock. 242 00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:42,007 Here's the guy who maybe needs his friend 243 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,026 more than he admitted. 244 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,461 What happened to you? 245 00:10:45,495 --> 00:10:47,329 A guy punched me in my face, 246 00:10:47,364 --> 00:10:48,931 but that probably makes you happy 247 00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:50,499 because you hate me so much. 248 00:10:50,534 --> 00:10:51,851 I don't hate you. 249 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:54,854 I'm just done investing my time in you. 250 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,123 I'm done being the sucker, Roger. 251 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,992 You're lazy and a cheat, and I'm done. 252 00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:01,844 No, I need you! I'm-I'm sorry. 253 00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:03,345 Look, I-I won't be lazy. 254 00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:04,980 I'll do something real. I promise. 255 00:11:05,015 --> 00:11:07,650 Your word is as worthless as your diploma. 256 00:11:07,684 --> 00:11:10,219 Is that what this is about? The diploma? 257 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:12,388 Well, what if I go earn it? 258 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,907 What if I become the best damn archaeologist 259 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,492 this town's ever seen? 260 00:11:16,526 --> 00:11:18,761 Then you'll have to give me my Franny back! 261 00:11:18,795 --> 00:11:20,596 Sounds great, Roger. Knock yourself out. 262 00:11:20,614 --> 00:11:21,763 You'll see! 263 00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:23,499 Hey, is that my underwear in there? 264 00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:25,918 I told you never to wash my underwear! 265 00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:28,354 Great, now I got to start all over again! 266 00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:34,910 I can't turn this in. 267 00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,012 It's all about my dad killing people! 268 00:11:37,047 --> 00:11:41,684 Callour dad again and get him to talk about something else. 269 00:11:42,853 --> 00:11:43,886 Hello? 270 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,121 H-Hey, Dad. Son, glad you called. 271 00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:48,440 I was kind of bumming, thinking about your mom. 272 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:49,842 What? Why? 273 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,745 I feel our lovemaking has lost all its intimacy. 274 00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,880 We're not attuned to each other's love energies. 275 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:58,684 We're just slamming away. Dad! I-I'm here with the guys on speakerphone. 276 00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,718 Hey, guys. 277 00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:01,887 Yeah, lovemaking sure can turn into sex 278 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,622 without you even noticing it. 279 00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:06,058 And why not? Sex with your mom feels great. 280 00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:08,160 It's easy to think maybe that is love. 281 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:09,995 And then there's the performer in me 282 00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:12,131 always trying to get your mom turned on. 283 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,233 I pull her hair, choke her lightly-- 284 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,069 or not so lightly... 285 00:12:15,189 --> 00:12:17,686 Dad, when you were my age, what was the cost of a loaf of bread? 286 00:12:17,806 --> 00:12:19,772 The focus becomes how hot she gets, 287 00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:22,374 how many times I can make her shudder with pleasure... 288 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,410 All right, this is enough. 289 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:28,214 Dad, what do Mom's boobs look like? 290 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,783 I'll tell you, Snot-- they're perfect. 291 00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:34,086 Creamy twins with faint blue veins running over them 292 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,723 like cooling streams I can wash my face in. 293 00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:46,799 It's 5:00 in the morning. 294 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,234 What are you doing? 295 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,402 Why, I'm getting ready to go to the dig site. 296 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,972 Come on, Roger, what are you really doing? 297 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:56,158 Well... why don't I show you. 298 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:01,363 Two millions years ago a glacier cut through this valley. 299 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:04,250 The river used to flow east to west. 300 00:13:04,301 --> 00:13:06,585 That's why I knew we had to start south, 301 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:09,088 where an ancient tribe would have a fresh water source. 302 00:13:09,139 --> 00:13:10,923 How do you know all this? 303 00:13:10,974 --> 00:13:12,641 Well, hell, Francine... 304 00:13:12,676 --> 00:13:14,643 I'm an archaeologist. 305 00:13:14,678 --> 00:13:18,147 Why do you keep leaning in when I say stuff? 306 00:13:18,181 --> 00:13:21,267 Roger! This is... amazing! 307 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,952 Yeah, well, not so amazing. 308 00:13:22,986 --> 00:13:24,620 We haven't turned up anything yet. 309 00:13:24,654 --> 00:13:26,605 You... you did all this? 310 00:13:26,656 --> 00:13:28,073 Well, me and Jabari. 311 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:31,443 Jabari, show Francine how you wear your shirt sometimes. 312 00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:35,931 That's how he wears it sometimes. 313 00:13:35,966 --> 00:13:37,132 Hello! 314 00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,205 What do we have here? 315 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,840 What is it? 316 00:13:44,874 --> 00:13:49,061 If this is what I think it is, I should be able to do this. 317 00:13:51,948 --> 00:13:55,551 Wow, Roger, you really found something... Waah! 318 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:56,835 Look out, boss! 319 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,067 Oh, my God! Roger! 320 00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:14,737 I think you've found a lost tribe! 321 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,405 Ednolb riah. 322 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,540 Hmm, they're speaking Sadrawkcab, 323 00:14:18,575 --> 00:14:20,576 the language of an indigenous tribe 324 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,062 that lived in these mountains thousands of years ago. 325 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:26,181 Roger, all your hard work has paid off! 326 00:14:26,216 --> 00:14:29,318 You've made one of the greatest discoveries of all time! 327 00:14:29,352 --> 00:14:31,320 Stel Y-trap! Stel Y-trap! 328 00:14:31,354 --> 00:14:33,155 Looks like they want to welcome us 329 00:14:33,189 --> 00:14:34,490 with a traditional celebration. 330 00:14:34,524 --> 00:14:36,492 I am so proud of you. 331 00:14:36,526 --> 00:14:38,627 You finally did something real! 332 00:14:39,663 --> 00:14:41,447 Well, she bought it. 333 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,482 Hey, don't break character. 334 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,686 Hey, I saw you on CSI last week. 335 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,356 Oh, yeah? You ruined the episode. 336 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:55,554 I can't believe you discovered a lost tribe. 337 00:14:55,674 --> 00:14:57,442 You know, before you brought me here 338 00:14:57,476 --> 00:14:59,044 I thought all this archaeology stuff 339 00:14:59,078 --> 00:15:00,912 was just another one of your scams. 340 00:15:00,946 --> 00:15:03,415 I was ready to write you off for good. 341 00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:06,718 Well, good thing you're gonna give me my Franny back instead, huh? 342 00:15:06,752 --> 00:15:08,853 Well, I should say so. 343 00:15:11,323 --> 00:15:13,992 Hey, looks like something's about to happen. 344 00:15:25,554 --> 00:15:27,605 I think he wants us to join them. 345 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,825 No, I'm pretty sure they only want me down there. 346 00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:32,861 Oh, boy, I hope I don't embarrass myself. 347 00:15:32,895 --> 00:15:35,530 Who knows if I can even keep up? Two, three, four. 348 00:15:46,158 --> 00:15:48,326 Sit down, Franny. 349 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,328 This isn't about you. 350 00:15:57,136 --> 00:15:58,770 Big finish, guys. 351 00:15:58,804 --> 00:16:00,071 Bring it home. 352 00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:04,893 Host this, Doogie Howser. 353 00:16:04,927 --> 00:16:06,261 All right, whew. 354 00:16:06,295 --> 00:16:07,629 Let's head home. 355 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,147 What? No. 356 00:16:09,181 --> 00:16:11,900 We need to stay and study these people. 357 00:16:11,934 --> 00:16:15,203 This is all so fascinating. 358 00:16:15,237 --> 00:16:17,305 Oh,. 359 00:16:19,842 --> 00:16:23,311 ...and that's why my dad didn't go to his dad's funeral 360 00:16:23,345 --> 00:16:26,364 and why I won't go to my dad's funeral. 361 00:16:28,033 --> 00:16:29,818 Steve, you're up. 362 00:16:29,852 --> 00:16:31,986 Yeah. Uh, see... 363 00:16:32,021 --> 00:16:34,923 m-my dad wasn't really willing to answer the questions. 364 00:16:34,957 --> 00:16:36,891 Sounds like a whole lot of nonsense, Steve. 365 00:16:36,926 --> 00:16:39,394 You know what I think? I think you're just trying 366 00:16:39,428 --> 00:16:40,929 to get out of this assignment. 367 00:16:40,963 --> 00:16:42,630 Oh, is that what you think? 368 00:16:42,665 --> 00:16:45,166 Okay, Mr. Brink, here we go. 369 00:16:47,203 --> 00:16:48,303 Hello? Hey, Dad. 370 00:16:48,337 --> 00:16:49,671 I'm calling from my history class. 371 00:16:49,705 --> 00:16:51,739 So, who was president when you were a kid? 372 00:16:51,774 --> 00:16:53,608 Oh, I don't know, I guess I think 373 00:16:53,642 --> 00:16:55,276 about killinmyself pretty frequently. 374 00:16:55,311 --> 00:16:57,679 And why not? What's so great about living? 375 00:16:57,713 --> 00:16:59,347 You know when I'm happy? 376 00:16:59,381 --> 00:17:01,115 For about five seconds in the morning 377 00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,918 when I first wake up, before I remember who I am 378 00:17:03,953 --> 00:17:05,854 and what my life is all about-- 379 00:17:05,888 --> 00:17:08,105 anxiety, disappointment... 380 00:17:08,123 --> 00:17:10,542 diarrhea more often than not. 381 00:17:10,576 --> 00:17:13,645 I don't... I don't know if there's an afterlife, 382 00:17:13,679 --> 00:17:15,313 but who cares? 383 00:17:15,347 --> 00:17:16,965 Nothingness couldn't be any worse 384 00:17:16,999 --> 00:17:19,801 than this meaningless march through my empty days. 385 00:17:19,835 --> 00:17:21,703 See, Mr. Brink? 386 00:17:22,738 --> 00:17:24,138 Mr. Brink? 387 00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:26,541 He's right-- it's pointless. 388 00:17:26,575 --> 00:17:29,077 Life dismissed. 389 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,534 This was supposed to last three hours. 390 00:17:36,569 --> 00:17:38,670 We only rehearsed the dance number and the feast. 391 00:17:38,704 --> 00:17:42,173 We're out of material. Hey, you guys all had improv on your résumés. 392 00:17:42,208 --> 00:17:45,510 Is this your drinking water? 393 00:17:47,713 --> 00:17:49,881 Um... 394 00:17:49,915 --> 00:17:51,916 goo-goo gah-gah? 395 00:17:52,952 --> 00:17:54,919 Look, people want to go home. 396 00:17:54,954 --> 00:17:56,421 They have families. 397 00:17:56,455 --> 00:17:58,456 I know Hannah's son has a fever. 398 00:17:58,490 --> 00:18:01,943 It's bad. He's throwing up right now at home with a 14-year-old babysitter. 399 00:18:01,977 --> 00:18:05,113 Aw, geez, Hannah, why... why don't you just leave? 400 00:18:05,147 --> 00:18:07,181 Because I drove with Gary. 401 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,851 So Gary can go, too. Screw it, take Gary. 402 00:18:09,885 --> 00:18:12,587 Gary doesn't want to leave. 403 00:18:14,556 --> 00:18:16,357 I-I don't know what to tell you, Hannah. 404 00:18:16,392 --> 00:18:17,959 All right, all right, how about this? 405 00:18:17,993 --> 00:18:19,894 I'll do something that makes the tribe mad, 406 00:18:19,929 --> 00:18:22,180 and you guys chase us out of here. 407 00:18:24,717 --> 00:18:27,001 Staying was a really cool idea, Francine. 408 00:18:27,036 --> 00:18:28,469 I've learned so much. 409 00:18:28,504 --> 00:18:31,122 Like, for instance, they're a tchotchke-based culture. 410 00:18:31,156 --> 00:18:34,225 They think these things hold the spirits of their ancestors. 411 00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:36,377 Oh, God! Oh, no! 412 00:18:36,412 --> 00:18:39,464 Oh, if this thing breaks, there's gonna be trouble. 413 00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:46,354 Teg meht! 414 00:18:46,388 --> 00:18:47,555 Run! 415 00:18:50,926 --> 00:18:53,077 Shoot. Must have taken a wrong turn. 416 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,414 Um... 417 00:18:56,448 --> 00:18:58,349 Um... this way! 418 00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:02,904 We're gonna make it! 419 00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:07,308 No! 420 00:19:09,511 --> 00:19:11,012 No way. 421 00:19:12,214 --> 00:19:14,282 Oh, my God! 422 00:19:14,316 --> 00:19:15,450 What's going on? 423 00:19:15,484 --> 00:19:16,818 We're actors! 424 00:19:16,852 --> 00:19:19,654 You just killed Cuba Gooding Jr. 425 00:19:21,790 --> 00:19:25,443 Show me... the heaven. 426 00:19:29,932 --> 00:19:33,034 Roger, what the hell is going on? Fine. 427 00:19:33,068 --> 00:19:34,836 I staged everything, okay? 428 00:19:34,870 --> 00:19:37,805 This isn't a tribe; these are all actors and actresses. 429 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,842 Actually, we prefer to be called "actors" now, as well. 430 00:19:40,876 --> 00:19:41,943 Shut up, Hannah! 431 00:19:41,977 --> 00:19:43,778 So this was all a setup? 432 00:19:43,812 --> 00:19:45,780 But... how? 433 00:19:45,814 --> 00:19:47,482 How did you do all this? 434 00:19:47,516 --> 00:19:49,484 Well, it started with the casting. 435 00:19:49,518 --> 00:19:52,320 Ryan Creamwell. I'm with Preferred Artists. 436 00:19:52,354 --> 00:19:55,707 Take off your shirt and throw it to me. 437 00:19:56,809 --> 00:19:58,643 It's disgusting. You got the part. 438 00:19:58,677 --> 00:20:00,444 Then it was on to the choreography. 439 00:20:00,462 --> 00:20:02,447 No, no, no, no! Eyes on me! 440 00:20:02,481 --> 00:20:05,249 One and two and kick and tush and kick and bush 441 00:20:05,284 --> 00:20:06,884 and finger, finger, finger, finger, finger. 442 00:20:06,919 --> 00:20:10,722 And then I had to find my young boy assistant. 443 00:20:10,756 --> 00:20:13,324 But why did you do all this? 444 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,660 Because I wanted my Franny back! 445 00:20:15,694 --> 00:20:18,663 So what I think means that much to you? 446 00:20:18,697 --> 00:20:21,999 Yeah, but now you just think I'm a big, lazy faker again. 447 00:20:22,034 --> 00:20:26,003 Lazy? Roger, I've never seen anyone work so hard 448 00:20:26,038 --> 00:20:28,072 on anything in my entire life. 449 00:20:28,107 --> 00:20:31,075 You mean... I impressed you? 450 00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:32,643 And how! 451 00:20:32,678 --> 00:20:35,580 I wish Stan was here to see this. 452 00:20:35,614 --> 00:20:37,815 Hey, where's my Oscar? 453 00:20:42,955 --> 00:20:45,256 This belongs to you. 454 00:20:46,959 --> 00:20:49,360 One last time, CGJ. 455 00:20:49,395 --> 00:20:51,162 Show me the money. 456 00:20:53,999 --> 00:20:55,466 You will be missed.