1
00:00:00,970 --> 00:00:02,404
(upbeat March plays)
2
00:00:02,471 --> 00:00:05,240
¶ good morning, usa! ¶
3
00:00:05,308 --> 00:00:09,177
¶ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ¶
4
00:00:09,245 --> 00:00:12,113
¶ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ¶
5
00:00:12,181 --> 00:00:16,284
¶ and he's shining a salute
to the american race ¶
6
00:00:18,354 --> 00:00:21,256
¶ oh, boy, it's swell to say ¶
7
00:00:21,324 --> 00:00:22,891
¶ good morning, usa. ¶
8
00:00:22,958 --> 00:00:25,260
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
9
00:00:35,571 --> 00:00:37,439
Dad, dad, dad!
Stan, stan!
Dad, dad!
10
00:00:37,506 --> 00:00:39,140
Stan, stan the man!
You'll never
believe it!
11
00:00:39,208 --> 00:00:40,675
I've got something
really big!
You're gonna (bleep).
12
00:00:40,743 --> 00:00:42,510
You're all gonna (bleep).
One at a time.
13
00:00:42,578 --> 00:00:44,979
Stan, the new tv guide came,
and you'll never guess what--
14
00:00:45,047 --> 00:00:46,848
Barbra does celine.
15
00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,717
Barbra does celine!
Huh?
16
00:00:48,784 --> 00:00:51,853
Barbra streisand will be singing
the songs of celine dion
17
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:54,289
In a one-night-only,
live pay-per-view event!
18
00:00:54,357 --> 00:00:55,824
I don't think barbra
has the range
19
00:00:55,891 --> 00:00:57,192
To sing celine's songs.
20
00:00:57,259 --> 00:00:58,760
Shut your mouth,
you stupid bitch.
21
00:00:58,828 --> 00:01:00,695
So, listen, I'm going
to need all your support
22
00:01:00,763 --> 00:01:02,764
To make sure everything
goes smoothly for me.
23
00:01:02,832 --> 00:01:04,632
This could be the best night
of my life,
24
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:06,234
And I don't want
to have any regrets.
25
00:01:06,302 --> 00:01:08,103
Like when I had the chance
to take ecstasy
26
00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:09,804
At the 2003 tony awards
and didn't.
27
00:01:09,872 --> 00:01:11,339
I should have,
but I was sitting
28
00:01:11,407 --> 00:01:13,341
Next to alan cummings,
and I got scared.
29
00:01:13,409 --> 00:01:14,743
Whatever. Hayley,
you're up.
30
00:01:14,810 --> 00:01:16,311
So, I think
I finally figured out
31
00:01:16,379 --> 00:01:18,046
Why you never want
to talk to me.
32
00:01:18,114 --> 00:01:19,381
Next. Somebody
go next.
33
00:01:19,448 --> 00:01:21,316
Dad, you know how I've
been working really hard
34
00:01:21,384 --> 00:01:23,952
With my a cappella group,
here comes treble?
Hmm.
35
00:01:24,019 --> 00:01:27,188
My music teacher selected me
to sing the national anthem
36
00:01:27,256 --> 00:01:29,791
At the langley falls
veterans day celebration!
37
00:01:29,859 --> 00:01:31,393
That's fantastic!
38
00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:34,562
My boy singing the
greatest song ever written
39
00:01:34,630 --> 00:01:38,133
To the greatest men ever
made: American soldiers.
40
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,401
Steve, serenade me.
41
00:01:39,468 --> 00:01:40,769
(clears throat)
42
00:01:40,836 --> 00:01:42,871
(soulfully):
¶ oh-ho, ho ¶
43
00:01:42,938 --> 00:01:45,407
¶ say, can you ¶
44
00:01:45,474 --> 00:01:48,843
¶ see-hee-hee-hee, hee... ¶
45
00:01:48,911 --> 00:01:50,412
Steven, what the hell?
46
00:01:50,479 --> 00:01:52,213
Did you just watch
the wiz or something?
47
00:01:52,281 --> 00:01:54,315
I'm just putting
some personal flavor on it.
48
00:01:54,383 --> 00:01:55,884
Just sing it like
a normal person.
49
00:01:55,951 --> 00:01:57,886
¶ oh, oh, say-- ¶
50
00:01:57,953 --> 00:01:59,120
Okay, got it--
still sucks.
51
00:01:59,188 --> 00:02:00,755
I thought it was great.
52
00:02:00,823 --> 00:02:03,224
Have you been standing
there the whole time?
53
00:02:03,292 --> 00:02:04,926
That's weird.
54
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:06,594
I had no idea
you were there.
55
00:02:09,331 --> 00:02:11,099
Anyway, steve,
it's fine,
56
00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:13,668
But not nearly good enough
for the ears of veterans.
57
00:02:13,736 --> 00:02:15,570
Tell you what, I'll take
the next couple days
58
00:02:15,638 --> 00:02:17,672
Off work, and we'll get
that song just right.
59
00:02:17,740 --> 00:02:18,773
Thanks, dad.
60
00:02:18,841 --> 00:02:20,175
I don't want
to mess this up.
61
00:02:20,242 --> 00:02:21,943
No, you really don't.
62
00:02:22,011 --> 00:02:24,679
Now, go upstairs and line
your throat with vaseline.
63
00:02:24,747 --> 00:02:26,147
Makes your voice
come out smoother.
64
00:02:26,215 --> 00:02:28,082
It's an old
elton john trick.
65
00:02:28,150 --> 00:02:29,951
(whistling joyfully)
66
00:02:32,188 --> 00:02:36,558
(bird twittering tune)
67
00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:40,728
(both whistling tune)
68
00:02:40,796 --> 00:02:42,697
(twittering tune)
69
00:02:42,765 --> 00:02:43,832
(gasps and groans)
70
00:02:43,899 --> 00:02:45,300
Annoying!
Both of you.
71
00:02:45,367 --> 00:02:46,701
I love your new pet.
72
00:02:46,769 --> 00:02:48,002
It's not a pet, silly.
73
00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,337
It's my meal for
the big night.
74
00:02:49,405 --> 00:02:50,405
(gasps) roger!
75
00:02:50,473 --> 00:02:52,507
You can't kill
this sweet bird.
76
00:02:52,575 --> 00:02:54,242
It's an ortolan, francine--
77
00:02:54,310 --> 00:02:56,177
The ultimate french delicacy.
78
00:02:56,245 --> 00:02:58,546
It so sinfully decadent
that you eat it
79
00:02:58,614 --> 00:03:01,316
Under a napkin
to hide your sin from god.
80
00:03:01,383 --> 00:03:03,384
And I only trust
you to cook it.
81
00:03:03,452 --> 00:03:04,419
(gasps)
82
00:03:04,487 --> 00:03:05,753
I'm honored.
83
00:03:05,821 --> 00:03:06,855
Here's the recipe.
84
00:03:06,922 --> 00:03:08,423
You actually drown
it in amaretto,
85
00:03:08,491 --> 00:03:10,458
Then save its life
using bird cpr,
86
00:03:10,526 --> 00:03:12,026
Then refill the pot
with crème de menthe
87
00:03:12,094 --> 00:03:13,428
And drown it again.
88
00:03:13,496 --> 00:03:15,396
There is something so sweet
about your hair today.
89
00:03:15,464 --> 00:03:16,598
I love it.
90
00:03:16,665 --> 00:03:18,299
Thank you.
91
00:03:18,367 --> 00:03:22,136
¶ by the dawn's
early light... ¶
92
00:03:22,204 --> 00:03:23,771
Stop. Take a break.
93
00:03:23,839 --> 00:03:25,640
I got to shake my head
in disappointment
94
00:03:25,708 --> 00:03:26,708
For five minutes.
95
00:03:28,310 --> 00:03:30,712
So, stan, I tried to order
barbra does celine
96
00:03:30,779 --> 00:03:32,180
On pay-per-view,
but it was locked.
97
00:03:32,248 --> 00:03:33,314
I need the code.
98
00:03:33,382 --> 00:03:34,549
How much is it?
It's priceless,
99
00:03:34,617 --> 00:03:36,384
But to order it,
it's four ninety-nine.
100
00:03:36,452 --> 00:03:38,853
I guess we can add
five more bucks to your tab.
101
00:03:38,921 --> 00:03:40,154
(laughing):
Five dollars?
102
00:03:40,222 --> 00:03:41,523
For barbra does celine?
103
00:03:41,590 --> 00:03:42,624
No!
104
00:03:42,691 --> 00:03:44,659
Oh, no, ridiculous.
105
00:03:44,727 --> 00:03:46,828
No, four hundred
and ninety-nine dollars.
106
00:03:46,896 --> 00:03:49,264
Streisand comes expensive
or she doesn't come at all.
107
00:03:49,331 --> 00:03:50,798
Forget it!
108
00:03:50,866 --> 00:03:52,867
I wouldn't pay that much
to see barbra do celine.
109
00:03:52,935 --> 00:03:54,135
Or would I?
110
00:03:54,203 --> 00:03:55,870
Maybe if I was in the room
with them,
111
00:03:55,938 --> 00:03:57,071
Peeking from behind the curtain,
112
00:03:57,139 --> 00:03:58,840
And they didn't know
I was there.
113
00:03:58,908 --> 00:04:00,875
How would it appear
on my credit card bill?
114
00:04:00,943 --> 00:04:02,176
No, no, stan, focus.
115
00:04:02,244 --> 00:04:03,411
Here's the deal.
116
00:04:03,479 --> 00:04:05,513
You and I both know
I'm going to get
117
00:04:05,581 --> 00:04:07,749
That pay-per-view code
one way or another,
118
00:04:07,816 --> 00:04:10,084
So you might as well
just give it to me now
119
00:04:10,152 --> 00:04:12,220
And avoid happy hour
at shenanigans.
120
00:04:12,288 --> 00:04:13,788
No.
Fine.
121
00:04:13,856 --> 00:04:15,089
Let it begin.
122
00:04:15,157 --> 00:04:17,058
Crab walk!
123
00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:18,860
Should've played ball.
124
00:04:20,396 --> 00:04:23,264
Steve:
¶ the rockets' red glare ¶
125
00:04:23,332 --> 00:04:24,332
No!
126
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,034
I've been in the shower
all night.
127
00:04:26,101 --> 00:04:27,735
Yeah, I don't get it--
I thought people
128
00:04:27,803 --> 00:04:29,370
Were supposed to sing
better in the shower.
129
00:04:29,438 --> 00:04:30,471
I don't know.
130
00:04:30,539 --> 00:04:31,806
Maybe the problem
isn't you.
131
00:04:31,874 --> 00:04:34,642
Maybe... Maybe I'm not
a great vocal coach.
132
00:04:34,710 --> 00:04:36,010
God, could that be?
133
00:04:36,078 --> 00:04:37,612
No, dad, it's me.
134
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,414
I just need
to sing harder.
135
00:04:39,481 --> 00:04:40,848
No, it's more
than that.
136
00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:42,250
There something
missing,
137
00:04:42,318 --> 00:04:45,253
Something empty and soulless
about your performance.
138
00:04:45,321 --> 00:04:46,688
Hmm.
139
00:04:46,755 --> 00:04:48,022
(snaps fingers)
that's it.
140
00:04:48,090 --> 00:04:50,458
See, steve, the national
anthem is about war,
141
00:04:50,526 --> 00:04:52,093
And you'll never
be able to sing it
142
00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:53,661
Until you've
been to war.
143
00:04:53,729 --> 00:04:55,096
Can you expand
on that idea?
144
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,297
Certainly.
145
00:04:56,365 --> 00:04:57,832
Take the song,
"love in a elevator."
146
00:04:57,900 --> 00:04:59,133
The reason
it's so good
147
00:04:59,201 --> 00:05:00,802
Is because steven
tyler actually lived
148
00:05:00,869 --> 00:05:02,503
In an elevator the
summer he wrote it.
149
00:05:02,571 --> 00:05:04,205
But the song's called
"love in an elevator",
150
00:05:04,273 --> 00:05:05,607
Not "live
in an elevator".
151
00:05:05,674 --> 00:05:08,009
Steve, he's a rock star
living in kick-ass elevator.
152
00:05:08,077 --> 00:05:09,310
You don't think
he's getting laid?
153
00:05:09,378 --> 00:05:11,245
Oh, and it's
summertime.
154
00:05:13,882 --> 00:05:15,383
Some of my
nra buddies
155
00:05:15,451 --> 00:05:17,118
Rent this golf
course once a month.
156
00:05:17,186 --> 00:05:18,953
Since you can't
go to a real war,
157
00:05:19,021 --> 00:05:20,788
A reenactment is the
next best thing.
158
00:05:20,856 --> 00:05:23,424
I've always wanted to go
to a civil war reenactment.
159
00:05:23,492 --> 00:05:24,959
It's not a civil
war reenactment.
160
00:05:25,027 --> 00:05:26,294
Those things are
for historians
161
00:05:26,362 --> 00:05:27,595
And people who
hate blacks.
162
00:05:27,663 --> 00:05:29,797
These guys are
hardcore reenactors.
163
00:05:29,865 --> 00:05:31,432
(heavy gunfire)
164
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,334
(explosions and gunfire)
165
00:05:36,138 --> 00:05:37,538
(groans)
166
00:05:37,606 --> 00:05:39,073
Get down!
167
00:05:39,141 --> 00:05:40,074
(explosion)
168
00:05:40,142 --> 00:05:41,843
(screams) where are we?
169
00:05:41,910 --> 00:05:43,645
You in vietnam, bitches!
170
00:06:10,042 --> 00:06:12,477
We're reenacting
the vietnam war?
171
00:06:12,545 --> 00:06:15,079
This chopper will take
you to base camp.
172
00:06:15,147 --> 00:06:16,748
(man imitating whirring
helicopter blades)
173
00:06:16,815 --> 00:06:17,982
Get in!
174
00:06:18,050 --> 00:06:19,317
(continues imitating helicopter)
175
00:06:19,385 --> 00:06:21,219
(gunfire)
176
00:06:22,621 --> 00:06:23,655
(screams)
177
00:06:28,794 --> 00:06:30,361
Platoon, gather round!
178
00:06:31,830 --> 00:06:33,565
The vietcong may be making
their move tonight.
179
00:06:33,632 --> 00:06:34,866
We need a watchman.
180
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:36,601
Dad.
Steve will do it.
181
00:06:36,669 --> 00:06:38,836
We're counting on
you tonight, steve!
182
00:06:38,904 --> 00:06:40,838
Here, I'll even loan
you my lucky machete.
183
00:06:40,906 --> 00:06:42,240
A permanent marker?
184
00:06:42,308 --> 00:06:43,741
Use it like a knife.
185
00:06:43,809 --> 00:06:47,812
Leave the blade in the sheath
so it doesn't get dull.
186
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,014
Leave the cap on so
it doesn't dry out.
(whispering):
187
00:06:53,319 --> 00:06:56,120
Dad, I don't know if I
can stand watch all night.
188
00:06:56,188 --> 00:06:58,590
You've kept me up for the past
two days practicing singing.
189
00:06:58,657 --> 00:07:01,426
Steve, this is an opportunity
to step up and be a hero.
190
00:07:01,493 --> 00:07:02,727
Then, you'll know
what it takes
191
00:07:02,795 --> 00:07:04,529
To really sing
our national anthem.
192
00:07:04,597 --> 00:07:06,364
Radio me if you
have any problems.
193
00:07:06,432 --> 00:07:07,632
I'll do my best, dad.
194
00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,434
I want more
than your best, steve.
195
00:07:09,501 --> 00:07:12,537
For once, I want you
to do fine.
196
00:07:14,707 --> 00:07:19,444
(fading):
¶ by the dawn's early light... ¶
197
00:07:19,511 --> 00:07:22,814
(louder):
¶ what so proudly... ¶
198
00:07:22,881 --> 00:07:23,881
(crickets chirping)
199
00:07:25,384 --> 00:07:27,218
(piercing scream)
200
00:07:30,389 --> 00:07:33,558
(sporadic gunfire,
men screaming)
201
00:07:39,765 --> 00:07:41,332
(sobbing)
202
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,334
(yelling)
203
00:07:44,303 --> 00:07:45,703
Steve, what happened?!
204
00:07:45,771 --> 00:07:47,839
Man, what a letdown.
205
00:07:49,241 --> 00:07:51,709
You'll be killed if you go
into that jungle, man!
206
00:07:51,777 --> 00:07:54,145
Hey, my hand on fire?
207
00:07:54,213 --> 00:07:55,713
What? N-no.
208
00:07:55,781 --> 00:07:57,782
Good, then it's the acid.
209
00:07:57,850 --> 00:08:00,418
This seemed like the perfect
time to do acid.
210
00:08:00,486 --> 00:08:01,519
Dead.
211
00:08:01,587 --> 00:08:03,021
Everyone's dead!
212
00:08:04,757 --> 00:08:07,425
Their spirits are dancing
all around us
213
00:08:07,493 --> 00:08:09,694
Poppin' and lockin', mostly!
214
00:08:09,762 --> 00:08:11,996
Everyone calm down!
215
00:08:12,064 --> 00:08:14,098
I have been in
two war reenactments,
216
00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:16,868
And you men will be safe
if you stick with me.
217
00:08:16,935 --> 00:08:19,120
(screaming)
218
00:08:20,469 --> 00:08:21,269
No!
219
00:08:21,337 --> 00:08:22,305
We gotta get out of here, man.
220
00:08:22,306 --> 00:08:26,306
Let's just go to the snackstop
and get some real cheese, man.
221
00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:28,307
No, we have to save my dad.
222
00:08:28,372 --> 00:08:29,639
I let him down.
223
00:08:29,707 --> 00:08:31,241
Dad, can you hear me?
224
00:08:31,309 --> 00:08:33,743
Steve, it's dark and wet.
225
00:08:33,811 --> 00:08:35,212
There's golf carts.
226
00:08:35,279 --> 00:08:36,680
You have to save...
227
00:08:36,747 --> 00:08:38,715
(man speaking
fake vietnamese)
228
00:08:38,783 --> 00:08:42,152
Sounds like he's in a
holding cell at nangangbang.
229
00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:45,055
The caddy shack.
230
00:08:45,123 --> 00:08:47,290
Then that's where
we're headed.
231
00:08:47,358 --> 00:08:49,426
Woman:
Excuse me!
232
00:08:49,494 --> 00:08:52,629
Do you know where the
horizon room is?
233
00:08:52,697 --> 00:08:55,599
We don't know; we're
from baltimore.
234
00:08:55,666 --> 00:08:57,634
Thank you.
235
00:08:57,702 --> 00:09:00,971
Marty! It's this way!
236
00:09:01,038 --> 00:09:04,040
The man told me
it's this way!
237
00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:06,510
You're going
the wrong way!
238
00:09:06,577 --> 00:09:08,545
Man: I heard you
the first time!
239
00:09:10,281 --> 00:09:12,082
(speaking vietnamese)
240
00:09:14,719 --> 00:09:16,319
(speaking vietnamese)
241
00:09:18,222 --> 00:09:20,023
Roger, let me go.
242
00:09:20,091 --> 00:09:21,224
(door creaking)
243
00:09:21,292 --> 00:09:23,226
You give me code now! Now!
244
00:09:23,294 --> 00:09:25,495
Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!
245
00:09:25,563 --> 00:09:27,030
Codey now, now!
246
00:09:27,098 --> 00:09:28,498
Now, now, now!
247
00:09:28,566 --> 00:09:31,334
(mimics three stooges):
Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh!
248
00:09:31,402 --> 00:09:33,503
Eh, wise guy, huh?
249
00:09:33,571 --> 00:09:35,172
Roger, stop!
250
00:09:35,239 --> 00:09:36,973
I'm never going to give you
that pay-per-view code.
251
00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:38,775
We see...
252
00:09:40,778 --> 00:09:42,712
This is michael patrick king's
253
00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:44,948
First draft of the
sex and the city movie.
254
00:09:45,016 --> 00:09:47,117
It's 700 pages.
255
00:09:49,287 --> 00:09:50,754
(clears throat)
256
00:09:50,821 --> 00:09:53,657
"you guys know that young
firefighter I did last night?
257
00:09:53,724 --> 00:09:56,893
"well, his hose spattered all
over my european mosaic floor
258
00:09:56,961 --> 00:09:58,361
"and I slipped in it.
259
00:09:58,429 --> 00:09:59,596
"but it's okay, girls,
260
00:09:59,664 --> 00:10:01,131
"because I landed
square on the rabbit
261
00:10:01,199 --> 00:10:03,266
"and found out, what's up, doc?
262
00:10:03,334 --> 00:10:04,868
"carrie vo:
263
00:10:04,936 --> 00:10:07,003
"samantha's story
made me wonder:
264
00:10:07,071 --> 00:10:10,574
"if I slipped, would big
be there to catch me?"
265
00:10:10,641 --> 00:10:12,676
(screaming)
266
00:10:12,743 --> 00:10:14,778
Steve:
It was just
the three of us now.
267
00:10:14,845 --> 00:10:18,848
We were headed up fanangong
river towards gobbley goo bay.
268
00:10:18,916 --> 00:10:23,019
But to get there, we'd have
to go through the 13th fairway.
269
00:10:23,087 --> 00:10:26,089
Freshly fertilized,
we were in the poo.
270
00:10:28,326 --> 00:10:30,126
Soldier:
Pine cones are grenades!
271
00:10:31,495 --> 00:10:33,597
(screaming)
272
00:10:33,664 --> 00:10:34,798
Crap.
273
00:10:34,865 --> 00:10:37,033
Boom!
(yelling, groaning)
274
00:10:37,101 --> 00:10:38,301
My legs!
275
00:10:38,369 --> 00:10:41,104
It blew off my damn legs!
276
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:42,572
You can make it, buckle!
277
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,441
No, I's done.
278
00:10:44,508 --> 00:10:45,775
Take me out.
279
00:10:45,843 --> 00:10:47,077
I-I can't!
280
00:10:47,144 --> 00:10:50,113
Take the shot!
281
00:10:50,181 --> 00:10:51,281
Not the face!
282
00:10:51,349 --> 00:10:54,050
Oh, my god, that hurt!
283
00:10:54,118 --> 00:10:57,887
Ow! Ow!
284
00:10:57,955 --> 00:11:00,257
Oh, no, it still hurts!
285
00:11:00,324 --> 00:11:01,791
What were we doing here?
286
00:11:01,859 --> 00:11:05,362
Was it worth it
just to become better singers?
287
00:11:05,429 --> 00:11:06,830
The only thing
that made sense anymore
288
00:11:06,897 --> 00:11:10,533
Was my mission: Save dad.
289
00:11:10,601 --> 00:11:13,303
¶ ¶
290
00:11:13,371 --> 00:11:15,505
And I was alone.
291
00:11:17,108 --> 00:11:18,441
In hell.
292
00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:28,585
Damn it!
Stan gave me a fake code!
293
00:11:28,653 --> 00:11:30,687
Well, good thing
I still have him tied up.
294
00:11:30,755 --> 00:11:33,857
And you know I still have
my funny hat and shirt.
295
00:11:33,924 --> 00:11:35,191
I know the code.
296
00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:36,459
You will give it to me!
297
00:11:36,527 --> 00:11:38,261
I will, for the bird.
298
00:11:38,329 --> 00:11:39,496
I want it set free.
299
00:11:39,563 --> 00:11:40,864
Fine!
300
00:11:42,199 --> 00:11:43,366
(bird chirping)
301
00:11:43,434 --> 00:11:44,601
You got what you want.
302
00:11:44,669 --> 00:11:45,769
Now give me that code.
303
00:11:45,836 --> 00:11:47,103
4812.
304
00:11:48,839 --> 00:11:50,273
4812?!
305
00:11:50,341 --> 00:11:52,642
Wait, he used my pant size?
306
00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:54,377
Ugh, I'm disgusting.
307
00:11:55,846 --> 00:11:58,248
Sorry, hayley, roger tricked me.
308
00:11:58,316 --> 00:12:00,583
He said he was gonna
dress me up as. Mr. Wendal
309
00:12:00,651 --> 00:12:02,619
From the
arrested development song.
310
00:12:02,687 --> 00:12:04,087
Give me the
real bird, roger.
311
00:12:04,155 --> 00:12:05,422
Where is it?
312
00:12:05,489 --> 00:12:11,795
¶ ¶
313
00:12:11,862 --> 00:12:14,898
¶ ¶
(bird chirping)
314
00:12:14,965 --> 00:12:16,700
(francine singing,
bird chirping)
315
00:12:17,835 --> 00:12:19,169
Don't!
316
00:12:28,379 --> 00:12:31,948
¶ ¶
317
00:12:42,159 --> 00:12:43,993
(hissing)
318
00:12:45,663 --> 00:12:47,764
(yelling)
319
00:12:50,501 --> 00:12:52,902
(yelling, groaning)
320
00:12:52,970 --> 00:12:54,137
(both coughing)
321
00:12:54,205 --> 00:12:55,572
(yelling)
322
00:12:55,639 --> 00:12:59,142
Your chin is right
on my hipbone, kevin.
323
00:13:02,113 --> 00:13:04,748
Please, give me some rice.
324
00:13:04,815 --> 00:13:06,282
I'll do anything.
325
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:09,319
I'll make you feel good.
326
00:13:10,521 --> 00:13:12,255
Steve, you did it!
327
00:13:12,323 --> 00:13:13,556
You saved me.
328
00:13:13,624 --> 00:13:14,491
I'm so proud of you!
329
00:13:19,397 --> 00:13:22,565
(mimics whirring
helicopter blades)
330
00:13:22,633 --> 00:13:25,602
(melancholic tune plays)
331
00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:34,778
(cell phone ringing)
332
00:13:34,845 --> 00:13:36,679
(whispering):
I'll call you back.
333
00:13:38,582 --> 00:13:39,816
You should have seen him.
334
00:13:39,884 --> 00:13:41,751
My boy, the war hero.
335
00:13:41,819 --> 00:13:43,520
Steve's gonna sing
the crap out of that
336
00:13:43,587 --> 00:13:45,155
National anthem now,
aren't you, steve?
337
00:13:47,124 --> 00:13:49,993
Did you have fun at the
reenactment, honey?
338
00:13:50,060 --> 00:13:53,463
That's right, real war heroes
don't need to talk about it.
339
00:13:53,531 --> 00:13:55,532
The same way I don't
talk about all the "tang"
340
00:13:55,599 --> 00:13:58,568
I got in college,
out of respect for my wife.
341
00:13:58,636 --> 00:14:00,336
Tons.
342
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:04,507
Now, folks, we have
a very special
343
00:14:04,575 --> 00:14:06,409
Young man here tonight
who has the voice an angel.
344
00:14:06,477 --> 00:14:09,312
Let's hope
it's not the hell's angels!
345
00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:10,613
(laughter, cymbal clashes)
346
00:14:10,681 --> 00:14:11,981
Please welcome,
347
00:14:12,049 --> 00:14:14,684
To sing our national anthem,
steve smith!
348
00:14:14,752 --> 00:14:17,520
(applause)
349
00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:20,423
(clears throat)
350
00:14:20,491 --> 00:14:21,991
¶ oh, say... ¶
351
00:14:22,059 --> 00:14:23,793
(fireworks popping)
352
00:14:23,861 --> 00:14:25,094
Fuh-fuh, fuh-fuh,
fuh-fuh, fuh-fuh.
353
00:14:25,162 --> 00:14:26,563
Fuh-fuh, fuh-fuh, fuh-fuh,
fuh-uh.
354
00:14:28,098 --> 00:14:29,466
No, you didn't!
Yes, I did!
355
00:14:29,533 --> 00:14:30,733
You're totally,
dead, bob.
356
00:14:30,801 --> 00:14:33,036
It's just us.
Just let me keep playing.
357
00:14:33,103 --> 00:14:34,871
(rockets whistling)
vietcong! Vietcong!
358
00:14:34,939 --> 00:14:36,339
(screaming)
359
00:14:38,075 --> 00:14:39,175
Cong!
360
00:14:39,243 --> 00:14:40,276
(imitates rapid gunfire)
361
00:14:40,344 --> 00:14:41,311
(imitates
gunfire)
362
00:14:41,378 --> 00:14:43,213
(fireworks pop and squeal)
363
00:14:45,916 --> 00:14:47,584
Say, can you see?
364
00:14:47,651 --> 00:14:48,852
I-I can't see 'em.
365
00:14:48,919 --> 00:14:50,320
They're in the trees.
366
00:14:50,387 --> 00:14:51,654
Steve, snap
out of it.
367
00:14:51,722 --> 00:14:53,756
Mr. Smith, can I speak
to you in the hallway?
368
00:14:55,993 --> 00:14:58,361
Your son appears to
be suffering from ptsd,
369
00:14:58,429 --> 00:14:59,996
Posttraumatic
stress disorder.
370
00:15:00,064 --> 00:15:01,431
But doctor, that's impossible.
371
00:15:01,499 --> 00:15:02,999
He was only in a reenactment.
372
00:15:03,067 --> 00:15:04,133
Oh.
373
00:15:04,201 --> 00:15:06,236
Then it must be ptwrsd,
374
00:15:06,303 --> 00:15:08,505
Posttraumatic
war reenactment stress disorder.
375
00:15:08,572 --> 00:15:09,806
Is that a thing?
376
00:15:09,874 --> 00:15:10,974
I've never
heard of it.
377
00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:12,442
I'd like keep him
here for treatment.
378
00:15:12,510 --> 00:15:14,210
He could be a danger
to himself or others.
379
00:15:14,278 --> 00:15:16,045
Nonsense!
380
00:15:16,113 --> 00:15:17,547
Steve?!
381
00:15:17,615 --> 00:15:19,115
Where'd he go?
382
00:15:19,183 --> 00:15:20,650
When I was out there,
383
00:15:20,718 --> 00:15:22,685
All I wanted to do
was come home.
384
00:15:22,753 --> 00:15:23,987
But now that I'm home,
385
00:15:24,054 --> 00:15:26,022
All I can think about
is getting back there.
386
00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:27,624
The golf course.
387
00:15:27,691 --> 00:15:30,393
Things made more sense
out there.
388
00:15:30,461 --> 00:15:33,029
Here sometimes
someone claims they're a friend,
389
00:15:33,097 --> 00:15:35,031
But they're really
just an acquaintance.
390
00:15:35,099 --> 00:15:37,901
And then, some friends
are really enemies.
391
00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:40,703
I came up
with the word "frenemy."
392
00:15:42,673 --> 00:15:44,073
John,
393
00:15:44,141 --> 00:15:45,608
How did you open the curtain?
394
00:15:47,945 --> 00:15:49,979
Tell me how you
opened the curtain.
395
00:15:51,315 --> 00:15:51,881
John!
396
00:15:53,417 --> 00:15:54,751
(grunts)
397
00:15:54,818 --> 00:15:56,653
...Will be right back.
398
00:16:05,143 --> 00:16:06,477
Hey, there.
399
00:16:06,544 --> 00:16:08,312
The war reenactment
was yesterday.
400
00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:09,113
It's over.
401
00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:10,180
For you, maybe.
402
00:16:10,248 --> 00:16:11,615
Where're you headed?
403
00:16:11,683 --> 00:16:13,984
Just gonna get a grilled
cheese at the snack stop.
404
00:16:14,052 --> 00:16:15,886
I had a friend that
wanted one once.
405
00:16:15,954 --> 00:16:17,521
But he's gone now.
406
00:16:17,589 --> 00:16:19,256
To tucson.
407
00:16:19,324 --> 00:16:20,657
On business.
408
00:16:20,725 --> 00:16:23,427
Won't be back till Wednesday.
409
00:16:23,495 --> 00:16:25,829
I know a place down the road
with a great grilled cheese.
410
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:26,997
Come on, I'll drive you.
411
00:16:27,065 --> 00:16:27,664
No, thanks.
412
00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:30,467
(golf cart chirps)
413
00:16:30,535 --> 00:16:32,069
I'm not looking for trouble.
414
00:16:32,137 --> 00:16:34,271
Get off the fairway, you turd!
415
00:16:34,339 --> 00:16:36,040
This is the thanks I get.
416
00:16:36,107 --> 00:16:37,674
A hero's welcome.
417
00:16:48,019 --> 00:16:50,554
(gunfire)
418
00:16:50,622 --> 00:16:52,456
(explosion)
419
00:16:58,196 --> 00:16:59,897
We were kids, man.
420
00:16:59,964 --> 00:17:01,598
Buckle couldn't
find his legs.
421
00:17:01,666 --> 00:17:04,301
We were gonna go cruising
when we got home.
422
00:17:04,369 --> 00:17:07,671
We were gonna go cruising
in his solara, man.
423
00:17:07,739 --> 00:17:09,573
Roger:
¶ getting ready
for the best night ¶
424
00:17:09,641 --> 00:17:11,241
¶ the best night
of my life ¶
425
00:17:11,309 --> 00:17:12,876
¶ everything's gonna
be just right ¶
426
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:15,312
¶ putting on a robe that's warm
but light-- squirt, squirt ¶
427
00:17:15,380 --> 00:17:17,314
¶ best, best, glug, glug,
best, best ¶
428
00:17:17,382 --> 00:17:19,716
¶ get ready,
my tummy is your nest ¶
429
00:17:19,784 --> 00:17:21,618
¶ 'cause I'm stepping
in the best ¶
430
00:17:21,686 --> 00:17:23,420
Ah! Best.
431
00:17:24,789 --> 00:17:27,291
(applause on tv)
432
00:17:27,358 --> 00:17:29,293
Thank you so much.
433
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:30,694
Shut up.
434
00:17:30,762 --> 00:17:32,096
(applause stops)
435
00:17:32,163 --> 00:17:34,364
You know, celine dion is
in the audience tonight.
436
00:17:34,432 --> 00:17:35,499
(applause)
437
00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:37,634
She's fabulous.
438
00:17:37,702 --> 00:17:39,837
But I'm better. Here we go.
439
00:17:39,904 --> 00:17:44,274
¶ you were my strength
when I was weak ¶
440
00:17:44,342 --> 00:17:47,611
¶ you were my voice
when I couldn't speak ¶
441
00:17:47,679 --> 00:17:48,846
(gong sounds)
442
00:17:48,913 --> 00:17:50,280
¶ you were my... ¶
443
00:17:50,348 --> 00:17:53,117
(sustained note,
distorted into howl)
444
00:17:53,184 --> 00:17:55,252
¶ ¶
445
00:18:02,694 --> 00:18:04,695
¶ ¶
446
00:18:06,531 --> 00:18:09,800
¶ ¶
447
00:18:11,769 --> 00:18:14,204
Streisand:
Thank you. Good night!
448
00:18:17,609 --> 00:18:20,277
So, how'd the big night
turn out?
449
00:18:20,345 --> 00:18:22,112
It was...
450
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:24,581
There's no word
to describe it.
451
00:18:24,649 --> 00:18:26,483
Schmooblydong?
452
00:18:26,551 --> 00:18:27,985
That's not it,
but it's close.
453
00:18:28,052 --> 00:18:30,854
Let-let me try and put it
in terms you can understand.
454
00:18:30,922 --> 00:18:33,457
Imagine being high
at a rusted root concert
455
00:18:33,525 --> 00:18:36,093
While two dudes take you on
in a sun-baked porta-john.
456
00:18:36,161 --> 00:18:37,594
Wow.
457
00:18:37,662 --> 00:18:39,796
That actually does
sound really good.
458
00:18:39,864 --> 00:18:42,065
Yeah. I'd like that, too.
459
00:18:45,970 --> 00:18:47,504
You're the
boy's father?
460
00:18:47,572 --> 00:18:50,207
Listen, guy, no one can get in
or out of here
461
00:18:50,275 --> 00:18:52,342
Because of that crazy kid,
and we need carts.
462
00:18:52,410 --> 00:18:54,912
That boy is a remorseless
reenactment machine.
463
00:18:54,979 --> 00:18:57,080
I know. I made him.
464
00:18:57,148 --> 00:18:59,683
And I'm the only one
who can get him out.
465
00:18:59,751 --> 00:19:01,451
Stinkfinger, this is
colonel muffdog.
466
00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:02,586
Do you copy? Over.
467
00:19:02,654 --> 00:19:03,854
(static, chirp)
468
00:19:03,922 --> 00:19:05,088
Do you copy?
(static)
469
00:19:05,156 --> 00:19:06,657
Steve:
This is stinkfinger, sir.
470
00:19:06,724 --> 00:19:08,091
They're all dead.
471
00:19:08,159 --> 00:19:09,560
I'm the last one.
472
00:19:09,627 --> 00:19:11,328
Your mission is complete.
473
00:19:11,396 --> 00:19:12,729
Return to base.
474
00:19:12,797 --> 00:19:14,064
I can't do that, sir.
475
00:19:14,132 --> 00:19:15,632
I'm not good enough yet.
476
00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:16,934
Good enough at what, soldier?
477
00:19:17,001 --> 00:19:17,901
I can do better.
478
00:19:17,969 --> 00:19:19,803
That's why I came here.
479
00:19:19,871 --> 00:19:22,639
It's the only place
you were ever proud of me, sir.
480
00:19:22,707 --> 00:19:25,442
It wasn't the war.
481
00:19:25,510 --> 00:19:27,244
I'm going in.
482
00:19:32,917 --> 00:19:34,084
Stay back!
483
00:19:34,152 --> 00:19:35,519
Easy, stinkfinger. Easy.
484
00:19:35,587 --> 00:19:37,854
It wasn't the war
that made you this way.
485
00:19:37,922 --> 00:19:39,122
Wh-what do you mean?
486
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:40,791
Oh, steve, it was me!
487
00:19:40,858 --> 00:19:43,694
I pushed you too hard,
put too much pressure on you.
488
00:19:43,761 --> 00:19:45,862
But I only did it
because I love you
489
00:19:45,930 --> 00:19:47,497
And want you to succeed!
490
00:19:47,565 --> 00:19:49,533
But you don't need
to be pushed,
491
00:19:49,601 --> 00:19:51,368
'cause you're doing great
on your own.
492
00:19:51,436 --> 00:19:53,270
(crying)
493
00:19:56,207 --> 00:19:59,943
I did to you
what america did to vietnam.
494
00:20:00,011 --> 00:20:01,778
I tried to control you.
495
00:20:01,846 --> 00:20:03,413
But no longer.
496
00:20:03,481 --> 00:20:05,515
I'm pulling out of you, steve.
497
00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:07,184
I'm pulling out.
498
00:20:07,252 --> 00:20:09,453
I'm sorry if I hurt you, son.
499
00:20:18,696 --> 00:20:20,864
(fireworks pop)
500
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,268
The celebration's
still going on.
501
00:20:24,335 --> 00:20:26,136
You know, you
could still sing.
502
00:20:26,204 --> 00:20:27,704
Am I good enough now?
503
00:20:27,772 --> 00:20:29,473
You were always
good enough, steve.
504
00:20:29,540 --> 00:20:32,142
I don't know where this low
self-esteem is coming from,
505
00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:34,177
But you need to start
believing in yourself.
506
00:20:34,245 --> 00:20:36,213
So go out there and sing.
507
00:20:36,281 --> 00:20:39,349
And any way you do it,
I'm gonna love it.
508
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:50,727
¶ oh, say ¶
509
00:20:50,795 --> 00:20:54,164
¶ can you see,
by the dawn's early light? ¶
510
00:20:54,232 --> 00:20:57,534
¶ girl, I'm gonna rock you
in freedom town tonight ¶
511
00:20:57,602 --> 00:21:00,671
That's my...
Neighbor son.
512
00:21:00,738 --> 00:21:02,139
¶ you know
you never felt so good ¶
513
00:21:02,206 --> 00:21:03,874
¶ no, you never
felt so right ¶
514
00:21:03,941 --> 00:21:06,843
¶ ooh, rockets bursting
in the air! ¶
515
00:21:06,911 --> 00:21:08,745
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com