1 00:00:04,764 --> 00:00:07,399 # Good morning, USA! 2 00:00:07,433 --> 00:00:11,336 # I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day # 3 00:00:11,371 --> 00:00:14,306 # The sun in the sky has a smile on his face # 4 00:00:14,340 --> 00:00:18,744 # And he's shining a salute to the American race # 5 00:00:20,613 --> 00:00:24,016 # Oh, boy, it's swell to say 6 00:00:24,050 --> 00:00:26,018 # Good... # Good morning, USA 7 00:00:26,052 --> 00:00:27,552 Aah! 8 00:00:36,629 --> 00:00:39,798 You, you guys, Devon! 9 00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:40,966 Devon is 10 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,670 retiring! 11 00:00:47,473 --> 00:00:49,574 Who the hell is Devon? 12 00:00:49,609 --> 00:00:51,677 Who the...? 13 00:00:54,414 --> 00:00:55,755 He's our mailman. 14 00:00:55,875 --> 00:00:57,616 The only man who's delivered mail 15 00:00:57,650 --> 00:01:00,001 to this house for my entire life. 16 00:01:00,111 --> 00:01:03,781 His shorts were always the harbinger of summer! 17 00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:07,885 I could kill you right now. 18 00:01:07,919 --> 00:01:09,987 Weren't you supposed to quit crying for New Year's? 19 00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:13,290 I'm sensitive! 20 00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,459 It's a desirable trait in some cultures. 21 00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,895 In France, maybe... Oh, my God! Move to France! 22 00:01:17,929 --> 00:01:19,696 Go. The hell. To France! 23 00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:22,533 Stan, you were supposed to give up yelling for New Year's. 24 00:01:22,567 --> 00:01:24,134 But I love yelling! 25 00:01:24,169 --> 00:01:25,836 It feels good and it's good for you. 26 00:01:25,870 --> 00:01:27,805 That's why Sam Kinison lived so long. 27 00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:31,575 I swear to God, you two. 28 00:01:31,609 --> 00:01:33,977 Uh, Mom? Weren't you supposed to give up smoking? 29 00:01:35,380 --> 00:01:38,048 Yeah, well, you were supposed to give up junk food. 30 00:01:40,185 --> 00:01:42,319 Ah, it's okay, Mrs. S. 31 00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:44,888 And you were supposed to give up hugs! 32 00:01:44,923 --> 00:01:47,758 Is it such a flaw that I want to hug everyone I see? 33 00:01:47,792 --> 00:01:49,860 If you're not a Special Olympian, then yes. 34 00:01:49,894 --> 00:01:52,529 This family sucks. 35 00:01:52,564 --> 00:01:55,199 We never do anything we say we're gonna do. 36 00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:57,434 Just look at the popsicle stick White House 37 00:01:57,469 --> 00:01:59,470 we started six years ago. 38 00:02:01,406 --> 00:02:03,240 Mmm, popsicles. 39 00:02:03,274 --> 00:02:06,009 Hey, let's all quit our jobs and buy an ice cream truck. 40 00:02:06,044 --> 00:02:07,878 Just drive around, making kids happy. 41 00:02:07,912 --> 00:02:09,847 That's a great idea! We are totally doing this! 42 00:02:09,881 --> 00:02:11,748 I'm a kid! I'll Google it tomorrow. 43 00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,250 See what a truck would cost. 44 00:02:13,284 --> 00:02:15,125 Or maybe the next day. Tomorrow's kind of busy. 45 00:02:15,153 --> 00:02:16,920 Gosh, it sounds really complicated. 46 00:02:16,955 --> 00:02:19,823 You know what? We tried. Let's just forget it. Yeah, I don't really care. 47 00:02:19,858 --> 00:02:21,258 I don't know what we were thinking. 48 00:02:21,292 --> 00:02:22,726 Yeah, good idea, not a good idea. 49 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,495 Mardi Gras, bitches! 50 00:02:24,529 --> 00:02:26,230 I'm having a party at my bar. 51 00:02:26,264 --> 00:02:29,666 I got beads aplenty, so I want to see all your tatas! 52 00:02:29,701 --> 00:02:32,336 Except you, Hayley. You have the worst boobs. 53 00:02:32,370 --> 00:02:34,204 They're like 90% nips. 54 00:02:34,239 --> 00:02:36,974 Like two dark castles with tiny little moats. 55 00:02:40,845 --> 00:02:42,713 Mardi Gras. 56 00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:44,648 That means Lent starts tomorrow! 57 00:02:44,682 --> 00:02:47,117 This is our chance to give up our vices again! 58 00:02:47,151 --> 00:02:48,418 What the hell is Lent? 59 00:02:48,453 --> 00:02:51,588 Lent is the period between Mardi Gras and Easter. 60 00:02:51,623 --> 00:02:54,324 It's a time of prayer and introspection. 61 00:02:54,359 --> 00:02:57,127 People give up things for the 40 days of Lent 62 00:02:57,161 --> 00:03:01,298 to get closer to God or remember Jesus' sacrifice. 63 00:03:01,332 --> 00:03:03,212 # No-no-no-no-no-no-no! 64 00:03:03,234 --> 00:03:04,501 # No-no-no-no-no-no! 65 00:03:04,536 --> 00:03:06,403 # No-no-no-no! 66 00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:10,440 I don't appreciate you tainting my booby holiday with God stuff. 67 00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:14,144 Come on, guys. What do you say? 68 00:03:14,178 --> 00:03:16,313 Let's give it another try for Lent. 69 00:03:16,347 --> 00:03:17,414 No yelling. 70 00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:18,715 No crying. 71 00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:19,983 No junk food. 72 00:03:20,018 --> 00:03:21,151 No hugs. 73 00:03:21,185 --> 00:03:22,786 And I'll quit smoking. 74 00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:25,188 And we'll really follow through this time. 75 00:03:25,223 --> 00:03:26,723 I don't know. Too hard. 76 00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:28,625 Not into it. I do what she says. 77 00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,394 Okay, fine. 78 00:03:30,428 --> 00:03:33,130 If you do this, I'll let everyone 79 00:03:33,164 --> 00:03:36,066 get pee-in-their-pants drunk at Roger's Mardi Gras. 80 00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:37,534 Yeah! 81 00:03:37,569 --> 00:03:39,836 Let's get in line so we're the first ones there! 82 00:03:41,039 --> 00:03:43,040 Deputy Director Bullock? What are you doing here? 83 00:03:43,074 --> 00:03:44,141 Are you kidding me? 84 00:03:44,175 --> 00:03:46,610 I hear this is the best party of the year. 85 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:48,712 What the hell, Avery? You didn't save my place? 86 00:03:48,746 --> 00:03:50,847 I've been waiting with you for, like, three days. 87 00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:53,951 When you went off to get your Frito Pie, I had time to think. 88 00:03:53,985 --> 00:03:57,955 And my thought was I hate you. 89 00:03:57,989 --> 00:03:59,089 Treme! 90 00:03:59,123 --> 00:03:59,957 Etouffée! 91 00:03:59,991 --> 00:04:00,958 Beignet! 92 00:04:00,992 --> 00:04:01,858 You're gay! 93 00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:03,193 Hooray! Hooray! 94 00:04:03,227 --> 00:04:05,228 Last chance to get our vices out. 95 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:11,535 Oh, I'm gonna miss crying so much. 96 00:04:11,569 --> 00:04:13,670 Am I drunk? What's in this cake? 97 00:04:13,705 --> 00:04:16,373 Rum! It's also in this needle. 98 00:04:19,711 --> 00:04:23,380 Another shot! The Prince of Mardi Gras demands it! 99 00:04:23,414 --> 00:04:25,616 I'm yelling! 100 00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:29,186 So do you and Greg plan to give up butt play for Lent? 101 00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:31,388 Um, we don't consider that a vice. 102 00:04:31,422 --> 00:04:32,756 It's an act of love. 103 00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:35,058 Ah, well, there's the difference then. 104 00:04:35,093 --> 00:04:37,227 I'm giving it up for sure. 105 00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:46,103 Oo-ho! 106 00:04:46,137 --> 00:04:48,071 I fell in love last night, Klaus. 107 00:04:48,106 --> 00:04:51,074 Tell me everything... No! Tell me the highlights. 108 00:04:51,109 --> 00:04:52,576 It was magical. 109 00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:55,345 She had breasts like I've never seen before. 110 00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,547 We danced all night, but when midnight came, 111 00:04:57,582 --> 00:04:59,416 she ran off before I could get her name. 112 00:04:59,450 --> 00:05:00,951 You were smashed, man. 113 00:05:00,985 --> 00:05:02,919 You kept high-fiving that black guy. 114 00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,122 He was not into it. 115 00:05:07,659 --> 00:05:10,260 Klaus, this pastie... It's hers... 116 00:05:10,294 --> 00:05:11,628 She was wearing it! 117 00:05:11,663 --> 00:05:13,997 The most perfect bosom I've ever seen 118 00:05:14,032 --> 00:05:15,899 wore this pastie last night! 119 00:05:15,933 --> 00:05:18,268 I have to find the booby that fits this pastie 120 00:05:18,302 --> 00:05:20,137 so I can spend the rest of my life 121 00:05:20,171 --> 00:05:21,805 happily ever after with its owner. 122 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:23,807 Ooh, maybe she'll have a friend. 123 00:05:23,841 --> 00:05:26,076 Yeah, and I'm sure she'll want to get with a fish. 124 00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,478 Look, you got to start being more realistic, okay? 125 00:05:28,513 --> 00:05:30,080 Now grab your heralding trumpet 126 00:05:30,114 --> 00:05:31,982 and meet me in the pumpkin carriage. 127 00:05:35,019 --> 00:05:37,387 I don't feel that hung over. 128 00:05:37,422 --> 00:05:39,923 Guess I can handle my alcohol better than you guys. 129 00:05:39,957 --> 00:05:41,258 Oh, yeah? 130 00:05:41,292 --> 00:05:44,428 Pubic hair and mayonnaise ice cream. 131 00:05:49,467 --> 00:05:52,436 Hey! That guy... that guy's gonna get a piece of my mind. 132 00:05:53,504 --> 00:05:55,172 He's got glasses. 133 00:05:55,206 --> 00:05:57,240 I'm gonna call him a nerd. Gonna start with that... 134 00:05:57,275 --> 00:05:59,609 Stan. Remember, you're giving up yelling for Lent. 135 00:05:59,644 --> 00:06:01,845 Look, we're doing this 136 00:06:01,879 --> 00:06:05,415 and we're all gonna stick with it this time, right, guys? 137 00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:06,817 Bleah! 138 00:06:07,885 --> 00:06:10,220 Whoa, look at that? 139 00:06:10,254 --> 00:06:11,655 Whoa... 140 00:06:15,226 --> 00:06:17,994 American Dad cares. 141 00:06:19,831 --> 00:06:21,231 Francine, maybe we'll all just give up 142 00:06:21,265 --> 00:06:22,733 making you happy for Lent. 143 00:06:22,767 --> 00:06:23,867 Would that make you happy? 144 00:06:23,901 --> 00:06:25,569 Smiths! Good Lent to you! 145 00:06:25,603 --> 00:06:27,237 How are the sacrifices going? 146 00:06:27,271 --> 00:06:29,106 Yeah, it turns out we're gonna blow that off. 147 00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:32,109 Hmm. I'm afraid that wouldn't be in your best interest. 148 00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:34,010 You made a deal with me last night 149 00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:36,146 to make sure I help you follow through. 150 00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,248 Like you give a rat's ass what anyone does. 151 00:06:38,282 --> 00:06:40,217 You've stolen babies and sold them 152 00:06:40,251 --> 00:06:41,451 to underground dinner clubs. 153 00:06:41,486 --> 00:06:44,521 How dare you That was pillow talk! 154 00:06:44,555 --> 00:06:48,358 Oh, I'll admit it: I'm a degenerate. 155 00:06:48,392 --> 00:06:50,527 I love drugs and drinking and gambling, 156 00:06:50,561 --> 00:06:54,431 and my moral compass always points south... 157 00:06:54,465 --> 00:06:56,500 Yeah...! 158 00:06:56,534 --> 00:06:57,734 But during Lent I repent 159 00:06:57,769 --> 00:06:59,803 and that makes up for the rest of the year. 160 00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:01,838 This year my Lenten promise 161 00:07:01,873 --> 00:07:05,175 is making sure you keep your Lenten promises. 162 00:07:05,209 --> 00:07:07,644 You all agreed. You signed a contract. 163 00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,079 What contract? 164 00:07:09,113 --> 00:07:11,181 Ah, yes, you were quite drunk. 165 00:07:11,215 --> 00:07:13,116 I was afraid you may not remember, 166 00:07:13,151 --> 00:07:15,619 so I documented everything. 167 00:07:17,188 --> 00:07:20,090 While this loads, did you guys ever think of this? 168 00:07:20,124 --> 00:07:24,961 Sylvester Stallone's name is Sylvester. 169 00:07:24,996 --> 00:07:28,131 Habet Bullock cultro. 170 00:07:28,166 --> 00:07:31,434 Si non sequitur meo per votum... 171 00:07:31,469 --> 00:07:35,639 My man! Up top! My dog! ...ego Lenten anathema seseque digitum. 172 00:07:35,673 --> 00:07:37,707 That contract you signed says 173 00:07:37,742 --> 00:07:41,778 I get to cut off a finger of the first person who cracks. 174 00:07:41,813 --> 00:07:43,246 You're full of it. 175 00:07:43,281 --> 00:07:45,281 You're not really going to cut off anyone's finger. 176 00:07:47,351 --> 00:07:48,618 Ew, gross! 177 00:07:48,653 --> 00:07:52,189 Yes. I started collecting when I was in Vietnam. 178 00:07:52,223 --> 00:07:53,690 Two summers ago. 179 00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,959 I was on a sex tour. Did not get laid. 180 00:07:55,993 --> 00:07:57,527 Had zero game. 181 00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:59,062 Just kept... 182 00:07:59,096 --> 00:08:00,597 cutting off fingers. 183 00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,128 You want to cut off our fingers?! 184 00:08:08,162 --> 00:08:09,379 One finger. 185 00:08:09,499 --> 00:08:11,631 The finger of the first person 186 00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,399 who doesn't keep their Lenten promise. 187 00:08:13,434 --> 00:08:15,568 I hope it's the boy. Why?! 188 00:08:15,603 --> 00:08:17,637 I envy your youth! 189 00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:20,874 Hey, hey, come on. This a good thing. 190 00:08:20,908 --> 00:08:24,711 This is our chance to finally follow through on something. 191 00:08:24,745 --> 00:08:27,113 And now there are real consequences 192 00:08:27,148 --> 00:08:28,781 if someone slips up. 193 00:08:28,816 --> 00:08:30,850 I've installed cameras all over your house 194 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,218 to track your every move. 195 00:08:33,420 --> 00:08:35,388 And not to worry, Francine. 196 00:08:35,422 --> 00:08:39,325 There are no minicameras in your tampons, so... 197 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,861 all good to go there. 198 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:54,607 Make way for the Prince of Mardi Gras! 199 00:08:54,642 --> 00:08:56,609 My good man, I'm looking for the maiden 200 00:08:56,644 --> 00:08:59,913 who fits this pastie so I may maketh her my wife. 201 00:08:59,947 --> 00:09:01,714 Uh-huh... 202 00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:04,250 None of my girls wear anything like this. 203 00:09:04,285 --> 00:09:07,086 But there is one stripper here who may be able to help you. 204 00:09:07,121 --> 00:09:09,255 She's been in the business for decades. 205 00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:12,492 Ooh, she's wise as ass. 206 00:09:17,998 --> 00:09:19,499 Fair one. 207 00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:22,835 It is rumored you know of all things stripper. 208 00:09:24,572 --> 00:09:27,740 This is not the pastie of a stripper. 209 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,576 It's handmade. 210 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:34,247 This pastie belonged to a civilian. 211 00:09:34,281 --> 00:09:36,049 Thank you, wise one. 212 00:09:36,083 --> 00:09:37,984 A hay-penny for your troubles. 213 00:09:47,127 --> 00:09:50,463 Plinko! 214 00:09:55,202 --> 00:09:57,770 Ah, nothing like a nice movie night 215 00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:00,640 to take our minds off Lent, huh, gang? 216 00:10:00,674 --> 00:10:01,774 Let's see what we got... 217 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:03,276 Oh, Lucas! 218 00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,811 Nope, that'll make me cry. 219 00:10:04,845 --> 00:10:06,012 Okay. Field of Dreams. 220 00:10:06,046 --> 00:10:08,248 No way. Hits too close to home. 221 00:10:08,282 --> 00:10:10,283 I was never close to my father. 222 00:10:12,186 --> 00:10:15,188 Do you have to eat that junk food 223 00:10:15,222 --> 00:10:16,689 right in front of my face? 224 00:10:16,724 --> 00:10:18,424 I need it so I don't smoke. 225 00:10:18,459 --> 00:10:19,692 Nope. 226 00:10:19,727 --> 00:10:20,927 Nope. 227 00:10:20,961 --> 00:10:24,631 Steve, please, kindly, please find a movie 228 00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:27,333 and stop flipping channels before I wring the last breath 229 00:10:27,368 --> 00:10:29,802 out of your very, very, very annoying body. 230 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,404 Thank you very much. Thanks. 231 00:10:31,438 --> 00:10:33,740 Ugh, I can't be near that popcorn. 232 00:10:33,774 --> 00:10:35,808 Just get it out of my face! 233 00:10:38,212 --> 00:10:39,679 Well done, Hayley! 234 00:10:39,713 --> 00:10:41,080 Throw out the temptation. 235 00:10:41,115 --> 00:10:43,249 Throw out the devil in all of you. 236 00:10:43,284 --> 00:10:45,785 Mr. Bullock, sir! Please, let us off the hook. 237 00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:47,887 I know it's difficult, young man. 238 00:10:47,921 --> 00:10:50,757 Of course, if you'd rather I just take a finger 239 00:10:50,791 --> 00:10:54,193 from one of you, that will satisfy our contract. 240 00:10:55,296 --> 00:10:57,764 Oh, and I was watching the shower cam. 241 00:10:57,798 --> 00:10:59,332 Jeff, quick question: 242 00:10:59,366 --> 00:11:02,001 Why do you only shave your left goose egg? 243 00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:05,638 I'm doing it now too, and I want to know the reason why. 244 00:11:08,142 --> 00:11:09,442 Okay, Mrs. Simmons, 245 00:11:09,476 --> 00:11:11,978 if you'll step away from the mammogram machine, 246 00:11:12,012 --> 00:11:14,147 I have one more important test. 247 00:11:14,181 --> 00:11:16,649 All right, sir, I said you could try three nipples 248 00:11:16,684 --> 00:11:18,318 and then you'd have to go. 249 00:11:18,352 --> 00:11:19,285 Fine. 250 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,321 But as long as I'm here... 251 00:11:22,990 --> 00:11:25,258 Your breasts are full of spiders! 252 00:11:25,292 --> 00:11:26,259 Perfect! 253 00:11:26,293 --> 00:11:27,660 That's the way I like 'em. 254 00:11:30,197 --> 00:11:32,932 Hey, how's Daddy's little trooper? 255 00:11:32,966 --> 00:11:34,267 This sucks, Dad. 256 00:11:34,301 --> 00:11:35,435 I know, kiddo. 257 00:11:35,469 --> 00:11:37,437 Listen, I get that this is hard for you, 258 00:11:37,471 --> 00:11:39,505 but you're such a sweet, good boy. 259 00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:42,842 That's why I want you to let Bullock take your finger. What?! 260 00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:44,677 You heard him-- as soon as he gets his finger, 261 00:11:44,712 --> 00:11:46,346 he'll leave, and we'll all be off the hook. 262 00:11:46,380 --> 00:11:48,715 So just give up and let him have your finger. 263 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:49,882 For me. 264 00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,050 For Papa. 265 00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,051 Forget it, man. 266 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,786 Okay, we're at an impasse. 267 00:11:53,821 --> 00:11:55,288 But someone in this house 268 00:11:55,322 --> 00:11:57,290 has to crack and give Bullock their finger 269 00:11:57,324 --> 00:11:58,691 because not being able to yell 270 00:11:58,726 --> 00:12:01,194 is giving me very tiny hard poops. 271 00:12:01,228 --> 00:12:02,662 Babe, where's my hat? 272 00:12:02,696 --> 00:12:03,963 You're wearing it. 273 00:12:06,066 --> 00:12:07,967 Of course, the moron! 274 00:12:08,001 --> 00:12:09,836 The moron. 275 00:12:15,542 --> 00:12:16,676 Jeff. 276 00:12:16,710 --> 00:12:17,844 Mr. S. 277 00:12:17,878 --> 00:12:19,645 Jeff. 278 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:20,646 Jeffrey. 279 00:12:20,681 --> 00:12:22,248 I don't think I tell you enough 280 00:12:22,282 --> 00:12:24,417 how honored I am to have you in my family. 281 00:12:24,451 --> 00:12:25,418 Really? 282 00:12:25,452 --> 00:12:27,286 I just wish there was some physical way 283 00:12:27,321 --> 00:12:29,322 I could express our familial closeness. 284 00:12:29,356 --> 00:12:30,656 Oh, Mr. S.... 285 00:12:30,691 --> 00:12:32,859 I love you, Jeff Fischer. 286 00:12:32,893 --> 00:12:35,027 Meet love halfway, Jeff. 287 00:12:35,062 --> 00:12:36,362 Babe, no! 288 00:12:36,397 --> 00:12:38,264 You're in pre-hug! 289 00:12:38,298 --> 00:12:40,166 They're trying to sabotage you! 290 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,301 Well, two can play at that game. 291 00:12:42,336 --> 00:12:46,372 Obama has done amazing things with health care. 292 00:12:46,407 --> 00:12:49,509 Soon our medical system will be as good as Canada's. 293 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:55,715 # It's been seven hours and 15 days # 294 00:12:55,749 --> 00:12:57,049 No! 295 00:12:57,084 --> 00:13:00,019 # Since you took your love away # 296 00:13:00,053 --> 00:13:01,687 The saddest song ever. 297 00:13:01,722 --> 00:13:03,289 Dad, help! 298 00:13:03,323 --> 00:13:05,124 Hang on, son! I'm coming! 299 00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:10,663 # I go out every night and sleep all day # 300 00:13:10,697 --> 00:13:12,432 Traitor! 301 00:13:12,466 --> 00:13:15,868 # Since you took your love away # 302 00:13:15,903 --> 00:13:17,203 # But nothing 303 00:13:17,237 --> 00:13:19,038 That's right, Steve. Your father betrayed you. 304 00:13:19,039 --> 00:13:21,007 # I said nothing can take away these blues # Hurts, don't it? 305 00:13:21,041 --> 00:13:22,141 Let it out, buddy. 306 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,243 Jeff, Steve's about to go down. 307 00:13:24,278 --> 00:13:28,548 # 'Cause nothing compares 308 00:13:28,582 --> 00:13:31,651 # Nothing compares 2 U 309 00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,252 Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya! Can't hear, won't cry! 310 00:13:33,287 --> 00:13:34,320 Can't hear, won't cry! 311 00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:36,255 What the hell is going on in here?! 312 00:13:36,290 --> 00:13:37,890 They're trying to make me break. 313 00:13:37,925 --> 00:13:40,493 What is wrong with you people? 314 00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:43,129 Lent is only 37 more days. 315 00:13:44,665 --> 00:13:47,700 People are stressing me out, and I can't smoke, 316 00:13:47,734 --> 00:13:50,870 so I'm gonna go sit on the dryer and think about Stamos. 317 00:13:53,073 --> 00:13:54,740 What are we gonna do, Dad? 318 00:13:54,775 --> 00:13:56,576 I don't think we can make it. 319 00:13:56,610 --> 00:13:57,944 We'll be fine. 320 00:13:57,978 --> 00:13:59,712 Besides, what's the worst that could happen? 321 00:14:01,849 --> 00:14:04,984 Hey gang, I'm ho... ly moly! 322 00:14:15,262 --> 00:14:18,564 I just wanted us to be a good family. 323 00:14:18,599 --> 00:14:22,068 Sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like I was blaming you. 324 00:14:33,013 --> 00:14:34,814 Ha-ha! Gotcha! 325 00:14:34,848 --> 00:14:36,616 I don't understand. 326 00:14:36,650 --> 00:14:38,351 Trickery! Steve's guts? 327 00:14:38,385 --> 00:14:40,887 A simple garden hose covered in hot sauce! 328 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:43,723 What?! Why would you do that?! 329 00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:45,892 So you'd break, and we could end all this. 330 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,226 After all, it was you 331 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,629 who dragged us into this in the first place. 332 00:14:49,663 --> 00:14:52,832 Oh, did I miss a hot sauce and hose party? 333 00:14:52,866 --> 00:14:55,434 Francine! 334 00:14:55,469 --> 00:14:57,069 Are you smoking?! 335 00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:59,539 Looks like I'm cutting off your finger. 336 00:14:59,573 --> 00:15:01,741 Just one finger from whoever cracked first. 337 00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,142 That was the deal, right? 338 00:15:03,176 --> 00:15:04,110 Right-o! 339 00:15:04,144 --> 00:15:05,645 We're free! 340 00:15:08,482 --> 00:15:09,682 So good. 341 00:15:11,852 --> 00:15:14,253 Mmm. Mmm. 342 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,589 Stop flipping channels yesterday! 343 00:15:20,327 --> 00:15:23,296 So, Francine, which finger shall I take? 344 00:15:23,330 --> 00:15:25,431 This one. 345 00:15:25,465 --> 00:15:29,569 Ooh, that is a hard burn on you, Smiths. 346 00:15:36,573 --> 00:15:38,088 All right then, I'm off to the kitchen 347 00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:39,521 to set up the ceremony, 348 00:15:39,641 --> 00:15:42,348 and then we'll chop your pinky off in two shakes. 349 00:15:45,813 --> 00:15:47,547 Francine, you're shaking like a leaf. 350 00:15:47,582 --> 00:15:49,382 Do you not want to do this? 351 00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:52,419 It's okay. I have a plan to get you out of here. 352 00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:54,721 We're not gonna let Bullock cut off your finger. 353 00:15:54,755 --> 00:15:57,123 Okay, huddle up. 354 00:15:57,158 --> 00:15:58,291 Okay, here's the plan. 355 00:15:58,326 --> 00:15:59,759 We peel out of the driveway, 356 00:15:59,794 --> 00:16:01,661 hit the freeway and head for the border. 357 00:16:01,696 --> 00:16:03,430 But hold on, Francine. Here comes Bullock. 358 00:16:03,464 --> 00:16:05,298 Oh, man, he's in a Lamborghini. 359 00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:06,566 Jeff, toss me the Uzi. 360 00:16:06,601 --> 00:16:07,767 Oh, no, I forgot it. 361 00:16:07,802 --> 00:16:10,270 You idiot! Then we'll have to lose him. 362 00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:12,038 I'm gonna drive straight into the mall! 363 00:16:12,073 --> 00:16:13,607 Not through the puppy store! 364 00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:17,410 Stop! Stan, I'm not running away from this. 365 00:16:17,445 --> 00:16:18,578 Mwa? 366 00:16:18,613 --> 00:16:20,247 We made a promise to Bullock, 367 00:16:20,281 --> 00:16:22,115 and for once in our lives, 368 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,651 we're going to be a family that follows through. 369 00:16:24,685 --> 00:16:26,853 I'm letting him take my finger. 370 00:16:30,558 --> 00:16:32,092 I got to warn you guys. 371 00:16:32,126 --> 00:16:34,394 I get real faint at the sight of blood. 372 00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:38,431 What?! You?! No! 373 00:16:40,968 --> 00:16:43,603 Have you ever seen a sad prince, Klaus? 374 00:16:43,638 --> 00:16:46,206 Well, Prince Charles was pretty devastated when... 375 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,174 I'm the saddest prince there is 376 00:16:48,209 --> 00:16:51,177 because I cannot find my true love. 377 00:16:51,212 --> 00:16:53,079 But hark! 378 00:16:53,114 --> 00:16:55,982 Upon what hopeful vision does my royal gaze fall? 379 00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:01,921 Klaus, my liege, 380 00:17:01,956 --> 00:17:04,624 it appears we may be nearing the end of our quest. 381 00:17:04,659 --> 00:17:07,427 I can't stop thinking about those spiders in your boobies. 382 00:17:14,568 --> 00:17:17,203 Good sir, 'tis I, the Prince of Mardi Gras. 383 00:17:17,238 --> 00:17:19,973 Be there any fair maidens in this cottage? 384 00:17:20,007 --> 00:17:21,274 Why, yes, indeed. 385 00:17:21,309 --> 00:17:23,543 I have three uniquely-breasted daughters, 386 00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:26,046 and they all went to your Mardi Gras ball. 387 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,516 The prince is here to see all the bosoms in the house! 388 00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:31,951 Oh! The prince! He's here! 389 00:17:31,986 --> 00:17:33,720 Father, Father, try my bitty first. 390 00:17:33,754 --> 00:17:35,889 No, mine. Try mine. 391 00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:37,991 It'll fit me. I just know it. 392 00:17:56,544 --> 00:17:58,778 But the crest and the fairy tale cottage. 393 00:17:58,813 --> 00:18:01,915 Are you sure there are not any other maidens in the house? 394 00:18:01,949 --> 00:18:03,516 Well, I do have a stepdaughter, 395 00:18:03,551 --> 00:18:05,518 but it couldn't possibly be her. 396 00:18:05,553 --> 00:18:07,987 She was not permitted to go to the party. 397 00:18:08,022 --> 00:18:09,689 She was busy doing chores. 398 00:18:16,664 --> 00:18:19,399 Oh, my God, now I remember. 399 00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:20,867 It's you! 400 00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:23,136 You're the girl of my dreams! 401 00:18:37,051 --> 00:18:40,153 I wish we could live inside this song forever. 402 00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,161 I did it, daughters. 403 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,963 I married her off. 404 00:18:49,997 --> 00:18:51,998 And to a prince, no less. 405 00:18:53,734 --> 00:18:57,904 We're just gonna let that guy and his fish take our cow? 406 00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:12,252 Are you ready, Francine, to pay for your sins? 407 00:19:12,286 --> 00:19:13,753 I am. 408 00:19:13,788 --> 00:19:17,290 Francine, you have broken your contract with God. 409 00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,392 Your family was true to their word, 410 00:19:19,427 --> 00:19:22,362 so fully-fingered they shall remain. 411 00:19:22,396 --> 00:19:23,963 Oh. 412 00:19:23,998 --> 00:19:26,266 Oh. Oh. 413 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,501 Francine, you are weak. 414 00:19:28,536 --> 00:19:29,769 You are a failure. 415 00:19:29,804 --> 00:19:31,704 You are... the very worst. 416 00:19:31,739 --> 00:19:32,872 No! 417 00:19:32,907 --> 00:19:34,040 She's innocent! 418 00:19:34,074 --> 00:19:35,608 Take my finger instead. 419 00:19:35,643 --> 00:19:37,343 No, I'm the worst! Take mine. 420 00:19:37,378 --> 00:19:38,645 Take my whole hand! 421 00:19:38,679 --> 00:19:41,247 Take my hairy right goose egg! 422 00:19:41,282 --> 00:19:43,917 My God. 423 00:19:43,951 --> 00:19:47,320 Smiths, what a heroic display. 424 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:50,156 A family coming together to save their matriarch. 425 00:19:50,191 --> 00:19:53,326 This sacrifice is the true spirit of Lent. 426 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:57,397 I hereby absolve you from any further sacrifice. 427 00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:05,071 Well, I get to keep my finger, 428 00:20:05,105 --> 00:20:08,107 but we broke another promise. 429 00:20:10,344 --> 00:20:12,479 Francine, you were right. 430 00:20:12,513 --> 00:20:14,314 We promised a finger, and for once, 431 00:20:14,348 --> 00:20:16,182 this family is following through. 432 00:20:16,217 --> 00:20:18,885 Welp, down to seven fingers. 433 00:20:18,919 --> 00:20:21,054 Oh, Stan, we did it! 434 00:20:21,088 --> 00:20:23,089 We finally don't suck. 435 00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:24,991 I love you. 436 00:20:25,025 --> 00:20:27,160 Let me tourniquet that, Mr. S. 437 00:20:30,831 --> 00:20:34,334 And so, Smiths, you have truly seen the message of Lent, 438 00:20:34,368 --> 00:20:37,504 and that is, if you want to please God, 439 00:20:37,538 --> 00:20:40,707 give up something for 40 days, or cut off a finger, 440 00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:43,276 then go right back to drinking, cursing, 441 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:46,312 pillaging, raping, and doing cocaine. 442 00:20:46,347 --> 00:20:49,582 My work here is done! 443 00:20:56,568 --> 00:20:58,960 I built this in your house.