1
00:00:01,591 --> 00:00:03,026
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:03,094 --> 00:00:05,861
* Good morning, USA! *
3
00:00:05,929 --> 00:00:09,796
* I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day *
4
00:00:09,864 --> 00:00:12,732
* The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face *
5
00:00:12,799 --> 00:00:16,902
* And he's shining a salute
to the American race *
6
00:00:19,005 --> 00:00:22,475
* Oh, boy, it's swell to say *
7
00:00:22,543 --> 00:00:24,377
* Good... * Good morning, USA *
8
00:00:24,445 --> 00:00:26,014
Aah!
9
00:00:26,081 --> 00:00:31,384
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
10
00:00:31,688 --> 00:00:33,556
(brakes squeak)
11
00:00:33,624 --> 00:00:35,424
Dad, check it out!
12
00:00:35,492 --> 00:00:38,561
I got a B-plus on my essay
about my personal hero,
13
00:00:38,629 --> 00:00:40,865
Legolas from Lord of the Rings!
14
00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:42,633
(enunciates): "Le-go-las."
15
00:00:42,701 --> 00:00:44,503
Yeah. He helps Aragorn conquer...
16
00:00:44,571 --> 00:00:46,604
"A-ra-gorn."
17
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,907
Yeah! He's an elf,
and-and he... Hey!
18
00:00:48,975 --> 00:00:50,809
That's not a hero, Steve!
19
00:00:50,877 --> 00:00:52,710
A hero is someone you
worship and emulate.
20
00:00:52,778 --> 00:00:54,645
I assume you got such a high grade
21
00:00:54,713 --> 00:00:57,314
because your teacher thought you
were trying to come out to her
22
00:00:57,381 --> 00:00:58,416
and wanted to be supportive.
23
00:00:58,483 --> 00:00:59,817
But Legolas is cool!
24
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:01,385
He can shoot arrows,
25
00:01:01,453 --> 00:01:04,121
his feet scarcely make
imprints on the snow...
26
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,689
They've got to be real! Okay?
27
00:01:05,757 --> 00:01:07,291
Heroes have got to be real people!
28
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:08,691
I'm, um,
29
00:01:08,759 --> 00:01:11,160
I'm ready to pretend
I'm going to school,
30
00:01:11,228 --> 00:01:15,063
if someone wants to pretend
to see my bus outside.
31
00:01:15,131 --> 00:01:17,499
STAN: These are my heroes, son.
32
00:01:17,567 --> 00:01:18,934
Real heroes.
33
00:01:19,001 --> 00:01:21,737
Ronald Reagan and the
1980 "Miracle on Ice"
34
00:01:21,805 --> 00:01:23,440
U.S. hockey team.
35
00:01:23,507 --> 00:01:25,875
1980 was the best year of my life.
36
00:01:25,943 --> 00:01:27,343
Ronald Reagan became president,
37
00:01:27,411 --> 00:01:29,980
and the U.S. hockey team
overcame enormous odds
38
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,215
to beat the Russians
and win Olympic gold.
39
00:01:32,283 --> 00:01:35,386
And my Cabbage Patch Kid Woodrow
was born in the cabbage patch
40
00:01:35,453 --> 00:01:37,321
on September 1.
41
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:38,922
He's not one of my heroes.
42
00:01:38,989 --> 00:01:41,725
He's-he's just been my best
friend since, like, forever.
43
00:01:41,793 --> 00:01:44,027
These men saved me!
44
00:01:44,095 --> 00:01:45,562
I was born into an
upper-middle-class
45
00:01:45,630 --> 00:01:46,897
white family in the suburbs.
46
00:01:46,965 --> 00:01:48,532
No one gave me a chance.
47
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,701
But I saw these men,
these underdogs,
48
00:01:50,768 --> 00:01:52,669
rise up and beat the odds,
49
00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:55,405
and they inspired me to
climb out of the cul-de-sac
50
00:01:55,473 --> 00:01:57,040
and make something of my life!
51
00:01:57,108 --> 00:01:58,875
That's what a hero is, Steve--
52
00:01:58,943 --> 00:02:01,277
someone whose example
you can follow.
53
00:02:01,345 --> 00:02:02,945
(Roger whistling a tune)
54
00:02:03,013 --> 00:02:04,580
Heh, look at that!
55
00:02:04,648 --> 00:02:06,949
Can you believe me and
this group of jagoffs
56
00:02:07,016 --> 00:02:09,151
won the gold?
What are you talking about?
57
00:02:09,219 --> 00:02:11,486
That's me, Chex LeMeneux!
58
00:02:11,554 --> 00:02:13,187
See? That's my finger,
59
00:02:13,255 --> 00:02:15,791
and there's my perfect,
apple-shaped bottom.
60
00:02:15,858 --> 00:02:18,126
Well, love to stay and chat,
but I already had
61
00:02:18,194 --> 00:02:21,297
half this coffee,
and matters are afoot.
62
00:02:21,365 --> 00:02:23,366
Aah! You lazy, selfish,
no-good drunk!
63
00:02:23,433 --> 00:02:26,769
How dare you claim to be one of the
greatest men ever to walk this earth!
64
00:02:26,837 --> 00:02:28,905
I know who Chex LeMeneux is,
and you're not him!
65
00:02:28,973 --> 00:02:31,007
That's 'cause you're not
seeing me in my outfit.
66
00:02:31,075 --> 00:02:33,443
Eh? Recognize me now?
67
00:02:33,510 --> 00:02:37,547
Mustache, courtesy of an L.L.
Bean mannequin, name of Frederick.
68
00:02:37,614 --> 00:02:39,481
Ah, an alien and a mannequin.
69
00:02:39,549 --> 00:02:41,317
What were we thinking?
70
00:02:41,384 --> 00:02:42,985
We were young.
71
00:02:43,052 --> 00:02:45,120
Take off that jersey!
You're besmirching the team!
72
00:02:45,188 --> 00:02:47,122
I'm not telling you,
I was the agitator,
73
00:02:47,189 --> 00:02:48,456
the enforcer, the goon.
74
00:02:48,524 --> 00:02:49,957
In that game versus Sweden,
75
00:02:50,025 --> 00:02:52,460
I was inside one of their
forwards for, like, a minute.
76
00:02:52,527 --> 00:02:53,961
He still writes me.
77
00:02:54,029 --> 00:02:55,729
I don't write back.
78
00:02:55,797 --> 00:02:57,231
What am I afraid of?
79
00:02:57,299 --> 00:02:58,566
I said take that off!
80
00:02:58,634 --> 00:03:00,601
Fine! You don't believe me?
I'll prove it to you.
81
00:03:00,669 --> 00:03:02,904
You know how I go out
of town once a year?
82
00:03:02,971 --> 00:03:04,872
No. I don't like to think about you;
it's confusing.
83
00:03:04,940 --> 00:03:06,507
That's when the team gets
together to reminisce.
84
00:03:06,575 --> 00:03:08,142
Our next gathering
is in a few weeks.
85
00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:10,377
Why don't you come with
me and see for yourself?
86
00:03:10,445 --> 00:03:13,113
Fine! I'll go, and I'll
call you on your nonsense!
87
00:03:13,181 --> 00:03:15,616
Good. I normally take my
barber as my plus one,
88
00:03:15,684 --> 00:03:18,485
but lately, Phil's been
on this corduroy kick.
89
00:03:18,553 --> 00:03:20,887
I-I mean... wh-what do you do?
90
00:03:20,955 --> 00:03:23,056
Wh-What's... what's to be done?
91
00:03:25,860 --> 00:03:28,261
* She say I'm Mr. Ro... *
92
00:03:28,329 --> 00:03:29,329
* Mantic... *
93
00:03:29,396 --> 00:03:30,530
Hey, Francine!
94
00:03:30,598 --> 00:03:32,265
Give Reggie some sugar.
95
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,167
Hey, Reginald!
96
00:03:34,234 --> 00:03:35,768
What are you doing here?
97
00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:38,071
Oh, I got back from a
CIA mission last night.
98
00:03:38,139 --> 00:03:40,540
Stan said I could pop in
and make myself at home.
99
00:03:40,608 --> 00:03:43,009
You know, use y'all's laundry,
shower, maybe spark up a...
100
00:03:43,077 --> 00:03:44,144
(inhaling)
101
00:03:44,211 --> 00:03:46,346
I'm sorry, I don't...
102
00:03:46,414 --> 00:03:48,282
Oh, I thought you partook.
103
00:03:48,350 --> 00:03:50,451
ever mind. Boop! Press delete.
104
00:03:50,519 --> 00:03:53,354
Anyway, these
mother-zeroes at the CIA
105
00:03:53,422 --> 00:03:55,357
got me running around.
106
00:03:55,425 --> 00:03:57,026
I just got back from Tangiers.
107
00:03:57,093 --> 00:03:58,794
That is some country-ass country!
108
00:03:58,861 --> 00:04:01,096
You know what they
never heard of there?
109
00:04:01,164 --> 00:04:02,598
Hi-damn-C.
110
00:04:02,666 --> 00:04:04,967
Got some yak juice
squirting out of some goat.
111
00:04:05,035 --> 00:04:06,836
Tastes like butt
coming out some teat.
112
00:04:06,904 --> 00:04:09,306
(Middle-Eastern accent):
"You want some figs? You want some cheese?"
113
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,974
Hell, no! It's 150 degrees!
114
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,943
Can I get a damn ice cube?
115
00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:13,844
Um...
116
00:04:17,649 --> 00:04:20,618
FRANCINE'S VOICE: Dear Reginald,
I didn't want to interrupt you,
117
00:04:20,686 --> 00:04:22,820
but I really had to go
to the bathroom.
118
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:24,055
Love, Francine.
119
00:04:24,123 --> 00:04:25,990
Did you put my dress in the dryer?
120
00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:27,859
Oh, yeah, I did. It was no problem.
121
00:04:27,926 --> 00:04:29,694
I just threw it in with my jeans.
122
00:04:29,762 --> 00:04:30,861
You shrunk it!
123
00:04:30,929 --> 00:04:32,296
I was gonna wear it tonight!
124
00:04:32,364 --> 00:04:34,298
I'm going to dinner
with my boyfriend Ian.
125
00:04:34,366 --> 00:04:36,266
Ian is gonna like
that tight on you.
126
00:04:36,334 --> 00:04:37,701
Showcase your bits!
127
00:04:37,769 --> 00:04:40,303
Just stay away from me!
128
00:04:40,371 --> 00:04:42,038
Whew, she hate me,
129
00:04:42,106 --> 00:04:44,740
Like the deserts hate the rain.
130
00:04:45,976 --> 00:04:48,978
How much did that fake
sign set you back?
131
00:04:52,082 --> 00:04:54,249
Not bad for La Quinta.
132
00:04:54,317 --> 00:04:57,253
A sign-in table-
nice touch, Roger.
133
00:04:57,321 --> 00:04:58,454
Hello, Chex.
134
00:04:58,521 --> 00:05:00,723
I see you didn't bring
your barber this time.
135
00:05:00,791 --> 00:05:03,426
I guess you'll never ask
me to be your plus one!
136
00:05:03,494 --> 00:05:05,862
(sobbing)
137
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,265
You're fat, Helen!
138
00:05:08,333 --> 00:05:09,934
(indistinct chatter)
139
00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:12,203
ALL: Chex!
140
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:14,739
Who wants their neck sliced open?!
141
00:05:14,807 --> 00:05:15,974
(chuckles)
142
00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:17,308
(laughing)
143
00:05:17,376 --> 00:05:19,644
That's... Jim Craig.
144
00:05:19,711 --> 00:05:21,011
And Mark Johnson.
145
00:05:21,079 --> 00:05:22,446
STAN: There's Mike Eruzione!
146
00:05:22,513 --> 00:05:24,147
Just in time, Chex.
147
00:05:24,215 --> 00:05:26,550
They're about to show some
of our old game footage.
148
00:05:50,007 --> 00:05:51,875
(cheering) All right!
149
00:05:51,943 --> 00:05:54,011
I can't believe it.
150
00:05:54,079 --> 00:05:57,315
Roger is my hero.
151
00:05:57,382 --> 00:05:58,616
Aah!
152
00:05:58,684 --> 00:06:00,952
Stan, who the hell
are you talking to?
153
00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:03,288
Are you just sitting in
the dark watching me?
154
00:06:03,356 --> 00:06:05,891
Oh, God, were you yanking
it over my sleeping form?
155
00:06:05,959 --> 00:06:07,192
Oh, you sick...
156
00:06:07,260 --> 00:06:08,561
What the...?
157
00:06:08,628 --> 00:06:10,796
(low, deep snoring)
158
00:06:13,867 --> 00:06:16,636
You always get what you want,
don't you, Helen?
159
00:06:16,704 --> 00:06:18,004
Bravo.
160
00:06:21,061 --> 00:06:22,961
Little more cereal?
Top off your java?
161
00:06:23,029 --> 00:06:25,297
Oh, looks like that article
continues on page ten.
162
00:06:25,365 --> 00:06:27,299
Dad, he's still the same Roger!
163
00:06:27,366 --> 00:06:30,802
Just because he won a hockey game 30
years ago, he's suddenly your hero?
164
00:06:30,870 --> 00:06:33,238
Yes, Steve. What did your
hero Legoman ever win?
165
00:06:33,306 --> 00:06:34,940
It's Legolas.
166
00:06:35,008 --> 00:06:37,209
You mispronounce it
just to aggravate me.
167
00:06:37,277 --> 00:06:39,912
Ooh... I am steaming, boy!
168
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:42,348
Ooh...
169
00:06:42,416 --> 00:06:43,883
(door closes)
170
00:06:43,951 --> 00:06:45,385
Roger, I am so sorry
171
00:06:45,453 --> 00:06:47,454
for how I treated
you all these years.
172
00:06:47,522 --> 00:06:48,622
Stan, don't worry about it.
173
00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:50,558
I want you to punch me in the face.
174
00:06:50,625 --> 00:06:52,527
(laughs): I'm not gonna
punch you in the face.
175
00:06:52,595 --> 00:06:55,129
I want you to hurt me to make
up for how I treated you.
176
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:57,398
Here, take my gun and shoot
me through the cheek.
177
00:06:57,466 --> 00:06:58,666
Stan, I am not going...
178
00:06:58,733 --> 00:06:59,800
(gunshot)
179
00:06:59,867 --> 00:07:01,635
Sorry again about the
whole cheek thing.
180
00:07:01,702 --> 00:07:03,403
(chuckles): I didn't
mean to... Nonsense!
181
00:07:03,471 --> 00:07:06,672
You just gave me another hole
for your glory to shine through.
182
00:07:06,740 --> 00:07:08,707
A glory hole in my face.
183
00:07:08,775 --> 00:07:11,643
(farting)
184
00:07:12,979 --> 00:07:15,146
You're so great.
185
00:07:16,816 --> 00:07:18,250
May I?
186
00:07:20,888 --> 00:07:22,989
Hayley Mills!
187
00:07:23,057 --> 00:07:24,924
America's original sweetheart.
188
00:07:24,992 --> 00:07:26,393
Come on.
189
00:07:26,461 --> 00:07:27,661
It's been a whole week.
190
00:07:27,729 --> 00:07:29,630
You still mad at Reggie?
191
00:07:29,698 --> 00:07:31,599
Look, how about a peace offering?
192
00:07:31,666 --> 00:07:32,800
You like music?
193
00:07:32,868 --> 00:07:34,201
You like Shaggy?
194
00:07:34,269 --> 00:07:35,235
(à la Shaggy): Shaggy!
195
00:07:35,303 --> 00:07:36,203
No.
196
00:07:36,271 --> 00:07:37,237
Yes, you do.
197
00:07:37,305 --> 00:07:38,739
Everybody likes Shaggy.
198
00:07:38,807 --> 00:07:40,273
That's why he playing
the fairgrounds.
199
00:07:40,341 --> 00:07:42,142
Me and you are going.
200
00:07:42,210 --> 00:07:43,309
You don't seem to get it.
201
00:07:43,377 --> 00:07:44,310
I don't like you.
202
00:07:44,378 --> 00:07:45,678
I want to change that.
203
00:07:45,745 --> 00:07:47,379
I want to be your friend.
204
00:07:47,447 --> 00:07:49,447
That's why I'm taking
you to Shaggy, Hayley.
205
00:07:49,515 --> 00:07:51,049
(à la Shaggy): Hayley!
206
00:07:52,851 --> 00:07:54,985
So, Mike Eruzione and I decided
207
00:07:55,053 --> 00:07:56,988
to pull a prank on our
teammates. Uh-huh.
208
00:07:57,055 --> 00:07:59,057
The night before the
game with Czechoslovakia,
209
00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:01,393
we sneak into the locker
room and rub muscle ointment
210
00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:02,661
inside all the helmets, right?
211
00:08:02,728 --> 00:08:04,095
Uh-huh.
212
00:08:04,163 --> 00:08:05,730
So, the next day, on the ice,
213
00:08:05,798 --> 00:08:07,666
the guys started sweating,
and their scalps
214
00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:09,501
started to burn.
(laughing): Oh, man!
215
00:08:09,569 --> 00:08:10,869
But the best part was,
216
00:08:10,937 --> 00:08:13,337
Eruzione and I forgot
which helmets were ours
217
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:15,273
and put on the ointment
ones by accident.
218
00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:17,942
So, he's going crazy,
with his head all burning up.
219
00:08:18,010 --> 00:08:19,610
(laughing)
220
00:08:19,678 --> 00:08:21,545
And, of course,
I couldn't feel a thing
221
00:08:21,613 --> 00:08:23,814
'cause of all the steroids
I was on. Steroids?
222
00:08:27,218 --> 00:08:29,053
Rob McClanahan, the U.
S. hockey team
223
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,021
is on a roll no one expected.
224
00:08:31,089 --> 00:08:32,790
How are you playing so well?
225
00:08:32,858 --> 00:08:34,525
Well, you know,
we're all about the team.
226
00:08:34,592 --> 00:08:35,892
We focus on fundamentals
227
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,561
and listen to what Coach tells us.
228
00:08:37,629 --> 00:08:39,096
I'll kill your mother!
229
00:08:39,164 --> 00:08:40,998
(yelling wildly)
230
00:08:46,339 --> 00:08:48,007
The team was on steroids?
231
00:08:48,074 --> 00:08:49,408
Not the team; just me.
232
00:08:49,476 --> 00:08:51,544
Yeah, I couldn't get on the ice
233
00:08:51,611 --> 00:08:53,579
without my old Uncle Roy... d.
234
00:08:53,647 --> 00:08:55,014
I don't believe this.
235
00:08:55,082 --> 00:08:57,116
Believe it. That's why
my penis is so small.
236
00:08:57,183 --> 00:08:59,051
But you know what? Worth it.
237
00:08:59,119 --> 00:09:00,720
This is the only thing I need
238
00:09:00,787 --> 00:09:03,188
to dangle to get the ladies.
239
00:09:06,926 --> 00:09:08,694
You cheated.
240
00:09:08,762 --> 00:09:10,129
Yes, of course, I cheated.
241
00:09:10,196 --> 00:09:11,497
It's what I do best.
242
00:09:11,565 --> 00:09:12,731
That and this.
243
00:09:12,799 --> 00:09:14,066
* Doo doo doo doo doo *
244
00:09:14,134 --> 00:09:15,067
* Byoo-byool *
245
00:09:15,135 --> 00:09:16,235
* Doo doo doo doo doo *
246
00:09:16,303 --> 00:09:17,103
* Byoo-byool *
247
00:09:19,873 --> 00:09:23,041
(sobbing)
248
00:09:23,109 --> 00:09:24,710
Thought I heard you in here.
249
00:09:24,778 --> 00:09:27,513
Having a good old-fashioned
night cry, huh?
250
00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:29,481
You want Mr. Cry-ceratops?
251
00:09:29,549 --> 00:09:30,783
That's right.
252
00:09:30,850 --> 00:09:32,651
Feed him your tears.
253
00:09:32,719 --> 00:09:34,020
Yes.
254
00:09:34,087 --> 00:09:35,388
You're good with him.
255
00:09:35,455 --> 00:09:37,990
Roger was on steroids
the whole time.
256
00:09:38,058 --> 00:09:40,292
The team never should
have won that gold medal.
257
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:41,961
I don't know what to do.
258
00:09:42,028 --> 00:09:43,696
Do I tell people the truth?
259
00:09:43,764 --> 00:09:45,632
That one of the greatest moments
260
00:09:45,699 --> 00:09:48,568
in American history has been a lie?
261
00:09:51,238 --> 00:09:52,538
That's it.
262
00:09:52,606 --> 00:09:55,641
I have to go ask the one
true hero I have left
263
00:09:55,709 --> 00:09:57,042
what he thinks I should do.
264
00:09:57,110 --> 00:09:58,511
Ronald Reagan.
265
00:09:58,578 --> 00:10:00,012
But he's dead.
266
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,248
Dead, but not unreachable.
267
00:10:02,315 --> 00:10:03,816
(gasps) Like Gandalf the Grey
268
00:10:03,884 --> 00:10:06,018
when he came back as
Gandalf the White!
269
00:10:06,086 --> 00:10:07,886
(sighing): Oh, son.
270
00:10:07,954 --> 00:10:10,389
Every day with you is
a punch in the nads.
271
00:10:13,192 --> 00:10:15,093
And that's my situation,
Mrs. Reagan.
272
00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:17,396
So, I need to know:
What would Ronnie do?
273
00:10:17,464 --> 00:10:20,199
Well, let's ask him.
274
00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:22,102
(unintelligible gurgles)
275
00:10:24,172 --> 00:10:26,908
"Medal... back."
276
00:10:26,975 --> 00:10:28,910
Reagan wants me to
give the medal back.
277
00:10:28,978 --> 00:10:30,679
Come on, son!
278
00:10:33,983 --> 00:10:37,285
When will these
idiots leave me alone?
279
00:10:37,353 --> 00:10:38,987
People coming here
all hours of the day
280
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,089
wanting to talk to Ronnie.
281
00:10:41,157 --> 00:10:42,691
Why do you keep lying to them?
282
00:10:42,759 --> 00:10:44,993
You don't get paid to
ask questions, Paul.
283
00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:47,129
You're a secret service man.
284
00:10:47,196 --> 00:10:50,198
Now, service me.
285
00:10:50,266 --> 00:10:52,600
(whimpering)
286
00:10:55,705 --> 00:10:56,972
Just spoke to the pilot.
287
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,374
We should be landing
288
00:10:58,441 --> 00:10:59,875
at the International Olympic
Committee Headquarters
289
00:10:59,943 --> 00:11:01,644
in Switzerland in a half hour.
290
00:11:01,712 --> 00:11:04,214
So, Roger, you're okay with
giving your medal back?
291
00:11:04,282 --> 00:11:05,615
Look, when Stan first told me,
292
00:11:05,683 --> 00:11:07,250
sure, I might've been a tad upset.
293
00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:09,119
But then I decided if the good name
294
00:11:09,187 --> 00:11:11,155
of Chex LeMeneux is
gonna be tarnished,
295
00:11:11,222 --> 00:11:13,991
then let it be Chex
LeMeneux who tarnishes it.
296
00:11:14,059 --> 00:11:18,829
Stan, if you would,
just let me hold her one last time.
297
00:11:18,897 --> 00:11:20,664
Good-bye, old friend.
298
00:11:20,731 --> 00:11:22,566
I never thought it
would end like this.
299
00:11:22,633 --> 00:11:24,702
I always thought I'd end
up selling you for meth.
300
00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:27,304
But there's nothing
noble about this.
301
00:11:27,371 --> 00:11:30,607
Excuse me, I need to use the
restroom before we land.
302
00:11:30,675 --> 00:11:33,377
Uh, uh, I don't want you
to take the medal in there.
303
00:11:33,444 --> 00:11:34,845
I know you don't wash your hands.
304
00:11:34,913 --> 00:11:37,114
You don't have to
every single time.
305
00:11:37,182 --> 00:11:38,549
The only time my hands
get dirty is when I drop
306
00:11:38,617 --> 00:11:40,918
my sandwich in the toilet bowl.
307
00:11:44,357 --> 00:11:46,125
I'm surprised at Roger's attitude.
308
00:11:46,192 --> 00:11:47,526
I was, too.
309
00:11:47,594 --> 00:11:49,995
I think he genuinely feels
bad about this whole thing.
310
00:11:50,063 --> 00:11:52,331
He can't ever totally
make up for what he did,
311
00:11:52,399 --> 00:11:54,333
but it seems like he wants to try.
312
00:11:54,401 --> 00:11:56,635
He finally seems to understand
313
00:11:56,703 --> 00:11:58,870
the difference between
right and wrong.
314
00:11:58,938 --> 00:12:00,672
(Steve and Stan yelling)
315
00:12:08,425 --> 00:12:09,491
Roger?
316
00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:11,059
Roger, where are you?!
317
00:12:15,397 --> 00:12:18,533
We have to push on if we're
gonna make it to the I.O.C.
318
00:12:18,601 --> 00:12:19,867
Reagan wants me to
return the medal,
319
00:12:19,935 --> 00:12:21,169
and that's what we're going to do.
320
00:12:21,236 --> 00:12:22,369
But Roger?
321
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:23,871
If he survived,
he'll meet us there.
322
00:12:23,939 --> 00:12:29,010
If he didn't, he'd still
want us to make things right.
323
00:12:29,077 --> 00:12:32,413
Shouldn't we spend at least
two minutes looking for him?
324
00:12:36,719 --> 00:12:40,489
(as Gollum): The Smitheses
takes the precious from us.
325
00:12:40,557 --> 00:12:42,391
Precious is ourses.
326
00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:48,331
Oh, what a beautiful ringses.
327
00:12:48,398 --> 00:12:50,566
Wait, this turns people invisible?
328
00:12:50,634 --> 00:12:52,936
Who needs to be invisible
in the middle of nowhere?
329
00:12:53,003 --> 00:12:55,638
Where were you when I
farted at Danny's wedding?
330
00:13:02,246 --> 00:13:03,613
You having a good time?
331
00:13:03,681 --> 00:13:05,815
You enjoy that funnel
cake I got you?
332
00:13:05,883 --> 00:13:08,118
So, I'm trying to give up soda.
333
00:13:08,185 --> 00:13:11,153
It is hard, my Lord, it is hard!
334
00:13:11,221 --> 00:13:14,723
Listen, thanks for this,
but I'm pretty tired, I'm gonna go.
335
00:13:14,791 --> 00:13:16,491
Hey!
336
00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,560
Yo, man, apologize to the lady!
337
00:13:19,628 --> 00:13:21,396
Reginald, it's okay,
just let it go.
338
00:13:21,463 --> 00:13:24,666
Check your skank,
you tiny marsupial!
339
00:13:27,069 --> 00:13:28,637
Hold my chain.
340
00:13:28,705 --> 00:13:31,273
(grunting)
341
00:13:31,341 --> 00:13:32,541
Yeah! (groaning)
342
00:13:32,609 --> 00:13:35,144
Ooh, have some!
343
00:13:35,212 --> 00:13:36,413
(groans)
344
00:13:37,915 --> 00:13:40,250
Say you're sorry to the lady.
345
00:13:40,318 --> 00:13:41,652
(muffled): I'm sorry.
346
00:13:41,719 --> 00:13:43,387
Say it so all these nice
people can hear you.
347
00:13:43,454 --> 00:13:45,822
I'm sorry!
348
00:13:45,890 --> 00:13:47,190
(people cheering) Whoo! All right!
349
00:13:47,257 --> 00:13:49,525
Wow, no one's ever stood
up for me like that before.
350
00:13:49,593 --> 00:13:50,693
No?
351
00:13:50,761 --> 00:13:52,094
Well, it's not easy to beat down
352
00:13:52,162 --> 00:13:53,863
a fool and still look...
353
00:13:53,931 --> 00:13:55,965
CHORUS: * Cute as a button. *
354
00:14:02,239 --> 00:14:05,576
Master wants to take
the Precious from us.
355
00:14:05,643 --> 00:14:06,944
(As himself): You mean the medal?
356
00:14:07,011 --> 00:14:10,080
He plans to destroy our precious!
357
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:12,182
Okay, first of all,
say it, don't spray it.
358
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:13,650
Second, I agree with you.
359
00:14:13,718 --> 00:14:17,288
We must kills Master and
gets the precious back.
360
00:14:17,355 --> 00:14:20,157
Wow, look at you! You are brassy.
361
00:14:20,225 --> 00:14:23,727
We leads them through the
tunnel to the jugenherberger.
362
00:14:23,794 --> 00:14:25,729
She likes to drink the nectar.
363
00:14:25,797 --> 00:14:28,998
When they go in,
they won't comes back out!
364
00:14:29,066 --> 00:14:31,467
(cackling)
365
00:14:31,535 --> 00:14:32,668
STAN: Roger, you're alive!
366
00:14:32,736 --> 00:14:34,137
What happened to your hair?
367
00:14:34,204 --> 00:14:36,372
What? Nothing.
It burned off in the crash.
368
00:14:36,439 --> 00:14:37,973
I like it. Do you like it?
369
00:14:38,041 --> 00:14:40,042
No. It looks really bad.
370
00:14:40,109 --> 00:14:41,443
Well, (bleep) you.
371
00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:43,512
Hey, how crazy was
that plane crash, huh?
372
00:14:43,580 --> 00:14:45,147
Luckily no one died but the pilot.
373
00:14:45,215 --> 00:14:46,515
What happened to you?
374
00:14:46,583 --> 00:14:49,085
Well, landed in a tree,
was impaled on a branch,
375
00:14:49,153 --> 00:14:50,353
pulled it out, turned it
into my walking stick.
376
00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:51,755
Very proud of that.
377
00:14:51,822 --> 00:14:53,991
Lost it-- devastated.
And here we are.
378
00:14:54,058 --> 00:14:57,528
Luckily, I know this mountain
from all my I.O.C. ski trips.
379
00:14:57,596 --> 00:14:59,797
In fact, I know a
shortcut to the top.
380
00:14:59,865 --> 00:15:01,332
Fantastic! That's great, Roger!
381
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,735
They goes up, but they
won't comes back down.
382
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,337
What did you say?
383
00:15:06,404 --> 00:15:08,572
I asked if you wanted
to buy some weed.
384
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:11,175
I said it in a weird voice
so your dad wouldn't hear.
385
00:15:11,242 --> 00:15:12,509
But now he did.
386
00:15:12,576 --> 00:15:14,344
So, you blew the deal.
387
00:15:14,411 --> 00:15:18,314
It was good weed, Steveses.
388
00:15:18,382 --> 00:15:20,750
(water gurgling)
389
00:15:24,487 --> 00:15:27,556
(echoing): It's just through here!
390
00:15:27,623 --> 00:15:29,157
Roger?
391
00:15:29,225 --> 00:15:32,026
(Roger as Gollum giggling)
392
00:15:32,094 --> 00:15:33,995
Something's not right.
393
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:36,097
Shh, listen!
394
00:15:36,165 --> 00:15:38,066
(rhythmic thumping)
395
00:15:38,134 --> 00:15:41,069
It's coming from up there.
396
00:15:41,137 --> 00:15:44,073
He'll never escape her clutches.
397
00:15:44,140 --> 00:15:47,243
(thumping techno music playing)
398
00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:49,578
Where are we?
399
00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:51,814
(with German accent):
The youth hostel, silly!
400
00:15:54,517 --> 00:15:56,018
Yes, we are dancing!
401
00:15:56,086 --> 00:15:58,320
Wonderful!
402
00:15:59,522 --> 00:16:00,789
I am Olga.
403
00:16:00,857 --> 00:16:03,158
Welcome to my jugenherberger.
404
00:16:03,226 --> 00:16:05,160
I will make you drink so much,
405
00:16:05,228 --> 00:16:07,629
you will never want
to leave this place.
406
00:16:07,697 --> 00:16:08,997
No, no, I need my wits.
407
00:16:09,065 --> 00:16:11,199
(sputtering)
408
00:16:11,267 --> 00:16:13,135
(glass shatters) (moans woozily)
409
00:16:13,203 --> 00:16:16,038
And now,
Hachenscherflaggenschlager.
410
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:21,610
(as Gollum):
The precious is mine, mine!
411
00:16:21,678 --> 00:16:23,913
(cackling)
412
00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:26,648
He... betrayed me.
413
00:16:26,716 --> 00:16:28,217
It's over.
414
00:16:28,284 --> 00:16:29,784
He's won.
415
00:16:33,689 --> 00:16:36,925
(gasps) Circa 1980 Ronald Reagan!
416
00:16:36,992 --> 00:16:38,326
Don't give up, Stan.
417
00:16:38,394 --> 00:16:40,561
You must take the
medal to the I.O.C.
418
00:16:40,629 --> 00:16:43,397
and destroy it by throwing
it into the Olympic torch.
419
00:16:43,465 --> 00:16:45,466
I won't let you down.
420
00:16:45,534 --> 00:16:48,002
Wow, look at me,
talking to my hero.
421
00:16:48,069 --> 00:16:50,104
This could not possibly
get any better.
422
00:16:50,172 --> 00:16:51,605
Oh, no?
423
00:16:51,672 --> 00:16:54,274
How about sharing a Nathan's
hot dog with the Gipper?
424
00:16:57,478 --> 00:16:59,212
When I wake up,
there'd better not be
425
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,047
a weiner slapping me in the face.
426
00:17:01,115 --> 00:17:02,482
(slapping)
427
00:17:02,550 --> 00:17:03,483
(gags)
428
00:17:03,551 --> 00:17:04,951
Get up!
429
00:17:05,019 --> 00:17:08,088
The time for beer bongs is now!
430
00:17:08,156 --> 00:17:09,823
(cackling)
431
00:17:10,825 --> 00:17:12,893
(grunting)
432
00:17:12,961 --> 00:17:14,896
You lying, thieving, cheater!
433
00:17:14,963 --> 00:17:16,330
You're going to get
what you deserve!
434
00:17:16,398 --> 00:17:18,333
Where do they keep the
British tourist girls?
435
00:17:19,535 --> 00:17:21,870
(eating noisily)
436
00:17:21,938 --> 00:17:24,039
Look, girls, a present!
437
00:17:25,641 --> 00:17:29,311
(all squealing excitedly)
438
00:17:29,379 --> 00:17:31,280
No!
439
00:17:31,347 --> 00:17:34,083
They're so horny-y-y-y!
440
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:41,390
So, we're at the restaurant,
441
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:43,192
and Ian plucks a
hair out of my head
442
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:45,595
and puts it in the spaghetti
to try to get us a free meal.
443
00:17:45,663 --> 00:17:46,863
You know what the problem is?
444
00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:48,265
You dating a boy.
445
00:17:48,332 --> 00:17:52,336
What you need to be doing
is dating a grown-ass man.
446
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:55,139
Well, it's late.
I better head home.
447
00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:56,341
Good night, Hayley.
448
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:57,542
Good night, Reggie.
449
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,811
I had a great time tonight.
450
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,514
Whoa, girl,
that's the cognac talking.
451
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,182
I'm all up in your head right now.
452
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,651
You're a little bit excited,
453
00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:08,185
you saw Reggie get a
little loose today.
454
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,486
I know what I'm doing.
455
00:18:09,554 --> 00:18:10,921
Hayley, I'm seeing someone.
456
00:18:10,989 --> 00:18:12,923
Oh, you-you never mentioned that.
457
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:14,258
I didn't think it was relevant.
458
00:18:14,325 --> 00:18:15,892
We were hanging out as friends.
459
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,228
Look, do I know if it's going
to work out with my lady friend?
460
00:18:18,295 --> 00:18:19,562
No, I don't.
461
00:18:19,629 --> 00:18:21,530
But I have to respect Rhonda.
462
00:18:21,598 --> 00:18:23,332
If I didn't, I'd be just like
463
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,568
those boys you run around
with down at the school yard.
464
00:18:25,635 --> 00:18:27,604
Wow, that's really honorable.
465
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:30,274
She's a lucky lady.
466
00:18:30,341 --> 00:18:32,142
But I want you to know two things.
467
00:18:32,210 --> 00:18:34,645
I sleep with my door unlocked,
and this just happened.
468
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,420
Whoo! She got the
drop on old Reggie.
469
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,422
Caught those full in the face.
470
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,624
Those were guns, Reggie be dead.
471
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,960
(wind whistling)
472
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:51,228
(dramatic music plays)
473
00:18:53,431 --> 00:18:54,998
There it is!
474
00:18:58,035 --> 00:18:59,869
(fire crackling)
475
00:18:59,936 --> 00:19:01,103
(music stops)
476
00:19:03,507 --> 00:19:05,908
(screaming and yelling)
477
00:19:05,976 --> 00:19:07,243
No!
478
00:19:07,311 --> 00:19:08,811
Precious is mine!
479
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,153
(Roger growling)
480
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,492
(fire crackling)
481
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,069
Yeah, so, that's not real fire.
482
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,805
It's a fan blowing
luminescent plastic strips.
483
00:19:33,872 --> 00:19:35,173
Hey, what you guys doing?
484
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,041
(gasps)
485
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:39,410
Sir, brace yourself.
486
00:19:39,477 --> 00:19:41,978
I have some sad and
shocking information
487
00:19:42,046 --> 00:19:44,247
about the 1980 men's U.
S. Hockey Team.
488
00:19:44,315 --> 00:19:49,585
I have discovered that one of
the players was on steroids.
489
00:19:49,653 --> 00:19:52,421
Which is why I've brought
this back to you.
490
00:19:52,489 --> 00:19:54,991
We didn't earn it and
we don't deserve it.
491
00:19:55,058 --> 00:19:56,526
Yeah, I'm not taking that.
492
00:19:56,593 --> 00:19:58,261
What? Huh? Yay!
493
00:19:58,329 --> 00:20:00,330
Listen, man,
we're the Winter Olympics.
494
00:20:00,398 --> 00:20:02,132
No one gives a crap about us.
495
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,534
The Miracle on Ice franchise
496
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,036
keeps the lights on in this place.
497
00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:08,873
But Ronald Reagan himself told
me to come here and return this.
498
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,909
Oh, Reagan knew about the steroids.
499
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,678
He did? Oh, yeah.
500
00:20:12,746 --> 00:20:15,915
But he also knew how huge
that victory was for the U.S.,
501
00:20:15,983 --> 00:20:19,152
so he "persuaded" us
to look the other way.
502
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:22,154
That's why we have the Ron
Reagan Memorial Hot Tub.
503
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:26,025
Get your asses in
this tub right now!
504
00:20:30,030 --> 00:20:33,632
(Roger giggling)
505
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:35,434
I can't believe it.
506
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:38,270
Both my heroes betrayed me.
507
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:40,605
Oh, Dad, Reagan and the hockey team
508
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,674
made mistakes just like we all do.
509
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,077
But the good they did
still inspired you
510
00:20:45,145 --> 00:20:46,846
to become who you are today.
511
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,214
It's okay to have heroes.
512
00:20:48,282 --> 00:20:50,650
Just don't follow and
worship them blindly.
513
00:20:50,718 --> 00:20:54,254
Yeah, I suppose heroes are
just normal people who...
514
00:20:54,322 --> 00:20:58,290
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
515
00:20:58,994 --> 00:21:00,696
Oh, (bleep)!
516
00:21:00,763 --> 00:21:03,365
Roger, what did you do that for?!
517
00:21:03,433 --> 00:21:04,700
You already have the medal!
518
00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:06,468
I don't know.
They did it in the movie.
519
00:21:06,535 --> 00:21:09,203
(screaming) I mean, if we're
gonna go for it, let's go for it.