1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,834
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:02,886 --> 00:00:05,688
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
3
00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:09,625
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
4
00:00:09,693 --> 00:00:12,528
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
5
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:16,699
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
6
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:22,288
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
7
00:00:22,373 --> 00:00:24,173
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
8
00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:25,842
Aah!
9
00:00:25,909 --> 00:00:29,813
♪ American Dad 6x10 ♪
Stanny Boy and Frantastic
Original Air Date on January 23, 2011
10
00:00:30,013 --> 00:00:33,613
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
11
00:00:36,020 --> 00:00:37,970
Hey, did I ever
tell you the story
12
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,490
of the time I got my head
stuck in the banister?
13
00:00:40,557 --> 00:00:42,225
196 times.
14
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,027
In fact, why don't
I tell it to you?
15
00:00:44,094 --> 00:00:45,395
You were eight
16
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,330
and you got your head stuck
in the staircase banister.
17
00:00:47,398 --> 00:00:49,332
So your mother buttered
your ears and slid you out.
18
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:50,733
And that's why, to this day,
19
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:54,203
you always carry a stick
of butter in your purse.
20
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:56,039
Yep.
21
00:00:56,106 --> 00:00:58,508
That's the banister story.
22
00:00:58,575 --> 00:00:59,809
Oh, my God.
23
00:00:59,877 --> 00:01:01,744
Is this what our life
is going to be?
24
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,312
Just you and me,
25
00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:06,682
telling each other the same
old story over and over?
26
00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:09,018
Just say the word and we'll jump
into the suicide pit.
27
00:01:09,086 --> 00:01:11,788
(mechanical whirring,
alligators roaring)
28
00:01:11,855 --> 00:01:14,390
You'd like it if we jumped
down there, wouldn't you?
29
00:01:14,458 --> 00:01:15,658
You want my hand?
30
00:01:15,726 --> 00:01:17,226
You want this finger?
Huh? Huh?
31
00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:19,328
Don't-don't-don't tease 'em.
32
00:01:19,396 --> 00:01:21,731
(mechanical whirring,
alligator whimpering)
33
00:01:21,799 --> 00:01:24,367
I won tickets to the new Cirque
du Soleil show next week--
34
00:01:24,435 --> 00:01:25,968
Cirque du Soleil
Moon Frye!
35
00:01:26,036 --> 00:01:27,737
Oh, I've heard of that one.
36
00:01:27,805 --> 00:01:30,440
Top-heavy actresses get stuck
in a refrigerator
37
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,308
and have to dance their way out.
38
00:01:32,376 --> 00:01:33,743
Great, that sounds
like something to do.
39
00:01:33,811 --> 00:01:35,144
We'll take those.
Hey!
40
00:01:35,212 --> 00:01:36,779
You guys can't do this.
41
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,648
(mechanical whirring,
alligators roaring)
42
00:01:38,715 --> 00:01:40,583
I think we can.
43
00:01:43,220 --> 00:01:45,488
Oh, look, there's four!
44
00:01:45,556 --> 00:01:46,789
We can take
another couple.
45
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,124
What about Gary and Lisa?
46
00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,859
He's great,
but I hate her.
47
00:01:49,927 --> 00:01:51,127
How about Ted
and Linda?
48
00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,378
She's great,
but I hate him.
49
00:01:52,463 --> 00:01:54,330
Greg and Terry?
Both great!
50
00:01:54,398 --> 00:01:55,932
(line ringing)
51
00:01:55,999 --> 00:01:57,733
Hey, it's Francine.
52
00:01:57,801 --> 00:02:00,636
We have extra tickets
to a show next Thursday.
53
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,638
(laughs)
54
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,241
Okay, great!
55
00:02:05,309 --> 00:02:06,976
Turns out
they hate us.
56
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:08,311
I can see that.
57
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,213
SPOKESPERSON:
Why pay ten bucks
58
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,849
for pre-bagged cotton candy
59
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:15,585
when you can have it fresh
at any time?
60
00:02:17,921 --> 00:02:19,956
With the Cotton Candy Shooter,
61
00:02:20,023 --> 00:02:23,626
you can have portable perfection
in the palm of your hand!
62
00:02:25,262 --> 00:02:27,797
On it!
63
00:02:27,865 --> 00:02:30,433
Yes, I'd like to order
the Cotton Candy Shooter.
64
00:02:30,501 --> 00:02:32,552
We are going to have
so much fun with this!
65
00:02:32,636 --> 00:02:33,836
What are you gonna do
66
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,438
with a portable
Cotton Candy Shooter?
67
00:02:35,506 --> 00:02:36,639
You're stuck in a fishbowl!
68
00:02:36,707 --> 00:02:38,074
You don't need portability!
69
00:02:38,142 --> 00:02:40,243
No, I'm here. I was just
mocking my stupid friend.
70
00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:43,212
Anyway, last four digits 5664.
71
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,214
Expiration 8/12.
72
00:02:45,282 --> 00:02:46,582
Yeah, Greg Corbin.
73
00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:48,050
Thank you.
74
00:02:48,118 --> 00:02:50,953
I stole a credit card
from Greg and Terry's mailbox.
75
00:02:51,021 --> 00:02:53,656
As long as I don't charge over
40 bucks, they never catch on.
76
00:02:53,724 --> 00:02:55,758
They get the bill and it goes
something like this...
77
00:02:55,826 --> 00:02:57,460
(as Greg):
"Honey, did you spend 14.99
78
00:02:57,528 --> 00:02:59,529
at a place called
CCS Enterprises?"
79
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,797
(as Terry):
"Hmm, is that that new
wine store on Grove Street?"
80
00:03:01,865 --> 00:03:03,232
(as Greg):
"Maybe. I also got a couple
81
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,268
of vintage butter dishes
off eBay. Could be that."
82
00:03:05,335 --> 00:03:06,536
(as Terry):
"And don't forget that mm-hmm
83
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,538
that came in the brown
paper package."
84
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,840
(as Greg):
"Tie me up with string 'cause
that was my favorite thing!"
85
00:03:10,908 --> 00:03:12,708
After that, they do it
on the Viking rangetop
86
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,644
and end up ignoring the charge.
87
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:18,414
Tuck yourself in tonight.
We'll be late.
88
00:03:18,482 --> 00:03:20,416
Where you gotta be
that's so damn important
89
00:03:20,484 --> 00:03:21,951
I don't get a
forehead kiss?
90
00:03:22,019 --> 00:03:25,454
Your mother and I are gonna
go try to make some friends.
91
00:03:26,690 --> 00:03:29,492
I'll kiss your forehead
for you.
92
00:03:31,895 --> 00:03:33,796
(muffled crying)
93
00:03:33,864 --> 00:03:35,331
I got ya. I got ya.
94
00:03:35,399 --> 00:03:36,632
I got ya.
95
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,601
♪ ♪
96
00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:41,137
They look like a couple
we can be friends with.
97
00:03:41,205 --> 00:03:44,140
Hey, the wife and I have
the exact same set of...
98
00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:45,474
(screams)
Oh, my God! No!
99
00:03:45,542 --> 00:03:47,043
No, no, you're hideous!
100
00:03:47,110 --> 00:03:48,978
Stan, aren't you going
to introduce me to your...
101
00:03:49,046 --> 00:03:51,013
No! Come on!
102
00:03:51,081 --> 00:03:52,899
Run!
103
00:03:57,521 --> 00:03:59,855
They're so cute out there,
aren't they?
104
00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:01,190
Which one's yours?
105
00:04:01,258 --> 00:04:03,492
Um... number 12.
106
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,528
That's... ours.
107
00:04:05,596 --> 00:04:07,530
I meant number 21.
108
00:04:07,598 --> 00:04:09,365
The... the black one?
109
00:04:09,433 --> 00:04:10,499
Yes.
110
00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:11,968
My wife here
cheated on me.
111
00:04:12,035 --> 00:04:13,803
Anyways, you guys want
to grab some soosh?
112
00:04:20,377 --> 00:04:21,661
♪ ♪
113
00:04:21,745 --> 00:04:23,412
Well, I sold
the extra tickets.
114
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,082
I can't believe we couldn't
find one couple friend.
115
00:04:26,149 --> 00:04:28,384
I can't believe this place
doesn't serve booze.
116
00:04:28,452 --> 00:04:29,652
What?!
117
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,187
There's the guy
I sold the seats to.
118
00:04:31,255 --> 00:04:32,855
I'm so glad you had
those extra tickets.
119
00:04:32,923 --> 00:04:34,557
You know, the wife and I
have been really curious
120
00:04:34,625 --> 00:04:35,925
about this show.
121
00:04:35,993 --> 00:04:37,593
We snuck in some margaritas.
122
00:04:37,661 --> 00:04:39,028
Do you guys want one?
123
00:04:39,096 --> 00:04:40,596
I can't believe
they don't sell booze.
124
00:04:40,664 --> 00:04:41,864
We were just saying!
125
00:04:41,932 --> 00:04:43,032
Totally!
126
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:44,367
They're a couple!
127
00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:45,935
They're perfect!
Ow!
128
00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:47,803
You elbowed my booby!
I'm sorry.
129
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,005
It's cool!
130
00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:54,110
I have had it
with the malt shop.
131
00:04:54,177 --> 00:04:56,012
Kids don't
come in anymore.
132
00:04:56,079 --> 00:04:57,179
(sighs)
133
00:04:57,247 --> 00:04:59,115
Who killed small-town
America, Steve?
134
00:04:59,182 --> 00:05:01,651
Cell phones, texting,
and blogs, that's who!
135
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,219
I remember the good old days
136
00:05:03,287 --> 00:05:04,587
when Twitter was
just another word
137
00:05:04,655 --> 00:05:06,722
for late-night beaver
down by the creek.
138
00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:09,225
Cheer up, Roger.
The Cotton Candy Shooter came!
139
00:05:09,293 --> 00:05:10,626
What? Why didn't
you tell me?
140
00:05:10,694 --> 00:05:12,528
Give it! Give it!
141
00:05:14,131 --> 00:05:16,132
(mechanical whirring)
142
00:05:16,199 --> 00:05:17,767
What the hell?!
It doesn't work!
143
00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:19,802
This thing is a piece of crap!
144
00:05:19,870 --> 00:05:21,337
Get my tub of chalk.
145
00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:23,139
I'm gonna write some swear words
on the driveway,
146
00:05:23,206 --> 00:05:24,440
blow off some steam.
147
00:05:24,508 --> 00:05:26,842
Wait, you have to make them
accountable
148
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,210
for their shoddy product!
149
00:05:28,278 --> 00:05:30,613
Yeah, they can't rip us off
like that!
150
00:05:30,681 --> 00:05:32,648
We ain't no chumps!
151
00:05:32,716 --> 00:05:35,151
AUTOMATED OPERATOR:
Thank you for calling
CCS Enterprises.
152
00:05:35,218 --> 00:05:38,321
Your estimated wait time
is two... weeks.
153
00:05:38,388 --> 00:05:39,889
What?! Forget it.
154
00:05:39,956 --> 00:05:41,057
Don't hang up!
155
00:05:41,124 --> 00:05:42,591
If you hang up, they win.
156
00:05:42,659 --> 00:05:44,093
I will not be
a loser.
157
00:05:44,161 --> 00:05:46,429
I will stay on this phone
as long as it takes!
158
00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:49,098
Steve, go get the diaper
I sleep in after Indian food.
159
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,769
♪ ♪
160
00:05:53,837 --> 00:05:56,405
She was stuck in the banister
for three days.
161
00:05:56,473 --> 00:05:59,942
And to this day, I always carry
a stick of butter in my purse.
162
00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:01,744
She totally does!
That is so awesome!
163
00:06:01,812 --> 00:06:03,112
Shh! Come on.
164
00:06:03,180 --> 00:06:04,513
Hey, pal,
mind your own business.
165
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,115
My friends are
telling a story.
166
00:06:06,183 --> 00:06:08,050
You hear that?
He said friends!
167
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:11,354
And he called my dumb
ramblings a story!
168
00:06:14,157 --> 00:06:15,257
Do you think
they'll call?
169
00:06:15,325 --> 00:06:17,126
I wonder if they'll call.
170
00:06:17,194 --> 00:06:18,627
Maybe we should
call them.
No!
171
00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:19,962
We don't want
to seem too needy.
172
00:06:20,030 --> 00:06:21,664
(phone rings)
It's them!
173
00:06:21,732 --> 00:06:23,532
They don't play games!
174
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,501
Hey, guys!
175
00:06:25,569 --> 00:06:27,269
They want us to go out
to dinner!
176
00:06:27,337 --> 00:06:28,938
That sounds great.
177
00:06:29,005 --> 00:06:30,706
8:30. It's a little late.
178
00:06:30,774 --> 00:06:31,957
It's fine! Say yes!
Say yes!
179
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,592
We'd love to!
180
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,628
Okay, see you then.
181
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:36,862
We did it!
182
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,781
We have a real live
double date!
183
00:06:38,849 --> 00:06:40,249
(high-pitched scream)
What am I gonna wear?!
184
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,185
Maybe this blue suit
185
00:06:43,253 --> 00:06:45,087
with the white shirt
and the black tie.
186
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,389
Yeah, that's it.
187
00:06:46,456 --> 00:06:47,623
That'll look nice.
188
00:06:47,691 --> 00:06:49,558
I'm telling you,
it's always funny.
189
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:50,793
Oh, he's right.
190
00:06:50,861 --> 00:06:52,228
You can't see a guy
get hit in the groin
191
00:06:52,295 --> 00:06:54,180
and not laugh.
192
00:06:54,264 --> 00:06:56,131
(groans)
193
00:06:57,467 --> 00:06:58,868
I cannot tell you guys
194
00:06:58,935 --> 00:07:00,503
how glad we are
to have found you.
195
00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:02,805
The last couple we met
was so boring.
196
00:07:02,873 --> 00:07:04,607
Well, that's because
they were so old.
197
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,075
I mean, they were
like 40.
198
00:07:06,143 --> 00:07:07,910
40? (chuckles)
199
00:07:07,978 --> 00:07:09,845
What, was-was he from
that village in China
200
00:07:09,913 --> 00:07:10,980
where they live forever?
201
00:07:11,047 --> 00:07:13,015
(both laugh)
40.
202
00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:15,684
I'm about to have my 30th
and I'm freaking.
203
00:07:15,752 --> 00:07:17,887
Ugh, thank God I don't have
to think about that
204
00:07:17,954 --> 00:07:20,222
for another 15 years.
205
00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:21,924
Oh, my curfew!
206
00:07:21,992 --> 00:07:23,092
What time is it?
207
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,294
Can you drop me off
at the roller rink?
208
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:26,762
That's where my dad
thinks I am.
209
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:28,197
Too far. Reel it in.
210
00:07:28,265 --> 00:07:29,598
You know what's really
going to make us
211
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,066
feel grown-up
is having kids.
212
00:07:31,134 --> 00:07:33,002
Jinx, jinx, jinx-- I can't hear you!
I'm telling you.
213
00:07:33,069 --> 00:07:36,105
We use double birth control:
condoms and spermicide.
214
00:07:36,173 --> 00:07:37,773
We don't want kids
for a long time.
215
00:07:37,841 --> 00:07:39,542
It's good to be young
without kids.
216
00:07:39,609 --> 00:07:40,910
We kill kids.
217
00:07:40,977 --> 00:07:42,745
(sotto voice):
Reel it in.
218
00:07:42,813 --> 00:07:44,580
Hey, it's only
midnight!
219
00:07:44,648 --> 00:07:45,981
How about another
bottle, huh?!
220
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,716
We'll hit up
an after-hours club.
221
00:07:47,784 --> 00:07:49,618
What? You're not
tired, are you?
222
00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:51,487
No, no, we're awake!
223
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,372
Yep, wide awake
and ready to party.
224
00:07:53,457 --> 00:07:54,590
Check it out.
Oh!
225
00:07:54,658 --> 00:07:56,492
(laughing)
226
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,662
(groaning):
Well done, sir.
227
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:02,998
Tonight for dessert
we have figs or dates,
228
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,568
both in a sweet
yogurt sauce.
229
00:08:05,635 --> 00:08:07,303
Like most ethnic foods,
230
00:08:07,370 --> 00:08:09,605
our desserts
are disappointing.
231
00:08:12,135 --> 00:08:13,402
(Muzak continues)
232
00:08:13,470 --> 00:08:14,637
Cut a trach-hole.
233
00:08:14,705 --> 00:08:16,772
No one's dying
in Chicago tonight.
234
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:18,474
Ah! (slurring):
Look, Stan.
235
00:08:18,542 --> 00:08:20,076
Kitchen people!
236
00:08:24,214 --> 00:08:25,781
We had the best...
237
00:08:25,849 --> 00:08:27,250
Oh, the bread fell.
238
00:08:27,317 --> 00:08:29,352
We had the best
dinner, you guys.
239
00:08:29,419 --> 00:08:30,720
I love it!
240
00:08:30,787 --> 00:08:32,922
3:00 in the morning
and you guys are hammered.
241
00:08:34,558 --> 00:08:36,492
Your head is
so funny-looking!
242
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:39,528
(laughing, vocalizing)
243
00:08:39,596 --> 00:08:41,897
It's so bulbous!
Okay.
244
00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:45,468
Ow! I need those!
245
00:08:45,535 --> 00:08:46,636
Do I look smart?
246
00:08:46,703 --> 00:08:48,738
Stan, look at me smart!
247
00:08:48,805 --> 00:08:50,840
Oh, my God--
mac and cheese.
248
00:08:50,907 --> 00:08:52,575
We need mac and cheese.
249
00:08:52,643 --> 00:08:53,809
STAN:
Yes!
250
00:08:53,877 --> 00:08:55,044
So much yes!
251
00:09:01,818 --> 00:09:03,252
(birds singing)
252
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,154
What the...?
253
00:09:08,825 --> 00:09:10,493
"St. Ides"?
254
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,061
Were we drinking 40s?
255
00:09:12,112 --> 00:09:14,864
What happened?
256
00:09:14,931 --> 00:09:16,899
You passed out
making mac and cheese.
257
00:09:16,967 --> 00:09:19,702
Why didn't you
turn off the stove?
258
00:09:19,770 --> 00:09:21,203
You guys laughed
at my head.
259
00:09:21,271 --> 00:09:22,638
Now, you ruined a pot.
260
00:09:22,706 --> 00:09:23,739
Happy with yourselves?
261
00:09:23,807 --> 00:09:25,007
Hey, you!
262
00:09:25,075 --> 00:09:26,809
Ready for our
mother/daughter day?
263
00:09:26,877 --> 00:09:28,978
What are you talking about?
Last night.
264
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:30,880
You came into my room
and woke me up.
265
00:09:30,947 --> 00:09:32,882
You said I was the most
precious thing in your life
266
00:09:32,949 --> 00:09:34,383
and you were ready
to be adult friends,
267
00:09:34,451 --> 00:09:35,785
and that I could
call you "Francine."
268
00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:38,020
You said we'd spend the day
having fun together.
269
00:09:38,088 --> 00:09:40,256
Oh, no.
"No" to all of that.
270
00:09:40,324 --> 00:09:41,424
(garbage disposal running)
271
00:09:41,491 --> 00:09:44,226
(vomiting)
272
00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:45,528
(phone ringing)
273
00:09:45,595 --> 00:09:46,729
Hello?
274
00:09:46,797 --> 00:09:47,830
Hey, you guys ready?
275
00:09:47,898 --> 00:09:48,698
STAN (over phone):
Hmm?
276
00:09:48,765 --> 00:09:49,799
For rock climbing.
277
00:09:49,866 --> 00:09:51,200
Remember,
we said last night?
278
00:09:51,268 --> 00:09:52,668
We're outside. Let's go.
279
00:09:52,736 --> 00:09:55,104
They want us
to go rock climbing.
280
00:09:55,172 --> 00:09:57,273
We, uh, we don't have
any equipment or, uh...
281
00:09:57,341 --> 00:09:59,508
Not a problem.
We got you covered.
282
00:09:59,576 --> 00:10:01,177
Hey, if you guys
need a few minutes
283
00:10:01,244 --> 00:10:03,012
we'll come in
and make mimosas.
284
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,547
No! We'll be right out.
285
00:10:05,749 --> 00:10:06,882
Stan, I can't.
286
00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:08,451
I feel like the tattoo
287
00:10:08,518 --> 00:10:10,486
on Aida Turturro's
left boob.
288
00:10:11,855 --> 00:10:13,923
I feel gross.
289
00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:16,392
Tony Soprano's sister.
Oh!
290
00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:18,527
But this is Tom and Cami.
291
00:10:18,595 --> 00:10:20,262
The best couple
we've ever met.
292
00:10:20,330 --> 00:10:22,231
If we lose them,
it's just you, me,
293
00:10:22,299 --> 00:10:24,200
and the banister story.
294
00:10:24,267 --> 00:10:26,702
Okay. Okay.
295
00:10:26,770 --> 00:10:28,637
Let's do this!
296
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:31,407
(burps)
297
00:10:32,576 --> 00:10:33,809
(laughs)
298
00:10:33,877 --> 00:10:35,177
Delightful.
299
00:10:38,148 --> 00:10:39,899
♪ ♪
300
00:10:45,489 --> 00:10:47,456
Francine!
Oh!
301
00:10:47,524 --> 00:10:49,725
TOM: Hey, Stanny-boy!
Frantastic!
302
00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:51,560
Get up here!
The view is amazing!
303
00:10:51,628 --> 00:10:52,828
Did you hear that?
304
00:10:52,896 --> 00:10:54,630
They gave us nicknames!
305
00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:56,866
The only nickname I ever
got was in eighth grade.
306
00:10:56,933 --> 00:10:59,001
They called me Stan Frank
because I was always
307
00:10:59,069 --> 00:11:00,503
hiding and writing
in my diary.
308
00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:02,271
I need this new
nickname, Francine.
309
00:11:02,339 --> 00:11:03,406
Now, get your
buns moving!
310
00:11:08,311 --> 00:11:11,280
Stan and I are so glad
we met you guys.
311
00:11:11,348 --> 00:11:13,516
How good does
a beer sound?
312
00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:15,151
Let's see if this place
has yards.
313
00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:18,387
Mom!
314
00:11:18,455 --> 00:11:19,688
I've been looking
for you guys.
315
00:11:19,756 --> 00:11:21,157
There's no food in the house,
316
00:11:21,224 --> 00:11:23,926
and Roger and I are stuck
on hold. We're starving.
317
00:11:23,994 --> 00:11:26,162
Just grab 20 bucks
from my purse
318
00:11:26,229 --> 00:11:27,563
and get the hell
out of here.
319
00:11:27,631 --> 00:11:29,698
They got 37 microbrews
in this pub.
320
00:11:29,766 --> 00:11:31,133
Gypsy!
321
00:11:31,201 --> 00:11:33,702
Ah! Mommy!
Downtown Langley
322
00:11:33,770 --> 00:11:35,538
has a real gypsy
problem lately.
323
00:11:35,605 --> 00:11:37,006
They call you "mommy" to try
(grunts)
324
00:11:37,073 --> 00:11:38,707
to tug on your
heartstrings.
325
00:11:38,775 --> 00:11:40,176
Why, Mommy?
326
00:11:40,243 --> 00:11:42,044
I'm a piece of you.
327
00:11:45,766 --> 00:11:47,583
Hey, guys.
So glad you suggested
328
00:11:47,651 --> 00:11:49,351
a nice, easy jog.
329
00:11:49,419 --> 00:11:50,619
Is there a track up here
or something?
330
00:11:50,687 --> 00:11:51,754
What, you've never
been free running?
331
00:11:51,822 --> 00:11:53,022
Oh, you're going
to love it. Let's go!
332
00:11:57,260 --> 00:11:59,128
Okay, there is
no way in hell...
333
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:01,030
(yells)
334
00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:05,434
♪ ♪
335
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,374
(grunting)
336
00:12:12,442 --> 00:12:14,276
(panting)
337
00:12:31,728 --> 00:12:33,462
(grunts)
338
00:12:33,513 --> 00:12:35,397
(grunts)
339
00:12:37,851 --> 00:12:39,602
(groans)
340
00:12:46,076 --> 00:12:47,977
(grunts)
341
00:12:55,018 --> 00:12:56,519
(groaning)
342
00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:57,720
Francine!
343
00:12:57,787 --> 00:12:59,922
Stan, don't move!
I'm coming!
344
00:13:04,628 --> 00:13:05,961
(Stan grunts)
345
00:13:06,012 --> 00:13:08,898
(screaming)
346
00:13:11,601 --> 00:13:13,702
My sunscreen!
347
00:13:13,770 --> 00:13:15,538
(Tom, Cami and Fran panting)
348
00:13:15,605 --> 00:13:17,740
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, sweet free run.
349
00:13:17,807 --> 00:13:20,943
Whew, good,
uh, good free run.
350
00:13:21,011 --> 00:13:22,611
Dude, is that
your shin bone?
351
00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:26,148
Yep. Compound fracture feels
good after a workout, huh?
352
00:13:26,216 --> 00:13:27,917
Nice to air out
the bones a little.
353
00:13:27,984 --> 00:13:30,853
(grunting)
354
00:13:30,921 --> 00:13:32,254
I'm going to chill here,
355
00:13:32,322 --> 00:13:33,756
catch my breath,
go into shock.
356
00:13:33,823 --> 00:13:35,791
I'll meet up with you
at the tiki bar.
357
00:13:38,995 --> 00:13:40,729
WOMAN:
Get it, boy!
358
00:13:42,065 --> 00:13:43,399
(screaming)
359
00:13:43,466 --> 00:13:44,967
That's not your
bone, silly.
360
00:13:45,035 --> 00:13:46,936
Who's a silly boy?
361
00:13:47,003 --> 00:13:48,103
It's okay.
He's friendly.
362
00:13:48,171 --> 00:13:49,338
(screaming)
363
00:13:51,541 --> 00:13:54,043
(Muzak continues)
364
00:13:54,110 --> 00:13:56,245
AUTOMATED OPERATOR: Thank you
for calling CCS Enterprises.
365
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:58,347
If you know the department
you'd like to reach,
366
00:13:58,415 --> 00:14:00,082
please say it now.
Billing!
367
00:14:00,150 --> 00:14:02,885
Did you say
Beverly Billingsley?
368
00:14:02,953 --> 00:14:04,887
No! Billing! Billing!
369
00:14:04,955 --> 00:14:08,023
Transferring
to Beverly Billingsley.
370
00:14:08,091 --> 00:14:09,058
BEVERLY BILLINGSLEY:
Hello?
371
00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:10,492
Go screw yourself?!
372
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:13,862
Why does everyone keep calling
and saying that?
373
00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:17,299
Well, I'm not one
to disappoint my fans.
374
00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:19,368
Guess this'll do.
375
00:14:19,436 --> 00:14:20,736
STEVE (on phone):
Hello?
376
00:14:20,804 --> 00:14:23,505
Can you transfer me
to customer service?
377
00:14:26,242 --> 00:14:28,243
We've got to pull
ourselves together.
378
00:14:28,311 --> 00:14:29,712
We're meeting them
in 20 minutes.
379
00:14:29,779 --> 00:14:31,380
Okay, okay.
We can do this.
380
00:14:31,448 --> 00:14:33,382
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
381
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:35,301
(both groaning)
382
00:14:42,325 --> 00:14:44,627
I am so glad you guys
could join us for brunch.
383
00:14:44,694 --> 00:14:45,828
We wouldn't miss it.
384
00:14:45,895 --> 00:14:48,731
Yay, more alcohol!
385
00:14:51,334 --> 00:14:52,901
So, Tommy and I
have a great idea
386
00:14:52,969 --> 00:14:54,470
for a trip the four
of us can take.
387
00:14:54,537 --> 00:14:56,872
There's this vertical glacier
in Alaska that you can ski.
388
00:14:58,475 --> 00:15:00,042
Oh, it's a fantastic
challenge.
389
00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:02,044
You know, about 30%
of people who try it die,
390
00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:03,112
but they're all old.
391
00:15:04,514 --> 00:15:06,782
That sounds great.
392
00:15:06,850 --> 00:15:09,151
Terrific! Race you
to the omelet bar!
393
00:15:09,219 --> 00:15:10,953
We can't go.
394
00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:13,656
No way. This has gone too far.
395
00:15:13,723 --> 00:15:15,624
I miss being over 40.
396
00:15:15,692 --> 00:15:18,027
But if we don't keep up
with Tom and Cami,
397
00:15:18,094 --> 00:15:20,162
we'll lose them.
398
00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:22,031
Maybe we can't
keep up with them,
399
00:15:22,098 --> 00:15:25,401
but we can slow them down.
400
00:15:26,770 --> 00:15:28,737
We sabotage their birth control
401
00:15:28,805 --> 00:15:32,241
and give Tom and Cami the gift
of lifelong responsibility.
402
00:15:34,477 --> 00:15:36,679
We have 45 minutes
until they get back
403
00:15:36,746 --> 00:15:38,147
from their midnight triathlon.
404
00:15:38,214 --> 00:15:39,348
Barf to that hobby.
405
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:40,449
Got the condoms.
406
00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:42,351
Found the spermicide.
407
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:47,156
Hey, I get the part
where if Tom and Cami have a kid
408
00:15:47,223 --> 00:15:48,590
they'll have
to slow down like us,
409
00:15:48,658 --> 00:15:50,459
but how do we know
they'll keep the baby?
410
00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:52,628
Oh, they're not
going to abort it.
411
00:15:52,696 --> 00:15:54,897
'Cause they're awesome.
412
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,605
Tom-Tom! Cameo!
Have some wine.
413
00:16:03,673 --> 00:16:07,009
Actually, we
have some news.
414
00:16:07,076 --> 00:16:09,277
Oh, congratulations!
415
00:16:09,345 --> 00:16:11,346
We haven't even
told you our news.
416
00:16:11,414 --> 00:16:14,216
Oh, but having
news is great.
417
00:16:14,283 --> 00:16:15,584
I love news.
418
00:16:15,651 --> 00:16:18,053
I'm like the Cookie
Monster with news.
419
00:16:18,121 --> 00:16:20,555
News! Num-num,
num-num, num-num-num!
Francine.
420
00:16:20,623 --> 00:16:22,324
(sighs)
Well, it's early,
421
00:16:22,392 --> 00:16:24,860
but... we're pregnant.
422
00:16:24,927 --> 00:16:27,796
Guess that means we can't
go on that ski trip.
423
00:16:27,864 --> 00:16:30,332
You're really going
to have to slow down now, huh?
424
00:16:31,834 --> 00:16:33,268
I don't know
how this happened.
425
00:16:33,336 --> 00:16:35,170
You must have put
the condom on wrong.
426
00:16:35,238 --> 00:16:36,571
Well, even if I did,
427
00:16:36,639 --> 00:16:38,507
you clearly did not
use your spermicide.
428
00:16:38,574 --> 00:16:40,409
I did! I just...
429
00:16:40,476 --> 00:16:43,545
Maybe it turned bad.
There were so many ants.
430
00:16:45,314 --> 00:16:46,915
It's been like this
since we found out.
431
00:16:46,983 --> 00:16:49,351
We just aren't ready for a baby.
432
00:16:50,853 --> 00:16:52,687
(arguing)
433
00:17:06,836 --> 00:17:09,204
They're going to be fine.
434
00:17:09,272 --> 00:17:10,338
Guys, I'm sorry.
435
00:17:10,406 --> 00:17:11,790
Cami and I are through.
436
00:17:11,874 --> 00:17:13,175
(gasps)
No!
437
00:17:13,242 --> 00:17:15,977
Oh, come on. You guys
have to stay together.
438
00:17:16,045 --> 00:17:17,745
Yeah, the four of us
have so much fun.
439
00:17:17,797 --> 00:17:18,947
Hey, 'member this?
440
00:17:19,015 --> 00:17:21,016
(groans)
(laughs)
441
00:17:21,084 --> 00:17:23,685
Yeah, I guess the one time
it's not funny
442
00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:25,954
is when the life you've built
with the woman you love
443
00:17:26,022 --> 00:17:28,490
(sobbing):
comes crashing down around you.
444
00:17:31,027 --> 00:17:33,595
We have to fix this.
445
00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:40,102
Good, I see we're
on the same page here
446
00:17:40,169 --> 00:17:41,803
about what we have to do.
Clean up the house,
447
00:17:41,871 --> 00:17:43,338
hang up all our coats,
448
00:17:43,406 --> 00:17:46,308
and figure out how to get
Tom and Cami back together.
449
00:17:46,375 --> 00:17:48,009
Guess what?! I won tickets
450
00:17:48,077 --> 00:17:50,846
to the new Cirque du Soleil
show, Cirque du Hey, Hey, Hey.
451
00:17:50,913 --> 00:17:52,614
Oh, based
on Fat Albert?
452
00:17:52,682 --> 00:17:54,316
Oh, no, I said it wrong.
453
00:17:54,383 --> 00:17:56,017
It's Cirque du Hey, Hey, Hey.
454
00:17:56,085 --> 00:17:57,352
It's based
on What's Happening.
455
00:17:57,420 --> 00:17:59,187
We'll take those.
Hey!
456
00:18:00,690 --> 00:18:02,791
Turkeys.
457
00:18:02,859 --> 00:18:04,793
This is perfect.
458
00:18:04,861 --> 00:18:07,429
You give a ticket to Cami
and I'll give one to Tom.
459
00:18:07,497 --> 00:18:09,064
Then, when they
show up at the show,
460
00:18:09,132 --> 00:18:10,765
they'll remember how good
we all were together
461
00:18:10,833 --> 00:18:12,033
and fall back in love.
462
00:18:12,101 --> 00:18:14,136
Oh, Richard Lewis
is opening!
463
00:18:14,203 --> 00:18:16,071
That means we don't
have to go early.
464
00:18:18,908 --> 00:18:20,542
We're going to get
our best friends back.
465
00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:23,178
Okay, but eventually
Mom and I need to discuss
466
00:18:23,246 --> 00:18:26,815
the vicious purse beating
she gave me last time I saw her!
467
00:18:26,883 --> 00:18:28,817
I got a person! Hello!
468
00:18:28,885 --> 00:18:32,020
Yes, I was very displeased
with the Cotton Candy Shooter.
469
00:18:32,088 --> 00:18:34,055
I want a full refund!
470
00:18:34,123 --> 00:18:35,924
Thank... thank you.
471
00:18:35,992 --> 00:18:38,793
We send it back
and they refund our credit card
472
00:18:38,861 --> 00:18:40,662
the entire amount.
We did it!
473
00:18:40,730 --> 00:18:43,431
(Roger and Steve cheering)
474
00:18:43,499 --> 00:18:48,370
Yes. You got $14.99 refunded
475
00:18:48,437 --> 00:18:51,406
back to Greg and Terry's
credit card.
476
00:18:51,474 --> 00:18:54,142
(gasps)
I forgot we used their card.
477
00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:56,545
Who cares about
Greg and Terry's money?!
478
00:18:56,612 --> 00:18:58,513
You knew all along!
479
00:18:58,581 --> 00:19:00,882
Why did you goad us on
every step of the way?
480
00:19:00,950 --> 00:19:03,485
Remember that crack
you made about me
481
00:19:03,553 --> 00:19:06,321
not being able to enjoy
"portable" things?
482
00:19:06,389 --> 00:19:09,291
Well, I can enjoy
making you two suffer.
483
00:19:09,358 --> 00:19:12,627
You'll never get back those days
you spent on hold, you ass-wads!
484
00:19:12,695 --> 00:19:14,529
(laughing maniacally)
485
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,335
Are we stupid, Steve?
No, honestly, are we?
486
00:19:20,403 --> 00:19:22,137
I mean, I have a master's
in city planning
487
00:19:22,205 --> 00:19:23,605
from Howard University.
488
00:19:23,673 --> 00:19:25,740
I could tell you where your
convention center should go,
489
00:19:25,808 --> 00:19:28,944
but I can't tell you when a fish
is giving me the business.
490
00:19:33,115 --> 00:19:34,883
♪ ♪
491
00:19:42,825 --> 00:19:44,326
Oh, are you kidding me?
492
00:19:44,393 --> 00:19:46,194
You really thought
this old trick would work?
493
00:19:46,262 --> 00:19:48,296
Wait! Just hear us out.
494
00:19:48,364 --> 00:19:51,900
You two are pretty much
the best couple we've ever met.
495
00:19:51,968 --> 00:19:53,435
You're perfect
for each other.
496
00:19:53,502 --> 00:19:54,970
You have to stay together.
497
00:19:55,037 --> 00:19:57,005
It's too late.
498
00:19:57,073 --> 00:19:59,341
A baby doesn't
ruin your life!
499
00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:00,675
It makes it great.
500
00:20:00,743 --> 00:20:01,910
How would
you know?
501
00:20:01,978 --> 00:20:03,712
Because we have
two of them.
502
00:20:03,779 --> 00:20:05,747
What?
Remember that gypsy
503
00:20:05,815 --> 00:20:08,850
I punched on the street?
That was my son.
504
00:20:08,918 --> 00:20:11,686
You lied. Yes, but we're
not lying about this.
505
00:20:11,754 --> 00:20:13,355
Having kids is great,
506
00:20:13,422 --> 00:20:15,423
even if it means
having to slow down.
507
00:20:15,491 --> 00:20:18,093
Trust us. As soon
as you have that baby,
508
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,362
you're going to be so glad
we broke into your house
509
00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:22,397
and sabotaged
your birth control.
510
00:20:22,465 --> 00:20:25,483
You what?
You two are monsters.
511
00:20:25,568 --> 00:20:26,935
You were right.
512
00:20:27,003 --> 00:20:28,870
You said there was
something off about them.
513
00:20:28,938 --> 00:20:30,338
Yeah, and you said
there was no way
514
00:20:30,406 --> 00:20:31,906
she was a day under 40.
515
00:20:31,974 --> 00:20:33,742
You bitch.
Honey, she's right.
516
00:20:33,809 --> 00:20:35,910
Oh, Cami, I'll never
doubt you again.
517
00:20:35,978 --> 00:20:37,479
I missed you.
518
00:20:37,546 --> 00:20:39,781
Come on.
Let's get out of here
519
00:20:39,849 --> 00:20:41,983
before one of these geezers
has a heart attack.
520
00:20:42,051 --> 00:20:44,519
Why would I tweezer
my fart crack?
521
00:20:44,587 --> 00:20:45,954
Stupid kids.
522
00:20:46,022 --> 00:20:48,223
You know, Stan,
maybe it's best
523
00:20:48,291 --> 00:20:49,658
if we don't
have friends.
524
00:20:49,725 --> 00:20:51,626
What do you say
you and me go home
525
00:20:51,694 --> 00:20:53,328
and tell each other
boring stories
526
00:20:53,396 --> 00:20:54,596
for the rest of our lives?
527
00:20:54,664 --> 00:20:56,498
That sounds perfect.
528
00:20:58,768 --> 00:21:01,686
You guys have been talking
through the whole damn show.
529
00:21:01,771 --> 00:21:03,121
Watch this.
I'm so sorry.
530
00:21:03,189 --> 00:21:04,506
Nut punch!
Block!
531
00:21:04,573 --> 00:21:06,941
Counter-nut punch!
(laughter)
532
00:21:06,993 --> 00:21:09,327
Always funny.
533
00:21:10,263 --> 00:21:13,763
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==