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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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Aah!
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♪ American Dad 6x08 ♪
For Whom the Sleigh Bells Toll
Original Air Date on December 12, 2010
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00:00:30,270 --> 00:00:33,370
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
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♪ ♪
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00:00:36,410 --> 00:00:37,978
Three days
till Christmas!
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Mr. S., I have to mail
my letter to Santa.
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I'm asking for an
authentic polar bear helmet
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from the movie
Golden Compass.
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00:00:46,316 --> 00:00:48,050
You're a golden dumb-ass!
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00:00:48,117 --> 00:00:49,785
Dad, be nice
to Jeff.
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00:00:49,853 --> 00:00:51,553
He's just excited
about Christmas.
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00:00:51,621 --> 00:00:54,323
He's a grown man and he still
believes in Santa Claus.
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00:00:54,390 --> 00:00:55,724
Isn't it amazing?
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00:00:55,792 --> 00:00:58,360
To maintain that
childlike sense of wonder?
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No, Hayley.
And I'm not getting that moron
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00:01:00,430 --> 00:01:01,630
a damn thing for Christmas.
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00:01:01,698 --> 00:01:02,865
Just because you married him
24
00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:04,433
doesn't make him
a part of my family.
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00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:07,402
Actually, it does, Dad, and
you need to accept that.
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00:01:07,470 --> 00:01:09,338
Hayley, the only thing
I have to accept is that
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00:01:09,405 --> 00:01:11,139
socially I can't wear mascara
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even though it makes my eyes
pop like firecrackers.
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00:01:16,346 --> 00:01:19,481
Look, I've got wooden clogs
to put around the tree.
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00:01:19,549 --> 00:01:21,483
I'm starting a new
Christmas tradition.
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00:01:21,551 --> 00:01:22,951
What was wrong with
our old traditions?
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00:01:23,019 --> 00:01:24,853
Like letting homeless people
smell our napkins
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00:01:24,921 --> 00:01:26,488
after Christmas dinner?
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00:01:26,556 --> 00:01:29,491
On The View, they said
we could try the Dutch custom
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00:01:29,559 --> 00:01:31,760
of putting presents
in wooden clogs.
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Barbara Walters said it,
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and she had an affair with
a married black senator.
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So, you know, she doesn't drive
in the slow lane.
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00:01:39,869 --> 00:01:41,136
Well, I'm not gonna be able
40
00:01:41,204 --> 00:01:43,071
to fit my present
for Steve in a shoe.
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00:01:43,139 --> 00:01:45,173
I'm getting him his first gun
this Christmas.
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00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:47,009
It's the perfect way
for us to bond.
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A gun?
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00:01:48,311 --> 00:01:50,279
Can't you bond over
something else?
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00:01:50,346 --> 00:01:51,513
I've tried everything else--
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00:01:51,581 --> 00:01:53,148
darts, a Ping-Pong table,
that puppy.
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00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:55,550
The puppy!
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00:01:55,618 --> 00:01:57,619
Eh, it's probably too late.
49
00:01:57,687 --> 00:02:01,123
Well, I'm sorry, but guns
are too dangerous for Steve.
50
00:02:01,190 --> 00:02:03,625
Promise you won't get
him one for Christmas.
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00:02:03,693 --> 00:02:06,929
I promise I won't get Steve
a gun for Christmas.
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00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:09,131
Merry Wednesday, son!
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00:02:09,198 --> 00:02:10,666
A machine gun?
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00:02:10,733 --> 00:02:13,001
Mm, seems a bit dangerous
for me.
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00:02:13,069 --> 00:02:14,803
But I guess if coked-out
child soldiers
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00:02:14,871 --> 00:02:16,171
in the Congo can do it...
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00:02:16,239 --> 00:02:17,606
That's the spirit.
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00:02:17,674 --> 00:02:19,675
Hey, Mr. S., I'll go
shooting with you guys, too.
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00:02:20,743 --> 00:02:22,778
Jeff, I am trying to have
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00:02:22,845 --> 00:02:24,780
a bonding experience
with my son.
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You are not my son.
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You are no part of this family.
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00:02:27,917 --> 00:02:30,452
And when I open my eyes,
you better be gone, okay?
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00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,454
I don't want to see
a trace of you.
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00:02:35,758 --> 00:02:36,925
Terrible.
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00:02:39,595 --> 00:02:40,712
Pardon me, sir.
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00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:42,831
I'm what you might call
an advanced drinker,
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00:02:42,899 --> 00:02:46,034
and I've been having a Dickens
of a time concocting an eggnog
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00:02:46,102 --> 00:02:50,906
that provides the certain...
heady tingle that I require.
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00:02:50,974 --> 00:02:53,541
Well, normally, people put
bourbon in their eggnog.
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00:02:53,593 --> 00:02:56,011
I'm telling you,
I can't get drunk!
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00:02:56,062 --> 00:02:57,429
My apologies, sir.
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00:02:57,497 --> 00:02:59,748
I had to be sure
you were serious.
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00:03:03,152 --> 00:03:05,220
There is
legend of a...
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00:03:09,826 --> 00:03:12,160
There is legend of a
moonshiner who lives atop
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the tallest peak
of the Chimdale Mountains.
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They say he's blind,
standing nine feet tall,
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00:03:19,502 --> 00:03:20,869
with four arms and...
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00:03:20,937 --> 00:03:22,838
Excuse me, do you have
seasonal beers?
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00:03:22,905 --> 00:03:26,141
You're killing his story!
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00:03:26,209 --> 00:03:28,276
I can't
do anything right.
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00:03:28,344 --> 00:03:31,797
Atop that mountain, a
four-armed nine-foot blind man,
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00:03:31,881 --> 00:03:33,799
who also has the tongue
of a dragon,
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makes the strongest whiskey
on Earth.
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They say that if you're crazy,
it makes you sane.
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00:03:39,588 --> 00:03:40,972
And if you're sane,
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you'll never believe
a word of this story.
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I believe everything.
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00:03:48,414 --> 00:03:49,898
Then take this map.
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00:03:49,966 --> 00:03:51,616
It is my gift to you.
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00:03:51,684 --> 00:03:53,101
But just know that...
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00:03:53,169 --> 00:03:55,670
I'm all set with the beer,
but I've got a random question.
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Do you sell watch batteries?
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00:04:03,679 --> 00:04:04,846
Get out.
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00:04:06,449 --> 00:04:09,718
Steve, shooting a gun is like
being intimate with a woman.
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00:04:09,786 --> 00:04:12,120
First, you inspect it
to make sure it's clean.
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00:04:12,171 --> 00:04:14,623
Then you grab it on the butt
and jam the magazine in.
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00:04:14,690 --> 00:04:17,559
If it doesn't fit, make it.
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00:04:22,265 --> 00:04:24,850
Almost shot my eye out!
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00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:26,868
Whoa, looks like
your mom was right.
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00:04:26,936 --> 00:04:28,136
This isn't safe.
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Safety goggles.
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00:04:33,176 --> 00:04:34,342
Ooh, new target!
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00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:35,310
Snowman! Get him!
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00:04:47,757 --> 00:04:49,157
Oh, my God!
106
00:04:49,225 --> 00:04:50,559
A mall Santa!
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00:04:50,626 --> 00:04:52,194
I-I didn't see him.
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00:04:52,261 --> 00:04:53,395
Is he...?
Dead?
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00:04:53,463 --> 00:04:54,830
Were you gonna ask
if he's dead?
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I was gonna ask
if he's okay.
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Oh, no. No, no, no.
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00:04:57,733 --> 00:04:59,167
No, no. No.
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He-He is, he is dead.
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00:05:00,670 --> 00:05:01,970
He is not okay.
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00:05:02,038 --> 00:05:04,739
He will never be okay,
because he is-- say it with me--
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00:05:04,807 --> 00:05:06,541
dead.
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00:05:06,609 --> 00:05:07,943
You didn't say it with me.
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00:05:09,199 --> 00:05:10,766
Why did you have
to give me a gun?
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00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,601
I'll never pull another
trigger as long as I live!
120
00:05:13,539 --> 00:05:15,351
Relax, Steve.
Part of gun ownership
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00:05:15,390 --> 00:05:16,757
is killing people by mistake.
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00:05:16,824 --> 00:05:18,091
What the hell
do we do now?
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00:05:18,159 --> 00:05:19,710
Well, we're gonna
keep things pretty simple.
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00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:22,112
Check the guy's fingerprints
on my CIA computer,
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00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:24,214
send an anonymous note
to his next of kin,
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00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,049
and make sure your mother
doesn't find out.
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00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:28,151
If she knew I gave you a gun,
she'd kill me.
128
00:05:28,219 --> 00:05:30,020
Or maybe she'd get you
to do it, huh, killer?
129
00:05:30,088 --> 00:05:31,288
No.
130
00:05:31,356 --> 00:05:34,691
No, I'm kidding,
but you-you have killed someone.
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00:05:39,998 --> 00:05:41,631
Got to be
around here somewhere.
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00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,904
Excuse me.
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00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:51,241
Well, if it ain't
an alien in a wig.
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00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,043
What you say is true, sir.
135
00:05:53,111 --> 00:05:55,746
And I seek a blind moonshiner
with four arms
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00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:58,181
who makes the strongest whiskey
known to man.
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00:05:58,249 --> 00:05:59,983
You found him, alien.
138
00:06:00,051 --> 00:06:01,885
But you only
have two arms.
139
00:06:01,953 --> 00:06:03,920
And it appears you can
see me quite well.
140
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,288
Take a drop of this here.
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00:06:05,356 --> 00:06:06,656
I call it shineapple.
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00:06:06,724 --> 00:06:07,624
Just a touch!
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00:06:10,228 --> 00:06:13,864
Do you believe me now?
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00:06:13,931 --> 00:06:15,532
Oh, my God.
145
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:16,767
It is you.
146
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:18,168
The name's Bob Todd.
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00:06:18,236 --> 00:06:20,037
Bob Todd Williams.
148
00:06:20,104 --> 00:06:22,105
Robert Todford Williams.
149
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,607
Bobby Todd, if you like.
150
00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:25,675
Todd Willy's fine, too.
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00:06:25,743 --> 00:06:28,111
Robert Todd and Bob Todford's
all the same.
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00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:31,281
If you holler "Mr. Williams,"
I won't know what to do with it!
153
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,850
I do however go by T-Dub
at the racetrack.
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00:06:33,918 --> 00:06:36,586
And all the ladies,
well, they call me Bert-Bert.
155
00:06:36,654 --> 00:06:38,722
Bob Todd, my name is Roger.
156
00:06:38,790 --> 00:06:41,491
And it would be an honor if
I could purchase your whiskey.
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00:06:41,559 --> 00:06:42,859
Purchase?
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00:06:42,927 --> 00:06:44,494
I got no use
for your green money.
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00:06:44,562 --> 00:06:46,496
What the hell am I
supposed to do with it?
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00:06:46,564 --> 00:06:47,597
Go shopping in a store?
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00:06:47,665 --> 00:06:48,899
Buy a record?
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00:06:48,966 --> 00:06:51,068
Guess I'll have to go
a different route.
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00:06:51,135 --> 00:06:52,803
Ain't no need
to prostrate yourself.
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00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,539
You want some of this whiskey,
I'll teach you how to make it.
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00:06:55,606 --> 00:06:57,207
Oh, my God,
thank you!
166
00:06:57,275 --> 00:06:59,976
Oh, boy, you had me in the
palm of your hand there.
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00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:01,311
'Bout a second later,
168
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,146
that would've been
the other way around.
169
00:07:06,284 --> 00:07:08,168
Okay, let's hide
this guy in the backyard
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00:07:08,236 --> 00:07:09,603
while I run his prints.
171
00:07:09,687 --> 00:07:10,754
Damn it!
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00:07:10,822 --> 00:07:12,856
Just be casual,
follow my lead.
173
00:07:12,924 --> 00:07:15,325
Hey, Francine,
you look amazing!
174
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:16,660
You look amazing,
Francine.
175
00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,361
You're so
attractive.
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00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:26,603
Strange.
177
00:07:26,671 --> 00:07:29,606
Our mall Santa's prints
aren't in the CIA's files.
178
00:07:29,674 --> 00:07:30,807
Uh-oh.
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00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,480
Okay, here's what happened.
180
00:07:36,547 --> 00:07:37,814
I killed him!
181
00:07:37,882 --> 00:07:39,883
You were right, Mom,
I'm too young for a gun!
182
00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:41,551
A boy shot
a man today!
183
00:07:41,619 --> 00:07:43,787
A boy shot a man!
184
00:07:43,855 --> 00:07:45,455
Steve killed somebody?
185
00:07:45,523 --> 00:07:46,923
Have you called the police?
186
00:07:46,991 --> 00:07:48,458
No need to.
Me and Steve can handle it.
187
00:07:48,526 --> 00:07:50,093
Stan, you've done enough.
188
00:07:50,161 --> 00:07:52,229
I will not have
this Christmas ruined.
189
00:07:52,296 --> 00:07:54,998
Now, we're just gonna bury
that body deep in the woods
190
00:07:55,066 --> 00:07:57,434
and never talk about it again.
191
00:07:59,470 --> 00:08:01,738
We don't speak of this
to anyone.
192
00:08:04,509 --> 00:08:06,743
I can't believe we're burying
this guy in the woods.
193
00:08:06,794 --> 00:08:09,279
I can't believe you guys didn't
let me smash his teeth out
194
00:08:09,330 --> 00:08:11,781
and cut off his hands.
195
00:08:11,849 --> 00:08:14,684
What? You want to get away
with this or not?
196
00:08:16,220 --> 00:08:18,188
Okay, I'm gonna teach you
how to make
197
00:08:18,256 --> 00:08:20,624
this here whiskey
the way my pappy taught me.
198
00:08:20,691 --> 00:08:23,126
Just know that my methods
are unusual.
199
00:08:23,194 --> 00:08:26,263
I'm the opposite of them Jews
with the curlicue sideburns.
200
00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:28,532
What-What do they call
them-them sideburn Jews?
201
00:08:28,599 --> 00:08:29,482
Orthodox?
202
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,052
Right. I am unorthodox.
203
00:08:32,119 --> 00:08:34,204
Now take you a full swig
and we'll get started.
204
00:08:56,260 --> 00:08:57,460
You did it!
205
00:08:57,528 --> 00:08:59,563
You kissed the raccoon.
206
00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:02,332
You're a real moonshiner now,
you son of a bitch.
207
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,802
Go forth and brew my ancient
elixir with these sacred jugs.
208
00:09:05,853 --> 00:09:08,104
I look forward to the
day we meet again,
209
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:09,506
you wise old cracker.
210
00:09:09,574 --> 00:09:11,308
You are always
welcome here, budro.
211
00:09:11,375 --> 00:09:12,375
You are my kin.
212
00:09:12,443 --> 00:09:14,110
And I will let you
drive my Camaro
213
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:17,180
when I fix
the got-dang drive shaft.
214
00:09:20,918 --> 00:09:22,986
What the hell?
215
00:09:45,343 --> 00:09:46,743
Please tell me I'm not
216
00:09:46,811 --> 00:09:48,511
the only one who
got a crazy letter.
217
00:09:48,579 --> 00:09:49,896
I got one, too.
218
00:09:49,981 --> 00:09:52,515
Did someone blab about
what happened in the woods?
219
00:09:52,583 --> 00:09:53,650
No!
Uh-uh!
220
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:55,752
Breaking news.
221
00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:57,020
It's the day before Christmas,
222
00:09:57,088 --> 00:09:58,321
and many people are saying
223
00:09:58,389 --> 00:09:59,689
it doesn't feel like
Christmas at all.
224
00:09:59,757 --> 00:10:01,057
Let's go to Terry Bates.
225
00:10:01,125 --> 00:10:03,193
Sir, if I asked what month
it felt like to you,
226
00:10:03,261 --> 00:10:04,294
what would you say?
227
00:10:04,362 --> 00:10:06,730
If I had to guess,
I'd say mid-October.
228
00:10:06,797 --> 00:10:08,131
And what is your profession?
229
00:10:08,199 --> 00:10:09,332
I make calendars.
230
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,700
With cats on them.
231
00:10:10,768 --> 00:10:11,935
For lesbians.
232
00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:13,870
Ooh, lesbians are
so hard to buy for.
233
00:10:13,938 --> 00:10:15,272
Well, there you have it, Greg.
234
00:10:15,339 --> 00:10:17,874
There's no feeling of
holiday spirit out here at all.
235
00:10:17,942 --> 00:10:20,710
It's almost as if someone
has killed Santa Claus.
236
00:10:20,778 --> 00:10:21,878
Oh, my God!
237
00:10:21,946 --> 00:10:22,912
Did I?!
238
00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:24,214
Of course not.
239
00:10:24,282 --> 00:10:26,216
There's no such thing
as Santa Claus, Steve.
240
00:10:29,353 --> 00:10:30,520
Oh, my God.
241
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,855
The body's gone!
242
00:10:35,126 --> 00:10:39,863
"The Smiths have been naughty,
and that makes Santa not nice."
243
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,097
Oh, no.
244
00:10:41,165 --> 00:10:42,098
It's true!
245
00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:43,466
I killed Santa!
246
00:10:45,303 --> 00:10:47,771
Santa's not dead, you fools!
247
00:10:47,838 --> 00:10:50,240
He's in the North Pole,
recovering.
248
00:10:50,308 --> 00:10:52,776
But he'll be back
to kill you all
249
00:10:52,843 --> 00:10:56,379
before the sun rises
on Christmas Day.
250
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,281
Fly, Mimsy!
251
00:11:08,993 --> 00:11:10,760
♪ ♪
252
00:11:24,513 --> 00:11:25,780
What do we do?
253
00:11:25,848 --> 00:11:27,982
If that elf is right,
Santa's going to kill us
254
00:11:28,050 --> 00:11:29,951
in less than 12 hours.
255
00:11:30,019 --> 00:11:32,187
Okay, look.
Maybe that wasn't a real elf.
256
00:11:32,254 --> 00:11:34,355
Maybe it's just some midge
playing a trick.
257
00:11:34,423 --> 00:11:36,424
We all know how mischievous
little people are.
258
00:11:36,492 --> 00:11:37,992
Most of them don't have jobs,
259
00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:40,028
which gives them plenty of time
to think of schemes.
260
00:11:40,095 --> 00:11:41,896
I don't think that
was a little person, Stan.
261
00:11:41,964 --> 00:11:43,264
Look at this!
262
00:11:45,801 --> 00:11:47,135
Oh, my God.
263
00:11:47,203 --> 00:11:49,070
I can't believe
I shot the real Santa.
264
00:11:49,138 --> 00:11:51,072
I can't believe there
is a real Santa.
265
00:11:51,140 --> 00:11:53,842
So that year I got
a vibrator from Santa,
266
00:11:53,909 --> 00:11:55,543
that was really
from Santa?
267
00:11:55,611 --> 00:11:56,811
Dad, we have
to get Jeff.
268
00:11:56,879 --> 00:11:57,912
He's at the house.
269
00:11:57,980 --> 00:11:59,280
He could be
in danger.
270
00:11:59,348 --> 00:12:01,049
That's the first place
Santa will look for us.
271
00:12:01,116 --> 00:12:02,317
Forget about Jeff.
272
00:12:02,384 --> 00:12:03,685
It's just the four
of us now.
273
00:12:03,752 --> 00:12:05,553
Make that five, numb nuts.
274
00:12:05,621 --> 00:12:06,988
Roger?
275
00:12:07,056 --> 00:12:08,990
Santer's after you, huh?
276
00:12:09,058 --> 00:12:10,725
Y'all best
follow me, then.
277
00:12:10,793 --> 00:12:13,361
I got a spot where
no one gonna find you.
278
00:12:13,429 --> 00:12:16,331
Won't hear when I make you
squeal like a pig, neither.
279
00:12:16,398 --> 00:12:18,166
What? Nothing.
Deliverance joke.
280
00:12:18,234 --> 00:12:19,601
Poor Ned Beatty.
281
00:12:19,668 --> 00:12:22,303
He can... he can play
Rudy's dad all he wants,
282
00:12:22,371 --> 00:12:24,405
but when we look at him,
all we see
283
00:12:24,473 --> 00:12:26,241
is him getting rammed
in the woods.
284
00:12:28,644 --> 00:12:29,878
Santer's after
you, huh?
285
00:12:29,945 --> 00:12:31,312
Mm-hmm.
286
00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:33,081
I'd like to see that
fat testicle tickler
287
00:12:33,148 --> 00:12:34,515
come down my chimney.
288
00:12:34,583 --> 00:12:36,351
Would it be okay
if we hide out
289
00:12:36,418 --> 00:12:37,785
in your house
for a while?
290
00:12:37,853 --> 00:12:39,837
Hell, yeah.
It's Christmas Eve.
291
00:12:39,905 --> 00:12:42,456
Shoot, let's go
sing a damn song.
292
00:12:50,299 --> 00:12:51,633
Come on, y'all.
Relax.
293
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,668
I told you-- Santer's not
gonna get you up here.
294
00:12:53,736 --> 00:12:57,906
It's totally safe,
and you look fantastic.
295
00:13:02,111 --> 00:13:03,211
They're right.
296
00:13:03,279 --> 00:13:04,746
Just because we're
being hunted like dogs
297
00:13:04,813 --> 00:13:06,848
doesn't mean we can't
have a great Christmas.
298
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,850
Screw Santa.
Let's have some fun.
299
00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:10,285
Here we go, y'all.
300
00:13:10,352 --> 00:13:11,619
Come in after the
"diddle-diddles."
301
00:13:11,687 --> 00:13:12,921
Two, three, four.
302
00:13:14,857 --> 00:13:16,557
Oh, my God.
Who is that?
303
00:13:21,297 --> 00:13:22,497
What is he doing here?
304
00:13:22,564 --> 00:13:23,831
I called him.
305
00:13:23,899 --> 00:13:25,667
I wanted to spend
Christmas with my husband.
306
00:13:25,734 --> 00:13:27,302
I do not want him
in our band.
307
00:13:27,369 --> 00:13:28,853
There's no instruments
for him to play.
308
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:30,571
Right, Bob Todd?
He can play the skin flute.
309
00:13:33,809 --> 00:13:34,742
Oh.
310
00:13:34,810 --> 00:13:36,244
Merry Christmas, all.
311
00:13:36,312 --> 00:13:37,812
Damn it, Jeff.
Go turn off your van.
312
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:39,147
The radio's still on.
313
00:13:39,214 --> 00:13:40,648
That's not
my radio, Mr. S.
314
00:13:40,716 --> 00:13:42,684
My keys
are right here.
315
00:13:42,751 --> 00:13:44,385
Then, what the hell
is that noise?
316
00:13:44,453 --> 00:13:46,087
♪ ♪
317
00:13:55,881 --> 00:13:59,334
I'm coming for you, Smiths!
318
00:13:59,385 --> 00:14:00,501
Hyah!
319
00:14:00,569 --> 00:14:01,736
How did he find us?
320
00:14:01,804 --> 00:14:03,104
Oh. I wrote
him a letter
321
00:14:03,172 --> 00:14:04,672
telling him where he can
deliver our presents.
322
00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:06,474
He's trying to kill us,
you moron!
323
00:14:06,542 --> 00:14:07,742
You gave away
our hiding spot!
324
00:14:07,810 --> 00:14:09,394
Dad, stop it. He didn't know.
325
00:14:09,478 --> 00:14:10,611
He doesn't know anything!
326
00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:12,046
He's super dumb, Hayley.
327
00:14:12,114 --> 00:14:14,515
Jeff, please leave
my family alone forever.
328
00:14:14,566 --> 00:14:16,084
Will you do me that kindness?
329
00:14:16,151 --> 00:14:17,151
Dad!
330
00:14:17,219 --> 00:14:18,519
He understood.
331
00:14:18,587 --> 00:14:20,388
It's a Christmas miracle.
332
00:14:20,456 --> 00:14:22,457
Okay, we got a fight
on our hands, people.
333
00:14:22,524 --> 00:14:24,792
I'm going to shoot that fat turd
in the belly.
334
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:26,794
I heard that, Bob Todd.
335
00:14:26,862 --> 00:14:29,447
I hope you did,
you butt licker!
336
00:14:44,613 --> 00:14:46,814
All right, Steve and I will
go outside with Bob Todd.
337
00:14:46,882 --> 00:14:48,716
Francine, you and Hayley
lock the door behind us
338
00:14:48,784 --> 00:14:49,750
and shoot from
the windows.
339
00:14:49,802 --> 00:14:51,352
But-but, Dad, I swore
340
00:14:51,420 --> 00:14:53,521
I'd never touch another gun
as long as I live.
341
00:14:53,589 --> 00:14:55,723
The emotional burden
I've felt ever since...
342
00:14:55,774 --> 00:14:57,025
Can it,
Growing Pains!
343
00:14:57,092 --> 00:14:58,659
Pick up a gun
this instant
344
00:14:58,727 --> 00:15:00,945
and send these
toy makers to hell!
345
00:15:03,966 --> 00:15:05,767
Ooh. How's that feel, Linda?
346
00:15:18,714 --> 00:15:20,548
Yeah!
347
00:15:29,892 --> 00:15:31,292
You're doing it, son.
348
00:15:31,343 --> 00:15:33,294
Is it weird
to have a boner?
349
00:15:33,345 --> 00:15:35,096
It'd be weird
if you didn't.
350
00:15:43,205 --> 00:15:45,806
Mom, can't you make
Dad be nicer to Jeff?
351
00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:49,210
Oh, honey.
352
00:15:49,278 --> 00:15:52,280
He'll come around,
eventually.
353
00:15:52,347 --> 00:15:54,682
When? I've been with Jeff
for four years.
354
00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:55,616
On your right.
355
00:16:00,789 --> 00:16:03,191
I think he just has
to get used to the idea
356
00:16:03,258 --> 00:16:04,959
of Jeff living
in the house.
357
00:16:05,027 --> 00:16:08,362
Remember how hard it was
for him to get used to Roger?
358
00:16:08,430 --> 00:16:10,231
Not to mention
what's-his-name.
359
00:16:11,433 --> 00:16:13,734
My name is Klaus Heisler.
360
00:16:19,575 --> 00:16:21,309
♪ ♪
361
00:16:57,396 --> 00:16:59,814
♪ ♪
362
00:17:05,888 --> 00:17:07,321
I'm out of ammo!
363
00:17:07,389 --> 00:17:08,556
Damn it! Me, too.
364
00:17:11,727 --> 00:17:13,694
We need more weapons.
365
00:17:13,762 --> 00:17:15,563
How about...
what-what about these?
366
00:17:15,631 --> 00:17:18,399
We can sharpen them with
our mouths and make swords.
367
00:17:18,450 --> 00:17:21,169
Here. Just... just suck
it till it's pointy.
368
00:17:25,007 --> 00:17:28,276
Wow. Hayley-- brand-new
respect for you.
369
00:17:28,343 --> 00:17:30,645
Francine, give Hayley
your candy cane.
370
00:17:30,712 --> 00:17:33,114
Shut up. I can do it.
371
00:17:39,254 --> 00:17:41,055
Dad, there's
too many of them!
372
00:17:41,106 --> 00:17:42,423
I want to help, Mr. S.
373
00:17:42,474 --> 00:17:43,858
You want to help me?
374
00:17:43,926 --> 00:17:45,977
Stand here and shield me
from arrows until you die.
375
00:17:57,739 --> 00:17:59,991
Jeff Fischer!
376
00:18:00,058 --> 00:18:01,475
Come and fight with me.
377
00:18:01,543 --> 00:18:03,511
You're a good boy.
378
00:18:03,579 --> 00:18:06,180
You don't have to die
with the Smiths.
379
00:18:07,349 --> 00:18:09,951
I got you that polar bear helmet
380
00:18:10,018 --> 00:18:12,420
from The Golden Compass
that you asked for.
381
00:18:28,070 --> 00:18:29,737
Jeff, don't do this!
382
00:18:29,805 --> 00:18:31,138
Let him go, Hayley.
383
00:18:31,206 --> 00:18:33,074
I knew he wasn't Smith material.
384
00:18:37,212 --> 00:18:38,312
Dad!
385
00:18:42,718 --> 00:18:45,353
Season's bleedings.
386
00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:48,322
Sorry about this, Santa.
387
00:18:50,525 --> 00:18:53,094
Alex! Jeremiah!
388
00:18:55,163 --> 00:18:57,181
Let me help you
there, Mr. S.
389
00:19:04,139 --> 00:19:05,806
You guys hold them off.
390
00:19:05,874 --> 00:19:08,309
I'll tend to Mr. S.
in the cockpit.
391
00:19:21,990 --> 00:19:24,358
Even after all
I said, you...
392
00:19:24,426 --> 00:19:26,160
you still
saved my life.
393
00:19:26,228 --> 00:19:27,795
I didn't do it for you.
394
00:19:27,863 --> 00:19:29,363
I did it for Hayley.
395
00:19:29,431 --> 00:19:31,866
She's my wife,
and if you're important to her,
396
00:19:31,933 --> 00:19:33,701
you're important to me.
397
00:19:33,769 --> 00:19:36,137
Personally, I think
you're an ass.
398
00:19:36,204 --> 00:19:38,673
Well, how about that?
399
00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:41,108
There's too many of them!
400
00:19:41,176 --> 00:19:42,943
Jeff, what do you say
401
00:19:43,011 --> 00:19:46,414
we go out there and
die... as a family?
402
00:20:01,496 --> 00:20:02,897
Damn.
403
00:20:02,964 --> 00:20:05,633
We only had until Christmas Day.
404
00:20:05,701 --> 00:20:08,469
Everyone,
back to the North Pole!
405
00:20:08,537 --> 00:20:09,770
Retreat!
406
00:20:09,838 --> 00:20:11,956
Retreat!
407
00:20:14,292 --> 00:20:16,577
♪ ♪
408
00:20:25,253 --> 00:20:27,805
Guess I can kiss
my presents good-bye.
409
00:20:27,889 --> 00:20:30,658
You're damn right,
you jerk!
410
00:20:32,127 --> 00:20:34,261
"You were lucky
this year, Smiths,
411
00:20:34,329 --> 00:20:37,631
but I'll be back
next Christmas to kill you."
412
00:20:37,699 --> 00:20:39,100
Oh, my God.
413
00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:41,802
It looks like we found
our new Christmas tradition!
414
00:20:41,870 --> 00:20:45,239
Does your family always have
such messed-up Christmases?
415
00:20:45,307 --> 00:20:46,574
Yeah, Jeff.
416
00:20:46,641 --> 00:20:49,377
And now you do, too.
417
00:20:49,444 --> 00:20:51,979
This sucker tried to turn
into liquid energy on me,
418
00:20:52,047 --> 00:20:53,514
but I wasn't having
none of that.
419
00:20:53,582 --> 00:20:55,383
Ooh. That'll make
some nice venison.
420
00:20:55,450 --> 00:20:58,352
Mm-hmm. I'm gonna cook y'all
a hell of a meal today.
421
00:20:58,420 --> 00:21:00,254
Right after me
and this here reindeer
422
00:21:00,322 --> 00:21:01,589
make sweet, tender love.
423
00:21:01,656 --> 00:21:03,157
Merry Christmas, everybody!
424
00:21:03,225 --> 00:21:06,143
Merry Christmas.
425
00:21:06,228 --> 00:21:09,814
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==