1
00:00:04,764 --> 00:00:07,399
# Good morning, USA!
2
00:00:07,433 --> 00:00:11,336
# I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day #
3
00:00:11,371 --> 00:00:14,306
# The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face #
4
00:00:14,340 --> 00:00:18,744
# And he's shining a salute
to the American race #
5
00:00:20,613 --> 00:00:24,016
# Oh, boy, it's swell to say
6
00:00:24,050 --> 00:00:26,018
# Good...
# Good morning, USA
7
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Aah!
8
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You, you guys, Devon!
9
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:40,966
Devon is
10
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,670
retiring!
11
00:00:47,473 --> 00:00:49,574
Who the hell is Devon?
12
00:00:49,609 --> 00:00:51,677
Who the...?
13
00:00:54,414 --> 00:00:55,755
He's our mailman.
14
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The only man who's delivered mail
15
00:00:57,650 --> 00:01:00,001
to this house for my entire life.
16
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His shorts were always
the harbinger of summer!
17
00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:07,885
I could kill you right now.
18
00:01:07,919 --> 00:01:09,987
Weren't you supposed to quit
crying for New Year's?
19
00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:13,290
I'm sensitive!
20
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,459
It's a desirable trait in some cultures.
21
00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,895
In France, maybe...
Oh, my God! Move to France!
22
00:01:17,929 --> 00:01:19,696
Go. The hell. To France!
23
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:22,533
Stan, you were supposed to give
up yelling for New Year's.
24
00:01:22,567 --> 00:01:24,134
But I love yelling!
25
00:01:24,169 --> 00:01:25,836
It feels good and it's good for you.
26
00:01:25,870 --> 00:01:27,805
That's why Sam Kinison lived so long.
27
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I swear to God, you two.
28
00:01:31,609 --> 00:01:33,977
Uh, Mom? Weren't you
supposed to give up smoking?
29
00:01:35,380 --> 00:01:38,048
Yeah, well, you were
supposed to give up junk food.
30
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Ah, it's okay, Mrs. S.
31
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:44,888
And you were supposed to give up hugs!
32
00:01:44,923 --> 00:01:47,758
Is it such a flaw that
I want to hug everyone I see?
33
00:01:47,792 --> 00:01:49,860
If you're not a Special
Olympian, then yes.
34
00:01:49,894 --> 00:01:52,529
This family sucks.
35
00:01:52,564 --> 00:01:55,199
We never do anything
we say we're gonna do.
36
00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:57,434
Just look at the
popsicle stick White House
37
00:01:57,469 --> 00:01:59,470
we started six years ago.
38
00:02:01,406 --> 00:02:03,240
Mmm, popsicles.
39
00:02:03,274 --> 00:02:06,009
Hey, let's all quit our jobs
and buy an ice cream truck.
40
00:02:06,044 --> 00:02:07,878
Just drive around, making kids happy.
41
00:02:07,912 --> 00:02:09,847
That's a great idea!
We are totally doing this!
42
00:02:09,881 --> 00:02:11,748
I'm a kid!
I'll Google it tomorrow.
43
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,250
See what a truck would cost.
44
00:02:13,284 --> 00:02:15,125
Or maybe the next day.
Tomorrow's kind of busy.
45
00:02:15,153 --> 00:02:16,920
Gosh, it sounds really complicated.
46
00:02:16,955 --> 00:02:19,823
You know what? We tried. Let's just forget it.
Yeah, I don't really care.
47
00:02:19,858 --> 00:02:21,258
I don't know what we were thinking.
48
00:02:21,292 --> 00:02:22,726
Yeah, good idea, not a good idea.
49
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,495
Mardi Gras, bitches!
50
00:02:24,529 --> 00:02:26,230
I'm having a party at my bar.
51
00:02:26,264 --> 00:02:29,666
I got beads aplenty,
so I want to see all your tatas!
52
00:02:29,701 --> 00:02:32,336
Except you, Hayley.
You have the worst boobs.
53
00:02:32,370 --> 00:02:34,204
They're like 90% nips.
54
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Like two dark castles
with tiny little moats.
55
00:02:40,845 --> 00:02:42,713
Mardi Gras.
56
00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:44,648
That means Lent starts tomorrow!
57
00:02:44,682 --> 00:02:47,117
This is our chance
to give up our vices again!
58
00:02:47,151 --> 00:02:48,418
What the hell is Lent?
59
00:02:48,453 --> 00:02:51,588
Lent is the period
between Mardi Gras and Easter.
60
00:02:51,623 --> 00:02:54,324
It's a time of prayer and introspection.
61
00:02:54,359 --> 00:02:57,127
People give up things
for the 40 days of Lent
62
00:02:57,161 --> 00:03:01,298
to get closer to God
or remember Jesus' sacrifice.
63
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# No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
64
00:03:03,234 --> 00:03:04,501
# No-no-no-no-no-no!
65
00:03:04,536 --> 00:03:06,403
# No-no-no-no!
66
00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:10,440
I don't appreciate you tainting
my booby holiday with God stuff.
67
00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:14,144
Come on, guys.
What do you say?
68
00:03:14,178 --> 00:03:16,313
Let's give it another try for Lent.
69
00:03:16,347 --> 00:03:17,414
No yelling.
70
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:18,715
No crying.
71
00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:19,983
No junk food.
72
00:03:20,018 --> 00:03:21,151
No hugs.
73
00:03:21,185 --> 00:03:22,786
And I'll quit smoking.
74
00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:25,188
And we'll really follow through
this time.
75
00:03:25,223 --> 00:03:26,723
I don't know.
Too hard.
76
00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:28,625
Not into it.
I do what she says.
77
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,394
Okay, fine.
78
00:03:30,428 --> 00:03:33,130
If you do this, I'll let everyone
79
00:03:33,164 --> 00:03:36,066
get pee-in-their-pants drunk
at Roger's Mardi Gras.
80
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:37,534
Yeah!
81
00:03:37,569 --> 00:03:39,836
Let's get in line so
we're the first ones there!
82
00:03:41,039 --> 00:03:43,040
Deputy Director Bullock?
What are you doing here?
83
00:03:43,074 --> 00:03:44,141
Are you kidding me?
84
00:03:44,175 --> 00:03:46,610
I hear this is
the best party of the year.
85
00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:48,712
What the hell, Avery?
You didn't save my place?
86
00:03:48,746 --> 00:03:50,847
I've been waiting with you
for, like, three days.
87
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:53,951
When you went off to get your
Frito Pie, I had time to think.
88
00:03:53,985 --> 00:03:57,955
And my thought was I hate you.
89
00:03:57,989 --> 00:03:59,089
Treme!
90
00:03:59,123 --> 00:03:59,957
Etouffée!
91
00:03:59,991 --> 00:04:00,958
Beignet!
92
00:04:00,992 --> 00:04:01,858
You're gay!
93
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:03,193
Hooray!
Hooray!
94
00:04:03,227 --> 00:04:05,228
Last chance to get our vices out.
95
00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:11,535
Oh, I'm gonna miss crying so much.
96
00:04:11,569 --> 00:04:13,670
Am I drunk?
What's in this cake?
97
00:04:13,705 --> 00:04:16,373
Rum! It's also
in this needle.
98
00:04:19,711 --> 00:04:23,380
Another shot! The Prince
of Mardi Gras demands it!
99
00:04:23,414 --> 00:04:25,616
I'm yelling!
100
00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:29,186
So do you and Greg plan
to give up butt play for Lent?
101
00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:31,388
Um, we don't consider that a vice.
102
00:04:31,422 --> 00:04:32,756
It's an act of love.
103
00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:35,058
Ah, well, there's the difference then.
104
00:04:35,093 --> 00:04:37,227
I'm giving it up for sure.
105
00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:46,103
Oo-ho!
106
00:04:46,137 --> 00:04:48,071
I fell in love last night, Klaus.
107
00:04:48,106 --> 00:04:51,074
Tell me everything...
No! Tell me the highlights.
108
00:04:51,109 --> 00:04:52,576
It was magical.
109
00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:55,345
She had breasts like
I've never seen before.
110
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,547
We danced all night,
but when midnight came,
111
00:04:57,582 --> 00:04:59,416
she ran off before I could get her name.
112
00:04:59,450 --> 00:05:00,951
You were smashed, man.
113
00:05:00,985 --> 00:05:02,919
You kept high-fiving
that black guy.
114
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,122
He was not into it.
115
00:05:07,659 --> 00:05:10,260
Klaus, this pastie...
It's hers...
116
00:05:10,294 --> 00:05:11,628
She was wearing it!
117
00:05:11,663 --> 00:05:13,997
The most perfect bosom I've ever seen
118
00:05:14,032 --> 00:05:15,899
wore this pastie last night!
119
00:05:15,933 --> 00:05:18,268
I have to find the booby
that fits this pastie
120
00:05:18,302 --> 00:05:20,137
so I can spend the rest of my life
121
00:05:20,171 --> 00:05:21,805
happily ever after with its owner.
122
00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:23,807
Ooh, maybe she'll have a friend.
123
00:05:23,841 --> 00:05:26,076
Yeah, and I'm sure
she'll want to get with a fish.
124
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,478
Look, you got to start
being more realistic, okay?
125
00:05:28,513 --> 00:05:30,080
Now grab your heralding trumpet
126
00:05:30,114 --> 00:05:31,982
and meet me in the pumpkin carriage.
127
00:05:35,019 --> 00:05:37,387
I don't feel that hung over.
128
00:05:37,422 --> 00:05:39,923
Guess I can handle my alcohol
better than you guys.
129
00:05:39,957 --> 00:05:41,258
Oh, yeah?
130
00:05:41,292 --> 00:05:44,428
Pubic hair and mayonnaise ice cream.
131
00:05:49,467 --> 00:05:52,436
Hey! That guy... that guy's
gonna get a piece of my mind.
132
00:05:53,504 --> 00:05:55,172
He's got glasses.
133
00:05:55,206 --> 00:05:57,240
I'm gonna call him a nerd.
Gonna start with that...
134
00:05:57,275 --> 00:05:59,609
Stan. Remember, you're
giving up yelling for Lent.
135
00:05:59,644 --> 00:06:01,845
Look, we're doing this
136
00:06:01,879 --> 00:06:05,415
and we're all gonna stick
with it this time, right, guys?
137
00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:06,817
Bleah!
138
00:06:07,885 --> 00:06:10,220
Whoa, look at that?
139
00:06:10,254 --> 00:06:11,655
Whoa...
140
00:06:15,226 --> 00:06:17,994
American Dad cares.
141
00:06:19,831 --> 00:06:21,231
Francine, maybe we'll all just give up
142
00:06:21,265 --> 00:06:22,733
making you happy for Lent.
143
00:06:22,767 --> 00:06:23,867
Would that make you happy?
144
00:06:23,901 --> 00:06:25,569
Smiths! Good Lent to you!
145
00:06:25,603 --> 00:06:27,237
How are the sacrifices going?
146
00:06:27,271 --> 00:06:29,106
Yeah, it turns out
we're gonna blow that off.
147
00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:32,109
Hmm. I'm afraid that wouldn't
be in your best interest.
148
00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:34,010
You made a deal with me last night
149
00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:36,146
to make sure I help you follow through.
150
00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,248
Like you give a rat's ass
what anyone does.
151
00:06:38,282 --> 00:06:40,217
You've stolen babies and sold them
152
00:06:40,251 --> 00:06:41,451
to underground dinner clubs.
153
00:06:41,486 --> 00:06:44,521
How dare you That was pillow talk!
154
00:06:44,555 --> 00:06:48,358
Oh, I'll admit it:
I'm a degenerate.
155
00:06:48,392 --> 00:06:50,527
I love drugs and drinking and gambling,
156
00:06:50,561 --> 00:06:54,431
and my moral compass
always points south...
157
00:06:54,465 --> 00:06:56,500
Yeah...!
158
00:06:56,534 --> 00:06:57,734
But during Lent I repent
159
00:06:57,769 --> 00:06:59,803
and that makes up
for the rest of the year.
160
00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:01,838
This year my Lenten promise
161
00:07:01,873 --> 00:07:05,175
is making sure you keep
your Lenten promises.
162
00:07:05,209 --> 00:07:07,644
You all agreed.
You signed a contract.
163
00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,079
What contract?
164
00:07:09,113 --> 00:07:11,181
Ah, yes, you were quite drunk.
165
00:07:11,215 --> 00:07:13,116
I was afraid you may not remember,
166
00:07:13,151 --> 00:07:15,619
so I documented everything.
167
00:07:17,188 --> 00:07:20,090
While this loads, did you guys
ever think of this?
168
00:07:20,124 --> 00:07:24,961
Sylvester Stallone's name is Sylvester.
169
00:07:24,996 --> 00:07:28,131
Habet Bullock cultro.
170
00:07:28,166 --> 00:07:31,434
Si non sequitur meo per votum...
171
00:07:31,469 --> 00:07:35,639
My man! Up top! My dog!
...ego Lenten anathema seseque digitum.
172
00:07:35,673 --> 00:07:37,707
That contract you signed says
173
00:07:37,742 --> 00:07:41,778
I get to cut off a finger of
the first person who cracks.
174
00:07:41,813 --> 00:07:43,246
You're full of it.
175
00:07:43,281 --> 00:07:45,281
You're not really going
to cut off anyone's finger.
176
00:07:47,351 --> 00:07:48,618
Ew, gross!
177
00:07:48,653 --> 00:07:52,189
Yes. I started collecting
when I was in Vietnam.
178
00:07:52,223 --> 00:07:53,690
Two summers ago.
179
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,959
I was on a sex tour.
Did not get laid.
180
00:07:55,993 --> 00:07:57,527
Had zero game.
181
00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:59,062
Just kept...
182
00:07:59,096 --> 00:08:00,597
cutting off fingers.
183
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,128
You want to cut off our fingers?!
184
00:08:08,162 --> 00:08:09,379
One finger.
185
00:08:09,499 --> 00:08:11,631
The finger of the first person
186
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,399
who doesn't keep their Lenten promise.
187
00:08:13,434 --> 00:08:15,568
I hope it's the boy.
Why?!
188
00:08:15,603 --> 00:08:17,637
I envy your youth!
189
00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:20,874
Hey, hey, come on.
This a good thing.
190
00:08:20,908 --> 00:08:24,711
This is our chance to finally
follow through on something.
191
00:08:24,745 --> 00:08:27,113
And now there are real consequences
192
00:08:27,148 --> 00:08:28,781
if someone slips up.
193
00:08:28,816 --> 00:08:30,850
I've installed cameras
all over your house
194
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,218
to track your every move.
195
00:08:33,420 --> 00:08:35,388
And not to worry, Francine.
196
00:08:35,422 --> 00:08:39,325
There are no minicameras
in your tampons, so...
197
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,861
all good to go there.
198
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:54,607
Make way for the Prince of Mardi Gras!
199
00:08:54,642 --> 00:08:56,609
My good man, I'm looking for the maiden
200
00:08:56,644 --> 00:08:59,913
who fits this pastie
so I may maketh her my wife.
201
00:08:59,947 --> 00:09:01,714
Uh-huh...
202
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:04,250
None of my girls
wear anything like this.
203
00:09:04,285 --> 00:09:07,086
But there is one stripper here
who may be able to help you.
204
00:09:07,121 --> 00:09:09,255
She's been in the business for decades.
205
00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:12,492
Ooh, she's wise as ass.
206
00:09:17,998 --> 00:09:19,499
Fair one.
207
00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:22,835
It is rumored you know
of all things stripper.
208
00:09:24,572 --> 00:09:27,740
This is not the pastie of a stripper.
209
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,576
It's handmade.
210
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:34,247
This pastie belonged to a civilian.
211
00:09:34,281 --> 00:09:36,049
Thank you, wise one.
212
00:09:36,083 --> 00:09:37,984
A hay-penny
for your troubles.
213
00:09:47,127 --> 00:09:50,463
Plinko!
214
00:09:55,202 --> 00:09:57,770
Ah, nothing like a nice movie night
215
00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:00,640
to take our minds off Lent, huh, gang?
216
00:10:00,674 --> 00:10:01,774
Let's see what we got...
217
00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:03,276
Oh, Lucas!
218
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,811
Nope, that'll make me cry.
219
00:10:04,845 --> 00:10:06,012
Okay. Field of Dreams.
220
00:10:06,046 --> 00:10:08,248
No way. Hits
too close to home.
221
00:10:08,282 --> 00:10:10,283
I was never close to my father.
222
00:10:12,186 --> 00:10:15,188
Do you have to eat that junk food
223
00:10:15,222 --> 00:10:16,689
right in front of my face?
224
00:10:16,724 --> 00:10:18,424
I need it so I don't smoke.
225
00:10:18,459 --> 00:10:19,692
Nope.
226
00:10:19,727 --> 00:10:20,927
Nope.
227
00:10:20,961 --> 00:10:24,631
Steve, please, kindly,
please find a movie
228
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:27,333
and stop flipping channels
before I wring the last breath
229
00:10:27,368 --> 00:10:29,802
out of your very, very,
very annoying body.
230
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,404
Thank you very much. Thanks.
231
00:10:31,438 --> 00:10:33,740
Ugh, I can't be near that popcorn.
232
00:10:33,774 --> 00:10:35,808
Just get it out of my face!
233
00:10:38,212 --> 00:10:39,679
Well done, Hayley!
234
00:10:39,713 --> 00:10:41,080
Throw out the temptation.
235
00:10:41,115 --> 00:10:43,249
Throw out the devil in all of you.
236
00:10:43,284 --> 00:10:45,785
Mr. Bullock, sir!
Please, let us off the hook.
237
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:47,887
I know it's difficult, young man.
238
00:10:47,921 --> 00:10:50,757
Of course, if you'd rather
I just take a finger
239
00:10:50,791 --> 00:10:54,193
from one of you,
that will satisfy our contract.
240
00:10:55,296 --> 00:10:57,764
Oh, and I was watching the shower cam.
241
00:10:57,798 --> 00:10:59,332
Jeff, quick question:
242
00:10:59,366 --> 00:11:02,001
Why do you only shave
your left goose egg?
243
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:05,638
I'm doing it now too, and
I want to know the reason why.
244
00:11:08,142 --> 00:11:09,442
Okay, Mrs. Simmons,
245
00:11:09,476 --> 00:11:11,978
if you'll step away
from the mammogram machine,
246
00:11:12,012 --> 00:11:14,147
I have one more important test.
247
00:11:14,181 --> 00:11:16,649
All right, sir, I said
you could try three nipples
248
00:11:16,684 --> 00:11:18,318
and then you'd have to go.
249
00:11:18,352 --> 00:11:19,285
Fine.
250
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,321
But as long as I'm here...
251
00:11:22,990 --> 00:11:25,258
Your breasts are full of spiders!
252
00:11:25,292 --> 00:11:26,259
Perfect!
253
00:11:26,293 --> 00:11:27,660
That's the way I like 'em.
254
00:11:30,197 --> 00:11:32,932
Hey, how's Daddy's little trooper?
255
00:11:32,966 --> 00:11:34,267
This sucks, Dad.
256
00:11:34,301 --> 00:11:35,435
I know, kiddo.
257
00:11:35,469 --> 00:11:37,437
Listen, I get that this is hard for you,
258
00:11:37,471 --> 00:11:39,505
but you're such a sweet, good boy.
259
00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:42,842
That's why I want you to let Bullock take your finger.
What?!
260
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:44,677
You heard him--
as soon as he gets his finger,
261
00:11:44,712 --> 00:11:46,346
he'll leave, and we'll
all be off the hook.
262
00:11:46,380 --> 00:11:48,715
So just give up and let
him have your finger.
263
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:49,882
For me.
264
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,050
For Papa.
265
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,051
Forget it, man.
266
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,786
Okay, we're at an impasse.
267
00:11:53,821 --> 00:11:55,288
But someone in this house
268
00:11:55,322 --> 00:11:57,290
has to crack and give
Bullock their finger
269
00:11:57,324 --> 00:11:58,691
because not being able to yell
270
00:11:58,726 --> 00:12:01,194
is giving me very tiny hard poops.
271
00:12:01,228 --> 00:12:02,662
Babe, where's my hat?
272
00:12:02,696 --> 00:12:03,963
You're wearing it.
273
00:12:06,066 --> 00:12:07,967
Of course, the moron!
274
00:12:08,001 --> 00:12:09,836
The moron.
275
00:12:15,542 --> 00:12:16,676
Jeff.
276
00:12:16,710 --> 00:12:17,844
Mr. S.
277
00:12:17,878 --> 00:12:19,645
Jeff.
278
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:20,646
Jeffrey.
279
00:12:20,681 --> 00:12:22,248
I don't think I tell you enough
280
00:12:22,282 --> 00:12:24,417
how honored I am
to have you in my family.
281
00:12:24,451 --> 00:12:25,418
Really?
282
00:12:25,452 --> 00:12:27,286
I just wish there was some physical way
283
00:12:27,321 --> 00:12:29,322
I could express our familial closeness.
284
00:12:29,356 --> 00:12:30,656
Oh, Mr. S....
285
00:12:30,691 --> 00:12:32,859
I love you, Jeff Fischer.
286
00:12:32,893 --> 00:12:35,027
Meet love halfway, Jeff.
287
00:12:35,062 --> 00:12:36,362
Babe, no!
288
00:12:36,397 --> 00:12:38,264
You're in pre-hug!
289
00:12:38,298 --> 00:12:40,166
They're trying to sabotage you!
290
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,301
Well, two can play at that game.
291
00:12:42,336 --> 00:12:46,372
Obama has done amazing things
with health care.
292
00:12:46,407 --> 00:12:49,509
Soon our medical system
will be as good as Canada's.
293
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:55,715
# It's been seven hours and 15 days #
294
00:12:55,749 --> 00:12:57,049
No!
295
00:12:57,084 --> 00:13:00,019
# Since you took your love away #
296
00:13:00,053 --> 00:13:01,687
The saddest song ever.
297
00:13:01,722 --> 00:13:03,289
Dad, help!
298
00:13:03,323 --> 00:13:05,124
Hang on, son!
I'm coming!
299
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:10,663
# I go out every night
and sleep all day #
300
00:13:10,697 --> 00:13:12,432
Traitor!
301
00:13:12,466 --> 00:13:15,868
# Since you took your love away #
302
00:13:15,903 --> 00:13:17,203
# But nothing
303
00:13:17,237 --> 00:13:19,038
That's right, Steve.
Your father betrayed you.
304
00:13:19,039 --> 00:13:21,007
# I said nothing can take away these blues #
Hurts, don't it?
305
00:13:21,041 --> 00:13:22,141
Let it out, buddy.
306
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,243
Jeff, Steve's about to go down.
307
00:13:24,278 --> 00:13:28,548
# 'Cause nothing compares
308
00:13:28,582 --> 00:13:31,651
# Nothing compares 2 U
309
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,252
Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!
Can't hear, won't cry!
310
00:13:33,287 --> 00:13:34,320
Can't hear, won't cry!
311
00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:36,255
What the hell is going on in here?!
312
00:13:36,290 --> 00:13:37,890
They're trying to make me break.
313
00:13:37,925 --> 00:13:40,493
What is wrong with you people?
314
00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:43,129
Lent is only 37 more days.
315
00:13:44,665 --> 00:13:47,700
People are stressing me out,
and I can't smoke,
316
00:13:47,734 --> 00:13:50,870
so I'm gonna go sit on the dryer
and think about Stamos.
317
00:13:53,073 --> 00:13:54,740
What are we gonna do, Dad?
318
00:13:54,775 --> 00:13:56,576
I don't think we can make it.
319
00:13:56,610 --> 00:13:57,944
We'll be fine.
320
00:13:57,978 --> 00:13:59,712
Besides, what's the worst
that could happen?
321
00:14:01,849 --> 00:14:04,984
Hey gang, I'm ho... ly moly!
322
00:14:15,262 --> 00:14:18,564
I just wanted us to be a good family.
323
00:14:18,599 --> 00:14:22,068
Sorry, I didn't mean to make it
sound like I was blaming you.
324
00:14:33,013 --> 00:14:34,814
Ha-ha!
Gotcha!
325
00:14:34,848 --> 00:14:36,616
I don't understand.
326
00:14:36,650 --> 00:14:38,351
Trickery! Steve's guts?
327
00:14:38,385 --> 00:14:40,887
A simple garden hose
covered in hot sauce!
328
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:43,723
What?! Why would you do that?!
329
00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:45,892
So you'd break,
and we could end all this.
330
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,226
After all, it was you
331
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,629
who dragged us into this
in the first place.
332
00:14:49,663 --> 00:14:52,832
Oh, did I miss a hot sauce
and hose party?
333
00:14:52,866 --> 00:14:55,434
Francine!
334
00:14:55,469 --> 00:14:57,069
Are you smoking?!
335
00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:59,539
Looks like I'm cutting off your finger.
336
00:14:59,573 --> 00:15:01,741
Just one finger
from whoever cracked first.
337
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,142
That was the deal, right?
338
00:15:03,176 --> 00:15:04,110
Right-o!
339
00:15:04,144 --> 00:15:05,645
We're free!
340
00:15:08,482 --> 00:15:09,682
So good.
341
00:15:11,852 --> 00:15:14,253
Mmm. Mmm.
342
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,589
Stop flipping channels yesterday!
343
00:15:20,327 --> 00:15:23,296
So, Francine, which finger shall I take?
344
00:15:23,330 --> 00:15:25,431
This one.
345
00:15:25,465 --> 00:15:29,569
Ooh, that is a hard burn on you, Smiths.
346
00:15:36,573 --> 00:15:38,088
All right then, I'm off to the kitchen
347
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:39,521
to set up the ceremony,
348
00:15:39,641 --> 00:15:42,348
and then we'll chop
your pinky off in two shakes.
349
00:15:45,813 --> 00:15:47,547
Francine, you're shaking like a leaf.
350
00:15:47,582 --> 00:15:49,382
Do you not want to do this?
351
00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:52,419
It's okay. I have a plan
to get you out of here.
352
00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:54,721
We're not gonna let Bullock
cut off your finger.
353
00:15:54,755 --> 00:15:57,123
Okay, huddle up.
354
00:15:57,158 --> 00:15:58,291
Okay, here's the plan.
355
00:15:58,326 --> 00:15:59,759
We peel out of the driveway,
356
00:15:59,794 --> 00:16:01,661
hit the freeway and head for the border.
357
00:16:01,696 --> 00:16:03,430
But hold on, Francine.
Here comes Bullock.
358
00:16:03,464 --> 00:16:05,298
Oh, man, he's in a Lamborghini.
359
00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:06,566
Jeff, toss me the Uzi.
360
00:16:06,601 --> 00:16:07,767
Oh, no, I forgot it.
361
00:16:07,802 --> 00:16:10,270
You idiot! Then
we'll have to lose him.
362
00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:12,038
I'm gonna drive straight into the mall!
363
00:16:12,073 --> 00:16:13,607
Not through the puppy store!
364
00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:17,410
Stop! Stan, I'm not
running away from this.
365
00:16:17,445 --> 00:16:18,578
Mwa?
366
00:16:18,613 --> 00:16:20,247
We made a promise to Bullock,
367
00:16:20,281 --> 00:16:22,115
and for once in our lives,
368
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,651
we're going to be a family
that follows through.
369
00:16:24,685 --> 00:16:26,853
I'm letting him take my finger.
370
00:16:30,558 --> 00:16:32,092
I got to warn you guys.
371
00:16:32,126 --> 00:16:34,394
I get real faint at the sight of blood.
372
00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:38,431
What?! You?! No!
373
00:16:40,968 --> 00:16:43,603
Have you ever seen a sad prince, Klaus?
374
00:16:43,638 --> 00:16:46,206
Well, Prince Charles
was pretty devastated when...
375
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,174
I'm the saddest prince there is
376
00:16:48,209 --> 00:16:51,177
because I cannot find my true love.
377
00:16:51,212 --> 00:16:53,079
But hark!
378
00:16:53,114 --> 00:16:55,982
Upon what hopeful vision
does my royal gaze fall?
379
00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:01,921
Klaus, my liege,
380
00:17:01,956 --> 00:17:04,624
it appears we may be nearing
the end of our quest.
381
00:17:04,659 --> 00:17:07,427
I can't stop thinking about
those spiders in your boobies.
382
00:17:14,568 --> 00:17:17,203
Good sir, 'tis I,
the Prince of Mardi Gras.
383
00:17:17,238 --> 00:17:19,973
Be there any fair maidens
in this cottage?
384
00:17:20,007 --> 00:17:21,274
Why, yes, indeed.
385
00:17:21,309 --> 00:17:23,543
I have three
uniquely-breasted daughters,
386
00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:26,046
and they all went
to your Mardi Gras ball.
387
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,516
The prince is here to see
all the bosoms in the house!
388
00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:31,951
Oh! The prince!
He's here!
389
00:17:31,986 --> 00:17:33,720
Father, Father, try my bitty first.
390
00:17:33,754 --> 00:17:35,889
No, mine.
Try mine.
391
00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:37,991
It'll fit me.
I just know it.
392
00:17:56,544 --> 00:17:58,778
But the crest
and the fairy tale cottage.
393
00:17:58,813 --> 00:18:01,915
Are you sure there are not
any other maidens in the house?
394
00:18:01,949 --> 00:18:03,516
Well, I do have a stepdaughter,
395
00:18:03,551 --> 00:18:05,518
but it couldn't possibly be her.
396
00:18:05,553 --> 00:18:07,987
She was not permitted
to go to the party.
397
00:18:08,022 --> 00:18:09,689
She was busy doing chores.
398
00:18:16,664 --> 00:18:19,399
Oh, my God, now I remember.
399
00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:20,867
It's you!
400
00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:23,136
You're the girl of my dreams!
401
00:18:37,051 --> 00:18:40,153
I wish we could live
inside this song forever.
402
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,161
I did it, daughters.
403
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,963
I married her off.
404
00:18:49,997 --> 00:18:51,998
And to a prince, no less.
405
00:18:53,734 --> 00:18:57,904
We're just gonna let that guy
and his fish take our cow?
406
00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:12,252
Are you ready, Francine,
to pay for your sins?
407
00:19:12,286 --> 00:19:13,753
I am.
408
00:19:13,788 --> 00:19:17,290
Francine, you have broken
your contract with God.
409
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,392
Your family was true to their word,
410
00:19:19,427 --> 00:19:22,362
so fully-fingered
they shall remain.
411
00:19:22,396 --> 00:19:23,963
Oh.
412
00:19:23,998 --> 00:19:26,266
Oh. Oh.
413
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,501
Francine, you are weak.
414
00:19:28,536 --> 00:19:29,769
You are a failure.
415
00:19:29,804 --> 00:19:31,704
You are...
the very worst.
416
00:19:31,739 --> 00:19:32,872
No!
417
00:19:32,907 --> 00:19:34,040
She's innocent!
418
00:19:34,074 --> 00:19:35,608
Take my finger instead.
419
00:19:35,643 --> 00:19:37,343
No, I'm the worst!
Take mine.
420
00:19:37,378 --> 00:19:38,645
Take my whole hand!
421
00:19:38,679 --> 00:19:41,247
Take my hairy right goose egg!
422
00:19:41,282 --> 00:19:43,917
My God.
423
00:19:43,951 --> 00:19:47,320
Smiths, what a heroic display.
424
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:50,156
A family coming together
to save their matriarch.
425
00:19:50,191 --> 00:19:53,326
This sacrifice is
the true spirit of Lent.
426
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:57,397
I hereby absolve you
from any further sacrifice.
427
00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:05,071
Well, I get to keep my finger,
428
00:20:05,105 --> 00:20:08,107
but we broke another promise.
429
00:20:10,344 --> 00:20:12,479
Francine, you were right.
430
00:20:12,513 --> 00:20:14,314
We promised a finger, and for once,
431
00:20:14,348 --> 00:20:16,182
this family is following through.
432
00:20:16,217 --> 00:20:18,885
Welp, down to seven fingers.
433
00:20:18,919 --> 00:20:21,054
Oh, Stan, we did it!
434
00:20:21,088 --> 00:20:23,089
We finally don't suck.
435
00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:24,991
I love you.
436
00:20:25,025 --> 00:20:27,160
Let me tourniquet
that, Mr. S.
437
00:20:30,831 --> 00:20:34,334
And so, Smiths, you have truly
seen the message of Lent,
438
00:20:34,368 --> 00:20:37,504
and that is, if you want to please God,
439
00:20:37,538 --> 00:20:40,707
give up something for 40 days,
or cut off a finger,
440
00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:43,276
then go right back to drinking, cursing,
441
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:46,312
pillaging, raping, and doing cocaine.
442
00:20:46,347 --> 00:20:49,582
My work here is done!
443
00:20:56,568 --> 00:20:58,960
I built this in your house.