1 00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:06,484 I think I just saw Tonya Harding. 2 00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:08,486 Okay, I just want to go over tomorrow 3 00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:09,966 'cause it's a beast. 4 00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:12,055 We've got winter coat shopping in the morning, 5 00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:13,535 lunch at Nerfer's in the afternoon-- 6 00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:15,406 Babe, I have plans tomorrow. 7 00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:16,842 Taking off the goatee! 8 00:00:16,842 --> 00:00:18,148 No! 9 00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,628 - Yikes. - Really? 10 00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:21,847 Babe, you'll look weird without a goatee. 11 00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:24,328 After seeing this CIA rendering of your face 12 00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:26,113 with no goatee, I agree. 13 00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:31,596 Bongiorno, y'all! Welcome to Mama Mangia's. 14 00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:33,163 What can I get y'all tonight? 15 00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:35,818 I will have the "sal-mon." 16 00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:39,039 No, you won't like it. He'll have the grilled cheese. 17 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,432 Babe, I want the "sal-mon." 18 00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:42,607 It's pronounced "sah"-- 19 00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:44,914 I say "sal-mon," and I want it! 20 00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:48,526 Give us a moment, Agatha. Core team, huddle up. 21 00:00:51,747 --> 00:00:53,488 Sorry, Jeff, salmon's just not 22 00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:54,880 possible for you at this time. 23 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:58,971 I...want... sal-mon! 24 00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:02,018 Okay, we should leave. Give our apologies to Mama Mangia. 25 00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:04,455 Oh don't you worry about Mama's feelings! 26 00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,414 She's a private equity group. 27 00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:12,028 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 28 00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:15,858 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 29 00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:19,079 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 30 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:23,344 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 31 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:28,523 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 32 00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,829 -♪ Good-- ♪ -♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 33 00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:32,135 Aah! 34 00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:36,835 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 35 00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:38,663 So what are we doing for dinner now? 36 00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:40,709 Well, we do have that eight-pound brisket 37 00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,189 left over in the freezer. 38 00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:44,191 - We got any latkes? - Dozens. 39 00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:46,671 Plus some matzoh ball soup from Greenblatt's. 40 00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:47,803 Two portions. 41 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:49,109 - One for me! - I'll nosh on that! 42 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,980 Any dessert? Hamentashen? 43 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,591 I made blintzes yesterday. 44 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,289 Ooh, Jeff loves blintzes. 45 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:56,594 I'm not hungry. 46 00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:57,987 You gotta eat something, Jeff. 47 00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,945 Yeah, you need your nutrients. 48 00:01:59,945 --> 00:02:01,730 Nutrients are important, Jeff. 49 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,558 I can make my own decisions! 50 00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:04,820 But you can't, Jeff. 51 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,169 Yeah, you make bad ones. 52 00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:07,431 So we make them for you. 53 00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:10,130 - To help you. - 'Cause you're not the smartest. 54 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,306 This is messed up, Babe! 55 00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:16,179 No, I'm done! From now on, I'm the decider of me! 56 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:18,660 Mr. S, let me out of the car! 57 00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:22,142 Fine. But I'm only slowing down a little. 58 00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:32,717 This place is kinda scary. 59 00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:35,155 Want to buy a million dollar bill? 60 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,679 Whoa, you should keep that. 61 00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:39,594 Who knows how much it's worth! 62 00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:42,031 Then just give me all your money! 63 00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:45,600 No, I'm only gonna give you a little of my money. 64 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,863 Hey! Get out of here! 65 00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:51,301 Gosh, there are so many creeps on this street now. 66 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,694 I'm Tracy, by the way. 67 00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:53,912 I'm Jeff. 68 00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:56,350 Not that I had any say in it. 69 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:59,004 You know, Jeff, you impress me. 70 00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:01,224 It took guts saying "no" to that guy. 71 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:04,532 I don't ever let people tell me what to do anymore! 72 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,316 - Come with me. - Okay. 73 00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,102 What is this place? 74 00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:12,583 The land of opportunity. 75 00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:15,238 AKA the Langley Regional sales office 76 00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:19,460 for the Stretcharoo Leggings Corporation. 77 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,896 Eye-catching, right? 78 00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:23,203 And best of all, easy to sell. 79 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,379 Let me ask you all, what are your goals? 80 00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,337 To eat sal-mon. 81 00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:29,948 Yep, beat me to it. Salmon. Uh-huh. 82 00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:32,255 Eat salmon. 83 00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,648 And how many hours a day would you say 84 00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,780 you're eating salmon right now? 85 00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:38,261 - None. - Jesus. Really? 86 00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:41,003 What if I said there was a way for you 87 00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:44,789 to enjoy salmon every day of the week. 88 00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:47,270 How is that even possible? 89 00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:50,360 By selling the highest quality leggings known to man. 90 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,450 And not at some stuffy store in the mall. 91 00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:56,323 From the comfort of your own home 92 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:59,064 through direct peer-to-peer sales. 93 00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:00,414 Is this a pyramid scheme? 94 00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:01,589 Pyramid? 95 00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:04,069 Maybe in its shape and management structure 96 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,550 and day-to-day operations, but no! 97 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,596 It's multi-level marketing. 98 00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:11,729 And we're looking for hustlers with a killer instinct. 99 00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,688 I think that could be me. 100 00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:17,561 Hell yeah! I'm talkin' alphas who would never, 101 00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:20,564 never, ever, ever be a beta. 102 00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,305 Did I mention we have rewards weekends 103 00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:24,394 in tropical locations like... 104 00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,135 Cancun! 105 00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:29,312 With incredible prizes for our top salespeople! 106 00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:32,620 All you got to do is buy $5,000 of inventory today 107 00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,448 and commit to a recurring monthly purchase 108 00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:37,189 of a product that sells itself. 109 00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:40,976 So, are you ready to choose success? 110 00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:42,020 What do you think? 111 00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:44,327 Me? I'm in! 112 00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:45,720 Do you have cash? 113 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,462 Oh, man, I should have bought that guy's money! 114 00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:50,855 I do have this number card. 115 00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:52,683 Everybody take note! 116 00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:55,904 This is what an alpha looks like. 117 00:04:55,904 --> 00:04:58,080 Stop! 118 00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:02,214 I made another decision! 119 00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:03,259 Yeah, you did. 120 00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:05,653 I'm officially a salesman 121 00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:08,351 for the Stretcharoo Leggings Corporation. 122 00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,875 Stretcharoo? The pyramid scheme? 123 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:14,444 No, the multi-level marketing scheme. 124 00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:17,142 They sold me inventory. 125 00:05:17,142 --> 00:05:18,579 How much? 126 00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:22,104 A whole bunch of boxes for only like, 5,000 bucks! 127 00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:23,279 - Oof. - Five Gs? 128 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,498 Ay yi yi. 129 00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:26,413 Jeff, that was our life savings! 130 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,502 That's your life savings? 131 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,677 You live at home. 132 00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:30,982 Yeah, what's your monthly nut? 133 00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,375 That's not the issue! 134 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,377 Now come on, Jeff, we're getting our money back! 135 00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,031 No! I won't go! 136 00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,598 We can get a treat on the way. 137 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:40,296 That's more like it! 138 00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:46,433 My husband gave you our life savings, and I want it back! 139 00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,695 Right this way. 140 00:05:48,826 --> 00:05:49,827 Step into our 141 00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,176 Angry Spouse Holding Tank. 142 00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:52,264 Someone will be with you soon. 143 00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:54,179 Better be soon! 'Cause I'm angry! 144 00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:57,357 Over and over, the same Goddamn mistakes! 145 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,619 I could've married Al Roker! 146 00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,185 Had to make his own decisions. 147 00:06:00,185 --> 00:06:02,405 Ha! They always do. 148 00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,886 It is a good deal, though. The leggings? 149 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,758 80% margins. 150 00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:10,065 He's a mole, get him out of here! 151 00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:13,503 80% margins. 152 00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:16,985 80% margins, bitches. 153 00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:18,116 I am in. 154 00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:20,641 Welp, looks like the rest of us 155 00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:23,121 are gonna have to clean up this mess. 156 00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:25,907 I don't know how you did it, Jeff, 157 00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:28,997 but you stumbled ass-backwards into the deal of the century. 158 00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,172 We're in! 159 00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:32,653 Okay, let me just roll these D dice. 160 00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:36,700 And now match the numbers to the corresponding bible verse. 161 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:40,051 "As ye hear the sound of the trumpet... 162 00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:42,924 Absalom reigneth in Hebron..." 163 00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:45,230 That settles it! I'm on board, too! 164 00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:51,193 All right. Let's talk sales strategy. 165 00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:53,761 I was thinking we could do like a sales party, 166 00:06:53,761 --> 00:06:56,372 like a Tupperware party but with leggings? 167 00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:58,026 Yes, love it. 168 00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:01,159 I'm promoting you to Executive Vice President. 169 00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:03,597 Oh, we could film ourselves in our leggings 170 00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:05,250 and put it on Instagram! 171 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:08,732 Film? People love newspapers. Anyone else have ideas? 172 00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:11,605 What if we, like, go up to people somewhere 173 00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:13,520 with our leggings and-- 174 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,652 and ask them if they want to buy them? 175 00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:16,958 Back to [bleep] basics! 176 00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:18,046 That's what I'm talking about! 177 00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:19,351 Good job, Klaus! 178 00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:20,962 Nice exchange. 179 00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:23,660 Klaus and Steve are now Executive Vice Presidents. 180 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,532 Incredible decision, Mom. 181 00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:28,883 I'm promoting you to Executive Vice President! 182 00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,626 Throw me up as an EVP, too. 183 00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:35,890 What about me? Can I be an EVP? 184 00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:39,937 That would be nepotism, and that's just bad optics, Jeff. 185 00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:43,288 Are you kidding me?! This whole thing was my idea. 186 00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:46,161 Either make me the same as you guys, or I'm out! 187 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,253 I'm afraid it's a hard "no," Jeff. 188 00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:53,951 But you can still be part of our workforce. 189 00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:55,736 No! I'm out of here! 190 00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:57,868 - Come on, Babe. - Sorry, Jeff. 191 00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:58,956 I'm sticking with them. 192 00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:01,829 Oh, my God, dude! That's your wife! 193 00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:04,788 - Dad! - What? It was crazy! 194 00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,445 Mr. Fritz! 195 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:10,707 Glad you could make it. 196 00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,013 Happy to be here, Steve. 197 00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,449 This is my wife, Tonya Harding. 198 00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:14,842 Sorry, one sec. 199 00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,757 Stretcharoo leggings, go for Steve. 200 00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:20,021 You want how many?! 201 00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:22,153 Klaus, this guy wants a thousand units. 202 00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:24,068 A thousand units? 203 00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:26,462 Okay. 204 00:08:28,464 --> 00:08:30,118 I'm Klaus, by the way. 205 00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:32,381 Are you buying or not, Greg? 206 00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:35,558 What? I got your mail by accident. I just walked in. 207 00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:38,256 Yeah, and you didn't look so hot doin' it. 208 00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:40,215 You need a stretchier pant. 209 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:44,306 With a busy print to distract people from all this. 210 00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:47,657 Nice try, this is where I want people's attention. 211 00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:49,920 What the hell's going on? We're drowning! 212 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,575 Do I have to remind everyone how over-invested we are? 213 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,709 It's this friggin' crowd. They're a bunch of dick teases. 214 00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,711 That's why we got to MAPA-- 215 00:08:57,711 --> 00:09:00,540 maintain a party atmosphere. 216 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,281 Get 'em loose, and they'll be buying. 217 00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:05,022 Buckle's trying to escape! 218 00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:08,460 Through the kitchen, my Yiddish queen! 219 00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:12,552 Your leggings... 220 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,292 they're gorgeous. 221 00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:16,686 Yeah, I like the pineapples. 222 00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:20,603 Playful, yet honoring the contours of your body... 223 00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,170 I must have them! 224 00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,693 I'm wearing these. 225 00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,739 Why don't you buy a pair from Mrs. S? 226 00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:28,698 - What's going on here? - Jeff's poaching our clients! 227 00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:30,961 He lured Buckle in here with his body. 228 00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:32,441 I'm just sitting here! 229 00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:36,140 Wow, Jeff, you're trying to torpedo this event? 230 00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:37,925 A successful event? 231 00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:39,056 Screw it. 232 00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,102 Buckle, how much do you want to pay? 233 00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:42,190 How much were you thinking? 234 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,234 Sold! 235 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,758 Wow, Jeff. 236 00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:46,716 This isn't a game for us, Jeff. 237 00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:49,284 You've awakened a sleeping giant, Jeff. 238 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,634 A giant that will crush you and be crowned 239 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:54,158 Top Seller at the Cancun Rewards Weekend. 240 00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:57,161 Boom. How ya like that, Jeffy boy? 241 00:09:57,161 --> 00:10:00,338 I like that just fine, Mrs. S! 242 00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,645 'Cause I'm gonna crush you! 243 00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:04,647 I'm gonna murder you in your sleep! 244 00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:06,518 Oh, like that's so hard! 245 00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,216 Enough! No more talk. 246 00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,913 We'll see you at the rewards weekend. 247 00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,175 Yeah, you will-- 248 00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:13,525 Rewards weekend. 249 00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:21,403 Rewards weekend. 250 00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:27,191 Rewards weekend. 251 00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:28,453 Aah! 252 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,066 ♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪ 253 00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:34,808 Rewards weekend. 254 00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,901 Rewards weekend. 255 00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:46,558 Rewards weeke-- 256 00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,256 Aah! 257 00:10:57,265 --> 00:10:59,746 It's been a record breaking year, Stretcharoos! 258 00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,139 And it's all because of you! 259 00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:04,794 You decided to choose success! 260 00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:06,883 I thank you, my husband thanks you-- 261 00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,885 Jim, get on out here! 262 00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:11,235 Let's go! 263 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,717 Are we ready to party, Cancun?! 264 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,286 Now hold up, before we party, 265 00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:21,158 ol' Jim needs to get a little serious, y'all. 266 00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:24,640 I need to tell you a story about someone you know. 267 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,121 Me. We love you, Jim! 268 00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:28,339 Married! 269 00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:34,258 Before Stretcharoo, I was in a really toxic relationship. 270 00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:35,738 With my current wife, Deborah. 271 00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:39,786 We hated each other because we hadn't made 272 00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:42,745 the decision to choose success. 273 00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:45,705 But then Deborah saw a basket of tennis balls. 274 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,795 It was like a bolt of lightning hit her in the face. 275 00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:52,668 Our first Stretcharoos print, the iconic "Tenniz Ballz," 276 00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:53,843 was born. 277 00:11:57,673 --> 00:12:00,284 And our relationship was reborn 278 00:12:00,284 --> 00:12:02,591 because we chose success. 279 00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:05,594 Just as you chose success. 280 00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:07,509 Let's give it up. 281 00:12:07,509 --> 00:12:08,815 We love you, Jim! 282 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,860 Now the fun stuff! 283 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,297 The food tonight is bomb, so eat up. 284 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:14,821 Mmm-mm-mm! 285 00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,693 And then after dinner, we're gonna Lambada down 286 00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,564 to the beach for the after party. 287 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:22,089 There's gonna be a bonfire, a s'mores cart. 288 00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:23,264 An astronomer. 289 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,135 Oh, my God, the astronomer! 290 00:12:25,135 --> 00:12:27,137 Okay, I think it's award time. 291 00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:30,010 Top new salesperson, let's do it! 292 00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:31,663 And the winner is... 293 00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:36,407 - Jeff Fischer! - Jeff Fischer! 294 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:39,671 What?! 295 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:42,936 Did you never consider this possibility, Stan? 296 00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:44,764 We had no sales! 297 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,766 - Zero! - What?! 298 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,680 And, Klaus, you knew this? 299 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:52,075 Me? You're the one who set up a conference call last week 300 00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:54,991 and just kept screaming, "The ship is sinking!" 301 00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:57,602 And how about your prize? 302 00:12:57,602 --> 00:13:01,389 A brand new Brookstone Massage Chair! 303 00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:07,699 Tell us, Jeff, what was the secret to your success? 304 00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:12,704 Good decisions. 305 00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:15,969 Now we got one more surprise, and it's a good'un. 306 00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,709 Get hyped for... 307 00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,059 - Pitbull! - Pitbull! 308 00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:23,541 Dale mi gente, let's give it up for Jiggity Jeff! 309 00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:25,239 This biggity boy should be priggity proud! 310 00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,154 -♪ It's goin' down ♪ -♪ It's goin' down ♪ 311 00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,243 -♪ I'm yellin' timber ♪ -♪ I'm yellin' timber ♪ 312 00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:30,984 -♪ You better move ♪ -♪ You better move ♪ 313 00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,637 -♪ You better dance ♪ -♪ You better dance ♪ 314 00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:35,858 And, guys, Pitbull is contractually obligated 315 00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,774 to stick around for a half hour of the after-party! 316 00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:41,559 ♪ Whoo-ooh ♪ 317 00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:48,828 Whoa, look at that star! 318 00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,047 Wow. 319 00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:53,006 Pitbull's been here for five minutes 320 00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:55,138 longer than his contract requires. 321 00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:57,445 He must be enjoying Jeff! 322 00:13:57,445 --> 00:14:01,579 Maybe he'd be enjoying us if Stan sold some leggings! 323 00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:03,190 Me?! What about you?! 324 00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:06,758 I married you because I thought you could sell! 325 00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:08,064 That's why I married you! 326 00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,674 Pitbull's feeding Jeff a s'more now. 327 00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:11,198 Enough! I'm going over there 328 00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,330 and giving him a piece of my mind! 329 00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:15,898 Hey! 330 00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:17,334 Please help us, Jeff! 331 00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:19,336 Things are going so bad! 332 00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:21,208 Our finances are in ruins! 333 00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,079 Our emotions suck, too. 334 00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:25,516 Stan and I are sleeping in separate beds. 335 00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:26,866 We all are! 336 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:30,086 We're sorry, Jeff. Please guide us. 337 00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:39,269 Okay, I'll do it. 338 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:44,274 How you liking that telescope, Armando? 339 00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:46,233 That's right, I looked you up. 340 00:14:50,411 --> 00:14:53,805 Jeff, I feel like a kid on his first day of university. 341 00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:56,896 A sponge, ready to soak up your deep knowledge 342 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,158 of selling tights! 343 00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,637 They're leggings. 344 00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:03,163 Holy moly, class is in session. 345 00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:05,730 I'm just happy we're finally a team. 346 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,384 Now everyone has a say. 347 00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:08,603 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 348 00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:10,431 - We don't want a say. - You don't? 349 00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:12,824 No way. Our ideas are shit. 350 00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:15,044 We want you to tell us what to do. 351 00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:16,393 Okay. 352 00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:18,395 Come on, hit us with those nuggets! 353 00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:20,267 Your top sales techniques. 354 00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:23,966 I guess always be an alpha? 355 00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:27,535 Yeah. Never, ever, ever be a beta! 356 00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:29,754 Not even sometimes? 357 00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:31,234 No. 358 00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:34,237 What are some of the actual things you did to sell? 359 00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:35,456 Mmm, good Q, Hayley. 360 00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:37,458 Some concrete examples that could save us 361 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:40,940 from financial ruin could be helpful. 362 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,899 Would you excuse me for a sec? 363 00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:45,161 I should call the bank. 364 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:46,597 They've been trying real hard to reach me. 365 00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:50,123 What's up, bud? 366 00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:51,602 What are you doing? 367 00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:53,953 Upper deckin' the toilet. What's new with you? 368 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,216 What's new is I'm a fraud. 369 00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:58,609 Everyone's a fraud, Jeff. Be more specific. 370 00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,785 I made up all my sales, Roger! 371 00:16:00,785 --> 00:16:04,354 I've been buying inventory then writing fake receipts. 372 00:16:04,354 --> 00:16:06,008 How'd you buy so much inventory? 373 00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:07,531 I robbed a bank. 374 00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,316 Wow, impressive. 375 00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:12,014 I can't make decisions for the family, 376 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,756 I can't even make decisions for myself. 377 00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:17,715 I'm just gonna come clean and tell them everything. 378 00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:20,849 You could do that and prove everyone right. 379 00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:23,678 Or you could make your lie true. 380 00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:26,159 You just need one big, good decision 381 00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,551 to make everything right. 382 00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:30,902 Ah, dangit, I dropped my phone. 383 00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:32,208 So what's it gonna be? 384 00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:33,296 I'm gonna-- 385 00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:35,298 Don't tell me. I don't care. 386 00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:38,475 And, Jeff, don't tell anyone about the upper decking. 387 00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:40,651 It'll make my joke less funny. 388 00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:43,393 Jeff, Francine's being a beta. 389 00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,482 Ah! 390 00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:48,485 One good decision. 391 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:51,314 What are you doing with your eyes? 392 00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:54,317 I'm looking for stuff. 393 00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:57,146 Should we be looking for stuff, too? 394 00:16:57,146 --> 00:17:00,149 I have a ton of leggings. 395 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:04,849 I mean, you guys have a ton of leggings to get rid of. 396 00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:08,288 So I'm thinking we need something big. 397 00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:15,947 Wait a minute. The game! 398 00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:17,862 You thinking massive FanDuel bet? 399 00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:20,517 Mr. S, can you get some helicopters? 400 00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:23,085 Sure, I still know some guys at the CIA. 401 00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,913 ♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪ 402 00:17:33,530 --> 00:17:35,097 It all comes down to this. 403 00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:39,188 If Shiballski makes this kick, the Sharks win the championship! 404 00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:42,278 The ball is snapped, the kick is up, it's... 405 00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:44,106 ...blown wide by six 406 00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:47,544 cargo helicopters that appear to be dropping what appear to be 407 00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:50,069 low-quality leggings on the heartbroken crowd! 408 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:54,029 Sharks lose! Suck it, Sharks! 409 00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:57,163 Cyber Moles forever! 410 00:17:57,163 --> 00:18:00,079 Now all we have to do is wait for them 411 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,125 to send in their payments with all the self-addressed 412 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,301 envelopes we attached! 413 00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:11,568 Here's your mail. 414 00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:13,396 It's just a tree-trimming flyer. 415 00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,006 Damn. 416 00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:17,661 Actually, let me see that. 417 00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:20,186 They just stole all our leggings? 418 00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:26,801 No one wants your shitty leggings. 419 00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:30,500 Here's a big-ass bill for the cleanup. 420 00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:39,030 This is all my fault! 421 00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,510 No, it's my fault! 422 00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:42,338 I'm a fraud! 423 00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:44,471 I didn't sell any leggings! 424 00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:48,344 All my sales receipts were made up! 425 00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,738 Oh, wow, we should've done that. 426 00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:54,133 I just wanted to prove you all wrong, 427 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,657 show you I could make good decisions. 428 00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:59,616 I ruined this family! 429 00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:01,444 And I robbed a bank! 430 00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:03,707 Cool. 431 00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:06,493 Put me out of my misery! 432 00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:08,103 Kill me! 433 00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:11,628 Cut off my head and don't call an ambulance! 434 00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:13,456 Core team, huddle up. 435 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:20,550 Sorry, Jeff, that's not going to be possible right now. 436 00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:24,989 You made some bad decisions, but we all did. 437 00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:26,948 This is not your fault. 438 00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:28,558 It's not really any of our faults. 439 00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:31,213 - What do you mean? - I don't know. 440 00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:34,695 No, you're right, it's not our faults. 441 00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:38,568 I'll tell you whose fault it is-- multi-level marketing! 442 00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:41,267 Yeah, they lure you in with big promises 443 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:44,226 and self-improvement jargon, and then they suck you dry. 444 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,488 Who sucks you dry? 445 00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:47,055 They prey on suckers! 446 00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:48,317 Like us. 447 00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:50,058 And the only way to get out of it 448 00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:52,582 is to find an even bigger sucker. 449 00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:59,894 Ding-dang! 80% margins? I feel like a thief! 450 00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:02,897 Now you sure you want to sell me all these gorgeous leggings? 451 00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:04,638 I mean, they're gorgeous! 452 00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:05,682 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 453 00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:06,727 - Yep. - Yes. 454 00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:07,902 - Definitely. - Please take them. 455 00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:10,252 Money's been tight lately. Ma moved in. 456 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,514 She's sick. 457 00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:12,863 The medical bills are crippling what with 458 00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:15,214 the dialysis every day. Don't ask. 459 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,694 But with this new revenue stream, 460 00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,696 our prayers have been answered! 461 00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:25,485 God, I'm so happy I could sing! 462 00:20:25,485 --> 00:20:27,878 ♪ It's goin' down ♪ 463 00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:30,185 ♪ I'm yellin' timber! ♪ 464 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,624 I'd like to propose a toast. 465 00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:37,105 Thanks for letting me order the "sal-man." 466 00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:40,239 Not really a toast, but I'll drink to it. 467 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,724 Here. Have half my sandwich. 468 00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,291 Thanks, Babe. 469 00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:53,295 You know, I guess I have made one really good decision. 470 00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:54,644 My wife! 471 00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,211 Aww. 472 00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:58,257 Have a great night!